Deadpool Vs. Equestria

Issue #35

Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sASyAcn-DIg

And so it continues.
__________________________________________________________------===++++

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF43b38k0Mw

Deadpool and Live Light walked over to one of the buildings still standing. Light placed two chairs to a round table (then proceeded to clean the dust off with a handkerchief), sat down, and motioned for Deadpool to sit down in front of him. He did so.

"I don't really have cake, I'm sorry," Light admitted, before adding, "I lied to you. I didn't mean to do it."

{He's making a big deal out of cake.}

[Didn't Cry say the same thing when he told someone he had cotton candy?]

"Okay... so anyway, here's a question," Deadpool began, before looking to Light to make sure he was fine with answering questions (which he seemed to be, he didn't really do anything besides look at Deadpool, as if in waiting), then asking, "How come you're not transparent and stuff?"

"That's related to things I don't feel like talking about," he answered, "All I'm gonna say is that I got some abilities from something, and I can decide whether I want to fully enter something or not."

"Can you send me back?"

"No. Sorry about that. But you're kinda stuck here unless someone from your Equestria opens a portal here and you jump through it. Which you'll probably find irritating, as I've noticed this has become a popular crossing point for travellers."

"Yeah, I noticed..." Deadpool said, recalling the Clown Posse. "What's that mean, 'crossing point?'

"Sometimes you can't go somewhere right away. It's like driving a car and going on holiday, then stopping to refill the gas. Kind of annoying when you think about it, but oh well." He answered.

"Uh huh. I don't really get this." Deadpool stated.

"How? Haven't you been doing dimensional travelling before?" Light asked.

"Yeah, but I never had problems like that."

"No, you didn't, because your universe's ways of travelling planes of existence are a little bit different than the usual method. Maybe even better." He explained.

"Huh." Deadpool said. "We've done something right. That's nice to know. So... that... thing you said you could do... that's how you were able to pretend you were a S.H.I.E.L.D agent?"

"Advisor. And getting into S.H.I.E.L.D was really hard, you must understand," He said, "I had to pick the correct time to apply for the job, and then wait for the precise moment to make sure you got into Equestria."

"So... why were you... doing what Nick Fury said, and even told his group where we were?" Deadpool asked.

"I didn't do that. You tripped a silent alarm. For the third time."

"...Oh, right."

Light shrugged. "Everyone makes that mistake, I'm sure. I'm happy I didn't have to blow my cover just to help you leave, at the very least."

Deadpool examined Light a little. He seemed a little different than before. Either that, or he hadn't noticed the slight innocence in him because he only got glimpses of him before things happened. It seemed as though Light was in places because he could be, but he believed there was nothing wrong with that. It was hard to notice though, 'cause he was still creepy. That, and he conspired against him with Wisefree, which was the topic of his next question, "So... why did you help Wisefree steal my spot?"

"I was in the neighbourhood and he looked like he was in need of help." Light replied, matter-of-factly.

"...That's it?" Deadpool asked.

"I think so." Light answered with a shrug.

Deadpool deadpanned. Not that Light could see it. "How's everyone at the Equestria we were at before this one?" He asked.

"Well..." Light began, before explaining...
_________________________________________________

Right now, they're quite concerned for you at the moment. Wisefree and the Elements of Harmony have decided to try and find a way to locate you, while trying to differentiate you from other versions of you... so far, that isn't going so well... the first time they tried it, this is what they ended up with...

"Alright... let's see if this works..." Twilight said.

"A-are you going to be alright, Twilight? After all... y-you're opening a portal..." Fluttershy asked.

"Well... no pain, no gain, Fluttershy. You said it yourself, we can't leave him out there to suffer." She breathed in, and began concentrating. Her horn began glowing, as Light looked on in interest.

*fffffffsssssshhhhhh*

The portal opened, with a lavender portal opening up. And out of the portal came a red and black pony. It was a costume.

"We... got him...!" Twilight announced, exhausted.

The pony looked around, and they noticed the build... wasn't that of a stallion, but of a mare.

"...Wow. Today's an even weirder day than usual," Lady Deadpool stated. "I don't think I can get used to this much colour."

Lyra looked to Fluttershy. She trotted over to her and whispered, "Can I keep her?"

Fluttershy looked at Lyra, with the same expression of surprise she had when Lady Deadpool appeared, then redirected her attention to Lady Deadpool again.

The female Deadpool looked at the lavender portal. Then at the surprised ponies. "...Buh-bye!" She said, before jumping through the portal again, not really noticing she was turned into a pony.

...

...

Twilight collapsed. Light facepalmed, not that anypony noticed. Twilight was still looking for a spell to help them see temporally locked beings. But he took this moment to sulk in disappointment.
______________________________________________

"Wanda?" Deadpool asked, pretty sure he knew who Light was talking about.

"Who?" Light asked, obviously not having heard of Lady Deadpool.

"You know... the fan-service of Deadpool fans?" He asked.

"...You have fans?"

"...Forget it. Anything else happen?" Deadpool queried.

"We found a dog, a mime, a drill sergeant, a pirate, a green person named Bob, 'Agent of Hydra,' and a penguin. That's about it."

