Gwar felt very frustrated. Over the last year he had finally reached adulthood, and now he was bigger than Drogur, his father, and nearly as big as Borduk, his uncle. Since an early age, his father had taught him how to rule, negotiate, fight and all the other necessary skills for a diamond dog Alpha. Drogur had also taught him a couple of magic words and how to use them in combat, promising to teach him more as soon as he returned to his side. Due to this, Gwar wanted to be by Drogur’s side, learning the arts of war and magic from him as they conquered Gem Fido. Then, when the time was right, he would challenge his uncle and become Beta, in order to eventually succeed his father as Granite Back’s Alpha and Lord.

Instead, he had been sent to Equestria, to convince the diamond dog clans that inhabited it to join pony society. He had started in Canterlot, convincing the two diamond dog clans that lived near it to live among the ponies. Equestrian diamond dogs were often smaller and less aggressive than Gem Fido one. They were rarely lead by an Alpha with alpha blood, so all of them had immediately bowed before the authority his superior strength warranted. After that his silver tongue had only needed a few minutes to explain to them that becoming equestrians would only bring them benefits. He knew that his mission was important: making Gem Fido part of Equestria while Equestria itself was inhabited by hundreds of “savage” diamond dogs was a time bomb waiting to explode. Despite that, he considered himself above the task.

He travelled accompanied by only two Granite Back dogs to protect him in case things went awry, plus whoever was tasked with guiding him to the local dens in every pony town he visited. The Canterlot guide had been alright. He was the lieutenant of the Royal Guard in charge of keeping the domains that surrounded Canterlot in order, so he wasn’t afraid of him like the rest of the ponies he had seen. He had also been cracking jokes since the moment they met.

Now he was in Ponyville, walking towards the only den in the area. He sincerely hoped his next guides would be more like lieutenant Morningstar and less like his current ones. One of them was a unicorn named Rarity, who was also the Element of Generosity. Apparently, she had been captured by the local diamond dogs while she was digging for gems just above their den. She had been forced to work for them until her constant whining became so insufferable that they had released her. Gwar could tell that her politeness was just a mask that barely concealed her disgust towards his race.

His other guide was a baby dragon named Spike, who didn’t even attempt to hide his true colors. Since the moment they had met, Spike had been glaring at Gwar and his bodyguards, obviously expecting them to turn on him and Rarity as soon as he blinked. Gwar knew what racism was: most diamond dogs were racists, considering ponies, griffons and pretty much anything they enslaved as inferiors. However, being on the other side of the coin was a new experience. A frustrating and upsetting one.

“This is the place where I got caught,” Rarity piped up.

“Good, you two move back and stay near my dogs. They will protect you if things get dangerous.”

As soon as he said that, he began to hit the ground with his fists while howling as hard as he could. In less than a minute the diamond dogs began to emerge one by one until they were fifteen. Gwar knew that at least thirty more diamond dogs were waiting underground, ready to attack the moment their Alpha ordered it.

Said Alpha approached him. He was a common diamond dog, with gray fur, green eyes and a red jacket. “Who are you? Why bring whining pony?” he half-barked.

“I am Gwar, son of Drogur the Arcane, Alpha of Granite Back,” he noticed that some dogs’ ears pinned to their heads in an uncontrollable display of nervousness. So they know about what's happening in Gem Fido. Good.

“I am Rover, Alpha of the Everfree clan. Why you here?”

“I have come to make you an offer. You become subjects of Equestria. The lands above your warren will become officially yours, so nopony will be allowed to take your gems away from you. Right now, if you harm a pony the pony soldiers will come and make you all prisoners. You know that well. If you become subjects of Equestria, that won’t change, but ponies won’t fear coming here. They will sell you things you want in exchange for gems. You can buy as much alcohol as you can instead of stealing it when ponies aren’t looking. Buy tools with pony magic that won’t break in a lifetime. You like fighting? You can join the pony army and fight in wars for money and glory. You think ponies trick you and pay less than they should? You can study in their schools, learn their economy and use their knowledge against them. If you are sick, the ponies will heal you in their hospitals. The only thing you need to do, is to accept the Princesses authority.”

The diamond dogs began to talk among themselves, many of them willing to accept Gwar’s offer until Rover raised his fist to make them shut up.

“No. We are diamond dogs. We are not weak soft ponies. We don’t obey ponies. We don’t work for ponies. We live free, and do what we want. You want us leashed.”

