Mystery Pinkie Pie Theater 3000
Chapter 43: Pinkie Pie's Tasty Testing
Previous Chapter Next ChapterEllo, guvnahs, RatherHomely here. Today is le special, because this particular riff is a birthday present for one of my readers, SuperBigMac. Apparently, as a present, he wanted his story "Pinkie Pie's Tasty Testing" riffed, which can be found un-riffed here.
The story itself is a parody of Skittles, so I can't really critique it at face value. I actually liked the writing, there were few errors, and I'd say it's quite good for a parody.
Oh, and it's a clopfic. Didn't think you'd get off the hook that easy, eh?
Anyway, happy birthday SuperBigMac, and I hope you enjoy this riff of "Pinkie Pie's Tasty Testing".
Enjoy!
Author: Me, I'm brilliant...
Rarity: What are you rattling on about this time?
Author: My fellow riffers, I've come up with an ingenious plan.
Twilight: Really? What is it, try hiding under the table again and hope that Pinkie doesn't see you?
Author: No! ... Well, okay, I considered it... But this plan is different! Read this!
(Rarity and Twilight look at a computer monitor.)
Twilight: (Reading the screen.) "Dear riffing trio of MPPT3K; Super Big Mac's birthday is coming up, and it would be great if you three could riff his story 'Pinkie Pie's Tasty Testing'. It's a clop fic, but I'm sure you'll all be fine. Sincerely, RatherHomely."
Rarity: So this "RatherHomely" wants us to put ourselves through misery just to satisfy the wants of some random pony we don't know?
Author: I'm not sure he's a pony, but, yeah. That's about it.
Twilight: Well, might as well get started...
Author: Hold on! Here's where my brilliant plan kicks in! Check it out... (Types on the keyboard.) And... there. Now read it.
Twilight: "Dear riffing trio of MPPT3K; Super Big Mac's birthday is coming up, and it would be great if Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash could riff his story 'Pinkie Pie's Tasty Testing'." This is perfect! But... Why Fluttershy?
Author: There's no way Pinkie would believe the legitimacy of the email if it named both her and Rainbow Dash.
Rarity: So... You're throwing Fluttershy under the carriage to save yourself?
Author: So? Don't you see? We're all going to get off scot-free! Pinkie would never turn down a birthday wish!
Rarity: All of us? Um, author, would you mind if I just gave the message a once-over? I think I can make it more believable.
Author: Sure, whatever it takes to get us off the hook.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Hey, everypony! Rainbow, shut the-
Author: Hold on! (To Rarity) Print it. (To Pinkie) There's going to be a little change in plans, Pinkie.
Pinkie: (From TV) What do you mean?
Author: Rarity? (Gets handed a sheet of paper and reads it.) I've received an email, and it reads as such; "Dear riffing trio of MPPT3K; Super Big Mac's birthday is coming up, and it would be great if Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and author could riff his story 'Pinkie Pie's Tasty Testing'." (Does a double take.) Wait, WHAT!? Rarity!
Rarity: (Whispering, with a smug smile.) Sorry, there's just no way she'd believe the legitimacy of the email without naming one of us as the riffers.
Author: So you're throwing me under the carriage to save yourself?!
Rarity: So?
Author: (Grumbles something unintelligible.)
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) You heard him, Rainbow Dash! Get in there!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) What? No!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) I said... (Pushes Rainbow Dash through the TV screen into the writing studio.) GO!
Author: Wait, how did you...
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) I'm Pinkie Pie! I don't need to explain! Actually... (Shoves Fluttershy through the TV screen.)
Fluttershy: Wait, when did I get here...?
Author: Rarity! Twilight! Wait till I get my- (Notices there's only puffs of smoke where the two were.) Gah! Fine! Flee! I'll take this riffing like a MAN! Bring it on!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got story sign!
Fluttershy: Eep!
Chapter 1: ApplePie
Fluttershy: I'm sure this story isn't going to be too bad. It's just something about food right?
Rainbow Dash: ... Sure, Fluttershy. Sure...
Applejack slowly came to her senses. The blanket was rough, but comfy. The pillows under her head were fluffed a lot better than the ones she had at home.
Fluttershy: That's precisely the first thing I'd notice when I wake up in a strange bed.
She had the most wonderful sense of... cleanliness that she couldn't understand or explain.
Author: Drive-by-bath.
"Oh! You're awake!"
She also couldn't find a good explanation as to why Pinkie Pie was leaning over her with a big smile.
Rainbow Dash: There's never an explanation in a situation like that.
"GAH!" Surprised,
Fluttershy: EEK!
she fell off the bed with a thump.
Rainbow Dash: Why was there a thump in the bed with her?
"P- Pinkie Pie?! What the hay's goin' on?"
"Oh! Well, y'see...
Author: "Your number's kind of come up..."
You fainted after Dashie came outta the kitchen, so I bid her and Twi farewell, and brought you up here, but you were soooo dirty and sweaty from all the hard work you'd done, and I didn't want to get my bed too dirty, I gave you a bath first, and I had to untie your mane-do
Author: (Looks at the other two.) Is that seriously what you call that? (Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash shrug.)
to really get it nicely washed, and then I said to myself, 'Pinkie Pie, you're friend's had her mane in the same 'do since forever, so why don't you do something to surprise her?' And then I styled your mane and tail in the bestest way Rarity showed me - you look so cute, and your bangs frame your eyes really, really well -
Author: Oh no! It looks like Applejack has been "framed"! (Rainbow Dash kicks him.)
Fluttershy: Rainbow! Don't do that!
Author: Aw, Fluttershy... You're always so kind-
Fluttershy: You have to start by giving him light slaps, then, if he keeps going, deliver increasingly harsh punishments. Otherwise he'll never learn proper behavior.
Author: ... Nevermind.
and then-"
Applejack had to stop this train before it went through a
Rainbow Dash: Wall.
loop. "Pinkie. Please. Short version."
"Ohh, yeah... Sorry about that! Well, you fainted, I washed you, and tucked you in for a nap with a kiss! Just like Granny Pie taught me! And, sorry that this one didn't come first, everypony!" Pinkie looked past Applejack, with an apologetic smile.
Fluttershy: ... Is she looking at us?
Rainbow Dash: This has moved from odd to Weirdville.
Applejack looked over her shoulder, not seeing anything to explain her friend's response. "... Uhh, Pinkie? Waddya mean 'come first'?"
Author: I think I know... And I wish I didn't.
Fluttershy: She's talking about a race right?
Author: ... Sure.
"Ohhh, Nothing!" Pinkie's smile was a little too wide.
Rainbow Dash: And it ended up falling off.
"Okay, then. Well, thank'ee for helpin' me out, Pinks...
All: Pinks?
Um, I'll... see ya 'round."
Applejack moved to get up, but stopped when she saw Pinkie's expression go from gaily happy to less-than-normally happy. "Oh... Okie Dokie... Lokie...
Author: She had to think for a second about what comes after "Dokie".
See you around." Pinkie backed up to give Applejack room to get out of the bed, but AJ couldn't stand to see her friend like this.
Fluttershy: She can always sit...
"Actually, ah, I'm still feelin' a little dizzy..." 'Not quite a lie.' "An' maybe, Ah... I could spend th' night?" 'Please decline...'
Rainbow Dash: Please? Cut the story short?
Pinkie squeed and jumped into the bed, nuzzling her friend's freckled face in a show of thanks before cuddling up against the orange coated pony as she got under the covers.
Applejack could feel the pink pony’s hot breath on the nape of her neck, and she got the strong urge to play with herself.
Author: And so it begins!
Fluttershy: Oh my...
Rainbow Dash: At least the writer's getting it over with quickly.
