‘Wow,’ you think to yourself, ‘it’s really coming down out there. I wonder why he texted me, of all times, right now.’

You look at your phone again to see if you received any more messages. Thankfully, you have not received anymore mysterious texts from random friends at 1 a.m. But the message did seem rather important. You do not receive many texts from this particular individual, especially not ones like this.

“I need your help. Come over ASAP!” That is the entire text message. No specifics, no reason why, just your buddy asking for help.

You should not have gone. It’s 1 in the morning.

Well… It’s not like you were sleeping or anything. You were still wide awake, surfing the internet, doing whatever it is that you do on your computer at 1 in the morning (winky face).

Being the great friend you are, you put aside your nightly internet rituals to help a friend in his desperate time of need. However, knowing this friend for as long as you have, the thing he probably needs your help with making ramen noodles. Your friend is kind of dumb, but you love him anyway (in a complete heterosexual way. Save those dirty thoughts for later).

So, you hop into your old ass car, and start the drive to his house. You know where he lives, you have been there a few times to hang out and play video games or whatever it is you do with other heterosexual male friends of yours.

Did I mention that you’re straight?

Due to the fact that it is indeed 1 o’clock in the morning, it is really dark, and the constant barrage of rainwater is not helping your driving situation at all. You hate driving at night. You hate driving in the rain. You really hate driving at night when it is raining. Your friend better be happy you’re going there to help his worthless ass.

“I think I missed my turn,” you mutter to yourself. “No, I didn’t. The turn is… in… God where am I?”

You have no idea where you are, and neither does God. You do not recognize the area that you are currently in through the water that is falling from the sky.

You decide to press on anyway. You haven’t been living in this area long enough to be familiar with all the roads, so a few minutes of driving should put you back on some recognizable road.

After a few minutes of aimlessly driving around, you come across a very large bridge. “I didn’t even know I lived near a bridge.” You observe aloud. You decide to cross the unfamiliar bridge, and if nothing is on the other side, just turn around and try heading back.

You see other headlights on the bridge, but just a few. It is 1 in the morning after all.

You begin crossing the bridge and let your mind wander as the radio continues to play some new pop song that you already know you hate. How do people even listen to this stuff?

“Yankees and Orioles tied in first. Weird, usually the Orioles suck. That reminds me, my dad owes me 20 bucks. Broncos beat the Steelers last week. I’m a goddamn genius.”

Your inner monologue is cut short when you hear screeching brakes and feel your car jerk to the right. Your airbags all go off, and your face slams into the one protruding from you steering wheel.

The impact on your face hurts, but you try to ignore it in an attempt to get control of your car. You slam on your brakes, but you still feel like you are moving. You feel as if you are falling… Falling and spinning.

Your mind goes blank as the car suddenly stops, and everything goes dark…

==========

The alarm goes off far too early this morning. You are not a morning person. To you, morning is the worst time of the day. When you go to bed at 11, and have to wake up before sunrise every, single, day, it gets rather tiring.

You want to roll over and fall back asleep, but you know you can’t. You have to go to work. But that doesn’t keep you from wishing that your clock would just shut up, go back a few hours, and allow the world a little more sleep.

As usual, your wishes fall upon deaf ears, as the alarm does nothing but continue to beep its’ piercing, annoying, terrible blare. You swear inwardly at your misfortune. It doesn’t help any that the bed you have been sleeping in over the past few months is the biggest, softest, most comfortable thing you have ever touched. The bed probably has enough room to accommodate six full grown men rather comfortably. The sheets are the smoothest silk you have ever felt, and the pillows are SO SOFT! Why don’t people make houses and furniture out of pillows? That’d be cool.

You manage to turn yourself over on your right side after what feels like an eternity of the alarm’s incessant, cacophonous beeping. You slam your fist down upon the irritating machine and silence its’ terrible caterwaul. (Orange Vocab Book Words! Level H. Finally using them!)

Realizing that you’re rambling now, you finally decide to physically get up. Well… not quite yet. You decide to just open your eyes and look around. You are greeted by your normal surroundings. Dark purple walls bathed in the pre-morning moonlight, making them appear even darker than usual, the bathroom door on the other side of the room, the massive golden doors leading in and out of the room that are protected by Royal Guards 24/7, and two French doors leading out to an uncomfortably high balcony.

Your brain is still in a bit of a fog from waking up at this ungodly hour, but you try to remember what you have to do today.

‘What time do I have to go to work today?’ you think to yourself. ‘Is it Wednesday? No it’s Saturday… I think… Whatever, it doesn’t matter. What do I have to do today?’

You never find an answer to that question, as you are dragged out of your thoughts by sensing the presence against your back. A white leg wraps around your stomach, and physically pulls you until the back of your body connects to the front of the one behind you.

“Good morning, my dear,” you hear the most beautiful and elegant voice whisper into your ear.

You turn your head slightly, and gaze at the most beautiful thing you ever seen laying behind you, cuddled up to your back. A white, regal, utterly gorgeous mare, looking at you with a soft smile. Her magnificent multi-colored mane flowing in a breeze that you can’t feel, but must be there if her mane and tail are always floating around like that. You always ask her about it. She just says it’s magic.

“I don’t care if it’s magic,” you typically respond. “You still gotta explain shit.” But she never does.

“Good morning, honey.” You respond, trying, and failing, to suppress a yawn. “You are looking lovely as ever today.”

Her smile grows a little wider as she tilts her head forward, and plants a kiss delicately on your lips.

“Why thank you my dear. You are such a flatterer.” She says, still keeping her tone tantamount to that of Fluttershy’s. “Did you sleep well? We were both rather tired last night.”

You give a knowing smile to your beautiful princess. “I always sleep well with you, Celestia.” You give her a quick kiss of your own. “I just hate having to get up.”

She rolls her eyes and smiles playfully. “Are you saying you do not enjoy my sunrises?”

You smile and sigh. “Once again, my beautiful Princess, you have taken my words completely out of context. I love your sunrises and all, they’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. I just don’t want to go to work.”

“How about you try running a country, raise and lower the sun, and go to work everyday in the same job for a few thousand years?”

You chuckle. “All right, all right, I get it. You work harder than me, you have a more stressful job, etcetera, etcetera.” You turn over so you’re facing Celestia. You wrap your arms around her back, pull her chest into yours, and bury your head into her neck.

“But,” you continue, “that doesn’t mean I can’t be tired too.” With your head buried in her neck, your voice is extraordinarily muffled. You probably sounded more like “mmph dmmfph mmm I kmmt mm mmrmmd moo.”

Celestia places her chin on top of your head. “I know sweetie. But I never said I was tired. I love mornings.”

Celestia is one of the only creatures in the WHOLE universe that can wake up in the morning, and be truly and genuinely happy. You on the other hand, are perhaps just ever so slightly less thrilled that it’s morning. When you wake up, to a terrible, frantic, high pitched alarm clock in the dead of night, how can you not be happy?

