I ran for the better part of two days, not stopping for rest, as my mind replayed the image of AJ and Redheart. It was when I finally reached the edge of the Unicorn Range, that I allowed my body, drenched in sweat and pain, to finally collapse. I could do nothing but stare at the stars as my body, refusing to move another inch, just seemed to shut down. I don’t know why I ran so far . . . why I ignored this pain . . . Then again, I know exactly why I did it.

Are you sure a random hay field is the best place to take a nap?

“Would you just shut up.” I mumbled, to drained to think of anything else to say.

Well I was quiet for the entire run up to this point, so I think I deserve to talk.

“You deserve a hoof to the head, now shut your mouth.” Suddenly there was silence, my darker half not responding. “What, no smart ass remark? Well that suits me just fine . . . maybe I can pretend my mind is still my own, for a little while.”

Your mind is nothing but trash, trash that doesn’t deserve an element, a body, or even a life. My darkness hissed suddenly, causing the pain I already felt to surge. My body, that may as well be dead, suddenly thrashed about violently. I cried out in pain trying, with all I could, to regain control of my body. I am getting sick and tired of your mouth! I could kill you in an instant, and take this body, but I still have hope for you.

“I thought I already told you,” I said suddenly, “I will never become one with you!”

You remember, I’m touched. My body suddenly feel limp, my chest heaving, as I desperately gasped for air. But you realize what you’re doing, don’t you? Well I suppose you do, or you wouldn’t be doing it, but things won’t go according to plan. I couldn’t work up the energy to reply, my eyes fixated on the night above me. You think that you can just go back to that hole, you crawled out of, and simply get rid of me? I’m sorry to break it to you, but that’s not going to work.

“N-no . . . that’s not . . . my plan.” A sharp, twisting, pain ran up my throat as I forced out those few words.

Oh, well, then I suppose you have everything figured out? Of course not, you’re just mindlessly grasping at straws. My darkness chuckled. But I can see that you’re determined to die, which makes things easy on me, so go right ahead. Rush off and put into action your, idiotic, plan.

My idiotic plan? What was my idiotic plan? I had an idea, a hunch, that I was going off of . . . but I couldn’t be honest with the darkness. I couldn’t admit that everything I was doing was just a lie. I couldn’t admit that I’d only ran away to get ‘it’ away from my friends. There was nothing more that I wanted than to rid myself of this darkness, this twisted soul that had taken root within my own. Moments like this make me miss Twilight even more . . . I bet she’d know what to do, or at least figure out something.

How are your injuries, Dashie? I heard the darkness whisper.

The wonderful reprieve I’d found from the physical world slowly melted away, feeling returning to my battered body. Pain flared through my ribs and left side, laboring every breath I took. The taste of blood was fresh in my mouth, as I turned my head and coughed up a bit. “Damn, guess I over did it a little bit.”

I think that’s an understatement. You should really take better care of our body or, at the least, have that nurse pony patch you up before you do something like this.

“Hmph, her name is Redheart.”

Oh, I know. Believe me . . . I know. The thing is, Dashie, that I don’t give enough of a shit to use her name.

“You just love to piss me off, don’t you?”

It’s one of the few, simple, joys that I’m allowed. Besides, somepony has to keep you on edge.

“Just be quiet, please. I probably won’t be able to, but I’d like to try and get some sleep.”

Oh, by all means rest. I won’t keep you from your sleep, in fact I wish you sweet dreams, my dear Dashie.

Sweet dreams? That’s not possible, not after the things I’ve seen. But that was of my own doing . . . horrors created by my own hooves. I wish that I could still be at ease when I sleep, free of this malicious darkness that has become intertwined with my soul. I long for a day when I can sleep like I once did, when all I needed was a comfy cloud, and the silver glow of the moon. But that was in the old Equestria, a world that no longer exists.

My body seemed to melt away as my consciousness floated through the darkness that sleep brought. Somewhere within that world devoid of color, the world of my mind, I awaited my darkness. I knew all too well that she would appear. I knew with every moment that passed that she would suddenly reveal herself, smiling in her own depravity. She just loved to build up the tension, to see my face when she appeared from the nothingness.

“You’re there, aren’t you?” I called out into the void. I was silent, waiting for her to respond, but there was no reply. “I know you’re there, so just reveal yourself already!” I shouted.

