Twilight Sparkle had never felt so reluctant to speak in front of so many ponies.

Most of them weren’t ponies of course. Queen Chrysalis had ordered her changelings to transform into ponies for effect, and thus Twilight was treated to more than one-hundred eyes staring at her, judging her, and expecting her to perform.

It hardly mattered. The only pony whose eyes she really saw were Princess Celestia’s.

With the recreation center ruined, Twilight had chosen a gentle incline outside where her audience could gather on the grass. The early sun rose at her back, and her preparations had all been abandoned. Trotting as slowly as she dared, Twilight climbed the hill to stand before the crowd.

Twilight fumbled briefly with her notes before discarding them and clearing her throat.

“I thought I was going to treat you all to a two hour seminar on how magical forces, such as the Elements of Harmony, are blind to the various mental characteristics of their wielders.” She chuckled nervously. “But since most of you aren’t science ponies, I wouldn’t want to bore you. Unless you’d prefer...?”

She let her sentence hang as a question, and received only dead silence in response. Frantically she looked to the princess, who raised a hoof and beckoned for her to continue.

She did.

“Then I thought I could use tonight’s events as evidence to support the theory that the Elements do not in fact rely on any heteronormal quality in their users, given that I know for a fact that many of the ponies who did successfully use it are bisexual or lesbian... such as... m-myself.”

She stopped then, thinking she had said all she needed to say. Bracing herself for an explosion of outrage, yet hoping for any obscure sign of approval she could divine from Celestia, she looked at her mentor again.

Celestia’s face was fully attentive but otherwise blank. Twilight could learn nothing from it.

Eventually she forced herself to make eye contact with others in the crowd. “But that... that wouldn’t do either. Even if I’m not speaking to science ponies, I am still a student of magic. And one of the first things I learned is that an isolated event does not imply a trend. So just recounting what happened on one night wouldn’t do either.”

In the crowd, she found her friends. Rainbow Dash looked bored. Pinkie was losing a race with her own tail. Rarity met her eyes and gave her an encouraging smile.

She saw Applejack, who had lost so much, and Fluttershy, who was so much braver than she.

When Twilight spoke again, she felt no fear.

“The only thing that needs to be said is this: My friends are five of the most special ponies I’ve ever known. Everything I have now, I owe to them, and they’ve never asked for anything in return. I wouldn’t change anything about them. And I won’t let anyone else do it either.”

She held her head up high and took a deep breath to banish the terror that threatened to resurface. “There is no purpose for anypony to be here. You can all go home now.”

The entire forest stilled. Silence dominated the air, except for Pinkie Pie who imitated the sound of a cricket chirping.

Princess Celestia’s hooves clopped against the ground as she climbed Twilight’s hill. Each impact with the earth drowned out the sound of Twilight’s pounding heart.

Twilight stepped back to give the princess room, as she addressed the crowd.

“Twilight is absolutely right,” Celestia said, the hint of a grin appearing on her cheeks. “Whatever was I thinking, ponynapping everyone like that? I suppose I’ve been a very silly princess! Teehee!”

And with that, the crowd burst into laughter, even the changelings, who looked like they didn’t quite understand the joke.

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “H-hey wait!” she said, waving her hooves in front of the crowd. All that earned her was more laughter.

“No, you don’t understand, this is very serious!”

“Twilight...” said Applejack, coming down from her guffaws. “That’s just the thing. None of this is  serious. Now ah would have liked it better if we hadn’t taken three days and nights to get to the punchline, but since it is our princess, ah reckon she can have a little leeway there.”

“Hold it,” said Fancypants, looking up at Iron Will. “What was the point of all this anyway?”

Iron Will folded his arms, looking over the stallions in his group. “It’s very simple,” he explained. “Your princess came to Iron Will with a story about a bunch of stallions surrounded by some very special mares. Having all those girls around made these guys into some great ponies, but she was worried that they never really had any time to hang out, let loose, and do a bunch of guy stuff. And so Iron Will was given an immense pouch filled with bits, and a solemn mission he vowed to complete.”

Soarin raised a brow. “So it was all for money?”

Iron Will’s eyes widened. “No! Well... sort of, but Iron Will really did enjoy hanging out with you guys. Maybe we could get together again sometime?”

“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh.

“Could probably clear my schedule,” said Shining Armor.

Iron Will let out a sigh of relief. “Good. Iron Will values his heterosexual friends.”

Shining Armor raised a brow.

“You’re alright too Armor.”

Fist and hoof bumped gently together.

“THY TRAIN IS JUST A HIKE AWAY,” said Luna, also stepping up the hill and pointing east with a hoof. “OR FOR THOSE WHO PREFER NOT TO WALK, WE SHALL SUMMON ROYAL CHARIOTS.”

Twilight’s friends began to leave as individuals. Fluttershy crept away from the crowd and was soon lost, while a determined Rainbow Dash left to track her down. Applejack and Rarity were doing everything in their power to avoid looking at each other, and soon only Pinkie was left.

“Aren’t you coming, Twilight?” asked Pinkie when Twilight didn’t follow.

“I’ll catch up with you girls later,” said Twilight hastily.

The changelings reverted to their natural forms and took to the air, except for Queen Chrysalis, who remained grounded and left with Iron Will.

Soon only Twilight and the two princesses remained, along with Spike.

Spike waddled up the hill. “Twilight, am I am homosexual?”

Twilight felt her heart racing as she hesitantly opened her mouth, but Princess Celestia cut in before she could speak.

“Of course not Spike, you are a dragon.”

“Oh. Well yeah, I knew that.” Spike left with a grin on his face, and Twilight breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Sister.”

“Go on Luna,” said Celestia, giving her counterpart a nuzzle. “Go to her. Just remember, if you truly want her, you will need to make sacrifices.”

Luna nodded, and took to the air like a shadow.

Twilight sat down. “It’s just me and you now.”

Celestia sat beside her, and lifted her wing. Twilight had long since become familiar with its downy feel across her back.

After a moment of hesitation, the wing returned untouched to Celestia’s side.

“About what I said... you’re not upset that I went against you, are you?”

“No Twilight, I’m not.”

“And you know... even though it’s simplest just to say I’m a lesbian, I don’t really consider myself one. There’s only one mare I’ve ever had romantic feelings toward. And that is... you. I know that you love me like a student... maybe even a daughter, and I wish I could just feel the same way... but I don’t. There’s just no other pony I’ve felt so much joy just learning with. I want... I want to be with you.”

“Yes Twilight,” said Celestia gently. “I know how you feel.”

“You... you knew?!” Twilight tried to continue but felt as though she couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t understand, Princess,” said Twilight at last. “Why did you put all of us through that? You knew that the reasons you gave for bringing us here were wrong. Somepony who knows as much about magic as you would have to. Was it really all a big joke like Applejack said?”

“The short story is yes. It was all a joke Twilight.”

Twilight nodded shakily. “And the long story?”

“Well to start, I feel the same way. Not for nearly as long as you have, but long enough. But deep down in my heart, I knew I could not be sure if your love was for me, or just for the pony you imagined me to be. I couldn’t pursue you without dispelling that doubt.”

“I have to admit Princess, I’ve never seen that side of you before.”

“You’ve seen the palace Celestia. The Celestia who addresses crowds, and must be brave and wise and pretty. More than that, you’ve been brought up among the palace ponies. There is this belief amongst them, that over the years I’ve simply been forced to allow them to keep. The belief that I am perfect and can make no error. I can accept that belief in my subjects. But not in my lover.”

“Couldn’t you have just... told me that you like to play jokes?”

“Twilight, I tried. I set you aside and I listed for you every activity that I have done in my spare time for the last six months.”

“What? I don’t remember that...”

“You wouldn’t, because as soon I was done you used a memory-erase spell to wipe the meeting from your head.”

Twilight jumped to her feet. “But I don’t even know a memory-erase spell!”

“Well, that incident made me decide you weren’t ready to use memory-erase spells responsibly, so I used a memory-erase spell to remove your memory of me teaching you memory-erase spells.”

“Oh. So you did this just to show me that you’re not perfect?”

“I needed you to do exactly what you did. I needed you to stand up in front of a group of ponies and tell them that I was wrong.”

Twilight looked down. “I’ve been avoiding the most important issue here.”

Celestia bowed her head briefly. “Go on.”

“If this was all about me and you, then why did you bring my friends into it?”

Celestia stared up at the blue sky. “In the end, we know if we did right or wrong by the results of our actions. Your question is my question as well Twilight. I need to see the results.”

Princess Celestia’s horn began to glow, and her power took the form of a glowing screen. Twilight began to make out an image of Fluttershy.

“Shall we watch together, my faithful student?”

*****

“Hey ‘Shy! Wait up!”

Rainbow Dash needn’t have made the request. Plodding along like an earth pony, Fluttershy had no hope of outpacing her fellow pegasus.

Fluttershy stopped walking and turned to Rainbow with a quiet smile.

“Hello Rainbow Dash. Did you want to walk with me?”

“Wanted to talk with you.”

Fluttershy nodded. “I’m glad. I need to talk with you too Rainbow.”

“Yeah well, me first. Turns out I’m straight.”

Fluttershy leaned forward to hear better. “Hmm? Excuse me?”

“I’m straight Fluttershy. I like stallions. Guys. I want to be their girlfriend or whatever.”

Fluttershy burst into tears.

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. The only pony that she would agree to sit through a butterfly migration with was miserable, and the pegasus had no idea how to respond.

“‘Shy!” Rainbow Dash said desperately. “Please don’t cry! It’s not your fault I swear! Someponies are just wired differently, no one can change it!”

Fluttershy tried to respond but could force no coherence through her bawling, and Rainbow Dash finally had no other option but to take her friend in her arms and cuddle her.

Eventually Fluttershy reclaimed her voice. “Oh Rainbow I’m... I’m... I’m not crying... because... of what you... think. I’m just... such a terrible friend... to you...”

Rainbow Dash laid her head on top of Fluttershy’s. “Don’t say that ‘Shy. I’ve never had a better friend than you.”

“You don’t... you don’t... understand.” Fluttershy swallowed and raised her eyes up to stare at Rainbow Dash. “I think a part of me always knew you were straight, but I never said anything. Back in college... the other students... oh Rainbow, they were so horrible to you! They spread all those rumors about the mares you slept with, and came up with whatever wild stories crossed their mind. I... I knew that I was supposed to say something, and stop them. But I never stood up for you. I was just... too shy! I hate myself for being so shy! So I just stood there and listened to them talk... and one day I guess I started believing their stories .”

Rainbow Dash fondled her friend’s mane. A part of her knew how uncool she must look right now, but she didn’t mind. It helped that nopony else could see.

“Shy. Why are you putting all this on yourself? I’m the one they were targeting. I should have stopped them myself. But I believed their stories too! It’s kind of funny when you think about it.”

Fluttershy giggled, but tears anew streamed down her face. “Rainbow... whenever anypony caused a problem for me, you never let them get away with it. Not even once. I just wish that... I could have done that for you once, when you needed me to.”

Rainbow nodded. “I know. But it’s okay that you didn’t. Just being who you are... that’s enough to make me want to be your friend.”

“Really?”

Rainbow untangled herself from Fluttershy and put her hooves on her shoulders. “Of course! I think you’re amazing. And umm... you didn’t let me finish. Sheesh, me being straight wasn’t even the important part!”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, please continue.”

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and took a deep breath, steeling herself. “When I discovered myself last night, it made me realize something. Fluttershy, I’ve been a terrible marefriend to you. And it’s not because I like guys. It’s because I wasn’t focusing on the important part. I got together with you because I figured I was a lesbian and I should have a girlfriend. But I should have gotten together with you... because I care about you.”

Fluttershy’s eyes bulged open. “Rainbow?”

“I do. Maybe I’ll never understand it, maybe I’ll never know if I can ‘lean that way,’ but Fluttershy... I’m sorry I treated you so badly. For these last two months, I wasn’t even worthy of being called your friend. But... if you can forgive me... and you want to try again... I think it could actually work.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes and, when she opened them again, she was smiling.

“Rainbow Dash, there’s something you need to know.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m asexual.”

“... Are you coming on to me?”

Fluttershy giggled. “No Rainbow. Asexual. One word. Even though I’m attracted to mares and stallions, I don’t want a romantic relationship. I have my animals to take care of, my friends to love, and a gigantic library of pornography in my basement. And that’s all I’ll ever need.”

“Fluttershy... I never...”

“I didn’t mean to hide it from anypony, it just never came up.”

“Then... why did you agree in the first place?”

Fluttershy looked down. “I just thought... that since I would never have a special somepony anyway, it would be worth it to make you happy. It was a terrible decision. Not because it put me in a relationship with you that I didn’t want, but because it made you more miserable than I’ve ever seen you in my life. Don’t make that mistake Rainbow Dash. Don’t try to do something just because you think you need to make me happy. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. If I can have that, then I promise that I’ll be happy too.”

Unable to stop herself, Rainbow Dash leaned forward and kissed Fluttershy fully on the lips. Fluttershy leaned forward and returned the kiss, with no hesitation, and with just as much chastity as Rainbow had intended.

“I love ya ‘Shy,” Rainbow Dash murmured as she pulled away.

*****

“Ya wanted to talk?”

Applejack sat off the side of the path, giving Rarity her full attention. The breeze picked up strands of her blond that crept out from beneath her hat, blowing across her eyes.

Rarity did not in fact want to talk. At that very moment, she wanted to catch her train and forget that she had ever considered herself worthy of this mare.

“It’s alright Rare,” said Applejack gently. “Whatever you got to say, I’ll listen.”

Sitting on her hindquarters, Rarity couldn’t meet her friends gaze.

“I’m going to Canterlot,” she said at last.

Applejack’s face was a blank. “You usually don’t make that trip for another two weeks.”

“I mean for good, Applejack. I’m going to set up a larger shop to expand my business. I’d like to set up a summer home there for vacations, and leave an apprentice to take over things while I’m in Ponyville for the other three seasons but... it could be a while before I get there.”

Applejack nodded solemnly. “It’ll be hard work.”

“I... I want you there with me.”

“Yeah, I s’pose you do. Can’t do it though.”

Rarity bit her lip. The torment the Element of Magic had torn her through was nothing compared to heartbreak. And even so, she had expected it to be so much worse than it was.

“I... I suppose I knew you were going to say that. I... I can’t believe the way I used to think about you. I wanted to polish you up and wipe the dirt from your face. But that’s Sweet Apple Acre’s dirt. It’s just as much a part of you as anything else.”

Applejack tenderly put a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder. The unicorn went stiff, but when Applejack threatened to take the hoof away, she held it there simply by staring into the other mare’s eyes.

“Rare,” said Applejack quietly. “You got to understand, I’d really, really like to. Mostly because all I’ve done so far is treat you wrong. And I wish I had a chance to start over and treat ya right. But...”

“Your family. They’re more important.”

“No.”

Rarity blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Rarity, you’re family too. Blood’s one thing, but after what we’ve been through together... that’s just as strong.”

“Then why won’t you just... be with me?”

“There is one difference: Granny, ‘Bloom, even Mac. They all need me. You don’t. I know that in Canterlot, or wherever else in Equestria, you’re gonna be just fine. You’re talented, brilliant, determined. And you’re even gonna find that special somepony that’ll put a smile on yer face every day for the rest of your life. Even... even if it isn’t gonna be me.”

Rarity felt her eyes grow wet and blinked. “You could... ask me to stay.”

“What would happen if ya did stay? You’d just end up regretting it. Yer shop in Ponyville’s fine, but it’s not what you want it to be. Yer life isn’t what you want it to be. Would you move in with me and be a farmer?”

Rarity tittered. She couldn’t help herself.

“Exactly,” said Applejack, and it was settled.

“I’ll... I’ll always wonder what might have been.”

“Me too. But what I’ve got right now is more than enough. I got a friend as passionate and driven as I am. And whenever I want to visit her, she’ll just be a train ride away.”

*****

“We have found you Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie Pie blinked up from her seat at the train station and smiled at the midnight princess. “Were we playing hide and seek?”

“No.”

“Because if we were, you’ve got to count to one-hundred and give me warning! And Twilight says I have to hide within the bounds of space-time, otherwise it’s cheating. I don’t see why they don’t just look for me there, since they know where I’m going to be hiding. But the point is, I can’t play right now, I’m waiting for my friends.”

“May I wait with you, Pinkie?”

“Sure!” Pinkie gestured to a perfectly reasonable spot on the bench much smaller than the princess. For whatever reason, Luna chose the floor of the boarding ramp instead.

“I think I’ve got things squared away with almost everypony,” said Pinkie softly. “But I never got a chance to apologize to Applejack.”

“Apologize for what?”

“I thought relationships were just a game. But they’re important, Princess Luna. I think they’re almost important as friendships. And the scary thing is, there’s a bunch of rules you’ve got to follow, and no one tells you what they are!”

“That... that is a very apt summary, actually.”

“I upset her because I broke the rules. I haven’t really figured out what the problem is yet. I just know... I’ve got a lot of learning to do.”

“Pinkie... there’s something I must tell you.”

Pinkie looked up at her, serious and attentive. Luna swallowed as their eyes met.

“You have wonderful friends, Pinkie Pie. They will help you through this. I know it.”

Pinkie felt herself grinning. “You know what, I think you’re right!”

Luna nodded. “Good. I am... glad we had this talk.”

“And I’ve got you too, Lunie!”

Princess Luna gasped. “L-lunie?!”

“Sure! I’ve hardly seen you at all since you ponied up and stopped being that Black Snootie! But we’ve finally got a chance to get to know each other and be friends! Do you want to come to my birthday party? And Gummy’s birthday party? And Gummy’s after-birthday party? And do you want to stand in Fluttershy’s cottage with the lights out on her birthday, and when she comes home late at night shout ‘surprise’ in your loudest voice? And then afterwards, if she winds up in the emergency room for some reason, we can all go visit her and take pictures around her while she’s sleeping! I’ve always wanted to throw a surprise party for her!”

Luna took a deep breath. “We will put in certain appearances when our schedule allows.”

“Great! We’re going to have so much fun, just wait!”

Pinkie had begun bouncing before she even realized it. Dimly she became aware of Luna looking past her.

“Applejack has arrived. You wished to speak with her, yes?”

Spinning around, Pinkie saw that Applejack had indeed climbed atop the platform. With a blur of speed she interposed herself before the farmer and screeched to a halt.

Applejack smiled wanly, looking distracted. “Heya Pinkie. Gonna be ridin’ back with me?”

“Yeah! But I needed to catch you alone first.”

“For what?”

“About last night..”

Applejack took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. So much went on that it seems like ages ago. Hey Pinkie...”

“I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I thought I could just be everyponies marefriend and it would be fun but I was wrong and it hurt your feelings and I don’t know how to make it better but—”

“Stop right there, Pinkie.”

Pinkie stopped.

Applejack chuckled. “I was just about to apologize to you, you know? The fact is that feelin’s were running high and the way I reacted was just way too overblown. Maybe some other pony would have deserved a tellin’ out for that, but you? You’re wild and free and I never know what to expect from you. And I value that. When I’m pushin’ through the same repetitive chores yet again, sometimes yer the only thing that can really brighten up my day. And you did make the wrong call this time, but every other time you’ve been wacky and spontaneous, the only thing that’s resulted from it is fun. I don’t want you to even think about changin’.”

“That’s great!” Pinkie cried, scooping Applejack up and squeezing her as hard as she could. “Because I wasn’t thinking about changing either! After all I don’t have that kind of power, since I’m not a changeling. But maybe I’ll ask the princess about it next time she recharges me, because it sounds like it could be fun.”

Applejack squirmed out of Pinkie’s iron embrace and gently pushed her away, wheezing. “Easy there cowgirl,” she said hoarsely. “I do need to breathe. Now what was that about the... ya know what, forget it. I was just thinkin’ we haven’t had any quality time together for a while. Now, given that we all missed out on sleep last night, except for that period where we were all unconscious, why don’t you come over to my place for a midday sleepover. When you wake up, there’ll be a home cooked meal waitin’ for ya.”

“Wow!” said Pinkie, so excited she didn’t even think she wanted to sleep. “That’d be great!”

“C...can I come too? I mean... only if you have room for another guest.”

Pinkie turned to the sound of Fluttershy’s voice, and saw the pegasus right behind her. The earth pony immediately dove in to nuzzle her friend’s nose.

“Sure, why not?” said Applejack, throwing her forearms around both Pinkie and Fluttershy. “These are gonna be the best years of our lives girls. It’s time to start livin’ them.”

“You betcha!” cried Pinkie. “Hey, can Luna sleep over too?”

But when she looked around the platform for the princess, Luna was gone.

“—And we’ll put my face on the posters and billboards,” said Iron Will as he stepped up the platform.

Queen Chrysalis followed him, listening raptly. “Shouldn’t we use pictures of changelings for advertisements?” she asked.

Iron Will looked Chrysalis over and shook his head firmly. “Trust me,” he said tapping his cheek. “This face? Sells products.”

“I can see why,” breathed Chrysalis, coiling her lithe form around the minotaur.

Iron Will stepped back. “Listen,” he said with a frown. “I didn’t want to offend you, but I do want to keep our relationship professional. I like guys after all.”

Chrysalis blinked. “You like guys, huh?”

“Well yeah.”

The changeling smiled. “Then you’re going to love me.”

Iron Will raised a brow, but now looked more intrigued than reluctant, and when Chrysalis nuzzled up against him, he wrapped a burly arm across her back.

*****

“You know...” said Twilight as the viewing came to a halt. “I had some pretty strong hints that everything wasn’t alright over the last couple days. But I’m just so shocked... at how bad it was... but even more, how long it went on without me even noticing.”

Celestia met Twilight’s eyes with a wry smile. “Perhaps you were distracted by a certain white-coated royal?”

Twilight ducked her head. “So you really did know all along.”

“And maybe now you see what I intended with all of this? Twilight, the Elements were fracturing. I had to act.”

“I see that now but... Princess. Setting up this elaborate scenario and then just... making fun of it. Was that really the best way to help us through our relationship issues?”

“Of course it wasn’t, Twilight Sparkle,” said Celestia, looking away with a timidity that Twilight had never before seen. “It was just the funniest way.”

“What?!”

“It all started when I was speaking with my little sister about how to bring you around. We quickly decided we would need something patently ridiculous to catch your attention. We amused each other, thinking of the strangest and most humorous things imaginable, and then... well I took the most ridiculous idea we had, and—”

“Straight Camp?”

“No Twilight. It still wasn’t ridiculous enough. I took that idea, and used my powerful princess magic to make it even more ridiculous! The spell erased the original idea from my head, leaving something so absurd that it would have taken a group of foolish and dim-witted ape-people to even begin to think it was serious!”

“Wow...”

“Come to think of it, I’m probably being too hard on hypothetical, barely-sentient ape creatures. Surely even they wouldn’t have thought this a sound idea.”

Twilight stood up, feeling her muscles tense. She stared at the princess straight in the eye. “And yet you went ahead with it.”

Celestia wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Twilight... I think I did realize that I would be going too far. But... it didn’t really matter. The truth about me is, when I’m pranking ponies, I’m never able to restrain myself. I’ve learned many things in my thousands of years, but never, ever, have I learned when to quit.”

“And this time, my friends got caught in the crossfire!” growled Twilight, stalking around her mentor.

Celestia pawed glumly at the ground. “Yes Twilight, I suppose they did.”

“You call my friends fags, you abduct them from their homes and jobs, you spend days taunting them with absurd nonsense, and now here you stand, confessing your love to me like none of that happened!”

“Twilight, I—”

“I’m not done yet!” cried Twilight. “I haven’t even gotten to the worst part.” She stalked up to Celestia, her snout inches away. “Do you know what the worst part is?” she spat.

Celestia closed her eyes as tears formed on the lenses. “I suppose I’m about to find out,” she said quietly.

“I am SO bucking attracted to you right now.”

In Twilight’s mind, she seized Princess Celestia with unrestrained passion and locked their lips together.

In reality, she tried this. She really honestly tried. But as their faces grew closer and closer, she couldn’t stop from thinking that this was the princess that she was about to kiss, and she hadn’t even asked permission, and as one, her brain froze as her body locked up.

Celestia stared expectantly at her.

“I’m umm... gonna... k-kiss you now, isthatokay?” Staring at the ground, Twilight felt her face turn to flame.

A hoof lifted her chin until her eyes were once more level with Celestia’s. Her mentor’s eyes were still misty but her smile was kinder than it had ever been.

Their lips met. She tried to bring back the anger she felt, but Princess Celestia’s passion was like a tidal wave. The force resisting her assault carved away her wrath, leaving a gentle nuzzle as blissful as the evening tide.

Twilight pulled away, her eyes misting as she stared up at the pony she loved. “It’s true then,” she breathed. “You really do feel the same way.”

Celestia smiled gently. “Was there ever any doubt?”

“I... I never really thought I’d be so lucky. Princess... I mean... Celestia. I really am angry about what you did but... I can forgive you. Everything turned out alright, didn’t it?” Twilight chuckled. “And if I’m being honest it was... actually pretty funny.”

Celestia’s smile widened. “You think so?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Yes. Never do it again.”

“Deal.”

“I see now that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did but... that just makes me want to be closer to you. I want to be with you. I want to understand you better.” Twilight’s enthusiasm flowed over. “I want to know everything about you, Princess!”

Celestia laughed and unfurled her wing to pull Twilight in. “Oh Twilight. No, you really don’t.”

“Almost everything?” asked Twilight hopefully.

“We’ll see.”

“How about I start with just one question. When did you first decide that you loved me?”

Celestia tilted her head. “You don’t know, Twilight Sparkle? Long ago, I lost something more precious to me than anything the world. And then my student, without being asked, without requesting anything in return, and without even any real hope of success, returned it to me. When Luna returned to my side, what else could I do but fall in love with you?”

*****

“You don’t really have to escort me all the way to Ponyville your majesty,” said Rarity, as she sat atop the cloud drifiting lazily toward their destination. “I would have been fine on the train.”

High above the earth, they could still see the fading moon and stars amidst the early morning sunrise.

Luna’s cloud-walking spell held her unicorn companion aloft.

“Your condition is still delicate, fair Rarity. I would continue to monitor you, for a little while at least. Besides, I will not have you forget our pact.”

“Of course. We’ve both done it, correct?”

“Shall I go first?” asked Luna to Rarity.

“I think I’d like to,” said Rarity after she had time to think.

Luna waited and gave her friend her full attention.

“She said... IT’S NOT YOU IT’S ME!”

Luna draped a wing around her and gave her the chance to calm down.

“So that line is still in use,” said Luna softly. “I’m sorry things didn’t go as you had hoped.”

Awkwardly, Luna prepared to remove her wing from Rarity, but at that moment the unicorn rested her head against Luna’s shoulder, stopping her.

“What about you?” murmured Rarity. “Surely proposing to Pinkie was as easy as... pie.”

“It would have been, I think,” admitted Luna. “But I have abandoned my quest. She understands so little, and yet strives for so much. To burden her with my foalish crush... would not be fair.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes. I think I only saw in her what I wanted to. I should know better.”

“I should know better too! I just keep thinking about that conversation with you yesterday... and how stupid I must have sounded during it. What did I say? Take somepony who is kind and strong, and polish away the rough edges? All I did was try to turn her into something she wasn’t.”

Luna leaned in to Rarity’s ear. “Don’t call yourself stupid.”

“Oh... okay.”

“I think perhaps pressure clouded my judgement, fair Rarity. The Hearts and Hooves Day Royal Dance in Canterlot is coming up in a month, and big sister has been very insistent that I arrive with escort.”

“Surely finding one wouldn’t be difficult for you.”

“Oh no, that would be trivial. But... Rarity.” Luna pulled away and turned to face the smaller pony. “Surely one of your beauty understands that even when you always have numerous options, you may still lack the one you want.”

Rarity inclined her head. “Of course.”

“With that in mind, I would request your presence by my side for the dance.”

Rarity’s eyes widened. “Oh your majesty, I absolutely love such events! But... I wouldn’t want to give anypony the wrong idea about us.”

Luna felt her face flushing and looked away. “No. I would rather hope instead they were given the right one.”

Luna felt a hoof over her own.

“So... you felt that too,” whispered Rarity.

“Was there ever any doubt? Rarity, after seeing your drive and selflessness... I think it made me fall in love.”

“Me? Luna, the way you stood by my side even though you didn’t agree with me, the way you kept me awake, kept me from breaking I... how did you...”

“I had an incredible pony to motivate me.”

“If you want me to say I’m over her... that I’m not still in pain... I can’t. But my decision’s been made. I want to move on. And I think I can find a story where I get a happy ending. I’ll do it. I’ll accompany you, Luna.”

Luna nodded solemnly and then cleared her throat. “THEN ALLOW US TO OFFICIALLY DECLARE OUR ROMANTIC INTEREST IN YOU. WE WILL SEND A MISSIVE TO YOUR PARENTS SEEKING THEIR APPROVAL, AND HENCEFORTH WE SHALL NOT APPEAR IN PUBLIC TOGETHER WITHOUT MUTUALLY AGREED UPON ESCORTS TO ENSURE OUR RESPECTIVE PURITIES.”

The Royal Canterlot Voice nearly knocked Rarity off the edge of the cloud. She scrambled to regain her purchase and flashed Luna a sheepish smile.

“The sentiment is sweet, darling, but just a tad archaic perhaps?”

Rarity sat directly before Luna, looking up expectantly.

“Of course, you went over this with me.” Luna ran a hoof nervously through her mane. “Will you be my special somepony?”

Rarity closed her eyes, smiling. “I will. But I had something else in mind.”

It occurred to Luna that Rarity’s face was close to hers. If Luna hadn’t been so much taller, they’d only be inches away.

“Ahh, that. A popular display of affection, even one-thousand years ago. But a risky one as well. If one were to kiss a mare in view of others, then the risk of dishonoring her would be great.”

“There’s no one here princess. My honor is in your hooves.”

Luna leaned down so that their eyes were level. “I will never dishonor you,” she promised firmly.

Their lips met. Luna could feel the pain behind them, and feared she had acted too hastily and without giving the object of her affection a chance to heal. But just as she started to pull away, a forearm wrapped around her neck and pulled her closer. Her doubts washed away. Luna reminded herself of the strength she had already witnessed. Her little Rarity was a fighter, and if this was a mistake, it was one Luna would gladly make again.

Eventually however, Rarity did pull away, face flushed and eyes dilated. “Princess Luna? You did... take off... your...”

“OH NO!”

Rarity’s eyes rolled back and she collapsed, foaming at the mouth. Luna stared down at the unicorn’s prone form in stunned silence.

“Big sister... she told us we would have to... to make sacrifices...” breathed Luna in disbelief.

“BUT WE NEVER IMAGINED SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU, POISON LIPSTICK!”

Luna’s eyes moistened as she levitated Rarity’s antidote out of her mane. “Farewell old friend,” she lamented as she wiped her lips free of the taint. “We had a good run of it together.”

*****

Rainbow Dash squinted as she heard a cry of lament from a cloud not far in the distance, but then shrugged and turned back to Soarin.

“So anyway, that’s the story of how I found out I was straight. Pretty weird, huh?”

Soarin barked out a nervous laugh. “Weird? Dash that was... that was amazing. I can’t believe you went through all that while I was playing paintball and burping.”

“Ehh... I took down the Mare in the Moon once. In comparison, this whole thing was kinda lame.”

“Nothing fazes you, does it. So are you and Fluttershy going to be okay?”

“Definitely! ‘Shy’s amazing. I think sometimes the most important pony in your life isn’t your sister or your parents or even your husband. It’s your friend. And you’re nothing but lucky that it ended up that way. But... there’s still the thing about me and you.”

“Yeah. I uhh... I might have gotten carried away back there...”

“Nah, it was me that was pushing it. I just... don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’ve already proven how terrible a girlfriend I make. There’s not much point revisiting it. Plus, I’ve got my training to occupy me. And I’ve got five amazing friends that are way too emotionally dependent. They're gonna need me, definitely.”

“Uh-huh. I kinda figured, but listen, maybe when we’re in the area we could hang out or—”

“That’s not really what I was getting at. Look Soarin, there’s a part of my life that I’ve never really addressed, and here... with you... I feel like I’ve got a chance to reclaim it.”

“You mean...”

Dash felt herself blushing as she nodded.

“Ah, man.” Soarin ran a hoof through his mane. “You’ve got to understand, I’m just not that kind of stallion. Just because I’m famous doesn’t mean I go around having flings with mares.”

“Yeah... I figured you—”

Soarin shrugged. “But what the heck. You’re one amazing lady, Rainbow Dash. For you I’ll make an exception.”

He trotted toward her and leaned in. “You mentioned you’ve never done this before, so do you want me to go easy or...”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed. “Soarin. You don’t know me at all.” She stared him down with all the steel her eyes could muster. “I’m going to rock you. Like a hurricane.”

*****

A hurricane of a size never before seen by anypony threatened to consume Ponyville.

“Are you zoomed in?” asked Breaking News to her camerapony as the destructive maelstrom approached. Rain fell from the sky and hammered against their coats.

The videographer nodded.

“Good,” said Breaking News. “Count me off.”

Breaking News cleared her throat, and began when the signal was given.

“This is intrepid reporter Breaking News, on the scene and bringing you the latest updates on the storm in Ponyville.” She had to raise her voice over the howl of the gale. “As you can see, the mysterious and sudden storm has not changed course as the pegasi hoped, and will collide with Ponyville in less than an hour. The death toll is certain to be catostrophic, as there has been no time to evacuate. And whatever survivors remain will find themselves homeless and impoverished. For you viewers, I will remain, covering every moment of this tragic and harrowing event.”

Turning to look back at the hurricane, Breaking News saw two bedraggled ponies approaching the town. As soon as she recognized their faces, the newspony gestured for the camera to zoom in on them.

“We have here two soaking ponies that are no doubt evaluating the threat. I see here Soarin of the Wonderbolts, and the Element of Loyalty herself, Rainbow Dash. Your intrepid reporter will now interview them.”

Breaking News jogged up to the pair, waving a hoof in the pouring rain. “Excuse me! Soarin and Rainbow Dash? May I have a moment of your time?”

They both ignored her, huddled together and giggling uncontrollably.

“Buck Dash... when you said that, I didn’t think you’d really create a hurricane... how is that even possible?”

Rainbow snickered. “I’m the Dash. When I say I’ll do something, I’ll do it.”

“Excuse me!” Breaking News tried again. “Would either of you care to comment on the hurricane about to destroy Ponyville?”

“Huh?” said Soarin, staring in disbelief at Breaking News.

Dash looked over her shoulder. “Uhh... it’s still here.”

Soarin glanced at Dash, jaw dropping. “What?”

“Look! It didn’t dissipate like it was supposed to!”

Soarin turned around, saw the hurricane, and stumbled away from it in surprise.

“I don’t believe it! It got bigger!”

“We’ve got to take care of this Soarin.”

“Yeah, I know I know, I’ve just gotta... dammit! Without the rest of the team?! I just don’t know what I can do.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her shoulders. “You’ve got me Soarin. We started it, we can finish it.”

Soarin took a deep breath and nodded. “It’s gonna be rough Dash with just the two of us, but you’re right. We’ve got to try. Dash... it’s entirely likely that neither of us will come out of this alive. If I don’t get a chance to later, I just want to let you know that...”

“Wait, false alarm! It's fading.”

Breaking News also looked to where Rainbow Dash was indicating. The hurricane, abruptly losing its strength, suddenly collapsed in a gush, spilling water harmlessly onto the plain it had been rampaging over.

Soarin dropped to all four knees. “Oh thank Celestia. I didn’t want to die in my own sex hurricane.”

Rainbow Dash pulled him up. “Stop being such a wuss, I would have protected you. Hey, now that that’s all over with, I’m gonna go get coffee and some fags, you want to come?”

Soarin tilted his head. “Fags? Princess Celestia banished all those from Equestria about ten years ago.”

Rainbow snorted. “No, I mean fags! As in bundles of sticks! All this rain’s makin’ me cold, I’m gonna start a fire.”

“Oh, I see what you’re saying! Why didn’t you say anything earlier, when we passed about a dozen lightning clouds? I could have grabbed one for you.”

“Because,” said Rainbow Dash confidently. “We don’t need lightning to start a fire.”

“That’s... that’s just crazy talk!”

“Oh man, you’re gonna get blown away by what I’ve got to show you.”

“Hold on please!” said Breaking News firmly.

Rainbow Dash glanced back at the reporter. “Did you want coffee too?”

“No thank you, I’m fine. What I want is for you to explain your comments that seemingly indicated you and Soarin are the perpetrators of this attack on Equestria.”

“An attack? Well I wouldn’t say attack, it was more like...”

Soarin tugged at Rainbow Dash’s shoulder and leaned into her ear, “Dash! What do we do? If word of this spreads, my career’s finished! I didn’t mean anypony harm!”

“It’s cool,” hissed Dash. “Just shut up, I got this.”

“You were saying?” prompted Breaking News.

“Err... yeah well...” Rainbow Dash’s eyes wandered around frantically. “Funny story.... you see...”

“I’m all ears.”

“Uh-huh... cool... err...” suddenly Rainbow Dash’s eyes landed on something behind Breaking News and relief washed over her guilty face.

“Derpy did it,” she insisted, pointing behind Breaking News.

“Huh?” The reporter turned to look over her shoulder at a blond pegasus trotting blissfully down one of Ponyville’s streets.

“All her fault! Anyway, gotta go, thanks for interviewing us!” Rainbow Dash seized Soarin and practically carried him as she scurried off.

Breaking News returned her focus to the camera. “That explanation was rather suspect. As your intrepid reporter, I now go to investigate the accused and bring the truth of this matter to light!”

The pegasus stopped when Breaking News confronted her. Her eyes were misaligned, yet she yet she bore a wide smile, full of naive optimism. “Hello.”

“Greetings,” said Breaking News curiously. “You are Derpy, correct?”

“Yep, that’s right!”

“Sources indicate that you were the perpetrator of the terrible storm that nearly destroyed Ponyville. Do you have any comment?”

“Oh right, that...” Derpy looked to where the storm had been, blinking in confusion. “Well...”

“Yes?”

“I just don’t know what went wrong!”

Grinning, Derpy reached into her saddlebag and produced a muffin. “Would you like one?” she asked Breaking News.

The reporter shook her head and backed up, indicating for her crewpony to zoom the camera in on Derpy’s cheerful visage.

“She shows not a hint of remorse for her actions,” Breaking News told her audience. “What you see before you, is a mare worse than Bitler!”

*****

“I’ve got something to confess,” Twilight Sparkle said as she and Celestia rose from the hill.

“Of course.” Celestia kept walking, but turned her attention from the path ahead to watch Twilight.

“I umm... I always wanted... to save myself for you...”

Celestia began to look uncomfortable. “Okay.”

“But... I always  thought... I’d never have you anyway...”

Celestia stopped and gently pressed her mouth against the top of Twilight Sparkle’s head. “Twilight...”

Twilight jerked away before she could fully feel the pressure of Celestia’s lips.

“I slept with Queen Chrysalis!”

Celestia sighed and shook her head. “Twilight, I think everypony has had sex with Queen Chrysalis.”

She stepped away and raised a hoof. “Someponies have sex with Queen Chrysalis when they take the last cookie for themselves, even though they know very well some other pony was looking forward to it.”

She held her head up, lips pursed in deep thought. “And for other ponies, having sex with Queen Chrysalis is cheating on your taxes, even though your business is doing well and you don’t need to.”

The princess turned back to Twilight. “Even I’ve had sex with Queen Chrysalis. It was two nights ago. Negotiations were stalling, everypony had had too much to drink, she was giving me bedroom eyes, and well... one thing led to another! Teehee!”

When Celestia leaned forward to kiss Twilight’s brow again, the unicorn allowed it.

“The truth is, it’s not about who you have sex with. It’s about who you love.”

“You’re... your right princess!” Twilight got a goofy grin on her face and orbited a few times around her mentor. “Oh wow, you’re teaching me about relationships! It’s exactly how I imagined!”

Just as soon as she started, Twilight stopped bouncing and looked at the ground. “Umm... I did kind of err... want an... exclusive relationship though.”

Celestia laughed and leaned in, touching their noses. “Oh Twilight, of course we can—”

Suddenly Celestia pulled away with a pensive frown, looking over Twilight. “Er... I mean... Twilight, would you consider flank slapping to be a breach of exclusivity?”

Twilight tilted her head. “Huh? Err... how long a session are we talking about?”

Celestia shook her head. “We’re not talking about sessions. We’re talking about just walking along, minding our own business, and then...” With blinding speed, Princess Celestia’s hoof swung around and left its stinging kiss on Twilight’s rear.

Twilight yelped.

“Made you squeal!” cried Celestia. “Teehee!”

“P-princess! I... umm... to answer your question... I guess maybe I ought to be bothered by that... but I’m not.”

Celestia pressed her nose against Twilight’s delicately. “Oh Twilight, of course we can have an exclusive relationship.” The princess batted her lashes and then abruptly spun away. “Thank you for being understanding about this. The problem is that it’s in my contract with the maid’s guild. They’ll go on strike if I don’t smack them on the rear every so often.”

“They... make you do that?”

Celestia nodded solemnly. “It isn’t easy to be the first and second sexiest mare alive. But it is fun!”

“Ehh... speaking of... those activities...”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Well, I’ve certainly thought about it a lot... and now I can finally get your opinion! Should  we do it on the royal bedchamber amidst rose petals, or beneath a freezing waterfall?”

“Twilight?”

“Or maybe even on the moon? We could consult Princess Luna if you don’t know enough about the moon, and even if you do, I’m sure she’d have some insight to offer. I mean... I’m sure we’ll do it on the moon sooner or later, I’m just not sure if it’s where we should—”

Twilight stopped as she felt Princess Celestia’s hoof on her lip.

“Twilight. I hate to disappoint you, but I’m not going to one-night you.”

“You’re... you’re not?”

“I’m not.”

“But... you did it with Chrysalis and...”