Just kidding. You are homicidal on the average morning. Even before coming to Equestria, you were never a morning person. Whether it was getting up for school, work, or just naturally waking up, if it was too early, you were pretty pissed. And God help anyone who woke you up before you wanted to get up.

Sleeping next to Celestia has definitely assuaged your usual morning anger. Falling asleep has never been easier. Back on Earth, you slept alone. You may have had trouble sleeping at times, but not too much trouble.

Here in Equestria though, sleeping has never been easier. With a gorgeous woman pressed against you all night long, how could you not rest easily? Of course, when you first started sleeping with her, the 15 inch dagger coming out of her head scared the crap out of you. But things get much easier after a while, and soon, it was no longer a problem.

Celestia, when standing, is a few inches taller than you. However, with the addition of her horn, she is a good foot and a half taller. Due to her height advantage, and her dominating personality, she more often than not plays the role of the big spoon when cuddling. Her natural domineering personality is probably due to the fact that she’s a Princess. You figure that as ruler of a country, people don’t often tell you ‘no’.

Despite you being a man, you don’t mind being the little spoon at all. You actually enjoy it. Having someone hold you all night is an amazing feeling. Not to say that you have never returned the favor to Celestia, but she always seems to prefer being the one pressed against your back.

After what only feels like a few seconds of cuddling, you feel Celestia begin to get up.

“Nnnoooo,” you groan. “Stay in bed… with me. Forever.” You hold Celestia down onto the bed with your arms and snuggle closer. You don’t want to get up, and you don’t want her to leave you.

You hear her laugh that elegant, refined laugh she does so well. “Honey, we both need to get up. The sun doesn’t raise itself.”

“It does where I come from,” you mutter.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” you respond quickly. “…I guess I’ll go shower then.”

“Good boy,” Celestia responds as though you were a dog that just learned to sit. “But,” she continues, “you need to let go of me first.”

You sigh. “Fine.” You kiss her, and slowly release your grip.

Celestia kisses you back, gets up, and begins making her way to the French doors leading out to the balcony, high above the Equestrian capital city, Canterlot.

You watch Celestia as she walks away. Her swaying flanks and tail have you temporarily hypnotized, and you can’t take your eyes off of them. The way they move back and forth so perfectly is enough to drive anyone mad. And it does. Her flowing multi-colored tail stops you from seeing anything you aren’t supposed to, but you really want to.

She slows her walk, turns slightly, arches her back, lifts a foreleg, and looks back at you with a sultry smile.

“Enjoying the view?” she asks, not even trying to hide the amusement in her voice.

All you can do to respond is nod like an idiot. She laughs and continues walking towards the doors. ‘She is so beautiful,’ you think to yourself. ‘Only problem is that she knows she is beautiful, and that I’m just her pet… Oh well, I don’t mind being her pet as long as I get rewarded for my tricks.’

The room is illuminated in the golden light of Celestia’s horn as she uses her magic to open the doors, and makes her way outside. Once she walks out, you decide you should probably take that shower.

You raise your naked form from the massive bed and shuffle your way across the cold tiled floor towards the bathroom door. As you reach the door, you see the sun beginning to make its’ way slowly over the horizon. You don’t care much for sunrises. Sunsets are beautiful, sunrises are inconvenient for your sleeping.

You open the door and commence with your morning rituals. You use the toilet, your grand shower (which you adore), deodorant, brush your teeth. Surprisingly, Equestria actually has Colgate brand toothpaste, but it tastes like Crest. The similarities between this world and yours have never ceased to amaze you.

You look at yourself in the mirror hanging above the sink. You look at the various small cuts still on your face and your short hair. You actually look pretty good with abnormally short hair. However, you are developing some stubble on your chin.

‘May as well shave,’ you think to yourself. You get out a razor and shaving cream and begin shaving. It surprises you that razors and shaving cream exist in this world. Somehow, ponies are capable of growing facial hair on top of their fur. It doesn’t make any sense to you, but you’re living in a world with talking ponies and sleeping with a Goddess. Not much sense to be made here.

As you are in the midst of putting some shaving gel on your face and neck, Celestia enters the bathroom. You see her reflection in the mirror.

She looks over at you. “You didn’t wait for me?” she asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

You shrug. “You told me to take a shower.” You run the razor down the side of your neck. “I took it as a command, I suppose.”

Celestia’s reflection grows in the mirror. You hear her hooves clopping across the tiled bathroom floor. “And since when did you have to start listening to me?” you hear her stop behind you.

You spin around and quickly kiss her on the lips, getting a little shaving cream on her upper lip, before looking into her big, radiant purple eyes. “Since we’ve been sleeping together I guess.” You smile and turn your attention back the mirror and run the razor down your sideburns.

Celestia scoffs and rubs a hoof across her mouth. “Then why is it, my dear, that despite my futile attempts to tell you otherwise, you continue to go pranking with Luna? Especially at odd hours of the night?”

Your smile widens. You love to go pranking with Luna. She’s like a five year-old in an adult’s body. Not to mention that she’s also Princess and Goddess of the Night, who at one point in time, lead massive, bloodthirsty, barbaric armies, and won many great victories. Luna, at one point was one of the greatest warriors in the entire world, next to Celestia. Just the idea makes you laugh. Times have really changed.

Celestia continues her rant. “You shouldn’t be encouraging her, you know. She may be the second oldest being in the world, but she is one of the most immature. Not to say that I do not love her, for I do, with all my heart.” She pokes a hoof at your back. “But pranks should be lighthearted and good-natured, unlike yours.”

You roll your eyes. “A good-natured prank… like the ones you do?”

Celestia nods. “That’s right,” she says matter-of-factly. You look at her face in the mirror. Her eyes are closed, she has a slight smile, and her head is held high, as if she is proud with herself.

You roll your eyes. “Your pranks are boring. They’re hilarious, but too… spontaneous, I guess is the word. Luna and I plan days ahead of time for a good prank. And it’s not like anypony gets hurt.”

“Are you saying I am incapable of pulling a decent prank?” Celestia asks. You see her place a hoof on her chest as she raises her eyebrows in mock shock.

“Hmm,” you ponder. “Well, when you put it that way…yes. I am saying I can out-prank you any day.” You move the razor so that it is positioned underneath your left eye.

“Have I ever told you about Shining and Cadence’s wedding?” you see her smile.

“Yeah, a little bit." You move the razor down your face. You don’t like hearing the story from Shining and Cadence’s wedding. Shining was brainwashed, Cadence was almost killed and hidden away beneath the castle, Twilight and her friends were almost killed, Equestria was almost conquered by strange shape-shifting creatures, but most important of all, Celestia was almost killed. Your Celestia, almost killed at the hands of these creatures. Just the thought of it almost sends you into a rage. You quickly calm yourself down in order to listen to the rest of what your Goddess has to say. You move the razor underneath your other eye.

You ask yourself, ‘What from their wedding could possible make Celestia smile?’

