Artemis Sparkshower

---

Specialist Sparkshower’s head was starting to spin a bit; almost time to call it quits. Lily had really pushed her first mixed drinks with Purity's moon-liquor, so it was hard for Artemis to say 'no.' Once that bottle was empty, though, she’d tried to set a pace for herself. With a watchful eye on the clock, she’d targeted no more than two full "drinks" per hour.

But Honour, to her right, had forged right on ahead, and the rest of the table followed her lead. That made it hard to keep it slow. In the end, Artemis had to lay her head down on the table, more as a signal that she needed a break than actually being overcome by the liquor.

She was starting to feel a bit sleepy, though. Alcohol was a sedative, after all -- she’d learned that in basic first aid. And occasionals like her didn't have the tolerance of regular drinkers, as it was becoming apparent that Glamerspear and Bound both were.

Lily was really slurring her words, and Artemis could see her eyes lose focus now and then, while Honour was acting very emotional. Like that outburst of laughter earlier, what was that about? She’d had so many drinks, she might not even remember it tomorrow, so Artemis might never know. She really hadn't pictured the Corporal as somepony who 'hit the bottle', but the evidence was right there.

Sergeant Ebonshield was holding her own, and the pegasus knew she drank a bit, though she was taking it almost as slowly as Artemis was.

The buzzing feeling in her head started to pulsate a bit, and she closed her eyes for a moment to recover.

Well, at least she was a fully-grown adult, now, with an understanding of what she was doing. Not like when she was a young teenager alone with her best fillyfriend, Hannah, at her house in Berry, and she accidentally doled out blackcurrant wine for them both to drink in the nice sitting-room, instead of the raspberry cordial she'd been told to use.

To be fair, they looked pretty similar -- and the bottles hadn't been labelled! It was hardly her fault. Artemis had noticed the strange taste, but neither of them had recognized the mistake. But Artemis’ parents sure had later that night, though; they'd accused poor Hannah of trying to poison her, and forbade her to see Artemis again. All because she'd poured Artemis three glasses -- because she kept asking for more! -- while Hannah herself had only had one.

Artemis didn’t remember much of it, but her drunken state must have been pretty obvious. The whole episode caused quite a spat between their two families. It was almost two months until she was allowed to visit her at her green-gabled farmhouse again.

Artemis shook her head, rubbing her cheek against the table. Why was she daydreaming about a teenage misadventure from eight years ago?

It must be the alcohol.

Definitely time to stop drinking.

Just then, Honour pushed a glass towards her. "Here, Sparkshower. Drink this."

‘Uh-oh.’

She lifted her head and inspected what the corporal had given her. It was another tall tumbler full of a clear liquid. More of that Griffonstone gin?

"What is it?"

Artemis looked at her corporal, struggling a bit to keep her eyes open.

"It's water. Drink that up and I'll pour you another to follow it. You don't want to feel rotten in the morning."

‘Oh…’

Corporal Bound had a jug of water and was pouring out water for everypony. That was considerate of her.

"Glamerspear, can you--Hey, Glamerspear!" As Honour passed a glass to Ebonshield, she tried to get Lily's attention, but their unicorn comrade seemed to have nodded off.

"Huh-wha?"

Oh good, she wasn’t completely gone.

How late was it? Artemis struggled a bit to focus on the clock. Goodness gracious, it was after ten! Glass of water, and then bed.

Now that Lily was awake, the Corporal barked orders at her. "Go and get your saltines."

Lily's eyes were still crossed, and it took her a moment to straighten them out. When she did, she cocked an eyebrow and squinted, curling up her lip. "My... saltines? I'm a saltine."

"I'm not talking about that kind, Glamerspear. I mean those salted crackers you keep under your bed."

Glamerspear loudly banged her hoof on the table -- or tried to, at least, but her limbs were too ropey and limp for her hoof to have much of an impact.

"Who says I've got... Who says I'm hiding snacks?"

Oh, that explained the noise Artemis sometimes heard from Lily’s room. "Is that what I've heard you munching on late at night?"

Frowning so hard her eyes nearly closed shut, she squinted in Artemis’ direction, patting her chest. "I- Nooooo, that's... I wouldn't, Sparks! I've gotta... gotta keep up my fillyish figure."

Having emptied her glass of water, Artemis pushed it over to Honour without even looking. She duly filled it up again, even as she carried on her argument with the specialist.

"I've never met a unicorn soldier who didn't keep a snack stash. Something about needing the extra electrolytes to fuel your horns. Just stop talking and go get them, okay? Everypony needs to drink water and eat something salty now if we're going to avoid having hangovers tomorrow."

