Greetings, dear readers, Rather Homely here. Today's story- What the, what are you doing-?!

Author: RatherHomely! My dear, dear friend, you have to hide me!

Author, get out of the, erm, Author Notes.

Author: Hear me out! Rarity and Applejack learned about the lessons I taught their sisters yesterday (no one gives a crap about Scootaloo)! They're going to KILL me!

And I care because...?

Author: Without me, you have no MPPT3K! All your hard work will be for naught and Riffuary will go up in flames!

Oh really? That's what you believe, eh?

Author: (is thrown through the fourth wall back into his writing studio) I don't like any of your stories anyway, you hear me?! "You in Equestria" is gimmicky trash! (looks around, panic-stricken) They're going to find me! I just know it! I need to write a distraction! (types something) Let there be Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie Pie: (from TV, appearing suddenly) Oh goodies! Do you actually want to riff today?!

Author: Pinkie, I need you to do me a huge favor! I need an hour or so to re-write Rarity and Applejack's characters so I don't get pummeled! Distract them with a riff!

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Mmmm... I don't know...

Author: I'll... I'll... (sighs) I'll write that Christopher Walken/Dan Akroyd clap fic you wanted.

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) MY GUILTY PLEASURE?! I'm on it, super awesome author friend!

Author: Thank you! (Runs into back room)

Applejack: (gallops through front door followed by Rarity) WHERE IS THAT NO-GOOD-ROTTEN-SON-OF-A-MARE AUTHOR!?

Rarity: He should be in here!

(doors swing shut and lock)

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Oh! Oh! You're the two I'm supposed to distract with a riff!

Applejack: ... Beg your pardon?

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) I'm supposed to distract you with a story while Author is out back re-writing your characters!

Rarity: (gritting teeth) Oh he IS, is he?

Author: (from behind door) You weren't supposed to tell them that! I mean- nothing back here but us file cabinets!

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) I was saving this story for later, but I was asked to prank you on short notice! I hope you like it!

Applejack: I loathe it already.

(buzzer sounds)

All: We've got story sign!

Scootaloo opened the door to her house, expecting it to be

Applejack: Author's head on a platter?

Rarity: Wishful thinking.

Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle, whichever one it was. After all, it was the night of the Grand

Galloping Gala, and they had to look their best for this event.

Rarity: Oh, yes, because they definitely received invitations. I distinctly remember that.

Much to her surprise-and disgust- it was Diamond Tiara. She oddly closed all doors, windows and plugged up the chimney before turning to the orange mare.

Applejack: Did Scootaloo just stand there while all this was going on?

Rarity: Well, how would you react to someone plugging up your chimney?

She briefly nodded at seeing her cutie mark, and looked straight into her eyes.

Diamond Tiara: It's been a while, Scoot.

Applejack: "Almost an hour, I reckon."

Rarity: Your impressions need work.

I have to tell you something important.

Rarity: "Your chimney is plugged up. You should fix that."

Scootaloo: You too, Queen Snooty. Let me guess, Celestia has stepped down, and made you ruler.

Applejack: "Wow, first guess! You're good!"

Perhaps you have been struck with super powers and have come to kick my flank. Oh! I have it! You're a freaking movie star and have come to RUB IT IN MY FACE!

Rarity: Nopony is going to rub anything in any other pony's face while I'm around!

Diamond Tiara: It's more important than that, you sherbet freak.

Applejack: Scootaloo is a mutant, walking dessert. We should suggest that story idea to Author as we're kicking the punctuation out of him.

Scootaloo: Then what is it, Little Miss Princess?!

Diamond Tiara: I'M A

Rarity: Lesbian!

LESBIAN!

Rarity: Oh... I was just making a joke, I swear! I didn't read ahead or anything!

On that final notes, Scootaloo's eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she passed out cold.

Applejack: Better get her a blanket if she's cold, and... Wait, that's it?

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Well, it looked like you were both in a rush. I didn't want to hold you up.

Rarity: Thank you, Pinkie. If you would kindly press the button...?

Author: (from behind the door) Hey Pinkie, I've finished the introductory paragraph! How much time do I have left?

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Exactly?

Author: (from behind the door) No, just a rough estimate!

Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Let me count... None.

Author: (from behind the door) Oh, oka- Wait, WHAT?!

(Pinkie Pie presses the button, the doors unlock, and the TV turns off with a blip)