Silence reigned in the operating room, save for the hum of magic as Insano did his work. The bin where he deposited bloodstained shards of glass was growing ever fuller as he extracted them from Dinky Doo’s face. The unicorn foal was out cold due to anesthesia, while the two nurses stood by to assist the surgeon however he needed them.

The doctor himself panted heavily, his chest heaving and his legs quaking as he struggled to get the discordant symphony of his mad mind to focus to create magic. Trying to orchestrate such concentration from such chaos became a herculean task long ago; just lifting his instruments felt like he was attempting to lift a rock with a lasso tied around his pinkie toe. All the same, his tools did not quiver or waver, and he did not complain nor give in to the exhaustion that continually tried to drag him to the floor.

The last twinkling clatter of glass into the bin rang in his ears like the bells of heaven as he was crowned its new ruler after deposing God, which he would totally do if he ever died and heaven turned out to be a thing that existed. He made one more sweep of his eyes with his x-ray vision before falling back on his rump and holding his head high in fatigue, his tools clattering to the floor.

“Done,” he panted, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Mission complete, break out the booze and hookers, fuck you blindness for I have conquered you twice!” He pumped his forearms in the air in triumph before falling flat onto his back.

Tenderheart giggled softly while her sister sighed in relief. “Congratulations, doctor. For your first time using magic, you did well,” Tenderheart said as she disposed of the glass shards.

“I’m a genius; of course I did well,” he scoffed as he shakily got back onto his legs.

“I have to admit, I had my doubts about you, Insano,” Redheart confessed as she picked up the discarded instruments, “but you really surprised me. I guess you really aren’t such a bad pony after all.”

“Yes, because I did this to impress you,” he sneered as he leaned up against the wall.

“Still prickly as a dragon’s spine, though,” Redheart said with a roll of her eyes as she began to clean his tools.

Insano smirked to himself. “Hey, Tenderheart.”

“Yes?” the nurse asked, turning to Insano.

The mad scientist's smile widened as Tenderheart’s pupils dilated and her expression turned blank. Her pink eyes lost all light or will behind them and showed only the desire to obey.

“Be a dear and pin your sister down for me.”

“What–” was the only word Redheart managed to get out before Tenderheart obeyed, pouncing on her sister and holding her down. “Tender, the buck are you doing?!”

Insano cackled as he watched the two nurses squirm. “Hypno vision, my dear bitch, hypno vision. Your dear sister is now completely at my command. Now Tenderheart, turn your sister to face me, would you kindly?”

Tenderheart roughly twisted her sister around on the cold tile, Redheart still struggling to throw the hypnotized mare off of her. She screwed her eyes shut. “Why are you doing this? You have your goggles back; you can just go!”

“Because I’m an evil, vindictive son of a bitch,” he said as if he were explaining a joke to an idiot. He trotted up to her and focused his magic once more, forcing her eyes open to look into his swirling goggles. Her sapphire eyes and her alabaster face quickly became a mirror of her sister’s as her struggling slowed to a halt. “Good. Very good. Tenderheart, release her.”

Tenderheart climbed off her sibling as Redheart got back to her hooves. The two sisters just stared ahead, awaiting orders.

“Oh, the possibilities of what I could do,” he purred with a cackle. “I could make you two do lesbian shit to each other, but knowing this place that probably wouldn’t be much of an indignity.” He hummed in thought. “For now, I guess we’ll just get down to business. I need to ask you a few questions I don’t want you to remember me asking, and you will answer all of them truthfully, understood?”

The two mutely nodded.

“Good girls,” he giggled. “Now, what planet am I on?”

“Equis,” they responded in unison.

“Of course I am,” he deadpanned. “The etymology around here is as drab and predictable as a Randy Newman soundtrack. This country is called Equestria, yes?”

The pair nodded.

“What kind of government does Equestria have?” he asked.

“Aristocratic diarchy,” they answered.

“A diarchy? I can’t say I expected that,” he admitted, arching a brow and smiling with interest. “Who are the diarchs?”

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”

“So that’s how this Celestia fits into the picture,” he mumbled. “Why do I keep hearing ponies swearing to Celestia’s name and not Luna’s?”

This time the two sisters gave different answers, their words jumbling each other’s up.

“Stop,” he ordered, holding up a hoof. “Tenderheart, you answer.”

“Princess Luna lost her mind a thousand years ago and tried to plunge the world in eternal night,” she monotoned. “She is a traitor to her subjects and was only recently put back on the throne as the diarch.”

“Plunge the world in eternal night?” he repeated. “How the neon green fuck would she do that?” Both tried to answer again in different words, but he held up a hoof again. “Hold it, hold it! Redheart, your turn.”

“The princesses each control the sun and moon,” she answered. “Luna refused to lower the moon so that Celestia could raise the sun.”

“Control the–” He shook his head. “How in the hell do they do that?”

“Magic,” the sisters explained.

The scientist threw his forelegs up over his head. “Of fucking course. What else could it possibly be?” The two tried to answer with possible theories, but he cut them off with, “That question was rhetorical, you twats!” He paused. “Wait, Tenderheart, what did you say?”

“There is a theory that the princesses don’t really control the sun and moon, but pretend they do to keep their positions. Otherwise, they have no real claim to the throne besides defeating Discord long ago,” Tenderheart repeated. “Unicorns in general claimed to control the sun and moon long before they were born in order to get food from earth ponies, and now unicorns account for roughly seventy percent of the nobility and on average make a thousand more bits a year than pegasi or earth ponies.”

“I suppose even a land of goddamn ponies has to have some form of political intrigue,” he said. “Redheart, I need a second opinion; your thoughts?”

“That theory is nonsense, borderline treason, and my sister is just a conspiracy theorist,” Redheart said flatly.

“Treason? I’ll be careful not to repeat it, then,” he mumbled. “This clinic was bad enough; I don’t want to go to prison. Speaking of which, is there any law enforcement in this village, Tenderheart?”

“No, but if there is any trouble, the Elements of Harmony take care of it,” she said.

“Elements of Harmony? Is that some sort of vague religious or philosophical bullshit? Because that’s what it sounds like,” he said.

“The Elements of Harmony are ancient artifacts of immense power,” she explained. “The six current bearers are Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle.”

“The six who I met in the forest,” he muttered. “Great. I’ve already run into the local law enforcement, and it’s a bunch of girls barely out of adolescence. I can handle that. Now, are there any libraries around here, Redheart?”

“Twilight Sparkle lives at and runs the local library,” she said.

“To the purple bitch’s house it is, then,” he said with a smile. “You two have been wonderfully cooperative. Now, as soon as I leave the room, you are to forget this entire conversation and that you were hypnotized in the first place.” He turned around for the door, but paused, his smile growing into a Cheshire grin. “Before I go… Redheart? Kiss my ass. It’s the least you deserve for filling it full of holes.”

The colt cackled at the sound of feel of lips smacking against his plot. He pranced out the door, manically giggling to himself. “Oh, how glorious it is to be back on top…”

“Oh, your dancing was lovely, Rarity, as always; certainly better than mine. No, no, no need to spare my feelings, I know I have two left feet. Well, that’s sweet of you to say. Shall I walk you home, my lady? No, really, I’d be happy to! Oh… oh, I didn’t mean… well, if you insist, I wouldn’t want to disappoint such a lovely and naughty lady, would I? Yes, you heard right, dragons do have two–”

Spike was snapped out of his mirror-front daydream by a knock at the front door. The dragon watched his reflection deflate as he called back, “Coming!” He grumbled under his breath every step of the way. “If ponies can’t even bother to read the ‘closed’ sign on the door, why the hay would they even want a book?”

There was another knock on the door. “I know you’re in there; hurry up!” a male voice called. It sounded like it belonged to a castrated duck that somehow learned to talk getting strangled.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to remember his manners as he opened the door. “Sorry, but the library is closed right now, but–” When he saw who was at the door, his polite rebuke shoved itself back down his throat, forcing a nervous gulp. “D…Doctor Insano?”

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me; I take it your…” He paused. “This is Twilight Sparkle’s house, right?”

Spike nodded.

“What is she to you, anyway? Owner? Sister? Mother? Adoptive mother, of course. Then again… the hue of your scales is similar to her coat,” he mused. “Are you the bastard child of her and a reptile?”

“Wh-what? No!” he sputtered, narrowing his eyes at the stallion. “I am her number one assistant!”

“And what is she to you?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Spike opened his mouth to answer, but he closed it again. “You know, I never really thought about it much. I mean, she made my egg hatch and helped raise me, so she is kind of my mom, but she’s also not that much older than me and we grew up together in the same house, so she’s also kind of my sister. I guess she’s a little bit of both?”

“Oh, the incest jokes I could make,” Insano deadpanned. “Regardless, I take it she told you about me, yes?”

“Yes, she did; shouldn’t you still be in the clinic?” he asked, eyeing the stallion with suspicion.

“I got better,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hoof. “Now, I need books. This place has books. Thus, you will supply me with books.”

“As I said, the library is closed,” Spike said firmly, grabbing the edge of the door to slam it shut. He was about to do just that when the swirls of Insano’s goggles began to spin. Soon that was all he saw, and all he heard was Insano’s voice echoing inside his skull.

“You will make an exception for me. Twilight won’t mind, will she?” the stallion’s voice asked.

Spike blinked and shook his head. He looked to Insano’s goggles to find that they were perfectly still. “Must have been my imagination,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Insano asked, the corners of his lips curving upward.

“Nothing,” Spike said with another shake of his head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Twilight won’t mind if you look at a few of her books while she’s gone.”

“Good,” the doctor said as he pushed past Spike and into the library. He paused and sniffed the air. “I smell romantic desperation… and lots of it.”

Spike froze as he closed the door. “E-excuse me?”

“And by romantic desperation, I mean furious masturbation,” Insano corrected. “Really, how do you live in here with that stench all about?”

Spike’s jaw went slack as if it had gone numb and his cheeks flushed up like a pair of cherries. “I do not–”

“Not you,” Insano said, waving his hoof again. “I can tell it’s female. That mare really must be damn pent up from denying her sexuality for so long. Besides, you’re too young for that.” He looked over his shoulder with a questioning glance. “I’m fairly sure you’re too young to even know what that word means.”

The dragon chuckled nervously, growing more flustered and rubbing the back of his head. “Well, erm, I–”

“Getting bored, don’t care,” Insano cut him off. “I have a lot of books I need to read and I want to get them read as fast as possible.”

Spike sighed in relief, but glared at the rude scientist regardless. He paused and curiously sniffed the air, but found no scent like the one his potential costumer described. He shook his head and asked, “Okay, what do you need?”

“Oh, where do I even begin…?” Next Chapter: The Talk Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours