Alone. No pony or roommate to bother me for the moment.

In a way I was more comfortable like this. Even if my mind was now in danger of slinking back toward the various thoughts that had bothered me since Etherea showed up, at least while in my room I didn't have to worry about whether anyone else would sense anything. I was effectively 'safe' for the moment and that was a feeling I thoroughly enjoyed. If only I could just stay here.

With the door shut behind me I turned to examine my room again. The princess' stuff was back on the little nightstand. When had she...? Right, alicorn. As I came around the bed I noticed that the stacks of drawings, though still hidden under the same human sketches I'd placed on top, were more neatly arranged than I'd left them.

I made a quick circuit around the room but nothing else had been touched. Or at least didn't seem to be. My computer - by far the most important thing in the room - was thankfully normal as well, the internet light in the back blinking dutifully at me.

Feeling secure in my haven I finally got out of my work clothes. Or at least as secure as an unlocked bedroom could be, which led me to check the door every few moments. I half-expected to see it creep open a crack and a curious violet eye to peer in. I wasn't sure what I'd actually do if Etherea were to do that but I didn't get the chance to find out. I guess Etherea just wasn't that curious.

Nah. She was probably just considerate.

Now Craig on the other hand would gleefully shove the door open and just walk away. My eyes became glued to the stationary slab of wood guarding the exit to my room. At least until my pants were secure.

On exiting my room I was met by an empty hall and the sound of a filling toilet, though Dimble soon scampered by. We took a moment to greet each other and he finished his journey to my room with a freshly-scratched chin. The bathroom was open and the light out so I guess Etherea had finished her business. I still needed to figure out how she...

No, actually I didn't. It would just remain the latest of the world's great mysteries and be better for it.

For the second time in as many days I found myself in front of my bathroom mirror wondering about the man I was. Was that the face of a horse fucker? Not unless I actually fucked a horse. Maybe. Did it count if you just thought about it? A lot.

Not that Etherea was actually a horse. So it didn't really count, did it? I didn't feel entirely confident telling myself 'no.' And worse, there was absolutely nobody I felt safe asking. Sure there were my fellow Bronies, but I didn't actually want to admit this to anyone, nor could I expect a truly serious answer when the entire world still considered my situation a silly fantasy at best. So other than just mulling it over constantly in hope of an answer, what could I do?

Not much.

So again, even though I was a little dismayed with my own thoughts, I wondered how soon I could be rid of the princess. If she were gone there should be fewer thoughts bordering on bestiality.

As I exited the bathroom and headed back to the living area I had to admit that my reluctance didn't mean I wouldn't enjoy looking at her while she remained. And probably lamenting to myself for...

ETHEREA WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!

Less than a foot of space separated the golden-yellow pony from me as I stepped around the wall into the living area! I had two choices: hit her pelvis-first or not. One choice...

My hand hammered palm-first right on the base of her tail, smashing it into her rump with enough force to send a ripple across her haunches and catapult her hind legs forward. Her haunches set the example and her back followed by arching. That in turn pitched her front forward and off her hooves.

The half-whinny, half-shriek that blasted from the other end of Etherea had the treble clef begging for mercy and at the same time shoved twin searing needles in to my skull through my ears. I think I added my own cry to the moment but my senses were too overloaded to confirm. I might not have been the only one.

My eyes fixated on those back hooves as they touched down one after the other. I was royally fucked! I only had the sparsest of moments before they curled back up under her and lashed out straight backward! My only hope was the rearward momentum I'd gained by effectively punching her in the ass. But I had no time.

Then her haunches flexed. I was a dead man.

Her hooves didn't lift! Instead they shoved at the carpet and propelled her forward!

The soft rear of a pony that I'd been using to reverse my course suddenly disappeared, leaving my hand flailing in the open air. My left foot had been on its way back but wasn't braced yet. Only a blind grab at something solid to my left saved me from following Etherea forward. I wobbled on one foot for a moment, trying to redirect my misplaced foot as my eyes tracked the yellow blur streaking toward the kitchen.

Etherea would have been galloping if she hadn't cleared the living area in only two massive bounds. A contrail of vibrant blue whipped the air behind her into a frenzy and curled itself around the kitchen island as she slid sideways across the linoleum. She managed to pull herself behind the island, and the sounds of hooves scraping the floor and her tail snapping against wood nearly buried the soft thump of her hitting the far cabinets.

And then everything went silent. Relatively. There was single high-pitched note softly crying out the ache in my ears. Yeah, I had been right. The princess had a hell of a voice in her.

I shivered as my foot found a suitably stable placement and I sucked in a trembling breath. I'd like to think that I'd been calm, but the truth was it was just a delay in the shock. My body finally let me know it was ready to go. Like I needed it now that Etherea was all the way across the apartment...

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?"

My head snapped around at Craig's shout. He was halfway between lifting himself back on the couch from having dropped off onto the floor. One hand was on the cushion behind him and there was a partially-crumpled beer in the other. The couch and surrounding carpet sported another smattering of small damp spots.

Perfect! I was going to be sleeping there some time later.

More movement drew my eyes up and right. Toward the window. No...

I wasn't sure how, but my eyes eked out even more width on finding someone standing outside on the sidewalk not twenty feet from the window. Sure the blinds were still drawn, but the shape could be nothing else. And they were animatedly looking around.

Our eyes met. I dimly noted the faint sheen on his jacket, the cap that cast his face in shadow, and the tiny point of red light that could only be a cigarette. His features were mostly obscured by shadow but I still recognized one of the regulars from another of the buildings. No wonder Etherea had been standing in the doorway; she had been practically face to face with some random human. But had he seen her?!

One bulging eye peeked at me around the wooden barrier protecting the princess. She didn't look like she'd be visible from her there but it was dark out, and the apartment well-lit, so it would be ridiculously easy to...

SHIT! Why did I look over at her?! If that guy suspected anything then I'd just tipped him off! After that scream I'd be surprised if there was anyone in the complex who wasn't wondering what was up.

The vibrations from my nervous hands were carrying clear up to my shoulders. "Craig... We've got a problem."

What do I do about the guy outside the apartment?! I don't think I could pass the princess off as any kind of dog, but it depended on how well he had seen her. But if he'd gotten a good look at her, then what? If they ran for help... Well, I was pretty much screwed because I wasn't willing to do the kinds of things it would take to stop a fleeing person.

Or they could want in on this. After all, this alien wasn't doing anything more frightening than simply existing, and actual, live aliens were a huge fucking deal! The guy could just be curious.

But I didn't want anyone else involved! The situation was already dangerous enough as is, much less involving even more people. I still didn't know whether she, or we, could catch anything from each other.

Though that point had already been thrown out the window when I'd gone to work today. Fuck! I was such a dead man! My heart leapt back in to my throat to escape the near painful clenching in my stomach.

Wait. The guy outside was moving. Their motions were slow and careful, heading to the right. I could see their head swiveling back and forth every few moments. They weren't focused; that was a search pattern. They'd heard Etherea but they didn't know what was going on. She hadn't been seen! At least not yet.

Craig stepped into my line of sight and broke my focus. He was scratching one side of his head while looking back and forth between the front door and the now vacant scene outside the window. The thoughtful frown was a completely alien look for him. But at least he seemed calm.

"Well shit." Or maybe not completely calm. He leaned to one side to better look in Etherea's direction before turning back and giving me a quick once over. "Jesus dude, you look like hell." He pressed his lips into a line and the muscles in his cheeks worked for a moment. "Don't worry, I got this. I think." A pause. "Yeah, I got this."

I got to see something else I'd never expected from Craig: marching quickly. Etherea ducked back out of sight as he passed by to the front door. I guess he'd noticed because he flashed her that easy grin while pausing with his hand on the knob. Too bad even that showed strain at the edges.

He raised a finger to his lips before turning back to the door and slowing cracking it open. He poked his head out once he had enough space, looked around once, and then opened it enough to step through.

"Hey man, did you he..." The door clicked shut.

Another oppressive silence descended around me. I tried my best not to breathe as though disturbing the quiet might make something worse jump out at me. Like more angry ponies teleporting in from Equestria.

But I noticed that it wasn't completely empty. The sound of someone else's rapid breathing was breaking through the fading ringing in my ears. Etherea. Oh, she sounded terrified! I heard a gulp and then the gasping breaths picked up again.

Since Craig was outside I was going to have to solve the other end of the situation. I shifted and gingerly inched one foot in the direction of our kitchen. A short wait followed but nothing else happened. My other foot softly carried me another step closer. It wasn't until I only had a single corner of the island between me and the princess - a curl of azure hair and a few sprawled feathers visible - that I realized what I was doing. I was getting closer to a pony who probably wanted to kill me!

What was I even going to do? Apologize for pretty much molesting her? I'd just screwed up horribly again; but what else could I have done? Would tripping bodily over her have been a better option? I... I had no idea.

Like any good no-win situation I had been stuck between two terrible options. I just wanted this all to go away, and considered simply retreating back to my room and hoping that would work. Probably not; I doubted Etherea would let go of what had just happened. I wasn't sure how fragile whatever we'd built this afternoon was but the tension in my gut refused to leave - it felt like I'd just taken a sledgehammer to my mother's best china.

So here I was, and in spite of my body resisting every forward motion I made, I needed to see how Etherea was. Curiosity killed the Alex...

Wide purple eyes and a golden-yellow muzzle tipped with distended nostrils greeted me from the other side of a bedraggled blue mane. Etherea was laid out across the narrow space between the island and cabinets, her front end slightly elevated from being jammed against the wood where her head pressed against the side of the island. Slender legs lay wherever they happened to have fallen and her wings quivered against her flanks.

For a moment Etherea just stared up at me with her eyes pleading something that I couldn't catch. Then her whole body tensed. In a flash narrowed eyes and bared teeth conquered her expression and were shoved at me.

"What in... the name of everything... harmonious were you DOING!?" Her hiss was a hair quieter than a normal indoor voice but carried an edge that should have gutted me.

She rolled and got to her hooves before lurching toward me. She didn't actually come that close but her anger pressed me back like it was a physical force. I couldn't take my eyes away from those blazing violet orbs which were swimming in barely-held tears.

"Why would... I, arrrhh...! Just WHY, Alex?" She managed to keep her voice to a manageable hiss but the strain left her chest heaving.

"It was an accident alright?" I copied her hiss right back; nobody outside needed to hear this. Even so, Etherea lowered her muzzle and lifted her shoulders without taking her eyes off mine. Oh shit, that was a bad sign!

A new feeling welled up through the spaces between my fears. She was angry, I got that, but this also wasn't entirely my fault. I wasn't going to let her kill me without a fight. My own anger, bolstered at the unfairness of it all, burned away nearly everything else. Yet even then I had the presence of mind to haul back on my own reigns and keep some rationality.

"I didn't know you were standing right fucking there!" I violently swung my left out and toward the hallway. "What was I supposed to do?! I didn't mean to hit you that hard. Hell, I didn't mean to hit you at all! I'm sorry! Alright?"

She'd flinched when my arm snapped around. Her eyes again went wide but it had the intended effect; she stared, and her body still shook, but at least her aggressive posture relaxed away. For a minute we remained that way; her breathing heavy and rapid and my every nerve bursting with pent up energy.

Amazingly it was she who blinked first, her eyelids squeezing hard enough to leak some of that collected moisture and her body giving one powerful shake. A solitary hiccup escaped her lips and she settled heavily and shoulder-first against the island as her rump met the floor. Motion near her haunches was her tail curling protectively around her.

"Y-you... You promise?" Her eyes eased open and met mine. "That this was all an... accident, I mean."

For a moment I didn't do a damned thing. All this pent up energy wouldn't let me believe that that was it. That I wasn't about to get in a fight. But Etherea seemed so small while half-collapsed like that.

I leaned back against the wall, forcing my hands to unclench. "Yeah. You told me not to touch you and I'm still following that as a rule."

She just nodded. I guess even she wasn't going to question earlier being a momentary exception in my mind. It was, after all, quite a bit safer for us to strictly follow that rule until or unless someone voluntarily forwent its protection.

As the adrenaline burned itself out of me for lack of an external fuel, a tense coldness settled into my limbs. The exhaustion from earlier returned, and though I was still too wound up to yawn, I found that the floor was a very welcoming position for my own butt. I leaned my head back and stared up at the cabinets in the distance, wishing for the umpteenth time that this would just end already. My heart gave a last few heavy thumps in agreement before finally reaching a more stable rhythm.

A small groan brought my attention back to the alicorn slumped just a few feet away. "My horn's feeling better but now... everything else hurts."

Her statement was so strange. It was just a simple fact that, completely devoid of complaint or accusation. I couldn't really place it; nor was a response easily offered. I kept my silence for obvious reasons even if I did raise an eyebrow.

"I have slipped, fallen... knocked my hooves and knees, hit one... wing and then the other... And now my, um, rump hurts. Why cannot this just be over with?" Those were my exact thoughts!

"I know exactly how you feel." I flinched. I hadn't meant to speak. Damnit! Nothing for it now though.

And now Etherea was eying me tiredly. "You...?"

The doorknob turned with a clarion squeak of metal on metal. My attention switched to the door - I'm sure both of ours were. My proximity became apparent as the large wooden object started to swing toward me. With sudden speed belying my exhaustion I scooted sideways and onto the nearby carpet, though I didn't actually get up. Etherea followed the same sorts of motions placing herself deeper into the kitchen and closer to the far end of the island.

"...know right? Yeah so I'll let you know, k?" Craig paused as someone outside voiced some kind of acknowledgement. "Alright man, take care. And you too mister Avery." Craig's rear more fully entered the apartment, and as the door swung to cover the opening I heard someone heading up the stairs over the entryway.

Mister Avery was our neighbor from above and the only person I'd ever seen get Craig to follow any amount of formality. He was an imposing African American with an even larger wife and I'd often wondered about the apparent chip on his shoulder - he'd once nearly jumped down my throat for failing to specifically greet his wife when I'd said 'hi.' I'd never had the courage to ask about it and didn't ever expect to. But as long as people were friendly and considerate, he was a hell of a nice guy.

I'd only received a very pointed comment from him for my perceived infraction; knowing Craig, I can only imagine what he'd been put through.

Now the question was how much had mister Avery heard? My gut clenched right back up. Given the volume we'd used at points over the past few days he probably had a pretty good idea about who was down here. Well, maybe not what, but certainly that there was some female with us.

He also had a standing agreement with us that if he ever fought too loudly with his wife that we should just knock and tell him to shut the hell up. He didn't want to bother the police. Frankly neither did we, though we'd never felt the need to bother him about any noise. We really did not need him coming down to give us the same 'courtesy!'

My eyes were glued to Craig as he turned. God, I hoped he had managed to dissuade any further curiosity into our apartment. I kept still while trying to convince myself to be calm that Craig had handled things. Craig, on the other hand, jumped back when his eyes finally tracked low enough to find me sitting on the floor. It was good he'd done so before stepping on me.

"Jesus, dude! What the fuck are you doing right there?!"

"Resting..." Because I'm tired. Because I'm frustrated and completely spent. Because it's comfortable. Because this is where I ended up. I couldn't say all of that with one breath so I opted for nothing. I'd sort it out in a minute.

"Riiiiight... So what...?" His eyes found Etherea even as he began to ask. "Alright. What the hell just happened?"

I took a deep breath, let it out, and...

"Alex touched my butt." I sputtered incoherently at that. There was no regality or eloquence to it, just a tired, hurting pony bluntly stating the bare facts. Craig's eyes tried to jump from his head as he looked from her to me. Then back again. His eyes darted between us a few times more while his mouth opened to voice absolutely nothing.

I was more than a little confused at Etherea myself and leaned to get a better look. She was just kind of staring at the wall beside me.

"When I... saw that other human I-I panicked. Alex did not know I was standing there and... ran in to me." Her eyes finally focused, drifting up to Craig as her muzzle lifted. "Am... Am I safe here?"

"Errr... Yeah." Craig's fingers found their way to the back of his head and began digging gently through his unruly hair. "You should be. The one dude didn't actually see anything. Mister Avery's been wondering what we've been up to but I promised that we'd keep it down and he's cool with that."

Craig had his mouth open to say more but I needed to know something. "But what did you tell them?"

"Oh, um, just that you had some girl from your family over who'd been through a tough time and needed some time away from everything. Mister Avery's heard you," his eyes went to Etherea, "down here so I couldn't just pretend I knew nothing." He took a moment to breathe before turning back to me. "You guys must have been yelling real loud. I mean he's never mentioned any of our music or the TV or anything, but he's noticed you two."

"Y-you lied to your neighbors?" Etherea's question ended in strident incredulity.

"Well yeah." The poor princess' eyes looked fit to pop from her skull. "What did you expect? That I'd say 'hey, there's this talking pony living my apartment, no big deal'? I dunno' how the Feds would really act, Alex there's smarter about that kind of thing than me," thanks Craig, "but I agree with him that we can't just let everyone know you're here. So I told a little fib so you'd be safe. What's the big deal?"

I could think of a dozen reasons why ponies, if they were anything like those in the show, would object to blatant deception like that. It seemed awfully far-fetched though. Would any real, intelligent creature actually be able to object to a helpful lie? There was no way Equestria was so utopic that lying didn't exist!

Etherea didn't look very happy, but she did shut her mouth. Folded ears, hunched shoulders, and downcast eyes told me just how strongly she felt about it, even if she said nothing.

And as bad as I felt for seeing her like that, I still had to give Craig credit for being so damned insightful. "Thanks Craig, that probably helped a lot." Cheesy as hell, but it was the thought that counted. "And yeah, this is humanity's first alien first contact here. With actual aliens. We've seriously fucked it up right from the start, and I'm more stressed than I've been in my entire life, so I'm not surprised Mister Avery has heard us."

I didn't stop. I couldn't. My mouth was going somewhere and I was just unhappily along for the ride. "Etherea over there is hurt and scared." That earned me a frown! "She's probably worse off than I am, and since we... since we're the source of, um, the other's problems it's like we're setting each other off every chance we can get. Yeah there's been yelling. I abducted a fucking pony Princess for chrissake! And then every time I turn around...!"

"Woah dude..." One of Craig's hands rose almost placatingly. And him looking almost stern? Why the hell not. It wasn't the weirdest thing to happen recently. "Alright, I think everybody needs to just chill and take a load off." That grin of his began forming again and his brown eyes practically twinkled. "Alex, you got the food, right? Tell you what, you get it ready and I'll get the princess all comfy and stuff. Then we'll all have a nice quiet evening where nobody tries to kill anyone."

Etherea leaned away from Craig and her ears alternated which one was pointed at him, her eyes tracing a cautious line down his body and then quickly back up. She clearly wasn't at all sure about this. I should say something reassuring.

"You're not going to hurt her, right?" And that's what I came up with? Fuck! I was such an idiot!

Craig's confused look quickly transitioned to a careful nod down at the princess. "Of course not. We're just gonna' set you up with the best seat in the house." Craig stepped around the island and strode purposefully across the living area. About halfway to the couch he checked over his shoulder and found that the princess hadn't actually moved. She was just watching with her muzzle down a little and her ears halfway to folded.

"Aww, you don't gotta' be afraid now princess." He crouched down to her level and waved her over, his voice soft. "It's just a couch. And I know what you're thinking," I think both the princess and I blinked, "but he's gone. You got nothing to worry about now." His head inclined toward the window.

Etherea followed the motion but then she leaned back and looked to me. Why did she look at me?! My thoughts crashed headlong against my surprise and I came up with a whole lot of nothing. But in the long moment it took to sort things out Craig had already spoken again and drawn her attention back.

She'd been looking to me for reassurance, hadn't she? Damnit! And I'd flubbed that by just sitting there like a lump. Why couldn't I ever come up with anything better?

But in the time I spent berating myself Etherea had slowly gotten her hooves under her and taken a handful of painstakingly cautious steps away from the kitchen. She edged one side of her face past the sill of the window, her mane swinging between blocking my view and not as she scanned back and forth.

Satisfied by what she saw - or didn't - and egged on by Craig's insistent motioning, she crept along under the window in a sort of half-crouch. As she moved she kept her weight on her left rear leg as long as possible, only using her right rear for the shortest of stints.

Great. Another injury on the princess to add to my list of shame.

With a heaving sigh I got to my own feet and as Craig finished coaxing Etherea onto the couch I pulled the two pizzas from the freezer - one four cheese and the other with peppers and mushrooms. Hopefully the princess was okay with those options.

Even from the fridge I could feel the warmth of the oven. The kitchen didn't make for a good sauna, but it was trying hard. Sliding the pizzas in was actually unpleasantly warm and I was glad to be away from there. When I turned back toward the living area Craig was just stretching out on the floor under the window with his feet toward the TV, fingers laced behind his head, and the remote perched atop his stomach. Etherea, though laying on the couch and resting partially on one side with her chin on the cushions, didn't look nearly as comfortable. Her wings were held stiff and close and she had one ear fixed on the window.

I wanted to do something to make up for earlier but I had no idea if I could. Hopefully Craig was right about her and this movie. Speaking of which... "So Craig, what did you get anyways?"

"Eh, 'Love Actually.'" He lifted the remote as I stepped across to sit down in front of the far end of the couch.

I stopped with one hand down and my butt halfway to the floor. "Wait, isn't that a really romantic British movie from a few years back?"

He simply shrugged. "I guess."

"No, it is. I remember seeing it once. It's about a whole bunch of different people falling in love and how they do it."

He twisted his head to look at me sideways. "I didn't know you were in to these things, man. Maybe there's hope for you yet." There was that grin again. "Get a few chick flicks like this, bring home a girl, show her one of these so she can see how sensitive you are, and she'll get all cuddly in no time. Cuddling leads to things, and things lead to..." He raised an eyebrow and nodded suggestively. "Works really well on some chicks, dude." His eyes twitched toward Etherea.

I gaped. Really? Really!? Craig was always kind of blunt but the princess was right beside us! It didn't help that my thoughts immediately began sorting through all the various undesirable thoughts I'd been having about her. That Craig was hitting so close to home with Etherea right behind me...

My heart began racing again as I slowly worked my eyes over to the pony behind me and began edging away a little. Etherea had lifted her head and was staring down past the edge of the couch's cushions at my roommate with her head cocked away from him. A faint frown graced her muzzle.

"You... are not trying to seduce me, are you Craig?" I might've expected more cynicism but the princess' question was hesitant and absolutely genuine. She hadn't caught Craig's insinuation. No, she had assumed something even worse!

"Maybe I am. Would you like me to princess?"

Oh, shit! Oh God, Craig...! Nononononono!

Etherea recoiled, lifting her head high as her eyes tried to leap from her head. A very familiar tightness crept back in to the base of my chest as the princess sputtered helplessly. Naturally enough, Craig's response was to begin laughing uproariously, the sound absolutely filling the apartment. While Etherea lay there, shaking slightly with her jaw a hair shy of dislocated, and me trying to decide whether to jump Craig with fists flying, my roommate doubled up on the floor holding his middle. His laughter just kept coming.

Something had to give.

A multi-hued, muted-color cushion of no apparent source smashed into Craig sideways and bowled him over, a corona of golden light giving it a translucent contrail. Craig's surprised squawk was muffled by the soft object that was trying to forcibly meld with him. The couch's suddenly mobile cushion lifted and I had a moment to see the grim set to Etherea's face before she hammered Craig into the carpet with it.

"That is not funny!"

I shifted to my knees and just about lunged at the princess. My brain screamed in horrified protest with my hands inches away from her, locking me in place. She didn't notice me right away but she didn't hit Craig any more either. Instead she just held him down.

That angry glare finally found me, her head twitching sideways and away. My heart skipped a beat or three and I edged backwards as Etherea noted the proximity of my splayed fingers. But when her eyes came back up her face had relaxed a little, her ears drooping under her mane. From this close to her I got a wonderful view inside her flared nostrils as her breath rushed heavily in and out.

I had no idea what to say. Something calming. Something that would fix this. Anything? Nope, nothing good.

"Craig..." I made my tone as disapproving as I could, which was something at least.

"Owww..." Craig's rebuttal came shakily from the floor.

Etherea didn't seem about to kill anyone anymore but I watched that horn of hers anyways. Not that I could have done much. The cushion soon passed overhead to settle back down behind Etherea and she flicked her tail back in to position atop it.

Then her head lifted a little higher and she fixed hard eyes down over her muzzle at the man lying on the floor and staring dazedly at the ceiling. "Mister Sanders," uh oh, Craig's last name..., "today has not been... very good and I am in no... mood for such things. I apologize for losing my temper, but I would appreciate... it if you treated this situation with proper reverence! Now, do you have anything... meaningful to say?"

Right. She's a Princess. Capital 'P' and all.

"Yeah, yeah." His voice was a soft. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Was just too easy, y'know? But don't worry princess, you're not my type."

"Mister Sanders..." she just about growled.

"Etherea." Her head snapped around and I nearly took her mane to the face. "Please. This is Craig we're talking to." I caught that eye roll of Craig's. "He's said he's sorry."

Her frown grew and I swear she was about to switch from chewing the inside of her lip to chewing on me. And not the good kind either. But after a bit she turned her head slowly back to Craig, leading with her eyes. "I do not like it, but fine." She paused and I settled, relieved, back onto the floor. "So this 'movie' is something... I'm supposed to enjoy?"

"Uh, yeah. I think. It should be happy, fun, and nice." Craig's look toward the alicorn wasn't really nervous as he lifted the remote again, but it was quick. "Should be just right if you've had a bad day."

Etherea snorted but she did put her head back down on the cushion. Only then did I relax even a little.

As the movie started I simmered in my unhappiness with the whole situation. If I remembered correctly this was one of the more romantic movies out there, and exactly the kind I was sure we had been trying to avoid. We had wanted something funny and lightly romantic; not this. But after thinking for a moment I did reluctantly agree that 'The Wedding Singer' was probably not the best choice; Adam Sandler was an awfully direct and weird comedian. The whole scene with him screaming at a full reception hall in anger would have been just the wrong kind of thing to show Etherea right now.

So I settled down on the floor, propped up on my elbows, and set myself to endure - hoping that Etherea wouldn't take this the wrong way. At least I remembered the movie being pretty good.

A part of me was still very focused on there being an alicorn on the couch behind me, and at my brain's reminder of her presence I remembered that the movie would be completely lost on Etherea. So when the movie started I picked my narrating duties right back up. I was actually more than happy to. For one thing it was a small way I could help and maybe make up for my part in her terrible day. It was also a way to show off - I was the one who got to introduce Etherea to both human entertainment and some small pieces of our society.

The quiet thanks I received from the couch was pretty nice too.