C’mon, now, AJ... Ya gotta calm down. Her forehoof slid down, feeling her silky smooth coat and making her shiver.
“Are you cold, AJ? I can get us a bigger blanket, if you want.”
Author: "I've been going through a large amount of blankets lately, so could you chip on for the cost?"
Applejack’s hoof started working furiously at her clit, the fetlock rubbing against the little nub. “N- no, I’m okay. Promise.”
Fluttershy: But... I thought Applejack never lies?
Rainbow Dash: I think in this context, she, ugh, isn't.
She shivered again, letting a grunt slip past her held breath.
Author: "WHAT?! A grunt slipped past?! Gather the dogs! We'll find that grunt if it's the last thing we do!
Pinkie scooted closer, her stomach pressed right against AJ’s back. AJ rubbed herself more, shuddering at the contact
Author: Lenses, which were really difficult to put in.
and the way Pinkie’s breath tickled her ear. “Is something wrong?”
Rainbow Dash: "I'm stuck in a bad clop-fic, that's what's wrong!"
“N- nooooooohhhhh, yeah!” Applejack let out a short whinny, her body shaking with tremors of pleasure.
Author: If by "tremors" you're also referring to the giant man-eating worms, then I approve.
Applejack was panting heavily, and she turned over so she was facing her friend, a deep blush on her face.
“H- hey, Pinkie... D- didja really kiss Dash? Didja really taste her down there?”
Author: "Did you taste the rainbow?" (Rainbow Dash uppercuts him into the ceiling.) Okay... Maybe... That was a little... Uncalled for...
Pinkie felt a blush coming on, but wasn’t sure why.
Fluttershy: I'm also not sure what perspective we're looking at the story from...
She didn’t feel embarrassed, especially not when it came to making treats. “Yes, I did. It was the only way I could think of to get the treats to taste just right!”
Rainbow Dash: Did you ever think of, I don't know, USING A COOKBOOK?!
“Do ya... wanna try tastin’ me, then?” Pinkie thought for a moment. If she tasted AJ, she might get another good idea for a new treat! And if she could taste all her friends...
Author: Then she'd have an excuse to make even more chapters which she can torture us with!
Instead of a vocal answer, Applejack got a snout pressed against hers, a tongue tickling hers as it fluttered around inside her mouth.
Fluttershy: I'm, uh, going to assume that's a yes...
She let out a muffled moan as she wrapped her forelegs around Pinkie’s upper body.
Pinkie pulled out of the kiss, fighting for air.
Author: Is she having sex or is she deep sea diving?
She panted, her face red from the exertion. “You taste like...
Rainbow Dash: Ketchup?
Fluttershy: Bird seed?
Author: Shame?
like cider! Mmm, better than cider...~<3”
Author: Did... Pinkie just say an emoticon?
Fluttershy: I believe she said "Tilde-bracket-three", but I'm not sure what that means.
Pinkie stuck her tongue into Applejack’s waiting mouth, their lips locked as their tongues slide up and down one another.
*~*~*
Applejack’s hind legs were wrapped around Pinkie’s head,
Author: And she performed a pile-driver!
holding it in place as the poofy-maned mare ate her like an excited puppy would a bowl of stew.
Rainbow Dash: That... Um... That... Um...
Fluttershy: That's horrible! You shouldn't feed puppies stew! They need a proper diet!
Applejack let out a hoarse squeal
Author: Badum-tish!
as Pinkie Pie got her to cum once again. Her brain regaining the ability of coherent thought, she asked, “So... Wadda Ah taste like down under, Pinkie?”
Author: Like Australia I'd assume.
Pinkie licks the love juice off her muzzle before laying on top of AJ once again. “It tastes like the sweetest apple pie I’ve ever eaten! It was sooo cinnamon-ny!” Pinkie giggled, nuzzling her orange friend.
Rainbow Dash: "Could've used less preservatives."
“Well, Ah’m glad ya liked it, Pinks. I... *yawn* Ah liked it, too.” Pinkie doesn’t hear her, she’s already fast asleep. AJ gives Pinkie a quick kiss, and dreamt of a world that tastes like cotton candy.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, well, I'm going to dream of a world where I don't have to read stuff like this. I'm out of here!
Fluttershy: Um, wait...
Author: Yeah, I'm just glad today was a short entry. Better to have a really crappy story that you can get over with than a mediocre story that drags.
Fluttershy: Wait...
Rainbow Dash: Ugh! Why won't this stupid door open!?
Fluttershy: WAIT!
Rainbow Dash and Author: ...
Fluttershy: I, uh, think there's more chapters.
Author: ... Son of a-
Chapter 2: Marshmallow Heaven
Author: -bitch.
Rarity was just closing up her boutique when the door jingled.
Rainbow Dash: Don't you just hate it when doors do that?
She turned around, watching it slowly close. She trotted over, catching it before it closes completely. She takes a look to the left, right, up, and then down. Seeing nothing there, she shrugs. "Must have been a gust of wind."
Fluttershy: The wind blew a heavy wooden door completely open?
She closed and latched the door, pulling the wall length curtain across the front of the boutique. She turned around, running snout-first into a warm, pink, and... Rarity's thought processes melted away when she felt her friend's tongue slip into her mouth, probing. Her eyes rolled as a shiver ran down her spine.
Author: Rarity stars in "Alien".
Pinkie pulled back from the kiss, a trail of saliva still connecting their tongues as she pants a little and goes on the attack again.
Rainbow Dash: The police were disgusted by the amount of blood at the crime scene.
'I've always thought of myself as a straight mare, but...' Her thought was interrupted as she let out a low moan. She was getting wet.
Fluttershy: I think she needs a new roof...
'But, just this once... Trying new things is always a good idea.'
Author: I've always thought that being raped by a random pony in the dark was a bit weird, but I guess there's a first time for everything.
Pinkie Pie pulled back again, a blush forming on her cheeks as she lets out a small moan of her own.
Author: I don't think she's blushing nearly as hard as Fluttershy is right now.
Fluttershy: H-Hey!
Rarity knocks Pinkie to the ground, straddling her. She starts rubbing her clit against the party pony's, and the blush deepened, the moan quavered, gathering in pitch. "Mmnh, Pinkie~ What's brought this on, hmm?" Rarity starts nibbling on Pinkie's ear.
Rainbow Dash: "Pinkie! You really ARE made of cotton candy!"
Fluttershy: Oh no! Now she can't hear!
Giving off another moan, Pinkie said, "I- Eyeeaaahhhh~<3 I tasted the rainbow, and then Dash.
Rainbow Dash: Already used that joke.
Mmph!" Rarity's grinding picked up speed.
Author: Rarity Unicorn: Pro Skater.
"She tast-ah! tasted li- like, every type of- oooohhhhh! fruit at once, and I... I wanted to ta-ayiee-ste what everyone else was like! Ohh, YEA!"
Author: Don't talk with your mouth full. (kicked in the face by Rainbow Dash)
Pinkie let out a loud moan as she came, and Rarity giggled. "What do I taste like, dearie?"
Fluttershy: Like a new paragraph for a different speaker, but I suppose that isn't happening.
Pinkie panted, blushing a deep strawberry red. "Like vanilla frosting. Ah.. Hah... hah...
Rainbow Dash: She just remembered a great joke.
Wha... what was that? Th- that was amazing..!" Rarity locked lips with Pinkie once again.
"Was that really your first orgasm, Pinkie dear?" Pinkie giggled, Rarity's little pecks on her cheeks and neck interspersed with her nibbling on Pinkie's ear.
Fluttershy: Rarity's a bird and a squirrel bundled into one.
"Y-yes," she gasped. Rarity just kept nibbling on her ear.
All: Stop nibbling!
