Ruby Sharp was easily conquered after the Alpha’s defeat. In less than two days, the army was moving towards the next den: Gemstone. Luna had returned to Canterlot to resume her royal duties the same day they left Ruby Sharp, making Havoc the most powerful fighter around. Due to this, he had risen to a very high position, even though he was technically just a recruit still. They had given him his own tent with a bed large enough to hold him, which was something most soldiers couldn’t say. A week after that, Havoc was sleeping in the tent they had assigned to him alone when a sudden noise woke him up. Confused, he opened his eyes and could only see a pony-sized shape clumsily approach him. The intruder got into Havoc’s bed - as he was too dumbfounded to react- and whispered in his ear.

“Did you miss me, horsefucker?” Screwball asked.

The effect on Havoc was immediate. In the blink of an eye, he had teleported to the other corner of the tent and was aiming at her with his black axe. “What the fuck are you doing here?! Discord said you wouldn’t attack me ever again!” he hissed.

“Don’t be silly, I haven’t come to fight you,” she replied as she lighted the tent’s oil lamps. “I am here because daddy wants somepony to keep an eye on you. Just in case Disharmony tries to use you against us.”

“Obviously, you had to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me this, instead of waiting until tomorrow.”

“As a matter of fact, I had to. Nopony else must know I am here. I’m telling you because you would have detected my magic if I had tried to spy you.”

“So you are going to watch me all day, everyday from now on. That is just fantastic. Fantastic!” Snorting, he walked back to his bed, pushed Screwball out of it and got into it. “Well, are you going to let me sleep alone, or do you also have to spend all night staring at me?”

Screwball jumped back on the bed. “I think I’m going to sleep right here, next to you, so I can feel Disharmony’s presence if she tries to contact you.”

‘This is so much bullshit. She almost killed me twice, and now I have to share my already-small-for-me-alone bed with her! There must be something I can do to get away from this...’

Three weeks later, when they arrived at Gemstone, Havoc had yet to come up with a way to get rid of Screwball. At first he had considered simply telling Shining Armor about her, but Screwball quickly warned him that Discord could and would make him regret it. The other ideas he thought about were so stupid and impractical that they don’t deserve the reader’s time.

Even though Screwball was supposed to be on Havoc’s side now, he sometimes felt as if they were still enemies. She enjoyed mocking him, appearing when no one else could see her only to wave at him or show him her tongue, and he always found her in his bed when he went to sleep. She also liked to eat most of his food, save for the meat he was given from time to time, because “needed to eat like everypony” and “couldn’t survive on magic alone like a draconequus”. This caught Havoc’s curiosity, as he had assumed that Screwball was a draconequus minor created by Discord, so he questioned her about it. He desisted after the fifth time she made her hoof turn into a human and flipped him the bird. The same answer was given when he asked her why Discord didn’t want anyone to know about her. Eventually, he decided to stop fighting her and try to get used to her presence. If you can't beat them, join them.

Once the army arrived at Gemstone, they found that the Dominion army was already camped next to the diamond dog fortress. Shining Armor imparted very strict orders regarding how to treat the griffon army to avoid an unwanted fight, and tension could be cut with a knife. Two days of sending messages back and forth later, Shining Armor and the griffon leader decided to meet in neutral ground. Since the Gemstone dogs could decide to ambush them during negotiations, both sides would bring enough warriors to ensure their safety. Drogur suggested Havoc to turn into diamond dog and act as part of his guard, so they would have an ace up their sleeve.

At midday, the two groups met in the middle of the snow-covered field as their respective armies eyed each other. Shining Armor, Drogur and Attila escorted by twelve crystal ponies led by Emerald Sword and ten diamond dogs commanded by Drogur’s brother, Borduk the Beta. The Dominion army’s leader was a griffon that Havoc instantly recognised. He had brown hair and white feathers like most griffons, with some red feathers around his blue eyes. One of his wings had been replaced with some sort of steampunk robotic wing, and he also wore a polychromatic armor made with the scales of many different dragons. He was followed by twenty griffons, one of them a female that Havoc would have sworn was Gilda. ‘The clone Screwball made was not enough, now I have to deal with the real one. Fuck my life.’

“We meet again, Griffon,” Shining Armor grunted.

