Alright, let's see what today is... Tuesday, okay. Nothing special about today. Though I can't help but feel as though I'm forgetting something... CRAP! TWO-STAR TUESDAY! AND I'VE GOT NOTHING READY! I've got to find a short story from the two star list on Equestria Daily, but I doubt any story on the site wold be short! Wait a minute... What about this one?
Yes, bronies, today I present one of the shortest non-trollfics (I think) that I've ever seen, with the unriffed story being barely a page and a half. You could read the entire thing in less than five minutes. Supposedly it's grim-dark, but it's so insanely rushed you can't really get anything out of it, and there's no emotional connections developed. Really, it's a quick story that has more plot-holes in it than swiss-cheese. Read the original here. Enjoy!

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Author: Okay, so...
(Door swing shut and lock.)
Rarity: Well, what a surprise-
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) QUICK! NO TIME!
Twilight: Um... Pinkie, what are you doing?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) We're setting the pace for the story by going super fast and not letting anything develop!
Twilight: Oh, oka-
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) It's called New Tricks! It's quick and gory, now go!
Author: Hold on-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got story sign!

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Gilda stepped out from behind the cloud.

Rarity: Stepped out?
Twilight: What, was there a platform floating in midair?

She had been lurking there for nearly four hours, and every moment of it had been agony.

Author: I've only read two sentences, and I'd say I'm suffering more than she is.

She could see the procession in it’s entirety from her vantage position; she could see all of Rainbow Dash,

Rarity: I'll refrain from commenting on that statement...

and her smug friend, Pinkie. The Best Young Flyers competition had gone on much longer than she had intended it too,

Author: Little did Rainbow Dash know, Gilda was a major sponsor of the competition and had major control over the length of the event.

and Rainbow Dash had been the very last to compete. Along with another pony she vaguely recognised.

Twilight: Derpy?
Rarity: Leeroy Wingkins?
Author: Dr. Whooves?

One Rarity. Her show had been a shambles, and every crash her traitorous friend suffered made Gilda feel warmer about what she planned to do. Suddenly, the pale unicorn with the fake wings flew higher and higher, and Gilda tensed.

Twilight: Did she switch to past or present?

Their routine was about to end, and hers was about to begin.

Rarity: Gilda knew her tap dance of doom was sure to win first place!

The thin gossamer that constituted the cheap imitations that Rarity wore shone for a few seconds,

Author: The wings were made of fabric?
Rarity: Is that really what gossamer means?
Author: Well... Alternatively, her wings could be made of spider silk. The writer could've been alluding to the gossamer-winged butterflies, but I have a feeling that the writer was going for a more literal description.
Twilight: Maybe her wings are made out of butterflies?
Author: Whoa. Butterception.

before burning to thin air behind the pony’s back. She hurtled towards the air, screaming absolute terror into the Colosseum as she passed it on her way to the ground.

Author: Have a nice trip! See you next "fall"! (Punched in the face by Twilight.)

She watched as the Wonderbolts, then Rainbow Dash sped down after her. She inched ever closer to the edge of the cloud she perched on, and prepared her fatal talons, as she had trained herself.

Twilight: She practiced perching menacingly for WEEKS.

The foolish white pony had ruined the Wonderbolt’s attempt to save her, and doomed them to the same fate as her.

Author: As I recall, a certain pony managed to smack all the Wonderbolts unconscious.
Rarity: Hey! I was panicking at the time!

Only Rainbow Dash remained. She leapt, her chance finally having come, and chased the Rainbow vapour trail that had been left.

Rarity: Wait, Rainbow leapt or Gilda leapt?

Rainbow Dash had always been slightly faster than her, but the grim obsession she had been consumed by

Twilight: And subsequently vomited up by.

this last year forced her to accelerate. She passed the spectators watching in morbid interest.

Author: And the readers who were watching with intense boredom.

Soon she had reached a speed almost equal to Rainbow Dash’s, and redirected her own course to collide with the free fallers.

Twilight: I don't know why, since she wasn't actually going fast enough to intercept Rainbow at an angle.

A bang came from below her, she recognised the sound.

Author: A SOUND? You recognize the sonic rainboom from just the SOUND? How about giving us some description on being able to actually SEE the thing?

Years ago, she had helped Rainbow to pull off the sonic rainboom. Now she used it to mock her.

Rarity: For Celestia's sake... Was it Gilda or Dash that used it to mock the other?

She wouldn’t let this happen, not this last humiliation. Readjusting her self to align with the slipstream, she found no air resistance. She could catch them now.

Author: Make sure to lower their HP first.

She followed them further towards the hard ground of Equestria, and when she saw Rarity caught by the technicolour blur, she darted right.

Rarity: GILDA darted right, DASH darted right, or RARITY darted right?!
Twilight: Hey, calm down...
Rarity: I can hardly stand it! These sentences, they're so... So... Vague!

Rainbow Dash had been utterly fixated on saving her friend, and hadn’t heard the vicious snarls of the griffon behind her. She didn’t see the brown feathers as she pulled up, narrowly avoiding the ground. She navigated upwards, dragging the four currently flightless ponies

Author: "Currently flightless"? What the hell does that mean?
Twilight: That they aren't flying?
Author: They're in the air!
Rarity: Perhaps it's because they can't fly?
Author: Three of them have the capacity to fly, therefore they aren't flightless!

towards Cloudsdale. She looked out the corner of her eye, and saw the merest glint of sunlight off of the bared razor claws of the grimly smiling creature, before an all consuming blackness shrouded her.

