Lunchtime was always a set routine for Princess Celestia: she would sit alone, the servants would bring her any dish that she desired, she would eat in silence and then she would continue her daily duties. Today was no different, just like every other day. On this day, she had requested one salad sandwich and white bread, no butter.

There was just one problem: the covered plate that was used to serve her food was at least fifty times too large for two slices of bread and some expertly tossed vegetables.

“I thought I requested just one sandwich?” she asked the pegasus servant, who brought her the lunch, with a cheeky smile. The maid merely apologised and excused herself upon request.

Celestia eyed up the silver, dome-shaped plate cover and stroked her chin, pondering the mystery of the concealed meal. She gently tapped the metal, bringing her ear closer to the plate; her ears pricked as she heard the ting from her hoof hitting it... and faint giggling?

The plot thickens, she thought to herself, standing from her chair. She slowly made her way around the long table and steadily removed the cover with her glowing horn—

“BOO!”

—flinching as an almighty explosion of confetti and streamers appeared before her. In an instant, what should have been her sandwich stood on two legs and threw its pink body high in the air. The noise suddenly died however as the metal cover fell to the floor with an echoing clash, leaving one very surprised but amused alicorn and a silent earth pony, who was scratching her head.

“Huh? Where’d she go?” Pinkie Pie asked, looking about every which way. Celestia was, in fact, just millimetres above the party mare’s head, silently flapping her wings. She grinned wickedly, leaning in close to the confused pony’s ear whilst trying not to breathe. As soon as she managed to get within a hair’s width away, she gave a whisper.

“Boo.”

Pinkie shrieked, almost colliding with the princess as she leapt high into the air. Landing on her belly with a thud, she shook her head and roared with laughter as Celestia floated gracefully in front of her.

“You’re too good at this!” Pinkie said, standing on all fours and dismounting the table. Celestia landed on the floor and, with a flash of her horn, gathered the streamers and confetti into a bundle and placed them on the plate.

“Well I must admit, I did learn from the best,” she replied, giving a slight nod to Pinkie which made her blush slightly. “But now I must ask... why have you been served to me this lunchtime? Unless my kitchen has decided to replace the bread with a pony, or if my gardens have powers to grow curious things when you plant lettuce seeds, then—”

“Oh, no reason!” Pinkie interrupted. “I just wanted to invite you to the funnest, bestest, ickiest, stickiest and slimiest event in history!”

Celestia gave her a raised brow. “Slimiest?”

Pinkie nodded. “Yep! It’s like a slimy Sisterhooves Social with tons of chocolate pudding and jam and applesauce and green and yellow and blue and pink gungy stuff that nopony knows what it is but it smells really weird and it’s all used in loads of games that I came up with—”

She took a quick, deep breath.

“—and everypony’s invited because it’s gonna be super fun because who doesn’t like to get messy and I’m inviting you because I’m hosting it!”

Celestia was stunned into silence, blinking as Pinkie gave her a beaming grin and speaking only when she had managed to filter the essentials from the manic chatter.

“And where is this all taking place?”

“Sweet Apple Acres of course!” Pinkie replied. “I have all of the gooey stuff I need with tons more on backup if there’s not enough for everypony to get completely covered. Applejack’s also helping me out by building some of the games and Twilight is commentating with me!”

“And where did you get all of this ‘gooey stuff’?” Celestia asked with a slight smirk.

“Oh, I have my ways! Twilight knew a spell or two for the coloured slime, but she didn’t know one that could remove the smelly smell from it. Applejack had plllleeeenty of applesauce to spare, and the pudding and jam are all from my personal stash!”

“I see... well in that case,” Celestia said with a smile, ”I would be honoured to be your guest at the first... umm... what name have you given to these gloriously gloopy events?”

“The games for pairs are all part of a little competition I like to call ‘The Gooey Games Contest’ and everything comes under The Gathering of the Gunky, the name that Twilight came up for them!”

“Well in that case, I’d be honoured to be your guest at your festival of filth. In fact...” She stroked her chin, smiling deviously. “...perhaps myself and Luna should enter your contest together. In disguise with limited powers of course.”

“Really?! Yay!” Pinkie yelled, jumping into the air. “It’s two days from now, one o’clock at Sweet Apple Acres. If you’re bring Princess Luna then meet me at Sugarcube Corner an hour before.” Without waiting for a response, she began to bounce towards the dining hall doors. “Byeee!”

Celestia was left standing alone, her brow raised but with a gentle laugh escaping her. She turned back to her plate, only then realising that she had been robbed of her sandwich.

Filthy Dirty Rarity

Written by Arbpw

The morning had moved extremely quickly for Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. After being drafted into handing out fliers by Applejack for Pinkie’s games, the two fillies had dashed from pony to pony all around town for an hour and a half. They sighed with exhausted relief as the final resident of Ponyville was informed of The Gathering of the Gunky, as the leaflets advertised it in large letters, which were drawn to look like they dripped with slime- and the both of them realised that were just one poster away from running out.

