Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 80
Previous Chapter Next ChapterLily Glamerspear
Suggested background music: Bill Elm & Woody Jackson - 'The Shootist', from 'Red Dead Redemption' [2010]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz8JdBidRqs
Specialist Lily Glamerspear, VIP bodyguard to the Royal Engineer of Equestria. Formerly, Gunner first class, 86th Honorable Artillery Company, 79th Anti-Air-Unit Brigade, first platoon, section A.
Inducted into the Order of the Ram at the rank of Centurion, Lily wore the Silver Ram, and her Changeling Invasion campaign medal was decorated with the 'Mentioned in Dispatches' silver oak leaf. She even had the gold 'Excellence-in-Competition' marksponeship badge!
But right now, Lily Glamerspear felt like a shaved-mane recruit fresh into horseshoe camp with no idea how to handle herself or her horn -- because for almost three full laps of the Royal Eastern Cottage’s one-mile racetrack, she had completely and utterly failed to hit her target.
As the Royal Engineer's steam-powered dogcart rounded the home turn of the triangular track, with Lily sitting in the back seat, she took aim once more at her infuriatingly elusive target. Sparkshower floated menacingly above and behind the unicorn, kitted out not just in her full bronze plate, but with a lancer's kite shield strapped to each of her forelegs as well for extra defensive safety. As Honour straightened the cart back up again, the armored pegasus turned in for another mock strafing attack run.
Lily lined her up in her sights and waited another moment for Artemis to roll through.
"Shot-shot-shot!"
With a chuka-chuka-chuka noise, Glamerspear sent three glittering green, blunt-tipped spears up at her armored comrade. But all three of them missed, passing a yard or two ahead of her actual position.
‘Damn it!’
"Strike!" Passing overhead, the pegasus declared yet another successful mock attack on the car.
"Hrrrrggg!" Lily grumbled to no-one in particular as she prepared for another go.
Up front, the Royal Engineer's armor clattered slightly as he turned around in his seat. "Is there a problem, Specialist?"
Lily replied through gritted teeth. "No problem, sir! Just getting my bearings in this carriage!"
This time, Sparkshower went for a frontal attack, swinging around to cross the car's path in a figure-eight. Lily spun around in her seat and, trying to compensate for the sway and bounce of the dogcart, took aim.
"Shot-shot-shot!"
Another three spears head out, and those same three went flying past Sparkshower, barely brushing against her tail.
"Strike!"
‘GUH!’
‘What is going ON?!’
It wasn’t as if Sparkshower was dodging -- far from it: she was simply doing standard diagonal attack runs, barely varying her altitude at all! The only way she could be an easier target was if she flew straight and level beside them!
‘Why the buck can’t I seem to slap a spear into her flank?!’
Still twisted around in his seat, Anonymous lifted an eyebrow beneath the grim 'T'-shaped cutout of his blackened-bronze helmet. "Steady, Specialist."
The unicorn snapped back at him as Sparkshower lined up for an opposite-side frontal sweep. "Yes, sir."
With a barely-visible smile underneath that helmet, he continued to distract Lily from her job. "Don't fight the carriage. Take your time. Watch your sight. Lead your target. And above all, relax!"
Oh, great. Not only was she flunking Gunnery 101, she had her VIP giving front-seat lessons.
Lily growled back at him. "I am taking my time, sir, and I am watching my sights, sir, and I am pulling lead, sir."
Honour took her eyes off the road for a moment to turn around and glare angrily at her. Duly chastised for venting her frustrations at their VIP, Lily gulped and tried to soften her voice.
It wasn’t easy.
"... And I am relaxed, sir."
Sparkshower rolled through and began her run.
"Shot-shot-shot!"
Three more misses, and again the pegasus zoomed by overhead.
"Strike!"
"Damn it!" Lily angrily slapped a forehoof against her helmet's lens button, hoping that a change of magnification or optical filters would alleviate the problem.
Sighing, her annoying VIP piped up again. "Specialist, I--"
Lily was not in the mood to argue with her commanding officer right now.
"I'm on it, sir! Just give me time to get this figured out!"
‘How the buck am I always missing Sparkshower?’
As Lily’s battle-buddy took her time swinging around and setting up for another run, the flustered unicorn tried to mentally analyze the situation so far -- a pattern of miss after miss after miss. Sparkshower wasn’t dodging, so it must be Lily’s aim -- but she wasn’t consistently either over-leading or under-leading her target. In fact, now that Lily thought about it, whenever Artemis attacked from the front, her rounds went short, and whenever the pegasus came from the rear, they went long.
‘Hmmm…’
In front, the Royal Engineer had lifted up his helmet, hooked his arm over the back of his seat, and leaned over even closer towards her.
"Specialist."
‘Guh, there goes my train of thought!’
"Sir, I'm working on it!"
Shaking his head, he held his left hand straight up high, the pre-arranged signal for Sparkshower to hold off on attacking. This she duly did, veering off and entering a holding pattern.
‘No avoiding him, now.’