Author: Again, what the hell does that mean? Gilda is the last thing I'd describe as an all consuming blackness. And she "shrouded" Rainbow Dash? Was she carrying a sack or blanket or something?

When she woke,

Twilight: When did she ever fall unconscious?

she saw the bruised, bleeding figure of Gilda stood over her. The silhouette she cast

Rarity: Wasn't nearly as impressive as the the shadow puppetry she'd been doing earlier.

at first shrouded the bodies she had been carrying, but as her eyes adjusted to the light, they became all too apparent.

Rarity: WHAT BECAME TOO APPARENT? HER EYES? THE SILHOUETTE? THE BODIES?
Author: Um, Rarity?
Rarity: WHAT?!
Author: Maybe you should take it easy for the rest of the story... (Author backs away as Rarity's eye begins twitching.)

The crash had sent her childhood heroes flying from her hands, and they now lay at the foot of a great tree, along with her.

Twilight: They have wings, they should be fine.

Two of them had bones protruding from their mangled arms and legs, and the third’s head was now facing the wrong way; towards her.

Twilight: Or not.

The gnarled dumbfounded expression on the deformed pony’s face was a mixture of boredom, disbelief and a light sadness.

Author: Hey, sounds like the expressions of all the readers.

They looked strangely calm like this, though their situation told otherwise.

Author: The Situation is not the most trustworthy source of information.

It took her a moment to find Rarity, but a light drip from above confirmed her worst fear.

Twilight: That Rarity had won the competition after all?
Author: No, it was that Rarity really was a marshmallow.

She had been shot into the tree at subsonic speed, and had been torn to pieces.

Author: Hey Twilight, this reminds me of a puzzle...

The only thing visible to Rainbow Dash was the blood soaked remains of her once expertly manicured hoof.

Rarity: ... RAINBOW'S manicured hoof, or RARITY'S manicured hoof?!

The shock she was in denied her the option of crying,

Author: If she doesn't have the option of crying, can she call a friend or ask the audience?

and all she could do was scream her consuming hate and defiance feebly into the advancing shadow of Gilda.

Twilight: It was just her shadow. Gilda was actually at the beach getting a tan.

Gilda stepped forward.

Author: Isn't that what "advancing" means?

the crash had been spectacular, she knew she was lucky to have survived, but Rainbow Dash was still alive. She had one last part of her plan to fulfil before she could ever feel satisfied again.

Author: Story, don't you DARE go into clop-fic territory!

Each one of her powerful limbs ached, but she fought through it, eventually reaching the gurgling mass of broken bones and ruptured organs that was now Rainbow Dash.

Twilight: I thought Spike was the new Rainbow Dash?

She could see that soon, she would go on her own, without any help from Gilda, but this was revenge.

Rarity: Please... I beg you... Use something more specific then the word she...

And what greater way to take revenge, than personally? Face to face. She leaned down to the furious Rainbow Dash and opened her mouth.

Author: Which Dash promptly spat into.
Twilight: No, Griffin is going to regurgitate food into Rainbow's mouth like a mother bird.

‘You shouldn’t have laughed at me, Rainbow Dash’

All: ...
Twilight: The only quote in the entire story, and the writer doesn't even use the right kind of quotation marks.
Author: All my respect has diminished completely. Not that that's saying much.

She let the emphasis fall on the Dash,

Author: Killing her from the immense weight.

and left her words to sit with her former friend.

Twilight: Then, just to be a jerk to the words, pulled its chair out from under it.

She gave herself a few moments to enjoy the sense of victory, then took a deep breath. She reached down to the violently quaking body of Rainbow, and placed her claws over her mouth and nose.

Author: ... That's how Gilda kills her? Through suffocation? ... Why am I not impressed?

The pony struggled incredibly, using absolute willpower to raise her arms to save herself, but she was too weak. She fought and fought for an eternity,

Twilight: You'd think if Rainbow could survive without air for an eternity, Gilda would have just up and left by then.

gradually getting slower and less aggressive in her attacks on the writs of the griffon, before stopping still, and slumping against the tree. Gilda held her position around the pony for another minute, partly to make sure, partly to celebrate her superiority.

Author: Griffons ARE the master race, after all.

Her jumbled thoughts, and the ever increasing pain from her injuries didn’t allow her much perspective on what she had done, but she had gotten what she wanted.

Twilight: A spot in a fanfiction?
Author: C'mon, Gilda, you don't have to sink this low!

She felt free of Rainbow Dash. She screamed up towards the cloud city, using all of the remaining air in her lungs. The sound of winged guards flying down towards the tree forced her to reach around the limp blue corpse, dragging it into the sky behind her.

Author: Congrats, Gilda, you're the first creature to ever drag something through AIR.

She carried the body off into the serene day, leaving the desecrated tree to watch over the remaining four ponies.

Rarity: The tree wasn't desecrated! Celestia almighty, I need a strong drink!

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Author: I liked it. Granted, it was painful, but at least it was quick.
Twilight: At least we can take a breather. What did you think of the story, Rarity?
Rarity: What did I think? What did I THINK? I've bee waiting all story rant, and I'll start by saying that this atrocious piece of writing can go fu-
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Quick Dash! Press the button!
Rarity: But I haven't gotten a chance to-
(Dash quickly presses button, and TV turns off with a blip.)

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