A Writer's Guide to Being Octavia

By: ThatOneRandomPony

Er. Mah. Gerd.

A new chapter!

Sooner than I thought. I have a reason at the end, you'll see.

But, uh, yeah. I finally found a thing to lead it to. Kinda. Idunno.

Brownie Points to my editor, Dashing Rainbow, for editing this again

-~

Staring at the blank piece of paper in front of me, I try to think of the ways I could imprint my thoughts on it.

I mean, how does a non-unicorn write with a pencil?

Ah, wait.

With their mouths. Frack.

With that thought, I stare at my furry light gray stumps, and sigh.

"Well, no harm in trying, right?" I say to myself as I pick up with the pencil in my mouth, and stare at the white sheet in front of me. Turning my head sideways, I try to write a simple 'hello', but it more turns out as a '~`-=]'

Well, that surely didn't work. To the computer it is!

Lighty trotting to the other side of my room, I open the old laptop, and stare at the trackpad.

Really?

You suck, life.

Moving my hoof upwards to the laptop, I place it firmly on the trackpad.

And guess what?

The cursor didn't move.

Yipee.

You know what life?

You can argof-

I get cut off mid-thought by the loud rumbling sound emerging my stomach.

Ah, that's right. Food. And that means food with no meat.

Gah. The world hates me or something.

Why me? Why not as a freakin’ unicorn? Or pegasus? Or a male, at least.

Moving away from the laptop, and moving forth to my door, I realise It's actually creaking open.

Wow. I'm so smart today, aren't I? I think to myself as I pass through the door.

Leading myself to my kitchen, I stare at the high counter tops on top of the black stained cabinets.

How the hell am I even supposed to get up there?

Staring at the chairs that sat in rows next to my crude island, I start to calculate what the odds are of me getting from the island to the counter which hold the precious fruits.

I calculated the odds. 2^2079460347 to 1.

There is still a chance though, right?

Hopping up onto the chair, then forth onto the island, I stare at the counter of which seemed thousands of miles away. I back up until a mere centimeter would have made me fall back, I run forward and force all the muscles in my legs to fly me into the air.

I made it.

But it hurt.

And frankly, kinda smelled.

I landed in my large, farmhouse styled sink.

Ew.

After scraping myself out of the sink, and back onto the solid countertop, I look at myself.

I was covered in spaghetti sauce, bits of food scraps, leftover drinks that reside in the bottom of glasses, and tiny specks of dust from the floor in my room. My mane was a mess, it got in the way of my vision, and was well, strange. Same goes for my tail. That weird tail-thing. I don't even know anymore.

Wow. This sucks. A lot. I know I have said this before, but seriously. It sucked.

A lot.

After the couple minutes of inspecting the mess of my new body, I crawled towards my bowl of fruit.

It held some over-ripe peaches, and a banana.

Of course, out of all fruits, give me a banana. The one fruit where I need fingers to open it.

Staring at the yellow, curved fruit, I try to think of the ways to open it.

And only one seemed plausible.

I had to smash it.

Raising up my hoof, I brought it down WITH THE FORCE OF ONE THOUSAND SUNS and watched it squish, leaving the fruit scattered among my hoof and the counter.

Oh, god, this is so degrading. Very degrading.

I bend down, and lick the banana right off the counter.

And to be honest, It tasted pretty good. Very tasty, to be more in the ballpark.

After finishing the tortured banana, I eye the fruit basket again.

Pears! Thanks god.

I reach in, grabbing the pear with my mouth, and eat it in 3 bites.

It's so mother trippin' good! I feel happy. Excited! Energy!

This certain song pops into my head.

I jump down and start bouncing around, the lyrics flowing through my head.

My heeeaaad is spinninnn', and it feeeeels alrigh'...

Bad luck! It could happen twice! Better check your past make sure you've been nice!

"I feel like I own the world! I could just do anything!" I say as I jump down the one and only step in my house that leads into the living room.

And might I add, not landing correctly.

The pain that emerges from my muzzle is unbearable. I even feel something trickling down my cheek.

I look at my hoof. It's covered in a dark crimson liquid.

Blood. A nose bleed. Fantastic. Spend a couple hours as a pony, and I already know how to injure myself.

Pushing away the pain, as well as the emerging tears, I blearily walk to my bathroom, and shove my face into a toilet paper roll that was on the floor. I watch teary-eyed as the egg-white roll becomes a dark crimson.

Ow, Owowow.

Why does it hurt so much?!

After 20 minutes of light sobbing, and nose-to-tissue action, the bleeding stops.

The pain however, has just gone from unbearable to ohgodthishurtsalot.

Managing to push back the tears, I slowly trot to my main room, and up to my desktop computer. Fortunately, it's still on.

Moving the mouse with both of my hooves, I slide the cursor to the Notepad icon on my desktop. I chuckle.

Ah, notepad. I'm too poor to afford Microsoft Word.

Grabbing a nearby pen, I turn my head sideways and start to click the keyboard keys, eventually writing a letter.

It reads:

        Dear mom,

        I hate to break this to you, but I kinda ran away. It's a long story. Check the news, you might understand.

        Don't come looking for me. It would only make this worse. and trust me, I'm not doing a bad thing.

        Agh, I have to stop. Typing like this sucks.

        Hopefully see you soon,

                                                Ethan.

Leaving that page open on the computer, I jump off the chair and head into my room. Grabbing my cloth satchel, I empty out what it contains. In my mind, I start to make a list of what I will need.

"Let’s see... I'm going to need money, my laptop, my phone, my Student ID card..."

I look around some more.

"Ah! This book, for sure!" I say, as I grab the book from my shelf, and stuff it into the bag.

"Oh, oh, I'm going to definitely need my iPod. Can't go anywhere without it. Pencils, Paper..." I continue to say as I shove the items into the satchel.

"I think that'll do it!"

Putting the satchel around my neck, I trot out of my bedroom, and into the kitchen.

"Man, I'm really going to miss this place for the time being."

Pushing back the wonderful memories, I trot into my mom's room. It has the only door I could possibly open into the outside. A sliding door.

Looking at the large hunk o' glass and plastic, I grab hold of the long handle with my teeth, and open the door.

Moving from inside to outside, I close the door.

I walk into the pouring rain, and feel cleansed as the food and sauce washes off my body with every drop of rain.

"Ah. Finally. Being clean, kinda. It feels nice!"

After about 10 minutes of nature's shower, I run around to my front yard, and stare into the street in front of me.

Wait.

"Where do I go now?"

...

"Dammit brain, think these things out!"

I curse under my breath, as I wander up the long and winding road, prepared for whatever the world has to throw at me.

-~

And that's all for awhile, folks. It was halfway written as I published the second chapter, so I finished it in the past couple days.

EDIT:

        Free cookies who can:

        1. Guess what book I would have brought. It's referenced a couple times.

        2. Get the other references in the story. There are a couple.

So yep.

Peace out.