"Alright," Rainbow Dash said, a smile slowly spreading across her muzzle. "Who would you fuck to save Equestria?"

Twilight coughed into her salt water, eyes widening. Rarity, nursing a cider, tried to maintain her expression of quiet dignity, but couldn't keep her muzzle from flushing pink.

"Um, Dash? I really don't remember that question from the book …" Twilight muttered, head weaving sideways toward her open reference copy of Slumber 101.

Applejack drained her own cider, shooting Dash a return grin. "Well, some ponies seem determined to escalate this party right quickly."

"What? That's how these parties go. Get drunk, talk about sex. We're already mostly there."

"Some of us more'n others." Applejack gestured at a half-empty bottle. "Enjoyin' the moonshine?"

Fluttershy took another quiet sip from her shot of Liquid Courage, nodding, glancing around and smiling at nopony in particular.

"It's great!" Dash said. "I could kiss you. On the lips."

Pinkie beamed. "You girls are the bestest drinking buddies ever!"

Twilight, examining the table of contents, frowned. "The book doesn't even mention … no. Hang on." She squinted in intense concentration, her hornglow increasing and her eyes taking on a soft purple sheen, and started riffling through the pages.

The mug in Twilight's horngrasp tilted as her attention shifted, its contents sloshing and spilling. Pinkie gasped and threw herself onto the table, sprawling out on her back, muzzle open under the stream of liquid. Twilight glanced up, blinking her eyes back to normal, and righted the mug.

Pinkie swallowed and giggled, which turned into a hiccup halfway through. "Careful! Spilling's a party foul! You almost had to take an extra drink!"

"Sorry," Twilight said automatically, setting the mug down and returning to her perusal of the book.

Pinkie slid back down the table toward her chair. "Silly Twilight! You don't have to apologize. That's what the extra drink's for!"

Dash laughed. "Yeah, drink more! If we're gonna do this you've gotta stop thinking with your top brain."

Rarity — her muzzle back to its usual white — theatrically rolled her eyes. "Rainbow Dash, it is entirely your business if your tastes run to fillies —"

Applejack's smile didn't shift, but her eyebrows furrowed. "Rare."

"Hm?" Rarity paused, eyes flicking across the table, but when AJ looked away and shook her head, she continued. "As I was saying, Rainbow, who you choose to proposition is your own business, but it is sordid indeed to be so desperate about it."

Rainbow stared at Rarity for the span of a heartbeat before recognition glinted in her eyes. She threw back her head. "Hah!"

The sound set off a cascade. "Pfft!" AJ bit back a laugh. Pinkie Pie snorted. Even Fluttershy let out a little squeak, muzzle curling into a smile.

Rarity took a dainty sip of cider as Twilight glanced up from her book. "Wait, what?"

"That, there, sugarcube," AJ said, "was the sound of Rares crackin' an honest-to-goodness joke."

"Oh, good." Twilight smiled, eyes already back on the book, and flipped a page.

"I declare it a grade-A down-home country burn." Applejack leaned past Pinkie to clop a hoof on Dash's shoulder. "Reckon that means you owe her a shot."

"Yep! That's the rule!" Pinkie said, sliding back to her seat, hooves sweeping across the table in a single fluid motion and somehow acquiring a shotglass and shaker. "As of now! I like that rule. I like drunk Dashie!"

Dash chuckled and swiped the shotglass from Pinkie. "It's worth it to finally hear Rarity getting into the swing of things. And since she's loosened up, she can answer first."

Rarity brought a hoof to her chest and straightened her posture. "My dears, there are some things which a lady does not discuss."

"Ah! Found it!" Twilight said, face brightening.

"That was your excuse for not telling us who your first kiss was," Dash said. "You can't use the same excuse twice."

"There's a paragraph," Twilight continued, "in the 'Adult Parties' chapter …"

"Au contraire. I see no reason why we cannot treat the topic of sexual intercourse with the discretion and dignity it deserves."

"… which says that 'intoxicating beverages in responsible quantities' …"

"Like calling it 'sexual intercourse' instead of 'fucking'?"

"… 'can lead to a loosening of social inhibitions' …"

"Ya gotta admit, Dash, Rare's got a point. Most ponies say 'rut'. 'Fuck' just sounds dirty."

"… 'and offer daring partiers the opportunity to discover truths about each other' …"

"Even 'rutting' cheapens the sacredness of the act. I see no need to debase it with such hypotheticals."

"… 'which would not come out under normal circumstances.'"

"See," Dash said, "even Twilight agrees with me."

Twilight looked up. "I do?"

"This is a question you ask to get to know the hidden side of your friends. The entire point of questions like that is for everypony to share. You push yourself to answer them because your friends do too. If somepony passes it's not fair to the others."

