Psychedelica – Pastel Ponies
A pony story by Joseph Raszagal
As inspired by stuff best kept away from children
Chapter Fifteen – Well, I Can't Say I Was Expecting THAT!

This chapter is in canon with another story of mine, "A Mad Dash Through Time and Space" (featuring pretty sizable spoilers for that story in the form of Jeremy's Cliff Notes). I'd recommend that you read that in order to get this story's complete context, but whatevs, it isn't entirely necessary. You are the master of your own fate, read whatever you please!

Well, about a week had passed since my most recent mental breakdown, which either meant that I was back on the road to recovery or another one was right around the bend.

Less of a joke and more an observation I've made over the years.

At first I was a little afraid that my roaring rampage of apologies to everyone back on the farm was going to be awkward, but to my surprise a hearty round of hugs had put that fear soundly to bed. I spent about four hours out of that day sitting with Gilda under a tree, recounting to her all of the sordid tales I'd told Twilight shortly after taking the leap and leaving the confines of my room.

I told her about the frame of mind I'd been in after finally deciding to end my life, what it was like to think that giving up and giving in was better than soldiering on in spite of the pain. She choked up a bit when I made it to the act itself, setting the proper mood for suicide with music and pulling the noose tight around my neck. It didn't take her long to recover, but the words that followed still brokered no room for argument.

“Never ever do that again, dude,” she said through an unsteady glare as she wiped several lingering tears from her eyes.

Placing a hoof on her shoulder, I replied, “I won't.”

That seemed to satisfy her, though the small smile she gave me still broke my heart all the same.

Guess I can make ponies and griffons cry.

...Dammit.

Trudging down the stairwell, I locked my eyes onto the front door and blearily thought to myself, “It's 7:00 AM and I should still be sawing logs, what the fuck do you want?”

Opening the door, I found myself staring at a prismatic head standing somewhere around chin-level with me. Looking down, the sky blue pony that it was attached to flashed a winning grin and outstretched a hoof.

“Hey there, I hear you've been asking about me,” she stated, her voice scratchy with the still-developing sounds of adolescence. “The name's Rainbow Dash. You're Jeremy, right?”

Caught more than a little off-guard, I pressed my hoof to her own in the standard greeting and replied, “Uh, yeah. On both accounts actually. So you're~ No, no, wait, that doesn't make any sense. You're one of Twilight's friends, aren't you? I was under the impression that you were a little... you know... older. Twi said that you were in charge of the town's weather team and that's not the sort of job they'd just leave to a kid, right? Not to mention defending against shit like world domination?” About five seconds too late, I sputtered and amended, “No offense intended. I, uh, I'm sure you're still very good at stopping supervillains and all that jazz. Heh.”

“No offense taken,” Rainbow Dash replied, shrugging. “I was older a little while ago, but one adventure led to another and, well, it's kinda complicated. Care if I come inside?”

My brain already breaking under the weight of a confused concept like someone having been older than they currently were in the fucking past, I gave my head a vigorous shake to clear it and said, “Sure, why not?”

With that, the winged pony flashed me another grin and strutted inside.

Closing the door behind her, I motioned towards a small reading table near the Science Fiction section and asked, “Would you like some tea or something? You caught me a little earlier than I'm used to, so I think I'm gonna go with coffee myself.”

“Make that two coffees then,” Rainbow responded, sticking her tongue out and shaking her head animatedly. “Can't stand tea.”

“Guessing it's the bitterness?”

“Which brings me to my next request. Tons of cream and sugar!”

Already settling back into my comfort zone despite my guest's aforementioned chronological absurdity, I strode into the kitchen and chuckled, “Great minds think alike. Two cups of java, more sweetener than java, coming right up!”

Five minutes later, I trotted back into the library's main room with a pair of steaming mugs and an assortment of breakfast-style baked goods balanced precariously upon a platter held fast between my teeth. Setting it down, I glanced across the table at my colorful company and caught sight of a laugh as she just barely managed to suppress it.

“See something funny from over there, Slick?”

“Why'd you use your teeth for that? You've got a horn, don't you?”

“Yeeeeeah, about that, I'm still kind of new to the whole magic thing. I tried picking it up with my magic back at the stove, but all that did was nearly knock it all over and get coffee everywhere.”

“Need more practice, huh?”

Taking a sip from my cup and relishing in the heat that settled in my stomach, I replied, “Small items, one at a time, aren't so difficult. I got a lot of practice with Applejack at the farm, catching apples before they could hit the ground and get all bruised and shit. With enough time I should be able to manage the tougher things and, you know, not spill snacks all over the kitchen floor.”

Gulping down some of her own drink, Rainbow questioned, “Have you tried asking Twi for some pointers? She's, like, practically the king of magic... or queen... or princess.” Thumping a hoof against the side of her head, she rolled her eyes and concluded, “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know,” I smirked, poking at one of the treats on the platter before bringing it up to my mouth and taking a nibble. “She does seem to really know what she's talking about, but I can't help but be confused sometimes when she dips a little too far past what I'm able to comprehend, at least at the moment. Advanced magical theory and all that good stuff, it sends my head spinning every time. I think I'd be better off with a 'Magic for Dummies' guidebook or something.”

“Well, at the very least, if it interests you then I'm sure you'll get it down eventually. Twi'll see to that one way or another, trust me. There aren't many who know magic like she does and I'll bet bits to biscuits that she's been waiting for somepony to teach.”

“It is all pretty fascinating,” I admitted, nodding, “even the stuff that I don't understand quite yet.” With a grin, I added, “Give me enough time and I'll be juggling beverages without spilling a drop.”

We sat in silence for a few seconds after that, enjoying our coffee and, for me, more than a few croissants.

And then a piece of buttered toast.

And then a doughnut.

And then another croissant.

Back at home, my mornings usually consisted of Poptarts and tap water, so the change of edible pace had proved to be one of the easiest things for me to adjust to.

“So, couldn't help but to ask what was going on in the life of the most awesome pegasus in Equestria, eh?” Rainbow inquired, breaking the silence with a waggle of her eyebrows.

With a laugh, I shrugged and said, “Whatever gets your ego to sleep at night, hun. How about we leave it at 'I was mildly curious'?”

“Good enough for me,” the pegasus snickered. “G was right, you're a pretty cool guy.”

“Cool, huh?” I mused, rolling my eyes. “Eh, I could get used to that.” Mulling over my newfound status for a second, a thought suddenly occurred to me and I inquired, “So, Gilda asked you to come over hear around the crack of dawn just to tell me your story?”

Wincing, Rainbow Dash gulped down the coffee that she had nearly spat out and said, “Caught me, huh?”

“It would appear so.”

With a sigh, the prismatic pony expounded, “Okay, so yeah, there's more to it than that. G told me that you wanted to meet me, but she kind of had other motivations. She mentioned some things that she learned about you through some weird zebra magic and, well, I think she was worried. She was being really vague, but what I did hear sounded pretty... rough. I think she figured you might benefit from somepony to talk to. I guess she was under the impression that it couldn't be her, seeing as she'd seen it all firsthoof. Dunno how that makes sense though. That'd make her the best to talk to, wouldn't it?”

“Unless I was too afraid to actually talk about it at all and scared of it possibly being brought up by someone who already knew,” I replied with a neutral shrug.

Thumping herself on the forehead with her hoof again, Rainbow muttered, “I'll shut up now.”

“Don't worry about it, it's okay. I've sorted through things since then, even talked to Gilda about it a few days ago. Guessing you didn't get that memo?”

“Guess not,” she retorted, scratching her head in consternation. “Should'a known losing a couple days during that trip to Cloudsdale would come back to bite me on the flank. Well, glad I didn't cross any lines at least... uh, other than dragging you out of bed at sunrise. Heh, my bad.”

