Two ponies approached Trottingham’s castle early in the morning. The castle was the biggest building in Trottingham, and it was located in the center of the town. Built on a hill, it had three levels, each one surrounded by a wall and communicated with the lower one by a bridge that could be raised anytime. The bottom level had an open space for tournaments to be held and a couple of buildings, one of them being the Town Hall. The middle level was filled with buildings for the use of the inhabitants of the castle, such as the kitchens and the great hall. The top level was where the knights and the Lord of Trottingham lived with their families.

The guard at the gatehouse took a good look at the two ponies. One was a unicorn stallion, his coat was brown and his dark mane was short. His cutie mark was an open chest filled with golden coins, and his eyes had uncommon orange irises. The other was an earth pony mare, with a pink coat and a darker pink curly mane. Her cutie mark was three balloons, and she was wearing a silver necklace with a yellow gem.

“Halt,” the guard said. “State your name and business.”

“My name is Golden Shower,” the unicorn explained. “She is my niece, Diane. We want to buy a house, and we’ve been told that we’ve to come here.”

“Go to the first building to your left, the castle’s staff will show you where to go next.”

Two weeks had passed since Diane and Havoc found and released Turmoil. During that time, both had learned many things about each other and about themselves while they travelled. Flying out of the Everfree Forest had taken them two days, but after they crossed it they were forced to continue walking, as a draconequus or a dragon flying while carrying a pony wouldn’t be unnoticed. This had allowed Havoc to create his Golden Shower alter ego and both of them had had plenty of time to adopt their roles as uncle and niece with naturality.

Each night, Diane had told Havoc more of Pinkie’s memories, and he had done the same with his newfound memories of his human life. He had also explained her why staying with him could be dangerous, and that if she ever wanted to part ways with him he would gladly leave for her benefit.

“I love you like I loved my little sister,” he had said. “Your happiness is the most important thing for me, and I will do anything for you.”

This had helped them grow closer to each other, and Diane’s personality had slowly changed from childish to playful, a subtle change but an important one. She seemed to be determined to prove herself that, despite being born as an exact copy of Pinkie Pie, she was her own pony. Because of this, every morning she brushed her mane so it wouldn’t be the same as Pinkie’s.
Sometimes, the fact that everything she knew had been lived by -and belonged to- another pony, including her family and friends, was too much for her to handle. When that happened, she would cry herself into sleep, and Havoc could only hope that the wound in her heart would heal over time. A dark part of him also wondered if letting Twilight send her back to the Mirror Pool while she was too ‘new’ to develop real thoughts would have been better than saving her, but he quickly forced himself to think of something else.

However, not everything had been bonding and overcoming inner demons. They had also spent time mastering their abilities. Havoc had learned how to make a chaos domain, and his ability to sense magic had improved. Diane, on the other hand, had learned how to use the charmed necklace so she could wear it without endangering the lives of everypony in a five kilometers radius.

‘Golden Shower’ and Diane crossed the bridge and entered the castle. A young stallion met both of them when they reached the first building, and led them to a waiting room where they sat until they would be called. When Havoc began to fear that he would go mad due to the chaos thirst if he was forced to wait much longer, their names were called and they passed to a large office, where a pony with bat wings was sorting papers. He was very similar to the batponies who accompanied Princess Luna in Nightmare Night, but his coat was a dark blue instead of dark grey.

“Golden Shower and Diane?” the batpony asked as soon as he was done with the papers. “My name is Bruce Mayne, I am the sheriff of Trottingham. We’ve had an increase in thievery as of late, so I like to meet the newcomers in person. I’ll ask you a few questions and then you will be able to buy a house and move to it.”

His name is Bruce Mayne, and he is a batpony. At least this isn't Gotham City... The only way this could be even more retarded would be if the thievery was caused by Robin Hood... More like Robin Hoof or something like that.

For the course of fifteen minutes, Bruce asked them all sorts of questions. They told him their tear-inducing, completely fake story of how they were rock farmers living next to the Volcano Wastes, and how they were the only survivors of a dragon attack that destroyed everything they owned. He asked many questions to see if their story was fake, such as specific dates, names and locations, until he was convinced that they weren’t lying.

“I have one last question,” he finally said. “How do you intend to pay for the house you want to acquire? You said that you lost everything, and you can’t make a rock farm in the courtyard.”

“Financial advising,” Havoc explained. “Good advising can make a household on the verge of poverty regain financial security and stop losing money.”

“So you tell ponies what to do with their bits,” the sheriff said, with a bit of skepticism. “And they pay you for that.”

