60’s Era Spiderman swung from high rise to high rise, having finally remembered how to shot web. There were no ponies. There were no dragons chasing him and trying to make a quick meal out of him. No cockblocking super villains. Nothing.

Our hero didn’t particularly care. He was getting laid. Today.

“SPIDERMAN!” Lex Luther (because fuck you, that’s why) called out, “I’M GOING TO BLOW UP THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.”

“I don’t give a fuck. Lawl.” Our hero retorted as he continued to swing through Badly Animated New York City.

Minutes later, he found himself outside Mary Jane’s apartment. After rapping his knuckles on the door, it opened, revealing the red head in some revealing white lingerie, a lit blunt hanging loosely from her fingers.

“Lawl hi.” Spiderman said.

“Hey.” She said, waving our hero inside.

“Sweet.” He commented as he made his way inside.

Our hero made his way over to a nearby couch and sat on it, turning on the TV and switching to House M.D.

Because there are only three good things in this world: Weed, sex, and House.

Mary Jane sat beside our hero, undoing his pants and leaning down slightly. “You’re getting some fuck.” She said.

“Bitchin’.” Our hero said.

Getting a blowjob while watching House? How much better could this get?

“Oh, and there’s some weed and Dr. Pepper on the table. It’s all yours.” The red head said, motioning to the coffee table in front our hero.

Alright, now his life was complete. And nothing could ruin this moment-

“SPIDERMAN!” Fluttershy shouted right in our hero’s ear, “WAKE THE FUCK UP.”

Spiderman groaned. “Fuck off yellow hush. I’m trying get laid.”

“Piss off. Power Rangers are on.” She said, pushing our hero off the couch and hopping onto it, flipping on her TV and changing it to Power Rangers.

“Go go Power Rangers!” the show’s theme blasted from the yellow Pegasus’s surround sound speaker system.

Realizing that it was hopeless and he wouldn’t be able to experience the best dream ever, Spiderman sat beside the diminutive yellow pony. Fluttershy tossed our hero a can of Mountain Dew, which he caught like a boss and popped open.

“That green ranger sure can kick some ass.” Fluttershy commented.

“Lawl yeah.” Our hero responded, finishing off the can in one go.

“So, what’s on the agenda today?” the yellow Pegasus asked after watching several minutes of multi-colored teenagers kicking ass with cheap explosions going off every other second.

“Huffing paint?” Spiderman asked.

“No, we did that yesterday.”

“Oh yeah, lawl.”

After several minutes of thinking, Fluttershy’s head popped up. “Let’s go fuck up Canterlot.”

“Bitchin’.”

As Fluttershy and Spiderman made their way to the front door, Fluffles, whom was sleeping on a mattress beside our hero, poked his head up and looked their way.

“Do you wish for me to join you?” he asked.

“It’s not necessary.” Fluttershy replied.

“Very well then. I shall stay here and watch House.” the raptor replied, hopping onto the couch and turning on the TV.

“It’s not lupus.” our hero said.

“It never is,” the gentlemanly reptile responded with a sigh, “farewell, my friends!”

“Dunna nuna nuna nuna nuna nuna Batman!” Spiderman exclaimed as he raced through the Canterlot mane gates and kicked a random noble as hard as he could in his testicles.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” the noble shouted, falling to the ground and clutching his groin, writhing in pain.

“FUCK YOU I’M BATMAN.” our hero said, kicking the noble in the stomach.

“Um... you’re Spiderman.” Fluttershy reminded our hero.

“Oh yeah lawl.”

“Come on, let’s go fuck with those guards who can’t do anything but just stand there.” Fluttershy said.

The pair made their way towards the palace, our hero kicking a few more nobles in the sack for the hell of it. As they looked up at the palace towering over them, Fluttershy spotted one of the famous Royal Guards, known for their unmatched discipline and being able to stand around for hours on end without moving.

This was going to be fun.

“Come on, Spidey.” Fluttershy prompted.

“Lawl k.” our hero said, pulling a Red Bull out of Fluttershy’s saddlebags and downing it in seconds.

“Sup faggot?” the diminutive yellow pegasus asked the Guard as she walked up to him, our hero in tow.

He didn’t respond.

“Not talking? Your mom didn’t make a lot of noise either, after I killed her and raped her rotting corpse.” Fluttershy said.

The guard blinked, but still didn’t speak.

Fluttershy scratched her chin. “Spiderman, execute maneuver whiskey tango foxtrot six.”

“Go go gadget dick!” Spiderman exclaimed, pulling out his cock and bitch slapping the guard with it.

Still nothing.

“I said six, not eight, Spidey.” Fluttershy said.

“Oh yeah, lawl.” he responded, watching as the yellow pegasus next to him walked next to the guard and lifted up her leg.

The two nodded to each other, before they simultaneously started pissing in the guard’s face.

“OW! FUCK! IT’S IN MY FUCKING EYES! I THINK I’VE GONE BLIND!” the guard finally spoke up, screeching in pain.

“Lawl faggot.” our hero said as they walked away from the guard. Fluttershy turned and ran towards the guard, bucking him in the dick with all her strength and catching up our hero.

“Spiderman, Fluttershy!” a regal voice called out.

The two looked up in the sky to see Princess- wait, no- Empress Luna glide down to them and land beside them.