“Sup, Shiny? I don’t know your friends.”

“This is Drogur the Arcane, lord of Granite Back, Sapphire Pit and Copper Depth, protector of Ebony Fang and Marble Heart; and this is Attila Sarois, Lord of Yellow Topaz and protector of Sharp Ruby and Twin Opals.”

“Hi dudes, I’m Lord Griffon, warchief of the Dominion. These are my advisors, Lady Gilda and Lady Catastrophie.”

‘Oh, she actually IS Gilda.’

For the next forty minutes, Havoc’s mind went far, far away as the discussion progressed. He was wondering how well would his two apprentices be doing back in Trottingham when Griffon punched the ground, gaining his attention.

“Alright! Since we can’t reach an agreement, we’ll settle this with a duel! Pick your champion, if he beats me you can take Gemstone! If I win, you pack your things and let us do our thing!”

“Deal. I choose Havoc as my champion,” Shining replied. “Havoc, step forward and reveal yourself.”

Havoc did as he was told, making some griffons rear back and unsheath their weapons.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Griffon asked. “Discord’s disowned son?”

“I’m the one who’s going to turn you into Kentucky Fried Chicken, dude.”

Griffon’s eyes opened wide for a moment when he realized that Havoc was a human, but he soon replaced his surprised expression for a confident smirk. “We’ll see about that. Let’s get this over with right now.”

“Shining, one question before the fight starts,” Havoc said. “Will I get in trouble if I kill him during the fight?”

“Will he, Griffon?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell my guys that one of us could die and that I don’t want vendettas. They’ll understand, they’re awesome like that.”

“Great. However, if things get too rough, the security word is bananas.”

“Pffft, alright."

Without further ado, Griffon grabbed the humongous black dragon scale he used as a sword, while Havoc pulled out his hammer.

“You shouldn’t have stated that you are a human so clearly, dude. Forma versus,” Griffon said, and Havoc felt a weird wave of magic wash over him.

The hammer suddenly became too heavy for him, so Havoc had to drop it; only then did he realize that he was way smaller than before, and that his hands had become human hands.

“Oh my gosh did you just turn me back into human?” he asked, bewildered.

“Yep, I would surrender if I were you. You can’t beat me like that.”

“Oh come on!” Shining Armor snapped. “This is so unfair!”

“Wow, I had forgotten how easy it is to think with a human brain…” Havoc mused, and then his eyes opened wide. “Oh, shit!”

He opened his mouth and let out a bloodcurdling scream as a golden aura surrounded him. Griffon tried to hit him with the hilt of his sword, but the aura acted as a barrier that protected Havoc. Meanwhile, his human body began to change. He grew larger, and some of his body parts began to morph into something else. In less than twenty seconds, the transformation ended and he stopped screaming. Now, he looked like he was the offspring of his draconequus form and his human form after several hours of homosexual mating. It was a rather disgusting abomination that I would rather not describe in detail.

“What the fuck are you?!” Griffon asked. “I have never seen this happen to any other human!”

“The chaos magic… Your spell turned me human, but the magic remained in me. A human body isn’t chaotic enough to contain that much energy, so it draconequified me so all of it would fit in my body.” Snapping his grotesque half human, half diamond dog fingers, Havoc made a mirror appear in front of him. “Holy shit how am I going to get any ladies now? Hey, my eyes look just like Screwball’s now.”

“You know what? I’m not going to fight you while you look like that. You are creepy as hell, mate. Let’s turn you back: reverti.”

Havoc immediately turned back into his default draconequus form and recovered his hammer from the ground.

“Hold on a second,” Drogur said, making the two fighters look at him, expectantly. “When you first came to Granite Back you were a human, turned into a draconequus, turned into a diamond dog?”

“... Yes?”

“Are there more layers that I should know about? Are you actually a pony turned into a human, too?”

“Don’t worry, you just saw the bottom layer. Now, can I fight this guy who made me go through a terribly painful transformation?”

“Not yet,” he said, then he pulled a pencil and a sheet of paper from a pocket in his jacket. “Griffon is using magic words, might as well write all of them down for later. Now, please continue. I would like this to end before tea time.”

