SUP NERD?

I know it is never a good way to start something like this, but hey.

And then I was on a rooftop a fair distance away from the hell forest I used to be in. And by fair distance, I mean, like, the air tasted different. A good... 300 miles or something? The air tasted sweet. Yeah, sweet. Candy.

With open eyes I surveyed the world around me. Yeah. Rooftop. That’s what I thought. Overlooking a... Shop... Thing... Mall. That’s the word. Stupid word. There was a crowd around the mall, swamping my view of the doors. Lame. Laaaaaaaaaaaame.

“What have you gotten yourself into this time, Gilda?” I muttered, kicking the top of the roof. “Weird place, no excuse on how I’m here... No bullet wound.” Shit. I forgot the bullet wound? How the hell was I supposed to explain that away?

I’ll claim something something griffon healing.

No way that’ll-

Stop thinking it and just do it. With that, I was a predator again, and oozed confidence from all my pores like fine cologne. The good stuff in the fancy bottles I loved to smash if I could. I grinned widely. Here we go!

My keen eyes locked on to something that could only be ponies. Looks like the snake thing was right on target here. Ponies and humans and so many...

I landed behind the crowd and listened in for any reason on why they were blocking my prey. They were asking questions, so many of them that my ears were starting to hurt and my nerves were starting to twinge in that they hadn’t even noticed me standing behind them.

“All questions will be answered later!” A rather young voice, I could pick out through the low cacophony of the crowd. A few other words were snatched away like they were in the wind.

Then something strange happened. Like an electric shock, a bolt of lightning, something tingled at my very core! There was something in the air, magic, wind, something to get carried off by, like the very world itself was a stage for me.

...Shit, it’s a musical scene...

Oddly, it wasn’t overpowering, or any kind of similar to any of the other songs I had ever experienced. Gone were the dream drums of the heartbeat, gone was the simple harps which made up the most of the griffon music.

“Boys and girls of every age...” Hey wait a minute, I knew that voice... Wow. This was going to be an easy mission. Pinkie Pie herself, my quarry, belted out the first line. Go figure, right?

“Wouldn’t you like to see something strange...” She finished, looking a little amused for herself. I could just barely see her through the sea of reporters, and quite frankly, she looked absolutely ridiculous, with something weird helmet on her head which probably did nothing to help with her vision, and covered in... blue paint. And black paint. And white paint.

Snazzy as always, Pie.

“Come with us and you will see, this our town of halloween.” Shy? Is that... shy? She seemed... not half as pathetic as I remembered. Huh. Maybe she grew a spine? A flash of amusement broke through me as I considered alternatives. Or maybe someone else gave her a spine? Heh...

At this point I decided that announcing myself would be the best idea for me. After all, it wasn’t like this crowd of idiots with cameras were going to be moving anytime soon. I shoved my way into the mass of morons.

I heard a stifled REALLY get shouted out by someone, clearly young. I paused. How many ponies was I about to run into?

“This is halloween, This is halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night.” Someone said, a little exasperated. Oh come on. You’re doing it wrong, whoever said that! You don’t just interfere with the music! You embrace it, have a great time with it, use it to get things done! With music, you can overcom-

I sound like a sappy loser.

“This is HALLOWEEN! EVERYBODY MAKE A SCENE.” I took my feeling of inadequacies out on the loser camera people who DARED to restrict my passage. Screw them, this was my moment to milk all of the glory out of. They could all go to shards.

I heard ‘Shy make a gasping noise and almost knew for certain that she had taken a few steps back. Ha. Knew she didn’t actually grow a spine. I guess ponies can’t change.

A tiny voice in the back of my head pointed out the fact that I had been about to change myself and apologize to Dash when I got drafted for this mission, but I told it to go jump off a cliff with broken wings.

Almost as if Pinkie was somehow that voice in the back of my head, she was suddenly hurling herself through the air with more grace than I would ever have given her credit for, landing on my back. Ouch. “Trick or treat, till the neighbors come and die of fright!”

That was her singing, not me. I barely resisted the urge to seize her body and hurl her into the chat like some piece of rotten meat. Ugh.

“It’s our town, everybody scream! ...in this town of halloween.” A male voice called out, with a tone that reminded me of authority. Well, authority if authority decided to turn into a teenager with a sore throat. Eh.

“I am the one hiding under your bed, Teeth ground sharp, and eye glowing RED!” Stinkie Pie said from ON TOP OF ME. It was then that I had the feeling that she was doing this to tone back the intimidation factor of one as ferociously awesome as one such as I.

As such, I barely resisted the urge to see just how well she could recover from a hard talon fist to her singing face. Can’t interrupt the song after all.

HA! The crowd had parted and I was in front of Shy herself.

Shy, just like Should-be-off-my-back Pie, was in a ridiculous costume. Like a gothic doll or something. Honestly, she didn’t look that bad in it, but since I knew it was Shy trying to pull it off, it didn’t work at all.

“I am the one hiding under your s... stairs, feathers like snakes and spiders in my hair.” Pfft. How pathetic. She was trying to put a little distance between herself and I. And this was the pony who Cale had so desperately sent a message... to..

About getting shot...

I turned and shot Goth-Shy a hungry grin, a wicked one, a hungry grin, full of beak. Worry about it later, you idiot. How could you forget about that!

Well, you didn’t expect for Shy to be right next to the Pink Plague, did you? Of course you didn’t and of course they were together. Hell, they could be... dating...

I was so preoccupied I missed my line and someone else took it in a chorus.

“This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, HALLOWEEN!”

Dammit, I needed some drums in this song. I could barely carry on.

“In this town we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song!” Annoyingly squeaky and certainly-in-need-of-a-throat-lozenge chorused out, not even that bad.

The pink plague of any party used my back as a springboard and pounced, well, almost pounced on Little miss Gothic Shy. “In this town, don’t we love it now? Everybody’s waiting for the next surprise!” She spun like a stripper. I swear, with her body paint, she looked like a stripper with headgear.

Shy spoke up this time, taking another opportunity for my line. Dammit Gilda, get with the game or you’ll lose everything! “Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can, Something’s waiting now to pounce, and how you’ll...”

“SCREAM!”

I swear, if there was ever a time I wanted to agree with the portable party ruiner, it was right then and there. Shy jumped in the air like a marionette.

“This is halloween, red black and slimy green.” AND HERE’S MY LINE:

“AREN’T YOU SCARED?” ... Damn, I was hoping for a bigger line. I was aware, again, of the throngs of idiots pressing against me. I pushed them away. They were bloody lucky I didn’t make them unlucky and bloody.

Female voice this time spoke the next line. “Well, that’s just fine.” Then she took to flying. What the hell? And alicorn? What was I dealing with here? “Say it once, say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice! Ride with the moon in the dead of night!”

A regular human belted out a line. “Everybody scream, everybody scream!” Well, regular so much as he was human. He was dressed as the party plague.

“In our town of halloween.” They had enough voices in this song to be a miniature army.

“This is halloween, this is halloween, Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!”

An adorable filly, I mean, annoying filly dressed up in a green tunic like some kinda... I don’t know, whatever, broke out into a line. “Tender lumplings everywhere!”

“Life’s no fun without a good scare!”

“That’s our job...” Dinkie Pie stated, cutting off mid way.

“But we’re not mean...” FairyShy finished. She looked ridiculous, really, what was she even thinking?

They finished it again. “In our town of Halloween.”

At that, the music called me to take to the air. So I did. Look, I know it’s a little lame, but you don’t deny the music anything. ANYTHING. I would seriously do just about anything if the music demanded it. If you didn’t follow the music, well, bad things happened. You became the butt of the music, the down pouring of rain would follow you about like bad luck while every other person was blessed with the resolution of whatever problem summoned the magic to make everything resonate with song. As it was, I had probably already botched it, and bad luck was sure to follow me around. Dammit.

Call me superstitious, call me stupid, but just look at what happens when you aren’t a part of the singers.

“In this town, don’t we love it now? Everybody’s waiting for the next surprise...”

I was joined by another, and we were compelled to sing another line. This was kinda laame...

“This is halloween, this is Halloween,Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!”

I don’t claim to really understand exactly how it worked out, and am really quite ashamed to admit it ever happened, but somehow, I found myself in the middle of a pyramid of ponies.

“In this town, we call home, everyone hails to the pumpkin throne.” Annoyingly squeaky spat out. I really needed to learn her name.

“La la la, la-la la la la, la-la la la la, la-la la, la-la whee!” Somehow... Somehow...

Fine. Pinkie pie was on top of me, and so was the little filly. Happy? I admitted it.

The song stopped, and all was quiet for a few moments. Then the reporters burst into applause. Ha. Felt good to be admired.

As I sat there, and the applause died down, the pyramid fell apart. Flutterfail grabbed the tiny squeaky pony and carried her down from the pyramid, and then I jerked myself out of the pyramid, hoping that the pink abomination fell down and hurt herself.

Not badly, though. That might provoke another musical.

“Oh, and also, we’ve decided to go around this city and ask for candy while wearing funny costumes. Is that alright with everyone?” Pinkie said, after a long moment.

Hell to the no. NO. NOOOOO.

“Hell no, let’s talk.” If I had my way with it, I’d make sure they never moved out from here.