Ch.28

" God damn ponies and their god damn no finger, being short as shit, fucking with me fuckholes." Tom muttered to himself as he walked back to Sweet Apple acres. Well the better term was running from bush to bush to hide from the mob that was chasing him when he FINALLY got out of Celestia's and Luna's evil grasp.

Tom sighed as he reached the entrance to the farm. " Now I can take a leak, get something to eat, and go to god damn sleep. Fuck Twilight and her being able to turn people into ponies. Why am I talking to myself? Am I going nuts?"

" Of course not ."

" Are you sure?"

" Yep, how can such a good looking guy like you be nuts?"

" Good point!"

Tom's spirits lifted as he walked into the empty house, granny Smith was visiting some relatives somewhere for a couple of days. Trotting to the bathroom Tom got up on his back hooves and lifted the toliet seat up. Instead of relief of draining himself Tom was surprised that nothing happened. " Charles, what the fucks going on? Get to work buddy!" Tom looked down between his legs and groaned. " Thats right Charles in a sheath!.... I really need to stop talking to myself." Tom started intently at his dong, willing it to come forth out of itss sheath. Still nothing happened.

" Come on Charles!" Tom whined " I'm going to explode! Wait, are you mad I named you Charles and you're getting your revenge on me? How about I call you Tim or George or Bob?.... Thats the one, Bob, the mares love a dick thats name is Bob! What do ya say buddy?" Still nothing. Tom sighed and tapped his hoof to his chin, thinking. I got it! think about baseball think about baseball Tom thought over again as he got the expected results. " Ya! I di- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" After a 3 minute long piss, Tom walked down the stairs and started going through the cuberts in the kitchen.

" Now where are those candies I got from BonBon the other day?" Tom said to himself as he opened another cubert. Then he remembered, he had hidden them on the top of the fridge so Applebloom wouldn't eat them. When he was human it would of been an easy grab but now it was going to be a challenge. " Fuck my life! Where's that big ass Matt when you need him? No matter" Tom said, his chest puffing out " I got this!"

Grabbing two chairs, 5 books, and a 3 step ladder and putting them all on top of one another Tom was able to reach the top shelf. " Fuck ya!" He cheered, throwing his front hooves up almost knocking him over. Now the only problem was that to open the cubert to get his treats he had to use a nob. " Super pony grabby powers activate!" He said as he tryed to open the door. Nothing happened.

Tom slowly felt a deep, rightous rage built inside him. Eye twitching, he said," There's no word in ent, elvish, orcish, or dwarfish to describe who fucking pissed off I am right now..... Thats it ! This doors opening now!" Tom yelled, seeing red as he hefted a chair, ready to break the cubert open....

" That sure was funny seeing Luna hold Tom like that." Matt said to Aj as they both walked back home. The crowd had spent almost all day looking for Tom so they figured they'd to home to see if he was home yet. When they got to the farm the signs that he was there were in abudence. Windows were broken, a barrel of water was on fire, ramdom stuff was thrown around broken and crashes were coming from the house. The ponies and the human gaked at the sight before Matt remarked.

" How did he set that water on fire?" Applejack sighed.

" We better see what else is broken inside."

Walking inside and into the kitchen they saw Tom repeatily dashing his head on the table. Applejack looked at Matt and said," Sugarcube, can ya fix up the outside while I talk ta the little fella?" Matt nodded and left and Applejack walked over to Tom and slapped him on the flank. Hard.

Yelping, Tom looked around and shook his head,  "Green eyes? what happened?" Aj chuckled. " Ya lose yer marbles for a little while." Nodding his head and Applejack wrapped her hooves around him, putting her head on top of his. " Yep that sounds like me. I don't know how you do it green eyes, being a pony sucks." Applejack giggled, nibblinghis ear. " Come on it ain't that bad!" she said, now whispering. " Now I'ah can show ya how ta really ride a cowmare!"

Tom looked down at Charles and sighed," NOW you want to come out?" Turning to Aj he said," Number one I blow your back out every night perfectly fine thank you. Second I should probably help Clean up."

" No ya don't mister!" Applejack said as he tryed to worm out of her grasp. Letting him go and walking over to some sugar and rubbed it all over herself. " I'ah like it dirty!" Tom's self control got up, kicked him in the balls, told him to fuck off and left the room. Roaring and tackling a giggling Aj he got to work cleaning her up.

" Where are they?" Matt said as he finally got the barrel full of water unfired. He took a step towards the house but he heard a moan. Freezing in midstep he turned around and started to walk into ponyville. " I wonder if Twilight would mind if I stayed with her tonight?..... I probably should tell Mac to stay somewhere tonight too." Matt said as he tried to get away from the screams coming from the house and not succeeding until he was almost in ponyville...... Next Chapter: Ch.29 Bachelor Party Estimated time remaining: 9 Minutes