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Deadpool Vs. Equestria

by Live Light

Chapter 29: Issue #25: Be kind... if you don't mind: Part 2

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Deadpool vs Equestria

Issue #25

Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvMrR4_4E-Q

________________________________________________________

Deadpool tried to-


...

Deadpool looked at himself in the mirror.

[There is no mirror.]

{I know, I know, he's left...}

Deadpool flew to Mount Rushmore to avoid-

[...]

{Well, this is what happens when the Author leaves me in charge. I only volunteer to take part when I think of things to write.}

[Speaking of which, where's the Author gone anyways?]

{Uh.}

-----

Totally rocking out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U9yYTeWsYM

-----

{Probably nothing fun. Anyway, I've thought of something.}

Deadpool walked along Ponyville, now faced with being today's mailpony. It wasn't a very fun job. Like a lot of people, he'd rather his occupation be something fun and derogatory to other people, like a mercenary. Like what he used to be before getting thrown into this place. Weasel's fault. ALL OF IT! FAHKING WEAS! I'M GONNA BRAIN YOU! AAAUAUUUGUGGUH-

[Calm down, there, cowpony.]

{...Uh?}

Anyway. As the mailpony, his job was to deliver mail to ponies. Durr. So, it was only reasonable that his first stop would be...

A costume shop.

[Wat?]

{Nopony wants to see a masked pony delivering the mail. So why not have a mailpony uniform over his costume?}

[I see your reasoning, but won't the suit be rather unrealistic?]

{Now who's the cultured dick?}

[Your culture has been rubbing off on me, and I feed off it, like a vampire. You are reduced to my level, and I am elevated to your level. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]

{If my level is your level, then you have been reduced to my level, and I have been elevated to your level, which, by now, has become your vagrant level, and you are reduced to my cultured level, which is now my vagrant level, and the stuff goes on again and again and again and again and again, which is why, I will be the cultured one... you gibbering twit.}

[GO TO HELL!]

{Make me!}

(Catfight)

Hey, guys, still being kittens as usual?

{HUUUUUUUHRHRH? No, not at all!}

[...?]

Doo doo doo doo doo.... doo doo... doo doo.... hmm hmm... hm hm hm hm hm...

{Is that Berlin's Take My Breath Away?}

No.

{... ... ...? Okay.}

*Phew*

So Deadpool walks out of the tihngirsgnrsignsignsi. I don't know.

[Cosplay food supply.]

Thanks. So Deadpool walks out of the tihngirsgnrsignsignsi. I don't know what that means.

{Costume store.}

Thanks. So Deadpool walks out of the costume store, dressed as a ballerina.

...

Ha. Couldn't resist. So Deadpool walks out of the costume store, dressed as a proper mailpony, looks around, then opens his saddlebag to check who was first on his list.

He got a different language.

Thankfully, as a pony, his brain somehow adapted to knowing what the hell that meant. In hindsight, it's required for survival.

"Lyra Heartstrings... Wow, that tells me exactly what she plays as a musical instrument." Deadpool commented.

The lyre, right?

"...I was thinking of the drums."

...

Deadpool slapped himself in the face.

"FAHK!"

Deadpool then walked over to Lyra's house. He had to look at everypony's door numbers to know where he was going, and eventually found Lyra's number on a door. He knocked on the door. And waited.

...

...

*Clang*

At least I know she heard it. I'm assuming it's a she, because Lyra sounds female... humany. ...Huh. Weird.

...

...

Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmmmmmm....

[That IS Take My Breath Away, isn't it?]

No, no.

[... ... ...? ... ... ... Okay.]

Finally, Lyra answered the door. She was a mint green unicorn with white and whitey-blue hair and hazel eyes. Trying to avoid punishment from Fluttershy over a simple yet inevitable misunderstanding, he avoided looking at her cutie mark. Probably couldn't anyway, she was right in front of him, at the door.

Lyra looked at him for a moment, tilting her head and squinting. Deadpool did the same. Awkward silence happened.

"...I have your mail." Deadpool said. Lyra just nodded.

Deadpool went to open his saddlebag.

"Wait a moment," Lyra finally said, causing Deadpool to stop what he was doing, and look at Lyra. "So, have you have the rock-paper-scissors issue yet?" She asked.

Deadpool looked puzzled for a moment. "Rock-paper-scissors issue? I have no problem with that, I'll demonstrate. Rock, paper, scissors." Deadpool attempted the motion, and used Rock. He had picked paper.

Deadpool processing mode activate. He looked at his hoof. Then at Lyra, who was grinning, as if she had made some grand discovery. Then his hoof. Then all his hooves. Then attempted to look at her cutie mark, which was when it all made sense now. Although, Lyra raised an eyebrow, and her grin dissipated at that last look.

"Ooohhh..." Deadpool oh'd in realization. "I hate rocks..."

"I knew it..." Lyra said, looking amazed again. "I found a human."

{OUR COVER'S BLOWN!}

[FAHK!]

{She's my new favourite.}

[Wait, what?]

"...Uh..." Deadpool quickly opened his saddlebag, gripped the envelope in his mouth, and gave Lyra her mail. "Hereyougonicetomeetyouokaybye!" Deadpool said, running off.

There was no telling what crazy things that crazy thing was going to experiment on with!

"...I was gonna ask if he wanted to meet Bon-Bon, but... maybe later."

-----

{Well... I think Lyra's gonna be a recurring character now.}

[Didn't we already see her in a previous issue?]

I really don't remember, so it must've not been a good one. I'm definitely gonna remember this one, though. We're like a cartoon. Sometimes forgetting continuity.

EEEEEXXXPOSITION!

