Our hero flipped to the next channel. Spongebob was on, and for some reason, he was a neckbeard.

"Lawl what the fuck." our hero said.

"Let's go to Disneyland!" NeckSponge said to his fat pink retard friend, Patrick.

"Nah, I wanna go fuck with Squidwards penis nose."

Spiderman turned the TV off and shook his head. "That show has gone so downhill... lawl."

"So... Spidey... what are we gonna do?" Cheerilee asked.

"Lawl I dunno." our hero responded.

"Y-you don't?"

"No, I lied." he said, picking up the mare and placing her on his back before standing up. Cheerilee latched onto him, wrapping her hooves tightly around his neck as our hero walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him. He walked out into the middle of the street and struck a pose, earning strange looks from the nearby ponies.

"Errr... Spiderman... what are you doing?"

"Proving Sonic wrong."

"Wha-"

"GOTTA GO FAST!" our hero exclaimed as he lurched forward, activating his nanosuit's super-speed and zooming through the streets at the speed of sound, leaving behind a trail of Cheerilee's breakfast and confused ponies.

Suddenly, our hero screeched to a halt in the middle of a busy street and quickly crab walked over to the sidewalk. Cheerilee dismounted off his back and promptly emptied the rest of the contents of her stomach onto the ground.

After spitting some of the taste out of her mouth and wiping away the bile at the corners of her mouth, she turned to our hero. "WOO! THAT WAS AWESOME! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

"No! My Spidey senses are tingling." our hero said, pointing down at his massive erection.

"Spiderman, what the-"

"SHHHHHHHH! IT'S GOING TO LEAD US SOMEWHERE. LAWL."

Our hero raced forward, following his tingling boner, a reluctant Cheerilee following close behind. His tingling boner would act just like a GPS unit, twisting right or left when our hero needed to turn and staying completely straight when he was going in the right direction.

Finally, his tingling boner went limp as he reached his destination.

Before him, the greatest stallion in Equestria stood, surrounded by beautiful mares. He was known by many nicknames, but his true name was Flash Sentry, Savior of the Universe.

Parked not ten feet away from him was his custom painted camaro.

His tingling boner kind of twitched in the cars direction.

"Spiderman, what is it?" Cheerilee asked.

"Free car lawl." our hero responded, walking up to the camaro. He glanced around suspiciously, before breaking open the window.

"SPIDERMAN, WHAT THE HE-"

"Hey, you, freeze!" a nearby cop shouted, drawing his sidearm and running towards him. Flash Sentry also noticed his car was getting stolen, and started making his way through the wall of stolen waifus to get to him.

"I'm the only thief here! Get away from my car!" the waifu thief exclaimed.

"Get on the ground!" the cop shouted.

"Everyone do the dinosaur!" our hero shouted.

Everypony stopped in their tracks, and did as they said. Our hero grabbed the teacher who had joined the crowd in doing the dinosaur, before throwing her inside the car and jumping in. After quickly hotwiring it, he slammed his foot down on pedal. The camaro raced forward and took down the street.

"I'LL STEAL YOUR WAIFU FOR THIS!" Flash Sentry yelled after them, before continuing to do the dinosaur.

"Get's me everytime..." he commented to himself.

After getting the camaro painted a matte black, getting the shattered window replaced, getting a sick ass spoiler, and some custom bumpers that made the camaro look like it came straight out of Fast and the Furious, our hero drove through the busy streets of Manehattan.

"Spiderman, can I ask you a question?" the mare in the passenger seat inquired.

"Lawl k."

"...what was that thing you were doing with your penis."

He looked at the mare and tilted his head quizzically. "You mean when I wank off or my Spidey sense?"

Cheerilee rolled her eyes. "...I know how the penis works. I'm curious about your Spidey senses."

"Hold up, let me call my nigga to explain this. Lawl." Spiderman said.

"Don't you mean my zigga?" she asked.

Our hero removed his one hand from the steering wheel and shoved it in Cheerilee's face. "Fuck your ho-"

"SPIDERMAN, KEEP YOUR HAND ON THE STEERING WHEEL!" she exclaimed in shock.

"JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!" our hero exclaimed.

"I don't know how to drive, bro." a voice said in the back of his head.

