I've decided that Fridays will be the day for guest submissions, and I'm going to follow some general guidelines for "Guest Submission Friday" (Name may need changing [it kinda sucks], and I'm posting this at the beginning of each guest submission this week (and eventually somewhere else) so you all will be guaranteed to see it.);

1. So readers don't die of riff overload, I'm going to post no more than 5 guest submissions each Friday. The last thing I want is for twenty riffs to be released on one day and only two or three the following week. Consistency and all that.

2. Only one riff per riffer each Friday. This is the rule I'm most likely going to make an exception for. If I have fewer than five riffs from different authors, I'll most likely remove the limit for that week.

3. Extraordinarily long riffs that are broken into multiple parts I'm going to spread out over the course one or more weeks. These don't count towards the one riff per week limit.

4. First come first serve. I'm not going to play favorites or anything. I'm posting the guest submissions in the order I receive them excluding when I receive multiple riffs from a single person. Then I'll push those riffs to next week.

5. No riffs by me. It's "Guest Submission Friday", not "RatherHomely Posts Silly Riffs Friday".

If you have any questions or suggestions about this, feel free to contact me.

We now return you to your featured Guest Submission.

RatherHomely here, and riffers Madgod Pim and electreXcessive are treating us to a charming little story called "'I've changed for you, my love'". Did I say charming? I meant stupid. This is one of those fics that feels... Off. First, it's in letter format (The entire story is literally a letter from one character to another). Unless it's done really well, letter format can feel either pretentious (Feels artsy for the sake of being artsy.) or just dull (Reading a letter about certain events is far less exciting than witnessing the actual events.). Second, the whole thing is an out-of-character mess, primarily with Shining Armor and Princess Cadance. I actually think that the story was going in a somewhat believable direction at the beginning... Then it didn't. Then it became a comedy.

And the grammar sucks. A lot.

Enjoy!

‘I’ve changed for you, my love’

by Frolda

Riffed by electreXcessive & Madgod Pim

electreXcessive: So we’re finally getting around to this. You ready?

Madgod Pim: I hope so? You need to say anything or do you just wanna jump into the horror that is this fic?

electreXcessive: *Sigh* I suppose there’s no use in denying the inevitable. Let’s just jump right in!

Dear Chrysalis,

Madgod Pim: Is this a letter or something? How can somepony possibly know Chrysalis’ location to send the letter to?

electreXcessive: The magic of plot points!

my

electreXcessive: Third word is incorrectly capitalized...

Madgod Pim: Get the big BADFIC stamp!

electreXcessive: I just stamped it five times.

name is Shining Armor. That name is surely nothing new to you. I

electreXcessive: “Who are you? Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell.”

have many things to discuss with you, which can change your negative attitude at me and my last deeds.

Madgod Pim: Negative attitude? Since when is using someone as a puppet the same as having a bad attitude towards them?

electreXcessive: Hey, I guessed she’d be pretty mad that he made her pull a Team Rocket. She’s blasting off again.

There were things, which couldn´t

Madgod Pim: I’m sorry, didn’t you mean this ‘ GET YOUR SHIT RIGHT.

electreXcessive: This sentence reminds me of something that couldn’t be: proper grammar in this fic.

be. Nor me, neither Cadance wanted to admit them,

electreXcessive: “It’s a little too kinky for the public...”

Madgod Pim: “Electre, make everything into a sex joke. Now in stores!”

but those things were there! Cadance is a princess of love, you surely know that. Her special talent is to spread her talent around. I like love.

electreXcessive: No shit. I thought you hated it.

Madgod Pim: Yeah, why the fuck would you marry the princess of fucking LOVE if you hated it?

I live for it. And I love Cadance and I wanted to be with her forever. But nothing is, like we want.

Madgod Pim: Is that comma really needed? That line only confuses me...

electreXcessive: It adds that mysterious element... Because you have no idea what the hell it’s supposed to sound like.

Unpleasant facts begun to rise.

Madgod Pim: *insert electre’s sex joke*

electreXcessive: Is that a banana or are you just happy to see me?

Her love was weaker and weaker, because she shared it too much to her neighborhood.

Madgod Pim: HOHO! CADENCE IS A SLUT?! CADENCE IS A FUCKING. SLUT?!

electreXcessive: That slut was up to no good; she started makin’ trouble in her neighborhood!