“Fool, you are already leashed by your stupidity. What you call freedom is your leash. You can’t leave this place, because ponies will attack you on sight. The neighbouring clans will do the same if you evade the ponies. If you stay and neither ponies nor other clans bother you, the Griffon Pirates will. You won’t even have to obey ponies. Only the princesses. And one of the princesses is the Queen Moon herself. Would you disobey Queen Moon?”

“Hold on.”

Rover approached two other diamond dogs, one larger than him and the other ridiculously short and they began to whisper among themselves. At first, Gwar was confused: why would the Alpha discuss something with his dogs before making a decision? It would only make him seem weaker and make his dogs more eager to challenge him. Drogur had told him that equestrian dogs were different. They didn't follow their laws and traditions in the same way. It was possible that the three of them shared the position of Alpha, or that those two were Betas.

Eventually, Rover turned towards Gwar. “Alright. If it works for Gem Fido dogs, it works for us.”

“That’s it? That’s all the negotiations?” asked Spike from his spot between Rarity and all the diamond dogs.

“Yes,” one of Gwar’s bodyguards answered. “Gwar is stronger and smarter. He has alpha blood. If he says being equestrian is good, then it is good. You ponies call it “might makes right”, I think.”

“That is so primitive and barbaric,” Rarity thought aloud, making the two diamond dogs shrug.

“Power isn’t only important thing,” the bodyguard continued. “Intelligence of words is also important. If Gwar says ‘you have to wear pink dresses all the time’ no dog will listen, even if he is stronger, because it is stupid. Being stronger makes you right when it’s not easy to say who is right. Gwar said why is good to be equestrian, Rover said why it’s no good, if Gwar can’t say why is good to be equestrian then dogs don’t obey, because he is not their Alpha.”

“It’s still a weird way to rule," Spike observed.

“Why say that? You dragon. Dragons do same. Weak dragons obey or they crushed by strong dragons."

"I'm not like those mean guys."

"Rarity," Gwar called. "Lead us back to Ponyville. We are going to formalize this so pony authorities will respect the deal."

For the umpteenth time, Gwar shook his head in disbelief. As soon as they had returned to Ponyville with Rover and his two co-Betas and they had made them sign the required documents, a pink pony named Pinkie Pie had bursted into the Town Hall and invited them to a “Diamond dogs are our friends now” party. His initial reaction had been to refuse, but then he realized that doing so might have made the equestrian diamond dogs doubt his words about how great ponies were. Now, he was sitting on the edge of the dancing floor, drinking non-alcoholic punch with Rover. The Alpha had proven to be an amusing partner, as living near the Everfree Forest meant he had a great deal of stories about encounters with the monsters that inhabited it. Even though Equestria was a much safer land than Gem Fido, the Everfree was the habitat of creatures that were dangerous even by Gem Fido standards, such as manticores and hydras. They were arguing about who would win in a fight between an hydra and a dragon when the local princess, Twilight Sparkle, approached them.

“Ah, Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Gwar greeted her with a bow. “It is an honour to meet you at last. After meeting Queen Moon and Princess Cadance and Princess Celestia, I was looking forward to meeting you.”

“You must be Gwar,” she assumed, to which Gwar quickly nodded. “The honor is mine. And I assume you are the Alpha Rover.”

“You are a princess?” Rover asked, scratching his head. “I remember you. You dig into my house, fight my dogs and take whini- Rarity with you. You weren’t a princess then. I didn’t know normal ponies could become princesses?”

“It is a long story. I know we… Have gotten off to a bad start, but I hope we can forget that episode and become friends for the good of our people.”

“No bad blood, princess. We took your friend so she finds gems, you fought to recover her. It’s in the past.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” she replied, smiling as she levitated a cup of punch for herself. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. The party is very good. Lots of sugar and new music. Getting sugar is very hard for us, and our music is always the same songs.”

“Well, I’m sure the Cakes will be more than happy to sell you are the sweets you want. Now, I must apologize, Alpha Rover, but I would like to have a few words with Gwar in private.”

“Good. Maybe I talk to whi- Rarity. Now we pay her so she finds gems without whining.”

“Good luck with that,” Gwar said, seriously doubting the stuck-up unicorn would ever agree to work with diamond dogs. “Lead the way, princess.”