Finally, Glamerspear actually did get to her hooves. "O... Okay. Fine. If it'll avoid hangovers. But I'm telling you I don't have any saltines..."

She was a bit wobbly on her legs, and she let out a huge yawn, but she headed off towards her bedroom. "... I'll be right back with my saltines."

Across the table from the earth pony, Ebonshield chortled, shaking her head with a smile. "Still no colts have joined our little party... Oh, well, at least Corporal Bound is taking the very good care of her soldiers with this 'first aid' for we drunkards."

Honour finished her own glass of water, then sighed. "The things you learn the hard way as a young, dumb, wide-eyed and eager private fresh out of horseshoe camp, Sergeant."

The Sergeant nodded knowingly. "Indeed."

Glamerspear came stumbling back into the common room, with a bag of salted-tops crackers in her mouth. She dropped the bag on the table, and then struggled to get back into her chair.

With their Corporal busy on water duty, Artemis reached out and opened the bag, giving a neat hooffull of saltines to everypony at the table. She had to prod Glamerspear back awake to get her to actually eat hers, though.

Surprisingly, as soon as Artemis poked her, she took the whole stack and dumped them right into her water glass, aggressively mashing them up with the cocktail stirring spoon. Then she chugged the brownish sludge in one huge gulp.

"Okay. I'm Rehyz-... rehyw-... rehydrated and muhelectrolytesisreplenish'd. Bedtime now."

Without another word, she rolled out of the chair and headed to her room once again.

Ebonshield watched her head off. "She has done this before, I think."

Honour nodded. "They all do that -- unicorn guardsponies, I mean. They call it the 'salt shaker', because they usually shake the drink up with their telekinesis."

Eww. That's kinda gross.

Artemis just munched on her own allotment. Hmm... they were a bit stale. Maybe the water-dunk idea wasn’t that crazy. But, no, she would stick to keeping drinking and eating as two separate activities.

Corporal Bound nodded in her direction. "Okay, Sparkshower, how are you holding up?"

"I'm alright, Corporal."

"Good. Drink as much water as you can and eat another hooffull of saltines and you'll be fine. I'm going to bed."

She got up, and Ebonshield stood up after her. "I, likewise, shall retire. This has been a most pleasant evening in friendly company. I think we shall start tomorrow freshly-shod."

"Good-night, Sergeant."

"Good-night, Specialist. And do not ignore the instructions of the Caporal; I, too, share her experience in these matters."

"I won't, Sarge."

In another minute, Artemis was all alone in the common-room, with three shut doors around her. Taking the instructions to heart, she eagerly chomped down on as many crackers as she could manage, washing them down with generous amounts of water. Surprisingly, the buzzing did seem to fade a bit. Something to remember if she was ever in this situation again, she supposed.

At least she didn't have to learn the 'hard' way like the Corporal and the Sergeant. Artemis had heard stories. It was unpleasant -- and messy.

Taking a deep breath, Artemis let out a burp. Okay, that's enough. She didn’t want to make herself sick to her stomach in the other way.

Time for bed.

Heading to her room, Artemis could hear Glamerspear already snoring loudly on the other side of the wall. At last the afternoon and evening went well. And Corporal Bound seemed to not actually be too drunk after all. She shouldn't have any trouble with the morning shift -- and if her preventative instructions worked, Artemis would be awake to back her up as well.

Now that the newest member of their quaternion had been properly introduced, they’d be able to perform properly as a team! Lily and Honour didn't seem to have any problems getting along with the batpony Ebonshield this evening.

As Artemis climbed into bed, yawning, she wondered what would happen next. Didn't Ebonshield say she wanted to instruct Anonymous in combat? That should be pretty interesting.

She shut her eyes, and despite the buzzsaw from next door, she was instantly asleep.

---

Honour Bound

---

Corporal Bound was galloping down the hall, running a little bit late. And she had a bit of a headache.

Yesterday's drinking party was such a dumb idea. How had Glamerspear managed to talk her into it? In her head, Honour went over the arguments she'd used.

One, Ebonshield couldn't be seen outside. A reasonable point at face value, but the batpony Sergeant had been given unrestricted access to go as her duties required, or as she pleased while not on duty. Whoever signed that order -- probably on the explicit instructions of Princess Luna -- knew she might be seen. And they either wanted that to happen, or weren't concerned if it did.

So why should Honour try to keep her under wraps? The answer was, she shouldn't. That master-key pass of Ebonshield's all but spelled it out; their quaternion mustn't consider concealing her in her tactical decision-making or shift assignments. So, no, upon further reflection that argument didn't hold water.