"Looks like I'm going to have to teach you a few tricks, then. It'll help in your... 'research', I'm sure."
Rarity got off of Pinkie, turned around, and laid back down, her glistening pussy lips right in front of Pinkie's snout.
Author: Okay, is "snout" really the right way describe her mouth? Because I start thinking of a pig when I hear that.
"Can you do what you did with your tongue there, too, Pinkie?" Pinkie Pie was transfixed by the glistening pink between the pouting, juicy white lips.
Author: Even Rarity's PUSSY pouts!
Rainbow Dash: Rarity doesn't pout. She whines.
Fluttershy: Wait, when has Opalescence ever pouted?
Rainbow Dash: ... Fluttershy, I think we're on a different page.
Author: I think we're on in a different chapter.
She pushed her tongue into it, eliciting a long moan that ended in a squeak from Rarity. "Ohhh... yess! Hah, hah, j-just like that- ohhh...." Rarity shoved her tongue into Pinkie's pie,
Author and Rainbow Dash: (Face palm/hoof)
Fluttershy: Why does Pinkie have one of her pies lying on Rarity's floor.
Author: Did I say different chapter? I meant different book.
fluttering it around expertly. She delighted at the sweet taste of Pinkie's love juices. It was like the best berry smoothie she'd ever had.
Rainbow Dash: I think the writer was thirsty when he wrote this.
The two mares lost track of time, swapping juices, moans and saliva.
Author: "I'll trade you my Pikajuice for your Bulbamoan. And I'll throw in my Salivazard to sweeten the deal."
Fluttershy: I won't ask...
Author: Hey, be glad I didn't mention anything about Squirtle and Jigglypuff.
Rarity taught Pinkie how to be rough, sensual, and how to get somepony on the very edge of an orgasm, and keep them there until you were ready yourself.
Rainbow Dash: All for a cheap price of $49.99.
They had so much fun, that Rarity barely remembered to ask. "So... what did I taste like?"
Pinkie thought for a second. "Like marshmallows. You're magically delicious, Rare-bear!
Author: "You're greeeeeeat!"
Let's do this again, hmm?~~<3"
Fluttershy: Please... Stop doing that. It's weird...
Rarity nuzzled the pink mare, giving her another kiss before swatting her rump with her tail.
Rainbow Dash: "Sorry, there was a mosquito on your butt."
"Go on, Pinkie dearest. I need to shower before opening the store, and you should head home and do the same."
Pinkie giggled, and trotted down the street, her legs still too wobbly to let her hop.
Author: "Women weaken legs!"
Chapter 3: Warm Delight
All: NOOOOO!
Rainbow Dash: How many chapters are there?!
Fluttershy: I think... five.
Author: Gragh!
Pinkie was happily hopping towards the home of her very bestest, smartiest friend in the whole wide world;
Author: Why, author of course!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, in your dreams.
Fluttershy: You do realize she's having sex with all her friends, right?
Author: ... Oh no. Forget it! I take it back! We're mortal enemies!
Rainbow Dash: I think there's some secret desires going on in that brain of yours, author. (Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy giggle and give each other a hoof-five as author screams in frustration.)
the Ponyville Public Library. Her friend, of course, was Twilight Sparkle.
'Ohh, I wonder what she'll taste like? Blackberries? Blueberries? Grapes?
Rainbow Dash: Forced situations?
Hmm... Tee-hee! If this is her first time, and it is grapes... I wonder if they'd fermented?
Author: Badum-tish!
Pinkie's mind was too busy with debating what her eggheaded friend might taste like
Fluttershy: Eggs?
to notice the very demure mare in front of her, until she was quite literally on top of her.
"Oh! Sorry, Fluttershy! I didn't see you there..."
(All eyes turn to Fluttershy.)
Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy... You do know what this means, right?
Fluttershy: Shutting my eyes now...
Pinkie trailed off as she stared into her butter-yellow friend's eyes. They were like little pools of water...
Author: Water? I can't believe they're not butter!
She could almost feel herself being pulled in...
"P-p-pinkie... You... Are you alright? I'm so sorry, I think I forgot to look where I was going. Here, let me take you home so I can check for any bruises." Fluttershy started back towards her cottage, the hyperactive party pony walking calmly behind her.
Rainbow Dash: I'm going to be wondering all day if he used 'hyperactive' and 'calm' like that on purpose.
What they say is true. The stare could tame even the wildest beasts.
*~*~*
Pinkie's eyes shifted back into focus;
Fluttershy: The glasses really helped.
and she was confused. She wasn't in the town square anymore - which was named wrong anyways, it was obviously a circle, I mean, duh! - in fact, it looked like...
Rainbow Dash: Hey! No pointing out logical flaws! That's what we're supposed to do!
Fluttershy's cottage had a faint glow coming from the windows, as there were myriad candles spread across the tables and the fireplace mantle. The fireplace itself had a cozy fire residing within, crackling happily away as it turned pieces of wood and coal into heat and ash.
Rainbow Dash: I'm confused. Is Pinkie inside or outside?
"Oh! You're awake." The buttery pegasus trotted over to Pinkie, her hips swaying much more than normal, until she finally swung to far to the left, upsetting the fragile balance she had striven to maintain. "Eep!"
Author: Oh joy. It seems this Fluttershy is not only the hussie Fluttershy, but also a bad-at-being-hussie Fluttershy. This is PRECISELY how I want to see one of my favorite ponies portrayed.
Fluttershy closed her eyes,
Fluttershy: I already have my eyes closed.
Rainbow Dash: Then how did you read that sentence.
Fluttershy: Um... I... Oh, I admit it! I can't look away! It's like watching a train wreck about to happen, I can't take my eyes off it!
expecting to hit the hard floor. Instead, she finds her head landing on a very soft, very warm object. She peeks out, he eyes only partially open.
"Fluttershy, what are you doing?" Pinkie giggled as she helped her friend to her hooves. "You're falling head over hooves today! Silly pony,"
Author: Trips are for kids!
Pinkie said as she patted the pegasus on the head, "You can't put that much swag in your step!" Pinkie then began to shake her hips very slightly as she trotted around in a circle.
Author: (Singing) Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a pink pony: no time for clop.
When she saw Fluttershy staring at her flank, she waggled it seductively before swishing her tail, wrapping it around her leg
Fluttershy: Don't trip!
and winking at the pegasus.
Pop! Pinkie wasn't sure whether it was Fluttershy's eyes widening, her wings extending fully, or a vein breaking near Fluttershy's cheeks that had caused the sound, but it definitely came from her winged friend.
Rainbow Dash: I think it was the universe exploding from how ridiculous these stories are.
The pegasus' face was turning a lovely shade of red as she continued to stare, as if frozen in place.
Author: I think she broke Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: (whimpers)
Rainbow Dash: I also think she broke this Fluttershy.
Author: But the clop hasn't even started yet.
Pinkie trotted past her, running her tail along the slim-lined curves of her shy friend as a thought formed. Hmm... I'll have to wait on Twilight, I think... Fluttershy was going to be last on my list, but...
"Fluttershy, why were you swinging your hips around like that, hmm?" Pinkie continued rubbing her body against hers, nuzzling the wings and nibbling on her ear.
Author: What's with ponies and nibbling on ears? Do they taste good or something?
"I... I was being- Hahn! M... mooorre~! More asserti- ahh!" Pinkie's affections were definitely being accepted,
Rainbow Dash: Weird way to put it.
Author: "Hey Mom, I love you!"
Rainbow Dash: "Your affections are accepted! Have a good day and drive carefully!"
but she decided to back away for a bit.
Trotting closer to the fire, she beckoned to Fluttershy with her tail, giving the demure pegasus an amazing view of her glistening moist plot in the candlelight.
Author: I'm reading this story for the plot, after all.
Fluttershy's nose seemed to rupture.
Rainbow Dash: I blame it on the aliens.
'Huh. I guess it was a blood vein,' Pinkie thought to her self as she stifled a giggle. Instead, she turned to her friend and began to lick her face, applying her sticky saliva to the wound to help it clot.
Fluttershy: (Whimpering in pain.) That's... not... how you properly... treat a wound...
"Ahh, Pinkie..." Pinkie slipped her tongue into her friend's mouth, the sweet taste of butterscotch dancing on her tongue.
Author: Literally.
"Mmmm... mmrph, mmmhaah!"
Rainbow Dash: What did she say?
Author: She said-
Fluttershy: "WHY AM IN THIS AWFUL STORY?!"
Fluttershy panted in the cutest possible way, her breath barely coming out as she squeaked, rather than moaned, her pleasure.
Rainbow Dash: Nothing like having sex with a chipmunk.
Pinkie was on her before either of them could think. Pinkie looked into the other mare's eyes, losing herself in them as she kept her lips locked with Fluttershy's.
Author: "I knew I should've taken a left at Albuquerque."
Fluttershy was glad that Rarity had talked her into this. Pinkie was obviously way more experienced than her, and... if she could learn a few things, maybe Twilight would... Her thoughts were interrupted as she let out a moan that was out of her normal vocal range.
Author: I'm sorry. Did I miss some vital plot point?
Pinkie giggled as Fluttershy let loose to the loudest moan - louder even than her cheering at the Young Flier's Contest - she had ever heard. 'I guess it was good to come here first, rather than Twilight's.'
Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah, because, um... Why?
Since Fluttershy had broken the kiss, Pinkie
Author: Had to buy a new one.
squirmed, turning herself around, until her snout was right up against Fluttershy's warm, sweet-smelling plot.
Author: You know, you can just say "ass".
Rainbow Dash: Maybe Fluttershy has a script lying around that Pinkie's smelling?
She hesitated as she remembered something Rarity had told her. "Um, Fluttershy..."
Hearing a note of concern in the pink pony's voice, something that seemed completely wrong to hear,
Fluttershy: That's because it's off-pitch.
Fluttershy rubbed a hoof across her mane, moving it to see her friend better. "Um... y-yes?"
"Are... are you a virgin?"
Rainbow Dash: Is that question going to be a running theme?
Fluttershy blushed, not expecting this. "Um, um, um..." She let out the tiniest squeak as she whispered "...yes..." before giving her head a small jerk.
Author: And I'm sure that head really appreciates the jerk you gave it.
"Oh, um, well... if... If I try to stick my tongue in, I might hurt you,
Rainbow Dash: "It's covered in spikes."
and... I- I don't want to do that, okay? Rarity, when she removed my hyme- hymne-whatever, it hurt, but she was very, very, gentle, and it didn't hurt a lot, but..."
Author: WHO. IS. TALKING? There's this thing called "separate paragraphs for each speaker"...
Pinkie's ears drooped, and her mane sagged a bit. "I'm not a very gentle pony." She lowered her head and closed her eyes, not wanting to see her friend's face if she were to be scared.
"Okay." Pinkie raised her head, her eyes opening to see Fluttershy wearing a determined, horny look on her face.
Fluttershy: I'm desperately hoping the writer means I just spontaneously grew a bunch of horns on my face...
"If... since you warned me, it's okay. You told me what to expect. You're a gentle pony, Pinkie," Fluttershy caressed her friend's inner thigh as she nuzzled her pink-lipped plot. "You're just... excitable." Fluttershy giggles.
Rainbow Dash: And the reader cries.
Pinkie smiled a small, soft smile at those words, the tension building in her being completely released. She begins to lick Fluttershy's pouting lips, her friend's squeaks and moans a melody that built with her orgasm.
Author: The melody was "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men.
The party pony almost lost herself
Fluttershy: Again.
Author: She should get a GPS.
as the pegasus' tongue went inside of her, the moans and squeaks becoming muffled as the yellow mare flitted her tongue around Pinkie's pussy.
*~*~*
The two mares continued their game,
Author: Of monopoly.
orgasms being the ultimate goal.
Fluttershy: I suppose it's always good to have a goal in mind.
Pinkie had broken Fluttershy's hymen hours ago, and the pain had completely disappeared. Despite what Pinkie had said, she was a most amazingly gentle lover.
Rainbow Dash: She's the Mary Sue of sex.
She caressed Fluttershy's insides so lovingly, each flick and flutter of her tongue matching Fluttershy's own gentleness. They were perfectly in sync, despite their opposites in just about everything.
When they were finally too tired to continue, the score was as it always should be. A tie.
Author: Actually, it should be around 3-2, with the home team winning.
"Pinkie... I've... I've never felt so good." Fluttershy and Pinkie were now lying in Fluttershy's bed, snuggling as close together as possible. "I... didn't think it was possible." Fluttershy nuzzled her pink friend, who was surprisingly tired. It amazed her that the ever hyper pony could ever reach this state.
Rainbow Dash: A CYBORG pony on the other hoof...
Pinkie nuzzled her back, giving her a loving kiss. Her face was showing only love, but her eyes...
"Pinkie, is... is something wrong? Did I... was I not good?"
Author: ... Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't help but picture Fluttershy with a cigarette.
Pinkie giggled. "No, you weren't good, Fluttershy. You were amazing! But..." Pinkie frowned, seemingly deep in thought.
Author: Key word "seemingly".
"I can't figure out what you taste like. Aj tasted like apple-cinnamon pie, Rarity tasted like Marshmallows. Dashie was like that rainbow I ate in Cloudsdale, but you... you taste so amazing! I can't place it! It's like... like...
Author: Bacon!
something so amazing, not even the Goddesses could possibly describe it!
Rainbow Dash: "Oh yeah? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"
I..." Pinkie was definitely frustrated at her lack of ability at naming a morsel she had tasted that was anywhere near as good as Fluttershy's love juices.
Author: May I make a suggestion? Whenever someone tastes something, and they aren't sure what the flavor is, just say; "It tastes like Fluttershy."
Fluttershy: Please... Don't...
She turned to look at the surprisingly assertive mare, her lovely, soft pink mane gently framing her yellow face.
Author: Uh oh! Looks like Fluttershy's been fram-
Rainbow Dash: (Uppercuts author.) Pun interception!
"You're too perfect, Fluttershy! I don't mean that in a bad way, you're just too perfect to describe! Your lips taste of butterscotch, but... yeah..." Pinkie just drifted off, staring into Fluttershy's amazing eyes. 'The eyes that stole me once, and could have me forever... if I weren't so into with this quest of mine.'
Author: Pinkie's the Charlie Sheen of Equestria.
Fluttershy nuzzled the pink mare, gently kissing her. "Sleep on it, Pinkie. You'll come to an answer soon enough." The two mares, still locked in their loving embrace, drifted off into amazingly similar dreams;
Rainbow Dash: They were both dreaming about a world with no clop.
the only difference, was that each dreamer saw only their self with Twilight. But both were now thinking the same question; 'What does she taste like?'
Rainbow Dash: Probably dust or something.
Author: Maybe beer.
Fluttershy: ... Pinkie? May I have a moment outside?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) I don't know. I don't normally-
Fluttershy: ...
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Oh, um, okay.
(Doors open and Fluttershy walks outside, the doors closing behind her. Author and Rainbow Dash wince as they here a long, shrill shriek.)
Author: Perhaps we should take a break.
Rainbow Dash: Um, yeah.
Rainbow Dash: Feel better?
Fluttershy: A little...
Author: On a positive note, now you don't have to worry about any more scenes involving you.
Fluttershy: I... Suppose that's good...