"Um." Twilight tapped the page with her hoof. "… 'Care should, however, be taken that such games and discussions do not lead to anypony being forced into topics beyond their comfort level.'"

"I am not uncomfortable." Rarity took a large sip of cider, setting down her empty mug, which Applejack whisked away for a refill. "The question merely strikes me as immature."

"I hear ponies use that word a lot," Pinkie said, "when what they really mean is 'important.'"

"Case in point," Rarity muttered, reclaiming her mug in horn.

"Aw, c'mon, Rare," Applejack said. "It's all in good fun."

Twilight, who had paused momentarily to stare into space, raised her eyebrows. "Actually," she said, taking a stiff gulp of saltwater and making another tally on her notepad, "as strange as it sounds, I think Pinkie's right."

"See! Even Twilight agrees with —" Pinkie blinked. "Wait, you agree with me?"

"This is an important question!" Twilight said. "We're the Elements of Harmony, right? We've already saved Equestria several times, and we'll probably have to do it again. We beat Nightmare Moon and Discord with the power of friendship … but at Cadence's wedding, that wasn't enough, and she had to fight Chrysalis with the power of love. Dash asked who we would … rut with … to save Equestria. That's something we might actually have to do someday. It pays to plan for these things ahead of time!" She smiled, back on familiar ground.

Dash broke out into incredulous laughter. "Wow. Leave it to the egghead."

Rarity's lips curled wryly upward. "Et tú, Twilight?"

Twilight's smile vanished. "M-me? Well, I guess, if I had to, I, I'd —"

"Figure of speech, darling." Rarity let out an exaggerated sigh. "I was asked to speak first, and so I shall. Better to suffer this indignity quickly than to allow anticipation to build. And perhaps —" she fixed an eye on Dash — "I might set a dignified tone that will inform our further approaches to the subject."

Dash smirked. "Don't worry, Rary. I promise I won't use 'fuck' unless I really mean it."

"Oooh!" Pinkie said. "I know! New rule! Every time Dashie says 'fuck' she has to kiss me!"

"Pffft!" Liquid sprayed out from across the table.

Fluttershy coughed, inhaled, blinked back involuntary tears, and wiped her nose with the back of her hoof. Five heads swiveled over to her. She swallowed, eyes darting around. "Oh," she whispered, crouching for cover beneath the edge of the table. "I'm sorry."

"You alright, sugarcube?" AJ asked, waiting for Fluttershy's nod before walking over to the side table and grabbing a rag in her teeth. "Take some nice deep breaths. I'll clean up."

Twilight glanced back and forth between Fluttershy and Pinkie. "Maybe this is one of those times we should talk about comfort levels," she said, brandishing the book. "Fluttershy, are you alright with what Pinkie's proposing?"

"Does," Fluttershy started — sinking under the table even further, only eyes and ears visible, as the others turned back to her — "does the rule apply to everypony?" The question shot up in pitch, ending in a squeak.

"Of course not," Rarity said immediately. "That's hardly the sort of activity that is appropriate without consent."

"Oh," Fluttershy whispered. "Um. Okay."

Twilight stared at Fluttershy for a moment, then set the book down and looked at Dash. "Alright. But physical contact of a suggestive nature is at a whole different level from discussion of sexual topics, so we should also ensure the ponies involved are in agreement —"

"Equestria to Twilight," Dash said. "We've kissed, like, in front of you."

"We're dating!" Pinkie added.

"Sorta dating."

"Sorta dating!"

"Still, I want to be sure," Twilight said. "Voluntary private intimacy is entirely different from rule-mediated contact in a group setting."

Rainbow snickered. "Okay, now you're just fucking with me."

Pinkie lunged. "You said it!"

Rainbow flailed, squealed, and went down to the floor in a tangle of legs. "Hey! No fair," she protested, laughing. "I wasn't ready for mmhhrrm mmffrmm!" Her flailing slowed as Pinkie's lips found their mark.

Twilight giggled, muzzle reddening, as she watched, then looked back at the others uncertainly. "Um." Fluttershy, too, was furiously blushing, not even trying to disguise her stare.

"Well," AJ said, "reckon we know what her answer to her own question was going to be."

Rarity glanced at the two ponies on the floor for a moment, then shrugged and leaned in over the table, sipping her cider. "On the bright side, we all knew this was inevitable, and at least their distraction frees the rest of us of the indignity of discussing hypothetical lovemaking partners."

"Hey! No way!" Dash shouted from the floor, wriggling free of Pinkie and scrambling back upright. "Sorry, balloons, but I wanna hear this."

"Oooh, me too!" Pinkie was somehow back in her chair without covering the intervening distance.

"I reckon that's a plan," Applejack said, walking back to the side table. "I'll top up the drinks. 'Nother Liquid Courage?" Fluttershy nodded silently.

"Alright … go ahead, Rarity," Twilight said.

Rarity brushed her mane back. "I hope that I have made my position on intercourse sufficiently clear. Call me old-fashioned if you wish, but one should save the experience to share with he who will prove himself to be your true love."

"Or she," AJ said.

"I suppose, if one is of that inclination."

Applejack opened her mouth, thought for a moment, and then shook her head and slid a shot glass across the table: half salt water, half moonshine, with just enough apple juice to tinge it golden. "There ya go, Flutters."

Rarity sipped her cider. "That having been said … our hypothetical does presume a rather dire and immediate necessity, which must be taken into account."

"Ha! So you would sleep around for a good cause," Dash said.

"Hardly. If we are to save the world through making love, then we must assure there is love in the act, yes? However … and realize this is purely hypothetical, mind you."

"Of course," Twilight said.

"The stallion most fit to set my heart afire is —" Rarity pressed her pastern to her forehead — "already taken."

Dash burst into giggles. "Rarity. Our sweet, romantic Rarity. A homewrecker."

Rarity glanced back through narrowed eyes. "For Equestria's sake. Only for the good of our world."

"Ooooh, who!" Pinkie Pie leaned over the table, bouncing on hind hooftips. "Who?"

"Fancy Pants, if you must know."

Twilight frowned, searching her memory. "That unicorn from Canterlot with the three-crown mark?"

"The very one."

"I," a small voice said from next to Rarity, "thought he was very nice." Fluttershy took a small sip from her shotglass.

"He was. A perfect gentlecolt." Rarity smiled at the recollection.

"Those are the ones you've got to watch out for," Dash said slyly. "The more uptight they are in public, the kinkier they get in the sack."

"That's not true!" Twilight blurted out, then immediately went red in the cheeks as five pairs of eyes swiveled her way.

AJ grinned smugly, prodding Twilight in the side with a hoof. "Sounds like somepony's been learnin' some personal friendship lessons, huh, sugarcube?"

"No! I mean — research — I mean —" Twilight stammered, her blush spreading. She bought herself a few seconds by draining her mug and marking another three tallies on her notepad. "I'm not — that is, I have a friend who's not into weird stuff at all. Very vanilla. Painfully, shamefully vanilla. And she's a super uptight pony. She even tried a few experiments just to see, but she's —"

"Unfortunately," Rarity quickly cut in, "he has a lovely mate, Fleur De Lis by name. So such a thing is never to be — unless a national crisis were to force the point."

"That's a shame," Twilight said, sounding vastly relieved.

"He would be lucky to have you," Fluttershy said.

"I dunno," Dash said, turning to Twilight with a predatory smirk. "Maybe 'painfully vanilla' is more his type. Is he yours?"

Twilight swallowed, speechless. "Dash," AJ chided, " 'taint nice to tease."

"I — what? No! I'm just saying, if she's dropping bombs like that I've gotta hear how Twilight's going to answer the question. Teasing would be, oh, I dunno, cracking jokes about her personal friendship lessons."

AJ leaned over the table, her hat falling aslant over one eye. "Now see here —"

Pinkie leaned forward, effortlessly interposing herself between orange and blue and grabbing both of them around the necks in a hug. "Yeah, Twilight! Tell us who you'd do! We're all listening!"

"I, um," Fluttershy said quietly, tapping her front hooves together, voice wavering. "I … thought it was my turn?"

"I-it — ah," Twilight stuttered, torn between the relief of the offered out and the guilt of burdening Fluttershy with the question. "Well … you are next around the table …?"

Rarity glanced at Twilight with an almost imperceptible shake of the head, then back to Fluttershy. "Don't worry, darling," she said soothingly. "Nopony here is going to force you to answer this beastly question. Really, you were very brave telling us about your first kiss —" she winced as she remembered the sobbing, and the brief but awkward retreat into the closet — "but we don't wish you to force yourself beyond your limits on our account."

Twilight looked down guiltily. "Yeah, what she said. I'm sorry. I'll go."

"Um," Fluttershy said, eyes darting around the table. "Thank you, that's very generous, I mean, I know you're …" Her eyes' motions settled in on her shotglass. "You're all being so understanding, and …" The sentence trailed off into awkward silence, punctuated by the distant tick of the wall clock in the kitchen.

Twilight waited a few seconds, then cleared her throat. "It's okay, Fluttershy. I —"

The sound seemed to startle some primal instinct in Fluttershy. She lunged for her shotglass, grabbing it in both hooves, and threw the liquid urgently into her muzzle. She swallowed it in a single large gulp, coughing, face twitching, and slammed the glass back down to the table. "Big Mac."

Her eyes darted around the table again, at the silent, wide-eyed faces.

"I mean," she said, voice seizing up again, "I would … I would, fuck …" Her voice dwindled away into insubstantiality. "bggmcta." She stood, petrified, fores perched on the table.

Dash was the first to recover. "Whoah-hoah!" she said with an incredulous laugh, eyes shining. "Looks like that Liquid Courage lives up to its name."

"Squeak."

Dash's grin spread to the others. "Awww, that's so sweet!" Pinkie said. "And you two have so much in common! He's really super good with animals around the farm and he doesn't talk much either and, and they'd just be so cute together saving Equestria, am I right?"

"They … they kinda would," Twilight had to admit.

The reaction seemed to buoy Fluttershy. A bashful smile crept onto her muzzle. "A-and," she admitted, "he's so big, and so gentle … and I could just fit right underneath him as we were, as we were … doing it, and I could snuggle up against his tummy, while he held me and went deep inside me —"

AJ interrupted with a sharp laugh. "Whoah there, pardner! This is my brother we're talkin' about, and I don't need them kinda images gallopin' through my brain."

"Eep," Fluttershy said, eyes widening, instantly shrinking back and balling up, landing heavily in her chair. "Imsorryimsorryididntmeanit—"

AJ sat up straight, looking similarly alarmed. "Aw, no — haybales. Sugarcube — no. It's okay, I promise, jes' maybe we could skip the details?"

"No, no!" Dash said, still grinning maniacally. "Let her get it all out. This is, like, therapy or something."

"Dash," AJ said, narrowing her eyes. Rainbow shrugged and took a drink.

"Imsorryimsorry," Fluttershy repeated, rocking back and forth, her muzzle turning slowly, eyes locking in on the closet door. She was interrupted by a white leg wrapping around her neck. "Eep!"

Rarity pulled the two of them into a hug. "Fluttershy, darling," she said, "I'm so proud of you. That must have been so scary to admit."

Fluttershy nodded, silent and trembling, but at Rarity's gentle words a smile began to creep back onto her muzzle. "I-it was the courage," she whispered. "I've had five."

Rarity held her with both forehooves, stroking her mane. "It was. But next time, you won't need it quite so much." She pulled back, beaming. "And it will forever afterward be a little easier to remember not to be ashamed of the voice of your heart."

"That's …" Twilight gawked. "That was poetic, Rarity. That was deep! I … I should write that down." She giggled. "I ought to send a friendship report! Celestia would — oh stars. Spike! Where's Spike?"

"That's the other reason we sent him upstairs," AJ reminded her with a grin and a pat on the withers. "Remember that one time you sent a drunk report?"

Twilight's smile vanished amid a deep red flush. "Glrk. No! No scrolling in altered mental states!"

Dash snickered. "I dunno, she took it pretty well."

"'My faithful student, thank you for thinking of me with your letter, I know someday you'll look back on this and laugh' is not taking it well!"

Pinkie giggled. "Admit it, Twilight, it was pretty funny."

"Maybe she even appreciated it," Fluttershy said. "I think Celestia does have a big sense of humor." She shrank back into her seat and tapped her front hooves quietly together. "But that's just my opinion."

"I wonder sometimes," Twilight said, cheeks afire.

"Yeah! Remember how Celestia thanked us for livening up the Gala?" Dash said, pouring the dregs of the first bottle of moonshine into her mug. "Oooooh … speaking of the Princess, guess whose turn it is to answer."

Twilight squirmed in her seat. "Err …"

Rarity tittered behind a hoof, clearing her throat to cover up her amusement. "Must we subject Miss Sparkle to this torture? I agree, it is obvious what she's going to say."

"No! No, it isn't!"

"Calm down, Twi," AJ said, "we should all be so lucky to be so close to the Princess. Ain't no shame at all in thinkin' about that chance."

"Lots of ponies do!" Pinkie added. "Didn't you read Love Letters To The Sun?"

"Read what!?"

Pinkie pointed over to the far wall. "It's filed under L!"

Twilight's eye twitched. "Have I still not rearranged everything using the Dewy Grass Decimal System? I guess not, haha, I'd better get started."

"C'mon, Twilight," Dash said. "You're not gonna leave Flutters hanging high and dry after courage like that, are you? All you gotta do is say it and then we can move on."

"If, um. If Twilight's not comfortable telling us, then we shouldn't force her. I don't think."

"I shouldn't," Twilight said. "I really shouldn't."

"Twilight," Rarity said delicately, "if it's about her being a her … I promise you nopony in this room cares if you're a fillyfooler."

Hooves slammed down onto the far side of the table, knocking over the empty bottle of moonshine and sloshing liquid loose from mugs. Applejack shot upright, eyes flashing.

"I am tryin' to be tolerant," Applejack shouted, "but you will not use that word in my presence."

Author's Notes:

Eleven months in the making. Enjoy the ride.