The lack of blind waifus, Cheerilee booty, and AJ booty gives the writers of this fic some feels.

"NANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAN!" our hero exclaimed as he jumped from rooftop from rooftop, Cheerilee hanging on to his back for dear life.

"BY THE EMPRESS, SPIDERMAN, YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED!" Cheerilee exclaimed.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Spiderman shouted back, continuing to jump from rooftop to rooftop with the help of his nanosuit, "I'M BATMAN!"

"Spiderman, you are most certainly not Batman. You're Spiderman." Fluffles, whom was jumping beside him, reminded him.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" our hero exclaimed, jumping off the roof, doing seven barrel rolls, then landing perfectly on his feet, striking a pose. Several nearby ponies broke out into a golf clap.

Cheerilee hopped off of our heroes back and emptied the contents of her stomach onto the ground.

"Ms. Cheerilee, are you alright?" our heroes talking raptor companion asked the teacher.

"WOOOO!" the teacher exclaimed, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

"HELL YEAH!" Discord shouted, joining the trio.

"Hay lawl." our hero greeted the draconequus.

"Sup?" Discord asked.

"The struggle. Lawl."

"I FEEL YA BROTHER! THE MAN'S CRAMPING ON MY STYLE!" Discord exclaimed like a stereotypical black man.

"Lawl k."

"SPIDERMAN, ARE YOU A FRIEND OF JUSTICE?!" Discord asked.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." our hero responded.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

"Would you both kindly shut the fuck up?" Chrysalis asked the two bringers of chaos.

That bitch.

"Lawl k."

"Spiderman, if you are indeed a friend of justice, then you must chill with me." Discord said.

"Baller." our hero commented.

"Then what should we do?" the draconequus asked.

"Hmm..."

"Check out these fresh beats lawl." Our hero said, pulling a boombox out of his ass and placing it in front of him. He opened it, and placed his mixtape inside of it.

As it started up, he faced his small group of companions and struck a pose.

"Now this shit's about to kick off, this party looks wack

Let's take it back to straight hip-hop and start it from scratch

I'm 'bout to bloody this track up, everybody get back

That's why my pen needs a pad cause my rhymes on the ra-hag

Just like I did with addiction I'm 'bout to kick it

Like a magician, critics I turn to crickets

Got 'em still on the fence ready to pick it

But quick get impaled when I tell 'em stick it

So sick I'm looking pale, well that's my pigment

'Bout to go ham, ya bish, shout out to Kendrick

Let's bring it back to that vintage Slim, bitch!

The art of the MCing mixed with da Vinci and MC Ren

And I don't mean Stimpy's friend, bitch

Been Public Enemy since you thought PE was gym, bitch."

Discord slid in beside our hero and started dancing like a moron with him.

"Take your shoes off, let your hair down and-"

Go berserk!" Discord threw in.

"-all night long. Grow your beard out, just weird out and-"

"Go berserk!"

"-all night long!"

"We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down

So turn the volume loud, cause it's mayhem 'til the a.m.

So baby make just like K-Fed and let yourself go, let yourself go

Say fuck it before we kick the bucket

Life's too short to not go for broke

So everybody, everybody-"

"Go berzerk!"

"-shake your body."

Our hero shot up onto the ceiling and attached himself to it, and started dancing like a half-retarded Dale Gribble. Cheerilee, Chrysalis, and Fluffles looked at our hero and the draconequus

"Guess it's just the way that I'm dressed, ain't it?

Khakis pressed, Nike shoes just being fresh laced

So I guess it ain't

Dead after shave of cologne that made him just faint

Plus I just showed up with a coat fresher than wet paint

Sweet love is a chess game, check mate

But girl your body's banging, jump me in, bang bang

Yessiree Bob I was thinking the same thing

So come get on this kids rock, baw wit da baw, dang dang

P-p-p-pow pow chicka wow wow

Catch a cab, I wanna go down, br-bow-bow

Slow it down, throw in the towel, t-t-towel towel

Low it down, I don't know how, how, how, how

At least I know that I don't know

Question is are you bozos smart enough to feel stupid

Hope so, now ho."