“Nah, it's fine. It still hurts to think about it, but hey, I'm not a hermit anymore and that's a good start. Can't go on bellyaching forever, can I? And as for waking me up, I've got some coffee in me now so I'll get over it pretty quick once the caffeine kicks in.”

“Well, while you're waiting for that to happen, hows about I regale you with a tale of awesome proportions?”

“Those are my favorite proportions!” I exclaimed in mock excitement.

“Hardy-har, wiseguy.”

So, your friend has been keeping a secret from you for a long time. A big secret. One of the biggest secrets that an everyday life can lead to keeping.

One day, your friend just can't take bottling it up any longer and they write to you a letter confessing their heart's desire.

It's you.

Immediately thereafter, a demigod from another realm pops out of fucking nowhere and kidnaps them. After engaging in the requisite daring rescue, you cradle your friend in your arms and tell them as they awaken from a magical slumber that the two of you cannot be together... not yet. Your friend sobs and asks why, begging you to change your mind. The sad truth, however, is that you do return their love in full, but that circumstance is about to return you to time in which you couldn't. You see, in order to defeat the rogue god that had stolen them away, you absorbed a great power, the essence of time itself. Not yours to keep, that time will soon be leaving you. Once it is gone, you will be made young again, your clock wound back to the yesteryears of childhood.

Tearfully, you tell your friend... your much-more-than-a-friend, that if they can hold out for just a little bit longer their wish can come true.

They of course assure you that they could wait forever and a day.

BAM, then you change.

…

…

…

Now, these ponies have broken my heart a few times already. Twilight with how she's gone out of her way to help me. Gilda with how she overcame her past failings. Twilight, again, with the unbelievable amount of shit she's had happen to her.

But this... this took the cake.

You know, some people think that they've got some truly painful stories, and really, there's no reason why our almost blandly ordinary John Smiths and Jane Does can't be put through the ringer and made to suffer too, right?

Still, every once in a while we all make the mistake of assuming that our angst is somehow greater and angstier than that of those around us, all without ever really taking the time out of our busy schedules to actually consider that the aforementioned “those around us” might actually lead harder and more challenging lives than we've ever even dreamed of.

You know what I mean.

“Oh no, I stepped in a rain puddle while wearing my good shoes, now my day is ruined!”

“Egad, my favorite shirt is still in the wash, how could anything possibly get any worse?”

“For the love of God, I can't believe they're not playing my favorite song while I'm driving to work! It's such a slow fucking Tuesday, I need something good to come through the speakers to keep me from driving straight into the nearest brick wall!” ...followed of course by a smiley emoticon in a Twitter post that nobody will ever read.

The point being, Christ on a friggin' stick, it's one thing to have a friend stolen from you, and by a psychotic deity at that, but for it to happen right after said friend finally found the strength to lay their heart bare for you?

That's just...

I have no words.

I think I... yeah, I think I'm gonna need a moment.

I sat there staring into my coffee, the drink having long since cooled to room temperature.

I didn't dare look up. If I locked eyes with her, I was going to cry, and I had a strong hunch that pity wasn't something Rainbow Dash often sought comfort in.

“Jeremy,” the pegasus eventually called out.

I continued the staring contest with my cup. I think the cup was winning.

“Jeremy,” she repeated, louder this time.

My tail flicked, but otherwise I didn't budge an inch. KEEP STARING.

Reaching across the table, Rainbow put a hoof beneath my chin and raised it manually.

Cheater...

“Take a chill pill,” she quietly commanded, releasing me a moment later and leaning back into her seat.

Swallowing the knot that had formed in my throat, I did as I was told.

“Okay,” she continued, “you cool?”

Nodding my head slowly, I felt my right eye twitch as I stammered, “C-cooler than the frozen reaches of deep space.”

“Alright, then just bare with me for a minute,” the prismatic pony stated, her smile reassuring, “because I know how all of that must have sounded. But believe me when I say this, it's not all bad. It really is pretty cool being a kid again. I mean, sure, there are times when it gets to me and I... I sort of breakdown knowing that we still have longer to wait. Years to wait.”

