I woke up the next morning in my guest bed at the Canterlot Castle. I was relieved to see Rarity on the other side of the bed, peacefully sleeping with a clam smile on her face; her purple mane undisturbed by her relaxed breathing.

I got out of bed as quiet as possible, not making the smallest sound. I noticed a small paper on my nightstand. I picked it up, reading the small and neat hand writing

Dear Vespi

I hope you understand why I did what I did; a mare has to relieve herself after 1000 years. I hope you know why you cannot tell any pony about what happened. If you do, no pony can save you. Not you’re Ramirez, or your friends, and definitely not your wife. Slender man came into this world for a more fulfilling purpose then dancing for 20 dollars. Love you and I will see you during the Gala. Maybe wear something for me? I was thinking something spicy but I guess we can talk about it some other time, how does tonight sound?

Love Princess Celestia ;)

P.S. Don’t think I’m letting your friends get away with knowing either.

I gulped; o yea I got molested didn’t I?  Those few moments you wake up is like taking amnesia. You have a nice relaxing feeling of tranquility. Now I just realized how serious this situation is, and how stupider I am. Not only did I cheat on Rarity (In a form) but now I have also as it seems endangered my friend’s lives. I had to find them before it was too late.

***

I ran into the dining room, or well the diner inside the castle. It was the place I had always seen my friends; they loved going there. There they were with Silver Shield, the 7 of them cheerfully dining on eggs and toast, bacon and brownies (Or well Conor was at leastly).

“Hey Vespi” Nico said “How’d it go with Princess Celestia?” Tyler stifled a laugh in the background of our conversation.

“Terrible” I muttered “I, I, I got molested guys” I said, Dan spat out his OJ, most of it landing on Mike’s mane.

“You did?” Mike asked stunned, ignoring the OJ in his mane “What did you do to piss her off?”

“I followed Nico’s advice” I said, there was a solemn silence in the air for a split second. Then out of nowhere every pony cracked up.

“Why would you follow Nico’s advice?” Dan asked

“But you guys said…” I said, I then realized it was a joke. They assumed I was full of crap and was lying, so they gave me stupid advice.

“It was a joke!” Nico said “Seriously man, why would you do that?”

“Well screw you guys but we have a bigger problem” I said, I prepared to drop the bomb “She is going to get you guys, I don’t know what she will do but it will be bad.”

There was an actual silence for once

“Nice” Tyler joked

“Not nice” Mike said “I got a mare, Nico has a wife, I don’t know if Ayan is even a fucking pony, I don’t really care about Silver Shield, Vespi has a wife for now and-“

“For now?” I asked

“Did you tell her about getting molested?” Mike asked

“Of course not; she’d understand either way” I said

“Sure” Mike said

“Whatever, I got a plan though” I began “Anyone know anything about surviving against monsters?”

Every pony but Silver Shield raised his hand

“Good; we are getting guns, armor, a camping spot, and Issac Clarke and we are going to survive through this night.”

“Wait whose Issac Clarke?” Silver Shield asked

“The most bad ass loner ever” Mike said

“Exactly” Mike said “But what do you mean as armor? Like juggernaut suits?”

“Even better” I said

***

“Hello and welcome to the Clarke Store how may I help you?” The voice sounded like Issac himself; I was relieved to know he had a store that dropped parcels into 99.7% of the universe.

“Hello am I speaking to Mr. Clarke himself?” I asked

“Yes, what can I get for you?” He returned

“What do you have in the form of pony armor?” I asked

“We have a wide selection of armor ranging from engineering suits to advanced elite suits. What would you like?” He asked cordially

“Is there any weight/unit limit?” I asked

“No weight limit or unit limit” He returned

“Okay we will have

1 Engineering Suit

1 Security Suit

1 Riot Security Suit

1 Zealot Security Suit

1 Vintage Suit

1 Hacker Suit

1 Artic Security Suit

And also a 1 liter bottle of Pepsi”

There was a long silence

“Okay I believe I got everything; these 7 suits will cost you exactly 100000 bits.”

