Rainbow Dash felt Lero’s warm skin press against her coat as the dawn crawled toward Ponyville. She looped her forelegs around his neck and kissed him, feeling his breath meet hers, feeling his fingers dance down her body, those gentle and strong fingers her husband used so effectively.

Her husband. ‘Husband’ used to not mean anything to Rainbow Dash. It was a title in marriage, and that was something only noble ponies did (and some monogamous cultures, like donkeys), a government thing to share wealth, or domains, or titles. Normal ponies didn't get married. Normal ponies just herded if they liked each other. There wasn't any need for these crazy ceremonies the aristocrats practiced.

Twilight Sparkle was one of those noble ponies, and marrying her herd was something needed for issues of, again, wealth, domains, and titles.

But there was a secret marriage Rainbow Dash and Lero carried out years before, that joined their hearts together, just her and him, using a ceremony his culture practiced. Now the title ‘husband’ meant something; it was Lero, and it meant Lero was hers. She was his too, and knowing this, feeling this, gave her the deepest and warmest thrill.

And then Twilight, and then Lyra. All had the same private ceremony, the joining of hearts and lives together, well before their public marriage. Twilight said their public marriage was to ‘follow the responsibilities of the nobility, and keep with the mores of that class’. As far as Rainbow Dash was concerned, that was a fancy way of saying ‘we got married so the houses would get off my back’. Twilight gasped and blushed when Dash told her this, for it was quite the vulgar term.

But that didn't matter now, because Lero was here. Dash’s wings stiffened underneath her, one tapping Twilight as she slept next to them. Lero’s hand explored further, and discovered how heated she really was. Just the tip of his pinky, and he felt her clench around it, wet and soft.

“That’s so neat,” Lero whispered.

“Lero!” Dash hissed. “Stop teasing me and put it in!”

“You're so romantic,” Lero whispered with a smirk.

“You try saying something romantic!” she whispered.

Trying to put as much smokiness into his eyes as possible, Lero said, “I’m going to make love to you, mare.”

“You’re such a dork,” Dash said.

They both stifled a giggle, trying not to wake Twilight. Lero lifted his body slightly, and Dash caught her breath as she saw his member, fully erect. He moved a free hand under Dash’s head, his fingers diving into her mane and swimming to the scalp, where his fingertips tickled with their light touch. Oh, it felt so good, and Dash wished her hooves could do the same, light touches and strong kneads like Lero. But that was okay, because Lero loved her hooves anyway (he kisses them!).

He removed his pinky, its tip trailing crystal liquid that stretched out into a parabola before it broke and landed on the sheets, and Lero then moved his hips and maneuvered till the tip of his penis was pressing against Dash’s entrance, her wetness dampening over it. Dash clenched hard, holding onto delicious anticipation, her breath almost caught in her throat, until Lero pushed past.

She let out a long, low sigh that vibrated her belly, and then she wiggled her hips and wrapped her hindlegs around his lower back. She tried to imitate that wiggle-thrust that Lyra did, that made Lero arch his hips just so, and caused those wonderful moans to escape from his lips, but she couldn’t get it exactly right. Twilight had tried to mimic it too, but she'd get lost in pleasure and forget her plan.

Lero moved his mouth toward her ear and nibbled with lips and tongue. “Love,” he said, with his free hand patting her flank, her own moistness spreading against her cutie mark. “Rotate your hips, like you always do.”

“O-okay,” Dash said, following his lead. That darn stutter!

“You're exactly what I want,” he whispered, and warmth spread from her heart and made her grin. Lero let his lips travel down her cheek, kisses like whispered secrets, until he pressed them against her mouth. Dash pressed back, trying to put how she felt into one perfect kiss. She smiled, and Lero, feeling the smile, opened one eye to see what she was up to.

“I’m your house,” she tried to say as deadpan as possible. “Come inside me.”

Lero snorted, and Dash broke into laughter. “H-how’s that for romantic?”

Lero shook his head. “You’re a trailblazer, Dash,” he said, and Dash giggled again.

Twilight stirred, and deep in her sleep, muttered, “No fun allowed.” She rolled over and was silent.

