Let me tell all you bronies a little story. Once upon a time, when Equestria Daily was still young, and Sethisto was by his lonesome, Equestria Daily was far more lenient on its fan fiction submissions. I mean, this was WAY back when it first started, with the site being barely a month old when this story was submitted! As such, Sethisto was the only pre-reader for the site. May the internet shower blessing upon that man for all the crap he probably had to read. As such, today's Two-Star Tuesday piece was one of those pieces that managed to fall through the cracks. This story feels completely... frivolous. It's hard to describe, but I feel as though so little was accomplished with this story that I can't help but wonder why it was written at all. Hikuro, in the story's description, actually says that the story was more of an excuse to use his picture of Twilight in a safari hat. Besides that, the story is way too fast paced and the situations feel very contrived. I'll paraphrase a commenter from Equestria Daily when I say that it's as though the the writer had a few ideas about how it would end, but he wasn't sure how to get there. If you want to read without the riffing, go here. Otherwise, enjoy!

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Author: Idea. How about-
Rarity: Stop. You're always coming up with silly ideas for stories.
Twilight: Yeah, it's kind of getting boring.
Author: What?! I'm THE author! I'm a creative mastermind! I'm so creative, I'm like... uh... help me out here...
Rarity: Like something that's not creative, I'd say.
Author: Look, I swear I have a good idea this time!
Twilight: Fine. Let's here it.
Rarity: Who knows, maybe this is the time you'll actually come up with something good.
Author: Okay, so a dragon decides to eat Fluttershy, and the entire story takes place from inside the dragon's-
Rarity: Stop.
Author: What?
Rarity: You know what I just said before? I was wrong.
(Doors swing shut and lock.)
Rarity: You realize we wouldn't keep getting into this mess if you'd stop inviting us over to hear you ridiculous story ideas?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) But then me and Rainbow wouldn't get to have any fun!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) If you wanted, we could give you a copy of one of author's rough rafts to read instead.
Twilight and Rarity: NO!
Author: Oh, screw all of you...
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) See we're being nice!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Tell them the prank, Dash!"
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Listen up! Today's a grim-dark story called "Expedition to the Everfree Forest", and it's pace is even faster than my flying!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) And guess which pony goes crazy in it? C'mon, GUESS!
Twilight: Great... Another story about me. Will wonders never cease?
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got story sign!

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The Expedition to Everfree Forest

Author: Tonight on the Discovery Channel...

By: Hikuro

It was the morning after the ponies first discovered "poison joke," and Twilight was exhausted. As she slowly crawled out of bed to get ready for the day, she peeked a glance at the clock. "OH MY GOSH!! ITS 10:30?!!"

Twilight: "That means I'm late for... Um... Writing friendship letters?"

Twilight screamed as she never slept-in a day of her life. She had good reason to sleep in though.

Author: Someone slipped her sleeping pills?

Pinkie Pie was so happy to be able to talk after the ponies swim in the liquid cure yesterday, she threw a party for Zecora,

Rarity: Nothing like a good old fashioned "Thanks For Fixing Our Stupid Mistakes" party.

so other ponies could get to know her and so Ponyville would befriend her as one of their own.

All this yelling caused spike to turn over in his bed and groan. "wuzza matter twilight?" he asked as he let out a yawn.

Twilight: "What's the matter? You didn't capitalize the start of the sentence OR the proper noun you used! THAT'S what's the matter!"

Twilight was brushing her hair in the mirror as spike approached. "I realized something last night as I was getting ready for bed. Poison joke is just ONE of the MANY plants that exist in the Everfree Forest. It made me wonder what potential the other plants in the forest have. If one plant has a bad effect, maybe one of the plants might have a good effect."

All: ...
Author: Wow. What a BRILLIANT deduction. I wonder what ideas this genius will come up with next!
Rarity: And I thought that Zecora used plants from the forest only because they had negative effects!
Twilight: What's next? Will I find out that plants can grow in the ground?

She had walked over to the window and opened it to let the sunshine in.

Author: "Hey Twilight, hope you don't mind if I come in for a sec."

"Long story short, I'm going on an expedition into the Everfree Forest to inspect the wildlife." Spike’s eyes opened in shock upon hearing this. "But Twilight, the forest is dangerous! Did you forget our encounter with the Ursa Minor from the forest?

Rarity: Actually, she was in the town square at the time, so poor example.

Not to mention that scary manticore that looked like it was gonna eat all of us-" "I know the forest is dangerous, Spike, but think of all the good that might come from my expedition."

Twilight: "Like something to base a story off of."
Rarity: She said something GOOD may come from the expedition, dear.

