The first thing I noticed was the sound of lots of running water somewhere deeper in the apartment. Interspersed at random moments were the resonant sounds of something hard striking thick but hollow plastic. Actually, that was probably ceramic. The other something? Hooves, I'd guess.

Which meant that there was a pony in my shower.

That wasn't so odd, was it? Nah. It got dismissed as completely normal and I rolled over to collect my fleeting sleep-addled thoughts. At least it was more normal than some of the things that had happened recently.

For some time I let my old fantasies involving my favorite ponies in new and exciting made-up situations entertained me. What would they do if I were dropped in the middle of Ponyville? What if Celestia had managed to purge the Nightmare without the aid of the Elements a thousand years ago but had fallen prey to it afterward? What if Cadance got herself stuck on Earth and secretly bought a house next to some poor schmuck? What if? What if?

The warmth, comfort, and (relative) quiet let me drift in and out of my half-dreams until actual awareness finally tracked me down and dragged me back. I have to admit that it was really nice to wake up more normally for once, a long, twisting full-body stretch convincing me that sleep was finally beyond my grasp. The too-narrow and too-short couch made a rather awkward bed and finally getting my legs to full extension was just such a relief.

But that enveloping warmth... Ah well, I could get it back tonight. I had things to do today.

I'd actually been woken earlier by Etherea when she'd dragged a yowling Dimble into the living area because he wouldn't leave her door alone. And of course that had been at the ass-crack of dawn. Normally my cat was patient enough to wait for Craig or me to wake - generally me. Why he felt the need to bother Etherea when I was already closer to the kitchen, or why so early, I had no fucking idea.

I hadn't been too thrilled with being up so early on my day off but there was also a morning-pony to see to. However, when I did so after getting my contacts in, she simply shooed me away. I mean, what the hell? No spell, no talking - at least not in English for her - and no early breakfast; just some gestures and a couple gentle shoves to get me to leave.

The pantomimes had been clear enough though. I was to go back to sleep. Not that I was complaining now, but it had not been at all what I'd expected.

Actually, I should probably thank her for it. It was pretty nice of her to keep to herself for a while just so I could sleep, especially since she'd been somewhat upset about having to get me up in the first place.

In the wake of Etherea vacating the shower and disappearing into my room I put my contacts in for the second time and called up my mental daily planner. Normally on a day like today I'd wake up late (sort-of check!), eat something for lunch (might still be too early to call it that), watch some TV with Craig and/or play World of Warcraft, read some My Little Pony fanfiction, and probably see what my friends were doing later. That last got firmly crossed off. In its place, in bright and shiny imaginary letters, was now 'Etherea's Birthday.'

The only problem was that I needed something to help her celebrate without being in any way extravagant, expensive, public or... Or pretty much anything that I figured a royal birthday would be. All I could provide was maybe a little cake, a present if I could think of something suitable (added to the list as a possible activity), and that stupid song. And unfortunately Craig wasn't going to be able to do much since he had to be at Oggie's tonight for the station.

I sighed, dejected, as I looked in the mirror. Anything I could do just seemed so pitiful compared to what Etherea was probably used to. Regret paired nicely with the inadequacy I was feeling - I was at least partially responsible for all of this. Bending over backwards was the only way I could think of to make me feel better, and I couldn't even do that properly.

Mulling things over as I exited the bathroom, but still without an answer, I was just in time to catch a slight creak from my bedroom door. Etherea's golden muzzle and one violet eye eased out, her expression cautious and her head tilted curiously. She froze ever so briefly on seeing me, but a grin started, faltered, and then finally stuck.

"Good morning Alex."

Wait, what?! That was English!

My head jerked toward Craig's room, I blinked, and then looked back at Etherea. She was blushing faintly but her smile had grown. I'd definitely heard that correctly no matter how many times my mind reran the memory! Holy hell! It'd only been four days!

"You can speak English now?!" My incredulity came out full force and unusually unfiltered.

She turned her head down and away for a moment with a soft giggle, not quite hiding her face or a faint blush. "Veh." A head shake. "Nesensi dantalon tirlior nemun, good morning, esvor vesikedia shesserith shi empirror."

While staring uncomfortably at her I half expected her to tell me that she knew only the one greeting and a short explanation for how much English she knew. But the silence between us stretched and twisted. The absence of any further reply was evidence - albeit indirect - of her knowing nothing else in English.

But now, realizing we were just standing there with my own blush growing and her ears slowly retreating, I felt a fool. I was just letting this go on! I should say something! But yeah, awkwardness was giving me absolutely nothing to work with, and that only made it worse!

"Ummm...," at least that was completely 'comprehensible,' "neya... hapeniem kistellaea asu neshorissil enrayuen shi ilishuna sukezera haerum?" Her eyes were just a bit apprehensive as her horn lit and she carefully stepped halfway into the hall and a short string of brushes and things slipped out behind her to cluster above her withers. One of her forehooves lifted to gesture past me.

The living room! We could get the translation spell going again! "Right! Right... We, um, probably should." I turned quickly and mentally kicked myself again for the umpteenth time. That's probably the exact thing she'd just said. I was such a fucking idiot.

A tiny 'hmh!' came from behind me. She sounded amused. "Orelsis shi everon toenriar esu melivar shosernkin... Easu renyin aro atemnessa saerden!"

And that had a pleasant lilt that almost sounded like she was messing with me. But what I got in return for a curious glance fired over my shoulder was a nervous grin. How could I know for sure if I couldn't understand her?

So what if she was? We were on pretty good terms after last night. She, being a morning pony, was probably just making a crack at how late I like to sleep. I made sure to let go of any lingering frustration before we came to a stop in the living room. It wasn't like being upset over nothing was going to do anything productive.

A quick check out the front window revealed no potential prying eyes. Etherea was leaning to the right when I turned back, her neck extended sideways and her eyes directed past me. Clearly we had been thinking the same thing.

Now it was my turn to tease her, our mutual caution threatened to give me a stupid grin, but I fought down the urge. I'm pretty sure she noticed anyways because her eyes twitched sideways and she ducked her head. Though almost right away she caught herself, lifting her head high and carefully smoothing her expression.

Yup, turnabout and all that, princess.

And happily enough she didn't even flinch when her horn lit.

"Well, alright then." I managed and took a breath. Serious face.

The routine of introducing ourselves and describing everything in increasing detail ended with a wave of her hoof sooner than I'd expected. Or maybe I just thought it had gone faster. But it was probably reasonable that we were becoming better at the little ritual.

"Much better." A subtle wave of relaxation passed over her from the crest of her neck to the end of her dock. "I feel more than... a little foolish talking and knowing you... cannot understand me."

I nodded sagely. "Yeah, I know how that goes. So..." The first thing that came to my mind? "How are you feeling?"

Another glance outside, then one at the bands of light on the carpet, and she headed somewhat leisurely toward the kitchen. "Much better, thank you. Some quality... rest has done wonders."

"I noticed that you were, um, more comfortable with your magic," she was also missing something, "and that you took the bandage off."

"Mmmhmmm." She took a couple of sniffs at the remaining roses as the various personal care items set themselves down on the end table beside her. "Earth pony... resilience means that I will recover... quickly and that this," she bounced her muzzle upward and flicked her eyes in the direction of her forehead, "should not leave a scar. Thank the stars for that! My flank and hind right, um, pastern are still a... little sore but that shouldn't last long."

Oh, that's right, she'd slammed into the cabinets pretty hard last night. "Sorry..."

"Shut up."

Right! Don't apologize to the princess for things that I feel bad for. She doesn't like it.

"One of these days I will get... you to stop apologizing so much Alex. It's nothing... to worry over now." She lifted her head to better see over the counter toward the corner where we had our nonperishables. "So, what... is for breakfast today?"

"Same as the other day, I guess; cereal, toast, bagels and the like. I suppose I could make pancakes again if you wanted." I paused to see her reaction. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything more than pour a bowl of cereal or cut some bread. Plus the damned dishes still needed doing! I know Etherea wouldn't accept anything less than clean ones, and I was with her on that. "It'll just take a minute while I clean these."

That turned her curious and slightly expectant expression sour in an instant. "But that was to be Craig's job! Correct?"

"Well, it would be if we'd gotten him to do them last night, but if we want clean ones now then I'll have to wash something."

"Fine. I think he and I will share... words later. It is not... fair to you for him to skip out on his duties... like... this..."

The way her tone dropped from indignant to barely-there made me turn to look. Her head was turned toward the wall, an unfocused, distant cast to her eyes. Damnit? Now she was sad again? What for? What had I done?!

"Uhh... What's wrong?"

She twitched and her whole body sort of drooped a little. "I am... I am not there to take care of my own duties."

Oh.

"I..." Don't apologize even if it feels like she deserves another. "Hey, Etherea." Be kind. Compassionate. "I'm sure everyone back in Equestria is doing fine. They can handle things without you." 'Without you?' Yeah, just remind her again that she's 'skipping out!'

"Well, um... I'd say your job now is to get home safe and sound as soon as you can. And we're working on that as best we can!" Though saying that reminded me that we'd done little more than laze around. I still had no idea what I was really doing or if there was something more I could actually do. I added a mental note about really pondering that problem later when I had more time to the already overflowing stack.

She remained still for a bit but eventually nodded slowly, her eyes still pointing away. "You are right." Her head dropped toward the floor and she took a breath. When her eyes came back up her face was blank except for a faint tightness. "I just feel awful abandoning... everypony like this. Oh, my parents must be worried... half to death! I... I can only imagine... what they are going through."

I spread my hands, vaguely grasping at thin air as I tried to come up with the perfect words to reassure her. Nothing could possibly match that impossible criteria so all I could do was open and close my mouth while slowly shaking my head in aggravation.

"I wish I could do more."

"You are already doing plenty, Alex," she said with a small smile that didn't make it beyond her lips. "And you are correct that we are already... doing what we are able. I am recovering well and for that I am thankful."

Then her posture and expression lifted as one, her chin rising imperiously. "And as Princess and... Heir to the Crystal Empire I decree that we should not worry ourselves too much... over things we cannot help, and should carry on with breakfast!" She finished with a giggle and relaxed into a slight slouch.

"I think I will have a bagel. What do you have to go with it?"

I nodded and gave a brief rundown of the various things we could add to a bagel as I started on the dishes. To my surprise an alicorn popped up to my left - on the opposite side I might have expected - and began lifting away wet dishes to dry with the hand towel from the oven door handle. It seemed she was going to hold herself true to her promise to help.

Well, she didn't immediately help. I caught her grimacing while examining the towel she was levitating a respectable distance from her face, and couldn't help but grin to myself. While she wasn't nearly as dramatic about it as Rarity probably would have been, Etherea's thoughts on the rather well-worn piece of formerly-fluffy red cloth were quite clear. Poor, poor princess.

And when it came down to it, she decided to have blueberry jam - a favorite of mine - and peanut butter on a slightly toasted bagel. I opted for a simple bowl of granola with dried dates. Thank you mom for that delicious combination!

As I sat down and went after my first bite Etherea shifted sideways a hair and twisted to lift a wing. Out dropped a few pieces of paper and some of my pencils. Without any apparent effort she caught and levitated everything, which still included the bagel half near her mouth. I was sorely tempted to roll my eyes at the ridiculous display. That was what, half a dozen items at once, and many of them out of sight?

Alicorns...

Now just what the heck she was up to? The top sheet had some words in small but neat incomprehensible squiggles down the left-hand edge. Definitely Equestrian script. I cocked an eyebrow in silent question while continuing to eat. She started and then paused, a weirdly blank expression on her face as her muzzle dipped, and waited for a moment before her eyes met mine. She was strangely tense too, which made me pause.

"Please do not take offense, but I wanted to speak to you about this." Now that was attention-grabbing.

The papers lifted to reveal one of my sketches hiding underneath. It was a very incomplete drawing of Celestia paddling about, half-submerged in water, with her mane and tail wafting around her on the surface. Her muzzle sported a cheeky grin behind a small collection of bubbles and her lips were pursed while blowing another. The drawing honestly wasn't very good and I'd abandoned it because I could never get her to look right. Minus the wings and horn it could have been anypony. Well, except for the cutie mark.

Etherea's expression hadn't eased into anything by the time I looked back up. I guess she wasn't happy? It was almost the same look as a parent asking something uncomfortable to a child who already knew the answer. That brought my defenses to the fore.

"Alright?" Simple, guarded, and it put the ball back in her court.

"Well, um..." Her head pulled back a fraction of an inch before she inhaled and brought her chin up high. "I found this deeper in your stack... of drawings. This is a very casual and, um, rather intimate portrayal of Princess Celestia. I would stress that you have not met her and do not know her. She is a Princess, diarch over... Equestria, and regent of the... of our sun. This," a curt nod downward, "is a highly inappropriate. I..."

Her sudden flinch caused a mirror reflex in me. The fact that she had the gall to dig through my stuff and then call me on private things had my adrenaline running hot. At the same time I was kicking myself for not having expressly forbid her from doing just that. Or simply removing the drawing myself. How could I have known though?

She slouched then, withdrawing in on herself a little as she turned her eyes down. "I know I have no authority to make... you do so, but I am... asking you to not draw such things."

Stop drawing images of the princess being casual? I'll admit that she looked a little flirty, but it wasn't even that bad! Good God, this mare was going to be horrified if she ever went online!

And Etherea herself had behaved worse just last night! What was so bad about it anyways?

"So Celestia doesn't like personal representations without express permission?" I didn't know the princess but somehow I doubted her being that uptight. Plus I didn't believe for one second that she could exert that kind of control over her ponies.

"I do not... That is not the point! You do not know... her and it is not right for you to be drawing such things... about the Princess."

That didn't sound like an answer at all. It sounded more like... like Etherea objected to the drawing, not necessarily that Celestia would. And now she was upset that I was questioning her which was, though interesting, a slightly alarming revelation.