“Glad t’see everypony readin’ about a once in a lifetime chance to get dirty for fun!” Apple Bloom said, surveying the ponies in the street that were reading the fliers. “Lucky for us that nopony missed out.”

“Yeah, this is going to be the best thing ever!” Sweetie said, beginning to head off back towards her sister’s boutique. “It’s going to be twice as good as getting a cutie mark. Maybe three times!”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Yep! The ad said there’d be huge pools of puddin’, dunk tanks of my sister’s applesauce and the Gooey Games Contest!”

“Do you have your partner for the games yet?”

“Uh-huh. Me an’ Applejack are gonna win that trophy for sure! There’s nothin’ that we can’t handle t’gether, so I say bring on the slop!”

Apple Bloom’s beaming grin faded when she noticed Sweetie’s face. The unicorn filly was looking at the ground with a heavy frown on her face.

“I wish I had somepony to enter the contest with,” Sweetie said quietly. “I was going to ask Scootaloo but she’s doing it with Rainbow Dash, and I don’t know who else I can ask to team up with me.”

Apple Bloom thought for a second, stroking her chin. “What about Twilight?”

Sweetie shook her head. “She’s co-commentating on the games, remember?”

“Fluttershy?”

“No, I’d never win with her as my partner.”

Apple Bloom clapped her hooves. “I’ve got it! Miss Cheerilee!”

Sweetie gave her a raised brow. “That would just be weird. Besides, I think she’s too old for slipping and sliding around in slime. Let’s face it; I just can’t compete this time around. I wish there was somepony out there that wanted to be a filly again for a day and just not care about getting filthy with me!”

“And you’re not even gonna consider Rarity?” Apple Bloom asked. Sweetie gave a slight laugh.

“My sister? In a contest that’s about getting as messy as possible? What planet are you living on?”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Hear me out for a sec. She’s still your sister so why not ask? She came through for ya back at the Sisterhooves Social, so why wouldn’t she this time?”

“Because there weren’t that many messy things back then, were there? I think there was just that one pit full of mud. The Gooey Games Contest has hundreds and they’re filled with something stickier, slimier and smellier than mud, aren’t they?”

She sighed heavily, the image of Rarity dangling just above a pit filled to the brim with thick green slime making her smile a little. In Sweetie’s mind, the unicorn was standing on a platform as a bright spotlight was passed over her, a crowd of cheering ponies surrounding her from all sides, and a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead as she trembled from the sight of so much goo. Suddenly, the platform collapsed from under her hooves, sending her plummeting towards the slop with an ear-splitting scream.

“Sweetie?”

The image faded as Apple Bloom prodded the daydreaming filly, making Sweetie blink. The little unicorn laughed slightly as she thought about the sticky result of her imaginary sister’s dunking.

“Well, I guess I’ll have to face it… there’s no way she’d team up with me unless—“

Both fillies’ eyes widened, the two of them grinning wickedly at each other.

“Unless she has a good reason to!” they said in unison.

“What did you have in mind?” Sweetie asked. Apple Bloom gave a ‘hmm’ as her face looked as if she was in deep thought.

“How’s your sister’s gem stash right now?”

Sweetie pondered the question for a few moments; she rarely tried to bother Rarity while she was working unless it was for ‘a situation of dire importance’, as she was told by the designer. As a result, she had only seen the gem chest, kept in the corner of the sewing room, the week before. It was either half empty or half full, depending on the pony’s outlook on life.

“Low,” she replied, giving Apple Bloom a look of slight confusion. “But why are you asking me that?”

“Maybe if she needs gems but she can’t find another way to get ‘em, she’d have to team up with you if a chest full of ‘em is a grand prize for winnin’ the contest!”

Sweetie gasped, her face beaming. “That’s amazing! But where are you going to find that many gems before tomorrow?”

Apple Bloom grinned. “You can leave that lil’ pickle to me…”

The chattering of the sewing machine was often like music to Rarity’s ears. For years now, the clicking and clacking of the needle as it bobbed up and down through the satin and silk was her rhythm, like a marching band for a fashion parade. Today’s performance demanded a slow beat for a sombre march through two sheets of black cotton.

“And that should just… about… do it!” Rarity whispered as the machine was brought to a halt, the fabric running through the sewing area with ease. She levitated her work in front of her, smiling when she decided that all was satisfactory. She had produced a tight fitting black dress with short sleeves, frilly white lace lining the cuffs. The part that covered the flank ended just past the part where the cutie mark would be.

I hope this is revealing enough, she thought. Rainbow did say that she wanted her maid outfit to be alluring…

A knock on her door distracted her, her gaze turning to the source. She placed the outfit next to her machine and beckoned the visitor to enter, smiling as Sweetie slowly entered.

“Ah, there you are!” Rarity chirped. “You left without a word this morning. What were you doing?”

“I said I was going to hand out fliers with Apple Bloom, but you were too busy working,” her sister replied, unshouldering her satchel. Her face looked slightly nervous, but it was so brief that Rarity barely noticed it.

“Fliers? What for?”