Rainbow Dash: You know, I've never been able to figure out why humans like clop. Is it some popular thing back where you come from?
Author: Not... exactly. I don't know why myself. But this story's made me thinking... Maybe clop tastes good?
Fluttershy: It would have a taste?
Author: Maybe. It's like Ratatouille, where you take two good tastes and mix them together.
Rainbow Dash: I'm not sure it works like that.
Author: Perhaps, unbeknownst to all the unenlightened, the people that like clopfics are actually fine connoisseurs of the fanfiction world, able to carefully judge and test stories by their taste. Perhaps they're really geniuses!
All: ... (Burst out laughing.)
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: (Between laughs.) We've got story sign!
Chapter 4: Derpinkie Pie
Rainbow Dash: Now the writer's just screwing with us with these titles.
Pinkie was hopping happily towards the library, fluttershy's sweet nectar still heavily laden on her tongue.
Fluttershy: Yes... nectar...
They had decided to go another round, Pinkie trying to figure out Fluttershy's taste, and Fluttershy just happy for the experience.
Author: Well, at least Pinkie's thorough.
She couldn't wait! Twilight was the last- wham! Pinkie was able to jump out of the way, barely a second before the crate landed in the middle of the cobblestone path.
"Wooh... That was close! Twitcha-twitch saves the day!"
Author: THat would make a great comic. "The Adventures of Twitcha-twitcha".
Pinkie swiped a forehoof across her brow, her smile turning into a frown of concern as Ditzy Doo floated down, tears in her crossed eyes.
Rainbow Dash: Oh, he is NOT going there!
Fluttershy: I think he is...
"Aww, Ditzy... What's wrong? Did I startle you again?"
Author: Have you startled her before?
The blonde pegasus shook her head, not in the mood to blame it on a friend of hers. Maybe sometimes, but not this one. It had been her own fault.
Rainbow Dash: Nice. Glad to know you only blame your friends some of the time.
"N-no... I- I was just trying to find the package slip for it, s-so I could deliver it c-correctly, a-and... Oh, Celestia!"
Fluttershy: "What's that on your face?!"
The mare dropped onto the ground,
Author: DEAD. Police were baffled!
pounding her head with her hooves. "Stupid! Stupidstupidstupid!" She started sobbing, trying to piece the crate back together.
Fluttershy: A little duct tape always helps.
"I- I- I can't... If I lose my job, they- they'll take Muffin... They'll take my little Dinky!"
Rainbow Dash: "But the muffin's more important!"
The blonde pegasus
Author: The writer is REALLY emphasizing how blonde Ditzy is.
Rainbow Dash: I wonder if he's trying to say something about blondes?
pulled the ruined crate apart, the lyre inside broken beyond repair. "It's... it's... Oh, sweet Celestia, it's
Author: "ALIVE! MUAHAHAHA!"
Lyra's!" She burst into another round of tears, Pinkie holding onto her as she cried herself out.
Pinkie checked her tail for the bag of bits she kept there.
Author: Why would...?
Fluttershy: It's better not to ask.
Finding it, she scooped up the pegasus and the broken lyre, and galloped towards the music store.
Rainbow Dash: She's going to buy the world's tiniest violin.
*~*~*
Pinkie watched from the house's rooftop as Ditzy placed the package carefully on the front doorstep. The blonde pegasus then lifted a hoof and tentatively moved it towards the doorbell. ding~dong!
Fluttershy: Wow! It rang and she didn't even have to press it!
"Yes? Oh, good afternoon, Ditzy, dear! Is my package here already?" Bon-bon's voice was sweet and rich, and for a second, Pinkie fantasized about what she might taste like...
Rainbow Dash: Bonbons?
'No!' The pink mare shakes her head, getting rid of the dirty thought. '... at least... not until after my friends.... No! Not even then! She's married,
All: (Spit out coffee they were just drinking.)
Fluttershy: ... When did we get coffee?
and that would be bad! Bad, bad, bad!
Author: When no one was looking, Pinkie Pie took forty cakes. She took 40 cakes.That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.
... Unless Lyra...' She almost smacked herself in the face to stop that last thought.
Rainbow Dash: That's how I stop my thoughts.
Author: You have thoughts?
Rainbow Dash: You have a face that's intact?
Author: What's that supposed to- (Rainbow Dash bucks him in the face.)
"Okie Dokie, Bon-bon! You're all set! Sorry about the delay!" Bon-bon waved a hoof in a small motion.
"I understand perfectly well, dear. You're a busy mare! You take mail almost all across Equestria! I'm surprised you haven't been promoted, actually."
Fluttershy: Because that's her job?
Bon-bon and Ditzy said their goodbyes.
"Thanks a bunch, Pinkie! I don't know how I could have done this without-" The roof was now empty; Pinkie was gone. "-you?" The mailmare shrugged, heading back towards the office to see if any new deliveries were being made today.
Rainbow Dash: Nope, only old deliveries.
*~*~*
She couldn't believe it. After everything that had happened, now this. She felt the tears coming. She couldn't believe it. The ex-mailmare walked home, laden by the news.
Fluttershy: Take it easy on with your ladens...
She wondered how it would affect her daughter, Dinky.
After all her failings, she'd been promoted. Boxy Brown had promoted her from mailmare, to... to the wonderful position of manager.
Author: The postal service as we know it is doomed.
A smile spread across her face. 'I'm gonna be the best manager ever! There's nothing for me to drop or break! Yes!!!' She spread her wings, flying as fast as possible to tell her daughter the great, life-changing news.
Author: Then, because f the added workload, Ditzy would never her time to spend with her daughter. Dinky, feeling rejected, would eventually turn to a life of crime and drugs. Now, back to the clop!
*~*~*
Pinkie watched the new manager let out a whoop of joy, then take to the air. Smiling to herself for giving her friend the chance she needed, she looked back towards Boxy Brown. "See? I know she'll do better than she did at delivering mail, and now you can hire somepony new!"
Rainbow Dash: "Or else I'll never untie you and llet you go home to your family."
Her smile turned into a frown as her eyes narrowed. "Besides, isn't it great that you aren't holding her back any more? You were keeping her in the same position, just waiting for her to strike out. Deliveries that were already broken when you inspected them, given to Ditzy to deliver? For shame, Mister! For shame!" Pinkie Pie growled, causing the overseer of Equestria's mail to flinch.
Fluttershy: You'd think the overseer of all of Equestria's mail would live in Canterlot or Manehattan...
"I- I already said I was sorry! I j-just couldn't stand looking at her! Those eyes! They were too kind, always ready for a joke! How could anyone bear to let others treat them like that?! I- I was just trying to get her out!"
Author: I'm sorry, did we just stumble into a different story?
Pinkie stood over the cowering, strongly built pegasus. Her eyes narrowed even further from contempt. "It's a pity, mister. I always thought you were a pretty good pony. I guess I was wrong." She stuck a sticky-note to his forehead, then stomped out the door.
Boxy Brown got up in time to see her exit the building, and trot away. The further she got, the happier that trot became, until she had a skip - no, a hop - in her step.
Fluttershy: I'm glad you pointed out that vital difference.
He sighed, and walked over to the mirror. On the note, -the pink pony had actually written the note backwards- he read this; 'When you read this, you will find out that I don't want to ever hear about Ditzy getting fired. I'll be watching you
Rainbow Dash: Then, Pinkie pops out of a random jar and hisses;
forever. If Ditzy looses her daughter, I'm blaming you. She needed that promotion, and I'll be less severe since you at least gave it to her. You'll also have to pay an additional twenty percent on every baked good you buy from here on out. Well, until I deem you good enough to deserve our lowest prices again. Have a nice day!
~Pinkie Pie
Author: Yep. Pinkie's part of the mob. My life is complete.