I watched as her smile faltered, but only for a second. If I'd have blinked, I would have missed it.

A moment later, though, and it was back in full force.

“But this isn't a chance that many get, is it? It's not like I felt old before, I was a young mare anyway, but it's really fun to have the freedom to just run around and play again. For no reason other than just wanting too, spur of the moment, running outside on a sunny day and playing.”

Taken aback, I turned my suddenly unfocused gaze to the middle distance as Rainbow's words sank in.

Being a child again. No day-job to grind through or any other responsibilities to tie you down, just the promise of fun.

Fun...

After a few seconds of deliberation, I cracked under the pressure of the prismatic pony's infectious grin and said, “I'll admit, that does sound pretty awesome. I'd be outside playing dodgeball every day forever.”

Her smile widening, Rainbow Dash cheered, “Now you're getting it! And Pinkie has to be the best pony on the planet to have around for this kind of second chance.”

“She does seem pretty fun-oriented,” I concurred, remembering well the aura of excitement that the pink pony seemed to radiate at all times. “Can't say I've seen her yet when she wasn't smiling her head off or vibrating with barely-controlled energy.”

“And she doesn't give two bucks about the no dessert before bedtime rule!”

“I'll bet she actively breaks it beyond repair.”

Winking, Rainbow smirked, “You know it.”

After a minute of shared laughter, I had an epiphany; the sort of epiphany that only a big kid could have.

Rainbow Dash, you lucky little pony~

“You know, I might just have something upstairs that'd be great for someone your age,” I said as I rose from my seat and stretched my neck. “A little hand-held game that I played all the time during clas~ I mean, recess at school.”

“Oh?”

“Yep, and you're in luck. Both it and the power chord used to charge it survived the trip here. Wanna take a look?”

“Sure, sounds pretty neat.”

“Me and about a jillion other kids seemed to think so. It's called a Gameboy. While fingers, er, claws might help for some of the harder games, I think I have a couple here that require more strategy than button timing. Pokemon was already a favorite from that category.”

“Pokewhat?” Rainbow Dash asked, tilting her head as she stood to follow me up the stairwell.

“Pokemon. You catch monsters and make them fight each oth~

“You had me sold at the monsters fighting bit,” she interrupted, jabbing me in the shoulder.

Grinning, I laughed, “Pretty much my exact reaction.”

As we reached the door to my room, I outstretched a hoof to turn the knob and a moment later retracted it. Thinking back on our conversation right after I finished preparing our tray of snacks, I instead brought up my focus and lit my horn. After several seconds spent giving myself a migraine, the door clicked and cracked open. Letting out a sigh of relief, I wiped away the sheen of sweat that had formed on my brow.

Turning her head to look me in the eyes, Rainbow Dash said, “That looked like it took a lot.”

“Hey, at least I did it!” I countered, scowling indignantly.

Lifting a hoof in defense, she replied, “I was just commenting. Like you said before, no offense intended, okay? You're totally right, you did do it, and that's a pretty cool feat. And from what I know, all that stuff that G told me, you actually weren't a pony before, right?”

“Well... yeah.”

“Then think about it. We're getting along, having fun, and you're apparently about to give me something pretty nifty. I'm not making fun of you. That would be... uh... what's it called, crass? I'm just sayi~

“You're just saying that it legitimately looked like it took a lot out of me,” I finished, smirking.

Scuffing at the floor with her hoof, Rainbow frowned and said, “Yeah. Look, I'm not an egghead like Twilight. She's... she's good with words and stuff. I'm not so much. I didn't mean to insult you or anything. I'm kind of stupid like tha~

Cutting her off once more, I pressed a hoof to the rainbow pony's lips and firmly stated, “First off, don't call yourself stupid. That's selling yourself pretty fucking short. You've saved the entire world more than once. Besides, only I'm allowed to be a hypocrite and do that. Second off, you parroted me, so now I'm going to parrot you. Calm down and take a chill pill, okay? I get it, you didn't mean any harm.”