“Did I tell you that I put our little Spike in charge of Shining’s bachelor party?” her smile grows.

Your arm jerks, causing the razor to effectively cut your cheek underneath your eye. You swear as you turn on the faucet and begin splashing some cold water on your face. You hear Celestia laughing as you do so. You love her laugh, even if it is directed at you.

You definitely were not expecting Celestia to say that. You have known Celestia to be a bit of a troll, but this is a step farther than what you would normally expect from her. You are genuinely surprised, and there is now a cut on your face to prove it.

You grab the hand towel lying next to the sink and begin to dab your face, wiping away the water and blood. You’ve cut yourself before when shaving. It doesn’t hurt, but it stings, and it’s annoying. You tear a small piece of toilet paper which hangs next to your porcelain throne, and press it against your cut.

Celestia is still laughing hysterically as you attempt to respond.

“There are so many things wrong with what just happened,” you say, throwing your disposable razor into the trashcan. “One being that there is nothing funny about me injuring myself on your behalf, Princess,” you mock glare at Celestia as she continues to laugh. “Now I’m going to have a cut on my face all day.

“Second, why would you put Spike in charge of a bachelor party? He definitely has not matured, in his ten year lifetime.” Or however old he is. “He probably doesn’t even know what a bachelor party is!” you exclaim, throwing your hands in the air.

Her laughter grows quickly before eventually subsiding. After an eternity of her laughter, she calms down and leans forward to kiss you. “I know,” Celestia says smiling as she pulls away. “But it was really, really funny.”

Celestia leans in and nuzzles your neck. Ponies don’t hug very often, but you think they make up for it easily by nuzzling. Her fur is so soft against your shaven neck.

You respond by putting your arms around her neck and pulling her in for a hug. You love hugs.

“I’m going to shower now,” Celestia says, barely above a whisper as she continues to nuzzle you.

“All right hon,” you pull away. “I’ll get dressed then?”

“Sounds good,” Celestia smiles as she enters the massive shower.

After all your morning rituals have been completed, you are feeling much more awake then you were 20 minutes ago. But, if you had to opportunity to, you would definitely go back to bed.

You feel the burn mark on your lower right back as you stretch. It used to hurt a lot, but after a dozen trips to the doctor and the spa, it’s merely an inconvenience.

You walk out of the bathroom, and immediately notice that sun has been raised. You only had the light in the bathroom dimmed, so the bright light of the sun makes you recoil slightly and rub your eyes.

“I hate mornings,” you mutter bitterly.

You blindly walk towards the general direction of your bed as you continue to rub the sleep from your eyes. This happens every morning. You get up, shower, exit the bathroom, and spend the next half hour complaining about how the sun hurts your eyes.

Celestia is usually in the bathroom for the next thirty minutes or so, doing whatever it is that Goddesses do to prepare for the day, while you wait outside. You throw off your towel and sit your naked form down onto your unmade bed. You really want to go to sleep, but you have work.

You decide to lie on your bed, partially under the blanket, and close your eyes until Celestia gets out of the shower.

Your mind wanders to a number of things. Most mornings, when sitting on the bed, waiting for Celestia, you will only think of Celestia. But mainly, what she is doing in the shower. Your mind on the average morning is very dirty, but it helps wake you up.

You think of your old family, your old friends, your old problems. None of which you need to worry about now. You’re not even on the same planet.

Thinking of this begins to depress you, so you start thinking of work… which depresses you a little, but not as much as thinking about your old home.

You think of your current job. A Lieutenant in the Equestrian Legion. After weeks of training and schooling, you easily graduated top of your class. You attribute that to the fact that you are the only human this world has ever seen. Back on Earth, you never would have gone through officer school and graduated top of your class. Not even in your dreams.

But in Equestria, you did. You are physically stronger than most ponies. You can’t kick harder than them, but you can fight much, much better. And your skills with a sword are unmatched. Unicorns will wave them about with their magic, but it’s much easier to control the weapon with hands.

It’s not like becoming an officer in the Equestrian Legion is exceptionally difficult. An officer in the Royal Guard? That’s next to impossible. But not in the Legion. Considering that Equestria hasn’t been to war in hundreds of years, the Legion is basically just for show. Granted, if there ever was a war, you would go and fight… and win of course. But, the chance of war breaking out is highly unlikely, which just leaves you with a lot of paperwork to fill out.

The Royal Guard is constantly working. Those golden-clad warriors are everywhere. On the Castle Walls, at the Castle Gate, in various places inside the Castle, flying above the Castle. Even right outside your bedroom doors.

Their military training is much more strenuous than what you endured in the Legion, so they seem to take their job much more seriously. If somepony even looks at the Princess in a funny way, those guys will beat the crap out of him and throw him in a cell… at least, you would want that to happen. You doubt Celestia would ever allow anything like that to occur under her rule. She is much too kind.

You decide to get off the soft mattress, lest you fall asleep again. You rise and stroll on over to the open French Doors which lead out to your massive balcony. You see your marefriend’s kingdom. It is grand, beautiful, and absolutely perfect, just like her. You see the peaceful town of Ponyville in the distance. You love Ponyville. It was the first town you ‘visited’ upon arriving in Equestria.

You look up at the beautiful sky. The rising sun turning the colors of the sky various shades of yellow. The sun is basically raised, but not entirely. The sky is still yellow, and the sun…

You look at the sun and immediately regret it. You legitimately looked at the sun, like an idiot. You shut your eyes tightly; thinking the tighter you shut them the quicker the pain will leave you. You place your hands over your eyes as you turn back into the bedroom.

“Mornings…Suck…” you mumble.

You feel the unmistakable sensation of lips on your cheek. “Mornings are the best time of the day,” you hear Celestia say matter-of-factly. You didn’t hear her leave the bathroom, but you guess she did.

“Says the goddess of the sun. It is literally your job to love mornings. Bed time is the best time of the day.”

“Oh, quit complaining. We need to go to breakfast, right now. So get dressed in something suitable, and let’s go.” Celestia always sounds so excited in the morning. She kind of reminds you of a kid on Christmas morning, who just really wants to go downstairs and see what they got.

But it isn’t Christmas time in Equestria, or whatever they call it. On 364 days of the year, it isn’t Christmas time. Yet, Celestia is always so eager to get the day started. She does the same thing, almost everyday, but she is still always ready and willing to do it. This baffles you.

“But ponies don’t wear clothes,” you reason, lowering your hands from your face. “So maybe I shouldn’t wear clothes.”

Celestia bites her lower lip. “I wouldn’t mind it at all if you didn’t wear anything, dear.” She gives the back of your neck a kiss as she walks behind you, rubbing her body against yours. “But it was your decision to get clothes in the first place.”

“Well, after spending my entire life in clothes, I find it rather difficult to even think about walking around everywhere naked.” You walk over to your dresser next to your side of the bed and pull out a pair of boxers. Considering all of the clothes in your dresser were made by a pony, they are really high quality.

“I’m just saying I wouldn’t mind you walking around like the rest of us,” Celestia says as she walks over the ponnequin holding her golden necklace, crown, and 4 horseshoes.

You smile as you slip a pair of shorts on. “But I thought you liked that I wasn’t like the rest of the ponies and various creatures here. Why else would you be so madly in love with me if I was just like everypony else?”

Celestia laughs. “Because you’re just sssooooo good in bed. Why else?”

“Damn right I am!” you proudly exclaim. You always knew you were amazing in bed, but it’s always good to have your girlfriend admit it too.

You finish putting on all of your pony-made human clothes, including your pair of sneakers, and walk over to your Princess. Considering ponies don’t wear sneakers, they were pretty expensive, despite the poor quality. But you can hardly complain. They weren’t made by a human. Your last pair were ruined in your ‘accident’ you had upon arriving in Equestria.

You give Celestia a quick but loving kiss on her lips as she finishes putting on her clothing as well.

“Now come on, let’s go get some breakfast. Everypony else is probably waiting.”

You place your arm over her shoulder, and she places her wing around your back and side as you both walk down to the Royal Kitchen.

==========

The rest of the royal family was already there, going through whatever morning ritual each follows every day.

They were all sitting at the massive dining table, on their seat cushions, in the middle of a much larger room. The sun shined even brighter in this room than in your bedroom, which you didn’t like at all.

Neither did Luna. Of all the ponies that are not morning ponies, the Goddess of the Night is definitely among them. Most of the time, Luna tries to come to breakfast, just to spend time with her immediate and extended family. But she hardly ever says anything. She is exhausted after having worked all night. She sits at one of the end-seats at the unnecessarily long table, staring at the same spot she does every morning, sitting over a strong cup of coffee. Some mornings though, she will just go to bed until night falls again.

You wouldn’t describe Luna as nocturnal. She is often awake during the day. Whenever you go see Celestia in the Throne Room during the day, she is usually there. All of her work, no doubt, must leave her exhausted. Especially after 1,000 years of not working at all.

Luna is more carefree than her older sister. She is a few decades younger, and occasionally acts like a child. She is pretty awkward, which is absolutely adorable, and loves pranks. Sometimes the both of you would just go out and prank random ponies, Royal Guards, or your favorite target, Prince Blueblood.

Prince Blueblood almost never comes to breakfast. He loves to sleep in. Who can blame him? If he wasn’t so much of an arrogant prick, you might be friends with him. He is so easy to prank. Who would have thought that something so simple as changing his wardrobe would piss him off so much?

Then, there is the lovely Princess Cadence. Like Luna and you, she is not a morning pony. Her morning schedule consists of getting up, taking an immediate shower and coming directly to breakfast. She doesn’t put on a crown or anything to go to breakfast like Celestia and Luna, she is just wearing her pink bath robe, with her wet mane hanging to one side of her head.

Every morning, the both of you will have a bowl of ‘CelestiO’s’. It’s rather strange that a cereal is named after the ruler of a country. Back on Earth, there wasn’t anything called ‘ObamO’s’. Surprisingly though, CelestiO’s look and taste just like Fruit Loops. Cadence sits to Celestia’s right on the opposite end of the table from Luna.

Shining Armor is his own story. He basically skips into the damn dining hall, cheerful as a pig in shit, and barrages everyone with questions that no one besides Celestia is in the mood to answer. You love Shining and all, but in the mornings, you want to kill him with your cereal spoon. He and Celestia will always get a legit breakfast consisting of pancakes or waffles, cereal, milk, oranges, apples, etc. They will eat and talk as happy as could be, while you and Luna sit far away from them, and more often then not, mock their cheerfulness.

Shining sits across from his wife, on Celestia’s left. Whenever Blueblood comes to breakfast, he will always sit across from you, and next to Luna. Blueblood does not like you or Luna at all. He knows you pull pranks on him. He doesn’t like the idea that there is another addition to the Royal family, and apparently, has never liked Luna.

It doesn’t matter anyway. He is usually a prick. Sometimes you can hold a decent conversation with him, but those occurrences are extremely rare. Only when the planets align do you have a normal conversation with Blueblood.

You walk into the Dining room, still in Celestia’s embrace, to find everything the way it is every morning. Luna staring at the table, looking exhausted, Cadence in a bathrobe, looking equally as tired, and Shining eating various breakfast foods voraciously. Blueblood’s seat remains open. ‘Thank Christ!’ You think but would never say in front of Celestia. For her sake, you and Blueblood pretend to get along.

You share a kiss with Celestia as you both let go and make you way to opposite ends of the table. The Dining room in Canterlot castle is kind of like a restaurant. A waiter comes up, asks what you want from the kitchen, and you can ask for absolutely anything, and they’ll make it for you. If you wanted, you could even ask for meat, but you never do. Celestia wouldn’t want you to, and the chefs would probably vomit all over it.

Only one of the six seats at the table is a real chair. It belongs to you. All the other seats are cushions. Giant pillows. You like to sit on them and all, they’re very comfortable, but when you do, only the top half of your head is above the table. When ponies sit on them, their height doesn’t change at all. Simple physics. You pull out you chair and sit.

You ask for the usual and wait. You turn to Luna.

“Hey Luna.” You yawn.

“Mmm…” is the only response the dark Princess has to offer.

“How is my favorite Princess of the Night?”

“Tired.” She responds curtly.

“…”

“…”

“Last night was beautiful.” You hope to start some conversation. Most mornings you and Luna will talk about something. Anything.

“We know. We made it that way.” Luna responds modestly.

You can’t help but laugh. “You’re funny, Luna. Y’know that?”

“We did not until now.” She always responds using the Royal ‘we.’ You find that to be absolutely, undeniably, adorable. But the Royal Canterlot Voice, is absolutely terrifying. First time she used that voice on you, you nearly emptied your bowels where you stood.

“How was last night? Anything interesting happen in the great city of Canterlot?”

Luna smiles now. A truly mischievous smile. You begin to get worried. ‘Why is she smiling? She never smiles in the morning.’

“Oh, y’know, nothing too unusual.” Luna begins, her smile never faltering. “But, I did hear this one noise, around 11 o’clock, maybe?”

You begin to get nervous, you know exactly what she is talking about. You decide that playing dumb is the best strategy.

“Hmm,” you pretend to be interested, “that’s strange. I didn’t hear anything last night.”

“Oh, I bet you did.” Her smile is growing even bigger now, and she looks directly into your eyes. “I bet the pony making the noise I heard is in this room right now.”

“You don’t say.” You wish she would just drop it and stare at the table again. But she shows no signs of stopping.

“We do say,” her smile gets a little bigger. “In fact, I may just ask my dear sister about last night’s disturbance. It is our Royal duty to tell her, you know.”

You don’t want this to be brought up in front of Celestia. She may die of embarrassment. You decide to stop feigning ignorance and just talk about it.