“My chest isn’t empty, is it?” Havoc asked, pointing at his cutie mark.

“Hm... And you?” he asked at Diane.

“I am a party planner,” she said. “But that is more of a profitable hobby than a poorly paid job. I am a baker.”

“Alright, this is what’s going to happen. You two are going to find and buy a house, and if you miss a single payment, even if it’s for only a day, you’ll have to stay in this castle working for me until you repay your debts, both to the city and to any bank which may have given you a loan, with interests. Is that clear?”

“Crystal clear,” Havoc said.

Bruce Mayne told them where to go next, and from that moment they only had to follow the monotonous and sometimes stupid steps that were mandatory when dealing with the government. During that time, Havoc tried to obtain as much information about the city as he could from the ponies he talked to. He learned that there was in fact a pegasus named Robin Hoof hiding in the forest that surrounded the city and leading a band of thieves, and that the sheriff they had just met had been promoted to his current position barely a year ago by Lord Jocksley on his deathbed.

The sun was about to set when Diane and Havoc were done with the formalities and they were given the keys to their new house. The had settled for a middle priced house, big enough for both of them and Havoc’s workplace, and located near the busiest streets of the town so it would be seen by potential customers. The house had been occupied by an old couple who had recently passed on. All of their children had moved out of town, so the house had fallen into the city’s hooves. Havoc was, once again, surprised by the naivety of ponies. The first banker he had visited had given him a loan so he would have money to afford the costs that settling on Trottingham would suppose, without even mentioning endorsements. He had just said that his name was Golden Shower and that he needed money to buy a house, and they had given it to him without a second thought.

The house was very similar to the surrounding ones, and to Ponyville’s houses, as it was timber-framed and with thatched roofs. “Scratch anything bad I said about Equestria, this place is awesome,” Havoc said as he opened the door to their house and motioned for Diane to enter. “Do you want to come inside?”

“You are not Rainbow Dash, but whatever,” Diane replied before she trotted in. “Uh oh,” she muttered with worry after she crossed the doorframe.

“What is it?” Havoc said, and as soon as he came in he was hit by a burst of confetti.

“Surprise!” Diane said, as she turned on the lights of the house and revealed that everything was covered with balloons and other party decorations.

“Diane, how in Hell did you do this?” Havoc asked, laughing. “You have been with me the whole day!”

“You really thought I spent thirty minutes in the toilet?” Diane asked. “You know nothing, Golden Shower.”

Yet another reference. Havoc thought as he closed the door and changed back to draconequus. Neither he nor Diane understood why she said things like that, ‘do it, faggot’, ‘lolwut’ or ‘I used to be an X like you, then I took an arrow in the knee”. He guessed that her comic relief powers allowed her to do and say things that only he would get, as he couldn’t come up with any other explanation. Hold on a second...

“Wait, you went to the toilet before we were shown the houses we could buy!” Havoc said, baffled.

“I’m the same as Pinkie Pie, don’t try to apply logic at me,” she explained, and then she sneezed. “Hm... I should have cleaned the place when I broke in instead of filling it with balloons and danglers.”

“We can do that later, and this has been hilarious. I suggest that we take a look around the house, and afterwards we go have dinner outside, how does that sound?”

Diane nodded with enthusiasm. They took their time watching each room, talking about what they should put on each one and such things. The ground floor had a kitchen, two empty rooms and a toilet; while the first floor had a bathroom and three empty rooms.

“Diane, I have a question,” said Havoc when they reached the toilet. “How do you ponies use the toilet? I mean, how do you sit on it?”

“I am sitting on the potty, doing my best to go,” Diane began to sing.

“No God!” Havoc shrieked.

“I am sitting on the potty, being patient ever so.”

“No God please no! No! No! Noooooooooooooooooooooo!”

“I can feel my body tell me I should sit and wait, cause if I get up now and come back, it will surely be too late!” she finished, and then she realized that Havoc was curled in a ball and shivering. “Alright, stop being traumatised and look at how it’s done.”

After Havoc learned how ponies sat on their toilets and they looked at the remaining rooms, the draconequus transformed back into Golden Shower. Then, they went out to have dinner in the first place they could find. They soon found a small restaurant named “The Happy Gourmet”, and when they entered they noticed that they were the only customers. Havoc thought that the only reason for a restaurant to be empty must be that the service was awful. However, they were both famished and tired, so none of them suggested to find another place. They discovered why they were the only customers as soon as they were given the menus: everything was insanely expensive. During their travel, Diane had explained to Havoc the value of Equestria’s currency, the bit, and how much he was supposed to pay for most things, and it was clear that the restaurant’s prices were too high.

