Deadpool vs Equestria

Issue #26

Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUvfwKZD2-0

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Deadpool was sleeping on the couch. It was about five minutes before Rainbow Dash arrived to challenge Deadpool to her method of kindness. Fluttershy, who was waiting for him to wake up, frowned. Deadpool was either oversleeping, or he had woken up a long time ago, and was just trying to avoid the inevitable. Fluttershy looked an alarm clock that Pinkie had brought back from Earth, placed it next to Deadpool, and pressed a button on it, hoping that Pinkie's idea related to the alarm clock will work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9a4KKH6nmg

Deadpool woke up (if he didn't already), standing on the couch, and jumping off of it, landing a few feet in front of Fluttershy. She stepped back quickly.

"What... test do you want me to do now?" Deadpool asked.

"W-well... R-rainbow Dash is going to be here soon, so... o-oh, you h-haven't eaten yet...!" Fluttershy remembered.

Deadpool shrugged. "It's no big deal. At the moment."

"Oh, but it is! You might lack the energy you usually have!" Fluttershy insisted... "B-but... whatever you want is fine..."

"And why might I need my energy?"

{Because Rainbow Dash is probably gonna ask you to a race. Even though you have no wings.}

NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!

[...okay]

"Okay." Deadpool said.

Fluttershy looked at him confusedly. She was still thinking about what to say. Before she could comment, knocking was heard on the door. She squeaked in fright {Aww} before walking over to open the door. It was Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, Fluttershy. I'm here for that thing you wanted help with." She greeted.

"Oh... thank you, Rainbow. Come in." Fluttershy stepped aside to let Rainbow inside. Deadpool looked at Rainbow.

"I haven't eaten." He said.

"Well, you probably should've let Fluttershy give you something to eat, if you really think I was interested in hearing about that..."

"I don't have any wings." He said.

"I can see that..." Rainbow said, starting to get annoyed at what seemed to her like irrelevant prattle. She wouldn't use the word prattle, though.

"Apparently you're really fast, so there's no point in running." He said.

"What are you trying to say?" Rainbow asked bluntly.

"I don't want to race you." Deadpool finally told her.

"...You're telling me that you thought my test of kindness was going to be a race?" She asked in disbelief and slight offence.

"Yes."

"Well, let me run this by you, Deathstroke..."

"Deadpool."

"...Whatever. Fluttershy asked me, Ditzy and Twi to help her make you a better person, and we all decided that we should, for the good of Equestria. Because, really, I don't think Princess Celestia would trust you after that time you and Pinkie went to your world and nearly made everything aware of her."

"Everyone or body, Insert Rainbow Related Name here, we're not things." Deadpool said in his defence.

"...What did you call me?" Rainbow asked.

"Anything anyone wanted. I wanted to call you Skittles, but there's a far better Marvel cross-over fic that did that already, and, let's just say, I'm glad it's not the one that lies down roped to a train track and says 'hay.' Deadpool explained.

"... Uh... anyway," Rainbow began, recovering from Deadpool's crumbled logic, "Since we agreed to make sure it would be as effective as possible, we all had to agree to our methods. If one of us didn't have a very good idea, we'd work together to think up a better one. That's why racing was ruled out beforehand."

She used a few words with more than six letters.

{She's not an idiot, you idiot.}

The new Dante's an idiot.

[I kinda liked that demo.]

BUT WE'RE BETTER THAN HIM, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?

"So, what I've decided to do instead," Rainbow began, catching Deadpool's attention, "Is follow you around town, and watch you compliment every pony in the town."

"Why would I be outside, complimenting people?" Deadpool asked.

"Because that's what we're making you do, ...what's your real name? Dead River can't be your name." Rainbow asked.

"You said my name wrong on purpose." Deadpool accused.

"I did," Rainbow admitted, "But that's not important, I forgot your real name."

"Wade Wilson." He answered.

"Too... alien. Let's call you... Nutty."

"Oi."

"...We're going with Nutty, whether you like it or not." Rainbow insisted.

"Fine."

"Good. Now, before we go, You're gonna compliment me and Fluttershy."

"Oh, GUH." Deadpool said, using his hoof as a facepalm, now a facehoof, which happened to hurt his face. "Ow, GUH."

Rainbow was hovering in the air with her forelegs crossed, while Fluttershy stood, looked from one to the other curiously and somewhat expectantly.

"...Uh. Rainbow. You're awesome." Deadpool complimented half-heartedly.

"You bet I am!" Rainbow said, puffing her chest out. "Now, say something nice to Fluttershy."

Deadpool's eyelids lowered in boredom, before he looked to Fluttershy. He then started to think of whatever nice thing he could say to Fluttershy. It was really easy to compliment Rainbow. He really had to try hard to compliment Fluttershy to make it nice. A lot of consideration had to be put in.

"Fluttershy, I really like your mane."

...

{Err. Continue, because this joke is overused.}

Buck you.

"You look like you have really soft and silky fur, and I hear you go to the spa a lot, so that probably explains that. Which also means you smell nice, really nice. You also have really cute squeaks. Nice eyes. That's all I got."

Fluttershy blushed the way one gets complimented exaggeratedly, even though it's not an exaggeration, and he could have said a lot more. So adorable. "Oh... um... thank you."

"Bye!" Deadpool ran out of the door, and waited outside the house, expecting Rainbow Dash to follow. Rainbow and Fluttershy's expressions deadpanned, and Rainbow hovered on over to Deadpool, staying high above him as he began his complimentary spree.

And probably fail it.

Yeah.
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To be continued in the next issue!

[We felt so unimportant.]

{To be fair, this is rather short.}

[It shouldn't have been.]

I forgot what Pipsqueak's accent came from, if I did, I would have elaborated when Deadpool said 'Oi.'

Why didn't you make Rainbow say he sounded like Pip?

...I thought it'd be funnier and less weird if Rainbow mentioned the place Pipsqueak's accent came from. It'd be less weirder than 'The weird places of Canterlot royalty.'

...Where'd that come from?

Rarity's accent.

{How?}

Just... shush...

Author's Notes:

Well.

I don't know...