“Luna,” you say, “you are such a perv.”

Luna laughs and exclaims, “We knew it!”

You try to quiet her down. “Yes! Luna, you’re right!” you whisper harshly. “Now just sit down, drink your coffee, and stare at the table. OK? And don’t tell anypony about what you heard. That was a private moment.”

Luna does not stop laughing and begin pounding the table. “You should see your face! Priceless!”

“God damnit Luna.”

You hear Shining’s voice from the far end of the table. “What are you guys talking about?” he asks curiously.

“Nothing!” you immediately blurt out without thinking. “Hakuna matata!”

“Hakuna matata?” Cadence asks.

“It… means no worries…for the rest of your days.” You know they don’t get the reference, but that doesn’t stop you from trying. They shrug and turn away.

Luna has finally calmed down from her maniacal laughter enough to sip at her coffee. The occasional giggle escapes her lips every few minutes, but breakfast continues in relative peace from then on.

You finish your cereal and orange juice, and prepare to leave the table. You decide to whisper something to Luna before you go.

“Luna, please, for the love of Christ, do not tell Celestia that you heard us last night. I’d prefer that this only comes up in private conversation, or at an opportunity to embarrass Blue, OK?”

“Relax,” Luna giggles. “I wouldn’t tell my sister anything like that. Your disturbing little secret is safe.”

“Thank you.” You respond, genuinely relieved. “Oh, and by the way, you’re sick.”

“Why don’t you go to work?”

“I plan to. Good day to you, oh Princess of the Night.” Luna rolls her eyes at your display.

You rise from your seat, bow to Luna, and walk to the other side of the titanic table. Everypony else in the Royal family are rising and are preparing to leave. You pass by Candence.

“Good morning Princess Mi Amora Candenza," you say with a deep bow.

“You know I hate it when you do that. And I thought I told you to stop calling me by my full name.” She responds, slightly amused at your unnecessary theatrics.

“Personally princess, I love your name. It’s almost as pretty as your new mane style.” You say pointing to her now dry mane still hanging over her robe.

“Oh horseapples!” She exclaims before bolting out of the room.

Shining seemingly appears next to you. “Wow,” he says. “I’ve haven’t seen her move that fast since out honeymoon.”

You don’t know how to respond. “Dude, that’s hot.”

“I know. I was there.”

You decide to change the subject. “So Cap’n, wanna get a drink tonight?”

Shining just looks at you incredulously, as if you just asked the dumbest question in Equestrian history.

“What?” you ask laughing at his expression. “Afraid you’ll lose another drinking contest to an under aged mare?”

He shakes his head as if clearing it from whatever he was just thinking about. “Ha ha.” He laughs sarcastically. “For the record, she was a pretty heavyset mare. How was I supposed to know she could drink so much whisky?”

“She had a bottle of moonshine as a cutie mark for one. You’re such a lightweight I bet your librarian sister could outdrink you.”

“Shut up.” He laughs. “Anyway, back on topic, I can’t go drinking tonight, and neither can you.”

This baffles you. ‘I can’t drink? But I can drink. I drink all the time.’

“What are you talking about?” You respond, very confused. There are no drinking laws in Equestria pertaining to humans, so you can drink whatever and whenever you want.

“It’s recommendation week.” He responds as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. You just look back at him as if he just told you pizza was a vegetable. “This week,” he continues, “all the officers in the Equestrian military have to review each and every individual soldier they are immediately in charge of. That means you,” he puts his hoof on your stomach for emphasis, “have to right 80 different recommendations.”

You are shocked. You didn’t know you had to do any of this. As a Lieutenant in the Equestrian Legion, you should have heard about this at least a few days ahead of time. Not the morning in which you have to start.

“That’s bullshit.” Is the only way you can respond. Shining just has to be lying.

“Think whatever you want,” he says as he begins to leave, “I gotta go get started now.”

You watch him exit the dining room, and decide to see if he is telling the truth.

Celestia is now the only one at the table, reading the newspaper and sipping at her tea she has every morning.

“Honey?” you call to her.

“Yes, dear?” she asks without looking up from the paper.

“Do you know if military officers have to write recommendations today?” you respond a little nervous.

“I do not know, sweetie. What the military does as far as promotions does not really concern me. Why don’t you know?”

“I was never told apparently. Ugh, whatever. I better get going to see if Shining is being serious or what.”

You begin walking over to your marefriend. Only when you reach her side does she finally look up from the newspaper.
“Bye baby,” you say before kissing her. The kiss is not a long one, but loving nonetheless.

“I’ll see you tonight, honey,” Celestia responds as the kiss breaks.

You walk out of the dining room, passing various unmoving Royal Guard ponies. You eventually reach the front doors leading out to the giant set of golden stairs, and walk through, ready to get your day over with.

You descend the castle’s main grand staircase and walk out of the heavily guarded gates. After living in the castle as long as you have, you believe you know essentially every single Royal Guard here, despite the fact that they all look the same. All unicorns are grey, pegasi are white, and you have never seen an Earth Pony guard before. Shining told you that their armor is enchanted to immediately make either a Pegasus or unicorn white or grey. Which is awesome.

You are tempted to make conversation with some of them, but you know it won’t work. Royal Guards are much more disciplined than other soldiers, and while on duty, they will never speak. They aren’t allowed to talk to each other, and especially not a member of the Royal Family, which you technically are, without special permission from Shining or one of the Princesses.

The guards are pretty friendly guys, it’s just a shame they decided to choose a career in which they take a metaphorical vow of silence.

You walk along the crowded street, towards your ‘office.’ There are ponies everywhere today. Ponies going into stores, ponies walking through the marketplace, and ponies seemingly wandering aimlessly about. You think about what the average pony does during the average day. You think about their daily problems. Their everyday worries…

Then you throw those thoughts out of your skull as you remember you supposedly have to write 80 recommendations for 80 different soldiers. You don’t even know all 80 soldiers you’re in charge of. These ponies you see on the street may as well not have any problems relative to you. As a Lieutenant, you are in direct command of a ‘Century’ of soldiers. Each Century, oddly enough, contains 80, not 100, 80 soldiers.

You love your Century. They're great soldiers, but none of them really deserve to be promoted. They're good guys, just not that good. And even if they were, you wouldn’t want anything about them to change, not even their ranks. Everything’s just fine the way it is.

But that is a pretty selfish thought. A promotion means more respect and a higher pay. You owe it to them to at least try. Even if it will be a pain in the ass.

You finally arrive at the barracks of the 1st century, 1st cohort, 1st Equestrian Unicorn Legion. The First Unicorn Legion is stationed all over the city of Canterlot. Royal Guards and legionnaires can act as police officers when needed, but are usually never needed. Canterlot is a pretty peaceful place.