I removed the phone from my head for a split second every pony nodded

“Okay sounds good; what do you have for guns?” I asked

“We have your basic armament of military weapons that are obtainable to civilians” Clarke said

“Okay just 8 plasma cutters, 5 pulse rifles, a detonator, and 2 seeker rifles” I said

“Okay sounds good to me; 8 suits, 8 plasma cutters, 5 plasma rifles, a detonator and 2 scout rifles. Hope you don’t mind me asking but what are you going to do with all this stuff?” He inquired

“There is a crazy princess trying to molest us!” Ayan screamed from the background

“………Vespi is that you?” He asked; I cringed, I was afraid he was still angry at me for getting him killed.

“Yea” I said

“Why didn’t you just say so? I’ll bring you your stuff and come there to back you up.” He said; I was relieved. Not only did we have guns, armor, and 7 rape shields, we also now have Issac Clarke!

“Okay guys” I said putting down the phone “Here is the game plan. We are going to go into the forest at around 11. We are going to find a choke point and camp there with Mike. Silver Shield you have the detonator and Mike, you and Dan got the seeker rifles, since hopefully they have the best shots. Everyone else has pulse rifles; any questions?”

Mike raised his hand

“Why the hell don’t we just bribe the princess?” Mike asked

“Because this is a hell of a lot cooler way of doing things” I said “I’ll meet you in the courtyard at 11 guys”

***

I was relieved to see all of my friends there; I was even relieved to see the quit and pensive Silver Shield there. Everyone managed to have an alibi (Including me) to be out here at this time.

“Perfect, follow me guys” I said; during the day I talked with Clarke over the phone to find a location to meet up. We chose at the beginning of the forest outside, far away so no pony could see us but close enough so we wouldn’t get lost, would be a nice place.

We walked for 25 minutes before I saw Issac’s visor from afar. He was wearing one of those advanced suits and carrying his own pulse rifle.

“O my god what is he?” Silver Shield asked

“Don’t worry about it” We all said in unison

We spent another 20 minutes searching for a location. We finally agreed on a high plateau like area near a mountain. Although it was too far away to ruin it was still a safe place with a choke hold.

“Come and get it” Issac Clarke said, levitating down the heavy box. If it was Christmas today would be a good Christmas, all of the weapons and armor were there. I instantly lunged for the Riot Security suit; I was also amazed on how the suits almost put themselves on.

“Okay so what exactly do we do?” Issac asked

“I guess we…wait” I said; I grabbed my pulse rifle and just fired a couple rounds into a nearby rock for practice. Every pony did the same, for practice.

“So why do I only have this thing?” Silver Shield asked

“Make a perimeter with the mines, just put them over there” I said, pointing to the small entrance to this cave like area. It was some sort of cave for a while, but the roof and one entire side was blown clean off. It was the perfect place for a last stand.

With some help from mike Silver Shield managed to deploy 4 mines in a line by the entrance.

My thoughts were slashed open, I heard wings flapping, she was coming. I then realized how dumb I was.

“Vespi, how is this a choke hold if she can FLY?” Mike asked

“HACKER!” Issac screamed

“No she is an alicorn; she has a unicorn and can fly.” Silver Shield said

Silver Shields detonator was now useless; besides his plasma cutter he was completely defenseless.

I could see Celestia in the distance now; her features were not distinct now but I could see her silhouette in the dark midnight sky. Right before I was about to scream “Fire!” she stopped in mid-air. For a moment I let down my guard, what had caused her to stop? Then I saw her magic light up, o god.

This plateau was high up on a cliff mountain almost. She used her magic to cast a devastating bolt, it fired straight into the side of the mountain causing a massive explosion. The earth shook; we were going to hit the ground, hard.

I managed to hang on to the side of the mountain for a moment, but there was nothing to hold onto. Before long the mountain began to crumble from beneath us, the part that was directly hit was completely annihilated. That being that the mountain was falling lopsided; we were going to slip, get a hard landing then be crushed.

I couldn’t hold on anymore, gravity was taking a toll now. I lost grip for a split second before I fell, sadly these suits couldn’t allow me to fly, finally Celestia fired a 2nd bolt causing the top to explode, and thank god I was the last to fall.

Well this actually went well for me…wait. Just realized I am falling 30 feet!

Now you know kids

-Vespi

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