Griffon flew towards Havoc, swinging his weapon in a wide arc from left to right. Havoc crouched so the weapon would pass above him and breathed fire on Griffon’s exposed chest. The dragonscale armor protected him, but he was pushed back by the flames, giving Havoc time to start a vertical swing of his hammer. Griffon stepped to his left to dodge the blow, but Havoc used his magic to temporarily tweak the laws of physics, cancelling the weapon’s momentum so he could swing it to the side faster than it should be possible. This attack caught Griffon unprepared, impacting directly against his ribcage.

“Dafuq you just did?” he asked, flying back as he grimaced in pain. “Yeah, right, draconequus. Shit won’t make sense. Got it.”

A miniature jet fighter appeared in Havoc’s hand, and he aimed it at Griffon. The fighter’s heat seeking missiles propelled themselves and chased Griffon, who flew away as fast as he could.

“Ignis!” he shouted, creating a fireball behind him which lured the missiles, making them explode.

Havoc teleported right in front of Griffon while he was distracted by the explosion and clotheslined him. Dazed, Griffon crashed on the ground ten meters below, but he got back on his legs in time to block a blow from Havoc’s hammer with his sword. Havoc applied force and tripled his own size, trying to crush Griffon under his weight, but Griffon pecked his diamond dog arm, making it release the hammer. Then, he pushed to the side hard enough for Havoc’s wooden arm to lose grasp on the hammer. Disarmed, Havoc couldn’t protect himself from a vertical slash from Griffon’s sword, which left a wide open wound on his belly.

Blood sprayed from Havoc’s wound, but as soon as it landed on Griffon it turned into all manners of spiders, some of them larger and more hideous than any existing species on Earth or Equis.

Paralyzed by fear, Griffon curled into a ball as Havoc healed the wound. “Not real. Chaos illusions. They are chaos illusions. Not real. Not real.” Then one of the spiders bit him. “NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. IGNIS!”

Powerful flames covered Griffon for a brief moment, until he shouted “extinguo” and they disappeared. “I hate-”

His phrase was cut short when Havoc swung his recovered hammer against him, his mechanical wing acting as a shield that protected his head but was heavily damaged by the attack. “You are pretty much fucked now,” Havoc taunted as he flew up and began to throw lightning spears. “How’s it feeeeeeeeeeeel Griff? To be a flightless ~bitch~?” Sadly, Havoc’s aim was so shitty that none of them landed on Griffon.

“Condense Vento!” Griffon began as he began to beat his wings, the mechanical one still managing to clumsily imitate the real one. Even though he didn’t take off, a powerful wind surrounded him, and Havoc saw some sort of distortion in front of Griffon. “Clepto Ignis! Perfectum Circus! Claustra! Reverti!”

The distortion had grown into a sphere of air hotter and heavier than most fireballs. “RAMEX!”

A huge cone of scorching air moved towards Havoc’s area, too large and fast to avoid. He teleported outside the area before the heat damaged him badly, and only then did he realize that something had pierced his torso with enough speed to make a hole that an adult pony could fit inside without crouching. Scared, he snapped his fingers to make five pony xenomorphs appear around Griffon and attack him while he used his magic to heal the grievous wound and turn back to his normal size.

By the time his wound closed, Griffon had dealt with four of the xenomorphs, so Havoc joined the last one and they attacked him together. Griffon quickly beheaded the xenomorph and then focused on Havoc, who realized that Griffon was a much, much better swordsman. Even with his chaos magic making him grow two extra arms that wielded swords, Havoc couldn’t harm Griffon, who used the words “accelero” and “fortis” to make himself several times faster and stronger.

When Griffon’s sword cut clean Havoc’s frog leg, he decided to try instantly ending the fight. Using a lot of his magic to penetrate the dragonscale armor, he turned Griffon’s bones into glass, so several of them broke when he attempted to attack again. Griffon immediately fell and began to cry in pain as the impact broke even more of his bones.

“Surrender, Griffon,” Havoc suggested as his leg grew again. “You are just a griffon with a bit of magic, I am out of your league.”

“Concordia,” Griffon spat as he managed to take a marble-sized diamond filled with magic from one of his pockets. As the diamond lost its magic, Havoc felt his own magic disappear, reducing it to critical levels.