“Well, what do you want, Diane?” Golden Shower asked when the waitress arrived to take their order.

“I’ll have ratatouille and cider,” Diane answered.

“Me, I want spaghetti and cider,” Golden Shower told the waitress.

The food arrived very soon and it was delicious, which was to be expected on an empty restaurant. The cider wasn’t alcoholic, a fact that greatly annoyed Havoc, but the spaghetti were delectable, despite the lack of meat. However, the speed and quality wasn’t up to the price. This business is going to crash soon, so I will become popular if I save it.

“Excuse me, miss,” Havoc said to the waitress after paying. “I would like to talk to the owner of this place. Is he or she around?”

“Of course,” the earth pony mare replied. “Please wait here while I go and get him.”

The owner of the restaurant arrived, in all of his obese glory. Havoc had never seen a fat pony before, but he was sure that this earth pony was morbidly obese. Instead of a double chin, the stallion had a pentachin. His belly was so large that it would touch the ground if his legs were a bit shorter. He was like a pony that swallowed a fat pony who had previously swallowed another pony. Sweat rolled down his face, getting lost between layers of fat. What those sweat drops discovered in those valleys of flab is a tale not known to the sane mind. Some say they found Nirvana, others claim they discovered dinosaurs, the most eccentric believe that they discovered a three years old grilled cheese sandwich. Their tale...is not being told today. As the lumbering mountain of pony flesh walked towards the table, Havoc could swear he heard the floor cracking under the hooves of the beast. He couldn’t help but gulp, as he was certain that this pony could gobble him and Diane up if he felt like it. The white coat of the pony and dark brown mane made him resemble the largest ice cream with chocolate syrup in the world. His cutie mark was a pizza that missed a slice.

“Good evening!” the grotesquely fat pony boomed. “My name is Butterball. I am the owner and chef of The Happy Gourmet. How may I help you?”

“Mister Butterball, my name is Golden Shower. I can’t help but notice that your restaurant is empty. I know little about restaurants, but I do know about money, and this business can’t be profitable if nopony comes to eat. I think I can help you save your restaurant.”

Butterball squinted at the unicorn. “Is that so?”

Golden Shower told Butterball the same story he had told the sheriff Bruce Mayne earlier that day about the rock farm and the dragon attack. He explained how he would never be successful if ponies didn't trust him with their bits, and that the best thing he could do to earn their trust was to prove that he was reliable and skilled.

"Because of all of this," Golden Shower concluded. "I will offer you my services for free for being my first customer."

“What do you think, Moonlight Strudel?” Butterball asked the waitress, who shrugged.

“Whatever he does, it can’t be worse than this,” she replied.

Butterball shrugged. “I guess you are right. I accept your offer, Golden Shower. When do we begin?”

Golden Shower explained what he would do and what he needed from Butterball, and after that they all talked about more trivial matters. Butterball and Moonlight Strudel talked long about the main reason behind their high prices. Since Bruce Mayne rose to power, he had demanded more and more money from the citizens of the city, sometimes even resorting to confiscation when ponies couldn’t pay what he required. Butterball had increased the prices accordingly to the increase in how much he had to pay for each meal he cooked, losing his customers, who were as constricted by the new taxes and costs as he was.

It was past midnight when Diane and Havoc returned to their house. As soon as Havoc closed the door behind him they simultaneously realized that the house they had just acquired that same morning was the closest thing they had to a home.

“Home, sweet home,” Havoc muttered as his transformation broke.

“It’s missing something...” Diane said to herself.

“Furniture?”

“No. Well, yes, but that wasn’t what I had in mind. What we need is to have a house party!”

“Oh Hell yes, a party is what we need to meet new ponies and have fun. You take care of that, I think I’m going to be very busy the next days. There’s still a lot I need to learn about Equestria’s economy.”

Diane yawned. “We can do all of that tomorrow. Let’s go to sleep.”

“Yeah, I’m going to set up a chaos domain in my room before that. Being Golden Shower for so many hours drains my magic reserves.”

Havoc’s room was soon filled with dancing wallets, flying comics and teleporting transvestite beavers. Then, he made a huge marshmallow appear in the middle of the room and, using a pickaxe, he gave it the shape of a bed big enough for him.

“Give me a second and I’ll make another bed for you.”

“Why? That marshmallow is big enough for the two of us.”

Havoc shrugged and they both hopped on the bed, falling asleep seconds after they landed.