The barracks is a pretty small building. It’s just large enough to house all 80 of your soldiers. There is a weight room on the first floor, a shower room, a huge public restroom, and a fairly large cafeteria. There are a ton of beds on the second floor, but it is not mandatory that all 80 soldiers stay every night. There always have to be at least 15 soldiers inside the barracks at any given time, in case of an emergency. Most legionnaires have families and homes, so they generally choose to go to them if they aren’t ordered to stay in the building.

You walk in through the front door at exactly 7:15 in the morning, and immediately enter the lobby. No one is in the lobby. There isn’t a reason to be, there isn’t anything in the small room. You walk through another door and enter the weight room.

Upon opening the door, you are immediately confronted by a truly noisome odor. Pony sweat. You used to think that your dad sweated a lot. Relative to ponies, he may not have sweated in his entire life. When ponies work out, they manage to work up a sweat just by stretching. It’s not that they’re out of shape, because they most certainly aren’t. You make sure of that. You figure it’s because of their fur or something. You don’t take too much time to think about it, you just want to get into your odorless office.

Only problem is that your office is on the far end of the weight room. You begin your daily walk through the room, and are greeted by the usual faces. Ponies lifting weights, practicing various spells, or just standing around and talking. Most acknowledge you with a torrent of “morning Lieutenant” and “hey Lieutenant, how’s it going?”

You respond kindly to most of their greetings. However, most ponies decide to take a more jocular approach. You hear some whistling directed towards you, the same kind of whistling one would hear by construction workers when an attractive female strolls by.

You turn your head towards the sound of one of the whistlers, and you see your best friend in all of Equestria: Sergeant Mace.

Sergeant Mace has been in the Legion for three years or so. He has a grey coat, a silver mane, and, obviously enough, a medieval mace as a cutie mark.

“Hey!” you hear him shout out to you. “You’re fifteen minutes late!” He gives you a smile. “Have another ‘rough’ morning? Or did you stay up a little too late last night?”

Some ponies turn towards you and await a response. You want to say that’s exactly why you’re late, but you could never say something like that involving Celestia. At least not in public. She is their Princess. Their Goddess. Talking about her like that seems degrading. Everypony in the room, and essentially the entire country, knows you and Celestia are together, but you never talk about yours and her private life with anypony.

You decide to respond as neutrally as you can. “If I say yes will you shut the fuck up?”

He smiles and salutes, “Yes, sir! And I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”

You smile and continue your walk through the crowded room, greeting essentially everypony on the way, before finally reaching your office. You open the wooden door, and look around the room as you always do. Your gaze eventually falls upon your desk.

Your jaw immediately hits the floor and your body locks up as you see the enormous stack of papers sitting in the ‘in’ bin.

“D’ah shit.” You swear to yourself. “I guess Shining wasn’t kidding.”

You take a few moments to simply stare at your desk. So… many… papers…

‘This is going to take me a year to finish!’ you exclaim internally. ‘By the time I’m done with this years’ recommendations, I’ll have to start next years! This… is… Bullshit!’

You finally regain control of your body, and begin shuffling towards your desk. You pull out your custom made swivel chair, and take a seat. Due to the fact that the average mare only comes up to a little past the end of your ribcage, you needed to order custom furniture to use outside of the castle. Most stallions come up to an inch or so below your shoulder. Celestia’s and Luna’s furniture accommodates you quite nicely, but nothing else will.

You pick up you favorite quill, dip it in the ink jar, take the first sheet, and begin writing...

==========

You have been writing for far too long. You don’t know exactly how long, but you know it’s been at least a few hours, judging on how your hand feels. You’ve been writing so long, it hurts to flex your writing hand. Now is probably a good time for a break.

You lean back in your cushioned chair. ‘Last night was absolutely amazing,’ you think to yourself. ‘Celestia was so loud that even LUNA could hear her! And she lives in another tower! Sleeping with a goddess is so awesome.’

You’re torn away from your thoughts when you hear your door open. You look up to see Mace poking his head through the door.

“Hey, buddy.” He greets. “Wanna go out to lunch? I know a place we can eat for free if you take all your clothes off.”

You can’t help but laugh. “As tempting as that sounds, I’ll have to pass.”

You glance up at the clock. ‘Shit,’ you think, ‘It’s already 12:30.’

“Oh come on! We were relying on you for lunch today! How about you just take off the shirt? That should give us a discount.”

“You don’t understand. What I should have said was, ‘I’m not going to lunch today at all’. At least, not with you guys. I’mma get Celestia and me lunch. From that deli on Mane Street.”

He waves a dismissive hoof as he approaches your desk. “Pfft. That places is OK, I guess. But we were going to go out to a bar! A bar! You love bars! You should come. I know how much you love chicken wings.”

You have to suppress the urge to gag. “Mace, bars in Equestria don’t have chicken wings. They have ‘chicken wings.’ There is a big difference.”

“Like how?” he responds incredulously.

“Well for one, it’s not real chicken, it’s tofu.”

“Of course it isn’t real chicken! That’s disgusting!”

“Second, it tastes like dirty socks covered in bleu cheese. Which tastes awful. So I’ll just stick with sandwiches.”

“Fine.” He admits defeated. “If you need me, you know where I’ll be.”

“You have 30 minutes to get your flank back to the barracks. And no drinking. You remember what happened last time, right?” you smile knowingly.

His face turns red. “I-It could have happened to anypony. In my defense, he looked really, really feminine!”

“Just get out of my office.” You realize that ponies are not very good drinkers. They are either out-drinking each other on a very small amount of alcohol, or getting wasted so badly they pick up a male prostitute without noticing. You’re not saying you’re a great drinker, but relative to ponies, you are the God of Alcoholic products.

“Fine, fine.” He turns around and exits the room. “See you later, buddy!”

“See ya.” You rise from your chair and prepare to leave to get yourself some lunch.

==========

You leave the deli with two styrofoam containers holding yours and Celestia’s sandwiches. As always, you got yourself and Celestia a daffodil sandwich, containing lettuce, mayonnaise, black peppers, daffodil pedals of course, sunflower seeds, all on wheat bread.

It took you a very long time to get used to the flavor, and for your body to get used to the various vegetarian products, but you eventually did, and now you eat plants. You used to hate eating vegetarian, but now… you still hate it. It sucks. You would kill for a steak, or a hamburger, or a bacon sandwich, or ANYTHING containing meat. You haven’t had meat since the day before you came to this world. You’ve thought about killing a cow and just eating it where it lies. But then you notice that cows, like a lot of animals in this world, can talk, and have feelings. So, you’ve never actually killed and eaten a cow, and probably never will. But you have considered it.

You usually wouldn’t get wheat bread, but you have been gaining a little weight recently, so eating a little healthier shouldn’t hurt. You like to blame your weight gain on the fact that ponies love to eat sweets. Who doesn’t? But the quantity in which they partake in the sugary snacks is absurd. It surprises you that the life expectancy in Equestria in well into their 80’s. You would’ve thought that ponies would be dropping dead in the streets because of diabetes. Their obsessiveness with sweets has caused you to eat them far too often as well. Not a very good life choice, but one you make regardless.