“I hate screwed her because I was bored Twilight. You I’m in love with. Which is why I want to let it happen naturally, and above all, make sure I don’t hurt you. Does that sound okay?”

“Yes of course I...” Twilight breathed out a sigh. “Yes. That’s better than okay, princess.”

“Good. But Twilight... while we’re on the subject, there’s always been this fantasy I’ve had about what our first date would be like. If you’ll hear me out...”

Princess Celestia leaned in and whispered something in Twilight’s ear.

The unicorn’s jaw dropped.

*****

“This is intrepid reporter Breaking News, bringing you the latest update on the... Crisis In Canterlot!” As Breaking News spoke, she postured and pointed at spots in the air, knowing that during editing they would make flaming words appear for dramatization.

“We have almost no information on the disaster currently unfolding, so I go now live to the scene, to see what I can discover.”

A squad of guards rushed past Breaking News and barged into the throne room. Nopony was paying any attention, so she slipped in afterwards.

The audience chamber was a disaster area. Guards and government officials scrambled back and forth, hastily consulting with each other, and in some cases, running around in circles.

A hole had been blown into the wall. Floating in the center of the breech was Twilight Sparkle, wearing a lacy black suit and monocle.

Charging in from the side room, Princess Celestia confronted her student.

“Twilight Sparkle! What is the meaning of all this?”

“I’ve merely come to claim what belongs to me!” cried Twilight Sparkle. “You! Enjoy your princess, little ponies, for she will be your last! From this day forth she will be mine... FOREVER!”

“Twilight, stop this nonsense immeeek!” Celestia failed to finish her sentence when Twilight surrounded her with a purple glow and lifted her off her feet.

Shining Armor and a squadron of guards burst into the room. “Princess, I got here as soon as you... Twilight?! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Payback! She sends me on a quest to defeat her sister without telling me! She gives me two tickets to the Gala even though she knew darn well I needed seven! I’ve had enough! Now she’s going to Pony Joe’s with me... FOR AS LONG AS I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HER!”

“What’s next Twilight,” gasped Celestia. “The world?”

“OF COURSE!”

Shining Armor shook his head and approached his sister. “Princess, please don’t be too hard on my sister for this. She’s not really a bad pony she just gets... obsessive from time to time.”

Grunting with effort, Shining Armor cancelled Twilight’s telekinesis with a burst of his own. She fell to the ground, reeling, and Shining Armor was on her in an instant, gripping her in a headlock.

“Got her! Now Princess, why don’t I just take her back to my—”

Princess Celestia’s horn glowed as she blasted Shining Armor with a beam of pure white magic, sending him flying against the wall.

“Whoops!” cried Celestia. “Looks like she’s too strong for you!”

Shining Armor picked himself up, groaning. “That... THAT WAS YOU!”

“The princess’s student is too powerful!” cried a pegasus recruit. “We can’t beat her!” He rushed toward the breach in the wall and flung himself through it, where he almost certainly wouldn’t fall to his death.

“That’s right!” screamed Twilight as she lifted Celestia again. “I’m INVINCIBLE!”

Breaking News spoke hastily into the camera. “The royal guard is clearly losing the battle against Celestia’s wayward student, if this keeps up, we can surely expect—”

“WE WILL SAVE YOU, SISTER!”

Luna’s voice was so powerful that the sonic force alone knocked the door off its hinges, clearing a path for the midnight diarch to burst into the room.

“Princess Luna!” cried Shining Armor in relief. “You can put a stop to this! Please don’t be too hard on my sister, it’s pretty obvious who put her up to—”

“NEIGH! WE SHALL REND HER SOUL FROM HER BODY AND SEND HER LIFELESS HUSK TO THE MOON!”

“Another princess to add to my collection,” shrieked Twilight in glee. “Lieutenant Rarity, deal with the threat! Capture her and she’s yours!”

“Cooooomiiing,” said a high-pitched voice, and through the breech came a white unicorn sporting butterfly wings and an elaborately lacy gothic dress.

“YOU DARE STAND IN OUR WAY?” cried Luna, her words blasting several guards off their feet.

“Err... yes,” said Rarity. She began casting a spell and then shot what looked like a foal’s prestidigitation at Princess Luna’s chest.

Luna stared at Rarity for several seconds, not reacting visibly in any way. Then she flung herself on her back and flailed her legs about in the air. “DREADFUL! WE ARE DEFEATED MOST EASILY!”

Shining Armor’s jaw dropped. “Princess Luna? N-no!” C’mon, get back up!”

“EEK! WE ARE DEFENSELESS!”

Shining Armor snorted in fury. “I’ve seen you atomize star systems with your magic!”

“Yes Shining Armor. It is true that physically she is no match for us. Nonetheless, she has overpowered us with her charm and feminine grace!”

“I have that effect on ponies,” said Rarity sympathetically, patting Shining Armor on the shoulder as she trotted past him. “Now that you’re under my power princess, will you take me to Pony Joe’s as well?”

“We... we have no choice... we must obey.”

“Splendid!”

Shining Armor buried his face in his hooves.

“Oh the Equinity!” cried Breaking News, addressing thousands of viewers. “Both of our Princesses are defeated, along with the entire Royal Guard! There is no longer any hope for Equestria whatsoever!”

“Shining Armor...” gasped Princess Celestia weakly. “Before we are cruelly wrested away from our ponies forever... there is one last thing... we must say...”

Shining Armor stared at Celestia with a look of utter apathy. “What,” he seethed.

“I am afraid that I must dock your pay.”

“We are forced to dock your pay as well, Shining Armor,” said Princess Luna as she set Rarity on her back, “for your failure to protect us in our hour of need. THE DOCKING HAS BEEN DOUBLED.”

“Yeah, whatever,” said Shining Armor through gritted teeth. “I’ll just be here, figuring out how to clean up the mess you made of the palace. Again. Enjoy your dates...”

And with that the princesses were gone, each carrying a unicorn on their backs.

Only then did Shining Armor notice Breaking News.

“Oh for the love of... is that tabloid rat back again?! Get her out of here right now!”

“This is the network you first heard it on,” cried Breaking News, struggling to remain in the view of her camera as two burly guardsponies seized her. “It hardly needs to be said after what you just saw! Equestria is doomed!”