"...Okay... I know about most of them..." Deadpool said, nodding.

Light just nodded.

"Any way you can help me get back?" Deadpool asked.

"I said I can't, and I stand by that." Light insisted.

"Do you know a way I can get out by myself then?"

"No, I haven't needed to find a way out besides my usual way of getting around." He answered.

"Well... what're those... Scarecrow rip-offs?" Deadpool asked.

"...Huh?"

"...The guys with needle-fingers."

"Oh, them? Those are the people who had the bright idea of trusting the first guy who looked like that to help them get to another dimension, and they ended up becoming his minions. Then he died, and now they're stuck wandering the universes, having to stab people with whatever substance is in those needles so they can absorb their temporal energy and survive." He explained. "Wisefree released that energy on you. It's effective even in temporal locks, but it's more dangerous for whoever's holding it in the first place."

"...Right... so he was risking his life just to take my place?" Deadpool said to be certain.

"Yeah."

"Wow. He's obsessive."

{I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING ALL DAY!}

[Me neither.]

Oh, it's you two. Please hurt Deadpool's brain for calling Wisefree obsessive.

{...Uh. Okay.}

"Ow." Deadpool said, rubbing his head with one hand.

Light just raised an eyebrow, then lowered it again.

"...Well... what happens if the... what'd you say their names were again?" Deadpool asked.

"I didn't." Light answered.

"...What happens if the Didn'ts stab me with a needle now?" Deadpool asked.

Light's face deadpanned upon called them Didn'ts, but answered anyway, "Your temporal signature has already been registered, so they'll be looking to end you instead of absorbing you. The next time they stab you, you'll die."

"I have a healing factor, I'll be fine." Deadpool retorted.

"No. You won't."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IhR5_aFCIo

{...Well, we're screwed.}

"...'Kay." Deadpool said, accepting the situation. He sighed, and asked, "Can you at least give me some weapons to defend myself?"

"Sure." Light said, reaching into his jacket, and pulling out a pink, shiny handgun, which he had used to get rid of those Didn'ts that were trying to kill Deadpool in the last issue, holding it to Deadpool.

"...Really?" Deadpool asked. Light didn't react, he just holding it where it was. "...No offence, but pink doesn't go well with my style... or yours."

"You're right. This was a mistake," Light began, "I should have just stayed at home and tended to my cats, and have an epiphany after watching the last episode of Twin Peaks, and that epiphany would be, my purpose in life is to use my dimension-exploring skills to scare people into believe a demonic spirit has come to make them do horrible things, and they will use their imagination to decide what horrible things they'll commit, and they'll be driven mad, convinced that they were being influenced, and then I'll do the same to the policemen, and then all the people in town who are still sane will be forced to flee that town, and they will protect themselves with their glow-in-the-dark sticks, and their shoelaces will be their undoi-"

"What the hell are you going on about?" Deadpool asked.

"Don't you see what they're trying to do? They're trying to make first-person shooters the best game type ever, but they're not thinking correctly. Why not try Second-person shooters? Play it like Zork, and type in all the things that your soldier does, and the multiplayer will be a lot better, intense typing, re-introduction into pen-and-paper role-playing, introduction into using role playing personas as your real life personality in your occupations, and then using your true personality as your real life personality in life, and you have gotten a life, and they never listened to me when I told them, they should have listened, but they told me it was impossible, well I have-"

"Shut up a moment!" Deadpool demanded, getting freaked out.

"And they're telling us, 'We all die sometime,' well, after looking at the internet for a while, I have decided that there is a poisonous gas in the air, and it takes a long time to kill us, and the solution is not breathing at all. 'We'll die,' they said, 'It's not possible,' they said, well, who's getting the laws of physics wrong n-"

"ALRIGHT, I'LL USE THE FREAKING GUN!" Deadpool shrieked.

"Thank you kindly." Light said, handing him the gun.

"...Anything else?" Deadpool asked.

"Does it look like I have anything else?" Light asked.

"...No..."

"Well, here's a surprise, I've been carrying this bag the whole time." Light said, placing a large leather bag onto the table. The table cracked a little, but didn't break. "That has all the supplies you'll need."

"...Cool."

"Yes. Cool." Light said, before standing up.

"...Where are you going?" Deadpool asked.

"Ponyville. Going to see how they're doing, and if they've found some way to save you," He said, before walking off. "Good luck." And then he disappeared in a blue flash.

...

...

...

...

The table collapsed.
_________________________________________________

To be continued in the next issue!

{We feel very minor.}

You are very minor. This entire chapter was an entire session of the awkwardness of the Helicarrier Man.

[I'm sad now.]

Don't worry. You have every reason to be sad now.

[That doesn't help.]

That's the point.

[Sadface...]

Author's Notes:

And now an episode that had a little bit more to do with Ponies. I'm kind of trying to keep this about Deadpool. I don't know why, but I find it easier to write that way.

I'm hopeful the next chapter will be one of the few remaining chapters of the 'Stuck out of Equestria' phase, if not the last.

I'm very sure I'll be taking a break tomorrow. I've been on a writing marathon, and frankly, I need some rest. I wonder if I'll end up working on this tomorrow again.

Dedicated Obsession, much?