Boxy Brown sighed, taking the note off of his head. 'And here I am thinking she was gonna kill me or something.'
Fluttershy: Um... Foreshadowing?
Rainbow Dash: The sticky part has a slow acting poison mixed in.
*~*~*
Pinkie bounced towards home. 'I can't bother Twilight now, it's a little late in the day. Oh, well... I'll head over tomorrow morning! Pinkie reached Sugarcube Corner just in time to close down. She checked the cash register. It was brimming, even though the Cakes had a strict 'discount for everypony' policy. She thanked Colgate for helping with the store that day, and let her go home.
Author: Wait, a pony that's named after tooth paste is helping at a place where they sell sweets? ... I'm on to you, SuperBigMac.
After extinguishing the lights, Pinkie made her way to her room, and fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillows.
Rainbow Dash: Well, she's had a... busy day.
Chapter 6: Shy Twi Pinkie
Author: Is the writer even trying anymore?
Pinkie Pie was standing outside of Ponyville's Public Library. She was currently daring the author to put anything else in her way.
Author: Oh yeah? I'd like to see you- Wait, WHAT?!
A/N: I am scared of Pinkie and her crazy ways, so I'm just gonna put in this little plot-advancement thing.
Author: Bah! I wouldn't give into her ways like THIS author would!
Rainbow Dash: COme on, let's keep moving.
Author: But-
Rainbow Dash: NOW.
Author: Yes, Rainbow Dash...
A voice, definitely male,
Fluttershy: Are you sure?
emanated from the other side of the library's door. "Alright, alright! I said I was sorry, Twilight! I was just trying to
Author: "See how many pencils I could stick in your nose."
check on you... Oh, hi Pinkie Pie."
Author: "Oh hi doggie."
Pinkie looked at Spike. He was dressed in the fanciest suit she'd ever seen him in, and it took her a second to regain her bearings. "Hi, Spike! Is Twilight okay?"
Fluttershy: "And which way is north?"
Spike shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I went to open her bedroom door so I could check on her, and a book flew at me.
Rainbow Dash: Either Twilight's pissed, or Discord is having a field day with her.
Afterwards, she yelled at me to just leave her alone, 'cause she was busy. She teleported this awesome suit to me, and told me to go bother somepony else. Like... Rarity..."
His eyes became hearts
Fluttershy: That must be very painful! How does he even see now?
as he thought about the perfection that was Rarity. He rode to the boutique on a magnificent beast,
Author: Yankee Doodle.
the Lady Rarity swooning at the sight of him. They leaned in close to each other, her eyes glistening in the sun's gentle light. 'Mi'lady, would you marry me?"
Rainbow Dash: "No."
The lovely unicorn with the purple mane put her forehoof over her eyes as she leaned back in his manly embrace. 'Oh, if only it were so simple! You are an amazing dragon, while I am a lowly unicorn, trapped forever by society!' Rarity bemoaned their misfortune, and The noble Spike
Author: Note the capitol "t".
came to her rescue with his words as well as his visage.
'Milady, you need not cry! Ride off
Rainbow Dash: "A cliff so we can be done with this pointless daydream."
into the sunset with me! We will escape the trappings of society together, and I shall build a castle befitting such a lovely mare as yourself!'
Author: A cruddy sandcastle.
The mare swooned again, then leaned in for a kiss...
Rarity sneezed three times, consecutively. "Sis! didja just sneeze three times? That means that somepony's thinkin' about ya, an' that they love ya!"
Fluttershy: Eek!
Rainbow Dash: What?!
Fluttershy: Sorry... I just get startled when the scene randomly changes...
"Sweetie Belle, I don't see what tha- Oh, my Goddesses! What did you do to my dress?! If I don't fix this by tomorrow, I'll be ruined! Ruined, you hear me?! RUINED!!!
Rainbow Dash: So... Is she going to be ruined?
Oh, Celestia! What will the noble ponies of Canterlot's Elite Society think if they see sub-par clothing such as this! We might as well live as savages!"
Fluttershy: You, uh, already had sex with Pinkie Pie. I'm not sure how much lower you can go...
Author: Hey, don't hate on gay people. Hate on the character being OOC.
Pinkie Pie pushed the dream-cloud away, disrupting the dragon's romantic daydream. "So... Twilight's sick? Maybe I should check on her.
Fluttershy: "I have a PHD in parties."
You go try ta make that dream a reality, okie dokie, lover boy?" Pinkie Pie gave Spike a playful wink and he skipped down the street, chuckling to himself.
Rainbow Dash: I'd laugh too if Pinkie was acting OOC.
Pinkie opened the door and could hear the muffled sound of Twilight... well, 'hoofing it'. Or, that's what Pinkie assumed it was, she couldn't really hear that well. 'Time for a closer inspection', she thought to herself.
Author: Cue music.
She tiphoofed up the stairs, passing the creaky one with an exaggeratedly slow step, reaching one leg up after the next ever so slowly, so that they barely made the teeniest, tiniest sounds possible, and- "Get on with it," Pinkie hissed through clenched teeth.
Fluttershy: I think she just channeled the reader's thoughts.
Well, fine then. Be that way.
Author: No, she was just talking to the narrator.
Pinkie reached the door to Twilight's room. With no other interruptions of course. Then, using a stethoscope - wait, when did she get a- "shhh!" ... sorry. Anyways...
Fluttershy: What's going on... I'm scared...
Author: Unfortunately, we're nearing the end of a SuperBigMac story... That means the entire universe is going to explode or something. Twice.
She pulled out a stethoscope, placed it against the door, and listened intently.
"Oooh... yeah! Mmmhmm! Fluttershy, y-you're amazing!" The party pony almost gasped aloud when she heard that.
Rainbow Dash: Uh, Fluttershy, remember what I said earlier about not having to be in another scene? I guess I lied.
Fluttershy: Why me...
Twilight's in there... with Fluttershy?!? ... Huh. Not even I saw THAT one coming.'
Glad I can still surprise you, P- "shut up," Pinkie whispered. Fine, I will.
Author: Come on, other author! Are you just going to take that?!
Pinkie continued to listen in, using her hoof to get off as well. Twilight and Fluttershy both yelled in unintelligible languages as they came together,
Author: Klingon?
and then Pinkie could her Fluttershy say "I love you, Twilight. I'm happy like this. You're the only pony to ever truly try to get me to be braver."
Fluttershy: Minotaurs on the other hoof...
Pinkie thought back to the time with the dragon. Fluttershy had only found encouragement from Twilight. Then, she looked through the episodes on my hard drive, and- HEY!
Rainbow Dash: Should... We even be reading this? It seems like the narrator is having some difficulties...
"Eh heh, sorry?" Pinkie shrugged, unabashed. I almost felt like bashing her, but... no. This is her chance.
Author: You hear that? This is HER chance! Not even the narrator is allowed to intervene!
"Really? That's what I taste like?" 'Dammit! I missed it!' "Well, I couldn't think of what you tasted like, so I'm going to say ambrosia."
Pinkie's face screwed into a confused frown. '...huh?' Fluttershy, sounding spaced, said "... huh?"
Rainbow Dash: And the readers, reading the story, said "WHY ARE WE READING THIS?!"
Twilight laughed. "Ambrosia! It's a name for food that simply tastes so amazing, that everypony loves it, but nopony can describe it! There are actually a few restaurants the Princess treated my family to dinner to that sold food that was indescribably good!"
Author: I always thought it was just the food of the gods, but I could be wrong.
There was a pause. Then, something was said that Pinkie wasn't able to pick up.
Fluttershy: I think it was, "Hey, Pinkie's right outside the door eavesdropping. What should we do?"