With an expression more bashful than any I've seen out of her yet, Rainbow Dash met my eyes and simply said, “Alright.”

“Great!” I exclaimed, throwing the now-cracked door fully open with my decidedly non-magical shoulder. “Now let's find you something more fitting for a filly your age!”

Grimacing, the adolescent pegasus said, “Now you're the one stepping on hooves.”

“Hey, you'll only be angry until you start playing the game.”

“What, is it really that fun?”

“Had me hooked the moment I turned it on.”

Turning to face the pile that made up all that remained of my earthly belongings, I began digging through it in search of the promised conqueror of human children.

Well, human children that lived in first world countries anyway.

…

So sue me, I was privileged.

“Yeah, here, take it,” I said as I finally found the small, plastic rectangle that had dominated a great majority of my childhood.

Holding out a hoof to grasp it... the plausibility of such an action having long since gone ignored by me after doing much the same many times myself, Rainbow eyed the device curiously, almost as though I'd handed her a logic puzzle as opposed to what essentially amounted to a toy.

“This is it? Um... what is it?”

Settling myself into what I'd come to know as “Twilight Mode”, I sat down and explained, “It's a video game. It's powered by a rechargeable battery, something I'm guessing isn't around in this world quite yet. The battery produces the electricity necessary to power the device, which itself allows you to play the game. See that little switch at the top? Click that and it turns on. Try it out.”

With an expectedly dubious expression, the former weathermare did as she was told and turned the Gameboy on.

Her expression immediately thereafter, right as the screen lit up, was one of the most priceless things I have ever seen.

“It's like a tiny TV,” she whispered in quiet awe.

“Wait, you guys have TVs?”

“Huh? What's that supposed to mean? Of course we have TVs.”

Scratching the back of my head in embarrassment, having apparently insulted their technological advancement (c'mon, they've got televisions but no batteries?), I quickly said, “Nothing, nothing. Just... uh... thinking out loud.”

“Thinking about what?” she deadpanned.

“Thinking that...” I stalled, turning to face my giant mound of stuff in search of an escape route. “... that, uh... that, man, am I ever thirsty!”

Rushing over to the first thing that I laid my eyes on, I unburied a partially hidden case of one of the most ludicrous energy drinks ever concocted by the fine men and women back on Earth.

Cocaine Energy Drink.

And yes, I'm aware that, given my history, it was perhaps the single most inappropriate beverage that I could drink outside of maybe actual booze.

Apparently, Rainbow Dash agreed.

“Cocaine!” she squealed, her young voice cracking in an adorable way and immediately earning a fierce blush from its owner.

Cocking my head to the side, I puzzled, “Wait, you guys have real cocaine here too? That's... pretty goddamn disconcerting. Man, I wonder if there's a sleazy pony in the back of a dive bar somewhere snorting it off of a switchblade right now. It'd be, I dunno... sad, hilarious, and honestly, kind of cute all at the same time.”

“Are you even paying attention! Gilda told me all about the stuff you did, remember? You can't drink that!”

Rolling my eyes, I trotted back over to the worried pegasus and plopped down beside her.

Softly, I gave her my most earnest smile and explained, “Settle down, kid, it's just a name, alright? It would be, like, five different kinds of illegal to sell a drink with street-snow in it back where I'm from. It has a Hell of a lot of caffeine and sugar in it, but that's about it.”

Steadily, I watched as the little blue filly slowed down and regained her cool.

Giving the can that I was holding a couple studious glances, she then asked, “Okay, okay, I got a little carried away there, huh?”

“Just a little,” I laughed in reply, still smiling. “Your heart was in the right place though, so thanks for that.”

“No prob.”

“Really, I was only grabbing this to switch topics after insinuating that Equestria hadn't yet invented the television, so I think I'll apologize as well. To be honest, it's still a little too early to dive into one of these. I like the taste, kind of like getting mauled by a bear made entirely out of cinnamon, but still, I've already had some coffee so I think I'll wait a few hours before introducing a whole bag of granulated sugar to my system on top of that.”