I was so tempted to just say 'no' on principle - this was a free country and I could draw what I wanted! But we also had to live together for the foreseeable future and I really wanted her to be comfortable. I'd already done so much to avoid pissing off the magical alicorn princess across from me, and refraining from something I hardly did anyways wasn't much of a burden.

Still, it was annoying as shit that she objected to this of all things.

I sighed, noting that Etherea had straightened and leaned back a little, eying me warily. "Yeah, if it makes you that uncomfortable I can stop."

She breathed out heavily and immediately smiled, tentative though it was. "Thank you Alex! I did not... mean to start our morning on the... wrong hooves but I thought to get it out of the way before... moving on to more pleasant things. I'm glad you understand." Her almost-forgotten bagel made a run by her muzzle and lost a dainty bite.

Almost unnoticed was the offending sheet of paper slipping beneath the rest. Almost.

We ate in silence for a while, though markedly more uncomfortably. I knew it wasn't really my fault - I'd acquiesced to her wishes after all - but it still felt like I'd somehow done something wrong. Now just a bit sullen I didn't really feel like talking. But she was just across the island from me and when I glanced up her whole body twitched as our eyes met, her ears almost completely folding back under her mane.

"Um... This has not gone at all... as I had hoped." She sighed, drawing herself inward a little though her eyes didn't leave mine. "I had thought to lead with and quickly... get through any unpleasantness before doing something... more fun. But now we are sitting here... like the horizon is between us." What? The horizon...? I didn't get any time to dwell on it. "I fear I came... across too harshly and for that I am sorry."

I didn't say anything while I sorted through what she'd said and what I was going to do with it. The fleeting desire to throw everything back at her remained, but I immediately discarded it because that would only make things worse. Plus she'd apologized. Though I noted she hadn't actually taken her request back so the result still stood.

Which probably meant it really was that important to her. I still didn't understand, but whatever - I wasn't willing to argue further.

Though messing with her a little would be a much better track. And it could make me feel a bit better.

"So now you're apologizing to me?" Consider my carefully level tone just a little innocent payback.

"Well, I..." She caught herself with another twitch, her lips held halfway through parting again. Those lovely violet eyes began inching back and forth like she wasn't sure what to think. "Yes, um, I am. How the Celestial Princesses are portrayed... is a bit of a touchy subject - they are the heart... of Equestria after all - but I believe I was far too demanding of you when I... was just trying to ask a small favor." Her tone rose hopefully. "A favor of a friend."

"Actually," she tensed and I knew it was time to drive it home, "I was more concerned with you apologizing. Now see, we don't appreciate that kind of behavior around here. I'm sure you understand." I was the perfect straight-man.

Those lovely purple eyes bored into me, the only signs of life in her was the occasional blink and a smile that formed and faded several times. I couldn't hold it. Not for long. A smile finally broke over my face. Hers then solidified for good and the following light giggle was music to my ears.

"Anyway. So what's the rest of this stuff?" I pointed my spoon at the as-yet unexplained sheets of paper.

"Oh!" Her attention turned downward. "I realized this morning that we... had talked about a lot of ponies yesterday, and that you know of some of them... differently than I do. Thanks to my spell I can figure out what many... would be to you, but you don't have any such luxury for the reverse. I was thinking that we could make a list for... you to reference." Her face brightened with a happy smile, the existence of which had me feeling much better. "Plus these," a forehoof tapped the top sheet, "should help us begin learning each... other's languages. Would not it... be nice to not have to rely on this spell?"

As much as I appreciated the spell for at least letting us communicate, yeah, it kind of would be. But as I looked down at the paper and tried to make sense of the squiggles, the magnitude of the task hit home. I didn't know the first thing about Equestrian. I'd need to figure out the alphabet so I could identify the letters. Then I could move on to simple words and sentence structure. All of that was just so I could communicate simple ideas, much less the more complex topics that would come later. I was only as good at English as I was because I'd spoken it for most of my life! This was going to be a shit-ton of work!

I groaned. "Yeah. It would be nice, but I just realized how much time this could take. Ugh!"

Her eyes widened for a second as she eased backward, but a pleasant smile returned shortly. "Yes, I know. But we have to start sometime." Some of her teeth peeked through her smile at me. "Come on, it will be fun!"

I resigned myself to slogging my way through this. I suppose that, when it really came down to it, at least this was for all mankind. Forward for Earth!

"Alright. So we've got some names. Who's first?" I quickly snuck another bite in.

Guided by a golden halo one of the sheets reversed and slid across to me along with a pencil. "At the top... is my name: Etherea. Just write what it would be... in your language."

It took a moment to think about how I would represent her name with English letters, but I managed, making sure to write very neatly.

"Alright, let me see it."

She considered the page for a little. I'd used print so each letter was distinct and could be picked out. I didn't know whether she'd used cursive - or if there was even a cursive form for them - or if those flowing forms were normal, but English print would be easier for her to start with. After all, most things were in print nowadays.

As her bagel made another trip to her muzzle, and was carefully nibbled on, her pencil lifted and she carefully recreated the letters on her own copy of the page. I was all set to start explaining the various letters and their placement, and to receive the same for her Equestrian, but instead she turned my page around and slid it back.

"And the next one is your name. I wrote yours, Craig's, and Dimble's names... phoenetically as best I could."

Well those were easy enough. And just like before she gave my name a level of scrutiny that seemed excessive for its size. Her letters were no more or less neat though.

Two things popped into my head then. Was she trying to emulate the specific bumps, pressure variations, curls, and other vagaries of my personal writing habits? I hoped not because that would definitely be too much. But she was copying off of me. I was already being carefully neat but now I had particularly good reason to keep it that way.

The other was more than a bit of awe that she had such control over the pencil using nothing more than thought. Sure, I had no idea what she had to do to for that kind of levitation, but that kind of fine control over any distance couldn't be easy. Especially without any tactile clues.

Which made me wonder just how adept she was at mouth-writing. Though asking her to slobber - even if I doubted she would be so sloppy - all over the pencil...

I almost smacked my head against the counter in an attempt to punish my brain. Seriously? Wondering whether she would slobber on something else? Sure, she's attractive, and supposedly it's normal for guys to think about sex all the damned time, but this was ridiculous! I latched onto her being practically a horse, and spoken for, and then forged those facts into weapons with which to flagellate my traitorous thoughts.

My list of names was a wonderful distraction from all that, and I realized that I had been half-assing things. I'd been writing the English approximations but had skipped copying her Equestrian. I'd have to change that.

And honestly, once I really looked at them, her letters were only slightly less than an illegible string of designs. While no letter actually connected to or crossed the ones to either side, some end - or several in a few cases - was always intermeshed with the neighboring symbols. It was possible that I was misreading how Equestrian symbols were interpreted, but I figured that I was going to find out for sure soon enough.

So with a careful hand I painstakingly copied exactly what I was looking at. Etherea was grinning again by the time I finished, and more widely than before.

"It is so interesting... to see somep... uh, you taking, um, such care to write it." She nodded toward the sheet.

"I'm not the only one." I nodded back.

"Oh, I'm sure we both look... equally silly but I cannot watch myself."

Boldness surged as her mood continued to be good. "I could go get a mirror for you, your highness." She blinked, then curled her neck and dropped her muzzle to snort. Her mane swayed gently as she shook her head. Score!

"So," I prompted after each of us finished taking respective bites, "what's the next one?"

"Craig's name is next."

I couldn't help but look in the direction of his room, half-expecting him to jump out with a yell and some jazz hands. As if Craig would leap anywhere. Actually, though I'd never seen him that active, he might do it if he thought it would get the right reaction.

It didn't happen though - thankfully, since that would have been really weird - and I bent down to the task at hand. As Etherea and I traded sheets and carefully copied snippets of script I found myself under a constant, almost uncomfortable stare from her. Glance at her and it was there. Again? Same thing.

After writing a couple more names I cocked an eyebrow. "Something else interesting?"

She met my gaze with a faint blush. "Oh, um... I am still astonished by, um, how casually you demonstrate such... fine dexterity."

I looked at the pencil I was holding. Nothing unusual there; I was just writing. "Like I said: it's just a lot of practice. You, however," I leveled the eraser end of the pencil at her, "can still do the same thing without being anywhere near the page."

"Oh, I know. I just can't imagine being able... to coordinate all ten of your, um, fingers so deftly."

I grinned and wiggled them for her - no, I'm not thinking about the other things that fingers are good for! - then returned to what I was doing. I was actually a bit disappointed that she didn't stick out her tongue when she smiled back. That's how these things were supposed to go.

Somewhere along the line, while carefully transcribing Fluttershy's name, an epiphany filtered past my concentration. I was the very first person writing in an alien language! Not one person had done anything like this before! I was literally making history right now! Sure, I'd been doing that from the moment I'd received a message from Etherea, but this was something else. Something I was actively doing that would be in the history books!

I was going to be in the books. Me. Alex Stepanowski. I really didn't like that idea but there wasn't anything I could do about it now. And it meant that I couldn't screw this up!

But hadn't I already screwed up? Etherea was here because of a giant fuck-up!

I had insulted a foreign dignitary and it probably looked like I'd abducted her - even if that wasn't really the truth. I'd scared the shit out of her quite a few times, hid her away without being qualified to handle alien first contact, and then gone back into public without verifying that the situation was in any way safe. The situation was world-shakingly momentous and it felt like I had done everything wrong!

I was in way over my head. There was no way I could take care of Etherea if something really serious happened to her. Images of horrific, body-twisting injuries and grotesque, debilitating illnesses straight out of Hollywood flashed into my mind again. All I had was bandages and first aid kits, things that would be completely inadequate in a real emergency.

Nor was I equipped to deal with any truly alien needs she might have. What if she needed a certain amount of gemstones? Or special components found only in certain flowers? How would I provide them even if I found out in time?

And even if we avoided the worst, there were still our respective peoples to worry about. The ponies still not knowing Etherea's whereabouts was an international - interworld - incident waiting to explode. Etherea might feel safer in a smaller, more limited environment like my apartment, but wouldn't it be better for both sides to have her in the hands of authorized experts - as much as anyone could be in this situation?

I was freaking out again. I needed to get a hold of myself but what could I do? This kind of situation was way too much for some random guy like me to handle!

"Alex? Is something the matter?" Faint concern seeped out in her tone.

How long had I been just staring at my page? "It's just..." My eyes tentatively met hers. "I think I may be making a huge mistake."

Her head tilted as she spared a long look at the page laying forgotten under my hands. "No. You are doing well. It is unreasonable to expect to be accomplished in a new language in as short a time as we have known each other."

"No." I had hoped that a strong shake of my head might somehow put my thoughts in order. Of course it didn't. At a loss, I lay my forehead into the grasp of one hand, elbow on the counter and face behind my palm. "Not that. I mean everything else. You being here and not in the care of someone more qualified. I should be excited that I'm the first human to make alien first contact - and I am... somewhat... but all I can think is that I'm really not cut out for this."

For a moment I waited, regretting how free I'd been with my thoughts, before bringing my eyes up to see Etherea's reaction. Her whole body was rigid and her eyes bore far too much white. With her head and ears held back like that it looked like someone had just slapped her across the muzzle. Like I had. Because the morning had been alright until I'd had to ruin it.

"Oh, ummmm...," she blinked slowly a couple of times, "It... it cannot be that bad. Sure, there are a few problems... with me being here," I certainly didn't miss that telling glace toward the front window, "but I am well and am safe. You have been doing a fine job." Her voice was soft - comforting - as she leaned closer, still looking straight into my eyes.

"Thanks, but..." Her face fell into an unhappy frown as her jaw set. Yes, princess, I'm disagreeing with you, damned if that didn't make my stomach clench. "As much as I'd love to agree with you, I don't know if anyone else would. I mean, if I'd shown up in your living room," yeah, wouldn't that have been awkward, "what would you have done? Call the guards? The other princesses?"

Her eyes narrowed coldly as she pulled her head back, her muzzle dipping low. It looked like I was feeding her raw lemon rinds.

"Well, I panicked and did none of that. I stuck you away so nobody could see. I mean sure, if we get you out of here fast enough then no one will be the wiser, but we can't guarantee that you can. How would the other princesses feel if some strange creatures burst into the palace because you were hiding one of their own in your room? That would be a disaster, right?"

I took a breath and tried to collect my racing thoughts. Etherea's head was turned toward the window again, partially hiding her face behind a curtain of vibrant blue hair. Her ears were completely hidden so she definitely didn't like what I was saying. But I still had more - this train wasn't stopping.

"And what of the possibility of injuries or diseases? I mean we haven't gotten sick yet, which is a good sign, but that isn't a guarantee. And I don't have the ability to test it, so we can't know whether you'll be okay until you aren't."

I shook my head to get more time to think. My thoughts still wouldn't arrange themselves into neat little rows. I dreaded the dire possibilities if we did nothing now and something went wrong later, but at the same time my gut viciously wrenched against itself when I considered revealing Etherea. Especially because I'd hidden her for several days already.

At that moment I wished that Etherea would just up and disappear.

It was a terrible, cruel thought - wanting her gone like that - but without her around I wouldn't be so on edge. I would still be surrounded by all the comforting things of a normal life instead of looking over the brink of an abyss I wasn't cut out to face. And I wouldn't feel like a sexual pervert. Maybe.

But it didn't matter. She was here and nothing I could wish for would change that. I just had to deal with it. Easier said than done.

She hadn't said anything and was still staring off and away. Her pose appearing relaxed and her breathing was even, but the distant and slightly trepid cast to her features made her look lost. Which was all my fault, of course. What I was doing wasn't really fair to her, was it?

"At the same time I didn't want to put you through all this. I thought..." I trailed off as my thoughts jumbled up too much.