What else had Glamerspear said?

She thought they should all talk together and get to know each other before going out on maneuvers. That wasn't a bad idea, though it was hardly the way things were usually done in the Royal Guard. First day of horseshoe camp categorically did not include relaxed, well-lubricated socializing before getting down to gruelling physical training.

The superior approach was hard to judge; there were advantages and disadvantages to both. Probably, for well-trained and experienced guards like them, some socialization wasn't a bad idea. Still, it wasn't a great point in favor of last night’s activities.

Especially not with booze involved, which brought Honour to the third thing that Glamerspear had said. She’d wanted to try that 'Maestro Cazador' liquor. That was just a personal request, and it was hardly going to sway Honour.

All in all, she had three, pretty poor arguments. But if they'd been so weak, why had Honour gone along with it?

She knew why, and it had nothing to do with Glamerspear, her little thesis, or Sparkshower's eager championing of both.

It was Her Royal Majesty Princess Luna. All the way into the evening, Her Majesty's overwhelming Presence had stuck with her.

Had she tried to drown it in liquor?

No; if anything, she had drunk in celebration, toasting the experience. It was an awkward thing to do, after so long spent away from both the bottle, and from believing in the magical benevolence of Equestria. She still felt like she’d only wandered out of the shadows into the penumbra, but the light was visible, at least. Like Luna's falling stars, Honour felt enveloped by the noble ideals she’d once believed in.

Yes, things were not as good as they should or could be, and there were bad ponies out there, but the experience had reminded her that the ones at the top were veritable fountains of purity. The briefest splash of Princess Luna's presence was like drinking from that same fountain, and it left Honour feeling spiritually refreshed and cleansed. Though she’d had to drag herself to get there, and forced herself to imbibe, too. And not without some missteps along the way, like getting into a ridiculous discussion of the Princess' bedroom affairs.

Shaking her head at Glamerspear's filthy, unrestrained mind -- which Honour had to admit, she sometimes shared -- she rounded the final corner and made a bee-line for the Royal Engineer's chamber doors.

She put the matters of motivation, metaphysics, and her own personal demons out of her head.

The Royal Engineer was a creature of the material world, after all. While she’d been having a religious experience that had rekindled her faith, he'd sipped coffee and eaten biscuits.

But that had been enough for Princess Luna, so -- especially now, after the experience in her Presence -- it was enough for Honour. And it was good for Equestria to have somepony grounded in physical reality. Even if he didn't always understand the nuances of what was going on around him, at least he had the intellect and wits to make good decisions.

It was a little surprising that the Princesses had named him, an alien, to the Privy Council, but Honour could hardly disagree with that decision now, after seeing him at work. Full of confidence that every problem -- even the ones she didn't know about -- would be solved by her immaculate Sovereigns and their most trusted advisers, if only given enough time to deal with them, Honour knocked on the door, and then entered when bidden.

"Corporal Bound report--"

She froze in shock at the scene before her.

"...ing... for... duty."

Stammering out the last words, Corporal Bound looked over the Royal Engineer's chambers. Everything was -- well, no, not everything, but certainly quite a lot of things were -- different. The movable, panelled room divider wall, which previously stretched across the middle of the living space and separated the 'public' areas from Anonymous' bedroom and private areas, had been pushed back a good six or seven hooves. His bed must still be on the diminished far side, but it was that on the near side that had changed.

The two enormous, glass-doored bookcases were gone, with a single, thinner one standing in their place. Gone too were all but one of the filing cabinets, as well as the two writing-desks. His bureau was still there in front of the windows, and the sitting room and dining room were as Honour remembered them, but now the room was dominated by a series of wooden tables which stood in front of the partition-wall, and in between his bureau and the sofa.

A few of them had wide sets of drawers underneath as well, and the table-tops were covered in an incredible array of tools, instruments, materials, and equipment. He'd completely swapped out his writing setup for a veritable laboratory.

Sitting in a wooden swivel chair, with a spool of copper-colored wire in one hand and a pair of tweezers in the other, Honour’s Very Important Pony turned to face her. "Good morning, Corporal. Is something wrong?"

Over top his usual clothes, he was wearing a thick, white smock with sleeves, like a cross between a butcher's apron and a surgical gown.

"I... When did you have your room refurnished, sir?"

Anonymous turned to regard the workbenches as if seeing them for the first time. "Oh, this? I had it taken care of yesterday afternoon, while you were all out getting to know each other."

Closing the door behind her, Honour stepped inside and licked her lips. "You didn't move things around yourself?"