Dash and Lero stole amazed glances at each other and choked down laughter, holding each other tight as they tried to bring voices back to whispers and moans. The first rays of the sun broke into the room.

“I did not!” Twilight said, her wings splayed in irritation.

“Yes you did!” Dash said. “’No fun allowed!’ Lero heard it too!”

They were in the living room at Lero’s house, and Lyra was busy rolling up her futon with her hooves. The bed was nice and big for the whole herd, but the slightest bump or tap to her bandaged horn would make her whimper with pain. While there were plenty of beds at the castle, she didn’t like to be away from her herd. Besides, she had a checkup to look forward too today. Perhaps the bandages could come off.

So she had been using her hooves for the past four days. She decided to use it to live in the moment, deliberately, to make thoughtful movements when using her hooves, and to test her patience. Of course, it sometimes tested the patience of other ponies as well. Beyond that, it made her feel closer to Lero, living as he did, without magic.

“Now Dash, she was half asleep,” Lero said, as he came into the room. He was naked, having just stepped out of the shower. “I’m sure she didn't mean it.”

“Well, of course she didn't mean it,” Dash said with a roll of her eyes. “I’m just saying it was funny.”

“Good morning,” Twilight said brightly, rearing up on her hind legs to hug Lero. Dash came up to his neck, and Lyra to his chin, but Twilight was big enough now to look him in the face. She loved looping hooves around his neck, staring into his eyes, and kissing him full on the lips, while his hands trailed down her wings.

“Nice!” Twilight said with a merry inflection, as she dropped back to all fours. “Just the pick-me-up I need before checking in at the Ponyville theatre.”

“Lyra’s supposed to get her bandage taken off today,” Dash said.

“I can still walk, Dash,” Lyra said. “I’m not an invalid.”

“I know that! I was just saying, that’s all.”

“I have two appointments today at the spa,” Lero said. The three turned to Dash.

“Got an appointment with a cloud,” Dash said with a smug lift of her chin. “If you guys were as hard workers as me, then you’d get the day off, too.”

“Speaking of hard workers,” Twilight said. “Spike!”

“I know, I know,” Spike’s voice came from down the hall as he struggled to leave the influence of his bed, full of warm sheets and pleasant dreams. He didn’t like sleeping alone in the castle, either. “Restack the civics and economics section,” he said, as he trudged into the living room.

“Good! And remember, Aristrotle’s Nickle Making Ethics should be in numis—”

“I know already!” Spike said, as he stumbled into the kitchen. “You act like I didn’t grow up in a library.”

“Well, somebody’s a grumpy-pants,” Twilight said, as she walked toward the kitchen. “Sorry Spike. I can’t ever thank you enough for all the help you’ve given me in Ponyville’s new library.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Spike said, as he entered the living room, holding a mug of coffee.

With fluttery eyelashes and melodious voice, Twilight said, “I love you very much, baby brother.”

“Ugh, Twi, don’t get all mushy on me,” he said, with burning cheeks. He stopped to let Twilight nuzzle him, reaching his free arm to hug her neck, nuzzling her in return. She was glad to discover that he had at least bathed last night, as he had that clean dragon scent of pine and licorice. “loveyouto,” he murmured.

He completed his entry into the living room, peering at all assembled as they wished him a good morning.

“Mornin’,” he said, blinking. He took a sip of his coffee and glanced up at Lero as he passed by.

“So what?” Spike said. “I got two.”

“I’m getting dressed,” Lero said, as he headed toward his bedroom.

“Oh, good work, Spike,” Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes. “It’s not like he needs two anyway.”

“He hardly even needs one,” Lyra said.

“First of all, ew, and second of all, gross.” Spike headed toward the exit of Lero’s house, pausing to rub sleep out of his eye before letting loose a sigh and opening the door to Ponyville.

“What got into him?” Dash said, after Spike shut the door.

“Oh, he was up late last night reading comics,” Twilight said. “I told him he had to get up early, but he didn’t care.”

“Heh, typical teenager.” She trotted toward the kitchen to see if any of Lero’s coffee was left. “What does a dragon need two penises for anyway? Peni.”