"So is that how... humans show affection?"

I glanced over my shoulder at Etherea before turning back to the TV to see exactly what she was looking at. It had been a scant minute and we hadn't even gotten past the people greeting each other in the airport. On the screen was another couple of smiling people coming together in a warm hug.

My mouth was halfway to saying something about hugging but Craig beat me to it. "You mean kissing?"

"Um..." I turned my head just in time to catch Etherea break a tense sideways glare at Craig. A circular wave of her hoof toward the TV followed and I breathed a sigh of relief that she was willing to be civil even if she was still unhappy. "Yes, though I... meant everything that they... are doing. Is kissing very common?"

"Depends on who you're kissing." I jumped into the conversation ahead of Craig. I wished I'd phrased that a bit differently, but I could only go forward from there. Though something about her last question made me wonder. "Is kissing not common in Eq... among ponies?"

She blinked and had to shut her mouth to think. "Not really. There are, um, times when somepony, or ponies, will kiss..." She was blushing just a little under that coat of hers. "Licking is the most... common way of showing or sharing affection. Nuzzling is as well. Embracing like those humans are... is a little difficult, though pegasi do... something that is kind of similar."

Her eyes flicked to me for a split second. "Such, um, direct... um, contact of the lips is not... very common."

I had to struggle not to laugh. I succeeded, fortunately enough, but I could feel a grin pulling at my cheeks. This conversation had apparently gone in to some awkward territory for her. I was content to let it slide though - no need to antagonize her.

"You're just seeing regular kissing there. Quick pecks and the like between friends or family." Craig on the other hand... "There's short ones, long ones, sexy ones, sloppy ones, and even ones that combine kissing and licking and get the tongue..."

"Alright Craig! I think she gets the picture." She seemed to. She hadn't moved an inch, but she was now watching the TV with wide eyes and a distinct orange tint to her coat. "So yes Etherea, kissing, uhh... I guess happens often enough. Hugging would be one of the lighter ways of showing affection with kissing generally being more intimate. Different kisses can be used at different levels of intimacy. A quick kiss on the cheek or forehead is generally fine between close family or good friends in certain situations."

She nodded and seemed satisfied with that answer.

"God, you make it sound so... ugh!" Craig, however, would be Craig. "I dunno'... Stiff, or something. Kissing's not at all like that, princess."

"Etherea."

"Alright. Kissing is not like that, Etherea."

"I think I understand the distinction Mist... Craig." She twisted her muzzle like his name had tasted bad. At least he just rolled his eyes and let the whole thing drop. I shifted a little closer to the wall and angled my feet more toward the front door so that I could better keep an eye on both of them. Mostly Craig though.

Keeping up with the myriad scene switches at the beginning of the movie was hard when I didn't know it all that well. I remembered some things, but I definitely couldn't do it real justice for Etherea. Some things just got completely skipped over because they went by too fast. However the marriage scene really piqued her interest and she commented on the apparent intimacy of the shared kiss.

The real problem - for me at least - pounced in the form of the two characters who were stand-ins for porn stars. I'd forgotten that this was that kind of R-rated movie. And I suddenly remembered that the one scene wasn't the only one. I could see where this was going, but short of ending the movie there was not a damned thing I could do about it. And I had no way to convincingly stop the movie now; too many questions and no good way for me to say that I wasn't looking forward to a conversation about human sexual practices and mores.

Etherea might not have really caught the first scene with them, but there was no way she could miss the later ones.

Still, despite all the different snippets of life and what must have been tantalizing hints at human behaviors, Etherea remained surprisingly quiet. Outside of my nearly constant talking we were all just sitting back and doing what Craig had planned for us to do: relaxing. I stole a quick look at the alicorn behind me to be sure. At least she looked relaxed. All her attention was on the screen and her ears were even firmly perked. One was sort of angled my way, but since I was the narrator that made sense.

It was right about the scene where that one idiot - I never had caught many of the characters' names - was waiting at the wedding reception and decided to go to America. My 'oven sense' went off at the sight of the food in the movie - years of bachelorhood giving me a sixth sense about pizza cooking times. The smell of baking bread, cheese, and spices in the apartment was a good indicator as well.

"Hey Craig, pause the movie. The pizzas should be about done."

Craig complied but just kind of laid there staring upward as I headed across the apartment, but Etherea lifted her head and I could feel her watching me the whole way. A quick check through the blinds and out the window revealed nobody nearby - several people were on the steps of another building - and the same dreary half-rainy weather. I was very thankful that nobody looked in danger of seeing the pony on my couch.

And sure enough, the pizzas were just about right. The crusts were lightly golden-brown with just the barest hint of darker crispiness at the very edges.

"I've got four cheese and peppers and mushrooms. Who wants what?" I called while cutting out some slices.

"That's it? Wh... Um, the cheese for me I guess." Craig proved my suspicions exactly right. No veggies for him.

"And you, Etherea?"

"Um, what exactly are we eating?"

Right... Human food. "Well, the four cheese is just that. Four kinds of cheeses and tomato sauce on a bread crust with some spices tossed on for good measure. The mushroom and peppers one trades three of those cheeses for, well, mushrooms and green peppers." I filled Craig's plate with three slices and turned my head to await the princess' order.

"I suppose I should... have one of each to try and see what I like. It sounds like... a popular Bitalian food."

"Wait, ponyland has pizza too?" 'Ponyland?' I would have slapped an exasperated hand to my forehead if my hands hadn't been preoccupied with holding a slice.

"Yes, Equestria has 'pizzas,' but... the translator was hesitant to... attribute any similarity between your food and ours. I was making... sure."

"Attriwhat? Alex?"

I turned, balancing the three plates on my hands. "She wasn't sure that it was the same thing as she knew." Both turned to nod their thanks to me. It was really weird seeing them do that in tandem.

The plates lit up with golden backlighting and were nearly flung in random directions as I jumped. It wouldn't have mattered though - they lifted safely away from me under their own power. I noticed the small smile that Etherea was trying not to let loose while my heart scrambled to catch back up to its normal rhythm. And, naturally, that her horn was glowing as well.

"Um. Thanks." I wasn't sure what to do for a moment since my job had sort of been co-opted, but I decided to just enjoy the sight of Craig watching the flying dishes with wide eyes. Etherea inspected each one before setting the one with two slices next to her and the one with three of the same kind down to Craig - I'd opted for two cheese and one with veggies so it was easy to tell which was whose.

"So what does everyone want to drink?"

"A Beer."

"Water if... you don't mind."

And that left iced tea for me. Easy enough. This time, as I made my way to where Etherea had set my plate, she nabbed only her own drink. After a short round of passing out napkins and we were ready. Well, except for Etherea who just looked at her food for a little. She leaned her neck out to take a few careful sniffs at the food on her plate, her nostrils twitching with each inhale. She seemed to find no problems with her fare and settled back before turning her head toward me.

"What about silverware?"

"No need. Just grab it and go." Craig was more than happy to demonstrate for her by slipping his fingers under a slice, lifting it, and taking a giant, sloppy bite. She watched all of this with her ears a little back and eyes slightly narrowed. Then her eyes came back to me.

"I can get you some if you'd like." I was halfway to having my feet back under me when she shook her head.

"If this is how... it's done, then I will as well." She did, however, lift her head high while levitating up a slice. Both Craig and I stopped to watch as she carefully latched onto the tip with just her teeth and gently pulled it away. Almost immediately her eyes shot wide.

Again my heart skipped a beat. What was wrong? It was just pizza, wasn't it? Maybe there was something in human food that was poisonous to ponies! I stamped that thought down quickly - Etherea hadn't spat out her food. She was chewing it slowly though. Maybe it just tasted bad?

I looked to Craig for ideas but he just shrugged. I guess we were thinking similar things. Maybe.

"By the... heavens this is salty!" She took a long pull from her glass of water before looking at me. "Is all human food this... laden with salt?"

"Well, no." I took a small nibble at some of the cheese. "Tastes about normal to me, though I suppose it has more salt in it than some meals. Salt is something that humans like a lot."

"Perhaps that is why you... have no Harmony." Her chin pulled back as she looked down and to the side. "No, that would make... no sense either. It would not explain the general lack... of Harmony in your world. Unless... everything was laden with it." I shook my head when she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You ponies don't like salt?"

"It is not that, Craig." Her muzzle was pointing at her plate but she didn't seem to actually be looking at it. "Salt is a natural... inhibitor to using magic. It interferes with... a pony's connection to her Harmony and when properly prepared... it can interfere with the effects of another's spells." She shook her head and passed a furtive look between the two of us. "We like salt just... fine but the, um, separating of a pony from her Harmony... feels very strange, and salt in... sufficient quantities can make a pony act unlike her normal self."

"I take it that it does not affect... humans this way?" She again sought me out for an answer. It was thrilling that she considered me reliable, though I felt a little twinge in my gut to see that one of Craig's eyebrows was halfway up his forehead. At least he didn't say anything. I almost sighed in frustration; I was sure to hear about it later.

"No..." I still quite wasn't sure what she expected from me. "It just makes us thirsty. If it's a problem for you and your magic then I can figure out something else." I really didn't want to have to get up now and do a whole new round of cooking, but if pizza was going to hurt her recovery then I'd damned well be.

"No, it is fine. I will just need a lot of water." Craig's snicker earned him a frown that was halfway to a sneer.

Etherea taking another dainty bite was the cue for me to start eating. Unsurprisingly Craig was already halfway through his slice.

By an unspoken agreement we left the movie off until after we'd eaten; I couldn't narrate around a mouthful of cheese after all. While Craig and I ended up getting seconds, and eating most of both pizzas, Etherea confined herself to just three slices. And lots of water. I worried what Craig might say about her eating habits or, even worse, her weight, so I tried cutting him off by shushing and making a throat-slitting motion at him when she wasn't looking. Judging by his thoroughly confused look I don't think he got it so I was left feeling really foolish. At least he didn't say anything.

Then, sure enough, sometime after the dishes were stowed we came upon the scene in the movie I'd been dreading.

"O-oh my...!" Yup, Etherea's quiet exclamation showed that she'd noticed too. Not that it was hard to miss the two porn star stand-ins completely naked, the woman sitting squarely on the guy's crotch, and everything shy of their actual genitals in plain sight. And moving in time with the woman's half-hearted up and down motion was what could only be the guy's balls.

"Is... is this that k-kind of, um, film?"

"You mean a porno?" Again Craig beat me to it!

I jumped in after him, trying to mitigate a bad situation but heedless to where I was actually going. "No. From what I remember it really isn't. It's just part of the joke that they are... well, developing an actual relationship in a place that's all about dramatized, fake relationships." When I looked over my shoulder Etherea was sitting stiffly upright, her mouth hanging open, and a noticeable blush spreading away from her cheeks. I think the tips of her feathers were quivering a little. "Please don't take that scene the wrong way, I just hadn't re..."

"I did not... I mean, had not expected to be... introduced to human sexual practices so quickly. Or, um, bluntly."

"Oh this is nothing. If you want to really see something I'm sure I have a few good pornos lying around that I could show you. I bet even Alex has a few somewhere." I could only choke silently as Craig twisted around to fire that shit-eating grin at the both of us.

"Ugh! No, thank you!"

Craig started shaking on seeing Etherea recoiling and holding a hoof before her breast as powerful laughter started to well out from within him.

"I see enough of... that from Namerril and Haessa."

I was already choking on nothing so my situation changed very little when Craig fell over backwards and I tried to laugh.

"Really, Mister Sanders. I am a grown... mare who is friends with quite a few... other mature ponies. Is it really... so surprising that I'm not completely... innocent?" He just stared. "I do know about sex. Why, I have even had... a deeply intimate encounter or two of my own."

That hit like a kick in the gut. Not because I was jealous - not really - but because my brain was not at all prepared for a flood of images with Etherea in a variety of positions, twisting and flexing in ecstasy as some faceless stallion rutted her senseless. It might have been hot if it hadn't also been completely fucking wrong!

I clamped my mouth shut and looked to the ceiling while forcing myself to breathe through my nose. My body greedily welcomed the fresh oxygen and by the time I'd cobbled together a normal breathing pattern I'd also managed to mostly clear my head of ponies going at it like porn stars. Etherea's disapproving stare certainly helped such thoughts flee back to the darkest recesses of my mind. I hoped so hard that she couldn't read thoughts. Or faces.

"Not you too Alex." Her tone was nothing if not exasperated.

"It's not..." Alex, you can do this without looking like a complete idiot! "It's not that I didn't think, um, actual ponies like yourself didn't, um, have sex... but I'm used to seeing ponies in a cartoon for children!" Yeah, that works. No point in mentioning clop...

"Oh. Well, yes, I... suppose you aren't used to... seeing us that way." Oh princess, you have no idea.

"I just wasn't expecting you to be so blunt about it." That got a giggle and another blush from her. The nose dip, like she wanted to hide behind her mane, was really adorable.

"Yeah, no kidding. I did not need that image. Seriously! Humans fucking like ponies is one thing, but ponies fucking like ponies..." Etherea switched right back to gaping at Craig. I might have joined her if I wasn't too busy groaning - out loud this time. "Oh, and another thing princess, don't call me 'Mister Sanders'. You sound like my mother."

Etherea blinked furiously for a moment before giving herself a full-bodied shake and finally getting her mouth shut. "Well, judging by your... complete lack of restraint, clearly somepony needs to." She nodded smugly at Craig's horrified frown. "And that is acceptable under one... condition; if you use my own name instead of throwing... my title at me, then I will agree to refer to you by your first name."

I just sat back and watched as my two companions stared each other down. Neither seemed that angry, but it was amusing to an extent to see them both unwilling to back down from... whatever this was. Then Craig's belligerently-set jaw relaxed and he settled back, raising his chin, smirking slightly, and nodding. It was a scary shift. Worry grabbed at my stomach and spine because I had no idea what had just gone on in his head. Etherea's pose didn't change, but the way her ears twitched like they wanted to retreat seemed to place her in the same boat as me.

"Sounds good." His smirk grew into a full smile. I might have expected it to be somewhat mocking after their little back-and-forth, or even triumphant, but he just looked amused. Which was probably just as dangerous. "Not many girls can keep up with me like you do. Most of the time it just annoys the hell out of me, but sometimes a girl is just the right kind of, um... Fiery?" His eyebrows bounced in emphasis. What...? "Yeah, fiery. Then it's actually kinda' hot. Like now. So, y'know, if you weren't a pony, I'd so be all over that." He nodded slowly toward her tail, leading with his chin. And there came the grin that had won him a thousand willing vaginas.

All I knew at that moment were the conflicting waves of tension crashing together across my body, parts of me left hot and others cold. Everything shifted erratically as my body failed to decide what exactly it was supposed to do now. I was going to kill him. I really was. But I was too busy just trying to breathe at the moment.

"And on that note I'm going to work!" My roommate leapt to his feet, snagged his things, and rushed out the door before I could blink. Not that I could blink.

The last sound for a very long time was the solid click of the door shutting behind him.

I couldn't believe it. He'd just openly hit on Etherea. And not just hit on her; he'd all out propositioned her! Saying he'd fuck her? And only just after making fucking first contact! I couldn't imagine a worse way to incinerate diplomatic relations between our two peoples. Well, give me some time and maybe, maybe I could. But saying that to Etherea now, when she'd been so distraught earlier and even now was probably much more scared than she showed?

I was going to fucking murder him if he came home tonight. Well, if Etherea didn't. She should have first dibs anyway. Speaking of which...

It took an eternity to convince my head to turn far enough that I could actually see and judge her state. She was sitting rigidly with her head raised, but her ears pressed firmly backward. She was just kind of staring at the door, though her gaze was vacant. The only signs of life were the steady shifting of her wings at her sides as she breathed.

I had no idea what to say. What the hell could I do after Craig's stunt!?

"Alex?"

My fingers strained themselves into immobility. Her voice was eerily level. "Yeah?"

"Did he just...?"

I shook my head in denial though she probably couldn't see it. "Ahhhiihhh... Don't make me answer that." Oh yeah, that'll surely get her to let the matter drop!

"I... thought so."

And then after a momentary clenching of her whole body, and a heavy sigh, she just set her chin back on the cushion. "Can we finish watching this?"

No screaming? No yelling? Where was the vehement denial or the horrified refusal? I was afraid of seeing Etherea set off again but in a way it was scarier that she wasn't freaking the fuck out. She just waited with ears perked and another expressionless gaze. What the hell was happening in her head right now?!

Ears perked? Was that stare blank or thoughtful?

What if she, for some ungodly reason, liked Craig's 'interest?' That was... That... I could not accept that for a moment. But my feelings wouldn't make it untrue if it were. And if Craig had taught me anything, girls seemed to like guys who knew what they wanted and were confident that they were going to get it. At least they always seemed to respond positively to him.

Now I was angry with Craig for a whole new reason. I know Etherea was not, and would probably never be mine - the issues of she being a pony and a princess still loomed large - but I hated the possibility that Craig, being brazenly carefree, could maybe step in just like that and make a connection I wasn't prepared to even try for. It might be unreasonable of me but I didn't particularly care. Against my better judgment she was something I still kind of wanted. And to lose it like that?

Truthfully I didn't know for sure how she felt about Craig. That was some small comfort and I latched onto it. But the possibility of her reacting positively to him kept prodding at the back of my thoughts even as I retrieved the remote.

At least I could try to minimize the damage should she dislike Craig's forwardness. "I'm sorry for him. I di..."

"Don't worry about it." Her voice was quiet and her tone also upsettingly neutral. I couldn't help staring aghast at her.

"But it's not okay!"

She shifted her head back and forth without taking it off the couch. "I have two choices, Alex. I can... be insulted or flattered. I think I prefer to take his... words as a compliment."

Fine. She wanted it dropped? I could do that.

I hit play, fully intent on just making myself enjoy the rest of the movie as much as I could. I was completely lost when it came to Etherea and I found I couldn't let that go. At the same time I also couldn't let myself worry too much about something that at the moment I had no control over. But I would definitely be having a talk with Craig later. Hopefully before Etherea got to him. I decided I wasn't going to kill him - too much paperwork - and I had to prevent the possibility of Etherea doing that as well.

"Is she considered pretty?"

On the screen was one of the scenes of the British prime minister and his dark-haired secretary making asses of themselves while they tried to decide how they felt about the other. Their awkward fumblings were among the more amusing scenes. And the secretary was cute. Even more so when she was trying not to swear in front of her boss and too nervous to succeed. Her pale complexion and long raven-dark hair certainly added to her appeal.

"Yeah. She's cute. Though the joke of her being a little, um, thick is also true." I kept my voice carefully level but my answers still felt a little curt.

"So she's overweight?"

I glanced back but Etherea was still fixated on the TV. "Not really. She's not the 'ideal,'" I made air quotes, "skinnyness, but she's hardly obese." One of Etherea's eyebrows lifted as I did the finger motions, but she said nothing. I guess she got it. "The girl who has been hitting on her boss is closer to the ideal."

"So that, um, other... one is quite beautiful then?"

"No." I didn't even need to think about it. "Well, not to me. She's got a really nice body, and the dark hair and makeup with light skin is kind of exotic, but I don't like the short hair, all the extra makeup, or her kinda' pushy forwardness. Why?"

"Just wondering."

I don't consider myself the most 'in tune' to women, so when my bullshit sense is tripped then something is really up. She was watching a romance movie, had been hit on by my roommate and was now asking me to rate the women we were seeing? There was no way in hell that she was 'just wondering.'

Unfortunately I could only imagine one outcome for this conversation; she would eventually ask me if she would be considered pretty. Not good. Telling her the honest truth that yes, I did think she was pretty? No thanks! The only other option - to lie and say no - was potentially even worse. Telling an emotionally unsteady female that she wasn't pretty was a horrible idea. It was a catch-22 of the worst variety.

But other than hinting at my true feelings and insulting her, what choice did I have? I looked over at the pony on the couch, though I wasn't sure what I was actually trying to accomplish.

She had relaxed and rolled a little further onto her side. Her ears rested sideways, her eyes were placid and slightly lidded, her wings were collapsed fully onto the couch, and...

...and in her state she'd let her tail fall away a little too far. With her oriented toward the other end of the couch I was in a perfect position to get an eyeful of a slender, pink-ish vulva nestled under and compressed slightly by the haunch above it. A veritable waterfall of blue hair passed by the side and then swept underneath as though to accent what I was seeing. At least the petite ring nearby was still half-hidden by her tail root.

Oh fuck me!

No! I hadn't meant... Not like that!

Breathing normally was suddenly very interesting. So was the TV; on it was two people just talking and going through ordinary life. But it wasn't a hors... pony's vagina. A pony's vagina that was just over my shoulder and a handful of feet away. Nope, the TV definitely wasn't that, and that's all that mattered. The TV was perfectly safe to look at.

But the question of 'why' reared its ugly head and wouldn't go away. Was this intentional? Was she testing me? If our conversation was any indicator then at some point she was probably going to ask if I thought she was attractive. Was this part of that? But it was so unlike her! A proper, slightly stuck up princess baring everything to the strange alien just to satisfy some little curiosity? It was something that only happened in bad stories. Right? So why?!

Well truth be told, a more analytical part of me was quick to point out, another thing was that ponies didn't wear clothes, so this must happen now and again just on its own. But Etherea seemed to have been careful about it so far, so why now?

Maybe... What if she was taking a cue from Craig's forwardness? It was tenuous reasoning at best, considering how she'd been so far, but it was possible. But the only way to know was to, well, check.

My head came around slowly; the TV no longer holding any importance. Hopefully she wouldn't notice.

Yup. She was still as interested in the TV as I should be. That brought a wave of shame. I shouldn't be doing this. For one, I was going to willingly taking a look under a her tail to see whether I liked it. I could more or less tell the answer already, considering earlier today, but I was going to do it anyway. And not only that, I was taking advantage of her apparent inattentiveness to sneak a good look at her most private area!

But I couldn't help it - even if you were offended by a person casually baring it all, you couldn't help but pay attention if they were hot. Curiosity would so be the death of me.

I wasn't any kind of expert on horse anatomy, but with a good look I was sure that Etherea wasn't exactly the same. What I remembered from riding lessons as a kid was that if a horse's clitoris were a zipper, then whole under-the-tail area kinda' looked like someone had pulled that zipper down as far as it would go. While Etherea's privates were still oriented ventrally...

Was that the right term? Ventrally? Dorsal meant 'top' - like the fin on a dolphin - so ventral, which I think is the opposite, meant 'bottom.' Her tummy would be ventral...

And I was so far off track. I think my brain was looking for any excuse to pay attention to anything else. Back to the topic on hand...

Ugh! I didn't need that imagery either!

So Etherea's privates were in about the same position as a horse's, but they were more pink than brown or gray. And I'm pretty sure hers had gentler curves leading down and in to them, so they were softer-looking. That probably had something to do with her haunches being less powerfully-built than a horse's. Softer overall. Squeezably...

No.

I think her vagina was shorter top-to-bottom, relatively speaking, and narrower in profile, though it was tough to tell without something to directly compare it to. It was less... distended, really, and with daintier - I guess - folds than any horse it was like someone had started with equine privates but decided to change them to be a little more human. It wasn't so far-fetched that she could have evolved from a horse long, long ago.

Yet she wasn't human either. She was still proportionately a bit longer top-to-bottom than a woman and didn't have the same general curve around her pelvis. The orientation of her... area certainly had something to do with that. The relative lack of prominence played out here as well - there was very little 'mound' to it.

All in all her vagina was a little different, but not too bad. In fact, the whole thing was kind of cute. Pussy was pussy, after all.

Yeah, even if she clearly wasn't a horse, she was close enough to make that thought hurt. My own words, come back to haunt me. I was slammed by revulsion, every other feeling I might've had buried beneath. Not at her for being so equine, not at myself for constantly reaffirming her attractiveness, but at the relative lack of revulsion I was having to those things! I was revolted because I wasn't revolted enough and that was what I felt I should be. Right?

I had my feet under me and was moving before I had even thought about where I was going. 'Away' seemed like a good idea but the brilliant blue mane flaring wide as Etherea recoiled made me aware that I couldn't just up and leave. At least not without a lot of questions.

"Alex?" Yup, there was the first.

For a moment my mind struggled to right itself, like my sudden movement had tossed all my thoughts overboard. "Oh, um... Just ran out of drink and was gonna' get more." That'll work. "You need a refill?"

"Um, sure!" I caught her glass as it wobbled its way through the air to me.

That let me get away and have some space.

"Alex?" Or, almost got away. "Could you stop the... film until you are back? I... can't understand it."

I crossed the carpet to hit pause before heading toward the kitchen area just as quickly. I couldn't look at her. I wasn't confident that she wouldn't pick up on the things I wasn't sure I was keeping properly inside. Yeah, I had to think through that one several times to make sure I had it straight, though each pass made me less sure of what I was actually doing.

Getting two drinks ended up being a multi-minute affair which was definitely suspicious in and of itself. Pretending to think about my drink options was a good cover, however I hadn't come to any sort of resolution by the time my nervousness finally overtook my willingness to procrastinate. Unfortunately Etherea wasn't going to wait forever no matter how patient she was trying to be.

I didn't want to face her until I sorted out this whole 'horse or not' mess for myself, but I clearly wasn't going to do it in time. So every step back toward the TV felt like one closer to the gallows. Could she sense my thoughts? My feelings?

Judging by her head resting on the couch again and a faint smile gracing her muzzle... Maybe? My nervousness found new traction as I anticipated a looming confrontation that she seemed only too happy to tease me about.

Her head lifted when I was only a few steps away. Those lovely violet eyes blinked and her smile grew. Yeah, she was definitely rubbing it in.

"Why thank you, Alex!" I made myself hold on to the her drink even as a familiar glow wrapped around it and lifted it free. Rather than coasting gracefully through the air, it wobbled and bobbed as its halo shifted and wavered erratically. Etherea's face scrunched in determination just in time for the halo to flare and die, the glass tilting as it accelerated under the crushing grip of gravity.

My still outstretched hand being only a foot or two from the glass made it rather easy to grab midair, even if my lunge was a bit desperate.

"Oops. Sorry!" She lowered her muzzle and covered her mouth with a hoof, her eyes widening. A few strands of mane shifted forward like they wanted to hide her slight blush. "I guess I got... more salt in me than I thought. There really was a lot on... that, um, pizza, and I probably should not do... too much magic, huh?"

I could only nod dumbly. Salt? This was all about salt?

Instead of letting her try and levitate her drink again, I placed it snugly between her forehooves - deepening her blush - before taking up Craig's old spot. It felt a whole lot safer for me to be on this end of her.

