There was someone slamming on the door, waking our hero from his pleasant slumber and booty filled dreams.

"FUCK YOU!" our hero shouted at the door.

"Bro, open the door before I burn your fucking house down." Spike said from the other side.

Spiderman groaned. Today was going to be a long one.

He rose from the couch and made his way to the front door. Upon opening it, he spotted Spike standing their dressed up like a fucking pimp.

It kind of suited him, our hero had to admit.

"WHAT'S REALLY GOOD, NIGGA?!" our hero inquired.

"Not much. Not much." the purple dragon said.

"What the fuck do you want?" he asked.

"Bro, you fucked my crush almost a year ago. I almost had that tight alabaster pussy."

"Don't hate the player, hate the game. Lawl." our hero said.

"Deez nuts, Spidey. I got a threesome with cheerleaders to attend, and you're going to help Rainbow Dash out today so I can attend it. Or else."

"Or else...?"

"Or else we can get into some real gangsta shit." Spike answered.

"Lawl k."

Rainbow Dash arose from her slumber with a small yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she rolled out of bed. She grabbed her glasses and made her way into the shower, this time making sure to lock the door behind her, as she entered the shower. Five minutes later, she was out, to avoid Twilight chewing her out for wasting water. She quickly dried off, tied her mane up into a bun, put on her glasses, and left the bathroom.

"Watch me swooce right in!" the rainbow maned librarian heard someone call out from inside.

"SWOOCE!" Spiderman screeched as he jumped through the open bedroom window.

"SPIDERMAN?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in shock.

"IT'S SPIDEY TIME!" he said, hopping erratically towards the librarian.

"NO SPIDERMAN, NO!" the librarian cried, curling up into a ball to defend herself from whatever attack he was about to unleash.

Instead, she felt him place his palm a top her head.

"That'll do pig, that'll do. Lawl." he said.

"What are you doing here, Spiderman?" she asked, rising off the ground and dusting herself off.

"Lawl I dunno."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Lawl."

"..."

"=D"

"What was that?" she asked.

"I dunno lawl."

The mare looked at the superhero like he was some kind of idiot, because, you know, he kind of is, and decided to say fuck it and head downstairs.

"LOOK I'M HELPFUL!" Spiderman declared.

"SPIDERMAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"I DUNNO LAWL!" he responded as he pushed over the bookcase in front of him. It toppled over and crashed into another bookcase. A donino effect started, and soon, every bookcase in the room had fallen over, much to the dismay of Rainbow Dash.

"Let's get some fucking pancakes! Lawl." our hero stated.

"Being me is suffering..." Rainbow Dash commented.

Minutes later, the two found themselves inside of the Sugar Cube Corner, both with a towering stack of pancakes in front of them. Shortly after our hero decided to play dominoes with the libraries bookcases, Twilight kicked them out and promised to kick some serious ass if they showed up before Spike came back and cleaned up the mess.

Sucks to be him.

As our hero went to work on his pancakes, Rainbow Dash rose from her seat. "H-hey Spiderman...? I think I'm gonna go." she said.

Our hero paused for a couple seconds. "Lawl k." he responded, before going back to eating his pancakes.

Rainbow Dash smiled slightly before leaving the building. She walked down the street for a block then hung a right, deciding to go through a dark alley that you know shit will go down in for the sake of cutting time.

About halfway through the alley, she heard a noise behind. The librarian turned around, and spotted a faggot sporting an obey snapback standing there. In the shadows were about eight or nine other faggots.

Rainbow Dash did the only sensible thing anyone could do in that situation.

She laughed at them.

"HAHAHA! OH GOD! YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS. DO PONYKIND A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELVES!"

"You can crush me but you can't crush my swag!" a zebra wearing a Bulls snapback said, charging at the librarian.

*BANG*

The swagfag fell to the ground, dead, a bullet wound in his side. His flood started to pool out onto the ground surrounding him.

"YOU CAN'T FLIM FLAM THE ZIM ZAM!" some cried.

From out of the shadows stepped out Spiderman, carrying a 9mm and wearing a George Zimmerman mask.

"A'yo what the-"

*BANG*

"HA! HA! HA!" Spiderman laughed, firing off a shot with each ha. Eventually, all of the swagfags lay on the ground, dead, surrounded by a pool of their own blood.

"Lawl." our hero commented.

"Spiderman?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"I don't give a fuck lawl."

After a few moments, the two made their way out of the alleyway, only to run straight into Rarity and Applejack's big brother, Big Macintosh if our hero remembered correctly. Not like he gave a fuck, of course.

"Oh hai der." our hero greeted.

"Spiderman? Oh it is has simply been too long! How have you been, darling? Everything going okay?" she asked.

"Pimpin' ain't easy." Spiderman answered coolly.

"Ah! And you're with Rainbow Dash. How's the library, sweetie?"

"A bit of a warzone at the moment." she responded, motioning to our hero. Rarity nodded, confirming she got the message.

"Well, it's been nice seeing you two. I'd love to stay and chat, but we got a date. Isn't that right, Big Mac?" she inquired.

"Eeyup." he responded.

"Bye, you two~" the alabaster unicorn sang as she and the giant red stallion walked away.

Rainbow Dash watched them go, her face deforming into a frown. "Lucky her..." she commented.

Before our hero could say anything or do anything retarded, Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder at him. "Hey Spidey...?"

"Lawl what?"

"Thanks, again, really." she said with a smile.

"Lawl no biggie. Because Biggie Smalls is dead. Lawl."

Rainbow Dash smiled, hovering up to our hero and placing a small peck on his nose.

"See you around, superhero~" she said with a bright blush, before flying off at speeds never witnessed before.

Damn.

"It's raining bitches. Lawl." our hero commented.

CHOOSE YOUR PATH, CHOSEN ONE!

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Luna then play some Haylo with her

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong?

()Go to the school dance and teach them how to party, as well as spend time with the one with da booty (SCHOOLHOUSE TIER 3 UNLOCKED)

()Fight in a gladiator tournament with Ms. Cheerilee (CHEERILEE ROUTE UNLOCKED)

()Help Rarity design a kickass new Spidey suit and get sum fuk (FORGOTTEN RARITY ROUTE UNLOCKED; MY BAD)