You’re supposed to be having sweet dreams, Dashie dear. She whispered.

“There’s no way I can have anything close to a dream with you in my head! You’d probably try to take control of my body, or something along those lines!” I replied, infuriated by her very voice.

Light slowly filtered into the world, pushing back the darkness, to reveal her. I stood still in a mix of anger and fear, my dark side standing before me, her muzzle nearly pressed to mine. She stood just as still, her wicked smile broad across her face. Now why would you ruin such a good chance to escape reality, just to accuse me of such underhanded actions? If I wanted to take control while you slept, I would have already done it. No, I want you to fight. I want the satisfaction of watching your very soul, your entire being, become nothing more than a broken mess, my dearest Dashie. She spoke softly and raised a hoof to stroke my cheek.

“I always thought you were psychotic. Now I know, without a doubt, that you are. But you’ll find breaking my spirit to be a challenge, one that you won’t overcome.”

She tilted her head and sighed, moving her hoof up to my mane. I can’t believe that Bane Tooth sliced off a chunk of your mane, such a pity. On the bright side, Dashie, you look good with a shorter mane. Why, you almost look like Scoots.

“Don’t you bucking say her name, don’t you ever say her name again!” I shouted, knocking away her hoof.

Is that still a soft spot? She asked. She brought her hoof to her mouth and licked the spot I’d struck, her ever present smile beaming. I think I’m starting to like it when you hit me, it’s always so . . . pleasing. She began to chuckle, before erupting into full blown laughter. She rared back and stood on her hind legs, head turned towards the sky in laughter. I feel sorry for that little creature, Scootaloo. She worshiped the ground you walked upon, and in the end you let her die.

My mind went blank, and a white hot searing pain engulfed my entire being. I could only see her, Scootaloo. I could see every moment I’d ever spent with her, splayed out before me. Tears began to stream down my face, and my vision blurred, as I started to laugh.

Is something funny, Dashie? The darkness asked.

“Yeah . . .” I simply replied, wiping the tears from my eyes. “I just thought of how I’m going to destroy you.”

Oh? Well that is quite funny. Do tell me how you plan to do it, Dashie. She smiled.

“I’m gonna beat the shit out of you, then slice you into a thousand pieces. One for each memory you showed me of Scoots . . . the one pony above all that I regret I couldn’t save.” I replied as I looked to her.

You know that won't work, and here I thought you'd finally used that brain of yours. she sighed as she flipped her mane.

“I'll figure out a way to make it work . . . because I'll be damned if I'll let your existence continue anymore. I'm the one who created you, the one who gave your entire being form.”

Actually I think you owe that to Discord.

“I don't give a flying buck!” I roared as I rushed her. I slammed her to the ground, pinning her beneath my weight as I stared down at her. Just as she always had she simply smiled, amused by my outburst, as if to show me the futility of my actions. That damnable smile was becoming the bane of my existence, as each time I saw it I could only think of my failures. “Why do you always have to smile!” I shouted suddenly. “Is it not enough that you’ve twisted my entire being into a shell of who I once was? Does my suffering bring you so much joy that you have to constantly show your amusement? Answer me, Celestia dammit! Answer me!”

I think you should calm down, my sweet Dashie, or you might end up getting yourself hurt . . . well more hurt than you already are. Let’s not forget that while you waste your time questioning me, instead of trying to have a peaceful respite, our body is in fairly poor shape.

“That’s not a bucking answer!” I shouted in return as I drew my hoof back and slammed it down next to her head.

You’re nothing more than a coward Rainbow Dash, or whoever you are now. We both know that I’m the true Dash, or what’s left of her, while you’re nothing more than weakness ponysonified. I allowed myself to be held here, I’ve not even attempted to move, giving you the perfect chance to try and ‘end me’, and yet you still strike the earth next to my head. For somepony of such conviction you show me nothing but cowardice . . . Is it because you finally understand the futility of all this.

I shook my head as a torrent of emotions raged within my mind. Her words, my words, who evers words they truly were resonated within. I clutched my chest as I fell back on my haunches and gasped for air, my throat feeling as if it were closing up. I was suffocating . . . the pressure of all that happened, the realizations of everything, all that I had done. I couldn’t take it any longer and now it was manifesting into physical pain, becoming a wave that was undoubtedly crashing against me.