“I prefer the term penes, but technically dragons have a hemipenis.” Twilight cleared her throat and raised her muzzle at an academic level, and Dash drowned in horror—it meant Twilight was going to lecture them. On dragon penises. She looked toward Lyra in desperation, but Lyra only gave her a loopy smile. You brought this on yourself, her expression said.

“Dragon mating, at least what we ponies know of it, is unique in the animal kingdom. Female dragons have three vaginas, although two are actually connected to each other and loop around. While most creatures with a hemipenis—like snakes, for instance—use one organ at a time, male dragons use both, in the hopes of increasing their odds of impregnating a mate. After ejaculation, both organs will break off and remain lodged in the female, which pony scientists figure is a method of preventing rivals from possibly impregnating her. Eventually the two organs are pushed out, but by that time pregnancy should show. Usually a dragon will grow his hemipenis back after a year.”

“Ha ha, that’s real neat Twi, thanks,” Dash said, unease coloring her shaking voice. She squirmed, trying not to imagine a dragon penis... broken off into... ugh!

“There was a great dragon martial artist, Rectum Rectus,” Lyra said, standing at the entrance to the kitchen. Dash looked at her with anger over this betrayal, but Lyra only smiled. “When he was cornered by masters of the Sly Scrimmage school, he actually broke off both his penes and dual wielded them as clubs.”

“That’s interesting!” Twilight said, as Dash whipped her head toward her, her lips curled back and eyes wide with terror. “Actually, I've read that during periods of starvation—”

“La la la la I don’t care!” Dash shouted, as she leapt over the bar into the living room, not wanting to risk pushing back Lyra at the entrance. Of course she stood there on purpose, Dash thought. I’ll get you back!

“That’s strange,” Lero said, as he walked into the living room, fully clothed. “How did they evolve such an... interesting mating system?”

And now Dash’s betrayal was complete. Her own stallion had turned on her. She pouted her lip and saddened up her eyes, but stopped when she saw that look she was so familiar with in Lero—scientific arousal. Eggheadedness. He didn’t know he was backstabbing me, Dash thought. I guess I have to forgive him.

Twilight gently pawed at the white linoleum of the kitchen, as she cocked her head at Lero. “That’s the thing, there’s no biological forbears for dragons. They just appeared ex nihilo.”

“That’s hard to imagine. They really just... showed up?”

Twilight nodded. “They’re purely magical creatures. They sprung from magic, not from biological processes.”

“Can we please stop talking about dragons, now?” Dash said. “It’s soooo boring.”

“Wow Dash, I didn't expect you to be bored,” Lero said with a smirk. “I thought you loved learning boring facts.”

“Ha! Get real,” Dash said, wondering where Lero was going with this.

“After all, you got a 100 on a test.”

“That’s right!” Twilight said. “You aced the Wonderbolts test! That means—”

“Don’t say it!”

“—you’re an egghead too!”

“Nooo!” Dash shouted. She raised her forelegs to her face and fell to the floor. “Can this day get any worse?”

“Oh, Rarity,” Twilight said, walking toward Dash. “It just started. It’s a beautiful day! Nothing can ruin it.”

Dash stood and looked out the window, seeing Twilight’s point immediately. Somewhere, out there in that sky, was a cloud with her name on it. Maybe Lero can nap with me when he’s done at the spa, Dash thought. I’ll get Twilight cast that cloud walking spell. Ooh, her and Lyra, too!

“Okay, so it’s gonna be a good day,” Dash said, standing up. “I mean, as long as nopony is out there planning something stupid.”

Berry Punch hooked one hindleg over the armrest of the wheelchair as Minuette pushed her outside. Berry took a long swig from a bottle of celery and salt soda (her own batch, from her own one-mare soda company, Berry Shines) as she surveyed her thoughts.

“That hospital was a drag.”

“Berry, you can take your neck brace off,” Minuette said, in her energetic sing-song voice. “Actually, I think you could have taken it off yesterday.”

“It’s a fashion statement,” Berry said. “Wheel me over at Rarity, and I'll show it to her. Then keep going.”

“I'm not running over Lady Rarity for you.”

In a high-pitched voice, like a schoolyard taunt, Berry said, “Lady Rarity.”

“Ms. Punch!” Nurse Redheart shouted from the entrance of the hospital. Berry was nonplussed, but Minuette stopped pushing the wheelchair to turn around, her wide eyes betraying her startled state. “You bring that wheelchair back right this minute!”

“Oh, sorry about that,” Minuette said, with a smile and a wave. “I wasn't planning on stealing it!”

“I know you didn’t, dear, I’m talking to—” Redheart jumped as the empty bottle of soda bounced off the path in front of her. It landed in the grass with a dusty thud, disrupting a ladybug who buzzed in confusion before setting down on the edge of the bottle’s glassy lip.

“I'm claiming this wheelchair for Princess Celestia,” Berry Punch said, not bothering to turn around. “Minuette, forward!” She thrust a hoof in the air.

“I'm not going to post bail today,” Minuette said with a giggle. "Come on, let's get Redheart her old chair back before she totally flips out."

Berry Punch peeked back over the top of the wheel chair just in time to see Redheart grab the handles. Berry jumped from the chair, her momentum causing Red Heart to stumble forwards.

“Be sure to pick that bottle up,” Berry said, as she peeled off the neck brace and dumped it in the wheelchair.

“Next time, I'll just have the vet take you out back and end it for good,” Redheart said, as she pointed the wheelchair to its rightful home. She expertly wheeled the wheelchair back into the hospital.

“Now why can't you be that fast?” Berry Punch said.

“I could, but I didn’t want you falling out,” Minuette said.

“That’s nice,” Berry said, patting Minuette on the head.

Minuette swatted Berry’s hoof away. “Are you doing anything this afternoon? I mean, I'd love to have tea with you today.”

“That sounds like wonderful fun,” Berry said in an ambiguous way. “But right now I got an appointment with one of them Lero fellas.” She turned to leave, and, after a few steps, realized Minuette wasn't there. She turned around to see Minuette’s face bursting with confusion.

“You're actually going?”

“Yeah, why wouldn't I?”

“Seriously?”

Berry squinted in exasperation. “Minuette, he’s a professional. He’s not going to turn me away.”

Minuette shook her head and followed behind. “You really push it sometimes, you know.” She trotted quickly to catch up to Berry.

Wearing his Aloe-and-Lotus-approved white pants and white t-shirt, Lero aimlessly dusted the massage table with his towel as Berry Punch entered his domain.

“I see a mister with a job to do,” Berry said.

“Welcome back, Berry,” Lero said. “I’m guessing I’m going to be doing some work on your neck.”

“You guess correctly,” Berry said, as she crawled onto the massage table. “Uh, how’s Lyra?”

“Bandages should come off today,” Lero said. He made precursory dips into Berry’s neck and upper back, feeling for tension. “I got a list of your injuries from the hospital. Do you have any pain here?”

“Nah, just tense,” Berry said. Lero pressed further and began the massage. Berry let out a sigh like the hiss from a cooling kettle and relaxed into the table, her eyes closed.

Berry was usually a bit more talkative, but Lero figured she was tired from her hospital stay, and maybe just a little apprehensive considering past events. Funny how that works, he thought. Berry was usually one of the more talkative customers. Rarity would be the number one talker, at least up until he started massaging her flanks, which was when Rarity would lower her head and try to muffle her unladylike moans. Rarity was tough, though; she could take a deep tissue massage and not even wince in pain.

“Hey,” Berry said, her voice secretive and subdued like an underground river. “How’s your client confidentiality program?”

“Rock solid,” Lero said.

“Drat, so I won't get any gossip out of you.”

“Heh, not a chance,” Lero said. He thought she was going to reveal some deep dark secret. I don’t think I’d want to know any of her secrets, he thought.

“You ever get any ponies wanting something a little more than a massage?”

“Occasionally,” Lero said. “I obviously say no.”

“You ever massage wings?”

“One or two,” Lero said. Fluttershy was the only one of his customers whose wings he’d massage and preen on a regular basis. A stallion from Cloudsdale, Red Harvest, would occasionally have awful wing cramps that Lero would massage out. Red Harvest’s cramps were usually so bad that he’d actually rent a balloon to travel to the ground, as he couldn't risk flying.

“No names?” Berry said.

“No names.”

“No fun,” and Berry relaxed into a doze.

“There are no new-types having been seen, your highness,” the pigs said in unison, excitedly dancing as they spoke to their beloved princess. “Only the same feel-things from the Everfree forest. Only the same godling, only the same pink deep well, and only the same princess-thing.”

Standing in the pig pen, her legs dirty up to the knees, Luna smiled at the sty. “Thank you, my dears. Your attention is most appreciated.” Her horn flashed, and their trough filled with fresh potatoes, carrots, corn, tomatoes, and lettuce. The pigs made sure to dance-bow in thanks before digging into their meal. That they ignored their natural instinct to forage, just to thank her, touched her heart.

“What a pile of rubbish!” said a pig with a goat horn and a deer antler on his head, sniffing derisively at the food in the trough. “There’s no oil and vinegar! These potatoes aren’t pomme de frites!” He turned his egg-yolk eyes to his neighbor pigs and huffed. “I declare a strike!”

“Strikings not confirmed by pig-union, godling,” a pig said as he chewed through his words, tomato innards dribbling down his chin. “Meetings on every day seven.”

“Of course,” Discord said as he rolled his eyes. He looked toward where Luna was standing, but she had moved out of the pen and was currently teleporting the filth away from her legs.

“Leaving so soon?” Discord said, as he teleported next to Luna, who only looked forward toward Ponyville proper with what she considered regal quietude, but what Discord felt was bitchy aloofness. “Are you visiting the sheep next? Surely you aren’t showing,” and Discord gasped, “favoritism?”

“I need not explain myself to you,” Luna said. “But if you must know, I am attempting to track something.”

“Something, eh?” Discord said. “Hmm, pigs are natural mediums. Something on an astral plane, perhaps? Something you’d need their help in uncovering?”

Luna spared Discord a glance.

“Oh how delicious!” Discord said, as he changed Luna into a bowl of candied beets with a horn and dark wings. “Now where is that sister of yours?” He shaded his eyes with his hand as he surveyed the land, eyes popping out into telescopes.

“She’s going to visit with Princess Twilight Sparkle at the theatre,” Luna said, as she magically canceled out Discord’s awful notion of deliciousness. “Twilight is the patron of this season’s play. Will you be in attendance on its opening night?”

“A play? Made by ponies? Ugh!” Discord grabbed his throat and retched, puking a rainbow made of different fabrics and fibers colored appropriately for a rainbow, starting from red cotton and yellow wool and ending with purple asbestos (Discord didn’t view indigo or violet as real colors; merely shades that try too hard). The rainbow vomit-fabric formed a bridge, and a miniature black limousine carrying drunken squirrels drove from Discord’s mouth and quickly disappeared into the Everfree forest.

“A pony play?” Discord said, as his vomit somehow remained stable, despite no longer bursting from his mouth. “Full of tedious moral platitudes and saccharine sentimentality? Oh, how could I possibly miss it?” Discord reared up into psychotic laughter as the sky darkened and lightning burst around him.

“Good,” Luna said, as she continued on her path.

Discord stopped laughing long enough to view her retreating form. “A mare of little words and even less fun, that one,” he said, before disappearing.

Berry Punch had left, and Lero waited for his next customer, feeling friendly eagerness and professional trepidation. He had pulled out all the extenders on the massage table, and hoped it would be enough to support her large frame.

“Hello, my dear,” Celestia said, as she entered. Her hair was bubblegum pink, and though Lero appreciated the gesture to his mental health, he wished she wouldn’t do at all. He had long since ceased to be scared of her hair.

After they shared greetings, Celestia removed her regalia, setting it neatly on an empty massage table, and sprawled out on the table Lero had set up for her. Though he had always been aware of her legginess, the point was at the forefront of his thoughts as her hindlegs dangled to the floor. Quite a lanky pony, he thought, as he set to work.

“You're quite tense,” Lero said, working on her neck. “Busy day at the throne?”

“In a way. We've finished the high census for Equestria, but the low census seems to be behind schedule. There are many state level positions that are opening, and they need to be filled soon.”

“I see,” Lero said.

Lero worked down her back, feeling her body tremble under his hands.

“Are you cold, Celestia? You're shaking.”

Celestia turned her head to look at him, displaying a surprisingly sheepish smile. “Forgive me, Lero, but I rarely experience touch from another being. Most ponies are afraid to put a hoof on me. It’s... been a long while. I hope you're not offended by my excitable reaction.”

“Oh, not at all,” Lero said. Been a long while. He frowned in thought as the weight of Celestia’s age and position settled on him. It was hard not to ponder the experience of this pony under his hands now, this powerhouse whose experience and wisdom made him look like a child. Is she lonely? Is she afraid of making close friends, knowing they're going to die long before her?

He thought of Twilight Sparkle, and his heart constricted. His hands faltered.

“Something has upset you,” Celestia said in a soothing voice.

Lero debated sharing his thoughts with Celestia. Despite his initial, terrifying encounter with her, Lero had learned what a kind being and great leader she was. While Lero may have had some culturally ingrained opinions regarding monarchical governments, he couldn't deny that what he learned, both from studying Equestrian history and from his own experiences, was that Celestia was a good pony.

‘You seem like a decent pony’, he thought, remembering what he said when Celestia fixed his fear of her hair. He cringed inwardly. What a thing to say...

“Well, I'm not upset, just wondering,” he said, pushing through his thoughts and rationalizations to take a leap of faith and share his feelings. He took a deep breath. “Celestia, how do you deal with your long life? I know there are great benefits to it, but... I can't help but think of... of Twilight.”

“She has to outlive her friends and family, and her herd.”

“I’m sorry if I’m being too familiar—”

“Never,” Celestia said. “You can always speak your mind to me, my friend.”

My friend, Lero thought. He had to smile at that; Celestia wouldn’t ask ‘can we be friends’, like nearly all of his other pony friends (Dash just became a friend without asking). Celestia just assumed it. That’s the nature of a leader, he thought. He knew that wasn't just an expression or an empty phrase, either. Not with Celestia.

“There’s something I learned a long time ago, that I internalized,” Celestia said. “It doesn’t matter if you have ten years left, or ten thousand years, because we all lose the same thing—the present. The present is the same for everyone, and its loss is the same for everyone. We don't have the past or the future, and you can't lose what you don’t have.”

While Lero was working down her back, toward her flanks, her wings lowered to the floor in her relaxed state. She was no longer trembling.

“This has helped me to continue to make friends when I can. I don’t want to lose the present I have with them, because of fears of the past or future. Have you spoken to Twilight of your concerns?”

“No, not yet,” Lero said. “Maybe I should.”

With an inadvertent gasp as Lero massaged her rump, Celestia said, in a hushed voice, “I’ll let you get into that with Twilight.”

That’s odd phrasing from her, Lero thought, not seeing Celestia’s mischievous smile.

Hours later, Applejack and Big Macintosh walked toward the combination gardening and cooking store to purchase a new saucepan for Granny Smith. While crossing the intersection on the way to the store, Applejack spied Lero, Rainbow Dash, and Lyra further down the street, marching toward the direction of the hospital, the mares hanging off Lero’s every word. She shook her head and smiled in amusement. Ain’t ever gonna see the appeal, she thought.

Applejack turned toward the gardening/cooking store and saw Fluttershy exit from it, her saddlebag holding the handles of what looked like a new pair of shears. Fluttershy awkwardly nodded to Caramel, who was on a ladder straightening the sign of the store, Bowls and Hoes.

Applejack sensed Big Macintosh stir next to her, and she turned to look at his attentive face. She turned back to watch Fluttershy weave through the crowd, a straight view to the finest flanks in Ponyville.

Applejack grinned. Sure, Fluttershy said she wasn't interested in herding, preferring to live alone to dedicate herself to her animals and research, but surely a mare’s got needs, right?

“Like what you see, Big Macintosh?” Applejack said, with a nudge to his ribs.

"Eyup," Big Macintosh said, smiling, winking with his left eye.

At the top of the ladder, Caramel coyly smiled and winked back.

“...and that’s why he wore diapers for the rest of his life!” Pinkie Pie shouted, lifting a giggling Pound Cake in the air. “So why don’t you learn to potty, huh? Don’t be a diaper dummy, be a potty prince!”

“Otay,” Pound Cake said. Pinkie put him on the ground, and watched as he walked to the training potty, pulled down his training pants, squatted over the pot, and attended to business.

“Hooray!” Pinkie said. The chimes on the front door rang; business! Pinkie rocketed to the bar, and delighted at seeing members of her favorite herd-who-are-friends-and-not-parents-or- employers in all Equestria.

“Hi everypony!” She said, waving. “Oops, let me wash my cute little hooves!” She rocketed to the washroom and scoured her forelegs up to the knee before returning to the kitchen. She gasped at Lyra. “Your bandages got removed!”

“That’s right,” she said. Her horn lit as she pulled some bits out of her saddle bag. “I can use magic now.”

“I love magic!” Pinkie said. “It’s so magical!”

Celestia ordered her guards to stay at the doors as she entered the private office of the Ponyville court house. Luna was waiting for her, and greeted her with a spritely smile.

“My, my,” Luna said. “Don’t you look relaxed.”

“Indeed,” Celestia said, her normally benevolent voice now coated with silk. “He is a magnificent masseur.”

“As I said,” Luna said. “Details, please.”

Celestia briefly mentioned her and Lero’s discussion, and Luna burst with laughter when Celestia revealed her unthinking double entendre.

“Oh, ho, ho!” Luna said, holding a wavering hoof in front of her mouth. “I can see it now. ‘Oh dear, why did I say that, blush, titter. How forward, tee hee.’”

Celestia frowned. “That is not how I sound.”

“But of course you’d have to engage in, ahem, cunning plots with Lero,” Luna said, as Celestia despaired at the path this conversation was taking. “Twilight Sparkle, however, requires nothing more than a frontal attack. She adores you, and would readily obey your every whim. Simply give the word, and she would perform any sexual act you wish, no matter how depraved. I shall now list them in detail.”

“Luna, I really don’t want to hear—”

“She would sup at your divine fundament as it vented its honey.”

“Luna, please—”

A knock rang at the heavy door, and a royal guard said, “We have the guest. May she enter?”

“Please show her in,” Celestia said.

The twin doors opened, and Berry Punch sauntered in. The doors shut behind her as she stood, viewing her two sovereigns.

“Sorry, I forgot your wheelchair,” Berry said.

"My... wheelchair?"

"I mean, it wasn't me. I didn't do it."

“What is 'it'?” Luna said.

“What do you got?” Berry said. “I wasn't even there. Oh, pardon me.” Berry bowed low, her eyes closed, and then stood. “Didn't mean to be seditious. That comes when I find the Alicorn Amulet. Whoops, did I say that out loud?”

“Will you be trying our patience throughout this interview?” Luna said, taking a few steps to survey Berry. Luna was more perturbed than angered by Berry’s indifference to her and her sister’s presence. There is something seriously wrong with this mare.

“Uh... no?”

Celestia suddenly laughed. “Now I remember you, Ms. Punch. The False Gin incident.”

“I was really hoping everyone forgot that,” Berry said.

“The False Gin incident?” Luna said.

“Canterlot University, some years ago,” Celestia said. “Someone broke into Professor Star Sparkle’s office, poured out her gin, and replaced it with water. Ms. Punch here was the prime suspect.”

“Well, that’s quite brave,” Luna said. “I know of the Professor’s reputation.”

“I thought the statute of limitations had passed on that,” Berry said. “Not that it matters, what with me being innocent and all. Gin is gross, anyway.”

“We aren't here for that, Ms. Punch,” Celestia said. “I summoned you for a very specific reason. I received your petition.”

Berry’s head jerked back as if she had been slapped. “Really.”

“Yes,” Celestia said, seriousness in her voice. “Luna and I will handle the Runner in the Woods in one week hence, when the moon is full. Luna will be at the height of her power then.”

“You believed me?”

“Of course,” Luna said. “We have dealt with Archons before. More curious to us, however, is this ‘Beavertron’ from which you hail.”

“How so?”

“Beavertron does not exist on any map,” Luna said.

Berry squinted. “Well, it’s a dump of a town—you know, vanishing—but I don’t see why it would get delisted.”

“It’s a deeper problem than that,” Celestia said. “We scoured the archival records for any mention of it, and only found one, an affidavit. Fifty years ago, a vote in that state was taken to incorporate Beavertron. It was defeated 5-4. It’s not supposed to exist.”

“I swear I didn't make it up.”

“I believe you,” Celestia said. “Your letter was postmarked from the Beavertron post office. It would have never arrived if it wasn’t there.”

“Keep in mind that the constable of the post office has no record of Beavertron,” Luna said, “which makes this situation deeply strange. How do you travel there?”

“I take a train to Canterlot, and purchase a ticket to Beavertron.”

“There are no train maps with tracks approaching that area, either,” Luna said. She walked toward Celestia, while still facing Berry Punch. “I sent one of my agents, a pegasus, to the coordinates listed in the affidavit, and he indeed found that town. He was able to purchase a ticket back to Canterlot, and showed us the stub.”

“I would like to call Beavertron the most astounding clerical error in Equestria’s history,” Celestia said. “However, I fear it may be more than that.”

Berry Punch was sitting on her hocks now, staring out of the window toward the general direction of Beavertron, where she imagined the Runner in the Woods looking straight at her, through the trees, through the fields, through these very buildings. Her cutie mark did not throb in recognition, and it never would.

“It’s the Runner’s doing, isn’t it?” Berry said.

“Possibly,” Celestia said. “We’ll find out all, when the moon is full.”

“Thank you, your highness. Highnesses.” Berry bowed again, this time sincere. “I... this means a lot. To her victims.”

Celestia approached Berry, and gently enclosed her with her white wing, pure like a foal’s laughter and soft like a dandelion’s whisper. “I am truly sorry for how you suffered at her hooves,” Celestia said in a low, comforting voice. “It was very brave of you to detail what happened. If there is any possible help I can provide, please do not hesitate to let me know. If you are comfortable approaching Princess Twilight here, I know she will also provide any help she can.”

“Thank you, Princess Celestia,” Berry said.

“-so that it wouldn't work. Berry, you okay?”

“Yeah,” Berry said. She was at Tea Up, on the second floor balcony, sitting with Amethyst Star, and Minuette, who had just asked her the question. Berry wasn’t okay at all, and hadn’t been for a while, but she didn’t feel like going into detail about it.

“You guys check out Honeydew,” Amethyst said, nodding in the direction toward the bazaar. Honeybee was buzzing in the air, animatedly talking to Honeysuckle. Next to Honeysuckle walked Honeydew, face downcast, cheeks gaunt, and eyes glassy.

“Wow, she does look bad,” Minuette said. “I wonder what happened?”

“It’s like she needs to be reupholstered,” Berry said. She turned back around and played with her teacup and saucer, twirling it around.

“Well, she looks bad, for sure,” Amethyst said. “Hey, speaking of bad, are any of you gals going to the play Princess Twilight is working on?”

“I just got unbanned from the theatre, so sure,” Berry said.

“Of course I'm going to Twilight's play!" Minuette said. “Even if it does look super weird. Isn’t it supposed to be based on a human play? One Lero remembered?”

“Yeah, it’s called No Exit,” Amethyst said. “It does sound weird. I think it’s, uh, ponyfied, though.”

“Well, let’s expand our horizons,” Berry said. She took a sip of her tea and sat it down on the saucer, hard, splashing some over the lip of the cup. She looked out over the balcony, into the Ponyville of late afternoon, and saw Lyra and Lero head toward the newly sprouted Ponyville castle. Lyra’s horn lit, and she put an empty box of something from Sugarcube Corner, obvious by its brilliant pinkness and golden cupcake stamp, into her saddle bag.

With a giggle, Minuette hopped from her chair and leaned over the balcony railing. "Hey girl!" She shouted.

Lyra turned, shouted, "Hey girl!" and waved back. She then made eye contact with Berry Punch.

“I’m glad your horn is better,” Berry said.

“She can't hear you,” Amethyst said.

Lyra's horn lit. 'Thank you', Lyra mouthed, Berry able to understand what she was saying. 'I’m glad your neck is better.'

“Thanks,” Berry said. Lyra turned back toward the castle, and Berry looked back at the table, tense and morose.

“Berry,” Minuette said. “You should go home and get some rest.”

“Yeah,” Berry said. But still she sat, slumped, watching the spilled tea stain the white saucer and loop around the circle of her cup.