The Wizard of Whitetail Woods IV
Transmogrification
Admiral Biscuit

KitKat was a pony who valued her beauty sleep, and as such, loud screams in the middle of the night were a thing that KitKat generally did not enjoy.

This time, those screams—really, shrieks—didn’t bother her so much. She set the mirror back down and admired her hoofiwork—well, technically the Wizard’s, since he’d been the one to cast the spell which was currently affecting him.

No longer was he a gangly shambling human with bad breath and a robe that didn’t cover nearly enough; instead he’d accidentally turned himself into a unicorn.

“Well, this is awkward for you,” KitKat said. “Thinking about your unicorn conquest, were you?”

“Huh?” The wizard blinked, then looked at himself. “Oh my God!” He blinked again, then immediately went into a blind panic and attempted to gallop off, while still shouting “Oh my God!”

She was kind of sympathetic to his poor leg control; she knew full well that changing from quadrupedal to bipedal took a bit of adjustment and the reverse would obviously be true. Balance, leg motions, tail—it was complicated, not the thing anypony would want to work out half-asleep in the middle of the night.

With, as she’d noticed before his transformation, a raging erection and all the thoughts she imagined went with one. There were myriad reasons why an innie was better than an outie, and the Wizard had done nothing thus far to change her opinion on the matter.

He tripped over his own hooves, crashed into the nightstand, and knocked himself out.

Nearly simultaneously, a loud hoof-rap rattled the shared wall. “Oi! Keep it down in there, some ponies are trying to sleep!”

“Sorry,” KitKat shouted back, then went to make sure the Wizard was still breathing.

He was, so she tossed a blanket over him and went back to her own bed to get at least some sleep.

Morning came, as it usually did. In the sun’s new light, KitKat was still a pony, was still in her bed at the hotel, and once she risked poking her head over the edge of her mattress discovered that the Wizard was still laid out on the floor, breathing normally if the gentle rise and fall of the blanket she’d tossed over him was any indication.

She hadn’t paid that much attention to his antics last night: it had been dark and things had happened very quickly, but now she was curious.

She hopped out of bed and nosed the blanket back, checking out the Wizard’s backside. It turned out transforming had granted him a cutie mark; unfortunately, it was of his wrinkly dick. It had also turned him into a mare, which to her mind was also an improvement. Mares smelled better, that was a fact. Also they didn’t have dicks.

“Could have been worse,” she opined. His disco stick looked better as an image on fur, anyway. Plus, if he ever needed bits, with a cutie mark like that stallions would assume and those with the taste for the exotic might pay generously.

She used the toilet and brushed her teeth, and was in the process of combing her tail when he finally awakened. She watched him struggle to get up, attempting various combinations of leg positions until he found one that worked for him.

“Go slow,” she advised. “It takes some getting used to.”

“Shut up.” He stumbled across the hotel room and caromed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

A moment later, an anguished scream. “Where’s my dick?”

KitKat got up and moved to the bathroom door. There was no sense in being too loud this early in the morning; other ponies were trying to sleep in. “It’s on your flanks.”

“Oh.” A pause, long enough for him to look and see, then: “How am I supposed to piss?”

“Lift your tail out of the way, it’s really not difficult to figure out.”

“Like, with my hooves? I can’t—” she heard a thud as he fell down. “Ouch.”

“With your tail muscles.”

“My what now? Oh shit, that wasn’t, I didn’t . . . uh, how do I make it stop?”

KitKat rolled her eyes and got out her foal’s first lockpick kit and set work on the bathroom door.

By the time she got into the bathroom, the Wizard was in the shower, attempting to turn the knobs on with his forehooves. “You know,” she muttered, “it comes out in one direction. Were you trying to do a cartwheel or what?”

“Just shut up and help me with these shower knobs, I don’t have my jimmy any more and can’t cast spells.”

“You could try and cast them with your clit,” she suggested, leaning into the tub to turn the water on. “Although most stallions don’t know how to find it. Once you get yourself washed off, go experiment. Believe me, it’s edifying.”

Some time later, with the Wizard freshly washed and the bathroom clean, with the entire supply of towels befouled, the Wizard shifted around on his bed trying to find a position which was both comfortable and which also let him cross his currently nonexistent arms or otherwise show his displeasure.

He almost managed, but the soft mattress betrayed him and he tumbled over on his back, forelegs waving comically as he tried and failed to stop his fall.

Next, he got his hooves tangled in the comforter, speared one of his pillows on his horn, and finally managed to right himself amidst a gentle goose down snowfall.

“You still look worked up,” KitKat said. “Guessing in your alone time in the bathroom you didn’t find your magic jellybean.”

The wizard glowered at her. “You didn’t tell me I was a unicorn.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re a unicorn.”

“Figured it out when I was trying to perch my ass up on the vanity to see.”

“How did you not notice when you looked up?”

“I don’t know, I was stressed out okay? This is all very confusing. I hurt my ear when I slapped it because it moved and I thought it was a mosquito or something, I can’t get my tail to work, and it’s almost impossible to walk.”

“It’s way easier to walk,” KitKat told him. “You just suck at it. Now come on, if we want to get a chance at the good food at the continental breakfast, we need to get down to the lobby. Sometimes they’ve got muffins that don’t come in a plastic wrapper.”

This is still a thing?

Why is this still a thing?

Why did you click on this?