More she gaved

electreXcessive: She gaved too much...

to those who needed it, more was missing among us.

Madgod Pim: Emergency Sexual Contact: Call 666-GET-RID-OF-THIS-FUCKING-FIC right now!

electreXcessive: The child support is too damn high! *Points finger upwards and twirls mustache*

They say, that love can make everything.

electreXcessive: In this case it can even make money!

Madgod Pim: YOU CAN BECOME RICH!

It can be also created. Unfortunately, by solving problems and too big sharing meant, that we didn´t have enough time for ourselves and to create new love.

Madgod Pim: There’s always another option ya’ know... Elec, finish this one for me.

electreXcessive: We all have trouble gettin’ it up sometimes Shining! Don’t let it get ya down!

We didn´t have time for each other. I defended Princess Celestia and she travelled around Equestria. I had many solicitudes about her and my presentiments come true. On the borders she was kidnapped.

Madgod Pim: WOW WOW WOW. FUCKING. PRINCESS CELESTIA. KIDNAPPED. Princess CelestiaKIDNAPPED. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING POWERFUL SHE IS?! HOW THE FUCK IS SOMEPONY GONNA FUCKING KIDNAP HER? FUCKING MAKE SENSE YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT AUTHOR.

electreXcessive: Ragemode activate!

I left Canterlot and started finding her. Unfortunately, I couldn´t find anything. When I came,

Madgod Pim: The alternate form of love has been found! HE CAME!

electreXcessive: I jizzed in my pants!

it was almost over.

electreXcessive: Geeze Shining... You’re faster than Rainbow!

Thanks to Celestia, I managed to find her. It was really big luck. Some uncivilized tribe made a god from her.

electreXcessive: Oh god Pim, they killed her and made a god!

Madgod Pim: ...

She did have to give her love more, than ever before. It started killing her, her personality, her emotions, her magic. When I found her, she looked at me and said only one word. „Please.“

electreXcessive: Double comma all the way cross the sky! What does it mean?

Madgod Pim: Hehehehehheheheheheheheheheheheeheheheheheh... Look below...

That act changed all my borders and doubts. I tried to barter with leader of that tribe, but that i shouldn´t do. They prisoned me.

electreXcessive: No... They prisoned him! The horror!

Luckily I managed to escape and get to some sanctuary, where Candance was hold.

Madgod Pim: ALL HAIL CANDANCE!

electreXcessive: Where did Cadance even come from? I thought it was Celestia.

I released her from

electreXcessive: Released her from? From what?

Madgod Pim: Being a slut?

and get her away from that cursed village.

Madgod Pim: Wasn’t she in a sanctuary?

electreXcessive: Maximum scenery shift!

That time I observed first signs of break up of what we have made and defended for such a long time.

But it wasn´t so hot and I didn´t care about it.

Madgod Pim: Just...WHAT.WHAT.WHAT

electreXcessive: That’s no way to talk about your wife!

It was only in a little signs, different voice intonation, different words, different emotions. Now I have that sense, which I missed before.

electreXcessive: Common sense?

When we arrived to Canterlot, lot of ponies watched us. We became equestrian celebrities.

Madgod Pim: Famous~

electreXcessive: Wow... I didn’t know that ponies had porn stars...

Everypony wanted to know, what we did and what we do now.

electreXcessive: Shouldn’t have posted those home tapes!

Of course tabloids tried to find everything and give it to their articles. That made both, me and Cadance, upset. Firstly. Then, there was a huge change. Cadance started to like that.

Madgod Pim: What change? Obama being elected? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

Her special talent is to spread love and happines.But what if everypony wants love and happines, which means scandals about stars, celebrities and aristocracy. It doesn´t matter, when it won´t help anypony. When she gives to everypony that what they want, that can be tolerated. Unfortunately, she started to love that.

Madgod Pim: So she IS a slut?! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

electreXcessive: No wonder there are some many alicorn OC’s!

She begun to print newspapers, full of scandals. Of course it was only a tabloid, but other ponies read it. They liked it. They get that happines they wanted.Popularity of that tabloid rised very quickly. At the beginning Cadance looked after those scandals, then she started to devise that lies. She didn´t care, if it was true or not, but only if it was about some stars or if it was hot enough.