“Good to see some bros here. Everypony in Canterlot are assholes. I would have them all killed if I didn’t make billions off them.” the empress said, extended her hoof at to the two. They immediately bumped their fist/hoof against it.

“Luna, my nigga, how are you?” Fluttershy asked.

“All is good in the neighborhood, my friend.” Luna responded, “Let’s go get some fucking waffles and catch up.”

“Fuck yeah!” Spiderman proclaimed.

“WE DEMAND WAFFLES!” Empress Luna declared as she, 60’s Era Spiderman, and the Element of Not Giving a Fuck entered the Canterlot Wafflehouse.

The hostess walked up to the empress, shaking like Japan in the 21st Century and looking like she was about to shit herself. “G-good evening, e-empress. C-choose any s-s-seat you want.”

Spiderman walked past the hostess and his companions and approached the table near the center of the room, where a group of nobles were eating.

“What do you want, peasant?” one dared ask our hero.

Spiderman pulled out his cock and aimed it at the group of nobles.

The jaws of the nobles gathered at the table immediately dropped.

“Get out.” our hero prompted.

“We’ll do no such thing!” another noble spoke up.

Our hero cocked his cock. “GTFO!” he shouted.

“Oh shit nigga, I think he’s serious.” the original noble said, prompting him and his companions to abandon their seats and got the fuck out of the Wafflehouse as quickly as possible.

Laughing at the faggy rich ponies, the trio quickly took their seats, Spiderman knocking their dishes onto the floor and folding his hands on the table.

“Good job, Spidey.” Luna complemented.

Spiderman shrugged.

After a few ponies swept away the broken dishes away from the table, shooting our hero dirty looks, a preppy looking pony with a nice flank made her way over to the table. “Hi! I’m Cotton Candy, and I’ll be your waitress today!” she said with a bright smile.

“Waffles, pls.” Luna said.

“Fuck yeah.” Fluttershy said, “Let’s get some waffles up in this bitch.”

“Three orders of waffles coming right up!” the waitress said, turning a 180 and walking away.

“So Spiderman... may I ask you a question?” Luna asked.

“What?”

“...do you not give a fuck, still?” she asked.

Our hero took a deep breath and stared deeply at the empress. “A lot of people ask me... am I afraid of death?”

Luna looked at him with a sort of ‘what the fuck’ face.

“Hell yeah I’m afraid of death. I don’t wanna die yet.” he went on.

“...what does this have to do with anything?” the empress asked Fluttershy. She responded with a shrug.

“A lot of people think that I worship the devil. That I do all types of retarded shit.”

“...but you do.” Fluttershy interjected. Our hero didn’t respond to this.

“Look, I can’t change the way I think. I can’t change the way I am,” he continued, “But if I offended you, good. Because I still don’t give a fuck.”

“...I guess that answers my inquiry.” Luna said. She could tell he was smirking at her under that mask.

Suddenly, the doors of the Wafflehouse flung open, and in crept Fluffles the gentlemanly velociraptor. He looked around and spotted the trio sitting in the center of the restaurant and quickly moonwalked his way over to them.

“Sup?” our hero asked him.

“Well, I was strolling through the streets and spotted that castle in the distance," he said, taking a seat and pointing to the palace out the window, "so I decided to go check it out to see if there were any free maidens around, and I spotted you three making your way into this establishment."

"I GOT YOUR FUCKING WAFFLES! HERP DERP!" a half-retarded stallion announced as slammed a plate with dozens of waffles into the middle of the table. The waitress then set out some plates before the four and walked away.

"Waffles?" the raptor asked, picking up his fork and stabbing the top waffle, before bringing it up to his face and scanning it with his scouter. After curiously sniffing it, he shrugged and took a large bite out of it.

"Not bad," he said, tossing the half-eaten waffle aside (which exploded on impact with the ground off-screen), "what's in it?"

"It's got waffle in them lawl." our hero responded.

"...you fucking liar."

Our hero, his gentlemanly talking velociraptor companion, and the two mares accompanying him sat there shooting the shit and eating waffles all day long. By the time they left, night had already fallen. As much as Spiderman wanted to continue screwing around and kicking rich assholes in the dick, it was getting late.

Luna left that party son after they left the Wafflehouse, and after kicking a few more ponies in the balls, our hero, Fluffles, and Fluttershy made their way back to the yellow pegasus's cottage on the edge of Ponyville.

As Spiderman settled in his bed/couch for the night, he wondered to himself what he would do tomorrow.

That's up for the reader to decide. Sucks to be him.

Choose what our hero will do in the next chapter:

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Troll the everlasting shit out of Rainbow Dash the hot librarian

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Torture Celestia with Luna for teh lulz

()Read the Poop That Took a Pee to the children down at the Ponyville Schoolhouse

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

If you don't get it, check out the author's notes.

Author's Notes:

From now on, what happens in the next chapter will be decided by the readers. At the end of the previous chapter, there will be a series of options for the readers to choose from. A day or two later, the votes will be tallied and I'll use the option chosen to write a new chapter. Each main character has an option available. If a character's option is chosen, his/her option will be replaced by his next option. Once all the character's options are maxed out, the story ending will be released.

Certain choices will also unlock addition story arcs.

Also, this is the end of the first season. Meaning I'm taking a week break. So fill free to vote to your heart's desire.