Lily clasped her forehooves together pleadingly. "Sir, I just need more practice -- please, let Specialist Sparkshower resume her attacks."
"I will in a moment. Just listen to me for a second, okay?"
Lily sighed in defeat. "Yes, sir."
It seemed he was determined to give her a lecture as they trundle along in that bouncing contraption-carriage of his.
"Glamerspear, you're pulling lead based on Sparkshower's position, distance, and angle of attack, yes?"
‘Yep, it's welcome-back-to-Gunnery-101 time.’
Lily had aced the buck out of that class, and she had no interest in repeating it again.
Substituting her frustration for exhaustion, she answered him. "Yes, sir, I am."
Anonymous nodded. "Okay, but what about the car?"
In an instant, exhaustion turned to confusion. "The car, sir?"
He nodded again. "The car. We're moving, Specialist; doing almost sixty kilometers per hour, by my reckoning. And that forward speed gets added to whatever you shoot out."
With his free arm, he pointed forward, then angled it up as if indicating an airborne target. "You've got to include the car's motion in whatever deflection calculation you're doing."
Lily furrowed her brow and went over the shots in her mind's eye.
‘The car?’
‘The car.’
‘The car!!’
‘That was what was going wrong!’
Seeing the look of realization on her face, Anonymous continued. "I know you shoot at moving targets all the time, but have you ever shot from a moving platform? A train or a regular carriage, for example? Or maybe even a boat?"
Lily shook her head. "No, sir..."
‘Wait a moment, though!’
"... But boat gunnery... I remember that. I've had a little training in firing anti-ship projectiles. Those fly slowly enough that we have to take into account not just the other boat, but our own as well."
Lily squinted and tried to think back to PAIT, her post-'shoe-camp Pony Advanced Individual Training. The Royal Guard preferred to have multi-purpose unicorns, so anti-air gunners got some basic instruction in ground fire, bombardment, and ship-to-ship combat. There was something about extra deflection based on angle relative to direction of motion...
It was coming back to her. "... The same principles should apply..."
‘That's it! That's what I need!’
Lily nodded enthusiastically at the Royal Engineer. "... Okay, sir! I remember! Let Sparkshower come at us again, please?"
He looked a bit skeptical, and Lily had to curl her eyebrows up pleadingly with that last request.
Ultimately, he acquisced. "Okay. Let's wait until we're around this turn. Sharply now, Corporal! Hit the apex and keep our speed up!"
As he lowered his hold-arm, Honour cranked the tiller to the left and the car turned in to the right.
Eagle-eyed Sparkshower had already spotted the end to the pause, and began to overtake for another attack run. This time, Lily was not letting her pretty bronze plate emerge unscathed! Using the reticle in her visor to adjust the deflection for her angle relative to the car's motion, she fired off another burst.
"Shot-shot-shot!"
CLANG CLONG CLUNK
"I'm hit!"
"... Splash!"
Three hits! One on the shield, another in the helmet, and the third right in the peytral.
Up front, Anonymous pulled his helmet back down over his face. "There you go, Specialist! See if you can do it again!"
This time her answer was enthusiastic and prideful, instead of glum and snippy. "Yes, sir! Come on back and get some more, Sparks!"
True to form, Lily’s naive battle-buddy called out over her shoulder even as she turned. "Okay, I will!"
‘How the buck does she even hear anything in that heavy bronze box her head is stuck in?’
‘Whatever, time for another pass.’
This time, Lily was really going to let her have it - no more pissy little three-round sounding bursts. Time for a full barrage! Just of training missiles, of course, but she deserved it -- she’d boasted beforehoof that she could take whatever Lily could dish out.
The obliviously proud pegasus came around again for another run.
"Weapons hot!"
When Lily saw the sun glint off Artemis’ bascinet helmet in her reticle, she knew it was time.
"... Burst!"
CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA-CHUKA
Twelve satisfying spear launches were quickly followed by ten metallic thunks as all but two of the rounds crashed into her target. Sparkshower thrashed about with her forelegs, swatting away several of the spears with her shields as the rest bounced off her armor.
"Hee-hee! That tickles! You got me again, Lily! Good job!"
"Yeah, and I'll get you again next pass, too!"
If it were anyone other than her best buddy Sparks up there, Lily would almost be upset at her happy-go-lucky attitude to being hit. As it was, her foalish giggle and playful actions relieved and reassured the unicorn that she’d gotten this figured out.
Anonymous lifted up his helmet again. "Looks like you've got her number, Specialist."
Lily beamed with pride. "Yes, sir!"
"Good. Corporal, give us one more lap, then let up on the steam and pull over at the starting line so we can swap targets."
He grinned at the unicorn specialist. "Have a few more tries with Sparkshower, then let's see how you do against someone who can actually dodge."
‘Ulp.’
Suggested viewing: US Army Air Forces Training Film I-3366: 'Position Firing', featuring B-17 waist gunner voiced by Mel Blanc [1944]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXbCbpPQPVc
