You know, instead of Two-Star Tuesday, maybe I should have Really-Early-Morning Wednesday.
Anyway, of all the two-star stories on Equestria Daily, this is the most recent and (arguably) the best, almost hitting a three-star rating. That's not saying much. After reading this story, although it does lack any gore or shipping, there are plot holes large enough to drive an oil tanker through. Yes, the writing is decent, and it is far better grammar-wise than most of the stories I've read, but it failed at drawing any sympathy from me towards Luna, in large part because of both the plot holes and the idiot ball Luna is constantly lugging around. For the original, un-riffed version, go here. I'm afraid this is going to be the last story I do for Two-Star Tuesday. I'm out of stories to riff. From the site (Well besides those two crossovers. But I'm not going to touch them with a 10 foot pole.)

---

Author: So that's how it happened?
Rarity: Indeed.
Twilight: Unfortunately, yes.
Author: Well, considering Bloomberg and Celestia are from two different biological kingdoms, I'd expect-
(Doors swing shut and lock.)
Author: Damn it! Guess we'll have to drop that conversation and never mention it again!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) It's okay, it didn't sound too interesting!
Rarity: Let's cut the pleasantries, Pinkie pie, what do you have in store for us?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Rainbow?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Your prank for today is a depressing story about Luna moping.
Twilight: Oh, so it's a story about Luna telling the audience a story that's depressing?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) No, it's depressing story because Luna spends the whole time moping, which nopony asked for!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got story sign!

---

Lunar Eclipse
By Landmine

Twilight: I think this is a warning that we should watch where we step with this fic...

"I didn't mean to, Tia!" I cried out. "I never meant to hurt anypony."

Rarity: "I didn't know ponies were flammable!

I sat in the grey dust that made up the moon,

Author: The moon is made of grey dust?

tears running down my face. I would be trapped here for decades to come, alone and forgotten.

Author: Except by the marketing staff.

I guess being forgotten would be for the better; everypony already thinks I'm a monster. I don't want to be forever remembered as Nightmare Moon or someone,

Twilight: What's wrong with someone?

I want to be remembered like Celestia: the bringer of the sun and happiness.
It is all my fault. Why didn't I study the spell longer? Why couldn't I simply have taken a second look at the details? That one spell has cost me everything. One stupid spell!

Rarity: My flash-back senses are tingling!
-----------------------------
Ever since Celestia and I had earned our cutie marks, we had been raising the sun and moon respectively. Every morning Celestia would bring out the sun to wake everypony up, and at night I would bring out the moon which would make everypony go indoors and sleep.

Author: Thank you captain obvious.

The daytime was like happiness: everypony was up and about doing this and that. There was nothing bad about the day, it brought fun and purpose.

Twilight: I don't think it's quite that simple.

Night, however, was not the same. Every evening the ponies would retreat to their houses - to the light inside - to avoid the darkness outside.

Rarity: Or maybe they were, I don't know, TIRED?!

When night came, it was as if life was sucked out of the world; no work would be done, no gatherings or meetings.

Author: How do you expect work to be done when no one can see anything?

Just silent sleeping. There also existed many horrible pony's tales that revolve around the night in all its "horror". The most well known is the tale about Nightmare Moon: a mare who lives in the moon and had been known to cause chaos only at night (or who will give disobedient fillies nightmares).
However, the one positive about night is that the moon is capable of enhancing magic.

Twilight: Hello, Mr. Plot-Device, I was wondering when you were going to arrive.

This is why I enjoy magic almost as much as the night. During the hours the moon is high in the sky, there are a few ponies who stay up and create spells and conduct advanced magic. A unircorn is capable of casting powerful spells at night,

Rarity: I've never met a unircorn personally, but they must be quite talented.

spells that are impossible to conduct during the day.

Author: Like casting a spell to find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop.

I constantly find myself studying spells and magical recipes to try all night. I've gone through thousands of pages and scrolls in the Royal Archives.

Twilight: The reason she was sent to the moon wasn't because of the spell, it was because she massacred an entire forest for parchment! Honestly, who uses that many pages? (Author and Rarity give her a hard look.) Oh, um, never mind...

The sad part was that most of Equestria was oblivious to the magic-enhancing powers of my moon. They either didn't know or didn't care; it is only unicorns who are affected.

Author: REALLY? ONLY the unicorns. An entire THIRD of the population hasn't realized that the moon enhances magical powers to the point of casting IMPOSSIBLE spells? You're telling me NO unicorn has ever stayed up later than usual, has never cast a spell at that hour, and has never noticed that the subsequent spell was far easier to cast than normal, or much stronger than normal? (Face-Desk-Slam.) WHY!?

While Celestia gets uncountable thanks for raising the sun and bringing happiness to Equestria, I get a handful of comments about the night.

Twilight: Hey, if it's constructive criticism, then that's all you need.

At first it didn't bother me; I knew everypony enjoyed the night, they just never said so. But then Tia started getting letters saying how much they preferred the day over the "scary/lonely/useless night".

Author: Alright, what asshole actually sent in letters commenting about the freaking time of day?

My jealousy started to grow.
Now, I loved Equestria and everything that it held (and I still do). I was one of the royal sisters (if not anymore), one who leads the people. I wouldn't have caused Equestrians harm because I felt jealous. I wouldn't even consider such a thought. I figured there was some way to make night more appealing; some way to make the darkness less feared and avoided.

Rarity: Make the moon brighter?

The Princess of the Night should be able to if nopony else can. So I started my search in the Royal Archives. I mentioned nothing to my sister. She has always been so rigid, so political that she would often jump to conclusions without asking questions.

Twilight: My bad, I thought this was "in-character Celestia" we were talking about. It seems it's the OOC Celestia we're discussing instead.

I knew she would think anything I did would be out of "wrong judgement", as she called it.

Author: I thought she called it "being an idiot", but that works too.

My search extended over a week. I had to find a spell, any spell - a lead if anything - to make my night more appreciated.

Rarity: Try the adds section in the newspaper.

I was so focused that I was sure some of the nights looked rushed; the stars probably weren't as organized, assuming they were even out.

Twilight: Don't you just hate it when somepony rushes their work, trying to get something produced last minute?
Rarity: Yeah, like a chapter in one of their stories!
Author: Yeah!
All: ...
Twilight: Did anyone else just get an odd feeling of hypocrisy?

Even after all my searches, I found nothing. Not a single thing that would help; not even to point me in the right direction. I had hardly come across a spell dealing with the night at all, and that didn't help my cause at all.

Twilight: You may find this hard to believe, Luna, but not many ponies have the chance to mess around with the stars and moon.

I figured I should soon give up my search by that point. After all the books I went through, if I hadn't found it, it probably didn't exist. I began returning the books that I had borrowed for the night when I accidentally bumped another book off the shelf. It was an older book written by Professor

Author: Clark.

Grizwald - a long-gone old friend - titled "The All-Inclusive Book of Advanced Nighttime Techniques".

Author: I'm not sure if this is a book about controlling the night, or something very, very different...

I was ecstatic! It was the first book I had found of its kind.

Rarity: Funny since it was a best seller.

I flipped through the thousands of pages of techniques, unique spells and helpful hints; every single one seemed more promising than the last.

Rarity: Hold on a tick, what hints? Who's he writing the book for? Is this supposed to be spells that control the night, or what? Please story, just let us know!

And then I found it; exactly the spell I was looking for - a spell entitled "Ethereal Night". Just to confirm my suspicion, I read what I needed to know: the spell would take a couple days to finish casting and that it would make the night more enjoyed and lovd. Of course the spell didn't have that latter effect, but I knew how to tweak it so that it could.

Twilight: I can just tell this is going to turn out SO well.

I returned to my room with the book at noon. I prepared for the spell which I would begin to cast at midnight. It was going to be a very special night for me.

Rarity: "Well, very special couple of days, but I digress."

I even wore my old royal attire; a helmet, neck-piece and pair of boots that had descended from my great-grandfather who fought and died in the war at the time.

Twilight: War? What war?
Rarity: Can we hear about THAT instead of THIS?

The helmet and neck-piece were both a deep blue - a vague difference between it and my blue self.

Author: Relish this, readers, as this is the last time you'll hear Luna refer to herself as "her blue self".

The warrior boots, on the other hoof, were colored a light-blue color to stand out.

Author: Am I the only one that thinks the outfit is incredible stupid looking?

The neck piece, in particular, held a light-blue, crescent moon gem which greatly increased my magical abilities. I had kept these for use in more royal or important events - such as this - while Celestia got rid of hers for more up-to-date attire.

Twilight: You mean the nothing she always wears? Really stylish.

I rose the moon as usual that night; I didn't want anyone thinking that something was up and end up interrupting me.

Rarity: Or you could, I don't know, TELL them not to disturb you for a few days? I'm pretty sure they'll listen, you are the same status as Princess Celestia.

I spent the time in between raising the moon and midnight studying how to perform the spell;

Author: Oh, just wing the damn thing! It's no fun if you memorize, just do a bit of improv.

I didn't want to take any risk of miscasting the spell and causing harm to Equestria or any of its residents in any way. I got anxious as time passed, probably to an unhealthy degree,

Twilight: No comment.

but within a few days, everypony would love the night just as much as they love the day! How could I not be excited?

Rarity: I guarantee the readers aren't.

I would finally shine in Equestria like the bright moon in the black sky!
Midnight rolled around after what seemed like an eternity of waiting. I had brought my book -

Author: "How to Woo Your Man in Nine Easy Steps".

and even the Elements of Harmony in case of emergency (sneaking them out of the castle was not easy, especially when your sister is trying to discuss the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration with you)

Author: You snuck them out WHILE your sister was talking to you? You got balls, girl. Well, metaphorical balls, anyway.

- to the top of the mountain that supported Canterlot;

Twilight: "Mountain, can I have a raise in my allowance?"

the location I would cast the spell. Celestia and I had created the Elements of Harmony shortly after we received our cutie marks as part of our "preparations". Our parents said they would guard us and purify any evil presence that threatened Equestria. They had never been used, but we both knew exactly what they did and how they worked.

Rarity: Um... Thank you for letting us know.

Each of the six gemstones held its own form of powerful magic; the sixth only existing in the presence of the other five. When all six Elements of Harmony are used, they purify any creature of any form of evil and they can disrupt any kind of magic.

Author: Sounds a little broken. The developers will need to nerf it in the next patch.

With the moon high in the night sky, I began the first spell. The spell required me to cast advanced spells at midnight,

Twilight: So... he spell requires casting a bunch of smaller spells?
Rarity: Wouldn't that just make it a ritual and not a spell?

sunrise, midday, and sunset; repeating the cycle until casting is complete. I would have to maintain casting average spells in the time between those. The whole thing would indefinitely be physically and mentally demanding (it taking days of dedicated magic work), which is why it has never been done before.

Author: Apparently it has, because no one would have written it in a book of TIPS and TRICKS otherwise. Great Celestia, this story is stupid...

If at any time I felt something would go wrong, I told myself that I would cast a cancel spell to stop the whole thing,

Author: Make sure you leave some mana open.

or use the Elements of Harmony as a last resort.
---
I strained myself in casting the next spell.

Twilight: "I had to go to the doctor and everything."

The sun would rise shortly, and I had to cast the next advanced spell before-hand. I closed my eyes, trying to find the energy that I needed.

Rarity: Try checking under your colon.

"I have to finish this spell; it will make all of Equestria happier! It will make me happier!" I cried to the sky, my eyes still tightly shut.

Twilight: And the sky responded, "Oh, cry me a river, you big baby."

The energy came to me,

Author: "Hey Luna, I brought some friends with me, hope you don't mind if we crash in your kitchen fr a bit. You got any booze?"

and I completed casting the spell. My energy seemed to have gone with it, but I was intent on continuing to cast the following spell until I passed.

Rarity: With an A+.

I didn't try to open my eyes; I didn't have the energy to waste.

Twilight: You didn't have the energy to open your eyes. You fail as a sentient being.

Besides, the only thing I would be missing is the sunrise; I've seen it many times before. I guessed the sun was just starting to slip over the mountains:

Author: Damn it, someone left a banana peel sitting on top of the mountains again!

the bright orb taking its place in the morning sky. I quickly brought my focus back to the spells.
Suddenly, I felt a small thud through the ground. Nothing big; probably nothing at all.
"It's nothing Luna. It's just your mind playing tricks on you." I said to myself.

Rarity: Don't you just hate it when your mind does that?

"Well I hope this is my mind playing tricks on me." I heard an all to familiar voice say. It sounded very... disappointed. It quickly dawned on me who it was.

Twilight: "Bloomberg! How long have you been watching?!"

"Sister!" I forced my eyes open, hoping for an illusion or something. It wasn't.
"Are you responsible for this, Luna?" Celestia said in her strict and to-the-point tone; a tone she hasn't used when talking to me... ever.

Rarity: Really? Never? You've never once been at odds with your sister?
Author: Here, Luna, have a name tag. You'll notice the name "Mary Sue" has been written on it.

"I am casting a rather simple spell, Tia. Nothing to be concerned about." I said nervously. I was on the edge of losing control of the spell. I needed my sister gone so I could concentrate.
"Nothing of my concern? I am really disappointed in you, Princess Luna." She only ever called me "Princess" when she was very serious,

Rarity: How would you know? You've never had Princess Celestia upset with you before.

and it soon dawned on me that something was wrong.

All: YOU THINK?!

The usual morning sky, usually complete with a multitude of warm colors and a shining sun, was as dark as night. The stars were sitting in the sky as they do only at night and the moon was still at its midnight height.

All: ... That's IT?!
Author: I was expecting something crazy! Or awesome! Or crazy awesome! I am disappoint!

"I never expected this from anypony; especially not my own sister." I was crushed when she said that, my focus on the spell dropped to a minimum.

Twilight: It dropped to about three percent power.

"It's not what it looks like, Tia! I promise!" I cried. I was probably a wreak; tired from casting the spells, my limbs weak from emotional and physical pain, my eyes on the verge of tearing up. I was to distracted to notice when Celestia telepathically grabbed the spell book.

Rarity: If you were too distracted to notice, then how were you able to tell us that she took it?

"You're casting the 'Eternal Night' spell, Princess Luna. It is exactly what it looks like: your trying to cause eternal night. We are meant to rule together, sister. We are equal; none more powerful than the other."
"What!? No! I'm casting the 'Ethereal Nigh-" I was cut off when Celestia held up the spell book to my face. "Eternal Night" replaced the words I had once read as "Ethereal Night". In shock, I skimmed the spell once more. To my slightest relief, the rest of the spell was the same as I understood it except I noticed a few bits I had skipped over before, like the whole "causes temporary night" part.

All: ... (Massive face palms galore.)
Twilight: She was exiled to the moon because she MISREAD THE BOOK?!
Author: No way. There is no possible way that a deity thousands of years old could POSSIBLY be so idiotic as to not read a spell correctly!
Rarity: If the spell was so complex and required such strict attention, it'd be impossible for her to miss anything!
Twilight: I... I can't take this. The story, it's...
Author: It's okay, Twilight, I think it's almost over.

"But I'm not go-"
"Be quiet, Luna. You're trying to cover the land in darkness and devastate the lives of all who live here in Equestria. For that I am very, very displeased. You know there is only one thing I can do."

Rarity: Let her off with a stern warning?
Twilight: Put her in the time out chair?
Author: Actually listen to your sister for a moment instead of treating her like some child?

She telepathically grabbed the Elements of Harmony.
I snapped.

Author: West Side Story, My Little Pony version.

Tears poured from my eyes; my muscles melted as I fell to the ground; the spell slowly breaking free of my weakening control. I started pleading out to her not to do it, but she wouldn't listen.
"I'm sorry, Luna. But I cannot allow you to be like this."

Author: "There is only one place for Rebecca Black fans like you."

Princess Celestia, my own sister, then used the Elements on me. I cried out; loosing all my focus to the beam of rainbows that was quickly advancing on me. We never knew what the Elements' spell felt like, nor what it looked like, but I was wholly against being the first to find out.

Twilight: I know I'm supposed to feel sorry for Luna, but she's been acting like a complete moron throughout the story. I'll be glad to see her blasted to the moon.

Everything that happened in the following seconds felt like they were in slow motion. Princess Celestia bagged the spell book as she watched the rainbow beam of magic with a saddened face. The spell - which I had just lost control of - scattered throughout the air in violet strands. These strands bounced around aimlessly in the air. The rainbow beam collided with a collection of violet strands right before hitting me.

Twilight: "We will continue to discuss the impact of magical friendship particles on scattering spell molecules in our next class."

The collision created an explosion to which I tightly closed my eyes. It felt like I was going to be blown off the mountain. I felt the air rush past me, first away from the explosion, but then the air switched directions and rushed toward the explosion.

Rarity: That air is so brave!

It happened so fast that when I opened my eyes, I was looking at grey dust and a distant Equestria.

Author: And that's how Equestria was made!

I quickly gathered myself to explain what happened. I knew my spell wouldn't dissipate when I stopped casting the spell; it was more advanced than any other spell.

Twilight: Glad to see you're modest as always.

When the Elements' magic collided with the uncontrolled magic, a new spell must have been created and sent me to the moon. I knew this because I love to study magic.

Rarity: We'd never had guessed.
Author: That line was absolutely vital to the story.
Twilight: It's nice to know that you love magic enough to not even know the real name to the spells you're casting.

Princess Celestia, on the other hand, would no doubt report it differently. Knowing her for as long as I have, she would say that I was a monster; a princess who went rouge and tried to create eternal night

All: That's because you did, moron!

(she never did read the spell, just the title; but she'd burn the spell soon to prevent a repeat, so I would have no argument).

Author: You don't have an argument anyway, you misread the spell!

When news would break out to the public, I would be named a monster like Nightmare Moon. Celestia would say something like that she had banished me.
Fresh tears fell from my eyes at the thought. I hated the thought of being named a monster; being named "Nightmare Moon".
"I didn't mean to, Tia!" I cried out. "I never meant to hurt anypony.

Twilight: "WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU'RE UP ON THE MOON!"

"I only wanted to be loved."

Author: Oh my, I'm so touched. Let's get the hell out of here...

---

Twilight: So, did any of that actually happen?
Rarity: I highly doubt it.
Author: Sounds more like some whiny fan took the concept of trollestia a little too close to heart. Either that, or they were hellbent on making Luna seem as idiotic as possible.
Rarity: Still bothered by the misread spell, dearie?
Author: C'mon, it must bother you two as well.
Twilight and Rarity: ...
Author: I thought so.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Don't you guys know how to suspend your disbelief? Sure there were a few areas where the writer was off...
Twilight: Like the pony war?
Author: And Celestia's characterization?
Rarity: And Luna's stupidity?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) ... Okay, never mind, this story blows.
Pinkie Pie: This story was so mopy! Mope, mope, mope! "Look at me, I'm Luna, feel sorry for me!"
Twilight: Especially since this Luna didn't deserve any of our pity.
Author: Let's get back to the gore and shipping. At least the plot holes aren't nearly as bad there...
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Rainbow Dash! The button!
(Rainbow hits the buton, and the TV shuts off with a blip.)

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