Pinkie stared daggers right at me,
Author: That's nothing! I can throw daggers with my eyelashes!
and I'm sorry, I'll get right back to it! Nothing more from me, I Pinkie Pie Promise!
"Oh, you gotta go already? I... I understand, I know how Spike got when I didn't feed him on time... Want me to spend the night tomorrow night? .... I'm sorry, I can't come over tonight, I do gotta do some studying,
Rainbow Dash: The writer do gotta do some pre-reading.
and a note to Celestia might be in order." Twilight giggled. "I definitely need to update my status on ManeScroll, and discontinue my U-Harmony account."
Author: Real world references with a pony twist? Oh, SuperBigMac, you so crazy!
After that, silence. A minute later, Pinkie cracked the door open the tiniest bit.
Fluttershy's wings were out at full mast,
Fluttershy: I want to be a tree, not a ship...
every feather in immaculate detail, her lips locked with Twilight's, both of their faces flushed with red.
Fluttershy: Although I'd rather be a ship than a toilet...
Fluttershy broke the kiss
Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy, you need to stop being so clumsy.
and nuzzled Twilight, before she got up and flexed her wings.
Author: "Check out THESE biceps!"
She got onto the balcony, blowing one last kiss goodbye before spreading her wings and leaping from sight.
Twilight laid back in bed and sighed. "Mmm~ Tomorrow night will be amazing... I could get used to love like that." She giggled as she played with herself with her hoof, her magic waylaid from overuse the night before.
Fluttershy: What did she use her magic for?
Rainbow Dash: Probably something far more interesting than this story...
She closed her eyes, and began to hum tunelessly to herself.
Author: The tune was... Um... Yeah.
Pinkie Pie slowly crept up to the bed. She then, ever so carefully, got onto the bed. Twilight was too blissed out to notice. She then put her head right next to Twilight's and whispered, "so? What do you taste like?"
Rainbow Dash: "Licorice. Why do you ask?"
Twilight didn't jump into the air, scream, or fall off the bed. She did nothing comical. She just stopped masturbating,
Author: That's comical if you think about Twilight and masturbating and how wrong that sounds.
opened her eyes to see Pinkie's right above her, and then closed them again.
Now is when she screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhh-mrph!"
Fluttershy: I think a random anvil hit her on the head.
Twilight opened her eyes again to see the pink pony's snout pressed against hers, the light blue eyes staring intently at her own.
Pinkie watched as Twilight's eyes rolled into the back of her skull.
Author: Um... I think now's a good time to phone 911.
Rainbow Dash: "Hello, this is the Ponyville emergency hotline, what's your emergency.
Fluttershy: "Um, I kind of kissed my friend. Then she started having a seizure.
Twilight started squirming. "Mmmh, Mrph, Mmph!" Pinkie finally broke the kiss. "Well, there's the grapes!" Pinkie said to herself aloud, letting out a little giggle.
Rainbow Dash: Grapes. (Shrugs.) They're funny, I guess.
"P-Pinkie! Wha- what the hay was that?!" Pinkie Pie regarded her wild-eyed, bewildered looking friend as if she'd grown an extra eye on her brow.
Author: That's because she HAD grown an extra eye. Surprise!
"Uhh, a kiss? Duh?" Pinkie cocked her head to the side, licking her lips. 'Rarity said the horn was sensitive to a unicorn, but wouldn't let me play with hers. I wonder...'
Author: (Singing) Who wrote the book of love?
"Pinkie! Were you spying on me and Fluttershy?!" Twilight was looking slightly beyond peeved.
Fluttershy: Maybe a little less than pissed, but more than annoyed.
Pinkie sighed. "If I say 'yes', would you stop with the shouting and head bobbing?"
Rainbow Dash: "I can't! That beat's just too catchy!"
Twilight was completely unprepared for her pink friend's sudden deadpan, so she left herself completely open for what happened next.
Pinkie placed herself above Twilight and used the headboard of the bed to keep herself from falling forward. Then, she used her free foreleg to pull Twilight's head closer. Written while listening to 'Pour your sugar on me'.
Author: Thank you, narrator, for telling me the name of a song I'll make sure never to listen to.
Twilight gasped as Pinkie started licking her horn, the feeling rippling down her spine. I'd totally copy pasta this scene from the one with Lyra and Bon-bon, where Bon-bon does the same thing, but I can't find it and I'm too lazy to look through all the chapters of 'The Back Room'.
Rainbow Dash: Saves us the trouble of making fun of you for it.
You should read that fic. Best Pony Porn with a plot (heh heh) ever.
Author: I'm assuming the narrator laughed because such a thing is an oxymoron.
"Pinkie... Ohhhh, Celestia! P-Pinkie, what's gotten into you?!" Twilight reached her climax.
Author: "You did!" (Shot in the head by the reader. Nice job.)
Pinkie pulled her head back from Twilight's horn, literally shocked.
Rainbow Dash: Her coat was singed and everything!
"Wooo! That was awesome! Your horn tastes like Blueberry Pop-Rocks! Sooooo fizzy!" Pinkie Pie giggled madly as she settled down on top of the unicorn.
Fluttershy: She built a cottage, had three kids, and tilled the land.
She locked lips with Twilight once again, her hips shaking as she tried to grind the unicorn mare. Y'know, this is suspiciously like a rape scene... I'mma stop that nao.
All: Thank you.
Fluttershy: Finally, a writer that gets it that we don't want to read about rape...
Author: I can't exactly speak on behalf of the rest of the community...
Twilight gave in, accepting Pinkie's touch and affections. She could feel her orgasm building, and that only added to her want- no, her need- for more pleasure. "Haaahhh, Pinkie~~<3!!!"
All: (Laughing.)
Author: That's my new signature for forums!
Next time, on Pinkie-D'aawww Squee!
*~*~*
obvious parody of DBZ
Fluttershy: I don't think you need to tell us if it's so obvious...
Twilight felt great. Again. Pinkie had caressed and eaten her in ways that surpassed Fluttershy's amazing prowess. She wondered for a second if Pinkie had taught Fluttershy.... Nah, not likely.
The pink party mare put her snout back into Twilight's pussy lips, her tongue sending shivers and tingles all along the unicorn's body. 'Twelve times,' the purple unicorn thought to herself. Twelve times, and she's still got you going. Sweet Celestia, could I die from an overdose of orgasms?'
Author: We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of one Twilight Sparkle, who died on orgasm number fifty three.
Hmm... Tempting, but I think I'll keep Pinkie alive this time around. And I couldn't kill you, that'd break 'Shy's widdle heart!
Rainbow Dash: When did The Lunacy get into the story?
"AAah!" Twilight moaned.
"Arrgh!" Pinkie groaned.
Fluttershy: I know the writing's bad, but you don't have to scream about it.
Author: Look who's talking. (Fluttershy blushes)
"What's wrong? You're doing great, Pinkie. Any more, and processes thought my would hard straight be to keep!
"I can't figure you out, Twilight. You taste like coffee, and... and cheesecake, and... and grapes, and chocolate, and I can't think of it! It's a flipping dessert! I should know this! Arrgh!" Twilight giggled.
Rainbow Dash: Whatever it is, it sounds nasty.
"Well, actually... Fluttershy said I reminded her of that dessert I bought her at the Italian restaurant to congratulate her after facing the dragon." No, Pinkie. You won't find it in my video archives!
Author: Look, narrator... I know I'm not one to be talking, but please just stay out of this. You're making this all very confusing.
"The dessert is called 'Tiramisu'. It means 'pick me up'. She'd actually thought it was a bit of a pick-up line on my part, and... well, I do like, totally get her shyness."
All: Like, totally!
Twilight blushes. "I was the same before becoming enthralled with getting into the Princess' school. After that, life was too blurred to be shy." Twilight gets a warm smile, her eyes looking off into the distance. "That's why I feel like I can love her for who she is... and who she could become."