Suddenly, there was a bright flash. Upon regaining their vision, everyone saw that Discord had joined our hero on the ceiling and was now moonwalking on it.

"Take your shoes off, let your hair down and-

"Go berserk!"

"-all night long."

"Grow your beard out, just weird out and-"

"Go berserk!"

"-all night long"

"We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down

So turn the volume loud, cause it's mayhem 'til the a.m.

So crank the bass up like crazy and let yourself go, let yourself go

Say fuck it before we kick the bucket

Life's too short to not go for broke

So everybody, everybody-"

"Go berzerk!"

"-get your vials."

"Watch this." Cheerilee said to the changeling queen standing beside her.

The teacher jumped up and bucked our hero off the ceiling.

"RIDER KICK!"

Our hero fell from the ceiling in a heep. Fluffles and Chrysalis collapsed onto each other, laughing their fucking ass off. With a bright flash, Discord joined them, laughing harder than a clown addicted to crystal meth.

As alarms sounded off inside his mask, our hero felt someone, or should I say, somepony, lay a hoof on his shoulder. He looked up and spotted Cheerilee looking down at him with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry..." she apologized.

"It's k lawl." our hero responded, rising off the ground. Seconds later, he was dancing like his usual self again. Cheerilee shrugged and joined him, shaking her booty around.

UNF. DA BOOTY. DAT BOOTY IS PURE PERFECTION. WHY DON'T THE READERS WANTS DA BOOTY LIKE SPIDERMAN DOES?!

UNF.

UNF.

UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNF.

Our hero did the only thing a man with his IQ, an impressive negative five, could do.

He kept laying down those hot lyrics.

"They say that love is powerful as cough syrup and Styrofoam

All I know is I fell asleep and woke up in that Monte Carlo

With the ugly Kardashian

Lamar, oh sorry yo, we done both set the bar low

Bars hard, drugs hard thought that's the past

But I done did enough codeine to knock Future into tomorrow

And girl I ain't got no money to borrow

But I am tryin' to find a way to get you alone, car note

Oh, Marshall Mathers shouldn’t everybody know

Get the bar soap lathered, came ghost and called Arthur’s Cargo's

Girl you’re fixin' to get your heart broke, don’t be absurd man

You bird brained baby I ain’t called anybody baby since Birdman

Unless you’re a swallow

Word, w-word man you heard, but don’t be discouraged girl

This is your jam, unless you got toe jam."

"Take your shoes off, let your hair down and-"

"Go berserk!" Cheerilee chimed in this time.

"-all night long. Grow your beard out, just weird out and-"

"Go berserk!"

"-all night long."

"We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down

So turn the volume loud, cause it's mayhem 'til the a.m.

So crank the bass up like crazy and let yourself go, let yourself go

Say fuck it before we kick the bucket

Life's too short to not go for broke

So everybody, everybody-"

"Go berzerk!"

"-get your vials."

"Now everyone sing along! Lawl." our hero exclaimed.

And so, besides Chrysalis because she's a cunt, joined in.

"We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down

So turn the volume loud, cause it's mayhem 'til the a.m.

So crank the bass up like crazy and let yourself go, let yourself go

Say fuck it before we kick the bucket

Life's too short to not go for broke

So everybody, everybody-"

"Go berzerk!" Discord sang.

"-get your vials."

As our hero finished his song and everyone did their best to regain their composer, Chrysalis let out a small groan.

"When did this story become a fucking musical?"

Eventually, the small party wound down. Cheerilee and Chrysalis decided to leave the men behind, Cheerilee leaving because there was school tomorrow, and Chrysalis leaving because she's a frigid cunt.

Eh, she's probably chill deep down inside.

"Nah. Lawl." our hero said, shaking his head at the narrator's stupidity.

Fuck you.

"NO FUCK YOU!"

"Spiderman, what are you on about?" Fluffles asked, looking at the superhero with concern as the three walked up the street.

"Nothing lawl." Spiderman responded.

They will never believe you.

"What should I do if Mr. Rogers is haunting me?" our hero blurted out.

"Jack off all day. He'll regret haunting you." Discord said.

"Lawl k."

As the three continued up the street, our hero got an idea as he spotted a mentally retarded gray pegasus with an ass tattoo with bubbles.

"Watch this shit. Lawl." our hero said, leaving the two behind and approaching the pony.

"Hay lawl." our hero greeted.

"Oh! Hello mister!" the tard responded.

"Your name's Drippy, right?"

"Well, actually, it's Derp-"

"I don't give a fuck. You know that drunk bitch?"

"You mean Berry Punch? You bet!"

"She stole your muffins."

"Oh dear." Fluffles commented from the side.

"W-what did you say?" the retard asked, her head turning to the side as her eye twitched.

"She. Stole. Your. Muffins. And she wants to meet you at the town center. Lawl." our hero said.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" the tard screeched, flying off at top speeds towards the town center.

"Go to the town center! There will be lulz!" our hero shouted to the two as he swung off.

Berry Punch sat inside the Salt Lick, pounding down yet another bottle of vodka. Berry Punch was probably the only living organism that could handle the level of alcohol Spiderman could consume. Legends say that the two once held a drinking contest, and after a week, neither had won.

Suddenly, the Salt Lick's door was kicked in by our hero, who raced up to the drunken mare and struck a pose.

"Tard's stolen your booze lawl!" he exclaimed.

"Oh. Sucks for her." Berry Punch commented, rising from her seat, and pointing her hoof toward the ceiling.

"Up, up, and away!" she exclaimed drunkenly as she flew through the roof.

Our hero tossed a handful of bits at the bar keep and swooced through the entrance, before jumping up to the roof and swinging his way to the town center.

By the time he arrived, the town idiot and town drunk were already going at it. Their yells could be heard all the way from Cunterlot as they flung accusations at each other. Our hero quickly joined his two bros, who were busy munching on a bag of popcorn and sipping chocolate milk.

"Did I miss anything?" our hero inquired.

"Hardly. The best is yet to come." Fluffles answered.

As he said this, both of the mares eyes started to glow red as they blabbered incoherently in an uncontrollable rage.

"And here... we... go..." Discord said in a perfect Joker voice.

Suddenly, lasers started shooting out of their eyes, hitting everything by the two mares. Their incoherent retard babbling continued as they ran around, shooting lasers all over the place.

"Haha! Alright! Another laser show!" an overhyped backround pony exclaimed before getting hit in the face by a laser, killing her instantly. Another overhyped backround pony standing next to her screamed out in shock moments before getting hit in the face.

"Lawl kickass." Spiderman commented, the three's plot armor blocking every single laser coming their way.

As the fighting reached it's peak, the two charged at each other, lasers firing at a faster pace than an uzi at an Easter drive by. The two tackled each other, rolling around on the ground, lasers still shooting out of their eyes.

"FINISH HER!" our hero exclaimed.

However, something unexpected happened.

The two started making out.

"Dammit!" Discord shouted.

"Kill her! Lawl." our hero exclaimed.

"Well... that ruins the fun... sort of... doesn't it?" Fluffles asked.

"Eh, at least those two overhyped musician background ponies are dead now. Good riddance." Discord said with a shrug.

"Yeah lawl."

"Well, fellas, it's been good, but I'm going to go home. Peace bros." Discord said. After giving our hero and his talking raptor companion a brofist, the draconequus teleported away, leaving behind two bros, a making out drunkie/retard couple, and a destroyed village.

CHOOSE YOUR PATH, COMRADE!

()Fight in a gladiator tournament with Ms. Cheerilee

()Take Luna to a Dethklok concert, you've heard she's secretly a metalhead (LUNA TIER THREE UNLOCKED)

()Teach the school children the wonders of solving your problems through violence by having them beat the living shit out of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon (SCHOOLHOUSE TIER FIVE UNLOCKED)

()...go on an awkward date with Rainbow Dash

()There’s a new mall. Let’s go exploring with Rarity and your pet raptor

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra (UNLOCKED AGAIN IN TWO CHAPTERS)

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong?