[My conscience Kill writes in the brackets and bolded]

    <  My conscience Joy writes in these and  Italics>

         { I respond in these}  

   ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five in the fucking morning we were up by the train station and I knew this how? CELESTIA'S DAMN SUN WASN'T EVEN IN THE SKY YET! EVEN SHE WAS SLEEPING!

All the ponies and I were at the train station ready for our departure to PonyVille. I know that I have never mentioned this before but there was a reason why it was called "Equestria High" and not "PonyVille High".... It was a twenty hour trip by train from Trottingham to PonyVille. Yup, that's right.

Anyways, everyone was there, the mane six except for Rarity who was busy on one of her many famous dresses and for Rainbow Dash who chose not to wake up early on a Sunday morning... she had the right idea. The Infamous (Vinyl, Ditzy, Myself, Lyra , Bon Bon and Octavia), my friends who survived countless adventures with me, the new couple Luna and RedCross as well as Mr. Charge.

He was there apparently because we needed some sort of guardian or teacher supervision but I allowed him as well as everyone else to come, I heard some of them even mention that they were from PonyVille and it would be a great thing if they saw their parents as well as to get this AppleBuck Season over with.

AppleJack had said something about her taking approximately two days by herself for half of the field and just a matter over an hour for her friends to help her out, especially a powerful unicorn as Twilight.

"TRAIN'S BOARDING IN TWENTY MINUTES!!" a train pony said.

" C'mon Graze! Let's go!" Ditzy said as she held onto me.

" Just now muffin, we still have twenty minutes," I replied with a smile.

" I really don't want to miss our only way to PonyVille," Octavia said.

" Ah don't worry!" Vinyl said she then looked at RedCross," HEY BRONY! I REALLY LIKE YOUR MANE!"

He looked at her and gave a little nod to say thanks as he realized both of their manes in style were kind of identical.

Lyra shrugged the comment off," Yeah as we were saying, Graze is kinda right we have twenty minutes left!"

" I can't wait to see Mom and Dad," Bon Bon said.

" I can't wait to see The Cakes!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

" Oh ye' we really havta visit Sugar Cube Corner, got some might nice treats ther' " AppleJack said.

While all the mares were talking all the coltss were just amazed how all of them were talking so much and not a peep come from us wanting to be dragged into the conversation as it went on and on.

"ALL ABOARD!!" The train pony said.

The mares continued their walking and talking while the guys walked inside, I was the last with Ditzy until my ears picked up on a certain conversation.

" You sure you will be able to ride with you now coming out of the hospital like that?"

He showed slight discomfort," Ah-ha yea don't worry someone needs to make ends meet."

" You know you don't have to right?"

" I'm fine! Now let's get rolling!"

I began to even worry more about trains at this moment.

" C'mon Graze! Let's go!" Ditzy said playfully.

" I really don't think we should..." I said wryly.

" Don't worry, everything is going to be okay!" She said as if she possibly saw the future knowing what would have been.

I looked up supposedly looking at Celestia as I said," Please, don't fuck this up...."

What a very nice short and subtle prayer.

---------------Seven hours aboard--------------------

We were all separated into different rooms being able to hold six each. Ditzy, Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl and Octavia were in one room. FlutterShy, Twilight, Pinkie Pie and AppleJack were in another while Luna and RedCross had a private room and Mr. Charge was by himself doing Celestia knows what.

Breeze, Shot, Dark, Ice and I were in a room laughing and talking after we had just eaten our lunch.

" Hey, how is PonyVille like anyways?" I asked.

" YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO PONYVILLE?" I heard a few voices ask.

" Born and raised in Manehattan," I said.

" Well it basically ain't as big and fancy as Manehattan but the folks there are the best!" Shot said.

" Well, it's the ponies who make the country now isn't it?" Ice said calmly.

*Whirr-Slam*

The sliding doors of our room opened and a kind voice, probably our hostess mare said," Enjoy your stay sir."

A fancy pony in a white, tight suit walked in with a newspapers and looked at all of us with a creepily weird smile," Buongiorno! (Hello in italian)" He said in fancy.

" Urhmm, sir this cabin is kinda filled," Dark lied.

" Huh? Ahhh si si!" He looked confused and yet answered. He took a seat between Shot and Breeze who were on the left side of the compartment while Ice, Dark and I were on the right.

" You understand a word he said?" I whispered to Ice.

"Nope!"

He squeezed himself between both of them and opened his newspapers in the most obnoxious way, spreading out each page as wildly as it could have gone.

[ Something ain't right with this dude.]

< Yeah, my gay-dar is going off!>

{ You're what?}

< My gay radar which detects strange ponies!>

{ You can't just judge ponies like that }

Everyponies vision had went dark as the train passed through a tunnel.

The light came back after a short ten seconds revealing a very....urhmm.... strange sight. THE STRANGE PONY'S HOOF WAS ON SHOT'S LEG! WHAT THE BUCK!

Dark poked me moving my attention to the uncomfortable sight.

Shot tried moving his leg where he was sitting down as we would in class. This pony's hoof just won't move! It was like some kinda fricking glue!

" PARDON!" Shot said.

" Ohh... ehh...es cusi!" ( Honestly that's what it sounded like.)

He removed his hoof and Shot and Breeze gave each other a look back and forth.... THEY BOTH JUMPED AT THE SAME TIME RUSHING TO MY SIDE!

A little fight and Breeze pushed Shot back to the stranger as he took a seat on our side.

Just silence....

Dark looked at me and pointed to the tunnel," Big tunnel."

" WHAT!!??" I shouted.

Breeze looked at Shot and simply waved a hoof good bye. I waved too just for the fun of it.

-----------------------------------

" HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?" I shouted.

" GET HIM THE FUCK OFF ME!" Shot said.

" HOLD ON A SEC BRO!" Breeze exclaimed.

* POW POW*

" GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING COLT CUDDLER!" I shouted as I threw him out our compartment.

" AND TAKE YOUR CLOTHES TOO!" Dark shouted as he threw his coat and newspapers out as well.

The weird pony walked down to another compartment and dusted himself off carrying his belongings with him," Buongiorno!"

" Wait, What?" A voice sounding like RedCross.

-----------------Eleven hours into the trip------------------

It was now four o' clock in the afternoon as we were now crossing a desert as we had passed Appleloosa a few hours back.

* Screeeeech*

The train was coming to a stop," Hey why are we stopping? PonyVille isn't for another nine hours!" Breeze remarked.

" Hold on a second bro, let's go find out." I said as I began walking the others followed.

Now outside of the train and in the blazing hot desert we met the mares and our other pony friends.

" What's happening?" I asked.

" Somepony's leg broke as he was moving the train with the others, he couldn't keep up as he had an injured leg, lost the momentum and tripped, breaking it again in the act," Twilight said.

" They can't move the entire train with only five of them!" I shouted as I knew something bad was going to happen.

" It's too heavy for only five and they were made for this job, you can't replace him because he is trained so don't even think about it," Octavia said she obviously knew me.

" So what now?" Ditzy asked," We can't move without this train."

" ....and also that pony needs help fast." RedCross said concerned.

" How far is Appleloosa?" I wondered.

" You won't make it by night" A train pony said,'' It's at least ten hours by hoof, three by train."

We were all seriously fucked in this desert and we couldn't even do anything.

" Let's go to Appleloosa and get help for this train pony, BraeBurn and BigMac are already in PonyVille," AppleJack said serious," They can do without us."

" ARE YOU MAD! WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN THIS PLACE!" Breeze shouted.

" It's the only thing we can do SeaBreeze," Charge said acting as our guardian," That pony needs help and we can't stay here and do nothing, you guys survived worse."

I looked at Ice, he wasn't looking so well," Hey, Ice buddy? You okay?"

He wobbled and fainted as the heat overwhelmed him," ICE !! ICE!! REDCROSS COME HERE QUICK!!"

He rushed to my aid," What is it?"

" ICE HAS FAINTED!!"

He kept calm and put his hoof over his head," He is an ice pony, we can't let him stay out in the heat too long, it's either we go to Appleloosa or ....worse"

I looked straight up and began to make orders," GUYS! LET'S MOVE! WE NEED TO GO!"

With my sense of urgency and now seeing Ice's fainted body we needed to make some serious time towards Appleloosa, everyone had understood the seriousness in my voice and nodded beginning to follow the train tracks to our destination.

As I made orders, RedCross stood over Ice and flapped his wings sending some kind of strange aura onto him, I looked at him quizzically," What are you doing? We need to move!"

" Hold on a second, I'm healing him but the heat will get worse so I have to do this to make sure he survives."

I nodded and understood, RedCross placed Ice on his back and we began marching to Appleloosa.

-----------------------------------

We walked for a while longer, it was now six o' clock and the sun began to set. We stopped dead in our tracks. I wanted to go on but Charge mentioned something about the wildlife here being extremely dangerous, we needed to stay together.

We managed to build a fire to ward off any sorts of predators that wanted to get a good meal off.

" Guys hold on a second," Luna said. Her horn was now aglow and she flew towards the sky where the sun had now set. The moon had risen as she escalated the sky. It was quite a task for her as she was panting when she had reached back to the surface with us.

She then painted the night sky with many of her famous stars," Even though I am a student, it is still my duty to raise the moon every night."

"You did a beautiful job of it," RedCross said as he supported her with his body and placed a wing around her. Everyone marvelled at this sight, except for two people, myself and Ice.

I looked over his body, worried and vex at myself. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME ON THIS TRAIN! JUST LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT, NO FUCKING FOOD OR WATER!

I obviously looked different on the outside but my friends read me like a book," Hey Graze... You Okay?" Shot said.

" Yes, now please go."

" Bro, I know you're not.."

" LOOK JUST LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY!" I shouted attracting everyone's attention to the scene.

" Hey Graze! Don't shout at him like that!" Breeze and AppleJack said but in different accents.

" Yeah, they were only trying to help!" Lyra and Bon Bon said side by side.

Dark and Twilight stood quiet looking at me and worried.

" I HAVE EVERY FUCKING RIGHT TO ACT SO! ICE COULD DIE IF WE DON'T MAKE IT! AND WE ARE HERE WASTING OUR FUCKING TIME!"

I was now beginning to scare FlutterShy and Pinkie Pie.

" Look, whatever is on your mind, just tell us," Octavia said calmly.

" Yeah bro, we are here for you," Vinyl said back.

" Look, I need some time alone and if you won't give it too me, I will find some!" I was acting irrationally but I had my reasons, I was going to aplogize to them later but now, I just needed to get a few things off my chest.

I walked passed Cross," Look after Ice while I'm gone." And I just walked silently walking away from the group.

" Is he going to be okay?" Cross asked the group.

" Give him time...  I will check up on him later." Charge said.

-----------------Thirty minutes later------------------

I was crying as I sat on a lone rock in the desert, I wanted to be alone. Showing the others this sign of weakness won't have helped.

" It's not a sign of weakness.... It's a sign of being too strong," a voice sounding like Charge as he walked to me acting very fatherly.... I missed my dad now.

" Stop reading my mind..." I said with a few tears and a small choke on my breath as sadness filled it.

" I don't need to read your mind to understand even though I can, the others can't and you need to give them your reason for acting so, I know already but I will help you out," Charge said.

" Why? Since you know...why?" I asked looking for an answer.

" I shall answer both, number one because I am your teacher and number two....life is unfair to even me.... the others are worried over you Graze... I think it's time you told them..."

He and I both walked in silence as I wiped my tears, I wasn't afraid to cry in front my teacher nor my friends, I was afraid of the reason and why it had to be so.

" Hey guys, look who I found!" Charge announced.

Shot was the first to get up and respond," I'm sorry Graze, I don't know what I did but I'm sorry."

I looked at him," It's my fault.... I'm sorry.... I'm a horrible person to have acted so."

" It's okay bro," was that Ice?! " We all have our times when we lose it."

ICE WAS FEELING BETTER!! " Wha- How? Are you feeling better?"

'' Of course, the desert's coolness brought me to my usual state, I'm feeling way better now!"

I began to cry and wipe a tear, Dark asked," Are you crying? Is everything okay?"

" Just tears of joy."

Charge announced," Hey, you know what? This seems like a perfect time to get to know each other better! Why don't we talk about how we got our cutie marks!"

All the mares were happy at this and Twilight began her speech around the fire that supplied us with warmth," Well one day I was at the Sun Summer Celebration--"

" -- And that's How Equestria Was Made!!" Pinkie ended with all of the Mane six.....  four sharing their cutie mark stories.

" Well my father dragged me to this orchestra one day --" Octavia began.

"-- And that's how I got my cutie mark!" Ditzy Doo said. All of the mares had finished their speeches. Now it was the stallions turns.

Charge stood up, pulled off his usual cape showing a cutie mark with two crossed swords, we all wondered what it really was EVEN DARK DIDN'T KNOW!

He began his story," I was a young one when the great war between the pegasi and the griffins took place.  My father and mother were both warriors, so I wanted to be one as well but all they wanted for me to have a peaceful life of intellectualism."  JUST HOW OLD WAS HE?!

[ ALL THESE CUTIE MARK STORIES GOES TO THE OC'S I LIKED THEM, SO GIVE PROPS TO THEM AND THEIR STORIES!]

"  But one day when I snuck onto the front lines, the Griffins mounted a massive attack and I saw this, my parents death.  At this a darker and separate persona awakened in me and I went into a fit of rage like no other and two eteral swords of my Mother and Father were now in my hooves. I fought with a rage and passion never seen before or since. When it was finally done, the bulk of the griffin army had laid dead around me and the image of the crossed swords lay emblazoned on my flank." WOW...epic story.

He continued," But this was not what I wanted, my parents' only wish was to keep me safe from this type of carnage, so I banished myself to the (at that time significantly smaller) EverFree forrest.  For some reason which I don't know why, I had stopped aging, it was also during my stay there that my other lighter and more joyful persona came about.  When I was confident that no one would remember who I was, I emerged from the Forest and became a teacher so that I could guide the youth of Equestria down a path of knowledge like my parents wanted for me.  To this day I am still ashamed of my cutie mark and that is why I hide it."

" But dad! you shouldn't be ashamed of it... you were only trying to get revenge on your parents!" Dark exclaimed. Wow the blood ran deep within this family with revenge.

" It's okay son, we aren't in a time of war now.... who wants to share their story next?"

CrackShot got up showing us his cutiemark, cross revolvers with a star, it meant great accuracy, without him and that teleportation spell during the fight with Shadow, we would have died," I was young at when I got my cutie mark and some bullies had these toy BB guns trying to attack my friend, I rushed into him, tackling him and levitated the toy gun with my magic, I shot a few rounds with great accuracy giving them warning shots as I protected my friend, they soon ran off before I got this baby right here on my flank!"

" That's mah colt!" AppleJack said proudly of him as she dragged him playfully and hugged him.

"Ahaha Thanks AppleJack!" He said as he hugged her back.

" Cool story bro," SeaBreeze said," But I think it's my turn, I was about five years old when I heard my friends had planned on a hoofball match, I wanted to play so badly so I asked my father if he wanted to play but alas he was kinda tired. But I didn't give up! I begged him with the puppydog pout. He then smiled at me and agreed. We went outside in the field and he wanted to throw me an easy ball, I denied it and told him "Give it your best shot dad!" so with that he threw the ball towards me, I ran quickly and caught the ball perfectly landing and running towards him.... nevertheless I tripped on a rock and fell unconscious for a few seconds.... When I woke up my dad pointed to this cutie mark! A HOOF BALL!"

" Way to go! That was amazing!" FlutterShy said as she supported her coltfriend in her loudest which was very quiet voice.

"It wasn't anything much... I did trip." He admitted.

" But still you caught the ball!" He blushed at this statement.

I was amazed at their stories so far and yet saddened.

Dark Lightning stood up and showed his cutie mark, a bolt of lightning piercing through darkness, pretty epic, he began his story a bit saddened at first but caught himself.

"As a foal,I was always feared by the other children. Everyone ran away from me when I tried to be their friends. That was until one day, I saw a filly crying,when I went to comfort them, they actually didn't run away,no, they actually embraced me. For once in my life, I had a so called friend. After that happened I found out that that person was suicidal. He wanted to end his life but I knew that I couldn't let that happen, I comforted them the best way I could, representing all the wonderous joys of life.

After my small talk with him he was alright and thanked me for hearing him out...for finding the great things in the darkness of situations, he left, but before he did he pointed at my flank and saidd," You've earned that",I saw what he was pointing at and was amazed to see my cutie mark It was so cool that I wanted to celebrate but the next day I learned something that shocked me.....The boy died.

Turns out he had some uncurable disease that not even the finest of Canterlot could heal.

My only friend....dead. After that I formed a structure around myself not trusting anypony, not wanting to feel that pain until I met you Graze," Dark looked at me and smiled and then looked at Twilight," And of course my marefriend!"

" I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Dark," Twilight comforted him.

"It's alright! He is in a better place and I have found newer friends who I can always count on, isn't that right Graze?"

I nodded in silence.

"Well I told you guys before but I'm just gonna say mine again." RedCross said.

"Oh I love this story," Luna said as she wrapped a wing around him.

He began explaining his Cutie Mark Story:

-------------------Flashback-----------------

Red was helping at the clinic his mother worked in, when an emergency call came in from a panicked parent. In a moment, Redcross was out of the door, neglecting to leave a note explaing either where he was going or what the problem was. He spread his wings and, forgot in the heat of the moment what had weighed him down all of the years, the ability of Flight. Faster than he had every flown before,  in fact than a good many Ponies COULD fly. Red Reached his destination in minutes flat, discovering his patient was a young colt.

The foal had a Fractured Leg twisted Unnaturally and bent in the wrong direction. He looked at the leg in shock and dismay. He soon overcame what he had seen , Redcross swiftly and efficiently splinted the Child's leg and, reworking a nearby cloud into a stretcher. Flying back to the hospital in a remarkably short amount of time, he arrived when his mad dash caught up to him and he fell unconscious, the stunned staff swiftly got to work on the foal.

Redcross himself woke up an hour later, on a hospital bed, His mother sitting beside him. Upon noticing his awakening, her Look of worry gave way to one of relief, before swiftly morphing into one of anger

"You IDIOT! What were you DOING? You flew out of here at breakneck speeds, you tell no-one where you're going, and you crash back in here! Interrupting EVERYONE! Carrying an Injured foal as well! You’re lucky no major surgeries were going on, or the death of somepony might've been on YOUR HOOVES!"

His mother's rant abated and she panted for breath slightly, as every head in the Clinic was turned to hers. Her expression turned into a strange mixture of Pride and relief "but still, I'm glad you got over your fear of flying, at the very least….. and the little Foal you brought in? He’s doing fine, you did a good job, Cross." She turned away and proceeded back to her station .

"Oh, and Cross? You have something on your flank" As she walked away, Red looked at his new cutiemark in shock. The bright Red Cross on his flank seemed to smile up at him.

-------------------End of Flashback-----------------

We all were amazed at how he got over his fear and how he saved a life, without him and that ever happening....Ice could have been.... FORGET ABOUT THAT! HE IS HERE AND THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS!!

Ice now stood up and began,"  It was a day like any other in my house, mom was cooking dinner and dad had just gotten home from work.

“Hi honey!! I’m home” his dad said as he opened the door and walked in to kiss her “I thought you worked the nightshift!” She said shocked as she continued cooking.

“Are you kicking me out?” he said with a joke.

"No, just curious” she giggled

“Well, if you must know, I got a promotion” he said with a grin as she dropped her spatula and turned around “Yes! I’m finally the manager of the el-“ he instinctively whipped his head to the little boy who was running down the stairs to meet his dad.

“DAD!” the boy exclaimed as he ran to his father’s embrace “And how’s my little po- damn boy, you are cold!” the father said.

“What are you talking about? WOW!” She exclaimed as she reached over the counter to touch the boys forehead.

“We're going to have to call you Ice from now on” his dad joked.

“This is no laughing matter! We need to get him to the doctor!” she exclaimed cleaning up the kitchen equipment

“NO, I hate the doctor. He stabbed me with his needles last time I went there” the boy said

“No,!you’re going, end of story” she said with a little frustration In her voice.

“NO, NO, NO” the colt said throwing a tantrum.

“Odd,did it get colder in here or is it jus-“ his dad had stopped speaking as he wasn't even moving.

“DADDY!!” the boy was met by the frozen statue of his father slowly cracking into pieces, his mom had met the same fate… running out of the door he alone wandered the streets, the last and only memory of his parents was his dad saying “We're going to have to call you Ice from now on”… the pain didn’t let him remember anything else, and he didn’t want to…

Ice could only whimper and morn over death that happened years ago, he had felt loneliness and sadness before, but not like this… he had killed the only people that ever actually made him happy…

----------------End of FlashBack---------------

I looked at him, breathing in and slowly breathing out," That's why you don't like people coming close to you?"

He nodded. I looked at him and acted on instinct, I bro hugged him showing that he had nothing to fear, that no one else needed to.

He looked at me shaken at this moment, he too was crying.

Pinkie ran towards him crying as she hugged her coltfriend comforting him.

I let the couple be and everyone watched them as they were not meant to be disturbed until they said so.

After a full minute of crying, they wiped their tears.

After the moment was gone, Dark said," Hey Graze it's your turn! Actually in fact, I've never seen your cutie mark, you always wear that outfit."

" Actually I forgot how it looks!" " I never saw it!"  " Show us!" " I can't remember"  " uhmm...if it's okay with you" " I BET IT'S SOMETHING SUPER DUPERY!"  " well what ya waiting on sugarcube?"

Those were some of the many collected comments I heard.

I gave out a heavy sigh," You guys remember the first day I came to this school, I told you that my cutie mark allows me to see the good and bad in people?"

[ You sure you want to do this]

< I mean you don't have to>

{ I need to}

"Yes!" Most of them answered.

I took of my cape and showed them the cutie mark, the two separate cutie marks, the one with the angel wing and the one with the dark wing.

They all looked at it again amazed at how I had two.

" I lied to all of you, I'm sorry but I wasn't privileged as all of you.... to have a special talent.... I have none whatsoever..... I never had the joy of finding out who I was or what I wanted to become.... I don't have a cutie mark, I didn't earn it.... I was born with it..... I never had a choice to know who I wanted to become and with this I don't even know who I am." I was holding back a few tears reliving some memories. I needed to explain everything but how can someone who is lost guide others?

" Please Graze... tell us more.... why did you have to lie?" Ditzy said.

" I only lied because I don't want to relive what happened....."

Everyone looked at me in shock, Dark asked concerned," ....Please... go on.."

" Fine..... I guess it all started when I was now born...." Next Chapter: Kill and Joy : Secrets Revealed Estimated time remaining: 13 Hours, 49 Minutes