"JESUS DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!" Spiderman exclaimed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Just second before they crashed into a parked car, our hero grabbed the wheel and swerved to the right.

"Haha that was some awesome shit. Lawl." our hero said to the mare who sat beside him, who rolled down the window and puked out the last bile left in her stomach.

"Ugh... can we get something to eat or something... I think I need some gas for the tank," Cheerilee said, "some sprite might make me feel better as well."

"Lawl k."

After some shopping, our hero and his female companion peacefully made their way to Central Park with a couple bags full of goodies.

Not really.

"SPIDERMAN, WHAT THE HELL?!" Cheerilee exclaimed in shock, desperately clinging onto her grocery bags.

"I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Spiderman shouted out the window, his speaker system blaring as he kept one hand on the steering wheel and another out the window with one finger up, doing donuts in the grass beside the lake. After a few more minutes of doing this, our hero turned off the camaro's engine and climbed out. Cheerilee also did so, gagging as if she was about to vomit, however her empty stomach prevented her from doing so.

"R-remind me to n-never go to an a-amusement p-park with you, S-spidey." the mare managed to say.

"Lawl k."

He walked around the car to her side as she shook off the nausea. She leaned forward and reached in to grab the grocery bags with her teeth. As she did this, our hero snuck a peak at dat perfect postier.

UNF!

DAT BOOTY FINE! DAT BOOTY PERFECTION!

Our hero bit his bottom lip and put on a pair of sunglasses. "Do she have a booty?" our hero whispered to himself.

"She dooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." he answered himself.

"Did you say something, Spidey?" she said through a mouthful of grocery bags.

"Lawl mouthful." our hero laughed at the narrators expense.

"What...?" Cheerilee asked, confusedly as she placed the grocery bags on the grass.

"Nothing lawl."

Cheerilee shrugged, growing used to his shenanigans. She opened up one of the bags and tossed our hero a BLT, before grabbing her daisy sub sandwich.

Our hero placed his sandwich aside and carefully worked his digits under his mask. With an audible hiss, he removed it from his face and placed it on his lap, before digging into his BLT.

The mare sitting beside him stop nibbling on her sub and looked at hero, shocked.

He noticed her staring at him and turned to her, his head tilting quizzically. "What... is there something on my face...?" our hero inquired.

Cheerilee blinked, then giggled. "No, Spidey. This is just the first time I've seen you without your mask on," she said, taking him in. Instead of fur like most creatures in Equestria, Spiderman had peachy white skin. Though, he did appear to have some five o'clock shadow, and also had a small brown mane. He looked weird and exotic, even more so than when he had his mask on, but he was handsome, in her opinion. His features reminded her of someone in her past, someone she was glad was long gone.

"First time I took it off in front of a pony, to be honest. Lawl," he said, interrupting the mares train of thought.

"Why do you have even wear clothes?" Cheerilee inquired, "Nopony but nobles and the wealthy wears clothes, and you're certainly neither of those."

"Bullshit. I get plenty of money from Luna. Lawl." our hero said.

"That still doesn't answer my question."

"Don't get me wrong, I like to feel the breeze between my knees," Spiderman said, reminiscing about his crossdressing adventures in Badly Drawn New York City, "but, well, my cock doesn't exactly retract in between my legs like a stallion's does."

Cheerilee's cheeks flustered as she looked away in embarrassment. "O-oh, I-I see."

DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW.

"I got a question. Lawl."

"What is it?" she asked, glad that the subject has been changed.

"Are you a ninja?" our hero asked with a raised brow.

"What, no-"

"ARE YOU?!" Spiderman exclaimed.

"Spidey, a lady's got to have her secrets. Besides, somepony could get hurt if-"

"STOP BULLSHITTING! Lawl."

"FINE! I'M A NINJA! I SNEAK AROUND IN THE SHADOWS, FIGHT ROBOTS, SAMURAI, AND PIRATES WITH A KATANA, AND HOP FROM ROOF TOP FROM ROOF TOP FOR THE HELL OF IT! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!" she demanded.

"I sure am, lass." a voice from behind said.

Cheerilee's blood ran cold. She knew that voice.

It couldn't be...

