Confessions of an Immortal Time Lord

Audience of One

***

I’m so tired of running. All my life, I’ve been running. Running back and forth, running away, running for my life, and for the lives of others... I really want to stop. But I can’t.

That winter day - or, to be more exact, night, is still fresh in my memory, as if it happened yesterday. Maybe it did. Maybe my perception of Time has become so muddled that I cannot tell one day from another anymore. Maybe I’m going insane from all of this - from everything that has happened to me, is happening to me, and will happen to me. I know it in advance, and that’s my plight - the plight of a Time Lord.

Snow was falling from the sky, covering the dirty ground, concealing it from my sight. The clouds were erupting, and it felt like the end of the world; as if the empty night streets were being buried under blankets of ash.

I was trotting down the streets of Ponyville, each building reminding me of something, each small detail evoking a memory line.

I passed the library, looking at the brightly lit windows, and imagined how Twilight and Spike were spending this night - did I mention it was Christmas? - together, side by side. Side by side. As all ponies should.

“Doctor, come here, now, you incorrigible jester!”

“Twilight, no!  Violence is not the answer!”

Memories of our past - of our shared past - came rushing into my head, occupying my thoughts.

“There’s no way we’re sleeping in the same bed!”

“But of course, Twilight! You can always sleep on the floor, you know?”

“Must... Resist... Strangling... You...”

I chuckled and smiled sadly, shaking my head. This simple motion was enough for the thoughts to slow down to a lazy crawl, and I proceeded on my way.

Carousel Boutique. Rarity’s place. And also home to the most disturbing, loud, obnoxious little filly I’ve ever known. And... the most generous, kind, and nice filly I’ve ever known, at the same time. A snowflake fell on my cheek, slowly turning into a drop of water, which came down my muzzle and was buried in the fur.

“Mister Doctor-”

“Just Doctor, okay?”

“Doctor, what exactly are wingboners?”

“What are... what?!”

Another drop vanished in my coat, this time a tear of mine. No matter how funny the whole situation had been, now, looking back at it, I realised I was going to miss Sweetie Belle. Miss her more than I would have missed any other foal.

Sugarcube Corner. As I passed the sweet-shaped building, I resisted the overwhelming urge to come in. Just for a second - come inside, and look at the Very Very Very Very Special Christmas Party Pinkie had been preparing for a few weeks. Just a second - one fleeting moment...

“So, to bake cherry-flavoured cupcakes you have to look eeeeeexactly like a cherry tree!”

“Pinkie... What?”

“Of course, I knew ponies who would dress up like a lemon tree, or an apple tree - and I’m not just talking about Applejack, by the way - oh, and have you seen Applejack around - I haven’t, of course, so that’s why I’m asking - because if I had seen her, I wouldn’t have asked-”

“What...”

“And those ponies who don’t dress up like cherry trees always end up with some other kind of cupcakes and not the yummy cherry ones!”

“...What.”

I let out a small chuckle, and raised my head to look at the brightly lit windows, loud music playing from the inside.

No. I had to go on. I had to move on. Everypony has to move on, eventually. My time in Ponyville had been great. In fact, I think it had been the best period in my entire existence. But everything must cease, even Time Lords. Time itself will cease to exist one day, too. I know, but I try not to think about it. Instead, I move on. I always move on.

As I left Ponyville and soldiered on along the snow-covered country road, I looked up to the sky. The dark clouds above resembled my feelings only too well. I mused about what had happened during the past years. All my life, I’d been running. I had never had a place to call home. And now that I thought I’d found it...

I passed the small cottage on the edge of town, its silhouette strangely reminding me of something big, and fuzzy, and warm. The lights were out, for the inhabitants were asleep. Fluttershy, always asleep as soon as the Sun sets...

“Um... Doctor, it’s so kind of you to look after Angel...”

“Oh, don’t  worry, Fluttershy! I’m sure we will get along quite well!”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! Oh, I’ve almost forgotten! WIll you please bathe him?”

“Of course, Fluttershy--”

“And cook him a sweet little dessert.”

“Of course, Flutter--”

“And please, watch out for other bunnies!”

“Huh?”

“They tend to pick on him from time to time. But don’t worry - I’m sure you’ll protect him!”

“Of course... Do remind me, how long will you be gone?”

“Oh, it’s only two weeks.”

“...I’m doomed.”

I marched on to the EverFree, feeling chilly grass under my hooves, boughs swaying from side to side and cradling me. I passed an empty spot, which triggered one more trip down memory lane.

“Applejack?.. Rainbow Dash?..”

“This ain’t what it looks like!”

“Yeah! We were just... wrestling?”

“Suuure... Whatever makes you sleep well at night, Rainbow Dash. Whatever makes you sleep well at night.”

I laughed, remembering their embarrassed faces. I  wondered what they were doing now... They probably were together, cuddling on the sofa in front of a warm and welcoming fire...

I approached my blue box. It hadn’t changed one bit since I had left it here, in the middle of the EverFree forest, the only place where my solitude wasn’t out of place. Here, it was alright to feel lonely. It felt good to feel lonely, even. But I didn’t feel good, or bad, or upset. I felt empty, soaked in my own loneliness. I entered my TARDIS - the only thing I had a right to call mine. I wanted to believe it wasn’t a thing; I wanted to believe it was my friend. I closed the door behind me gently and approached the control panel. The buttons had never seemed so welcoming; the levers had never been so alluring.

I had to leave my friends; my real friends; my first real friends in a long time. But one thing was certain: the moments we had shared together would forever be printed in the book of Time, even if we all forget about them, or misinterpret them. Or if we cherish them forever.

I stroked the control panel lovingly and closed my eyes. I saw the whole wide picture of Ponyville before my eyes. I saw my friends laughing, and exchanging precious speculations and funny jokes, and hugging each other. I was definitely out of place there. I would have been a bother.

I felt a tear crawl down my cheek, but I suppressed the urge to cry. I had matters to attend to. I always have matters to attend to. Sometimes I think that running without stopping is the only thing that keeps me sane. The only thing that keeps me alive.

I wiped my eye with a hoof, and set my tie straight. I stood tall and firm, feeling determination building inside me.

“Merry Christmas, Ponyville,” I whispered, pressing a few buttons. “Merry Christmas, TARDIS.” I put my hoof on the lever, pondering for a moment. I pulled it.

“Allons-y!”

***

Author's note.

Another interlude. Another milestone. I'll be honest - it is high time I ended the story. And I will soon. I will finish When the Time Lords Broke Free arc, and that's it. The story will come to an end. I don't feel like continuing it anymore. It's almost done, people. Have a nice day.

~Josh