"So, um, salt actually does make ponies kinda' drunk, or something? Is that what this is?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no... It's a... completely different feeling. And you can still use magic when... you're drunk."

Now that I thought about it, she did seem to be acting a little drunk, but okay, I guess she wasn't. Far be it from me to look a gifted pony in the mouth. At least if she was 'drunk' on salt that might explain the whole deal with her tail, and probably let me off the hook for any strange behavior. What she didn't know couldn't hurt me!

"Are you going to be alright?" Another great way to work through anxiety was to deflect from it!

"Oh yes, I'm fine." Too bad she bopped her chin on her glass when she tried to set her head back down, her face blooming orange again. Her cover for this was a cringe-worthy shoving of her muzzle in her drink instead.

I considered pressing the issue but I really didn't know where I would go with it. She knew how salt affected her a lot better than I did. That went hand-in-hand with not asking her how she really felt about Craig's declaration earlier - they were things I'm not sure I would, or could, get an adequate answer for. If she told me she was fine then it was safer to let her be.

Even if I wasn't able to convince myself that it really was the right thing to do.

The movie was a good distraction from all that. The problems of ponies existing, what to do about the one living in my apartment, and just exactly what was on the couch behind me still lurked around the edges of my thoughts, but it was surprisingly easy to lose myself in the stories and struggles of other people. But that was the whole point, wasn't it? Forget everything for a while and let yourself be entertained. Hopefully Etherea was having a better time...

"Are they pretty?"

'They' being the four girls in the movie that the 'dumbass' from earlier got to meet when he made it to America. If anything was actually wrong with the movie, it was this. The dumbest guy in the film goes to America to pick up easy chicks who like his accent. Within twenty four hours he doesn't just get one or two. No, he gets like five.

Was I bitter? Maybe just a little.

My dread came right back at full force. If Etherea was asking me to critique human women again, then she hadn't forgotten about doing the same for herself. But again, I couldn't just leave in order to avoid it. I had to play it calm; don't do anything strange and just take it as it comes.

"Yeah. They're all really pretty, and that's the point. He's getting exactly what he wants."

"What makes them prettier than... the others?" Her tone remained light and completely honest. Innocent, really. I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder. Bright eyes and attentive ears confirmed that it was either a completely innocent question, or she was a hell of an actress.

"Well, um, it's kinda' their entire look: smooth skin, young-looking, slim bodies, high cheekbones, some modest makeup that accents their eyes and lips, nice, neat hair, and, um, clothes that show off their shape. The one girl that the Prime Minister is interested in has some of that, but these girls are closer to the ideal feminine look." I pointed at the screen. "See how the one is wearing pants that cover her but don't really hide what she looks like?"

"So it's clothing that... teases."

"Yup." She grinned at my answer.

Here it comes. I've just told her how pretty those women were and why. Time for her to ask the question I've been dreading. As Etherea's inhaled I tensed, praying that I could answer with enough honesty to convince, but enough evasion to feign innocence.

"Can you hold my drink?"

What?! "Er... sure?"

She lifted it toward me with both hooves. Once it was safely away she scooted backwards a bit before flipping her wings and then rolling completely on her side. With a happy sigh she stretched her legs out so her hooves dangled out far away from the couch. She set her head down on its side and a flick wrapped her tail safely around her rump and across her hind legs.

Or she could just be getting comfortable. Really comfortable.

I couldn't see most of her face thanks to her mane and the armrest, but a happy little smile was clear on her muzzle. Setting the half-full glass down next to me I turned back to the TV. It took a while of her just watching and listening before I let myself relax enough to get back into the film. I was certainly glad that for much of the rest of it she just lay there quietly.

She laughed along with the climactic scenes where the Prime Minister and his new girlfriend got caught kissing on stage behind the decorations during the Christmas pageant. She wondered at the horribly translated Spanish when the one guy flew out to propose to his former house maid. Apparently she thought the salt had gotten to her translation spell or something. I suppose it made sense, since they had written his terrible grammar into the subtitles. Continuing to mistranslate would have been a perfect way for to fuck with her, and sounded like something Craig might do, but I didn't think she'd appreciate it.

Yet another thing I was hesitant to do around her. Was I being too cautious? Maybe that's what Craig had been trying to show me.

It did take a minute to explain to her just why everyone had kissed the poor guy after the woman had accepted his proposal. Etherea nearly had me stop the movie to sate her sudden interest in the different national customs concerning intimacy. It was something I knew I couldn't explain well other than to say that the various human cultures had varying levels of acceptable intimacy. That disappointed her, but what could I do? I didn't know the how's and why's behind Spanish traditions concerning weddings!

At least the final airport scene left her grinning pretty much from ear to ear. I guess seeing all the people come together lovingly after working things out really struck a chord. But then came the 'dumbass' arriving home with two of his American hotties in tow. God, that 'foreign' girl from 'American Pie' made for a scorchingly hot cowgirl!

"Wow. He looks starstruck! Those two must be... really attractive." Etherea'd lifted her head, her voice full of wonder. Then the blonde girl on the screen walked right up and kissed the dumbfounded black guy. "And wow, she's forward!" Etherea turned wide eyes and perked ears on me. "I mean, she is... being very forward to just, um, kiss... him like that, correct?"

"Yup. That's part of their sexiness." Sexiness? Shit! That's the best description I could do?! "Uhh... And yeah, um, they're dressed just barely decent enough and they walk like they're trying to seduce everyone. Then they're really friendly and most guys'll just want them more." A very familiar dread began creeping back up my spine.

She giggled lightly. "Yeah, they were... really swaying their hips, were they not? They may... not be ponies but even... I could see that." I had looked over at her and was just in time to see her wiggle her hips slightly. She hadn't been paying any attention to me, but the TV suddenly became very interesting again. Just in case.

"That was... very provocative clothing then? It did not cover very much."

"Exactly." Now I kind of wanted a girl as pretty as they, and dressed in cut off shorts and tied-up top, sitting here with me. Which was reassuring - even if equines were attractive, at least human women still were as well! I could thank God for that, I supposed. Too bad I wasn't actually religious. "It only covers those things it would be indecent to show in public and at the same time it draws attention to them. You see how their tops seemed to push their... chests up and out?"

"Uh huh. You said human breasts... would look, um..." she tapped her chin with a hoof, "you said 'engorged,' I believe. I can see why. And then in clothes like... that it's like they're presenting them to everypony. I don't think... it would work nearly as well for ponies." A quick look toward her hindquarters was all the preparation I got before she folded her legs, rolled onto her front, and then pushed out her chest. With her forelegs pressed together it created a crease down the middle of her breast and vaguely simulated having human breasts of her own.

For a second I was drowning in pure horror, freezing solid as I stared. She was... I... Nothing coherent came out of my thoughts as I stared at a the princess trying to be a sexy pony right in my face! She couldn't fail to miss my reaction and suddenly she was shaking with full-throated laughter falling sideways against the back of the couch, her hooves kicking in the air.

I was not okay with this. Not in the least! Whether she knew it or not she was fucking making fun of something I was not at all comfortable with. My teeth and palms took the brunt of my anger as I tried to dig their counterparts through to the other side. Fuck her! I didn't need or want this!

"Alex?" Her chin was on the armrest and her eyes focused on mine as her happy expression had fell away to blatant concern. "Hey, was that too... much? Was... Was it indecent?!" Blue hair again swung wide as her head shot up and she shook it slowly in denial. "Oh no! I'm so, so sorry! I-I didn't think... that it would be wrong t-to imitate such things... without proper coverings! Please Alex, I did not... mean anything by it. I'm sorry!"

Every emotion fled so fast - taking all my thoughts along for the trip - that all I could do was stare back at her. The pony who was at constant risk of indecently baring her pussy and ass, and who had actually done so, was worried that I'd be offended by simulated breasts? What the hell? But my confusion did nothing to dispel the worried mare on the couch. I had to say something, and fast!

"It's... I don't know. It's not that bad. I'm not actually offended or anything. That wouldn't be fair of me since you don't wear clothes like we do." I couldn't possibly tell her the real reason I didn't want to get too deeply in to this, and the creeping fear of what I might say was making my hands sweat.

"I'm just... It's... Um. It's just so unlike you." Oh yeah, that's eloquent! "I mean, I've just never seen you so, um, casual." Well, outside of pictures...

"Oh." Her shoulders dropped and she relaxed, a soft and reassuring smile forming. "Oh, well, you can probably thank... the salt for that. Though," the smile turned into a scrunched nose and furrowed brows, "it seemed like you... were really angry for a moment there. Are you... sure it is alright?"

No, it wasn't - isn't. But poker face is a go. "Yeah, don't worry about it. It's really okay."

She just looked back at me for a long, uncomfortable moment before a little of her previous smile crept back. "Alright. I suppose I should... say that if anything I do would be offensive please... just let me know. I don't know where I might get... some clothes here, but if it makes you more... comfortable, then I will wear something."