Gwar was seriously considering suicide. He could easily slit his throat with his diamond-cutting claws, and his death would be swift. His main concern was if he would be able to also kill Twilight for the torture she was putting him through, or if she would be fast enough to stop him with his magic, also preventing him from killing himself. For an entire hour, she had been hammering him with the most inane questions a rational mind could conceive. He got the point of some of the questions about their history and lifestyle, but… Why would it matter to ANYONE the average levels of humidity of diamond dog dwellings, and how could she expect him to know something like that?

At first he had suspected that the stupid questions had a hidden depth, and that she was gathering information from what he didn’t say or what she could deduce of seemingly unrelated questions. His father had warned him about such tactics, about how ponies could use their superior intelligence to outmaneuver even the smartest diamond dog. After the first twenty minutes, he was certain that this was not the case. The youngest princess of Equestria seemed to have an eerie interest in knowledge, no matter how useful it was. At least she’s almost done. He thought as she reached the end of the painfully long scroll she had been reading her questions from. That’s when she levitated yet another scroll to her side, longer than the current one.

That’s it, I can’t take this anymore. “Princess. I apologize for interrupting, but I refuse to answer any more of the questions. I travelled today from Canterlot to Ponyville by pegasi carriage, even though I am afraid of heights like many other diamond dogs. I had to face an entire diamond dog den with only two bodyguards that could have only postponed my violent death if negotiations had gone awry. What I want now is either to drop dead on a bed or drink and have fun. Answering your questions about even the most circumstantial aspect of my species is not what I had in mind for tonight.”

“Oh, Celestia. I am so sorry,” she apologised, blushing. “Nopony has ever had a chance to interview an alpha-breed diamond dog in nearly two hundred years, so I got carried away.”

“Is there anything important you wish to discuss, or am I allowed to leave, princess?”

“Actually, there is something. So far, there have been next to no problems between equestrian diamond dogs and ponies. However, most of these ponies are military who are too busy fighting to care about who sleeps next door, or crystal ponies who come from a time when working with diamond dogs was normal. I fear that ponies and diamond dogs will clash violently a few years after the Gem Fido war is over. Our species are very different, and both societies frown upon those who are different. I shared this concern with both Celestia and your father, and they have agreed to take measures to help our people learn to love and tolerate each other.”

“So what does all of this have to do with me?”

“Your mission is to bring the diamond dogs of Equestria into society. However, the reasons you have given them so far could be summarized as ‘join the ponies, they will give you stuff. Also, you will probably die if you don’t.’ This has worked for now, but it causes a terrible first impression which could kick us in the future. You must convince them of the fact that living with us is not the lesser of two evils, it’s something good that they should look forward to. In addition, you will most likely succeed your father as Alpha and Lord… That’s also something that should be discussed soon. Alpha is a title earned by combat, while Lord is hereditary. An individual being both a the same-”

“Abridged version, please.”

“Right. Sorry. Since you will probably become the next Lord of Granite Back and all the neighbouring territories, your actions will influence the views of many individuals. It is imperative that you always remember this, because your actions and words could either lead us to prosperity or to a civil war.”

“What you say makes sense. I will be more careful from now on.”

“I’m glad you agree.”

“Now, is that all you wanted from me?”

“Well… I still have these questions,” she commented, pointing at the Second Scroll of Eternal Damnation and Boredom.

“I think I will pass. Good night, princess Twilight Sparkle.”

Holy Moon this has been by a wide margin the worst meeting with a princess I have had so far. Princess Luna was as powerful and beautiful as the Moon itself. Celestia was so imposing and wise that you couldn’t resist the urge to kneel as if she was your Alpha and she was baring her teeth at you. Cadance was a lot of fun and considers us equal to ponies without hesitation, unlike most non-crystal ponies. But THIS pony! No fun, no greatness, no nothing! Just endless questions and a monologue about friendship!

“Are you going to bed?” Twilight asked, interrupting Gwar’s thoughts.

“That was my plan, yes.”

“Maybe you should consider returning to the party. I estimate it is late enough for the foals to have gone to sleep and for Pinkie to have replaced the punch and soda with booze. Also, it would be rude not to bid farewell to the local diamond dogs, wouldn’t it?”

She lured me back to the party with the promise of booze so I would do the right thing and see Rover off? Alright, it’s official. Twilight is the worst princess.