"I know," she said as her eyes returned to mine. Her voice was soft enough to almost be lost in the near-silence, but it was more steady than her well-guarded expression. "You kept me safe out of consideration." Well, when she put it that way it didn't sound so bad. "Do you... um, do you think... it would be like you said earlier? That your government would keep me and treat... me as though I were inherently dangerous?"

Her question had no good answer. I just didn't know! "I really doubt that they'd be, um... malicious. We're not cruel like that," most of us, at least, "and it would be just plain stupid. I don't know how free you'd be though. You could be free to roam some complex as long as you didn't leave, or you could be locked in a room until their paranoia was satisfied." She flinched and I mentally cursed myself.

"I... I do not know." I was all ears as she straightened and took deep breath. A little shaky, but deep. "You think that... I should be fine, but...," her head swiveled like she couldn't find what she was looking for, "you cannot guarantee that to me. I... I will admit that I, ummm, that I am," her muzzle again dipped low, "afraid... and would really prefer to stay here for the time being. I-If it really is in, umm, e-everypony's... best interests then I will leave. But..."

Her slightly too-wide eyes lifted to mine again, but it wasn't the same as before. With a hint of a downward curl in her lips and still-hiding ears this wasn't terror by a long shot, but she was definitely scared.

My heart leapt. That face made me want to protect her; bleeding heart that I am.

"But I-I would rather... not."

If she stayed it meant possibly pissing off two worlds, maybe risking alien diseases, and having a constant reminder that my baser instincts might be really screwed up. Life would generally be more difficult for Craig and I. We couldn't have friends over and would have to carefully plan who was doing what, and when. And he and I would have provide everything for her.

But at the same time sending her off to the authorities wasn't any more guaranteed to avoid a pissed off Equestria. That still came down to needing to get her home first; something that curious scientists might further delay. And when it came down to diseases Etherea seemed to be right so far. Apparently our two worlds were similar enough for visiting creatures to get along.

Or was that different enough to not be an immediate danger to the other? Oh, that was a deep question! I'd need time to think about it.

And while I was on the topic of positives, letting her stay here would allow me to spend more time with a freaking My Little Pony pony! I was far too fascinated to let my hesitation over her attractiveness deny me this once-in-a-lifetime chance. And she was attractive, I couldn't deny that.

"I wish I could give you a more definite answer, I really do. I think I know, but I don't for sure. I just don't feel..."

"Would you be... able to check with somepony?"

Somepony? Ask someone! Duh! "I don't know. Maybe?" I doubted any of my family or friends would know; I'd written them off shortly after Etherea arrived. But if Roswell, SETI, and all the Sci Fi from the nineteen fifties and sixties had any truth, then someone out there had to have considered this situation. Finding an official first contact procedure, and who was in charge of it, should go a long ways toward settling both our nerves.

"I guess the government may have a plan and a department waiting around for this kind of thing to happen. The U.N. is all about everyone working together peacefully, so they might have something about what they would do for first contact. Y'know, so everything is resolved peacefully."

Etherea perked up and sat straighter as I verbally worked through my thoughts. Her ears had even shown themselves in a firm display of hope.

"I'd bet money that their plan would be about the same."

And there went Etherea's ears again, taking her posture right back down with them too. Fuck!

"But... but you don't know for sure?" I barely shook my head, too busy mentally kicking myself. "Why do you not look in to it? In the mean time I... I will consider... what I wish to do."

Her statement of intent was in true princess form, but there was something off about it. With the slightly too-perky pose and almost hopeful undertone in her voice it was like... Like she was hoping that I would agree with her.

"Yeah..." I was left aghast at my willingness to agree with her choice. Well, I guess I wasn't going to have more time to think about it. "I-I... Uhhhh... I guess that sounds like a good idea. I'll try and find out what I can and give you some time to think." Some time to put off the decision, really. I wasn't fooled; I often did - and was doing - the same thing myself.

But if it made her feel better...

My heart leapt again - though not as powerfully - as Etherea flashed a thin smile at me and relaxed a little. And strangely enough I felt a little better. Then she twisted, shifting to her right and extending her right wing out over the island. I tensed for a second as the feathered appendage approached my hand. But Etherea and I had already been over this kind of thing so it should be just fine. Her smile grew as I turned my hand over and the underside of her wing came to rest on my palm, the tiny feathers tickling my fingers.

"I think you are doing... a fine job of it in spite of what... you may think, Alex. And I thank you for that." A happy pony princess was definitely the best.

It was disappointing just how soon her wing left my hand. She might be right there in front of me but the physical contact made her so much more real. I was still thoroughly amazed that she actually existed - that Equestria did - and every little reminder of that was thrilling to no end.

Though, since she was also so attractive, wanting the contact to linger was just a bit creepy. So it was really for the best.

We gradually returned to copying the various names into each other's languages though the entire atmosphere was more subdued. Other than the scratch of pencils and Etherea occasionally saying a name there wasn't much else. I needed time to think about where and from who I could find an official policy on first contact. And how to do so without drawing undue suspicion. Maybe if I pretended to be an author writing some kind of science fiction...

From the glimpses I stole it seemed that the pony across from me was deep in thought as well. When she wasn't writing her attention remained down but her eyes were no longer following my fingers. Every now and again her ears would shift between fully back and half-mast. It didn't look like she was getting any further than I.

The lack of conversation meant that the moment Craig stirred, we knew it. A distant groan, the sound of something large slowly falling off his bed, and then a solid thump hitting the floor gave us plenty of warning. Etherea twisted fully around to look over her withers, but when she reversed her turn to give me a thoroughly confused look all I could do was shrug. I wasn't in any more sure than she which left both of us more interested in him than our current quiet musings.

Our stares pulled him up short as he was moseying past the living room entrance. "What?"

Etherea stiffened, a shiver sliding down her mane, and her ears twitched though she managed to keep them upright. I wondered about that reaction for a split second before remembering last night. Maybe she wasn't so quick to forgive his antics as I'd thought.

Maybe if I started cheerfully this wouldn't devolve unpleasantly. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

"Er... Yeah. Um, why're you all staring?"

I couldn't help but give him an overly cheerful and obviously fake grin. "Oh, no reason. Just thought we'd greet you properly since you're finally awake." Even Etherea spared me an incredulous look.

"Yeah. Okay. That's creepy as hell though, dude. And, um, dudette." I rolled my eyes and snorted as he nodded at Etherea. She cocked her head and seemed to be mouthing the word to herself. "Oh hey, I got something to say to you."

I would have expected him to direct that to me, but no, his attention was still on Etherea as he advanced through the living area. That sparked a little tense twisting in my gut. His stance was easy though and I hardly expected anything aggressive from my roommate, but this was unusual. And especially alarming after last night.

Etherea's back was rigidly set. I suppose I had more to worry from her since she was the magical alicorn here. I shifted to the edge of me seat, my heart picking up its pace in the background as Etherea stood and faced my roommate. If push came to shove there really was precious little I could do to stop her. Hopefully she would listen to me.

She centered her hooves and lifted her head high. It was the same authoritative pose I'd seen before, just not from this angle. A certain shapely posterior was to one side of my vision, a neat cascade of vibrant blue obscuring just the right amount, but I kept my eyes firmly up. Even when she lashed her tail.

"And I would like a word with you as well, Craig."

"Alright," that winsome smile returned, bringing my hackles up, "just let me say this one thing first."

Craig, in an old tank top and jeans that'd probably been worn for years past their retirement date, stopped just outside of arm's reach from her and blithely ignored the fact that everything in her stance said he was far too close. The firmly-folded ears and another tail lash - somehow still not uncovering anything - should have hammered her mood home with him.

Yeah, she was an unhappy pony. Perhaps last night had not gone over as well as she'd had me believe.

"I had a bunch of time to think at the station. Gets boring as hell late night in the middle of the week." He crouched, forearms on his thighs and hands dangling between his knees. "I've known girls like you. Umm, y'know, really nice ones. I know it really bothers you when someone gets all up in your business like that. And Alex here keeps saying how, um, dedicated...? ...this being an alien thing is."

I blinked. "Delicate?"

"Yeah! That. How this whole alien from another planet thing is a whole lotta' that. I'm not blind. You didn't like the way I was just messing around 'cause that wasn't very, um, delicate of me."

I shrugged when he looked to me for confirmation. Eh, he was close enough.

"So I'm sorry 'bout that."

I'd almost expected him to propose to her after all that. I quickly shut my mouth. As funny as that could have been if this were just him and me, it would be monumentally stupid to blurt out now. And that kind of thing is why I try and edit everything I think.

And Etherea? She actually recoiled, passing a quick, very hesitant look at me with even wider eyes and a partially unhinged jaw. Under nearly any other circumstance it would have been amusing.

Okay, it was. But that was another thought that I firmly squelched.

"Yes, well... Um, thank you, Craig." A brief silence followed. Why'd I have to be behind her where I couldn't see anything? "I have come to realize... that I should not take anything you say too seriously. Or most anything. Though your apology does seem heartfelt. It took me a little to... realize that last night was really no... exception to that." She took a deep breath. "Even so, and as much as I appreciate... the sentiment, such... things... are undesired, so please do your best... to rein them in."

"Aye, aye, princess." Really, Craig?

"He means he understands and will comply," I filled in when Etherea turned a raised eyebrow at me.

She nodded and - I assume - returned Craig's smile. Though if her tense stance was anything to go on then hers was probably a bit more tentative. Thankfully, my nerves began sorting themselves out as my companions stood down, deciding that the situation had been resolved.

"Thanks for that, Craig. A little caution goes a long ways here." Holy hell that was corny! If only I could take the second part back...

"No problem." He nodded to Etherea as he stepped around her on his search for some cereal. "I'm stupid, not dumb."

"Wait, wasn't it the other way around last night?"

He shrugged, of course. "I dunno', maybe. You know what I mean. So what're you two up to there?"

That brought Etherea's chin and ears right up. "We have been comparing... the spellings of names as a first step to learning one... another's language. Would you care to join us?"

One look at the page in front of me was all it took to kill Craig's expression. And a stern look from Etherea reminded him to swallow his food before answering. Maybe I should keep her around just for her effect on him.

"How about this. I'm no good with chickenscratch so why don't you just send me the book on tape when you've got it all sorted out? Or whatever those things are that teach this stuff."

"You're missing out, man," I sing-songed while dutifully copying another name.

"Yeah, no." Good, old Craig. He had enough trouble with one language so I wasn't at all surprised.

"So pri... Etherea. What did you wanna' tell me?"

Etherea, who had been pondering her sheet of names while idly twirling her pencil in its golden aura, twitched like she'd been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. "Oh! Um, I was going to mention last night actually. But that has already been taken care of."

"Last night, ey...?" That got both Etherea's and my attention. And garnered Craig a pair of challengingly-narrowed violet eyes from the princess. "Ehhh, never mind. Almost forgot!"

Yeah, Etherea wasn't having any of it and stared down that goofy grin of his. He was unrelenting though. He gave every indication of being at ease which was probably what was upsetting Etherea in the first place. She wanted him to take things more seriously, which he was as much as he would - he'd volunteered an apology after all - though she might have lost sight of that.

This was getting us all nowhere. Which only made me more nervous about what would finally break the stalemate. Though, actually, I had something. I should really include Craig in the conversation we'd been having. For a long moment of those two going at it silently I wondered whether I should just ignore the issue - it would be easier in the short term. But Craig was just as much a part of this as I was. And he lived here too.

With a heavy heart I opened my mouth again. "Actually Craig, I had something to ask you."

That did the trick. Now I was the center of attention. I swallowed and resolutely forged ahead.

"Etherea and I were talking earlier..."

"Oh, I see how it is!" He stood tall and pointed his spoon at me, his stern expression clearly a mock one. "You two are kicking me out. Is that it? After all I've done for you?!"

"What?! No!" Cue the appalled princess taking a step back, her wings catching themselves partway to flaring, and staring in horror. "I would never...!"

"Woah. Etherea. He's just messing around."

Craig rolled his eyes but was soon enough sporting a massive grin. Etherea blinked those wide eyes a couple times before they narrowed even further, a frown fit to be a sneer grew on her muzzle. That was not a good sign. I fixed Craig with another serious stare; hopefully he'd get it without me having to spell everything out.

"No Craig, we were discussing whether it would be better for everyone if Etherea went to the authorities." I pointed my spoon right back at him. "As long as nothing major happens we think we'll all be alright, but there's only so much you and I can do for her. I guess Earth is similar enough to Equestria that it might not be a problem." Hopefully the universe didn't take that as a challenge. I shifted slightly while I tried to put the rest of my thoughts into words.

"And you live here too, so you should be part of this." Etherea was now giving me a strange look that I couldn't quite place. One ear up, one down. "I'm worried about pissing off the government by keeping this from them. Especially if something happens to get them involved, like Etherea's people showing up looking for her."

I sighed, staring off into the distance. "But we're also worried about how the government will treat her. And getting her home first would allow her to set them up to make a better first impression."

Now it was out. Since Etherea hadn't exploded from bringing her choice back into question there was little to do except wait on Craig. Who was now staring at the ceiling and slowly chewing the spoonfuls of cereal he was taking just as 'quickly.' Which stretched the silence longer and longer. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Craig think this hard.

Etherea met one of my glances her way and gave me a small frown. Yeah, I know. Sorry princess. But she released it along with a long, silent breath.

"I dunno', man." All eyes on Craig! "I trust the feds as far as I can throw them, but you're right about one thing: they're the guys who get this shiiii... stuff handled. Y'know what I mean?" I nodded; Etherea had one eyebrow jacked up nearly past her horn as she alternated which of us to look completely lost at. "Alex, you're a pretty smart guy, but we're not like secret agents or anything. I'm hoping you've got a better plan than me for this 'cause I ain't got shi... one."

"Well, Etherea," I motioned toward her with a hand, "isn't comfortable with turning herself..." Oh, that was definitely the wrong way to say it! "Um, she isn't comfortable without knowing more, so the plan was for me to try and figure out what the government might do about a real alien." And my mental fingers were crossed that I'd like what I found. Or better yet, that Etherea would.

"Sounds good to me, man. Figure out what's going on before we do anything stupid."

That deserved an incredulous look. We'd already done so much stupid shit and now he was worried? Not that he looked all that worried. Or that he ever seemed to worry that much.

Poor Etherea, on the other hand, seemed to have given up on the conversation and instead returned to the last of her bagel. Though she kept a careful eye on us.

"So that's the plan? You're just gonna' look up UFO sites all day?" I almost got a word in edgewise. "What about Oggie's tonight? You still coming?"

Crap! Right. Craig was playing host for the station and I'd already told my other friends that I couldn't do anything tonight because I'd also be going. I couldn't help looking toward Etherea who was patiently following each exchange. But it wasn't right to abandon her and go to a party, especially on her birthday. Crap, crap, crap!

"I... I guess I probably won't. Remember that it's Etherea's birthday today. I'm not going to just ignore that."

Etherea opened her mouth but Craig proved he was still quicker. "Really? Oh right, I remember. That's a bummer dude. You need to get out more..." His eyes bulged as his head snapped up.

What? Something was wrong?! My head whipped around to follow Craig's stare. A flurry of flying blue hair from the other side of the island was Etherea doing the same. But he wasn't looking toward the window. He was... I glanced back to be sure but he didn't seem to be looking at anything in particular. So what...?

He gave Etherea an odd, piercing look as he came back to us, a hint of a grin on his lips. "How about this. What if we take you to Oggie's tonight? Show you how humans do a real birthday party! Would be one helluva'..."

"What?!"

My brain had gone blank - I could not have heard that right! Fortunately Etherea's shriek picked up my slack.

"Y-you, you...! You cannot be serious! That would mean going out th-there when...!" a forehoof was flung wide in the general direction of the window.

"Woah, woah, woah there princess!" Craig's spoon-hand came up defensively. Unfortunately it also called attention to the food still in his mouth. Another blazing glare from Etherea pretty much forced the food down his gullet on its own. "Woah. Just hold your horses." He deserved the visual skewering I sent him for that phrase. "I was just playing around. I'm not going to blow all your hiding just 'cause of some party. You kinda' look like a normal pony but nobody'd be fooled by those wings and that horn. Or you talking."

Oh, goddamnit! Of course he was joking. I really should have caught on faster. All this stress was really screwing with my head.

Etherea's strange reaction caught my eye. She had her muzzle down and to the side, her head pulled back almost defensively. Her brow was heavily creased and her eyes were darting between Craig and some point off to her right. She looked more suspicious and confused than anything. I missed whatever Craig said next because I was busy watching Etherea open and close her mouth several times.

"Wait. Step back a couple paces. Did you just... say 'horses'?" Shit! Horses were another thing I hadn't had a chance to mention! Her attention was now flipping rapidly between Craig and I.

"Uhhhhh... Yup. I think I did. Wh...?"

"But... but you do not even..." Those violet eyes settled firmly on Craig as her voice gain strength. "How do you have a... a colloquialism about horses?!"

"A what now?" He cocked his head at me, of course.

"Did you... not just say, 'hold your horses'?" Etherea was just gaping at him. She was definitely going to need help with this one.

"Ummm... Yes?"

"That's a collo...!"

"Hold up." I nearly flinched as I injected myself back into the conversation. "Etherea, what is a 'horse' to you?"

She blinked. "When you say, um, 'horse' the spell gives me 'yun ulael.' A yun ulael is a non-sapient species of pony that, um..." She shook her head once slowly. "I suppose it would be more accurate to say that there is evidence that ponies may have once been yun ulaelias. We are both quadrupeds of similar form," she nodded back toward her midsection, "though a yun ulael would have had a longer and narrower head, a more pronounced muzzle, stockier form, and thicker legs. There are a number of small, non-sapient, um, equine species that still bear a greater resemblance to yun ulaelias than us ponies. From the fossils I have seen a yun ulael would stand nearly twice as tall as I."

Her eyes sought us out again, every feature of her face seeking an answer from us. "And somehow your world knows of y... horses."

I glanced at Craig, who already had an eyebrow raised at me. I shook my head at both of them. "I have no idea. I don't know how they relate to Equestria, but horses exist here and have for millions of years. Humans have myths involving horses going back probably just as far. They're probably some of the oldest domesticated animals."

'Domesticated animals'? I'd pretty much just called Etherea's ancestors stupid beasts! I clamped my mouth shut and had to force myself to sit still instead of leaning back just in case she exploded.

Craig interrupted first. "Yeah, they're like everywhere." Etherea's eyes went wide. "They're all over the place on farms and things. TV, movies, and books too probably. People used to ride them all..."

"Huh," was all she said. She just looked at me for a moment, her face strangely blank though her ears were still up. That was normally a good sign. Then she shrugged. "Well, it is not the strangest thing... I have heard in the past few days. And questioning it too much right now... is not worth the headache."

She then stretched her head forward a little, her eyes almost sparkling... with curiosity? "I would really like to see one... at some point!"

Cool relief washed over me as it became clear that that bullet had whizzed by harmlessly. "I don't think that'll be a problem." Wait, was I seriously thinking of showing Etherea horses? I... guess I was. I'd already introduced her to a cartoon featuring her world, broken her worldview on weather and celestial objects, so why not?

Still, my mind tried to draw connections between teaching Etherea about horses and my own current issues with them. Realistically I was just being idiotic and had nothing to fear. It was absolutely ludicrous that Etherea would pick up on my troubled thoughts just by seeing a picture of a horse. Unless they were in my dreams and Etherea was peeking in for some reason.

Yeah, no. I wasn't going to drive myself to distraction when Etherea had done nothing to make me suspect her.

"I guess I can probably even do that sometime."

The great, beaming smile that broke out across her muzzle was wonderful. And rather pretty too. It pushed up her cheeks and crinkled the corners of her eyes just right.

I sighed within the confines of my own head while carefully keeping my expression placid. The pony marefriend of another pony wasn't someone I should be spending a lot of time thinking about.

"Alright. So you'll be ditching me at the party tonight," Craig gave me a look that was almost a pout, but him trying to do that stupid grin at the same time ruined both at once, "but you're keeping an eye on the birthday girl so I guess it's alright." Strangely enough he gave no indication at all that he was going to tease me for that. Huh. "Any plans for the rest of the day or are me and the princess getting more quality time with the TV?"

"Etherea."

"Right, Eth..."

"And actually, I plan on spending... some of this afternoon doing what cleaning around here... that I can. I said I would show my thanks for your kindness... by helping out, and I think today may be as good a time as any."

"Really? You'll be playing maid for us? In that case how about you..."

"I'm not touching your room."

Oh, the deadpan was strong with the princess. I couldn't help an amused snort breaking through. Turning my head was my only hope to not laugh outright, and hopefully it hid my expression as well. Neither of them needed to see how close I was.

"Oh. Da..."

"I plan on sticking to tasks that... I will be able to complete." Etherea's voice was light and lilting. Was I enjoying her getting the upper hand on Craig? Maybe a little too much.

Nah. Just enough.

"Well, I guess I'll just stay out of your way then, pr... Etherea. Shi... I mean, um," he took a deep breath but continued grinning just the same, "I'm not gonna' get between a woman and her cleaning." Keeping my damned mouth shut was probably the wisest thing. Etherea could apparently defend herself, something Craig seemed to realize as he came under a very stony glare.

"Alright, alright." My roommate theatrically threw up his hands. "You'll be doing your thing. I'll just hang out on the couch and stay out of your way then."

Oh no you don't! My turn. "Actually, Craig, I need you to do laundry today. Y'know, since you didn't do the dishes last night."

"Awwww, maaaaaan!" His hands were flung again and he stomped around in a small circle like a toddler on a tantrum. That was actually pretty accurate - the toddler part that is.

"Oh, quit it you big baby. Laundry's about the least hard thing to do around here. Just put it in, set it, and forget it. Hell, you still get to come back and veg out on the couch."

He grumbled but his tone was pretty good-natured. "Fine. I'll do the laundry."

"That is a good, um, human." I know Etherea meant, it's just that the expression was pretty well destroyed by her inexperience with the language. "It is only fair, after all."

"Just you wait." Craig lifted a menacing finger in front of Etherea's muzzle. Her chin came up a bit but she didn't break her level stare. "I don't know the first thing about princessly laundry. Whites, lacy shi... things, and colors! I guess they all just go in together. They'll be fine, right? I hope they don't all come out all wrinkly and... stuff! And the soap, that blue goop, and those little paper thingies... What if I don't do it right?!" By the time he finished he was leaning in and giving her the stink eye.

But Etherea just stared for a second. Then she leaned back and raised an eyebrow at me. I couldn't help because I was feeling dumber just from having heard his... tirade? I mean, I got the joke at its core but my thoughts were too disjointed to express. I settled for an anguished shaking of my head.

"You do realize that she doesn't wear clothes, right?"

Craig's whole face scrunched with mock disgust. "You're not helping, man. Was hoping she wouldn't think of that." He raised his voice an octave to a terrible falsetto as he ran a tight circle around the kitchen and flailed his hands above his head. "Oh no, not my clothes! You beast!"

He finally came to a stop beside me, resting an elbow on the island and faux whispering conspiratorially. "'Cause you know girls and their clothes."

"As a joke," Etherea's statement was almost a question, "it was very poor, Craig."

"Eh. Didn't go like I'd thought. Oh well." Craig shrugged, patted me on the head, and slipped past us to meander back toward the hall. "You're alright princess; don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Etherea and I just sat there and watched. I mean really, what else could I do? The conversation had been centered around him so thoroughly. Though I had to admire Craig's willingness to make an ass of himself in the name of... 'entertainment,' I guess. And I will admit that it had been amusing.

But what about Etherea? We looked back at each other at nearly the same moment, her ears folding. Right, the awkward, scared, and horribly out of place pony princess was...

A faint smile worked its way onto her muzzle. "Well, that... was kind of fun."

I remained silent for my own good while I mulled over an appropriately upbeat answer. "Other than the one hiccup, a good enough start to the day?"

This time a sliver of white peeked through Etherea's smile as she nodded with a bit more enthusiasm. "I cannot complain about it. And, if you are really going through with celebrating... my birthday then hopefully it... will continue to being a good one."

I tensed momentarily. My thoughts returned to all the things a 'normal' birthday should feature that this one just couldn't. Friends and family were out of the question - unless they showed up to kick my butt in the middle of it, my ever-helpful brain was quick to point out - and I wouldn't be inviting any of my own. I also couldn't afford to do much in the way of gifts, nor was there anywhere I could take her. Crap, what was I going to do for her birthday?

Etherea hadn't seemed to notice my momentary lapse and settled back to reexamine the paper in front of her. I joined her, letting my thoughts run aimlessly where they would and hoping they would find something birthday-worthy on their own. Strangely enough Craig serenaded us from the shower.

Actually, there was one thing I actually could do for her. Well, depending how ornate she liked things.

"So, um, is there anything in particular that you'd like to eat for dinner?"

She gave me an appraising look for a long moment and then rattled off a string of complicated 'somethings' that I was completely at a loss over. Hell, I barely caught half the words because I was too busy trying and failing to remember the previous ones, and wondering whether I'd heard more than a quarter of them before. I think it was something about creamy light and 'the burbs.' I think there was even an 'a la' in there, but that couldn't be right - there was no way she knew French.

Actually, the one thing I could tell was that it hadn't been Equestrian. Her voice and tone were familiar enough but the vowels and things - and the cadence - were just a bit off. Another language altogether then? Another moment of silence followed as I just stared, my thoughts whirling in aimless loops. I was in way over my head.

"I don't think..."

I stopped when I finally saw that smile she was trying to hide behind a downturned muzzle. Her smile grew to include a slight blush. Okay, so she was messing with me now.

She chose to rescue me after giggling under her breath. "It is alright Alex. I am not too worried over... you cooking the finest of Prench, Bitalian, or Kodractikti cuisine. I am actually very... fond of cucumbers and, um, mayonnaise sandwiches on good white bread... with some Nessuorllien. It's a mild cheese, though I don't know how I can describe... it to you without trying some of your cheeses. I also like to add a few Chrysanthemum petals and a... small dash of pepper."

Cucumbers, mayonnaise, mild cheese, Chrysanthemums, and pepper. Got it. I definitely needed to write that one down so I wouldn't forget. So like always I scribbled a quick note in tiny letters on the corner of the nearest piece of paper. It was likely I'd be holding onto the list of names and their translations for a while yet anyways.

Afterward I looked up to find Etherea staring at my writing hand with the same rapt attention as earlier. Her head was twisted a bit sideways, causing one ear to flop in the same direction. When she noticed that I had noticed, both her ears instantly hid under her mane and a hint of orange bloomed on her cheeks. It was absolutely adorable. I put an elbow on the counter and pressed a fist to my chin to hide my grin.

"Yes, well..." She daintily cleared her throat behind a hoof before inclining her head toward my note. "So that would be a shopping list?" Deflection much? She responded to my wider grin with a tiny sigh and a sheepish eye roll.

It's alright princess, I've had my fun. "Yup. I'm gonna' try and do this right since it is a birthday. And a royal one to boot." She blinked. Right, turns of phrase got muddled because they were even more contextual than regular speech. "Can't let myself forget anything if I can. Oh, and happy birthday by the way."

"Thank you, Alex."

Which reminded me... I cringed at the thought that cropped up. "Oh, and humans have a sort of running joke where you get spanked once for each year in your birthday." She recoiled and I the rest tumbled over itself trying to get out faster and reassure her. "It's just a stupid joke! I'm just letting you know in case Craig brings it up. I learned my lesson yesterday!"

Etherea's whole body jerked stiffly and her eyes just about popped from her skull. I froze. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me - not like that, stupid brain - fuck me! Stupid? Spectacularly! I moaned internally from the mental agony.

For her part, the alicorn across from me stared while various parts of her face alternated twitching like they couldn't decide which expression to follow. I just waited for the hammer to drop, listening to my heart running wild and trying vainly to think of a way to smooth this one over. She must have reached a consensus because a slightly wary and mildly unhappy frown finally settled across her features.

"Sorry. That came out wrong," I blurted and then slapped my forehead down into an open palm. I needed to just shut the fuck up already!

It was a long moment before she said anything. "I should say." Her voice was cold but I heard her take a breath and then let it go. "Stress. We're both very stressed... no matter how peaceful everything may seem. We... we just need to keep in mind that our unease is shared and to... not let our reactions get out of hoof." It sounded like she'd been reading something back to me. A quote perhaps?

I brought my head back up and found her wearing a carefully inscrutable expression. In some ways it was more alarming than outright anger. And yet she'd been trying to talk the situation down, which should actually be a good sign.

"Alex, you look more upset about this... than even I should be." It was a bit of a slap but I think that faint smile was her trying to pull the blow. "I may be a little unhappy but that is all it is: a little." A head shake. "You need not worry so much; I will not be permanently... damaged by a little hardship," she flicked her head, her mane swaying gently, "and you have already shown that you care. Aaaand... you know, if you really want to make it up to... me then a nice birthday - not a perfect one - would be a good way."

I nodded even as my thoughts again zipped off to explore the problem of what I could do for her. Her whole face seemed to brighten with her smile as I sorted myself out. She had, of course, struck directly at the heart of the issue - things were getting better around here so there wasn't any need for such strong reactions. Still, as much as I wished it were otherwise, relaxing completely wasn't something I ever did. Not with the danger of wayward thoughts escaping.

That calm and rational attitude of an experienced princess was probably the best thing going for the both of us then. She'd pretty much admitted to still being freaked out over everything but she was coping more strongly. I didn't think I had it in me - I needed time. But the catch-22 was that time wasn't something I really wanted to give myself.

I really was extremely thankful that she was who she was. I needed that stability.

The lists of names didn't take much time to finish. Conversation was intermittent but pleasant. Forgiving and forgetting was clearly a thing so we both just kind of got over my fuck up. By the time we finished things were pretty amicable.

Still, my pony guest spent a few long moments staring out the East-facing living area windows as I cleared the dishes. Maybe her mood wasn't as stable as I'd thought - naturally I expected either my actions or her predicament to be the focus of her thoughts. But that was just as likely me thinking in circles again, finding the direst explanations for things that weren't as bad as I expected. Her thoughts could just as likely be much more mundane - her expression left no clues either way.

So I let my worries return to a sort of background simmer, which was a marked improvement over the last few days.

Introducing Etherea to our stash of cleaning supplies for her self-imposed chores garnered some heavy incredulity. What had she expected? Toilet bowl cleaner, comet, dish soap, and nothing else apparently wasn't it. Well, as a princess I suppose she was used to see a veritable cornucopia of washes, soaps, cleaning agents, and finishing products that were tailored to every surface in the palace.

If her description of her sheltered life was true, then she might never have been anywhere near a true bachelor pad. We lived off of 'cheap and easy.' After all, if dish soap was good enough for the stuff we ate off of, then it was good enough for most anything we actually wanted clean.

Etherea went straight to work on the various doorknobs around the place of course, attacking Craig's first like it owed her money. Apparently the princess had a vengeful streak in her. Chuckling at that earned me glare. And then the barest smidge of a stuck out tongue.

I started and did a double take just to verify what I'd seen. But it was already gone, she having pivoted smartly back to what she was doing. She'd reacted almost... playfully. Well, I guess the princess wasn't feeling very gloomy after all. I couldn't help smiling at that.

It didn't last long. The closet was at the end of hallway closest to my room. Craig's room was at the opposite end. Etherea was working between the two. So now I had a lean yet shapely pony rump pointed right at me. It might have been something I wanted to see more of but I recoiled anyway. Getting caught near it was something to desperately avoid!

Jumping away to escape would be just as bad though - she'd notice that for sure! And while I sorted it all out I wasn't moving any time soon.

I was really going to do this again wasn't I?

Two familiar sides squared off again over some very familiar ground. One part of me asked what was so wrong and another wondered what was wrong with the first. But short of going back and forth like this there was no easy solution. Neither end of the spectrum had lost any strength since yesterday.

The subtle twitches that crossed Etherea's form as she worked were just titillating enough to make me wonder about the depths of my own depravity. Pussy was pussy. Horse pussy wasn't just any pussy though, even if pony pussy wasn't really...

"Uhhhh... What're you doing?"

My skin made a good attempt at leaping free of me as Craig's slightly damp and still unruly-haired - seriously, nothing could tame it - head poked out of the bathroom. As I wrangled my heart back into position I noted that Craig wasn't even paying attention to me. He might actually have missed my reaction!

Quick Alex, think of something! "Your knob is dirty."

Etherea didn't seem to notice other than one ear rotating toward us, but Craig sputtered, his head whipping around to face me as his mouth came unhinged. It was beautiful. He hadn't been expecting that at all! A burst of elation flooded me as his wide eyes twitched from me to Etherea and back again.

But this was Craig we were talking about, so I had about two-thirds of a second before he bounced back. Yup, his mouth closed and began to curl into a familiar grin. Only one sensible option remained so I scampered into my room as fast as my feet could carry me. Leave him hanging; there was no other way to come out on top!

As I swatted the door closed I chuckled to myself in satisfaction. Yeah Craig, I can sometimes play your game. Though having done so right 'in front' of Etherea, and using her as the subject, brought an unpleasant warmth to my face. She'd been less than agreeable to similar antics last night. I could be in trouble. Knowing Craig, he'd just explain the euphemism to her and let her deal with me.

Damnit! I couldn't win for losing. Or however that phrase went. I pressed an ear to my door in an effort to find out just how screwed I was.

Voices. And what sounded like regular conversation. It was short and intermittent so they weren't talking about much. And Craig sounded far away. He was probably in his room. More importantly was Etherea, who didn't sound upset. Nor did she sound particularly happy - just... 'normal.'

I took a step back, not wanting to be caught dead near the door, and a thin smirk tried to make its way back to my face. I might have beaten Craig at his own game. Might have. That was a good feeling. But at what cost?

Well I certainly wasn't going back out there and potentially call attention to something Craig might have simply let slide. Even if I knew he wouldn't do so forever. But if either of them wanted to pursue the issue then they'd have to come for me in my place.

Feeling better and a bit more relaxed I took a look around. Everything was about where it had been - my stuff in its usual spots and Etherea's still on the nightstand, though rearranged. The most notable difference was the bed itself. The sheets weren't as neat and tidy as I expected from the princess, but at least they were still in place. Hopefully the lack of thorough dishevelment was a good sign and meant that she was sleeping more soundly.

That possibility was a glorious little piece of sunshine tailor-made to brighten my day. Maybe this whole situation was going to turn out alright. I just had to help Etherea get home. Or figure out whether she'd feel safe letting someone else do it.

Which brought me to my computer. Ah, the familiar sounds of the electronics kicking on and booting up. The old chair, speakers, random clutter around the edges of the desk, and an afternoon where I could just kick back and be unproductive were all comfortingly familiar. I'd missed this.

Almost as soon as the familiar desktop resolved I picked out the internet icon, clicked it into gear, and sought out a particular live-streaming radio station. Sure, I could have used my own radio, but my computer came with surround sound. Thankfully Craig wasn't also playing his own radio, the two sources competing and slightly de-synced. Nothing's worse that hearing your favorite stuff in almost, but not quite, stereo.

So let's see here. Government policies and procedures on extraterrestrial first contact. A couple articles for the U.N.'s 'Space Ambassador' popped up. As did a couple where the U.N. denied having a 'Space Ambassador' - including one from the supposed ambassador herself. Perfect! Contradictory reports were just what I wanted to see!

I tried again by being more direct and picked out NASA. If anyone would have any idea of what to do, it was them. Boy was I disappointed.

And while Wikipedia's article on the impact of first contact was interesting, it was mostly just useless conjecture. Seriously, I couldn't see even one link from Wikipedia to any theoretical first contact procedures. Was it too much to ask for one official source to have published its thoughts out how such a thing should be approached?

Apparently so. 'Look, don't touch, and run for help' was the only advice I could find! But I was so far past that part of first contact that there wouldn't even be any dust left to eat. Which left me wondering: was my only source of guidance going to be a slew of overly-dramatic science fiction movies?

The unhelpful sources were at least full of information that would have been interesting any other day, but the sensationalist sources... Fuck them. No seriously, fuck them. I had kind of expected to find plenty of alien theorists in the mix, but far and away the majority of hits were unfortunately among this second pile. Apparently aliens were real, they were here on Earth, they were interstellar locusts, they were eating our brains and souls, anal probing was the only way for them to get off... I could feel myself getting dumber by the page. What did anyone truly hoped to accomplish by flooding the net with this crap?

For a moment, just one, I considered asking Craig for ideas. He spent a good deal of time sifting through random, silly internet bullshit for stuff to ridicule on his radio show. Alien 'abductees,' conspiracy theorists, and government cover-ups were right up his alley, but he'd also been vocal about how stupid he thought space was. The chances of him knowing anything? Probably nil.

When Etherea got around to the knobs on my (her) door I made sure to hide of my frustrations under a layer of faux cheerfulness. And then again when she came for the sheets and other washables. My roommates, at least, seemed productive.

Had I just thought of Etherea as a roommate? Yup. And wow, a pony roommate! That was pretty cool once I thought about it.

And Etherea seemed pretty chipper as she went about her self-imposed tasks. I think I even heard faint bits of humming. A bout of chuckles nearly overwhelmed me as I considered teaching Etherea the theme tune of My Little Pony. I'd never be able to make it through something that silly with a straight face. Still, it might be an idea to save for later.

A thought struck me then. SETI was actively looking for aliens!

Crushing disappointment overwhelmed my good mood when it became clear that SETI's first contact procedure was little more than receive, analyze, verify, and share with world if true. Well, Etherea was in the next room so that neatly took care of SETI's entire process. And I knew for a fact that she would not be okay with being shared with the world. That's why I was doing this in the first place!

Goddamnit! I was getting nowhere. How could there not be a single goddamned thing about...

I needed a distraction. And fortunately there was a whole host of things I wanted to do so I had them aplenty.

The fear of death by alien virus had been a wonderfully nerve-wracking concern over the past few days. In fact, it could be the deciding factor in the original question that led me here. If it wasn't a thing, then that would be just about the best thing ever, though even if it was a very likely danger then at least it would be good to know! And knowing is half the battle.

And I was incredibly cheesy. Self-entertaining, but still so, so cheesy.

Too bad there wasn't much beyond just more pointless speculation on the matter. Even though he didn't seem to be an expert in the field, Neil deGrasse Tyson had the only response I could find that came near being an actual answer. Most illnesses could not pass the species barrier. It seemed even less likely to happen between things from different worlds. Ponies were from an entirely different reality. Ridiculously remote? His little discussion group thought so, so it seemed likely that Etherea was right.

There was still no hard evidence other than none of us from this apartment getting sick so far, so the possibility might remain. But hell, I was more than happy to accept it - her diseases required Harmony, and ours didn't like ponies.

Speaking of her health... The causes, effects, and signs of concussions were the next obvious choice. Because, well, I wanted to be completely sure Etherea was alright. Just one click later I pretty much was. Anything truly worrisome should have shown long ago.

As I meandered through the next item on my mental itinerary I can honestly say that I found more words for horse/bird anatomy than I could ever remember. It certainly didn't help that I wasn't a horse or a bird for the benefit of direct experience. But knowing things like a 'pastern' being kind of like a horse's ankle, and that horses had knees and elbows - in different places of course - was a good start. Maybe I wouldn't make a fool out of myself with an obviously wrong reference. Or at least wouldn't make myself look any more foolish.

It was, however, apparently too much to ask that even one website would label a bird's wing by the anatomical parts and not just the feathers. I was tempted to call the 'hands' of Etherea's wing 'Alulas' simply because of proximity. I suppose 'wrist,' 'forearm,' and maybe 'digits' would have to do.

The only problem with this avenue of research was that I got a nice, big eyefuls of the equine body. It wasn't very long before I noticed that most of my research material was of mares. Or at least a distressingly large number of images with a shapely horse rump on display.

Though it felt seriously wrong to specifically search for horse butt, morbid curiosity was the name of today's game. Yesterday's too, I supposed, but now I had the additional benefits of the internet and a lot of time. Was I okay with this? Maybe not, but I wasn't about to stop myself from finding out.

I took everything a step further and sought out the mare reproductive system, finding that my assessment yesterday wasn't really wrong. There was a distended, bulbous quality to a horse's vulva that wasn't quite attractive. 'Quite.' Shuddering, I realized that the problem was that a mare's pussy was just barely over the line - a few small changes and they could be attractive.

Changes to make it look more like Etherea's...

Well, fuck! That that didn't make me feel better at all! And yet, it was as much as I expected.

And I still couldn't stop thinking about it!

Maybe...

Maybe there was a reason. Maybe Craig had been right and I just badly needed to get off. It had been a while. A long while. Being really wound up and stuck in close proximity might be what was making my reaction to Etherea so strong.

But dealing with it now meant masturbating and there were a few very good reasons not to. For one, Craig or Etherea might wander in. As if that were bad enough, there was no way it would not get around to the other. I could only imagine the prissy princess' reaction to that. She might have had 'a couple experiences' as she put it, but if her attitude so far was anything to go by I expected disdain bordering on outright abhorrence.

The other reason was that I knew for a goddamned fact that horses would be on my mind no matter what else I might seek out. And maybe Etherea...