“Medico,” said Griffon, and he got up fully recovered. “Out of your league? Bitch, please, you talk like a stereotypical bad guy. I just spent on you a diamond with all the magic five unicorns could gather in a week, let’s see how much you have left now. BANKAI!”

When he said that word, a blinding light surrounded him for a few seconds. When it disappeared, his enormous sword had been replaced by a black katana. “Jiheishō no saishū-bin,” Griffon said in terrible Japanese. But it isn’t like Havoc would have noticed, anyways.

“No,” Havoc said. “No fucking way that glorified dragon scale was a zanpakuto. Where’s the trick? I demand an explanation right now.”

“Alright, a friend gifted Jiheishō no saishū-bin to me. It was back in a sealed chest in my ship. Bankai is the security word to swap my weapons from the chest to my hands. It was a bitch to set up that spell in Latin.”

Havoc briefly noticed that the sword had something engraved on the blade: 自閉症の最終便. “So you are going to fight me with your wordsword?”

“Wordsword?”

“It’s a sword, and it was words on it. Wordsword.”

“For fuck’s sake, Havoc,” Griffon complained, facepalming. “How am I supposed to take Jiheishō no saishū-bin seriously ever again?”

“Yep, now that you can’t take it seriously, you might as well surrender.”

“Nope. Lacero!”

Griffon’s wordsword began to make a buzzing noise, which was caused by it being so sharp that it could cut air with the slightest of movements, such as the effect of Griffon’s heartbeats on his grip. Griffon rushed towards Havoc and swung his sword in a diagonal arc from his upper right to his lower left. Havoc tried to block with his hammer, but the enhanced sword cut through the dragonbone as if it was butter, and continued until it cut Havoc in two halves. Griffon continued slashing, and in a matter of seconds Havoc was a severed head atop a pile of his own butchered body.

“Bananas! Bananas!” Havoc shouted magically, since he had no lungs. “I surrender! ... Shit! I don’t have enough magic to heal! FUCK YOU I’M GOING TO DIE THE MOMENT I SPEND THE LAST OF IT!”

Drogur suddenly sprinted towards Griffon and gave him a deep, passionate kiss. The sheer amount of randomness of that action gave Havoc the extra burst of chaos energy he needed to reassemble his body and survive.

“Thank you so much, Alpha Drogur,” he managed to say. “That was so close…”

“... Wat,” was all Griffon said.

“Do not bring me flowers, Griffon. Havoc feeds on the chaos that surrounds him, what I did was the only thing chaotic enough to save him,” Drogur explained after he wiped his tongue with his paws.

After several more “wats” and “dafuqs”, Griffon remembered that he had won, so he ordered his griffons to return to the camp and prepare for an assault on Gemstone after threatening to pluck anyone who dared to mention what they had seen. Then, Shining Armor approached Havoc, who was hugging a very uncomfortable Drogur while crying in gratitude.

“Havoc, cut the crap and listen to me. We’ll probably have to fight with the Dominion again over who takes control of the next den we reach at the same time. From now on, you will no longer lazy around. You will train and come up with tactics to defeat Griffon. We can’t afford to lose all the dens they arrive at just because none of us can defeat him, and Luna can’t help us against him due to his especial circumstances. Understood?”

“Crystal clear,” Havoc replied, releasing Drogur from the awkward embrace and turning serious. “I need to rest and recover from the fight. I’ll start training tomorrow. Have one of our griffon volunteers show up by my tent after breakfast, I’ll need him.”

“I’m glad you are taking this seriously. I will provide everything you think you need to improve your chances of defeating Griffon. Now, let’s get back to the camp. We are going to take advantage of the time they will waste on Gemstone to reach the next den before they do.”

Havoc was laying on his bed, feeding on the chaos caused by the army. Shining Armor had ordered to raise the camp as soon as he arrived, so the thousands of soldiers who were ready to fight had to take off their armors as fast as they could and start packing things up. When the army learned that his defeat was the reason why they wouldn’t conquer Gemstone, their scorn became a large and constant source of chaos energy. According to Shining Armor, it would be two hours before they were ready to leave. Since one of his privileges was having his tent set up and taken down by servants, he had told them to start with the others so he could recover from his injuries. “They don’t need to know that I instantly healed the moment Drogur went full homo on Griffon”.

He had been expecting Screwball to show up, so he was surprised when a female griffon walked into his tent, instead. “What do you… Hold on, you are Griffon’s advisor, Catastrophe!” he exclaimed. “What do you want?”

“It’s Catastrophie, you fucking idiot. I’m here because, after seeing what you can do, I would greatly enjoy having sex with you.”

“... What.”

Catastrophie laughed. “Griffon reacted just like you. A shame he won’t have anyone other than Gilda.” She climbed to Havoc’s bed and began to sensually rub him with her body while her claw slowly moved towards his crotch.

When it reached it, her sly smile turned into a frown. “What the fuck, you have nothing down there!”

It was Havoc’s turn to laugh. “This body is asexual. Luckily for both of us,” he added. “I’m a resourceful man.”

He changed into his teen dragon form and grabbed Catastrophie. “You are crazy for coming here just to fuck, and the rational part of me screams that fucking you is the stupidest thing I could ever do. Then again, chaos, insanity and stupidity often come together.”

Catastrophie’s grin returned, but just before Havoc went down on her they were both startled by the sound of a very powerful air horn. The sound had the effect of making both of them jump out of the bed and look around in alert. “What the fuck was that?!” asked Catastrophie. “If this is a prank of yours I swear I’m going to destroy you harder than Griffon did!”

A purple spiral appeared before Catastrophie, quickly rotating as it grew larger and larger. Soon, Catastrophie was hypnotised by it, and Screwball’s voice came from the spiral. “Return to your tent, and when you wake up you will have forgotten you came here and you will decide that having sex with a draconequus is not worth the time and effort.”

Catastrophie dumbly nodded and walked away as the spiral grew and became Screwball.

“Good job cockbloking me, cunt,” Havoc complained as he returned to his original form. “Do you have any idea just how hard it is to get pussy when you look like this?”

“Watching over you is boring, you wouldn’t have passed such an opportunity to mess with somepony, either. And don’t play the ‘I’m hideous’ card on me, you can shapeshift into anything you want. DO you have any idea just to hard is to get dick when you have these eyes? And no, I can’t shapeshift them so they look normal.”

“Well, sucks to be… Eyes! When Griffon turned me human and the chaos magic made me turn into something midway between this and a human my eyes were just like yours… Holy fucking shit you are not a draconequus minor, you are a pony with chaos magic.”

“Ugh, yes I am a pony. I thought you already knew. I mean, the hooves, cutie mark and snout are pretty distinctive.”

“So THAT’S why you still need to eat like the rest of ponies. And your draconequus form is like mine when the chaos magic changed my human form. Hm… How come you can stay as a pony? I couldn’t change back to human, the chaos magic wouldn’t let me.”

Screwball sighed. “I don’t know. You humans come from a world without magic, maybe human bodies can’t hold any chaos magic so the moment you have a little bit you transform. I can’t stay as a pony when I take too much chaos magic, either.”

“Screwball… Were you an earth pony that turned into this? Or do you belong to a completely different pony race?”

“What’s it to you? You have been asking me questions about my life nonstop since I appeared,” she complained. “‘Are you from Canterlot?’ ‘Can you eat meat when you aren’t in your pony form?’ ‘What did you do after leaving Ponyville?’ Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“I just thought that we are going to be together for a long time. Since I was unable to make you leave, I would rather have fun with a friend than deal with an ex-enemy. That’s why I’m trying to reach out to you.”

Her irritation turned into genuine confusion. “Are you serious? I tried to kill you twice!”

“I am serious, Screwball. Yes, we were enemies. Yes, you almost killed me. Yes, I spent several days trying to get rid of you at first, but now we are on the same side. Hating each other won’t take us anywhere, but I think we could be great friends if we give it a try. What do you say?”

Screwball stared at him for several seconds before replying. “I am from Canterlot, I can’t eat meat without getting sick, I moved to Canterlot after turning you into stone and I was an earth pony before I gained chaos powers. The reason why you can’t reveal my existence is because Celestia and Luna don’t know ponies like me exist, and daddy doesn’t want to tell them yet. He said that, if he could befriend Fluttershy, I could and should make friends too; so I’m going to take your offer. You better have best friend material or I’ll make you regret wasting my time.”

“Screwball, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”