The Royal Engineer smiled. "Goodness, no. I bundled up my notes and rough drafts, and some clerks from the archives came and hauled them off on trolleys for safekeeping. While they were at it, I had some movers in to relocate the dividers, take out the old pieces of furniture I didn't need, and bring in the new ones that I did. The actual tools and matériel were brought up from storage -- I've been ordering bits and pieces over the last few months and having them stashed until I was done with the book."

He nodded in the direction of a tall bronze cylinder. "A few of the pieces, a miracle of providence, arrived just this morning. I'm hoping the rest will arrive soon, so I can really get down to business."

Smiling, he held up what he had in his hands and gestured at the table. "Would you like to see what I'm working on?"

As it happens, she wouldn't. Honour took a deep breath, and, although she’d had to shut her eyes for a moment, she successfully resisted the urge to bring one hoof up to her bridge.

"Sir... Are you telling me that you had dozens of ponies in here, in your personal chambers, yesterday, without even one of your bodyguards present?"

The warm smile on his face was accentuated by a raised brow. "Yes? Is that a problem? They were all trusted palace servants."

Stepping forward, Honour sighed. And it wasn’t from being tired. There was a genuine anger and sense of disgust behind it that surprised even her. "Remember what I said about allowing yourself to be outnumbered, sir? After Mister Mustang's visit? Have you forgotten about that?"

His smile faded a bit, though it was still there, and he was still trying to sound friendly. "I do, but surely--"

Honour cut him off, walking past the living room furniture to stand at the far end of his table, in front of the chicane entrance to his bedroom area. "Surely nothing, sir. Trusted servants of the palace or not, everypony knows you have been assigned a guard detail. If they see you in the middle of the day without an escort, even in the privacy of your own room, or in the security of the castle hallways, it will cause a disturbance."

Now he lowered his hands, too.

"Some ponies might take offense and feel that you're being too informal. Others might think that your own house is in disorder -- that you're having an argument with your guards, or that you don't think much of them, or who knows what else."

Still smiling, Anonymous shook his head. "But... up until a little over a week ago, that's exactly what I was doing..."

He shrugged. "Although, I admit, while writing that book I hadn't had much occasion to receive visitors or to walk the halls."

Perfect. Just, perfect.

Her VIP had been an anti-social hermit up until now; never having had the chance to learn the rules of society, even if only by some kind of... osmosis. It was not supposed to be her damn job to teach him! Especially not when she did tell him how to behave, and he ignored her anyways!

"It doesn't matter what you were doing before. You have guardsponies, and you're expected to use them -- use us. You must remember that."

Casting his eyes about the room, he shook his head and chuckled. "When you put it that way, having guards almost sounds like an inconvenience."

‘WHAT?!’

"Though you've certainly been--"

He carried on speaking, but Honour was through listening, so she talked right over him. "An inconvenience, sir? Her Majesty Princess Celestia herself bestows on you one of the highest honors anypony in Equestria can receive, and it's an inconvenience?"

Her outburst silenced him, and he stared at the corporal, dumbfounded.

"That's what you think?? Was Her Majesty Princess Luna's visit also an inconvenience to you?"

She waved an angry hoof at the garbage piled up on his tables. "And is that why you sent us away in the afternoon? Were you worried we would be an inconvenience while you let dozens of ponies trot all over your chambers as if you -- and they -- owned the place?"

That same angry hoof pivoted around to point at Anonymous, By Appointment to Their Majesties Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Royal Engineer of Equestria.

"You don't own the place, sir. You're an outsider, an alien, a visitor to Equestria, and you're here at the pleasure of its Princesses. So you had better treat the gifts they've given you with some damned respect!"

Her voice had grown into a shout, her face a visage of fury. "I won't serve somepony who doesn't respect the Sovereigns of Equestria or the gifts they bestow, inconvenient or not! So you can stay right here, and I'll go get you somepony who will!"

Trembling with rage and wearing a snarl, Honour turned on her heels and nearly charged at the door, practically battering it open, before slamming it shut behind her.

It was only when she was halfway down the hallway that her ears caught up with what her mouth had been doing. The realization hit her like a sledgehammer, and she shut her eyes as she headed up-stairs.

What the buck got into her? She just threw a tantrum at her VIP, cussing them out and refusing service! If Lieutenant Violetta didn't flay the very hide off her back, then at least she was certainly going to see her kicked out of the VIP service, probably issued with a reprimand, maybe busted down to Specialist, and possibly even dishonorably discharged from the Royal Guard.

‘Congratulations, Honour. You may just have thrown your career away.’

With bitter thoughts weighing heavily on her mind, she pushed open the door to her quarters.

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