"Yeah, you could even become great STUDY BUDDIES!
Author: Badum-tish.
Rainbow Dash: She'll be here all night, folks.
OR, MAYBE A NEW COLT COMES TO TOWN AND UR LIEK 'O EM JAY! iT'S TREY!' AN HE'Z AUL, 'NO! I LURV FLUDDERSHAI EVEN THO HER PAST HAUNTS HER. MINE DOZ TWO!'
Pinkie trotted away from the tree that housed the library, much cleaner and fresher than she had been that morning. It was now dusk, and Spike was just returning. "Oh! Hi, Spike! How'd it go?"
Fluttershy: "Well, the town will need a bit of rebuilding, but otherwise fine."
Spike looked up at the frazzle-maned pink pony. "... Huh?"
Pinkie giggled. "Oh, silly! Details, details! How'd it go? Should I throw a party for you and Rarity?"
Spike snorted. "Nah." A smile crept onto his face. "But, if you could throw a party for me and Applebloom, I'd sure be grateful."
All: (Exchange glances.) ...
Author: This..
Pinkie giggled at this news, Aloe was gonna give her a big discount for this development in the Great Sparity Spectacle. It seemed a new challenger had appeared.
Author: Nintendo presents, "Super Clop Ponies".
Ohh, these were the parts Lotus just loved to hear about!
"Okie Dokie Lokie! I'll get Gummy and my trusty-dusty cannon, and we'll be ready to let it rip!
And thus ended Pinkie's search for new flavors.
All: Yes!
Okay, okay, not really.
All: NO!
Rainbow Dash: You liar!
After this, she did get that threesome with Lyra and Bonnie. Turns out, Lyra tastes like Saltwater Taffy. Bon-bon tastes exactly like what Pinkie thought.
Fluttershy: Radishes?
Twilight impregnated Fluttershy while using her magic as a 'horn', so they began wedding preparations.
They had help from Pinkie of course,
All: Of course.
not to mention Pinkie's sister and her four-pony ensemble.
The DJ, as Pinkie told Twilight later on, tasted like cherry pudding. She'd gotten that from her sister after many, many drinks. And the two ponies in the corner of the bar continued scribbling, their ice cream cutiemarks looking extremely delicious to Pinkie Pie.
Rainbow Dash. Gee. I wonder what they taste like?
Spike and Applebloom were happily dating.
All: No.
She'd gotten her cutiemark. a purple and green paint bucket. The paint was swirled into a heart. She definitely loved Spike, and he loved her. Her painting ability was amazing.
Author: Her most famous work was the Sisters Chapel.
Scoots and Sweetie Belle, as everypony knew was gonna happen, were torn from each other as Scoots went to flight school, and Sweetie went to Magic Kindergarten.
Rainbow Dash: Weren't they already out of...?
It sucked for both of them, but at least they weren't stuck with Snips and Snails anymore.
Author: That is a good point.
Trixie was still off on Gallophay 6, fighting robot space zombie pirates with a dapper brown earth pony whose cutiemark was an hourglass. They've had four kids. Or, so Trixie says.
Fluttershy: I don't believe her...
Lyra and Bon-bon have been friends with Ditzelda for so many years, that it came almost as a surprise when she showed up not to deliver the mail, but to take a break from work.
They hadn't been told of her promotion, but she was now even higher than Boxy Brown himself. She was working as the head of the entire Equestrian Packaging Services.
Rainbow Dash: No wonder I haven't gotten any letters yet.
She'd adopted another filly and remarried. Her and Colgate were happy together. Her brother Soarin still couldn't figure out how he'd lost his girl to his sister.
Author: SuperBigMac said it so it must be canon!
Oh, well. He still had a life time's supply of pie to eat from Sweet Apple Acres. And speaking of sweet apples...
Rainbow Dash was still pranking, and she even started a new prank-trend. 'Splaying'. You just lie perfectly still somewhere, with your wings spread out. The earth and unicorn ponies soon turned it into 'planking'.
Fluttershy: That sounds silly. I'm sure you're glad you don't have anything so ridiculous back in your world, right author?
Author: Uh, yeah... Sure...
Dash found new things to troll about.
Author: I bet she wrote this under a pen name.
Rainbow Dash: No! (To herself, and scribbling in a notepad.) Though it is a good idea...
Let's see, um.... Mare Do Well made a brief reappearance after 3 or 4 years of not being there. The only problem was that there was no crime.
Rainbow Dash: I don't recall her ever fighting crime.
Author: Yeah, all she did was fight against the stupidity of other ponies.
Bethoofsda made a few more games, including SyWyrm. Everypony was shouting 'FAH SOR DO!' at everything they saw. And, of course, everypony chose the unicorn so they could do magic. But really? Stop complaining. Pegasai would be too hard to program into a game.
Fluttershy: No! All you'd need to do was make some tweaks to the graphic engine! Would it be so hard to make a repeatable jump function?! And- (Stares from Rainbow Dash and author.) I mean, uh, carry on...
In the season finale of 'My little Human' season three, First Sergeant Trenton was almost killed, but was saved due not to love or tolerance, but the billions of dollars put into the Army's medical funds. Lieutenant Cyn was absolutely ecstatic. The Prime Minister wished he'd had a better guard on duty.
Rainbow Dash: Ugh. No doubt some stupid bromans are writing clap stories as we speak.
Blueblood fell in love with Bluebelle, and Rarity and Elusive gathered enough strength to be together forever. THey were lost in a different dimension from either of their own. Thank Celestia it had running water and gems, or it would have been an absolutely savage place!
Author: Most "not fabulous", you might say.
... I've rambled on long enough. Good night, everypony! The End.
All: Argh!
Author: My brain! It used to be in such good condition,but now it's in shambles!
Rainbow Dash: I'd make a joke about you not having a brain but I'm too busy worrying about my own!
Fluttershy: It was okay.
Author: ... And it broke Fluttershy! She doesn't know what she's saying!
Fluttershy: But-
Rainbow Dash: Let's get out of here!
Author: Well. That sucked.
Rainbow Dash: I was kind of getting up until chapter five. Then the universe blew up.
Author: And poor Fluttershy here...
Fluttershy: (TO herself.) I'd never do such a thing... I'd never do such a thing...
Author: Actually, I think she'll be okay. Alright Pinkie, press the button.
RatherHomely: (From TV) Not quite yet...
Author: You! You're the monster that made us read this! This story does not belong in this world!
RatherHomely: (From TV) It was not by my hand that the story was published. It was made by SuperBigMac, who wished for ME to send it to you!
Author: Send it?! You steal others creations and make them your jokes!
RatherHomely: (From TV) Perhaps the same can be said of all religions.
Author: Your words are as empty as your soul. FiMFiction ill needs a savior such as the likes of you!
RatherHomely: (From TV, sipping a glass of champagne.) What is FiMFiction? A miserable little pile of clopfics! But enough talk! (Throws glass.) Have at you!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Alright, enough with the Castlevania reference.
RatherHomely: (From TV) Oh, right. As you three know, it's SuperBigMac's birthday.
Rainbow Dash: ... Yeah.
RatherHomely: (From TV) So I want you three to say happy birthday.
Fluttershy: But... But he was responsible for putting us through that!
RatherHomely: (From TV) Do you three want to leave? I can get another one of his stories. I've got his account right here...
All: (Panicking) Happy birthday, SuperBigMac!
Author: (Under his breath.) I hope you choke on your story...
RatherHomely: (From TV) What was that?
Author: Nothing!
RatherHomely: (From TV) That's what I thought.
(RatherHomely presses the button and the TV turns off with a blip.)