Rainbow watched the vile amber liquid race down her kitchen sink. This was against her true interests. She wanted to get plastered so badly, to get so slobbering wasted that she couldn't feel the world, nor could it feel her. But mentally she couldn't even get past the sickening irresponsibility of ever drinking alcohol again. One too many. That was all it took to upend everything, to hurt everyone.

The empty liquor bottle slipped from her hooves, rattling angrily in the rusty sink and threatening to burst like its sibling which she'd rashly hurled at the wall and cut herself on. She reached in to fish it out and felt the sting of another errant glass shard upon her foreleg.

"Fuck," she cried out, recoiling her limb. She looked at the counter and saw red before wrapping her lips over the oozing wound. Two bloody legs and a head full of horror and chaos that was only growing exponentially. Frustration… Stupidness… She couldn't stop spiraling.

"Are you sure you're okay?" came Fluttershy's muffled voice through the front door.

"I'm fine, Fluttershy," she shouted in dismay, the taste of metal on her tongue. Fresh tears began to well in the corners of her eyes. "I just need to be alone right now. Please."

"Okay… I'll just… leave the cookies by the door… We can talk more later. Good- goodbye."

Rainbow abandoned the mess she’d made and limped to the first aid kit which still laid open in the bathroom. She was flailing so desperately and couldn't find a thing to grab hold of. She wanted to be drunk but she didn't want to drink. She wanted support from her friends but she was too ashamed to see them. She wanted to atone for her transgressions and fix this but no matter how hard she stared at it, she could find no path back to the way things were yesterday morning.

Her time to get out of this with a happy ending was past. Her options now seemed to be either keep things how they were or make them even worse. She couldn't explain this to Thunderlane or her parents. Scootaloo would be devastated. She'd hate her and Rumble and possibly never trust anyone again. It was a tossup how Thunderlane might take it. Of course it would be bad but would he go full soap opera and then go out binge drinking or would he snap and do something to her? She hated that she had to ask that question but especially with his recent drug usage, she didn't know. She betrayed him but also corrupted his brother who he guarded so dearly. That was infinitely worse and likely unforgivable. What would knowing this do to their relationship as siblings? Could they ever get past such a thing?

If she told any of them, it would come with a certain understanding that they would be hurt badly and she'd lose them as friends forever. She wouldn't be able to work professionally with Thunderlane in the Wonderbolts. If she never saw him, she wouldn’t be seeing Rumble either. There’d be no more foalish adventures with Scootaloo.

This was to say nothing of her potential legal peril which was a veritable minefield for everything and everyone she was associated with. There would be no recovering from going to court for what she'd done. The sheer magnitude and irrevocable nature of it all felt like a snake coiling around her stomach.

Rainbow ripped the medical tape with her teeth and draped the last strip on her gaus dressing that was already showing red blotches. She crawled into the cold, empty bathtub and curled into a sorrowful ball. - - -

---

She could have gone outside and flown around to clear her mind like Twilight had suggested. She would have done that in most other situations but this time she wanted to stay alone in her horrible apartment. Rainbow started on a new Rockslide book. What else could she do? The whole day had been torpedoed and she just wanted to escape the wreckage even if it was only with a temporary distraction.

She should have been on a train with Pinkie right now, exchanging prank ideas for Nightmare Night and worrying if they could wrap up their friendship mission quick enough to make it back in time. It felt like she'd fallen off a cruise ship in the dark and the only thing there was left to do was watch the lights fade over the horizon.

Rainbow needed to take action in some way, to regain control of her life but she was at a complete loss. Crawling back out of the world of dark jungles, hooffights on burning ships and supernatural treasures just to be paralyzed with indecision on her bed seemed like a torturous waste of time.

To her chagrin, her reading stamina was less than ideal. Though she wanted to just read the whole story in one sitting, her eyes hurt and her brain was weary from sustained mental focus. She slipped a feather into the book and tossed it on her pillow.

Rainbow rubbed her aching eyes as the unwanted thoughts began to bleed through once more. She paced and fretted silently around the apartment, pausing in front of her dresser to look at the framed photo of her two biggest fans, mom and dad. They were always so proud of her. This would have to be the biggest test of that pride.

"Uh, mom? Can I talk to you about something?” she began, looking with downcast expression at Windy’s unflappably smiling face. “I did something really bad and you're the only one I feel safe talking about it with."

She paused as if listening to her mother's typical worried but comforting preamble. "Yeah, it's why I stopped getting called for friendship missions. You know Rumble, Thunderlane's brother? Well, he's actually also dating Scootaloo which is why this is so… exponentially horrible… I…”

The words got stuck in her throat, even just monologuing to a damn photograph. How was it that she'd been so drunk but still able to remember all of this? She swallowed and tried again. “I had sex with him.”

It's statutory, her brain rudely reminded her. It's kind of dishonest to phrase it like that.

“Now before you say anything,” she continued defensively. “I was drunk and you had to be there. We were out in public and he had the saddest little hardon and he was embarrassed and in my mind at the time I was just doing him a favor by getting rid of it for him. That's… that's it.”

Her frown deepened. “No. When I say 'in public,' I mean we were alone… on a ride at the Nightmare Fair.”

Rainbow blinked aghast. "What do you mean HOW? Mom, that's inappropriate." She knocked the photo face down on the dresser to snap out of the undesirable mental scenario she'd put herself in. "Yeah, this conversation is not happening,” she groaned.

She stayed holed up for the rest of the day. At night she finally went out, late, when she thought most would be home or asleep. That was how she found the basket of Fluttershy’s cookies she'd forgotten about.

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