“Cinnamon?” Rainbow Dash piqued, her ears perking forward. “I like cinnamon. It's the only way you can make something sweet and spicy at the same time and still make it good... well, unless you're asking Pinkie.”

“Oh?” I questioned back.

“Yeah, she's got a thing for hot sauce on her cupcakes. Still can't handle liquid rainbow though.”

Luckily for me, I managed to suppress my brain's desire to pursue the concept of a fucking liquid rainbow further and instead said, “Well, want to try it? I can't in good conscious give you the whole can, what with how old you are now. Again, no offense, but it really is a lot of sugar.”

“I get the message,” Rainbow replied with a grin, “and sure, I'd like to try some. Already pretty curious.”

With that decision made, I turned my focus back to the can that I was holding and quickly ran into a problem.

No fingers.

…

Well, fuck, how the Hell was I going to open it then? Hadn't thought of that.

Staring long and hard at the beverage for a moment, I eventually decided to give it a go anyway. After all, I've held things with these impossible hooves more than a few times already, so who knows, maybe I'd get lucky. With that in mind, I stuck my tongue out in deep concentration and attempted to get the edge of my hoof under the tab. After failing miserably, I bit down on my tongue and tried again.

And failed again.

Okay then, one more attempt.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand one more failure.

My frustration mounting, I once again switched to my magic and summoned an unstable aura of gray energy around the length of my horn... only to immediately drop that idea seconds later in favor of not potentially having the drink explode violently in my face like some kind of carbonated time bomb.

Left with no other options, I felt a blush burn its way across my cheeks as I cast my eyes down and silently passed the can over to Rainbow Dash.

Smirking, she proceeded to defy all logic as she succeeded where I had repeatedly failed, popping the thing open with her digit-less hoof in one swift motion.

I scowled as she passed it back to me, eying my own hooves and quietly pondering to myself how in God's name I was supposed to learn how to use them in ways that, for all intents and purposes, shouldn't be possible.

“Do all ponies possess some kind of inherent magic or something?” I grumbled.

Looking perplexed, Rainbow answered, “Well, yeah. Pegasi can walk on clouds and earth ponies are all super tough and stuff, like AJ. Then there's unicorns, which kind of goes without saying.”

Shifting my gaze back and forth between the fizzing drink and my present company, I remarked, “Fantastic, so not only do I have to learn all of that complicated horn crap, but also the arcane art of operating shit that should require hands without actually having hands too. And to think, I thought I'd figured that one out already. With my luck there'll be a test on Monday, no notes allowed.”

“Not really sure what you're talking about right there, but whatever,” the colorful pegasus giggled, shaking her head. “Drink time now?”

Heaving a sigh, I breathed in the heavy scent of cinnamon, as well as what was probably ginger... probably, and answered, “Yeah, yeah, drink time now. Here's to ya, kid.”

With a toast, I tipped the can back and was instantly struck by the Greek god, Zeus, as he threw a spicy lightning bolt right into the back of my woefully unsuspecting throat.

Hacking up a storm, I screwed my eyes shut and wheezed out a ragged, “Smoother th-than silk.”

Okay, so maybe pony-me can't handle it quite like human-me could.

Snickering at my incredibly manly display, Rainbow speedily swiped the can from me and... did the exact same thing.

Somewhere deep inside, the evil part of me enjoyed her suffering.

“What's wrong, the toughest, most awesome pegasus in the world can't handle a little energy drink?” I laughed upon finally regaining proper control over my lungs.

“Energy,” she hacked, her eyes bugging out, “is not the word I would use.”

Nodding, I conceded, “The fact that we just slammed it back probably didn't do us any favors either. Here, let me give it another go... a slower, much more careful go.”

More than happy to watch me try again in her place, Rainbow Dash took several steadying breaths before calmly passing the can back to me. Lifting it to my mouth, I decided to start off with the world's smallest ever sip just to make sure that the problem wasn't something inherently pony-related. Immediately, the spicy flavor coated my tongue. This time, however, my inflamed throat remained for the most part unscathed. Rather, I was met with the same enjoyable fizzing sensation that I remembered.

For a reference, imagine a mouthful of pop rocks, Big Red, and just a pinch of slap-to-the-face.

“Ha, I thought so!” I cheered enthusiastically, relishing in the cinnamon kick that had only moments before overpowered me. “See, it's not too much, we were just idiots about it.”

“Kind of sad that you did it first though,” the pegasus smirked. “You're supposed to be used to it, right?”

“Well, yeah, but that's also going off of the assumption that I don't do boneheaded things on a daily basis. You should see me cough after doing a shot. It's not like I don't know that it's going to burn if I take it down too fast, but for whatever reason I do it every single time anyway.”

“Heh, Twi's the same way. She's gotta be one of the smartest ponies I've ever met, but I don't think she'll ever quite get a handle on drinking.”

“Is she a lightweight too?”

“An even bigger one than Fluttershy.”

With a devious grin, I waved a hoof and said, “Right now I'd imagine that you probably have both of them beat in regards to that.”

“Not fair!” she countered, grimacing. “I can't help it if I'm, like, 20 pounds lighter all of a sudden!”

“Besides, children your age really shouldn't be drinking anyway.”

“Oh, you're asking for it.”

“What'cha gonna do, throw a tantrum?”

“Yeah, I'll throw a great big tantrum right into the back of your head, smart guy.”

For all of the effort that she was putting into her frown, the moment that Rainbow and I locked eyes she couldn't help but to join in on my riotous laughter. For the next several minutes we simply passed our Cocaine back and forth, cracking jokes and just generally enjoying each others' company.

Eventually, as the can emptied (a tactical majority on my part), a thought struck me.

“You know, for a while now I've been sort of wondering what I'm going to do with myself once Twilight finally deems me fit for society,” I commented, staring out through the window at the rising sun.

“Being deemed fit for society is overrated,” Rainbow smirked, flicking her mane and striking a victorious pose. “Be a rebel, it's way more fun.”

“But I already tried that! I was the wrong kind of rebel!” I laughed.

“Then... uh... be the right kind?”

“I'll be sure to make a note of that, hun.”

Shaking my head, I grinned and drifted my gaze over to my disorganized pile of odds and ends.

“I've got a few more things here that could be worth salvaging, but I'd actually have to literally salvage them,” I explained. “My television and 360 made it out fine... somehow, but most of the rest got pretty banged-up. I know a thing or two about working on some of it, so with a bit of luck I might be able to save a few things. Who knows, maybe you guys are looking at a few technological advancements in the near future?”

“Without really knowing what it is you're fixing or working on, I get the gist that some of this stuff is pretty advanced?” the prismatic pegasus queried.

“Sort of, but it's all kind of useless entertainment shit,” I replied, standing up and trotting over to the pile. “A lot of it needs to work in conjunction with other things that I don't have here with me. Still, a few years of your smartest pony techies taking it all apart could see that those things get invented too. That's the magic of reverse-engineering.”

Smiling, Rainbow Dash stood to join me and stated, “Then I'd say you've been worrying for nothing.”

“What?” I questioned, confused.

“You said you were wondering what to do with yourself after Twi gives you your clean bill of heath, remember?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, while I didn't get the gist of everything that you just said, it sounds to me like you've already got a good idea on how to put yourself to work,” she said, placing a hoof on my shoulder. “Developing new whatever-they-ares and whatnot, new technology; that all sounds pretty impressive to me.”

“I suppose so,” I responded, a fresh blush steadily creeping across my cheeks.

“And you can do it, right?” the pony teen continued.

“Maybe once I get a grip on this whole 'magic' thing, yeah.”

“Then drop the frown already and be happy!”

Stunned, I turned to face her and stammered, “W-what, just like that?”

With a confident nod, Rainbow Dash answered, “Just like that.”

For an unknown amount of time, my hooves remained glued to the ground as the simple strength of those words gradually grew on me.

Don't be upset, just be happy.

…

My God, have I really been this big a dumbass my entire life?

Pulling me out of my own thoughts before I could scour them much deeper, Rainbow turned her eyes to the brightening horizon as well and announced, “As much as I'd like to watch you reach enlightenment, Pinkie's going to be waking up in an hour or so to open the bakery.”

“Right, right,” I said, clearing my head enough to register that it was time for my company to depart. “Don't forget to take the Gameboy with you. It's yours, yo.”

“But I don't really have anything to give you in return for it,” the pegasus retorted, her expression turning to one of guilt.

Waving such a thought off, I assured her, “Bah, if you get a few good laughs out of it, that's payment enough.”

“But~

“No buts,” I interjected, giving the young pony a noogie for good measure, “just have fun with it, alright?”

Pulling herself away and shaking her mane, Rainbow Dash chuckled, “Alright, alright, but I promise, I'll find a way to pay you back!”

“Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure it'll be fine,” I said with a smile.

What came next, however, wasn't exactly what I'd been expecting.

It seems the word “fine” can be defined very, very differently from person to person.

“No worries, I'll think of something awesome! You're always cooped up in here, maybe I can find you a date or something! That'll drag you out of your dumps for sure!”

And with that, the colorful pegasus trotted out of the room, leaving me all by my lonesome to confront the resulting hurricane of images swirling around inside my head.

A date.

A date with a pony.

Um...

A sudden twinge of pain behind my eyes brought my hoof up to my forehead, a powerful headache no doubt well on its way.

To be continued in Chapter Sixteen – Introducing Prince Shining Armor...

“So, are there any other ways I can pad this chapter out even further?” I asked my computer screen as I sipped my Bloody Mary.

Scowling, Jeremy turned his head away from me and growled, “I'm still not talking to you.”

“Is this about that whole 'Sister Thing' still?” I sighed.

“What the fuck do you think?” he snapped back, pointing an accusing hoof at me. “You already explained in the first goddamn chapter that my life pretty much fell apart after high school, you didn't have to kill her too!”

“Wow, I haven't really noticed it up until now, but you sure swear a lot.”

“What the fuck do you mean you haven't noticed it, you fucking write everything I say!”

Glancing from side to side for a moment, I shrugged and said, “I guess I asked for that, didn't I?”

“Yeah, ya did. Now go on, keep playing the prude and pretending like you don't swear like a sailor too.”

Feeling a cold sweat coming on, I took another sip from my drink and nervously asked, “Would... saying that I'm sorry help any?”

Getting up from his until now completely unmentioned seat, Jeremy strode over to me and placed a hoof on my shoulder.

Calmly and eerily quietly, he answered, “Funny thing about that. Sorry is just a word. Kind of like murder is just a word.”

Gulping, I leaned back and stammered, “How about really, really, really sorry?”

Asdftlkgiueybro Jeremy kills me because I'm an asshole.

It's pretty weird being dead. Hmm... maybe I can go and join the Ghost Wonderbolts.

Joseph Raszagal, up, over, across, around, up again, and away!

Author's Notes:

I've been waiting and waiting and waiting to reintroduce Rainbow Dash to the Equestria B universe, and... I'm still not pleased with the outcome. Dunno why, but it just doesn't feel right with me. She was so pivotal to the plot of “A Mad Dash Through Time and Space” and the way I ended it required a really awkward introduction for her to this story. That, and, all things considered, this chapter could have just as easily been named something as mundane as “Jeremy and Rainbow Dash Hang Out”. I am, however, loving how much I've been abusing Jeremy's pile of random Earth stuff in order to introduce other things. As for how a majority of these things survived the portal... I'm never going to explain that. He got lucky. Really, really lucky.

So yeah, whatever.

In other news, see if you can spot the TV Tropes style Checkov's Gun for future stories! Protip: It's really obvious because I'm really dumb.

Beyond all of that, thanks for reading and look forward to future chapters, everypony! Joseph Raszagal, over and out.