As much as I enjoy your suffering I believe that I should spare you this, for now. I can’t allow you to die just yet . . . no not yet, not until I feel you’ve suffered truly and completely. I can’t allow you to die until I’ve destroyed every last bit of what you are, and shown you the true meaning of despair. She drew closer to me and grabbed my throat, lifting me into the air effortlessly. This has been fun, but I think it’s time you woke up. Before I could reply she slammed my body into the ground, causing it to crack and shatter. I fell and looked up to see her gazing down at me with that smile, that damn smile.

I seemed to fall forever as I found myself enveloped by darkness once more and then suddenly I felt my body slam into something. I sat up and coughed violently as I covered my eyes, then there was nothing but pain as I let out a shrill scream. My eyes were blinded by the sun, my body broken by battle and my soul crushed by darkness. I was in the midst of a completely hopeless trifecta that seemed like it would never end, as the harshness of reality returned to me once more. “Celestia dammit!” I shouted as I fumbled around until my eyes finally adjusted to the sunlight that covered me. Though I could see my other senses were still a mess, leaving me feeling like a newborn foal.

My chest heaved and my body strained as I forced myself to my hooves, quickly becoming reacquainted with the ground as I slammed back to it. Damn this infernal body of mine! Damn this whole world and everything about it to hell! My mind still raced and thoughts of my darkness lingered, as I made another push to stand. It took several attempts, each one ending with a reintroduction to the ground, before I was finally able to stand and hold my weight. I was covered in dried blood, it’s scent causing my stomach to turn and wrench. I tried to put the feeling far from my mind as I pushed forward and willed my body to move, staggering around like a drunkard. I was still intent on putting as much distance between myself and Van Hoover as possible, but I had no clear goal on where to go. I mean . . . I did, but would returning there turn out to be waste?

I decided that before I could even hope to do anything, I needed to wash this blood from my body. Thoughts of the San Palomino desert returned to me, as the sun turned it's eye to me and glared unblinking. My body burned and ached, though the green fields I found myself in were far removed from the deserts harshness. Still I needed to be careful and not allow myself to stop, lest I become some scavengers meal. I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt at that thought, and suddenly found myself recalling all those I've left to that very fate. Diamond Dogs, Ponies, it didn't matter. I killed them and left them to be nothing more than food. Now that I found myself staring at the possibility of being reduced to a meal . . . I can't help but wonder if what I did was right.

My thoughts were quickly shoved aside though as I heard the faint sound of running water, and frantically began to look around. After a moment I caught sight of a small stream and hurried to it, falling to the ground at its side. Without another thought I shoved my muzzle into the water and drank all that I could, until my thirst was sated. I leaned back and gasped for air, rolling onto my back as I covered my eyes with a foreleg. This . . . all of this feels like some sick dream, like I'm starting over from scratch. Bruised, bloody and nearly dead. I felt like I was reliving the day of Canterlot’s fall . . . the day I crawled into the Everfree and went into hiding. Except this time I hadn't been thrown from a mountain, or had my element ripped from me. No. . . this time I was in this mess because of my own choice, my own fear.

I finally picked myself up once more and slowly waded into the stream, sitting in its cool water. I washed the blood from my coat and mane, taking a moment to curse at my darkness once I realized she was right about my mane. I bet Scoots would have loved to seen it like this . . . her big sis having a mane like hers. I really do miss her, I miss all those I've lost. I just wish that I could have done something, anything, to save them. My body began to tremble as I thought about them all and tears began to stream down my muzzle, while sobs escaped me. I stared into my reflection on the water and only wept harder as I did. I was a failure . . . I was worthless as a protector.

I sat there and cried, feeling sorry for myself, until the chill of the water became to much and made my way back onto the bank of the stream. I didn't even take time to dry myself off as I began walking once more, following the stream. Occasionally I would catch glimmers of light play at the water's surface and look to see my sorry reflection, only to sink further into sadness. I didn't even look like my former self anymore with my mane cut, and the cutie mark on my right flank scarred by Diamond Dogs. It was fitting though as I was no longer the mare I once was. I wasn't even the mare that, not to long ago, I believed I had become . . . as things stood I was simply a ghost of an Equestria that would never return.