Author's Note:

I'm writing in a new style of how to address things, like how I tell you guys what the setting, characters, and time are! Let me know if you like this one or would you rather keep the old one.

Ponyville
The Crew, Rainbow Dash
Wednesday, 9:30 AM

"But Dreeeeww!" Rainbow was questioning my logic again, never a smart idea.

"Rainbow, I love you, but I'm not having sex with you. Not for a while at least. Besides, we just got married a few weeks ago." I plainly stated, she let out a defeated sigh.

"At least tell me why?" She gave me those puppy dog eyes, it was like Kryptonite to me.

"One: I'm not ready for inter-species sex, Two: we just got married just recently, and Three: I don't know how it'll turn out in the end." I labeled the reasons why on my fingers, she just sighed in defeat. The Crew and I were giggling, not even knowing why Rainbow brought it up in the first place, we just thought it was a funny topic to think about. And if you're wondering, I'm not a virgin, Angela kinda raped me, but it's not rape if you like it, right? I then made my way to the basement of our house, going into the storage room. I put a fairly big cardboard box there, it was big enough to carry at least two fillies worth of stuff. The stuff that was in the box was our supply of Tic-Tacs, the medicine that's pretty much miracles in a white pill. Tic-Tacs didn't really have a taste to it, because it was a capsule type of pill.

I then took my leisurely stroll down the park, the birds were whistling, the squirrels are squirrely, and Twilight was shooting a beam of light at me. Wait, oh god no.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" I tried to dodge that beam of light, but to no avail, and my face was now covered in black soot. Fuck it, I just can't seem to get a break, Rainbow on my ass about having sex, Twilight shooting beams at me, and I don't even know what Pinkie's up to. I just want to play my pokemon on my handheld, I can't believe pokemon has been existent for 10 generations though, and they're still going strong.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Drew! I was trying out a new spell with Spike and it completely missed! It was meant to give Dragon's a beard." She looked truly sorry, I chuckled like I was about to lose it. I think I was going to need a vacation, but the thing is, where would I go?
You could go to my new resort on the moon. Who was that, and why are you in my head?
It's Princess Luna, I'm trying out a new spell Tia taught me. Great, now they can read my mind, I better keep my personal moments locked up.
Aww, now why would you do that? You look so cute as a baby! Oh god, Luna get out of my head. I swear I'm going to open up my Dead Space memories on you, now get out of my head! I didn't think Princess knew what Dead Space was, and I was glad for that.
Oh goodness! The HORROR and GORE! Ha, serves you right Princess! I hope Princess Celestia wouldn't do the same on me. I took the Moon Resort into consideration, I think I'll take the guys with me as well, maybe not I don't know for sure, but a Moon Resort? I wonder if Princess was staying there for a thousand years during her time on the moon, I then took a brochure out of nowhere and started looking at it. Jeez, this has everything, an arcade, huge rooms, even a zero-G park in the courtyard!

"Oh fuck yes!" I could care less about cussing anymore, the ponies around town were used to it now. I then put on my Advanced Suit, and went to the moon, by my own spell. I then walked up to the doorpony and greeted him, I walked inside of the resort and looked around. Princess Luna looked like she was so bored she built a resort on the moon, or at least that's what it says in the description. I then saw Princess Luna walk over to me, I don't think she was happy with me showing her my memories of Dead Space.

"Hey Princess, how're you this fine day on the moon?" I chuckled, she was still staring daggers at me, if looks could kill she would've been able to kill Discord singlehoofedly.

"Look Luna, you got what was coming to you. To be honest, a person's mind is like the bathroom, tons of privacy, and you can't go in without knocking." I was trying to be metaphorical again, she understood.

"I'm sorry about going into your mind, do you forgive me?" She was all teary eyed, curse these ponies and their cuteness.

"Yes, how can I stay mad at my mom?" I tried to be funny, but she wasn't amused. It was true though, I could've been blood related to the princesses after all. She wasn't really my mom of course, but if she and her sister were related to me, they would be my great, great, great, great, aunts.

The Crew / Nick's PoV

Great, just great, Drew was sent to the moon, now who am I going to mess with while he's gone? I looked over to Rainbow, who was taking a nap on the couch. Jhon was out on a date with Twilight, I couldn't do anything with him out of respect. Everypony was doing something today, so I couldn't do anything, but I thought of something I could do.

Prank Princess Celestia.

This was such a stupid idea, I knew about the memes that were made based on her ability to troll. It was worth a try though, and it would be funny.

"Hello ma'am, do you mind?" She was just sitting on her royal thrown, bored, and nothing to do. She gestured to an unused chair to the right.

"Now what is it that you need?" She raised an eyebrow, I just chuckled as I tried to speak.

"Well, I was wondering..." I think she could read minds, I had no clue.

"No, you have no chance with dating one of the Mane Six." Well, she was pretty straight forward.

"Well, at first I thought you had a chance with Twilight, until Jhon came along and swept her off of her hooves." I trolled back, she blushed hard. Well, I think this had escalated quickly, she threw a nearby cake from the dessert table at me, I dodged it as I threw some pudding back at her.

"Shiny come in, we got a code 8 in the court. Repeat, we got a food fight in the day court." I hope he responds back, because food fights are no joke.

"Copy that, E.T.A. Ten seconds." Was he that close by? In that case good, because Princess Celestia is cheating again, she is making the actual dessert table chase me by making it move with her magic. Shiny then showed up out of nowhere fired the food cannon at the Princess, which was kind of funny because it was full of bananas. She then rose the white flag, the cannon hit her with great force and knocked the wind out of her. I then high-hoofed Shining Armor as we helped Princess Celestia up, we were all laughing from it too.

"I must say Nick, your food fighting skills are formidable." She cleaned herself off, I turned into a unicorn and did so as well. The Princess told me that Luna and Drew are on vacation, so he went to Luna's moon resort, he always wanted to do the Neil Armstrong impression he's been waiting to use. I then bowed my head to the Princess to thank her for the compliment.

"It took years of Elementary School to master the art of food fighting Princess." I was held back a few times, because I always started food fights in the cafeteria, and to be honest I always won. She then giggled as she left the court, leaving me alone again. I then checked the time, it was like 9:30 PM, no wonder she left the room. Princess Luna then replaced Celestia on the thrown, I guess Drew was still on the moon.

"Drew will be back momentarily." She stated, I nodded as I sat down criss-cross, like a Native American in front of her. She then tilted her head like a confused dog, staring intently at me.

"Why are you sitting like that?" She asked, I just chuckled as I told her that it was comfortable. Drew then appeared out of nowhere in a bright light.

"Ahh, Drew, you're back. How was your stay at the Lunar Resort?" Luna asked, Drew nodded, meaning that he loved it. He was still in his Advanced Suit too, so he looked weird compared to me, I was just wearing my cargo shorts and a sleeveless tee, like a person in the ghetto. I wasn't sagging though, if you're wondering, I don't like it when I have to pull up my pants all the time.

We both went home, I still had a beard made of chocolate frosting on my face, but I was too lazy to lick it off and was going to get Pinkie to do it. And trust me, if she'll lick frosting off of the floor, she'll lick it off of my chin too. Drew and I were both tired, we had to practically hold each other up until we got home, Drew managed to get to bed with Rainbow's help, and I already collapsed on the couch. I then popped a Tic-Tac in my mouth to reduce the soreness in my legs, Princess Celestia made me haul ass running away from the dessert cart, and I haven't done any conditioning today so I was sore like a motherfucker.

I also opened up a beer and chugged it down, Tic-Tac pills don't mix with the alcohol luckily, so it was safe. I then drugged myself into going to sleep, I couldn't because of the insomnia out of fear of Celestia drawing a marker mustache while I was asleep.