“You know, for Pinkie Pie’s games. The games coming up tomorrow that I still need to find a partner for? I've tried everypony I know but they’re either not going or they've already got somepony to go with. Now I don’t know who to ask!”

Rarity gave a single nod, a grimace of realisation on her face. She frowned as her head flooded with images of Sweetie swimming in vast oceans of gunge and her friends playing in rivers and waterfalls of applesauce. She was standing on the edge, watching with uneasy eyes as everypony in town became messier and messier without hesitation, dunking each other and diving into slimy stuff with glee. They were calling to her, calling out her name as they waved their hooves at her. They wanted her to join them, and she found herself drawing closer with tiny steps... then a light trot... then a full-on gallop towards the slop. As soon as her hoof was just an inch away from the edge of the ocean of goo, she was back in the boutique with an awkward look on her face.

“Rarity?”

She shook her head, blinking as she regained her bearings. Sweetie was there, clean and unblemished by any sticky substances, yet the filly had a suggestive smile on her face as she nudged a piece of paper and a pencil towards Rarity. It was a form of sorts, the title reading ‘Gooey Games Contest Sign-up’.

“No, I simply couldn't do it,” Rarity said firmly. “A lady such as myself does not go diving into pools of… of whatever that muck is for fun! I’m sorry, but you’ll have to ask somepony else.”

“Aw, come on!” Sweetie pleaded, reaching into her bag. “It’s not that bad! Here, I brought a jar of the slime. Take a look!”

Rarity gasped and scrambled backwards as her sister revealed a container that was filled to the brim with a green substance, which was sloshing around inside it slowly. As Sweetie unscrewed the cap of the jar, the mare let out a slight squeal as she dashed forwards and clamped the lid down with her hoof, breathing heavily.

“You will not bring this filth near to me again!” she yelled, backing away as she realized that she had almost knocked the slime onto the floor.

Sweetie Belle sighed, a grin on her face. “Okay, but you’re going to miss out on your chance at the grand prize!”

“I’m perfectly happy staying clean and—“

Rarity paused, turning to her sister and giving her an inquisitive look.

“What grand prize is this?” she asked. Sweetie reached into her satchel, pulling out a small piece of paper- a photograph- and handing it to Rarity. The instant that she saw what was depicted, the fashionista’s eyes widened to an impossible size as her bottom jaw almost hit the floor.

It was a photo of a huge wooden chest, a pink pony- Pinkie Pie herself- standing next to it as a comparison of size. The party mare had a wide, beaming smile on her face as she stood alone on the tips of her hooves, her body only reaching half of the height of the chest. This alone set Rarity’s heart racing, but what made her eyes light up were the contents that spilled over the top: gems of hundreds of colours and sizes. She spluttered as she looked back and forth between the picture and her sister.

“I… but… what… oh… how…”

She swallowed, giving Sweetie a look of pure shock.

“Where... What... Where did she get that many gems?!” she said in a stuttering shout, composing herself as she finished. Sweetie shook her head.

“Like you always tell me, Pinkie Pie’s methods can’t be explained because she’s Pinkie Pie. Either way, I wasn’t going to ask because I know you’re not exactly a fan of dirt, but then I saw what the prize was and...” She trailed off as she watched Rarity’s face contort, twisting between excitement and, on a basic level, fear.

“I don’t know about this,” Rarity whispered, twisting a lock of her mane with her hoof and biting her lip so hard that it almost hurt. Sweetie shrugged, giving her a sly smile.

“What have you got to lose? It’s not like you’re the only pony there who’s getting dirty. Besides, think of the prize! All those gems…”

Go for it! a voice in Rarity’s head commanded, sounding a little bit like Rainbow Dash. What’s a little slime compared to so many jewels?

No, think of your social standing! another voice said, this one reminding her of Princess Celestia’s gentle tone. Can you really go back to Canterlot if everypony knows of how you disgraced yourself by playing in that filth?

But what about me? a Sweetie Belle-esque thought yelled. Won’t you do it for your sister?

The final thought was like Pinkie Pie bouncing around in her ears and mind, chattering away as Rarity glanced left and right.

Do it! Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it! DO IT!

After a long and awkward silence, Rarity sighed as she admitted defeat. “All right then, you have yourself a partner,” she said quietly, trying to sound eager. She signed the form with swift strokes of the pencil, but her face registered a strange mix of excitement and sheer disgust as she did so. Once she had finished, Sweetie took the form and replaced it in her bag while giving her sister a cheerful grin.

“Thanks Rarity!” she said with a slight crack her voice. Without saying anything else she darted from the sewing room and swung the door shut. Rarity was left practically chewing her bottom lip off as she giggled at the thought of all those sparkling gemstones… so many there, almost enough to fill a hundred bathtubs with! The idea of diving into a pool of jewels set her heart on fire. She bounced up and down with increasing speed as she thought more and more about the chest.

I’m sure that there’s not that much filth to be fought through, she reassured herself. She began to beam, her eyes twinkling at the thought of the prize. Besides, I’m sure that it won’t be as dirty as digging for… for… all… those… gems!