Hey bronies, really quick one today to tide you over while I work on a bigger MPPT. So... What do I think about this one?
Here's a note from the author;
Oh god, guys. I can't believe that I wrote this. Sorry, I needed to get back at Jellote, and it was on a deadline for Friday. I had just drank some Nyquil before writing this and made it on the dvA text editor, so there was no spellcheck. ~ Kphoria.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
But seriously, trollfic is troll. At least the guy apologized. Even so, despite the lack of description, this isn't for my queasy readers. Enjoy!

Author: (Glances at clock on wall. Taps fingers. Let's out a sigh.) This is perhaps the most boring day in the history of boring days. It's so boring I can call the Guinness Book of World Records. It's so boring I'm talking to myself. It's so boring that... Hell, I'd do an MPPT! (Looks expectantly at the TV monitor.) Bah. The one time I want Pinkie to hold me against my will in a room with bad stories...
Spike: What's got you so down?
Author: Well, if it isn't Spike! I just wanted to tell you, I love your show! Mystery Magic Theater 3000 is one of my favorites!
Spike: Heh. It's always nice to meet a fan. I guess I am pretty awesome!
Author: Anyway, I'm so down because I'm so bored! Hell, I even said I'd... Wait a second... (Looks at Spike.) If you don't mind, I was just wondering... Any chance you'd like to do an MPPT together? I mean, we kind of do the same thing.
Spike: I dunno... I'm a little out of your league, you know?
Author: What?! I'll have you know, I've riffed the likes of Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory!
Spike: ... And?
Author: And... Um... Well, that was the part where you were supposed to be impressed.
Spike: Look author, tell you what. I've got this one story that we decided not to do because it wasn't bad enough compared to what we usually riff. How about we riff that?
Author: Sounds like a plan. I mean, you rejected it for not being bad enough. How terrible can it be?

---

Ten pounds of fetus and mouth wash

Author: ... Forget it. I'm stopping. It's not like I'm being held here against my will, so NO! I'm not putting myself through this!
Spike: Huh... Pansy.
Author: ... It. Is. ON!

by keith "kphoria" howard

Spike: That's not a grammar error. His name really isn't capitalized.

author's note: i dint care if you like the stori or not i am writting this for my own pleasure. if you are offended by unbirth than do not read this story.

Author: I'm not offended by unbirth. I'm just offended by this story.

oh yeah and if you dunt like vore then get out of here you trolls. that goes double for you jellote

Author: Oh, uh, the truth comes out! I am jellote! Guess I'm going to have to leave...
Spike: Huh... Pansy.
Author: ... It. Is. ON!
Spike: Wasn't it already on?
Author: ... Shut up.

author's note:

Spike: There's two author's notes?

jellote is a troll some someting awfle who had convicted everyone

Author: jellote, ace prosecutor.

im a pedifile but im not okay.

Spike: We already knew that.

he also steals my storys and makes them my little pony themed WELL I TRICKED YOU THIS TIME I MADE MY OWN MY LITTLE PONY STORY SO ha ha.

Spike: Wow. Good job, ace. You really got him there.
Author: He reminds me of Dakarai-King Mykan.

appleblume:

Author: I don't know any character by that name.
Spike: Maybe he or she's a relative of Daisy?

My naqme is Appleblume and I live in Ponyville which is town in Equestiria.

Author: Oh yeah, Equestiria. Isn't that the magical land where all the misspelled words go to live?

My older sister Apple Jack and Bic Mac (which is short for Big Machintoss)

Author: First Sweetie Bot, now Big Machintoss.

and I live on Sweat Apple Acers at the far side of town. i have a yellow coat and red hair. i am not related to that idiot brayburn who hates buffalo becase hes a racist.

Spike: Um... Actually, you are.

I am the leader of the Cutty mark Crusables.

Author: ... I will pay, PAY I say, to see a story written about the Cutty mark Crusables.

in the club is appleblume, Sweaty Bell and and Scutealoo.

Spike: Sweaty Bell? I've gotta right that down...
Author: Those sound like names you'd give them after a romp through a patch of poison joke.

We dont have our Cutey Marks yet because we are the best so we take our time to find our special tlent.