Slowly, the mare looked over her shoulder, and spotted a pirate standing over her, a sword held limply in his hoof.

"Captain Morgan..." she managed to say.

"Aye, lass."

"What are you doing here?" the teacher who also happened to be a ninja asked, "Equestria belongs to the ninja. You have no business here."

"That's just not true, lass. I do indeed have business here in Equestria. I'm here to settle some old scores. Your clan caused me a lot of trouble in the past." Captain Morgan said.

"The Ninja Pirate war is long over, Captain." Cheerilee said.

"It's never over, Cheerilee. It'll never be over. I'd say good bye to your friend... you and your humans. You must have a thing for them."

"You bastard."

"Good bye, Miss Cheerilee." he said, tightening his grip on his swords handle as he swung downwards at the mare. She closed her eyes, and waited for her inevitable death.

It never came.

The ninja opened her eyes and looked up to find Spiderman standing over her, holding the swords blade in his hand.

"Hmm... what are you doing, sticking up for a pony? You're a human, a Pirate by blood. You dare protect a ninja?" Captain Morgan asked.

"Yes." our hero responded.

"Why?"

"Because I just don't give a fuck."

"That, and he is from an alternate dimension." Cheerilee threw in.

Our hero activated his nano-suit's superstrength and squeezed on the sword's blade, causing it to shatter, before he used his spare hand to grab the pirate by the collar and toss him into the nearby lake.

After several seconds of being under water, he surfaced and swam to shore. "I expected a fight... good thing I came prepared. ROBOT PIRATES! ATTACK!" he ordered.

From the surrounding area came dozens of robot pirates, their swords raised over their head as they wailed a war cry. Our hero drew the MP7 strapped to his leg and crouched as he brought it up to his shoulder. Seconds later, he opened fire, riddling the closest robot pirates with bullets with a few quick bursts.

Cheerilee shook off the shock of seeing her old nemesis and realized that they were under attack, and that Spiderman was the only one trying to defend her. Thinking quickly, she bit down on her tounge and drew blood. She then brought her hoof up to her mouth and spat some blood onto it.

"Gǒu díkè sī," she said under breath in ancient Neighsian. Seconds later, she became surrounded in a smoke screen. As the smoke disappeared, Cheerilee stepped forward, now in full ninja battle garb, a katana balanced delicately in her hooves. She stood up on her two back hooves, years of strenuous ninja training kicking in as she sprinted forward, slashing a robot pirate that was about to get the drop on our hero in half.

"You know, I wasn't expecting to ever touch this sword again after I went to college and became a teacher." Cheerilee said to our hero, raising her katana over her head and slashing downwards at a charging robot, cutting it cleanly in half.

"I was expecting to get laid today, but you don't see me complaining. Lawl." our hero said, rider kicking a robot that got too close for comfort and mowing down another. He turned his weapon on the next one, only to have it click empty. He dropped his MP7 to his side and extended his suit's vibroblades, before charging into the fray. Cheerilee followed his lead, slashing at any robot that crossed her path.

"Swish!" our hero exclaimed as he slashed across a robots face.

"Swish!" he repeated as he did this again.

"STAB!" he shouted as he stabbed his vibroblades through the robots face and power kicked it away from him, causing the robots carcass to violently explode seconds later.

"You know, you're having a lot of fun for someone who could easily get killed at any moment now." Cheerilee said to him, cutting a robot in half and delivering a roundhouse kick to another one.

"Like I give a fuck." Spiderman said.

Slowly but surely, the pair swished and stabbed robot pirate after robot pirate until only one was left. It stood there, being stared down by our her and his ninja companion.

It turned tail and ran, a little bit of motor oil running down it's metallic legs.

The two turned towards the lake where Captain Morgan was once standing, only to find a small piece of paper.

Our hero walked over to it and picked it up. He quickly read over it, and turned to the mare waiting eagarly to hear what it said.

"I can't read. Lawl." he said.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes and took the paper from him.

"It says... that we need to get our priorities in check and probably take out the evil mastermind instead of the goons first... and that this isn't over."

"Bitchin'." Spiderman said.

Cheerilee sighed. "Can we... like... go somewhere and do something? I need to get out of here."

"Lawl k."