Author's note.

I've learned a few things during last month:

1) Hospital is a dull place.

2) There's not much to do there.

3) When in doubt, write fanfiction.

4) ???

5) PROFIT!

Now, I ask you, my fellow readers, to whom I am very grateful, to do two simple things:

1) Read my new story, a one-shot comedy, which is connected to the 'Confessions of an Immortal Time Lord' - Time Lords and Wingboners. WARNING: Teen rating. Like anypony cares, anyway...

2) Go to this blog post and vote. It's obligatory. It's important. Do it. For the Solar Empire/For the (New) Lunar Republic. For the Doctor.

Peace.

***

Some ponies are thick. You know, that type of ponies who cannot be described as 'dumb' but aren't showing a decent amount of wits in their thinking process? Yes, that's the type. Sometimes I wonder if they are doing it on purpose. No, really. Maybe we are all a part of some evil conspiracy that even I, an immortal Time Lord, don't know? Maybe those 'thick' ponies are in fact a new evolutionary stage for us to evolve into?

...Not in the slightest. Some ponies are just thick. We'll just have to - as humans say - deal with it. And, unfortunately for me, Big Macintosh, my hardworking, strong, honest and caring friend, also happened to be of that variety.

Big Mac was thick and I couldn't do a single thing to fix that. But I'd better show you the events from the usual perspective, shall I? Carry on, Josh. Amuse me.

***

The clock was ticking.

The room was spacious and elaborately decorated. The Doctor realised that many changes had occurred to the design of Fluttershy's cottage since his last visit. For instance, there were new yellow pillows on the sofa. The curtains were new as well; so white that they were blinding.

The clock was ticking.

Having no desire to part with his perfect eyesight, the Time Lord looked at the other side of the room. Unfortunately, the other side of the room included Fluttershy. As soon as the yellow pegasus felt the brown pony's gaze upon her, she blushed meekly and turned her eyes away. (Can you blush meekly? I mean, sure, you can be a meek pony but when you blush - don't you lose that state for a while? ...Anyway, it's the Narrator's problem. Blame everything on the Narrator. That's the way of a Time Lord. That's the way. - T.L.)

The clock was ticking.

The Doctor coughed and lightly tapped Macintosh's hoof under the table. The red earth pony failed to understand the hint so the Time Lord elaborated his idea further.

"Mac, old cheese, why don't you tell Fluttershy what you do at the farm?" he addressed the farmer in a most nonchalant (yet old-fashioned) manner, repeating the hoof gesture, a bit harder this time.

Now he seemed to have understood what the brown pony was implying.

"Um... At th' farm... Ah buck," he said, stammering at each word.

Fluttershy instantly spat her tea. So did the Doctor. Upon realising what he had just said, Big Mac blushed. Fortunately, his coat colour hid the blush ever so well.

(Now let me explain something. When ponies say 'buck', they mean one of the following things: either 'buck apples' or, so to speak, copulate. Mate. Have sex. I think I made myself quite clear. The thing is, when ponies want to imply the first meaning, they usually do use the word 'apples'. As you can clearly see, out hardworking friend met another failure. The more you know! - T.L.)

"Apples! Ah buck apples! Ah don' go round th' farm mating mare and mah animals! Ah ain't like that!"

The Doctor facehoofed. It seemed that with each passing second the situation was turning out for the worse. Some drastic measures had to be taken. And, as it always happens in such a situation, the Time Lord had a plan. A wonderful plan.

"So, erm, Fluttershy, Mac, I'll come back in a second. Need some business to attend... in the kitchen. I want some cheese," he said quickly and rose from the table.

"Um... Doctor... there is cheese on the table," Big Mac replied, obviously having no desire to be left alone with the yellow mare.

"I need some other cheese," The Doctor replied, looking at the earth pony sternly.

"I can get some cheese for you, darling," Fluttershy suddenly said.

(Now that was some shock indeed. Darling? Seriously?! - T.L.)

Trying hard not to notice the strange (and somewhat unjustified) form of addressing, The Doctor rushed off to the kitchen, mumbling something between "Oh thanks, I'll manage" and "You will be the death of me, Fluttershy, and you seem to be enjoying it". Probably the latter.

