The faintest of hopes that what had transpired the previous night might have all been just a nightmare was the only thing pulling Rainbow out of bed. Her restless night, the weight on her conscience, it was because of a dream. It was just her anxiety and discontent acting on a stage in her head.

Groggy and clumsy, she reached for the satchel on her dresser. It tumbled to the floor, spilling its contents. Lip balm, gum, bits, a lost emergency condom that predated Thunderlane, keys, the ticket stub from the Nightmare Fair.

"Fuck," she breathed, feeling her heart drop with sickening finality. She closed her eyes and squeezed her head between her hooves. It wasn't a dream.

She imagined Rumble waking up in his own room, stumbling through the same thought process. Was he confused? Was he disturbed? Could he be… happy that this happened? He didn't seem happy, not at any point after that ride ended. She recalled his paralyzed expression when saying goodbye to Scootaloo after what had otherwise been an amazing time. In the heat of the moment though, he seemed unabashedly receptive to her advances but, like her, he wasn't thinking either. He might not have been entirely absolved of wrongdoing in the situation but… she was supposed to be the adult. She was supposed to protect them. He was just a dumb, hormonal kid and she'd goaded him into cheating on his first fillyfriend.

In her brain, since dating Thunderlane at least, Rainbow had adopted Rumble as a little sibling, kind of like Scootaloo. She was willing to admit to herself that she found him cute. That was a normal thing, she told herself. But where was the line between thinking he was cute and wanting to give him a crash course in anatomy? She was drunk; she wasn't thinking clearly. But what a horrific mistake to make with somepony she cared about. How could something like that just come out of thin air? If a drunk mare's words were a sober mare's thoughts, could the same be said of a drunk mare's actions?

She wanted to just stop thinking about it because she didn't like where the questions were taking her… but it was the only thing she could think about. What was she supposed to do today? Oh… it was… a day off… sort of.

Rainbow slowly ate a cold bowl of oats in the dark and then took a shower. She forgot to wash at all and just stood in the tub staring into the black drain hole as water spiraled down it. Under the white noise, she muttered inaudible apologies that she wanted to give to Rumble. She needed to see him and make sure that he was okay. If he wasn't okay then… how could she live with herself?

She got out and dried off. Then she paced around in a daze, head aching from her damp mane in the cool air.

There came a knock at the door that finally forced her out of her own mind. She saw Thunderlane and a demure looking Rumble hanging back behind him.

"Hey," said Thunderlane. He leaned forward with presumptuous claim to a kiss. She made sure not to hesitate to catch his lips with her own. Giving him a normal kiss was easy; the real problem was that what she had done still sat in the back of her mind like a tar stain... and there was Rumble. Rumble averted his eyes; he always did that when she kissed his brother in front of him, but this time it hit differently. They seemed to share a pang of shame with the act. What was it called when an inside joke lacked levity? That was what they had.

Her secret seemed safe for now. But what colt could resist telling this kind of story to his friends? One who wanted to keep his girlfriend. One who would rather die than let his brother know or get his co-conspirator friend get in trouble, however many flavors it came in. It wasn't worth the social points; his peers would never believe him anyway. She was there and it still sounded like a bizarre dream to her.

"Ready to go?" asked Thunderlane from the hall.

"Yeah." Rainbow cleared her throat. She'd almost forgotten about this. They were going to his parent's house in Cloudsdale for a final cookout before the weather turned. It was the last thing she wanted to do at this moment but she wouldn't back out, especially not without a good excuse.

"We just gotta hit the grocery store on the way," he added, turning away. "I said I'd bring drinks."

The three of them took off for their shared hometown in the sky. Rumble, though smaller than them, made good time. He had the genes to become a Wonderbolt like them someday, hopefully one with less image and self esteem issues than his brother, thought Rainbow.

Once in the city, Thunderlane led them to the store and they touched down on the sidewalk outside.

"You can stay here if you want," grunted Thunderlane. "I'll be quick."

For a moment it looked like she'd get an opportunity to talk to Rumble alone but Just then, Rainbow felt a strange pulse on her flank. She looked back to see her cutie mark glowing. "Aw, jeez, seriously?" she sighed. Her immediate reaction was frustration but she quickly realized that this was actually the convenient out she wanted from the gathering. She turned to the brothers. "I'm sorry, I'm getting paged for element stuff. I have to go. See you."