I shook my head and waved a hand dismissively. I was too busy relishing an overpowering sense of relief that I'd dodged that bullet. Etherea then slid off the couch and onto her hooves, shaking each hoof and wing in turn to get her blood flowing again. She stretched her mouth wide in a huge yawn while rolling her shoulders to stretch her back. Naturally I caught the yawn bug and followed suit, which made her giggle again.

"It is kind of late." I said plainly and with a nod.

"And it's been a long day." She added with a sheepish smile. "Though before we go... our ways would you mind changing this bandage? It's itching again."

I hesitated. "I was thinking you'd eventually decide you'd want to change it yourself now that your magic... Oh."

"Yes, the salt." She rolled her eyes but her grin remained.

Happy Etherea is definitely best Etherea.

I retrieved the bandages, disinfectant, and other things before kneeling in front of where Etherea was now sitting. Even as I got down beside her I made sure to keep my eyes up. I didn't know how much I might see past her forelegs and I wasn't about to check. There had been more than enough of that for one day. Plus she was right there and would probably notice even despite the salt in her system.

She remained stoically still as I went through the process of removing the wrappings under her mane, cleaning the remains of her wound, and then replacing the bandage. To my relief she seemed to be healing alright. There was a little clear seepage but otherwise the scab seemed to be formed and doing its job. While still ugly, it was certainly much better than it had been.

This close to her I couldn't help but worry how she was actually doing - and smell her lilac shampoo. I mean I was pretty much a nervous wreck. She seemed fine, but she was also high on salt. Or however that worked for ponies.

The whole thing with Craig, after spending all day depressed, had to be leaving some kind of impact. Especially because she'd covered it up so fast. That right there was a sign of something, right?

"Etherea. About Craig earlier, I'm sorr..."

"Shut up." She didn't sound angry but I stopped everything I was doing. It wasn't hard to shift sideways and see her expression since I was only a couple of feet away. She remained facing forward even as her eyes turned to meet mine for a second.

The small smile that slowly slipped onto her muzzle was surprising. After thinking about it for a second I changed my mind on that. "I'm being stupid?"

Her grin grew until it showed several teeth. "Mayyyybe."

Alright, I could accept that since she really did seem okay. I stepping back and gave her some space.

"I still feel," I said and she turned just enough to look at me out of the corner of narrowed eyes, "that I should thank you for forgiving me earlier. I do feel bad that I kinda' ended up hitting you."

Her face lost all expression for a moment before her head dropped and her mane hid everything. "Alex... it might seem strange of me, but after... everything - and somewhat... because of it - you are the one I trust enough to believe." She looked up at me and another, softer smile was directed at me. "I think we could almost... be considered friends by now. Just please do not do that again."

I opened my mouth too fast. "I'll try my best to keep my hands off." I closed my eyes and cringed. Fuck! But the only thing that happened was a short, feminine chuckle working its way to my eardrums.

"It's alright. That's what I mean, Alex. I feel that I... can trust you."

When I opened my eyes she was yawning again. I was too busy trying to not grin stupidly to do the same. It seemed like my efforts were paying off! Her trust meant a lot, especially after how we'd met. This might actually work out alright!

"Goodnight Alex. I will see you in the morning." Her head shifted forward toward mine, her muzzle leading, before she caught herself. For just a second her ears folded and I was left utterly frozen in confusion when she suddenly turned and walked away.

What the hell had that been?!

As she left, I noticed past the hypnotic sway of her tail that her ears had returned to the back of her head and her expression gradually became more distant. By the time she'd silently disappeared around the corner she definitely looked depressed and very at odds with how 'fine' she'd said she was.

"Etherea?"

It took a moment, but eventually a golden-yellow face appeared back around the corner, though more curious than it had been when in the same spot two days earlier.

"Is everything really alright?"

Almost immediately I regretted my question because her head dropped to point at the floor. "Not really. Tomorrow is my... birthday after all, and I am going to miss it."

Her birthday. Right. That grabbed right on to my gut and squeezed for all it was worth. How could I forget that I'd torn her away from that? I needed to do something about it. I know I had nothing that could possibly compare to a birthday in Canterlot and surrounded all of her friends, family, and probably even the princesses, but I couldn't let that stop me. This was something I could actually do something about!

"I'll think of something."

Her head shot up and wide eyes blinked once. For a moment she said nothing, her mouth slightly open. "Y-you don't have to... do anything! Th-that is not... necessary, it really i-is alright. I will be fine."

That just made my decision easier. "No, I'm going to do something. Even if it's small, you should have something. And it'll make me feel better to at least try to make it up to you."

For another long moment there was silence. Eventually her muzzle dipped lower and her eyes scrunched ever-so-slightly. "I suppose if you really want to then I... cannot stop you." She sniffed once. "Thank you."

I just smiled a little and nodded, feeling very good with myself. "Not a problem. Goodnight Etherea."

She flashed another shy smile before retreating back down the hallway. I rode the euphoria from having done the right thing until well after I'd taken my own turn preparing for bed. Friend. It felt so strange to think of an Equestrian pony as actually being a friend of mine. She had been kind of hesitant about that, but she'd still put it out there and I was more than willing to take it.

I was friends with a pony!

Now I just needed to figure out what to do for her birthday. My brain always just loved bringing me back down - I had no idea what I was actually going to do. Cake and soda with nobody around and no presents didn't seem like much of a party. The only resolution I could come to, after tossing and turning for a while, was that I couldn't let myself worry about it too much at the moment. I couldn't do a damned thing about it right now.

It was a surprisingly easy problem to dismiss as I tried to settle down. Unfortunately a worse one was more than happy to replace it. Images of naked horses soon began creeping in and a question I'd been more than willing to avoid earlier leapt to prominence. I'd admitted that I could see myself fucking a horse, though mostly that was just a thought exercise. The real question was this: could I see myself fucking Etherea?

If that happy, friendly side of her was who she really was, then the answer was a vehement 'yes.' And that led to all manner of other unwanted thoughts concerning myself, ponies, and their relative horse-ness. I might have made some real progress with Etherea today, but suffice it to say, thoughts of where that was going and what it meant for me again prevented me from sleeping well.

Author's Notes:

Like I said, this half of the chapter shouldn't take too long. A little editing (and no missing sections) and voilà!

Feel good? I hope so. I bet you'll all love the next chapter! I'm looking forward to it so very much. But first I have some things to do. A couple days off while I let my creative drive recharge and maybe switch gears to do some sketches. I do like the idea of drawing Amaranth (Namerril) so everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Questions? Comments? Hate mail? Marriage requests? (I'll need a detailed bio, pictures in triplicate, and...)

Deleted scene:

Alex and Etherea's first conversation when Alex gets home - because this conversation would take up far too much space in an already very large chapter -

"W-what time is it anyway?"

My thoughts folded haphazardly around the intruding question but as I was busy sorting my thoughts I acted automatically. "About seven thirty."

Etherea paused with her hoof against her other cheek and cocked her head at me. "What? I do not... that didn't make any sense to me. How many daeressi until Twilight's Passing?"

We both stood there staring dumbly at each other. I couldn't speak for her but I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. Though as her eyes searched my face from under scrunched brows I couldn't help feeling she was just as lost in this conversation as I.

"Um... 'Daressi' and 'Twilight's Passing?'"

"No. Dayer-essee. It's, um..." The confusion on her features deepened. "T-that is strange, the spell is giving me nothing. They are units of time. There are about thirteen... hundred of them in a day. And Twilight's Passing..."

It all clicked. "Oh...!" Daeressi must be sort of like minutes or something. 'Day' was probably universal to both our worlds because it relied on something our worlds had in common. Months and years should be shared concepts as well. Minutes and hours weren't so well-defined so Equestria probably had different measurements. And come to think of it, there were probably plenty of other things like that as well.

"I don't think we share abstract definitions of things like minutes and 'dayer-essi.' Notice how you slipped in to Equestrian when you tried?" She pulled her head back and her mouth pursed cutely as she thought. No time for that kind of thought now, Alex. "I bet things like..." 'feet' would probably be too confusing, "...um, meters or pounds don't translate either. Those are measures of length and weight, by the way."

A slow nod was her answer. "I had not noticed my mistake, but I suppose that makes sense. It would be easy to describe a felnou as the length of a Pony's body from chest," she touched just below the base of her throat, "to the rear of her haunches," and motioned toward her rear with the same hoof - I made sure that my eyes didn't follow, "but it would be hard to define just how much an ehen weighs without a complicated example. I did not think about the translation spell doing conversions."

After a quick glance over her withers she looked up at me again. Her cheeks weren't wet, but they were definitely mussed now. Funny the sorts of things you notice when you should be paying attention to other things.

"What I meant to ask about was how long it was until the sun sets, that is Twilight's Passing. I guess the point is moot though," her voice lost much of its volume, "I-I wouldn't understand it anyway."

That was some heavy disappointment in her voice. Now I had to do something. But my mind came back empty-handed. How do I cheer up a Pony, much less one I can't touch and who is probably just reminded of all her problems by me? The only thing, I guess, was to remain cheerful for her even if all I wanted to do after today was sulk. That had to count for something.