As Big Macintosh and Fluttershy were left alone, awkward silence took its place in the room.

Fluttershy looked at the table, admiring its common wooden pattern.

Big Mac looked at the tie, which he was still holding, and finally decided to speak.

"So... what'cha bucking... AH MEAN DOIN' round here?"

***

"Okay, bunny, you will do this."

Angel shook his head, looking at that strange Time Lord disguised as a pony. He had thought he left Ponyville for good but, alas, he was gravely mistaken.

"You will do this or..." The Doctor made a dramatic pause, during which the rabbit gulped. "...face the Universal Court as an illegal migrant," the Time Lord finished, putting great emphasis on the last two words.

The white creature shivered in fear but still shook his head disapprovingly. His whole body was saying: No, I won't help you to make her date him, even if I have to die otherwise!

"Do not underestimate me, bunny. Even if the Universal Court will ban you for eternity or execute you... I will travel back in time and make your life worse than Hell..." the brown pony hissed, making Angel remember how serious Time Lords can get.

FLASHBACK

The Doctor finally regained his composure and, with a brand smile, approached the rabbit, gently pushing Fluttershy aside. He winked at her.

"Some men's business here, Fluttershy. Could you... get us some tea or something?" He asked.

The yellow pegasus nodded. "Okay... But please don't argue or fight, okay?" She pleaded, looking more at her bunny than at the brown pony.

"Don't worry, Fluttershy, we are going to be most... friendly..." The Doctor gave the white rabbit a glare and was met with the same glare from him.

The animal caretaker hesitantly left the room.

The Time Lord carefully bent over the sofa, his lips in a few millimeters from Angel's ears.

The rabbit snorted but he couldn't move his limbs: the pain in the paw was too severe.

The Doctor began whispering into Angel's ear: "You know, once I met an alien who refused to register according to the Shadow proclamation... Let's say... his future was most... miserable."

The rabbit shrugged, rising his brow. His expression was saying: 'So what? How does it affect me?'

The brown pony gave the rabbit a pat on the back. "I am a Time Lord, bunny. And I know exactly where you come from," he said, nodding his head.

Angel's pupils widened to the size of saucers. He furiously shook his head whick could be translated as 'You must be kidding me! It's impossible! You are a mere earth pony!'

"It is so," The Doctor answered to his gestures. "Look." And so his cutie mark glowed and the room around them started to shimmer.

Suddenly, Fluttershy appeared before them, in the exact position she was in before going to the kitchen.

She nodded. "Okay... But please don't argue or fight, okay?" She pleaded, looking more at her bunny than at the brown pony.

And Angel Bunny thought his eyes couldn't go any wider...

After Fluttershy went to the kitchen again, Angel began shivering. He looked up at the Doctor, shaking from fear.

The Time Lord smiled. "Proved it to you?" He asked. "Or do you need more proof?" He threatened the poor fur ball.

Angel shook his head and gulped.

"Good." The Doctor smiled. "Now, as far as your injury goes..." The hourglass began to glow and, to the rabbit's deepest amazement, the pain vanished in a second. (Exactly one second... What can I say? Accurate Time Lord is accurate! - T.L.)

The brown pony winked. "Feeling better, bunny? Now if you are a dear and are gentle to Fluttershy, I might forget about your... birthplace," He concluded.

The white rabbit simply nodded, almost frozen in awe.

END OF FLASHBACK

The Doctor raised a brow.

The rabbit sighed in defeat.

The Time Lord approached Angel and gave him a pat on the back.

"Now, now, bunny, don't get me wrong. But I really need them to date, you see? It's important for the sake of the whole Equestrian history!" he explained.

Now it was Angel's turn to raise his brow, in a "Oh really? And here I was, thinking that you simply didn't want to date Fluttershy, so you had to find some other fool in your stead." manner.

Without further discussions (It would be strange to call that shadow of a conversation a 'discussion', for the rabbit wasn't actually able to reply to me. - T.L.), The Doctor nodded and began explaining his plan.

"Now, what I want you to do is..." At this point, his voice dropped to an extremely quiet whisper.

The next moment, Angel Bunny fainted.