Madgod Pim: OH GOD. IS THIS GOING INTO THE PORNOGRAPHIC DIRECTION?

electreXcessive: OH GOD... I WAS RIGHT ABOUT PONY PORN STARS!

You cannot have enough scandals, even with this method. Cadance realized, that she, owner of the most read tabloid in all Equestria is a celebrity too.

electeXcessive: I’d think that being one of only 3 all powerful princesses would make you already a celebrity.

She begun to write scandal articles about herself, palace guard and me too. When I heard from one of my friends, that whole Canterlot is talking about my hygiene and my mane, it made me very upset.

Madgod Pim: Guards get dirty and stuff, but the captain turned into a bitching gayboy? WHAT THE FUCK!

electreXcessive: Hey, he’s just the poster boy. Gotta look good for them cameras!

Of course I didn´t care about my mane, but about Cadance. She has changed. She didn´t care, that she hurt herself. She just wanted to give love and happines.

Madgod Pim: DON’T FORGET FREE SEX!

electreXcessive: At least make it Pay-per-view! Come on! Even HBO would take you!

First, we only shouted at each other, then we fought and once we have almost killed each other with knifes from kitchen.

Madgod Pim: Just...

Luckily I remembered somepony, who might know the solution for every situation. My young sister Twillight Sparkle.

electreXcessive: Is Twillight your other sister? No wonder you never spend time with Twilight any more!

I travelled to Ponyville.

electreXcessive: And changed my name to Bob so that no one would recognize me.

I was glad, when I heared, that she and her friends didn´t read Cadance tabloid.

Madgod Pim: Everypony else did though. EVERYPONY IS AMUSED.

electreXcessive: Damn... The mane six are really out of the loop.

In Twillight´s library I couldn´t find anything similiar to this situation, so we collected information and we were determined to solve this by research and magic. Both me and Twilly were unicorns.

Madgod Pim: NO FUCKING SHIT.

electreXcessive: Hold up! We got a new Einstein over here!

I told her fresh informations.

Madgod Pim: “Not the old ones though, they smell nasty.”

electreXcessive: “Informations! Get your fresh informations over here!”

Then we were going deeper and we spoke about my and Cadance wedding.

electreXcessive: God Shining! Is there anything your family won’t do?!

We managed to defeat you and your Changelings only thanks to my and Cadance love. Now I understand why was the love so strong. All Canterlot was concentrated upon us. That is what Cadance motivated now and before.

Madgod Pim: Eeyup.

When I repeated that scene in my mind again and again, I realized, that I have lost some very precious thing.

electreXcessive: “My dignity after being turned into a man-slave.”

You Chrysalis, my love. I don´t know, if my mind was controled by you, but even Twilly had to admit, that with support of Princess Celestia, it´s not so hard to create a magic shield for whole city.

Madgod Pim: OF COURSE NOT. SHE IS A FUCKING ALICORN. WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING SMOKING/THINKING/SNIFFING/DRINKING WHEN YOU WROTE THIS?

It meant, that I was strong enough to fight with you and your attempts to control my mind and my thoughts. It´s certain, that if I wanted to defend myself, i would did it.

Madgod Pim: I WOULD DID IT!

electreXcessive: Why you no do it Shining?!

I don´t know, why I didn´t do it. That time I couldn´t know, that Cadance cheats on me.

electreXcessive: Tense shift mid-sentence? What magnificent prose!

Madgod Pim: Not only that, but now Cadence was a slut before this badfic.

The answer is simple, for me. I realized, that the only one, who really wanted me, was you Chrysalis. You alone did really love me. I suddendly realized, that you are also the only one, who I truely loved. Even more than Cadance. She means nothing to me now.

electreXcessive: You just figured that out after she sleeps with the whole neighborhood?

Madgod Pim: Aaaaaand what about the part with being her fucking puppet?

electreXcessive: God... Shining has such horrible taste in women!

I have to tell you the main reason, why I am writing this letter. I have written to you, that Cadance went through strong changes. It was the end of our relation. I am now changing slowly but surely to a new form of living creature. I am consumed by it, but I don´t know, if it is good or bad. But I learned how to be proud at it.

Madgod Pim: PROUD TO BE IN A BADFIC. NOW GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF.