So no. N. O. I was not getting in to that.

But that left me with a problem. I wasn't exactly aroused - I'd done nothing yet - but my body was definitely tense with anticipation. Trying to ignore that energy left a feeling bordering on a full-body ache.

I could survive though. As long as I found a powerful distraction.

In fact, the best one was right under my fingertips! Nothing distracts like a video game! And truth be told, once the idea was there, I really wanted to get in some quality gaming. It had been three whole fucking days without so much as one monster slain, an enemy player squashed, or even a single quest completed! I needed this; I was dying here.

Calling it 'wonderful' would be a gross understatement. My guildmates and friends were there, the same as always. By the time I'd finished a solid round of greetings I was practically vibrating with giddiness. Scratch that. I was vibrating - one leg was curled under me but the other was free to bounce madly on the ball of my foot.

My guild even happened to be running a group for some good, old player versus player action. I pulled up my headset mic and hopped in. It was exactly what I needed.

We lost a few matches, but we won many more. Most groups tend to form from whoever just happened to join, so we - as a cohesive single-guild unit - out-geared them, out-coordinated them, and in many cases simply out-skilled them. A few groups better than the average rabble did give us some challenges, but that just made those fights even more fun.

It's a wonder that we hadn't run into any really good teams.

My door flung itself open, the outside handle wrapped in a golden halo. Even from across the room I felt disturbed air press against me. Etherea marched in soon after, ears hiding again and every line of her body rigid. The frown wrinkling her muzzle looked like it was trying to drag her face back and away from... something.

"Uuuummmmmmm..."

She jumped, spinning nearly a full ninety degrees and coming down with all four hooves spread and wings lifted. Wide violet eyes made it look like she was about to bolt. I guess she'd forgotten I was in here?

"Wha...?" I really needed to come up with something meaningful before I spoke.

She blinked and turned deep orange - from horn tip to hooves, I swear. When she took a step back I remembered that I was still partway between sitting and standing while leaning over my desk. It probably looked like I was about to leap over it at her. I took a deep breath, straightened, and made a couple gentle motions with my hands to try and calm her. It was probably a pointless gesture - I couldn't see ponies using anything similar get some... pony to calm down.

"Ummmm... What's going on?" Better!

Her rump landed firmly. A good sign, I suppose, though she took her sweet time breathing in, still looking very orange. Near silence reined until her long breath finally tapered out.

"I was, um, cleaning your cat's... litter, which was bad... enough, but then he entered the bathroom and he went." She shivered, her head lightly vibrating side-to-side, and poked her tongue out through a grimace.

I know she said she'd had an aversion to such things, but really...! I felt so stupid asking this, but I just had to be sure. "He 'went'?"

Her muzzle lowered so she could show me just how serious her stare was. Her persistent orange color wasn't helping. "Yes. He went." She made a strangled little sound as her hoof lifted, twitched, and shifted slightly toward pointing rearward. It went straight back to the floor.

This was over Dimble taking a dump? Really?!

"You understand, don't you Alex?" Those lovely violet eyes were wide, her stance and the subtle head tilt said that she expected me to agree.

Did I understand? No. But this was important to her! For some reason. She was the visiting alien here, and we needed to be considerate of her wants and needs so which was better: to be caught in the lie or tell her what she didn't want to hear?

My imagination ever-so-kindly conjured forth an image of being flung against the wall for slighting her either way.

"Well...," her eyes narrowed menacingly, "I'm sorry but not really. I'm not going to bother you about it but I don't really get it."

For a long moment she didn't move but eventually her head lifted and the lines of her body eased. "I... Alright, well..." Her mane swayed gently as she looked around for something. After the third or four pass around the room her eyes again landed on me. "Your clothes." I blinked. Now what? "I have never... seen you without them. Other than the two from the film... last night, none of the humans I have seen were without clothing. I assume it is a cultural thing: all humans wear clothing... because it is expected. It is the same with ponies and... and, um, you know."

She took a step sideways away from the door while grimacing unhappily in its direction. "It is something that is, um, done, yes, but it is not talked... about or seen. Th-that kind of thing is kept very private."

So ponies had a very strong aversion to defecation. Good to know, I guess. Still, 'you're a naughty foal and that is concentrated evil coming out of the back of you' flashed through my head and threatened me with death by laughter. That Etherea was still blushing horribly and faintly shaking helped me reign in my more irreverent thoughts. Ingrained cultural mores were something to be very carefully handled.

Though it did make me wonder how ponies handled waste treatment. Either some ponies had to be less sensitive to that kind of thing or... Looking at Etherea, I was absolutely sure she was on the more sensitive end.

"Would you be willing to forgo... your clothing simply because I asked you to? Even if... if everypony else was without?"

Settle down Alex. You know how she said it but it wasn't meant that way; she's not actually considering the question.

Which was good because there was no way I was walking around anywhere near Etherea with everything on display! She was short enough that it would be far too close to waving my dick in her face. I mean, sure, I wouldn't actually be doing that, but humans weren't built with natural coverings like ponies were. It would be front and center, wiggling about as I moved, drawing attention even when I wasn't...

Okay, I was proving her point to myself. But I also hadn't explained mine very well.

"I understand. I really do. This is something that's been drilled into your head," speaking of making her flinch, "and is part of who, um, a pony is. I don't understand why it is that way, but it doesn't really matter. I mean, I'm not a pony. I didn't grow up with it. That's why I wasn't going to bother you about it. I don't want to take off my clothes," I think my blush deepened, "and you don't want to see anyone...," be tactful Alex, "doing that." I waved a hand toward the doorway.

Etherea nodded slowly and I could feel the tension - and blush - fading away. A wan smile crossed her muzzle.

For a moment the only sounds in the room were my game and the people on voice chat. But Etherea didn't go anywhere. No, it kind of looked like she was contemplating something on the other side of the wall to her right. Maybe the bathroom and whether Dimble was done. She didn't say anything so I was left to struggle with what to do next.

"So... how's the cleaning been going otherwise?"

Her ears flicked back and forth as her head came back around. "Ummm... I will be honest that you... two should take better care of this place; it is clear that you... have not cleaned it... thoroughly in quite a while. There is a lot for me to do." Surely it wasn't that bad - I'd done some cleaning the other day! Except that she was royalty and probably used to a place that practically glowed with omnipresent shine. "All of the doorknobs are clean, and so is the kitchen, and I am almost... finished with the bathroom."

"Oh! Speaking of which, I almost forgot about taking a shower. Lemme' know when you're done in there."

She recoiled, scoffing dramatically and putting a hoof to her breast. "You're going to sully my freshly... cleaned bathroom by taking a shower?!"

I grinned right back at her. "Well, yeah. I don't..."

"Hey Lel! You there?"

I twitched as a familiar voice hollered out of my speakers, dragging the sounds of my guildmates back from being simple background noise. On the screen, naturally enough, I was dead so someone had gotten a free kill from my character. I looked over my computer at the now very curious alicorn across the room, slipping my headset mic back on.

"Just a second, gotta' tell my friends I'll be busy for a minute." A click later and my character was resurrected at the local spawn point. "Yeah guys, I'm here. Sorry about that, I..."

"What are you doing?" The question wrenched my attention back to Etherea just as her head edged around my desk.

"Oh, um, I've been playing a game. I couldn't find anything concrete about what anyone would do about you," while finding things I wasn't entirely comfortable with, "got tired of all the... um, useless stuff," good save! "I kept finding, and took a break."

"Oh, wow! It is like an animated film, but... Look at all of the detail!" Her ears snapped to attention as wide, bright eyes glued themselves to the screen. I chuckled at the sheer amazement on her face.

"Yeah, a lot of effort was put into..."

"What is that?" She jabbed a hoof at the distant characters running around fighting each other, though she was careful to keep well away from the screen.

"Um. Other players. The ones with green labels are friends, and the red labels are enemies. This is me in the middle of the screen. All this around me," I circled a finger around the screen to indicate all the icons, ability buttons, and status indicators, "are the things telling me how my character is doing and what she can do."

"Wait. 'She'?"

I rolled my eyes as Etherea finally deigned to look at me, though her fascinated expression only got worse. And somehow she still managed to cock one eyebrow even higher.

"Yeah. It's a holdover from a previous game. Most of my characters were male, but at one point I made a random female one. I named her 'Lelitu,' or 'Lel' for short. I eventually grew to love her class and made her my main. When I switched games I kept the character and name so that my friends could find me."

And now some... pony looked completely lost. 'Class?' 'Main?' I could see why. She had no experience with 'gamer speak.'

"Oh! What is that?!" Of course she would be distracted by something else just as I got around to explaining one thing.

"Ok, who is that?"

My breath hitched and my skin went cold at the familiar voice spilling from my speakers.

"Yo, Lel, is that you?" Oh great, Nispee... "I keep hearing some girl on Mumble," that was my guild's voice chat program, "and she sounds fucking hot."

And he had heard Etherea! Just fucking perfect! Boisterous and confident like Craig, yet Nispee also tended to be pushy, callous, and rather too self-centered. A weightlifter who loved to let everyone know how great that made him, and an 'internet tough guy' who got far too much pleasure from tormenting other people. And of course he had the gaming skills to back himself up, which only made him worse.

He was the guy I worried about when it came to new guild members. Especially the female ones. If Craig bothered Etherea, then she was going to loathe Nispee.

And if Nispee had heard Etherea, then I'd accidentally been holding down my mic button and everyone else probably had as well! I tried to incinerate the hand on my mouse with a glare.

"Alex, is something wrong?" Etherea was looking directly at me, trying to meet my eyes.

Yes, of course there was! Someone who wasn't me or Craig had heard you! You! A pony! They had...

Heard her. Like my neighbors had last night. Nothing else. There was no way they could know she was a pony just by sound. Well, her voice's undertone was a little strange... Nah, it wasn't like that alone would tell them she was a pony. It might not even carry through the speakers.

The fear I'd been ramping up was surprisingly easy to shove aside. The big secret was still safe. Which left only my unwillingness to share my private life with people like Nispee. And given that my guild had never heard a female from my mic, the assumption would definitely be that she was it.

I made very sure that I wasn't queuing up my microphone, taking my hand completely off the mouse. "Mmmmm, maybe. But probably not?" Etherea blinked and tilted her head. "Those voices are the other people..."

"Lel."

"...I play with. They..."

"Hey Lel."

"...heard you talking, so now..."

"Yo brosef, answer me you noodly-armed motherfucker."

"...one is curious."

Etherea drew back, her stare switching between me and the screen. "So these... are some of your friends?"

"Some of them." And some really were. I might not have connected the same was as with my real life friends, but I'd be willing to hang out with quite a few of them. "We talk back and forth while playing."

"I had thought... you were just listening to something." She considered the screen for a moment. Then her ears rose and her eyes met mine. "Would I be able to say hello to them?"

What?! Wait... How about no? That would be a horrible idea! These were...

Well, like I'd told myself earlier, they were simply people on the other end of a speaker. I really didn't like the implications of letting everyone know I had a girl over, not with people like Nispee around. But at the same time Etherea was looking at me with expectant eyes, perked ears, and a barely-held smile.

Would it be so bad? It's not like I knew any of these people in real life, so internet anonymity would still provide me my privacy. Plus, most of my guildmates were pretty cool. That would be alright, right? Yet I couldn't shake an undercurrent of nervousness.

But how fun would it be to introduce her to some other real humans? This was a pretty controlled environment too! Hell, until she could speak English on her own - God, I hoped she wouldn't be here that long - she'd need me around to translate, so she'd be supervised.

"I... guess? Why?" Redundant question is redundant. She's clearly curious and excited because of it!

"These are other humans! And they are your friends! I trust that any friend of yours would not... be an, um, unpleasant personality." The vote of confidence was really nice. "And since they are not here, and you do... not seem worried, then they cannot... see us, can they?"

Well, they could if I turned my webcam on. But, hell no. "You're right, they can't."

"So it would be safe for... me to talk with them like this. And I might... even be able to make some more friends." Her smile finally blossomed. It faltered a little when I did nothing more than stare and blink. I still wasn't completely sold that this was a good...

"Please?"

She was right though. This was a pretty safe way of letting her get some outside interaction. Again, my reluctance was less about her being a pony and more about her being, well, a girl. Silly? Probably. But I'm shy and that's the story I'm sticking to.

Plus, it was her birthday. "Alright, I suppose. Since it is your birthday." She made a happy little noise and did a tiny dance in place before smoothing her expression again. I let my thoughts organize themselves for a moment. "Just remember that we don't want them knowing you're a pony. No Equestrian or anything, okay?"

She rolled her eyes but nodded. "I am well aware of that." Yeah, yeah, but I wanted to be absolutely clear on that point. An ounce of prevention they say...

I finally pulled my headset mic from around the back of my neck. I was really going to do this! She edged her muzzle to one side, eying the device as I held it up to her. "Just talk near the end of this like you would normally. I have to activate it so I'll tell you when. Are you ready?" A nod.

I held down my middle mouse button and pointed at her.

"Hello Alex' friends!"

The first words from ponykind to larger mankind! Exciting! Action-packed! Anticlimactic... Seriously, that was it? Well, Etherea had withdrawn her head and was blushing furiously so I let off the mic. Talk about an adorable pony. And she fluffed her wings too!

"Hi."

"Hello."

"'Sup, gir..."

"You do have a chick over! And damn does she sound smokin'!" I groaned dejectedly. I should have known Nispee would be all over this. Or at least the most vocal. "You're like the wimpiest dude too, how the fuck did you ever get a girl that sounds like that? Hey girl, you listenin'? I bet Lel can't even bench you..."

Oh, fuck that.

"Hey Etherea, say 'Nispee, shut the hell up.'"

"What? Why?"

"Please?" A more hesitant nod from her this time.

"If you want to say 'hello' to a real man I got two guns bigger'n your head and another that'll..."

"Nispee, shut... the hell up!"

Ooooohhh! I couldn't have cued her at a more perfect moment. The pause might have weakened it a bit, but her emphasis was perfect! She was good at this! And now the only thing coming through my speakers was roaring with laughter of a small crowd. I couldn't help it, I lost it and joined them - with my mic off, of course.

Though... Etherea had a look halfway between a full smile and a nervous frown, and it was doing unfortunate things to her face. Of course she didn't understand. She couldn't know what Nispee had been saying.

"I can tell who's got the balls over at your place, Lel. You have to suck her cock to get her to stick up for...?"

"Jesus, Nispee, stop." The new voice was calm and barely louder than regular speaking, but it cut through all the noise like a diamond saw. "Do you even listen to yourself?"

"Ye..."

"No, you're not. This is exactly the kind of thing I don't want anyone in the guild doing. I don't care how you act outside of WoW," that's short for 'World of Warcraft,' "but this kind of thing is not funny, and it's not cool. Lel's your guildmate, so show him some damned respect. That goes double for his guest, who you do not know. Now we're doing something here, pay attention."

'Roamer.' Our beloved Guild leader. One of the better players I'd ever run in to, and certainly among the most charismatic. It wasn't in-your-face the way a military commander might be. He was quiet but personable, as well as slow to anger, intelligent, and capable. And we all knew it. When he spoke pretty much everyone listened.

The lynchpin to our entire guild.

Seriously, our most disorganized were, by far, the few times he'd gone on vacation or lost internet. I think that if he left then the guild would evaporate.

And Nispee had gotten told by him. I took far too much pleasure from that.

At the same time Etherea was still watching me, her brow furrowed and a tightness about her eyes. She seemed patient and all, but I had to give her an explanation soon. Very soon.

"The guy who'd been speaking a lot," I waved a hand at a speaker, "is a little like Craig, but a lot worse. I mean that he can be pretty mean sometimes, and he likes it that way." That set Etherea's jaw and got her ears to retract. "His name's 'Nispee' and he was saying some, well, very wrong things. Teasing me, extremely inappropriate things about you, and not at all nice about any of it. Very vulgar too."

I sat back as my companion mulled that one over, my hands shaking faintly from the combined sources of excitement.

"Sooo... You two do not like each other?"

Not the response I'd expected. "Well, um, it's not quite like that. We get along decently most of the time but I don't like how he acts. And he was being, um, particularly... let's go with annoying."

Etherea's eyes fixed on the screen again, her expression growing more grim with every word I said. Yeah, I didn't want that either. The last time she'd gotten angry like that she'd teleported here.

"Nispee," To hear Etherea say his screen name just as I remembered exactly what it was... I had to swallow a chuckle. "He sounds like he needs a... stern lesson in Harmony."

I almost laughed again. "Oh, yes please!" It would never work though. I could only imagine his reaction to a My Little Pony trying to 'reform' him. Etherea, as a real pony though, might have more luck. She still worried me plenty so it might work. But that was something to consider later.

Okay, I needed to get her away from the bad portions of the past few moments and leaned forward to get her attention back. "Anyways. I know you couldn't understand him but you telling him to shut up? Beautiful!" She blinked and a tentative smile appeared. Good! "You caught him perfectly and right in the middle of it!"

Her chuckle was just as tentative. "That is what every... one was laughing about?"

"Yup. The other guy - the one who just cut Nispee off - is Roamer, our... Well, the leader of our group. He's one of the nicest guys you could meet." Actually, there was an idea. "You want to talk to him?"

Her hesitation told me more than anything she could have said. "P-perhaps you can... send Roamer my thanks for... being civil. But I think it would... be best to wait. I am not sure I am... yet ready for this."

The slowly building excitement left me in an instant. There was Etherea, still standing next to me much as she had been, but her ears were no longer at such strict attention and her face was turned a bit away. The slight downward tilt and a flick of her eyes away from me completed the look. It wasn't quite fear. Heavily guarded. Here I'd been more and more excited about having a safe way to show off to her while she still had some heavy reservations about... Something.

What had happened? It was a hell of a switch - the two of us reversing our positions like that. And why?!

"What...? What is wrong?"

"I..." The way she twisted her head away was a kick to my gut. "I was so excited. But I do not..." When she came back around her brow was deeply furrowed and she carefully picked each word. "I guess I expected... that your friends would be more like mine. But one... of your acquaintances is much more... um, callous than I expected, and the rest of... of you took a... great deal of amusement in the reprisal against him. The circumstances may have been... somewhat comedic but I am not... It is not what I expected..." It was a complete statement but she still trailed off like there was more.

Well, that had been overly 'diplomatic.' "Is everything alright?" It didn't seem to be.

Her mouth opened but she held her breath for a moment. A resigned sigh followed. "Please do not take too much offense... to this, Alex, but I do not appreciate being... used to strike back at Nispee." Oh, shit...

"Most of them aren't like that. It was mostly harmless teasing actually," Downplaying it for her benefit. That 'mostly' weakened my argument and I cursed internally.

"I understand. Your culture views... these things differently which is why I... um, cannot be that upset. I just do not wish to be subject... or party to it until I am ready."

Well that sucked. Way to go, Alex! It was so bizarre that anyone could have such a problem with...

But no, it was like she'd said: it was a cultural thing. I guess. Even for humans Nispee had been a bit of a dick there. At least Etherea was trying to be nice about it. Relatively. I should be too, and respect her feelings here.

"W-well... Alright." I took a short breath. "I'm s..." No. "Should we just move on then?"

The tight line of her lips eased as I backed off two things at once that could upset her. It still took a moment for her to nod. "Sounds good. What did you have in mind?"

I... had no idea, really. No, really. I hadn't expected her to stay there and ask me what we were going to do next. If I'd been in her place I'd want to get away from, well, me for a bit to let us both calm down, let off steam, etc.

"Um... You're not going to...?" Hold up. Let's make sure to say this right. "What I mean is, even after the past few minutes you still want to hang around?" Ehhhh... A serviceable question.

It took her aback though and she just looked at me for a stretch. "Well... yes." Her eyes flicked away before meeting mine resolutely. "I may be a little disappointed... but like I said, Alex, this is... not something I can hold against you. And the, um, bathroom can wait. Right now I would like... to show that I hold no hard feelings." With that she set her rump on the floor and curled her tail neatly around her haunches.

"Actually, I have an idea if you would be amenable." I inclined my head to get her to go on. "Perhaps now would be a good time to answer... some of the questions I had. I have not had... a good chance to ask you what humans are like."

Thinking on the recent close calls I mentally stepped back to examine the minefield she'd just placed in front of me. Humanity. Such a mixed bag. There were so many ways that this could go wrong. Worse was that I wasn't sure anymore which seemingly innocuous answers were secretly hiding something to upset her, ending in more problems than they might solve. I had to resist groaning as I realized I couldn't know until we stumbled into one.

At least her still being here was a good sign. I'd just need to be extra delicate. If I could.

Oh, and there was a quick message to send to Roamer. "Yeah, okay. Just let me do one thing, quick."

Thanks Roamer. He was getting to me a bit. She thanks you too. I gotta' go though. Hopefully leaving her name out wouldn't be too obvious an edit.

I had just enough time before logging out to catch his message back.

No problem. There have been complaints about some people mouthing off outside the guild so I'm trying to crack down on that kind of thing. Nispee was going too far anyway. You two have a good one.

He hadn't even taken a crack at me having Etherea here. Friendly, supportive, and just plain considerate - the reasons I'd always liked him.

Alright, so this would either be the greatest feat of extraterrestrial relationship building or would forever damn our two worlds. That might have been a bit sensationalist, but this was heavy stuff here! There were so many ways that this could go wrong. Especially if this got out of my hands - not like my situation wasn't already - and Etherea found out something else she wasn't ready for.

Though, come to think of it, I could have help. And it would probably be more diplomatic than anything I'd come up with off the top of my head.

"What are humans like? That's really broad. Though, with a little help, I should be able to answer that, and probably every other one you can think of." Oh, how her eyebrow was rising at that. "Let me introduce...," my fingers tapping away were as good as any drumroll, "...Wikipedia."

Yeah.

"A public repository for everything humans know."

I tried to play in nonchalantly, but inside my stomach was doing flips as it tried to buck my heart into a new position. Etherea's unblinking concentration on the screen was even more unnerving because of the lack of expression elsewhere in her body.

"Every... thing?"

"Pretty much."

Her head came around so slowly I'm sure it creaked. And she still hadn't blinked. Should I say something? As I sorted through my potential options I decided that I probably should. I mean, she seemed to be broken!

"You're not going to tell, um, Lady Naois about this, are you?" Any pride I had at pulling out Twilight Sparkle's real name was lost under shame and anger for that gem of a follow-up. She'd already gotten upset over similar 'casual' treatment of Celestia and Cadance, so a half-joke like that would probably just insult her.

Then came a dainty snort as Etherea's eyes eked out a bit more width. "Oh, no, nonononono, no! Can you imagine her reaction... at finding something containing all of the knowledge of an entire new civilization?" Okay, maybe not all... "We would probably... find her a week later, hooves-up on the floor."

That was... different. The pony who had objected to the 'Nispee incident' was fine with picking on Twilight behind her back? I guess that... No, now I'm just confused. But most likely it wouldn't be worth it to pursue the issue. A different question surfaced as I suppressed my first impulse.

"Really? She's actually like that?" Her laugh as she nodded emphatically was full and happy; a perfect salve for my frayed nerves. If that stereotype about Twilight's thirst for knowledge was true then we'd have to be very careful around her.

"Sooooo... You can use this... What did you call it?"

"Wikipedia."

"Wicky... Peedy... Ah...?" I'd never seen anyone chew on a word so thoroughly.

"Uh huh."

Cue 'human.' And one blown pony mind.

I did my best to gloss over some things while seemingly sparing nothing. After all, the problem with Wikipedia was that it also had everything that was bad about humanity, and she was definitely not ready for it. If the 'Nispee Incident' was distressing then any details from humanity's war torn past would be a quick way to ruin her birthday. I wasn't exactly lying to her, but it still felt kind of like I was.

Wikipedia ran us through the basics of anatomy, behavior, development, evolution, and a few more. A constant stream of questions spilled out of Etherea like she was making room for all this new information.

I couldn't exactly avoid the fact that humans fought each other but I kept it low key. 'This country fought that country over this,' or 'these people rose up against those,' and similar. She barely even batted an eye, moving past my nearly empty explanations in search of the next answer. I guess Equestria wasn't all fun and games like I'd...

It definitely wasn't. But that wasn't a reason to detail things she wasn't asking about.

In the midst of our impromptu marathon my room's arrangement again proved its worth. The side of a be-hatted head inched past the doorframe in what was probably supposed to be a sneaky manner. Craig would have to try a lot harder; I had excellent peripheral vision.

He gave up and just stepped into view on seeing me already watching, moving to lean casually against the far side of the doorway. "Well aren't you two having fun." I just rolled my eyes. Subtle, Craig. "Just letting you know that I'm out."

The clock on my computer may have been right there but my eyes went to the window anyway. Etherea and I had been at this a lot longer than I'd thought - the sun was almost low enough to shine directly through the blinds!

"A-Alright. Will see you later then."

"Well, have fun at your... party... Right?" Etherea's chipper question was surprising. Didn't she remember him laughing at her earlier? Though if she didn't, or just wanted to ignore it, then I was more than happy to play along.

"Yup. Got Maxslam, Better Days, and The Shrees playing tonight so it oughta' kick ass. Yours truly's gonna' be up there callin' the shots and gettin' the crowd pumped. If I'm not hammered in an hour I'll be doing it wrong." That easy smile was going strong already.

Ah Craig, same as always. Which reminded me...

I turned to Etherea. "Excuse me, need to talk to Craig for a moment." She blinked as I stood and I feared she'd question this. Then she nodded and shifted to the side so I could slip away. The weight of two pairs of eyes followed me as I made it to the door and motioned Craig to go ahead of me. I felt like Sir Buzz Killington, and hated it, but this was just that damned important!

As we made our way down the hall and through the living area I considered how to best broach the topic. Subtlety would just be lost on him, which left a direct statement. God, I hope I wouldn't just sound like an ass.

Well, maybe I did a little. Craig hadn't been the easiest to put up with lately and this was just that damned important.

I fixed him with a level look - when he finally looked up from tying his shoes. "I know what you said, but I want to make absolutely damned sure of this; no bringing anyone home tonight."

"Oh, hell no." Craig's eyes drifted toward the wall separating us from the hall and my room. "That'd be fucking stupid. I'll be out with Mitch," one of the morning DJs, "and hopefully going home with someone else. Like maybe that blonde girl from the last week with those tight-ass pants that pushed her ass right in your face... Unf!"

He wasn't going to argue the point? Oh hell yes! Maybe I'd given him too little credit. "I'm sure I'll hear all about it later."

His grin returned and his eyes practically danced. "Sure. I can tell you all about it. Every single. Juicy. Detail."

Actually, now that I'd had a second to think about...

"There's so much I can teach you young paddletron." What? "You just hang here tonight and don't do anything I wouldn't do while..." He twitched and tensed up, his face going blank for a moment. But his smile wasn't dead for long. "'Do.' Hehe." He leaned forward to whisper hoarsely. "She's walking around commando but just try to keep it in your pants, man."

I was determined to not let him... my mouth was already moving! "So you have been checking her out."

His dismissive shrug was almost instantaneous. "Nah. She's good, but I'm gonna' see something if she's waving it in my face all the time." He raised an eyebrow and looked away thoughtfully.

"Sure, sure." Sometimes everything just sort of 'clicks,' and right now I was feeling pretty good. I still made sure to keep my volume down. "And you were worried about me getting too cozy with her. Maybe I should keep a closer eye on you."