Author: Yeah. You find that tent.

I have one small confessional though, i am into unbirth. in case you dont know that means i like to have people put up my youknowwhere

Author: Your ear?
Spike: Your left nostril?

and be prenant with them you might think im gross BUT IM NOT.

Author: "Just because some ponies are gross like that doesn't mean they all are. I'm not! (pause) I'M NOT!"

If you don't like it you either havent seen it or you are a troll who wont admit to liking it so shut up.

Spike: Oh no. You've found me out.

Applejack

my name is applejack and i am fifteen years old. i live on seet apple acers

Author: Seet Apple Acers? That wouldn't happen to be-
Spike: Stop. If we keep criticizing the way this writer screws up the spelling of everything, we'll be reading this for months!

with my sisters but i usually just hang out with my girlfriend rainbowdash. author's note: IF U DO NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF GIRL/GIRL THAN YOUR A HOMOPHONE

Spike: I'm a word that sounds like another word?

AND GET DA FLAM OUT

Author: How the hell do I flam?

so after i gots done frenching rainbowdash (i felt her tounge on mine and it gave me a wingy)

Both: SHE DOESN'T HAVE WINGS!
Author: I can't take this... I'm going to have a mental break down... The stupidity level is off the charts...
Spike: C'mon, author, just hang in there. You've been in tighter spots than this, right?
Author: ITS FUCKING NAME IS TEN POUNDS OF FETUS AND MOUTHWASH! I DON'T THINK I CAN SINK ANY LOWER!
Spike: Meh. I've read worse. You should've seen the riff I had to do with the story "Twenty pounds of semen and Four Loko".
Author: Okay, that does sound worse, actually.

i went back to the farm house to check up on the cutty mark crusaders which my sister is part of.

"hi bishie" i sead to her. "hi looser" she said back.

Spike: So Applejack is calling Apple Bloom a yaoi fan, and Apple Bloom is calling Applejack a description for a rope that is begin un-tightened.

i gave her my middle finger

Author: The blood! It's everywhere!

with my hoof which was easy since i only have one finger anyway.

Spike: You'd think Ponyville would be a much nastier place, since everypony is constantly giving each other the middle finger.

i went back to my room and drank some mouthwash then i felt drunk so i'm going to take a nap

Author: Mouthwash? Whoa, there, Applejack, don't get too crazy!
Spike: Barkeep, better cut her off!

Applebloom

"hay guys"

Author: Dear Celestia, I'm going to be wondering for the rest of the day if that was intentional...

i said to scutealoo, my the sister of my sister's girlfreind,

Spike: She's not her sister.

"do you know what unbirth is" and she said no so i said "its when someon gives birth backwards so instead of the filly coming out she goes in".

"wow" sweaty bell said, "that sounds so sexr" "yeah i said" doesnt it?

Author: WHO IS TALKING AND WHERE IS THE GRAMMAR.

so then i showed them how it worked by using scotaloo as a test subject. she didnt struggle because she was my friend and I let her out of my you-know before she unaged more than a week.

Spike: ... I just read that last sentence, and I'm not quite sure what happened.
Author: That's probably for the best.

"wow, i felt so cool. it was like i was getting younger" she said and i nodded. "ya, because you were. When you are unbirthed it makes you grow backwards." I know that i would proabably get in trouble for cheating on my sisters girlfriend sister but i didnt care because we were friends and if two siblings want to marry two other siblings then that is okay OKAY GET IT?

Author: No! Because I don't know what the HELL you're talking about!
Spike: Author, are you okay? You're starting to foam at the mouth.
Author: *GARBLESNARGLEBURGLE*
Spike: Alright, as long as you're okay.

and then i got idea. "hey what if we tried this with an oldered pony" and then they said ya.

Author: They're pirates!

so we went into town to find a person who would voluntere but no one would so we went home. "aw man," i said, "now what are we gong to do?"

Spike: No volunteers? Shocking.
Author: I'd love to see that scene. "Excuse me, sir? Would you like to be unbirthed?"
Spike: I guess the only thing to do is MAKE some pony volunteer.

and then i had an idea. "hay wait a minute, what if we did it to applejack?" and they agreed. so we went.

Author: And put an unnecessary period there.

up to her room where she was sleeping.

so i took her and picked her up and grabbed her and then she woke up. "wut?" applejack said but it was too late.

Author: She'd turned into a pear with a face.

i opened my bottom lips wide and began stuffing her up the birthhole and in she went.

Spike: This is making me hungry.

it was like vore except not so shut up jellote and stop flaming.

Author: You haven't even finished the story! He hasn't even had a chance to flame!

"wow" said sweetie belle "how did you do that?" and i said "big macintosh told me how to do it. he was all alone one night in appleloosa when he met a cute mare and they did it for the first time but he went too deep and ended up all the way in her womb and he was younger after."

Spike: Nope, didn't understand that sentence either.

"applebloom" my sitter yelled, "what do you think yall doing" and i said "im unbirthing you" and she asked why. "because we need to know if it is our special talent" and she was like "no" but i ignored her and went to sleep.

Author: Your special talent is sleeping through incredibly awkward situations.

the next morning when I woke up my pregnant belly was smaller and sweetybelle was still there but scootaloo was gone. "what do we do know?" and i began thinking.

Both: ABOUT TIME!

i looked to shelf and thinked. "hey i know, we can use that mouthwash to makes things more fun"

Spike: How? Wash out the bad taste that I've gotten in my mouth from reading this?

so sweetie belle took the bottle and put it between my legs and poured. I could feel applejack wiggle around like a tiny filly. At this point she was the same size as me, probably only five years old, but i wanted more.

Author: You want more... by making her younger?
Spike: jellote, if you're reading this, I have a question; of all the writers to steal stories from, WHY would you ever take this guy's?
Author: It's like stealing someone else's shit from an outhouse!

so after the bottle was empty i began shaking aroudn my flab and poked AJ and asked her how she was doing. "im fine, sister, and thank you for this. i feel so fresh."

Author: I suppose that mouthwash helps make things minty fresh.
Spike: Shut up.

so i agreed to let her stay in there for a bit longer but i felt edgy. i probably couldnt fit sweetie belle in there at the same time so i couldnt get my PLEASURE (are you gonna make fu nof the cotton cow?)

Author: I'm scared. What's a cotton cow, and does it know where I live?

and I began tickling my beav because it felt ticklish. it began to whistle I was so excited.

Spike: That... uh... beaver is a pretty good whistler.
Author: The two front teeth really help.

it was two hours later that sweetie belle went home and i decided to let applejack out. i sepereated my lips as far as they could go but it wasnt enough so she kind of bled out.

Spike: Don't you hate it when that happens?

she was coated in mouthwash wish made her all slimy, kind of like a lubricant. so i shook my legs around until she fell out.

Author: That is the most beautiful mental image I've ever had. Period.

she was just a little filly without her cutty mark and more. she was coated in blue liquid form the mouthwash but after a minute i realized that this was now her fur color. then i looked to my flank and saw it: i had my cutty mark!

Author: A pair of scissors, am I right? (Spike slaps him.)

it was pair of flesh lips! oh my celestia this is the best day ever.

"are you my mommy" said applejack, looking at me.

"yes," I said, lookign at her, "and we are going to go find your older brother." and then I decided that Applejack is going to need an older sister, and big mac isnt going to like this if hes old enough to remember.

Author: Just what I needed to wrap up the story, a last minute mention of how Apple Bloom is going to both unbirth Big Macintosh and perform a gender change on him. Oh goodie.
Spike: So, that wasn't that bad, was it?
Author: ... I am never riffing with you again.
Spike: What? Why?
Author: I don't think my poor heart can take it... The stories you riff are just STUPID. I mean, what happened?! Why does unbirthing exist?!
Spike: It could've been worse.
Author: HOW!?
Spike: The author could've been sincere when he wrote this, instead of just trolling.
Author: ... Point. Hey Rainbow Dash, could you... Oh yeah, no one else is here. I guess I'll, um... Press the imaginary button?
Spike: Knock yourself out.
(Author pushes a button he wrote into existence. Nothing really happens, which sucks, because now there isn't a smooth transition out of the story. Instead it's going to just abruptly end. Right... wait for it... now.)

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