Magic has a very special power, to change ponies around. If you are strong enough to control it, nothing happens. But if you don´t use magic enough, it starts to leak

Madgod Pim: Guise! Guise! He has a dripper! LOLWTF.

electreXcessive: Get that checked! Pretty sure it’s not supposed to do that!

and it will change you to other somepony, who you love or with whom you was in touch recently. Since I made a shield to protect Canterlot during my wedding, I didn´t use magic enough.

Madgod Pim: Wat. Creating and holding up a shield for possible the largest city in Equestria doesn’t consume enough magic. EXCUSE ME BUT I EVEN THINK THAT CELESTIA WOULD HAVE SOME ISSUES WITH DOING THAT.

electreXcessive: Watch out! We got a badass over here!

Yes, you are right. I have changed. My body and posibbly my soul is not like in old times. In my hooves were wholes. First my fur disappeared. Then my flesh dropped out. My wounds almost immidietly healed, but not how I imagined that. I don´t feel pain, I don´t bleed, but the whole is still there.

electreXcessive: Wait wait wait... Did he just spontaneously become a changeling?

Madgod Pim: I think so... DAFUQ.

The wholes weren´t only at one of my hooves, but all around. My walk didn´t changed. When I ran it was faster than ever before. I was the most faster runner in all Equestria.

Madgod Pim: Yeah, just try and beat the mailman in Ocarina of Time. Then you’ll drop that attitude.

electreXcessive: He’s the pony version of Usain Bolt.

But I wasn´t the most beautiful, like last years.

Madgod Pim: CHANGELING. BEAUTIFUL. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

My appearance was awful. I managed to hide it. At the beginning.

One day Cadance wanted some hot scandal, so she came to my bed and begun to cuddle with me.

electreXcessive: Your wife wants to cuddle with you?! What a fucking scandal!

Madgod Pim: THIS CANNOT BE! SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SLUT!

It was certain, that she want it. But when she saw my hooves, she cried, then shouted and tommorow it was in her tabloid. Unfortunately it wasn´t still the end. Once I discovered, that I have Changelings wings.

electreXcessive: How the fuck would you not notice that you had wings right away?

They tried to set me under arrest, but I managed to escape. We are in the end of this letter Chrysalis. But I still didn´t say the most important thing to you. Through holes in my hooves are running cockroaches. My eyes are not so beautiful like it was before. They are yellow now, and they have a different form. I can see normaly, maybe better than before, but I cannot show myself in any civilization.

Madgod Pim: Ya’ know. YOU ARE A FUCKING. CHANGELING.

I am condemned to death. I have no white fur, and my armor is not so shiny as in old times.

Madgod Pim: Wa- NATURAL ARMOUR? WHAT.

electreXcessive: OMG Zerglings!

I just have some old armor, which was maybe an armor of palace guard.

electreXcessive: “I am stating the obvious! My new name will be Captain obvious!”

Don´t blame yourself, Chrysalis. You are not the person, who shall be guilty for it. It´s me. I ruined live of one love and couldn´t save live of the other one. I am in the waste lands now. You cannot find me, but if you want, don´t do that. I am condemned to extinction. Before that, I will send you with my magic a letter and one very important sentence.

„I have changed for you, my love.“

Madgod Pim: You couldn’t do that before but now you can?a lrkeghoerisgqlrgrlgoirgeroierhgm ehrgoimqgoqerhimqermervNO.

electreXcessive: It’s magic. I don’t gotta explain shit!

My name is Shining Armor, but i shall be called Destroyed Life.

Madgod Pim: AND WHY IS THAT. YOUR NAME SHOULD BE: DESTROY THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FIC RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!

electreXcessive: Maybe he’s called that because so many people have gouged their eyes out by now.

I love you Chrysalis. I loved you, I love you and I will love you to death. Without death is no life. But it isn´t functional on the opposite. Even the magic cannot save you from sad end. Maybe not everyone. I am looking forward to to death. It´s my redemption…

Madgod Pim: FUCK THIS FIC, I’M OUT.

electreXcessive: *Sigh* I guess I’ll get the lights again then... *Walks out of room, turning off all of the lights.* Next Chapter: Guest Submission: Rarity's Generous Plan, Part 1 Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 57 Minutes