"No thanks, mom." His smile faded so he could eye me critically. "Y'know, she's been spending an awful lot of time around you. Makes me wonder what happened after I left last night. Any red-blooded man woulda' had her eating from his hand after a movie like that."

I just had to smile. This was getting fun! Though that was usually a bad sign for me. "Really? You'd make a move on her?"

"Her? No. Dude, that's too weird even for me. She's pretty much a horse. But..."

A horse? Never mind, I wasn't letting him turn this one back around again. "Then I'm safe. Can't do anything you wouldn't, right?"

For a little bit there was nothing but silence in the apartment while Craig stared at me. "Huh." His hand rose to scratch the back of his head under the edge of his hat. My smile felt big enough to split my face. "Ah, damnit." His eyes came back focused as ever as a finger was held accusingly under my nose. "I'll think of something, man."

I just grinned back. I had nothing left though, so my silence was simple self-preservation.

"You're like a lot less freaked out. You feelin' better?"

Well, it's not like I wasn't still worried, but... "Etherea's happier. Doesn't seem like the world's about to end." That was a big plus. "And I didn't have to work today. Yeah, maybe a bit."

"Cool. Alright, don't stay up tooooooo late." He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "I'm out." The door swung closed behind him, cutting off his over-the-shoulder wave.

Again I was left alone with a pony - a pony! - and nothing much to do. Well, that wasn't strictly true. It was her birthday and the plan was to celebrate it. Which reminded me that I still didn't have anything prepared.

The sound of hollow glass being soundly tapped bounced around the apartment and I jumped, whirling around midair. A dark shape at the window was some sort of person. Oh shit, where was Etherea?! Was she...?

Craig's laughing face registered from between the blinds.

Well, fuck! Yeah, yeah Craig, you got me. I put up a very particular finger but he only laughed harder before finally ambling away.

Etherea was still sitting neatly on her haunches when I returned, though she'd moved over to the nightstand. She was already looking toward the door but her horn was glowing and I caught barest sliver of her device setting itself down. Her expression was unreadable but her muzzle was raised. Trying to puzzle it out made me forget what I'd been about to say.

A smile formed tentatively on her muzzle before becoming much more sincere. Strange... "So, um, what now?" She raised a forehoof to lightly tap her lips while spending a moment pondering. At least her smile continued to grow. "Perhaps it is time for presents?"

"Uhhhh, actually, I'm still not quite ready for this. Actually, I need to go out and get some stuff." Totally not a dodge to give myself more time to think.

"Ah. I take it... you will be on your way as well then."

I nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. I hate to just skip out like this, but I'll be back soon." Hopefully. What the hell was I going to do for presents?! "You said you wanted cucumber and mayonnaise sandwiches with what now?"

"Oh," her pleased smile went well with that flick of her mane, "a mild cheese, a few Chrysanthemum petals, and just a little pepper."

Oh wait, I had a list. Though on second thought I didn't want to risk losing a piece of paper covered in Equestrian scribbles. The chance of someone finding it and getting suspicious might be astronomically low, but it still wasn't zero. Memorizing four items wouldn't be that hard.

"Got it. You need help with anything before I go?" I pointed a thumb backward over my shoulder. "I could set up the TV if you wanted to watch anything." Mentally I cringed; giving her free reign to cable entertainment without anyone to supervise could end very, very badly. Even if she couldn't understand anyone, one news show might break her. Again.

"No, that is alright. I never did finish cleaning the bathroom... after all." Wasn't she a studious one?

"Well, don't go anywhere your highness. I'll be right back." I knew I'd guessed right when she smiled at that.

Author's Notes:

Finally! Part 2 will be up shortly. And now for other things that people have been waiting for: deleted scenes! This chapter is my most thoroughly edited so there's a bunch just for this one.

When Etherea first wakes Alex up - unnecessary - (BONUS! Some of Etherea's speech is untranslated!)

As much as I'd hoped to wake up on Saturday slowly and with many lazy dips back into semi-consciousness, I hadn't really expected it. There were just too many interruptions either possible or probable. The curious, "morning-pony" princess bunked in my room was probably the most likely, but Craig being Craig, Etherea's friends/relatives/guards possibly showing up at any moment, my boss checking in just to be neurotic, every twinge, tingle, or twitch worrying me, or any of a dozen potential interruptions left me sleeping with one eye open.

Dimble yowling from mortal peril had never once crossed my mind.

I shot upright, all sleep instantly banished. Graceful like a ninja - a whimpy, skinny one - I rolled over, sending all my assorted blankets flailing wildly through the air and landing on my feet in a half crouch. I stayed poised to move in any direction, every nerve humming in anticipation. Or maybe that was just the lack of a proper wake-up sequence.

It took a moment to analyze the strident sounds emanating from deeper in the apartment. And also to realize that I had no idea what to do yet. Was my dying cat getting closer? I was able to sort out the barest rise in volume just in time to witness a flailing greyish blob float past the edge of the hall entry - goddamn my contacts for still being in the bathroom! - a shifting golden glow surrounding it. What the hell was that thing?

It was making all the noise! That was my cat floating along in... Well, shit!

I couldn't help but stare, my butt coming to a rest against the couch and my jaw hanging limply as Dimble came to a rest just inside the living area and about three feet in the air. Oh, he was fucking pissed!

Then Etherea stepped carefully in to view. Without my contacts there was no telling what her expression was but the golden-yellow quadruped and glowing horn were unmistakable. Her forehooves came to rest on the carpet and she paused, my violently protesting cat floating languidly well out of reach of her face.

Etherea's head quickly dipped and her mane slid forward to cover one side of her face. "(I-I'm sorry to wake you) Alex (but he would not stop scratching at the door.)" One of her hooves ground at the floor once before twitching and being pressed firmly back down.

I blinked and began quickly passing a thoroughly confused look back and forth between the two. "What?"

The shape that was Etherea's head dropped a fraction further. Dimble came coasting toward the floor, his struggles increasing exponentially as freedom came closer to his reach. When his halo finally winked out he shot off across the living area and disappeared somewhere near the kitchen. At least the apartment was quiet again.

Again I tried. "What?" I knew it was futile as soon as I said it, but my brain was still in startup mode and I didn't know how else to get answers.

Etherea's head, which had followed Dimble as he escaped, came back around to face me. "(I know you can't understand me right now)," She shook her head slowly, her tone changing from slightly amused to soft and... sad? Pleading? Again I mentally cursed my lack of contacts to see her expression right then, "(but) Alex (if you could just feed) Dimble (so that he will stop bothering me. You can go back to sleep after if you like. I will remain in your room for the time being.)"

After a momentary glance toward the kitchen I cocked my head at Etherea and slowly stood up. "Okay, we're really going to have to come up with a better way to do this. I have no idea what you just said." Yeah, pointing that out was really smart of me.

She took a step forward and made a couple of shallow pushing motions toward me with one forehoof before shifting it sideways a hair. She was now pointing beside me. Past me? At the couch? "(Just go back to sleep afterward) Alex, (you do not have to get up if you don't want to)." And with that she gracefully completed her turn, nodded to me, and then headed silently back toward my room.

For a while I just stood there. There was no explaining what had just happened. Well, there was, but I was totally missing it. I know Dimble could be a nuisance when he was hungry...
Right.

A happy meow greeted me as I joined my cat in the kitchen. The dishes remained undone - of course they did - and I grimaced when I realized that Dimble would just have to make do with a dirty food dish. Not that it bothered him in the slightest, I just didn't like the idea of eating off obviously used dishes and carried that over to treating him with the same courtesy.

Dimble's increasingly insistent pleading cut off the moment the food hit the floor. I enjoyed the return of silence far too much. But again the absence of anything to do at the moment left me with the question of what to do next. I really should check on Etherea shouldn't I? At some point I would have to get up and I guess now was as good a time as any. And with Etherea awake I should probably do something that involves her. I was her host and she was an alien and a princess after all. Polite is as polite does.

My bare feet padded softly along as I crossed the living area, eased past Craig's door, and down toward my own. A quick stopover in the bathroom allowed me to see. However, I hesitated as I reached my door. Was I ready for whatever the day had for me with regard to Etherea? Everything from yesterday - from the horrible start and nearly horrible ending to the still-raging internal debate over pony versus horse - ran through my head over a handful of second. I didn't feel ready. But that didn't mean I could just stand here doing nothing all day even if that felt safer.

I took a breath, held it, and let it out slowly. I didn't fear Etherea - at least not much anymore - just the things that might befall me because of her. Better to face them head-on, right?

Three soft raps on my door let the pony on the other side know I was there.

For a moment nothing happened and I could feel the tenseness in my gut building. I wasn't entirely sure why, this was just a casual chat with a pony princess after all. Casual? I smirked and tilted my head back to look at the top of the doorframe. It was so weird to be able to think something like that and for it to be almost normal.

When the door swung away from me I made sure to smile a little. I was going to continue building on the good mood of last night if it killed me. But Etherea shaking her head slowly, her muzzle pointed downward, and chuckling was not the reaction I expected and my grin faltered.

"(I should have expected as much). Alex, (please understand this gesture)," her voice was level and held a clearly patient tone, "(I want you to go back to sleep or whatever it is that you would do normally)."

Her hoof extended straight at me! A quick step backward caused me to narrowly avoid what would probably have been a gentle push. I snapped my head up to meet her eyes, a thoroughly confused and slightly flustered look probably matching the emotions within me. This was... I didn't know!

Her smirk was clear as she shook her head again but in the universal sign of 'no.' "(I mean it) Alex, (don't let me interrupt your normal morning. Now shoo)." She flicked her raised hoof at me several times like she was brushing something toward me. Or... Well, if a human did that it would be a sign of dismissal. I couldn't help but look to my right and toward the living area.

"Kayel!" At the corners of my eyes I caught Etherea's vigorous nod.

"You want me to leave?" I pointed to myself and then back down the hall.

Again a nod from her. "Kayel."

So 'kayel' meant 'yes?' I guess so.

Then she tilted her head and put the same hoof under her cheek, closed her eyes, and made a gentle snoring sound. Those beautiful violet eyes met mine when she opened them and the same flicking motion of her hoof followed soon after.

She wanted me to go back to sleep? Well, more sleep did sound good. It was some ungodly early time of the morning despite the lightness outside, and nobody should have to get up before ten! "Well... Alright."

I turned but kept my attention on her.

"Kayel." She nodded again and switched hooves, placing the now free one behind the door like she was going to shut it.

"Well... thank you I guess." I dipped my head toward her. "I'm not sure what for. I can't understand you, you can't understand me, and I'm not sure I can even get back to sleep."

I felt so damned silly! Captain Obvious himself would probably have quit his job at the amount of stupidity in my statement. But I still took that first tentative step away from my own room - far be it from me to get into an argument over this.

Etherea smiled brightly before slowly shutting the door. She paused, one eye peeking through the crack between door and jam for a moment, and I heard a soft chuckle. Then with a final click I was alone in the hall. Well at least the morning-pony was chipper today. I guess last night's salt escapade hadn't left any lasting effects.

It seemed so stupid to remove my contacts so soon after putting them in, but no matter how little I expected to be sleeping there was no way I was going to do anything else. At least the couch was still as cozy as ever. Dimble saw fit to join me in his own way by sitting on the back of the couch near my feet. It was a nice to have him nearby again while I was resting.

But even if the adrenaline from earlier had faded sleep was still frustratingly elusive. My brain was used to keeping going after it got started, and now it had plenty of fuel. I did my best to chase away thoughts of Etherea and what I was going to do about her. Chasing her wasn't an option, but apparently my mind liked to dream.

No. I was trying to sleep now.

Etherea talking about what she'd like to have for dinner - things that exist in both worlds (like flowers) will translate just fine, making this passage confusing and redundant -

But she chose to rescue me in the end. After giggling under her breath. "It is alright Alex. I am not too worried about you coming up with the finest of Prench, Bitalian, or Kodractikti cuisine. I am actually very fond of cucumbers and, um, mayonaise sandwiches on good, old white bread with some Nessuorllien. It's a mild cheese, though I don't know how I can describe it to you without trying some of your cheeses. I also like to add a few Ren petals and a small dash of pepper."

I guess I looked lost to her - and I was - because she'd opened her mouth and then stopped, tilting her head a hair before continuing. "Um, a Ren is commonly a yellow flower - though many other colors can be grown - which has many, many little petals that fold outward," she tried to demonstrate by bringing the bottoms of her hooves together and then folding them apart and outward at her hocks "until, um, they form sort of a ball shape. They grow on bushes that are also sort of ball shaped and the, um, leaves are sort of a..." She tried sketching out formless shapes in the air with a hoof, her brow creasing as it became clear just how ineffective that was.

I certainly had no idea what the leaves might look like given the twirls she'd put her hoof through.

"Well, hmmmm... I suppose your world might not even have Renuas."

Possible; Earth didn't have dragons, manticores, Poison Joke, or even alicorns. At least not up until last Wednesday evening. What were the chances that our world shared "Renuas"? Although the possibility wasn't zero, and since my mom was big into gardening I'd seen fluffy, ball-like flowers before. Though what colors they might have been was an evasive piece of information.

But, that's what Google was for!

"One second." Etherea tensed and sat straighter when I suddenly got up. Her shift forced me to freeze as the possibility that I'd scared her by moving quickly. I admonished myself for not being more careful and opened my mouth.

Not that I was going to apologize again for something so minor. Certainly not. She didn't like that kind of thing.

She settled back to her previous, more relaxed posture and inclined her head in what looked like assent. I hoped it was assent. I hesitated a moment longer before nodding back. I'm not sure why but I nodded back. It seemed stupid and pointless but I did my best to squash any embarrassment. I was being nice, right? Sure.

Etherea's eyes didn't leave me the whole time I was retrieving my phone. She'd taken the time to levitate the dishes into the sink. Her ears came to greater attention the closer I got, her head tilted the other way as she watched me curiously.