Celestia will always take an opportunity to tease you about your growing stomach, something that has gotten pretty old, pretty fast. Despite being in the military, you still manage to gain weight. Whatever. You’re eating healthy for lunch today. So that kinda balances everything out, right? And it’s not fair that you can’t tease Celestia about her weight. She always looks perfect.

After justifying your right to eat as many sweets as you want, you finally reach the front gates of the Castle. Your home.

You approach the front gates, manned by the generic looking white pegasi in golden armor that you see so frequently around the castle. You are about to walk right through the gate, but a pair of wings stop you.

You look down and see two pegasi stretching out their wings, and giving you a piercing glare.

“Halt!” The one on the left yells immediately. “State you business.”

You freeze. ‘What?’ You think to yourself. ‘I can never recognize any of the guards, but surely they can recognize the only human in Equestria.’ You don’t recognize their voices either. The only discerning feature about the Royal Guards is that their voices never change.

“Umm…” you respond dumbfounded. “What?” You can’t think of anything to say.

The one on the right is giving you a suspicious look. He’s looking at you like trying to figure out an impossible physics problem. “What the hay are you?” he finally questions.

“I’m a human?” you ask, more in a questioning tone than a statement. For the moment, it seems you have regained control of your brain and motor functions. “I’m here to see Princess Celestia.”

“Look buddy,” the one on the left says, clearly annoyed with you, “unless you have an appointment, I’m going to have to ask you to vacate the premises.”

“…” You are too confused right now to respond. ‘All the guards know me! Why won’t they let me in?!’

“Or we will be required to remove you from the Castle gates by force. Please, move along sir.” He responds, taking a step towards you.

The guy on the left is clearly ready to attack you, while the one on the right still seems to be trying to figure this problem out.

You hear a voice coming from behind the two guards. “Hey! Human! What’s up?”

You recognize this voice. The unmistakable voice of none other than Corporal Archer. Although he looks like every other guard you have seen, his voice is kind of nasally, and easily recognizable. He quickly approaches from behind the guards questioning you.

“Sup’ buddy?” He asks, confusing the two guards originally questioning you.

“Not much,” you try sounding casual, but end up sounding very, very confused. ‘Why does everypony call me ‘buddy’?’ you wonder. “I’m, just ah, wanting to go in the Castle? Y’know? See my girlfriend? I brought her lunch, wouldn’t want her to go hungry.”

“Well sure, no problem. Getting to know the new guys?”

‘What?’

“What new guys?” this probably shouldn’t be as confusing as it is, but you are pretty confused right now. ‘Probably just cause I’m hungry,’ you reason.

“You know,” he responds as though it were obvious. “Private Blitz and Candy Cane here,” he gestures towards the two guards.

‘Candy Cane? Strange name for a ‘ready and willing-to-die Royal Guardspony’.’

“They just finished their training,” Archer continues.

“I didn’t know they were new. You all look the same to me.”

‘Wow. That sounded kind of racist.’

“I just wanted to go in and they won’t let me.”

“What?!” Archer shouts, causing the two gatekeepers to jump and quickly stand at attention.

“Are you bucking kidding me?!” Archer continues, now moving beside you and in front of the guards. “What? Do you two live under a rock? This,” he gestures towards you, “is the one and only human in Equestria! Everypony knows he lives here!”

The guards are now looking extraordinarily nervous upon being berated by the corporal. The guards you have seen are always stoic, even when being yelled at by Luna or Shining. These two are definitely new if they were afraid of being yelled at by a corporal.

Archer does not stop. “He is a Lieutenant in the Equestrian Legion! You know what that makes him?! A damned officer!

“Not only that,” Archer continues, “but he is also courting our beloved ruler, PRINCESS CELESTIA!”

Now the guards are really nervous. You can see it in their eyes. You know they know they fucked up, but Archer is probably taking it a step farther than necessary. You could’ve just said, ‘oh you’re new, it’s OK, I’ll be on my way now that you know who I am.’ But not Archer. No. He needs to yell at these poor new guards. And you want to watch.

You could’ve stopped him at any point during this, but you really don’t want to. It’s just so entertaining. And it’s nice to have somepony acknowledge how important you are to Celestia, and, therefore, all of Equestria.

Archer just keeps on yelling. “Do you have any idea what Celestia would do to you if you didn’t allow her boyfriend in the castle?! I’ll tell you what! You’d lose your damn jobs faster than you can blink! Not to mention being arrested for general stupidity!”

Archer’s unrelenting torrent of insults reminds you of a Marine Drill Sergeants’. Those guys could make anyone, even the devil, stand at attention and yell “Yes, Sir!”

“The next time either of you screw up like this, I’ll have you both cleaning the latrines, for the rest of your natural born lives! Do I make myself clear?!”

“Yes, Sir!” Private Blitz and Candy Cane shout at the same time, still at attention, still looking straight.

“At ease!” Archer yells. The aforementioned guards move their legs slightly further away, but are still basically at attention.

“Lieutenant,” Archer addresses you. “I pray that you will accept my apology for this delay in your busy schedule. I didn’t-“

“Don’t worry about it Archer,” you interrupt. “They’re new. They didn’t know. Somehow. It’s OK. And don’t worry,” you whisper to him, “I won’t tell Celestia or Shining what happened.”

Archer looks much more relieved and cheerful than he did a few seconds ago. “Thank you so much. That truly means a lot to me.”

You shrug. “What are friends for?” You walk past the two guardsponies, finally on your way to the castle. “Good day, gentlemen.” You look back again to see them snap to Attention. You sigh inwardly. New guys…

==========

You are finally back in the castle. After the little excursion outside, you are not in the mood for any more delays. You just want to see Celestia. At the risk of sounding cheesy and/or whipped, you admit to yourself that you did miss her, despite only being separated for about 6 or 7 hours.

Thankfully, all the guards on the inside of the Castle seem to know who you are. These guards simply open the doors for you, and you walk through. Simple as that.

'Stairs suck,’ you think to yourself after climbing your third set to reach the Royal Throne Room. ‘Why don’t ponies have escalators or something? I should really talk to Celestia about putting an elevator in here.’

After finally ascending the last staircase on your journey, you begin yet another long voyage in search of the Throne Room. The Castle is pretty big, so getting from place to place on foot tends to take up a lot of time.

After a few minutes of walking, you finally round the corner to the entrance of the Throne Room. But…

Instead of seeing the great golden doors to the grand room closed, they are wide open, with a long line of ponies standing there, waiting to enter the room.

‘Damn,’ you think. ‘I forgot today was when Celestia met with regular ponies.’

A couple days a week, Celestia will allow ponies to schedule appointments, come into the castle, and have her personally deal with whatever problem it is they seem to be facing. Of course, doing so is a very long process. Ponies have to schedule appointments far in advance, and security is always really heavy around the gates and the Throne Room on these days.