She turned away, then remembered they usually kissed goodbye. She spun back around and planted a more passionate, somewhat desperate kiss on Thunderlane's lips. Then she turned to Rumble and hazarded tousling his hair goodbye. To her relief, he didn't shrink from her touch. "Tell your parents I said hi and I'm sorry." - - -

---

"What if I miss Nightmare Night?" whined Pinkie in despair.

Rainbow fluttered into the crowded map room of the Castle of Friendship to see hers and Pinkie Pie's cutie marks spinning over an apparent friendship mission in a far off land.

"Sorry, I'm a little late." She set down and slid into her designated seat. Suddenly a jolt of electricity shot through her body causing her to yelp in pain. She recoiled from the Throne of Loyalty and thudded on the floor amid surprised stares from the other Elements of Harmony. She shook it off as quickly as she could and scrambled back to her hooves, mortified from all the eyes on her.

"Are you okay?" asked Fluttershy worriedly.

Rainbow swallowed. "Ye- yeah. Fine. I just-" She placed an unsure hoof on the foreleg rest and received another smarting shock. She yanked her hoof away and shook it, swearing in her head.

Rarity and Applejack exchanged knowing glances.

With the edge of her throbbing hoof in her mouth, Rainbow glanced back at the map in time to see her cutie mark vanish and get replaced by Starlight Glimmer's. The group gasped and turned to look at Starlight who always just lurked meekly in the corner for map meetings, her and Spike being the only ones without seats at the table.

"Me?" she gasped in bemusement.

Rainbow's face wilted like paper in a furnace. It felt like she'd just had the air knocked out of her lungs.

Twilight turned to Rainbow with gritted teeth. "Uh, I'll just get you a folding chair." - - -

---

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. No one's perfect."

"Are you serious right now? Because it was pretty fucking embarrassing," began Rainbow. She quickly lowered her voice knowing that everyone probably had their ears to the other side of the door. "I was right in the spotlight."

"Look, it happens," shrugged Twilight. Remember Fluttershy and Applejack?"

"No one has ever gotten scrubbed from a mission right there in front of everyone," Rainbow retorted indignantly.

"Well… yeah," she conceded sheepishly. But my point is that this sort of thing has happened before. All we need to do is reconcile the issue, make amends or whatever and then you move on as the Element of Loyalty.

"There's no issue to reconcile," snapped Rainbow.

"Then why did the element reject you?"

The pegasus swallowed. There was no way she could fake her way out of this one. No way to lie back into that chair.

She shrugged disingenuously. "I don't know, maybe it's having a bad day."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You don't have to tell me what the problem is. You just have to fix it. But if you want to rap about it, you know I'm here."

If she told her the whole story in confidence, Rainbow was fairly certain that she wouldn't rat her out to the general public, law enforcement or even Celestia even though she was duty-bound to do just that. If Rainbow told her, she'd just be spreading her own dirt around and making Twilight complicit in her actions; she could drag down the other elements and even Celestia if word got out and they were discovered to have known the whole time. Worst of all, even if she told her, it would help nothing. The safest bet right now was to just play dumb and keep her mouth shut.

"I seriously have no idea why this is happening," she reasserted stubbornly.

The alicorn scowled from behind her desk. "I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, you think I'm lying to you?"

"I think you're lying to yourself. Rainbow, this is bigger than you or I. Everything we do here is based on teamwork but I shouldn’t need to tell you that because you're the first pony I think of when I think teamwork. Take a break, go for a fly and think about it and we'll get through this when you're ready."

Rainbow crossed her forelegs. "This is such bullshit," her voice cracked. "This kind of thing can't even happen to you or Pinkie. You don't have some vague real virtue you have to live up to at all times or else."

Her eyes stung. She had a lump in her throat. Completely helpless, she needed to leave before she had a breakdown in front of her friends.

Twilight's face softened with pity. "You know, the Elements of Harmony are mysterious and we still don't completely understand how they work. Maybe it would be good to refresh your memory on the definition of loyalty."

"Fuck you," sniffed Rainbow. She tried to surreptitiously wipe her eyes with her fetlock. "I'm sorry," she gasped before turning tail. "I- I have to go." She galloped away, bolting through the door and surprising her friends on the other side.

"Wait," called Applejack.

But the pegasus had already unfurled her wings and taken to the air. She shot through the open window up high like thread through a needle and didn't stop beating her wings until she was sobbing on her bed.

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