Next in the mail list, was Cloud Kicker. Sounded like a sky-city resident's name. Apparently not. The only problem was, it was gonna be probably a five minute's walk from the looks of it.

*Time cut*

10 minutes.

{You stopped by to eat bread. You don't even like bread.}

"That might explain it..." Deadpool said out loud. Anyway, he was at Cloud Kicker's residence. He knocked at the door.

Cloud Kicker got to the door and opened it a lot faster than Lyra did. She reminded Deadpool of one of those blondes you see in the movies who isn't a stereotypical ditzy blonde, but instead is kinda smart, and looks like she gets along with others really well.

She really did remind him of those. Anyway.

"Hi. I'm here to deliver your mail." Deadpool said.

"Okay," Cloud Kicker said, "Doesn't Ditzy usually do the mail?"

'I'm being punished,' is what Deadpool wanted to say, but he just settled with, "Yes, yes they do. Here's your mail." He said, before reaching into his saddlebag, taking the envelope into his mouth, and giving it to Kicker. "Bye."

Cloud Kicker opened her mouth to say something, but he shut the door in her face, before walking off. I highly disapprove.

[Why?]

Winningverse. Just... Winningverse.

"Okay, who's next on the list?" Deadpool said, before checking. "Oh, Stephenie Meyer."

Twilight Sparkle.

"Muahaha."

-----

Deadpool arrived at Twilight's treehouse library reclusive die-alone depressing thoughts nerdy kinda cute when you think about it... off topic. House. He knocked on the door. Which was wood. Just like the rest of her freaking house.

Who else would open the door, but Spike.

Deadpool looked at Spike, after noticing he was small enough not to notice at first glance. "I'm either in Skyrim or the Lizard had a kid and sent it after me."

"...Uh... I'm a dragon," Spike said. "A baby dragon."

"So I'm in Skyrim then. Fantastic." Deadpool sarcastically commented.

"...Twilight?" Spike called. "The mailpony is creeping me out!"

"I am not." Deadpool retorted.

"Yes, you are. I mean, really, creeping me out." Spike complained.

"Oh. I thought you said I was interested in Berlin's Take My Breath Away, to which I replied, 'I am not.' Yes, I AM creeping you out, and it's kinda fun to know that."

"..."

Then, Stephenie Meyer came along to look at Spike, who was just staring at the mailpony as if he was disturbed by something.

"Haven't you seen Ditzy before, Spi-" Twilight began to say, before actually looking at the mailpony, realizing it was Ditzy, and shrieking.

Deadpool, for good measure, shrieked too.

"S-sorry..." Twilight apologized, "I'm uh... not used to seeing a m- uhm... a mailpony besides the usual one."

"Do you have a problem with masked men?" Deadpool asked.

"No, Deadpool. ...Well, if I'm honest, I was just reading a horror book which had a strange religious order... more of an occult order that all wore red masks, so... yeah... sorry about that." Twilight admitted.

"Do you have It?" Deadpool asked.

"...Huh?"

"Nevermind."

{Stop it.}

"Huh?"

{Stop referencing It. The Author's Pennywise story is what that's for. His upcoming Deadlights story is what that's for. His blogs about his upcoming Deadlights story is what that's for.}

"Okay." Deadpool said, out loud.

"...Pardon?" Twilight asked.

"Everything. Anyway, here's your mail." Deadpool said, before reaching into the saddlebag, and giving her the mail. "Bye." Deadpool said, walking away, this time leaving the door open. ...Winningverse...

"...Twilight... I don't like that guy..." Spike whimpered.

"Me neither, Spike. Me neither." Twilight agreed.




"Next on the list..." Deadpool went to check the mail saddlebag, before stopping a moment. His back hurt a bit. He realized he had a LOT of mail. Shredding the mail would make it lighter. He didn't dare do this, though. So he checked the saddlebag.

"Okay, so it's Bon-Bon... ...waitaminute... that's the same address as Lyra..." Deadpool groaned.

....FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

{Oi.}

-----Point of View: Fluttershy-----

Fluttershy finished feeding the animals in the cottage and outside, and walked over to the couch and sat on it, and sighing contentedly. She felt that now, a rest was in order.

Repeated knocking on the door. Fluttershy squeaked in surprise. She looked at the door, then got off of the couch, and began walking towards it. Then it just opened, and Deadpool walked in. A kinda different looking Deadpool.

This was definitely Deadpool. But he was wearing a rather tattered mailpony suit, and he looked rather disheveled, slouching, and looking very tired overall.

"O-oh... um... are you okay?" Fluttershy asked. Deadpool just shrugged. "O-okay... did you avoid ruining the mail?"

Deadpool looked up at her, and the bottom of his masked lowered a little as he opened his mouth, ready to speak.






















And then he collapsed.

...Ladies.
_____________________________________________________

To be continued in the next issue!

{IT WAS FAHKING BERLIN'S TAKE MY BREATH AWAY, WASN'T IT!?}

...Maybe.

{Were you listening to it throughout this writing?}

...Yis.

{Well, good thing me and Yellow Caption Box like it too. And you wrote kinda fast, for starting an hour and a half ago.}

Maybe everyone should listen to it when they write.

{Don't go that far, you can't change people.}

...Aw.

{Don't do the cute puppy cat eyes, you look like you want to eat me when you do that.}

...Okay.

Author's Notes:

I don't know why. But I think this is so far, the greatest chapter I have ever written, whether it has mistakes and a possible continuity error or not. Don't you agree?

DON'T YOU!?

Also, for hugging Fluttershy in the comments, I give WiseFox an imaginary diagram for the thing that can end the world.





Get to the chopper.

Next Chapter: Issue #26: Be kind... if you don't mind: Part 3 Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes
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