Luckily for you, you are Celestia’s boyfriend, and have the liberty of walking anywhere in the Castle you want, and nopony and can tell you ‘no.’ Except Celestia, of course, but she never does.

The line of ponies is rather long, and you don’t have an appointment…

‘Eh. Who cares?’

You walk past the line of ponies, looking straight and holding your sandwich containers. You’re not entirely sure, but you’re almost positive you can see the ponies in line giving you dirty looks as you pass them unmolested.

‘That’s right, little ponies. Be jelly of my power!’

You continue to waltz right by your little ponies directly into the Throne Room. The Throne Room is a very large room, and inside, is an even longer line of ponies. The room’s walls are purple, like most of the walls in the castle. There seems to be thousands of stained glass windows all along the walls, depicting famous scenes from Equestrian history. The windows are partially covered on the far edges by dark purple drapes. Everything seems to be purple. Except for the red carpet, that leads up to Celestia’s throne that is risen atop a golden platform. At the very far end of the room, sits the beautiful Celestia, on her beautiful golden throne, flanked by two Royal Guards.

Even at the far end of the room, you can tell Celestia is bored. She is listening to somepony bitch about something that probably doesn’t concern her at all, and is trying her best not to yawn or look disinterested. Nopony would ever be able to notice, but she is definitely bored. You’ve known her long enough to know when she is pretending to be interested in something. Only the trained eye would notice something so subtle about the goddess.

The only other beings in all of Equestria who would be able to tell, besides you, are probably Princess Luna, who doesn’t appear to be in the room right now, and Twilight Sparkle. As you approach the Throne, seemingly unnoticed by the Sun Goddess, you begin to hear what the pony is bitching about.

“It’s that darn Weather Factory Manager, Princess!” The angry stallion before Celestia practically shouts. “He is purposely not watering my vineyard properly! Some days, it rains far too hard when my trees do not require water! And on others, my trees are in desperate need of water, yet, not a single drop falls!”

‘Really? This guy is complaining about the weather? Celestia doesn’t even control the weather! You’re an idiot.’

You decide it is about time to play the role of ‘The Knight in Shining Armor’ and save your damsel in distress from the boredom she must tragically endure.

“I do not know why Princess,” the pony continues, “but the Weather Factory Manager is out to destroy my business and my beautiful vineyard. He simply must-“

“Hey honey!” You shout in greeting, about three-quarters of the way through the room by this point.

Both the complaining stallion and your fortunate Princess look up to see you. The stallion looks pretty pissed. You can hardly blame him. Being interrupted is extraordinarily annoying, but so is having to listen to somepony bitch about a problem that is one: not in your control; and two: not really a problem anyway.

Celestia, however, looks relieved that you’re here. The smile on her face suddenly seems more genuine as she gazes upon you. But, she is still working, and your unprofessional attitude may be considered as controversial.

“Good evening, sweetie,” she responds in an even tone. “I’m sorry but I can’t help you right now. I’m working.”

“Don’t worry hon,” you yawn. “I brought you some lunch.” You hand her the box containing the sandwich, and she grips it in her magic. “I wouldn’t want you to go hungry. We all forget to eat, especially after working as hard as you have.” You kiss her cheek.

This isn't the first time you've brought Celestia lunch. But it is the first time you've brought her lunch with a line of annoyed ponies behind you. You couldn't care less of what they think of you, so the dirty looks you are inevitably receiving at this very moment do not bother you. Thankfully, Celestia doesn't seem to mind either.

Celestia could easily have the ponies working in the kitchen make her something, but eating out every once in a while is good for you. At least, you think so.

“That’s very thoughtful of you, dear,” she whispers, pulling you in with her giant wing, “but I need to get back to work. And these ponies do not seem pleased with your interruption.”

“That’s fine, keep working. I just want to sit her with you for a little while.”

She smiles at you, kisses you on the lips, nuzzles your neck. You and Celestia are no strangers to showing your affection for each other in public; it gives the gossip magazines something to write about. You take a seat as she asks the complaining stallion to continue with his story.

You decide to sit next to Celestia, on the floor, considering there is only one chair, and eat your sandwich. Her throne isn’t even a throne really. It’s basically just a raised platform, made of gold, with a large cushion at the top. Ponies usually don’t sit in chairs. They exist, but they generally prefer to use cushions or bean bag chairs.

You listen as the stallion complains about his vineyard. You couldn’t care less. You just sit there and think. You begin to think of you and Celestia doing very dirty things on her throne, but decide to stop those thoughts immediately, lest you become aroused and are forced to walk back to the barracks, through the streets of Canterlot, with a raging boner.

You finish your sandwich far before the stallion finishes his story. You check your watch, and notice you used an entire hour for a lunch break. Being an officer has its’ privileges, but you still have a lot of paperwork to do. You sigh.

You get up and prepare to leave the Throne Room, but are stopped by a force on your arm. Celestia grabs your arm, not with her magic, but with her forelegs, and pulls you in for a hug. After pulling you in, she wraps her giant, white wings around your body, and squeezes you tighter.

“I love you,” she declares for all her present citizens to hear.

“I love you too, honey. I’ll see you later tonight, OK?” you respond.

She takes a deep breath. “OK.” She slowly releases her grip on you, but not before giving you a deep, loving kiss, right in front of all her subjects.

The world seemingly melts around you two, as you are lost in a euphoric sensation. You become unaware of the line of ponies as you kiss. You wish it would never end.

But all good things must come to an end. As does your loving kiss with your Sun Goddess. You both slowly pull away at the same time, and slowly open your eyes. Celestia’s radiant purple eyes welcome you back to reality, as you become aware once more of the ponies in the room. Nopony speaks. Nopony moves. Just complete and utter silence.

She quickly nuzzles your cheek, before saying goodbye another time.

“I’ll see you tonight, my beautiful Princess.” You say as you finally turn and begin the long walk out of the room. The complaining stallion doesn’t say a word until you are almost entirely out of the room.

==========

The walk back to the barracks is an uneventful one. As they usually are. The guards at the Castle’s gate, now being able to recognize you, allow you to pass with no words exchanged. Just the way it should be.

You reach the barracks and, as it usually is after lunch break, almost completely silent. You walk through the library and into the weight room, to only see one pony lifting weights. After lunch break, most soldiers choose to go on another break. You can’t blame them. Equestria is a very peaceful country. They haven’t been to war in hundreds of years, so a military is just for show.

Every couple of months or so, the 1st legion will get dressed up in their shiny silver uniforms and march in a parade through the streets of Canterlot. That’s really all you do. You’re just for show.

So most soldiers will spend their afternoons napping, playing cards or various games, or, pretty rarely, exercising.

You’re not really concerned though. You have too much work to do to care what they do. As long as they’re sober and in the building, it doesn’t really matter.

You walk into your office and are greeted by the familiar scene of paperwork piling up, higher and higher on your desk. It’s going to be a very long day.

Fuck…