Twilight said with confidence in her eyes. "But Twili-" "No buts, Spike!" Twilight interrupted abruptly.

Author: "And no new paragraphs when there's a new speaker either!"

"I’m going to the forest and that’s final!"

Having her bags ready, he trotted out of the house and started walking down the trail.

Rarity: Twilight! All this time and I never knew you were-
Twilight: Stop. The writer forgot the "s". Don't complete that sentence.

She didn't even get a few paces out, when suddenly Spike yelled, "Twilight!!" Twilight stopped dead in her tracks

Author: Police were baffled yesterday when they found a young unicorn dead in her tracks.

and sighed. "Yes, Spike?" she asked frustratedly. "Please be careful....for the sake of me and all your friends in Ponyville." "I will, Spike." she said calmly. "I promise." Her expedition had begun.

Twilight: The "I promise" made it official.
Author: Let's get a betting pool going. Who thinks that there's no way she's going to keep that promise?

As she approached the entrance to the forest, her mind was filled with all of the horrible memories that were tied to this awful place.

Author: You mean the single awful memory with Nightmare Moon?

Just before she passed the first tree, she stopped and let out one last -GULP- as the confidently trotter her way into the forest.

Rarity: Yes, that gulp really shows how confident she is...

The first plant she noticed was a pretty looking orange flower with what seemed to be yellow spots on it. It was the only flower in the whole lot of poison joke flowers, and possibly the only flower in the entire forest as she could tell.

Twilight: Except for, you know, ALL THE POISON JOKES.

She carefully managed to clear a path through the poison joke and finally reached the flower. The spots were a lot more noticeable on the flower up close, and it stood taller than the surrounding poison joke. As she was staring at the flower up close with a magnifying glass, the flower shot a cloud of pollen into Twilights face.

Author: THE MAGNIFYING GLASS! IT DOES NOTHING!

At first Twilight freaked out at this, remembering the consequences of the poison joke, but as she began to calm down, she noticed the gas was causing no damage.

Author: Her HP was fine, but she should probably check her status bar.

Her face wasn't burning and her eyes weren't boiling out of her head. Once Twilight had calmed down, she uprooted the flower out of the ground, using her magic and a simple gardening trowel.

Rarity: "The Expedition to the Everfree Forest"! Watch as ponies dig up plants and get sprayed by pollen!
Twilight: Riveting.

She was beginning to head out of the forest to go investigate the flower at her house, but suddenly she felt strange.

Author: As though hundreds of people were watching her every move...

This is when the panic started to kick in, causing Twilight to become very nervous.

Twilight: Panic does tend to make one nervous.

She began to shake and sweat, as any other nervous pony would begin to do. As she looked around the forest, the scenery started to change.

Author: Oh no! The writer's drunk and changing the description!
Rarity: Not again!

The trees began to grow scary faces, which began to growl in anger at her with their sharp teeth.

Author: They're all bark and no bite. (Twilight and Rarity groan.)

A cute little bunny hopped up to Twilight, who was now beginning to shake and whine as sweat began to pour out of her.

Rarity: The bunny was, or Twilight was?

Twilight stared at the bunny, and screamed in terror! The bunny's eye were blood red

Author: A bunny that's been snorting cocaine. Scary.

and its face had giant bleeding cut marks on it, blood pouring from each one. The sheer terror of the hallucinations caused Twilight to black out.

It was later in the evening and Spike was worried about Twilight. Celestia was about to set the sun and prepare for Luna to bring up the moon. Suddenly a huge WOOSH of air passed his head. This woke Spike from his trance and he looked into the sky. The woosh that startled him was none other than Rainbow Dash, who was doing a little evening practice. Dash noticed Spike and slowly flew over to him. "Whats wrong, Spike?" Almost sounding like Flutter Shy.

Rarity: "Slowly"? Like "Fluttershy"? Well, it's seems Rainbow Dash's understudy will be performing this role today.

"Twilight went out on an expedition to Everfrre Forest this afternoon and she's still not back yet. I'm really worried something’s happened to her." Hearing this, Dash was shocked and stood up straight.

Rarity: That's it! Lyra must be Rainbow's understudy!

"Well then what are you waiting for?" Dash yelled confidently,

Twilight: Everypony's so confident in this story.

"We gotta go to the forest and look for her!" She grabbed little Spike and threw him onto her back and, in a flash, sped down the trail that led to the forest.

Author: "All units, we've got a blue Flash speeding along the trail near the Ever-free forest. Request back-up."

"TWILIIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTT!!" Spike yelled at they entered the forest.

Twilight: "Hey, keep it down! There's animals trying to sleep in here!"

Rainbow Dash had flown up high to get a birds-eye view of the forest, hoping to spot Twilight among the trees.

Author: (singing) Twi, Twi, Twi of the jungle, strong as she can be!

As they went around their third round trip, Dash finally noticed a small purple dot next to a huge tree and dove straight down to it. Spike, barely able to hang on, was hopeful that Dash had found Twilight.

Rarity: And I believe I've found the perfect spot to take a break.
Twilight: Here here!

---

Author: Well Twilight, once again you've managed to screw everything up.
Twilight: I'm sorry. What WAS I thinking?
Rarity: You'd think that you'd try to find out more about the forest before wandering through it. If you know there's one dangerous flower like the poison joke, there's bound to be more.
Twilight: If I was actually smart, I'd have visited Zecora and asked her for her knowledge on all the plant and animal life before setting out on an expedition.
Author: Nah! That's way too sensible! No way is that in character.
Twilight: Ha, ha, ha, ha- Shut up!
Rarity: I doubt she'd actually make it. Zecora's house is a FAR greater distance to walk than that little meadow of flowers.
Twilight: You know what? You two can just shut the fu-
(Buzzer sounds.)
Rarity and Author: We've got story sign!
Twilight: - up.

---

Shortly after landing, Spike asked the most obvious question ever,

Author: "Can you believe it's not butter?"

"Did you find Twilight, Rainbow Dash?"

Rarity: "No, just a small purple dot."

Dash did not show an expression of happiness and her eyes widened.

Twilight: So... she looked sad? Just say that then!

"I found her..." The bright look on Spikes face quickly turned into a shocked one when he laid eyes on what looked to be Twilight.

Author: It was, in all actuality, a changeling.
Rarity: One in every story!

Twilight was badly injured, her body covered in long cuts and large scrapes, all of which were still fresh and still bleeding.

Twilight: I guess that crazy bunny wasn't a hallucination after all.
Author: It had LONG POINTY TEETH!

The most noticeable feature was the many yellow spots that covered her body, all the same size and color on her purple exterior. "We have to bring her to Zecoras place!!" Rainbow Dash yelled before grabbing Twilight by the back of the neck, dragging

Rarity: I can just imagine all the funny thumping noises from Twilight's head hitting all the rocks and roots.

her tattered, bloodied, and horrific looking corpse toward Zecoras house, which was luckily close by.

Author: "She's a necromancer! I think she can help!"

Zecora, who seemed at peace mixing her newest brew in the timely black cauldron,

Twilight: Black cauldrons are always in style.

was quite surprised when Rainbow Dash burst through the door in a rush. "Zecora, please help Twilight!!" she yelled loudly as she crashed into a shelf of books on the other wall of the house.

Rarity: I think she was smoking poison joke again.

Zecora approached Twilight quickly, but suddenly stopped and shrieked in terror when she noticed the spots on Twilight's body. "These spots are the mark of the accursed 'Sunset Ivy' and are one of the worst poisons any living creature can receive!" she said with a shocked and sad look on her face.

Twilight: "I probably should have warned you about that instead of the poison joke."
Rarity: "Maybe then Twilight wouldn't have gone and croaked."

Dash and Spike looked in sheer terror as Zecora went to a locked chest, which she opened with a key found underneath it. Out of the chest she pulled a huge scimitar and approached Twilight with it in her mouth.

Twilight: Why's it locked? Is the scimitar for only special occasions?

"The only cure for this disease is DEATH!!" she yelled as she attemped to swing the scimitar at Twilight.

Author: (Laughing) I... Heh... I think that's the cure for any disease!
Twilight: What, no rhyme? Well, she does have something in her mouth, I suppose.
Author: So I guess the sentence came out more like, "Re onry coor fow da dizease ith def."
Rarity: Isn't she already dead? Rainbow Dash was dragging a "corpse".

Luckily, Rainbow Dash had WHOOSHED in and tackled Zecora,

Twilight: "Wooshed" is our newly invented word for the day.

which caused her to fly back along with the scimitar. The moment seemed too quick, and when Rainbow Dash came to her senses, her eyes opened as wide as they have ever opened. Tears flooded her eyes as she saw the scimitar embedded in Zecoras chest.

Rarity: "Quick! What's the cure for sword-in-chest-itis?!

Zecora, who was breathing her last few breaths, said her last quiet words. "You have to kill her, or she will...."

Author: "Go on to write poor clop."

Her eyes closed and her head falls down. She was gone, lifeless as she fell over on her side, blood flowing in a stream across the floor.

Before Rainbow Dash could realize what she had done, Spike suddenly yelled, "LOOK OUT RAINBOW DASH!!" as Twilight tackled her and took a huge bite out of Dashs back.

Twilight: "Taste's like cupcakes."
Author: She just tasted the rainbow.
Rarity: I'm just going to shake my head in horrible disbelief that I'm stuck listening to you two...

Dash yelled out in pain and flew forward, causing Twilight to fall off of her. Twilight groaned and yelled, for she was no long Twilight, but a mindless shell of Twilight, out to kill anything she laid eyes on.

Twilight: A mirror would solve everything then.

Twilight had noticed the dagger and pulled it out of Zecoras corpse with her mouth.

Rarity: Apparently Zecora had been stabbed with both a scimitar AND a dagger that day.

She began to slowly approach Spike, who was completely paralyzed in fear from all of the events. Rainbow Dash had gotten up from another crash at the same bookshelf when she noticed Twilight about to do her evil deed.

Author: And that was bad.

She dashed at Twilight so fast, they crashed through the wall of the house, leaving a giant hole in its place.

Looking at Twilight, Rainbow Dash began to tear up as Twilight hissed and screeched at her with her pure white eyes.

Twilight: I'm quite talented. I can make noises with my eyes.

She was no longer Twilight, but a mindless killer that wanted to feast on her for dinner.

Rarity: Well, now, that's just jumping to conclusions.
Author: What, you think crazy Twilight wants them for an afternoon snack instead?

The thought of Zecoras last words raced through her head: "The only cure is death....", "You have to kill her!" Seeing the scimitar on the ground, Dash picked it up with her teeth. "NO! I CANT DO IT!!" She screamed

Author: With the scimitar in her mouth, which made for a very humorous mental image.

as she looked once more at Twilights face, which was now wrinkled and pale. With tears in her eyes and no shame left in her, she finally thrust the scimitar into Twilight's throat.

Not moving a muscle, Twilight's face began to turn back to normal. The spots went away, along with the wrinkles and her eyes began to look like her old eyes.

Twilight: Figures. If they waited about five seconds before killing me, I would've turned back to normal.

Tears flooded Twilights eyes as she muttered her last simple sentence in her regular, caring voice, "Rainbow Dash...What have you done?"

Author: "Cured your ass, you ungrateful bastard."

Her eyes were glowing as tears began to form."Why..." was her last word as her face paled up as she collapsed on the ground. This shattered Rainbow Dash,

Rarity: My bad. Lyra wasn't the understudy, a glass statue was.
Author: I guess that's why her character was so "transparent"! (Socked in the face by Twilight.)

causing pools of tears to run down her eyes and for her to collapse on the ground right next to her.

She slowly moved next to the dead mare and looked at her face one last time. Spike was on his knees, crying like the poor baby dragon he was.

Rarity: Considering he originally lived in Canterlot with Twilight, I was under the impression that he was upper-middle class.

Rainbow Dash, who at this point was as pale as a ghost, muttered some words, "Twilight....I'm so sorry..." as she huddled next to her, trembling on the cold, wet ground.

Twilight: Why's she sorry? I was the one stupid enough to go examining dangerous plants in a forest full of monsters!
Author: Seriously. You should raise yourself from the dead right now and apologize for your stupidity.

-end

All: Thank Celestia for that!
Author: C'mon, let's go get some tacos...

---

Author: Well kids. I think we all learned an important lesson today!
Rarity: Don't let Pinkie Pie trap you in a room with bad fan fic?
Author: No, it's "Don't go shoving random shit in your face"! Don't you feel enlightened?
Twilight: I believe I've transcended to another plane of understanding...
Rarity: Say, what vegetation DOES the Everfree forest sport?
Twilight: Unlike the Twilight in the story, I actually know about plant life. There's your basic flowers, life dandelions and roses that grow in small, isolated patches, but then you have more curious specimens.
Author: Like what?
Twilight: There's the Glass Lily, which turns your skin transparent.
Rarity: That could be good for laughs.
Twilight: There's the Four Leaf Blossom, which let's you see and interact with alternate dimensions.
Author: I have a garden full of those things behind my workshop. That damn Pinkie Pie keeps picking them without my permission.
Twilight: And then there's the incredibly rare, gem-encrusted Brood Tulip.
Rarity: Now that's a flower I'd love to have!
Twilight: It randomly explodes. That's why it's so rare.
Rarity: ... Now that's a flower I'd love to have as far away from me as possible.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Are you kidding me?! Just think of all the awesome fireworks we'd have!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Yeah, just make sure that no pegasi are flying nearby when you try that.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Okay! I promise! Maybe! Sorta kinda iffy bitty!
(Rainbow Dash sighs as she presses the button, and the screen goes out with a blip.)

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