Artemis Sparkshower

Artemis Sparkshower: 19D Armored Scout Specialist, currently of the VIP Section, Canterlot Palace Military Office, Household Division.

She may not have been a Centurion of the Order of the Ram, like her comrade and friend Specialist Lily Glamerspear, or have a Silver Star, like her quaternion leader Corporal Honour Bound, or even be the de facto leader of a whole school of batpony assassins like her extraterrestrial comrade Purity Ebonshield, but Artemis was still proud -- fiercely proud, even -- to be a Royal Guardsmare.

Which was why this situation felt so alien.

Artemis had been on leave a few times, sure -- she'd gone back to Berry to visit her parents, and to visit her Huckleberry. But she'd always gone in her service uniform, flying or taking the train home while wearing with pride her kilt and belted plaid in Skylanders’ blue-and-green tartan. And in her mind, on those occasions she’d still been a soldier of the Royal Guard, just temporarily off-duty.

Here, though, as a ticket-holding guest of the Grand Galloping Gala?

Wearing a completely civilian dress?

With matching slippers and a hoofbag?

Addressing not just her comrades by their first names, but also even the Very Important Pony (who wasn't actually a pony) that she was sworn to protect?

It really pulled her mentally out of her sabots.

Having a couple of drinks in her helped, though that wouldn't have been enough on its own -- Artemis had still felt like a guard when the Royal Engineer took them all out drinking Tuesday night in their service uniforms.

What wasn't helping, she felt fairly certain, was the way Lily was pointing out all the attractive, young, and unescorted colts as they walked along in the gardens.

"Hey, how about that looker over there? I know he's a unicorn -- I'm biased, sue me -- but he's got the body of a pegasus, if I do say so myself. Really fills out that suit jacket in the shoulders. Good jawline, too."

The worst part was, Artemis didn't know if she was pointing them out to her or to Sergeant Ebonshield.

Maybe it was better if that remained a mystery.

"Whaddya think, Purity? Or is he too old?"

‘Hurricanes!’

With a dismissive laugh, the batpony shook her head, the large tassel on her tall black 'smoking hat' swaying as she spoke. "Oh, the age, I do not mind so much. As long as they can dance -- that is what I seek for tonight, after all."

Lily slyly cocked an eyebrow. "Just dancing? That's all?"

Eb chuckled again. "Just the dancing, yes. The variety vertical first, and perhaps, if they are gifted, later also the kind horizontal."

‘Tornadoes!’

So many ponies had joked about what went on behind closed doors at the Gala, but to hear Eb talk openly about it while at the Gala...

As with the feeling of civilianhood, it really grounded the idea that yes, some ponies were sneaking off for secret sex elsewhere in the palace.

Glamerspear continued to needle the sergeant. "And you're absolutely sure your 'Mister Lionheart' won't mind?"

The batpony batted a black-booted forehoof disdainfully. "As I have said previously, I made clear to Gilberto the nature of our relationship temporary. I wish for him ultimately to find a good mare closer to his age. That is the custom here in Equestria, after all."

Even though Artemis was tremendously embarrassed by all this talk, she couldn't help but look at things analytically. "If you want to find a good dancer, it seems to me like you'd want to wait for the music to start and the floor to open up so you can see the colts in action."

Both Lily and Purity looked over at Artemis amusedly, but it was the older mare who spoke. "Of course. But there is no harm in examining the field before the games begin, yes? And sometimes the colts are shy, or too engrossed with their friends and the chit-chat masculine, that they need encouragement to begin dancing. One must be open at any time to seize the opportunity."

Glamerspear snickered. "So, what kind of opportunities are you looking for, Artemis darling?"

‘Uh-oh, colt front -- err, cold front -- approaching.’

Or maybe it was a hot front, from the way her cheeks felt inflamed.

Artemis just shook her head and shut her eyes. "I don't know, Lily."

The unicorn glanced around. "Well, going by your last choice -- well, your only choice -- you're into big, strapping stallions. And you said you liked having a colt who was noticeably larger than you were, so that rules out a lot of unicorns and pegasi, but I'm sure we can find somepony to fit the bill. Ya know, an awful lot of Royal Guardscolts are into body-building. Maybe you ought to consider dating inside 'the service.'"

This really wasn't the discussion Artemis wanted to be having right now. She wasn't about to burst into tears over what had happened with Huckleberry again, but the emotional wound was still a bit raw. And she was past the 'rebound' phase that had her sticking her tuft out to their VIP.

Even though on Tuesday night she’d felt uncharacteristically eager enough to chat it up with a few colts on the dance floor, this evening had her feeling subdued and a little embarrassed once more. She felt big again -- in the bad way -- and even though Artemis had confidence that her dress was well-fitted and she was as good-looking as her companions had said she was, she still felt a bit uncomfortable bearing the gaze of the other guests.

The only saving grace was that she was accompanied by two creatures that were even 'bigger' than her, albeit one of them only visually. Purity Ebonshield's deep crimson dress, with matching shawl and accompanying glossy black boots, belt, and tall hat was like a beacon for stares, from colts and mares alike. It hadn't been the case in the rotunda, maybe because everypony was watching for the next guest to arrive, or else paying more attention to Equestria's immortal sovereigns, or even simply because Honour's father, Leeward Bound, stepped in and stole the show. But outside in the gardens, her outfit was a show-stopper; Artemis couldn't imagine Eb would actually need any kind of help finding a dance partner tonight.

And then there was the Royal Engineer, who, although conservatively dressed, still towered head and shoulders over every creature at the Gala, with the sole exception thus far being Her Majesty Princess Celestia.

Maybe if a minotaur or an adult dragon showed up, then he'd be outclassed in the height department.

Regardless, having him in Artemis’ little group still made her feel, well, not small, but less big, at least.

It'd be a greater effect if Lily and Purity weren't around for her to tower over. She’d be more isolated for the Lipizzaner Waltz, at least.

Glamerspear seemed to be waiting for an answer from the pegasus, but she just shook her head. "I can't -- I don't really want to think about that right now. Can't we just enjoy the party for now? We'll stick together as a group until at least after dinner, won't we? I don't mind if we split up with dance partners later."

Lily just chuckled in response. "Alright, alright. I don't mean to push ya, Sparks. I'm just saying, keep your eyes open, okay? When the DJ starts playing your favorite track, you'll want to be ready to dance with a colt who makes your wings wanna flutter a bit, ya know? And remember: you don't have to take the hoof of the first colt who asks you, either."

Artemis nodded. "Sure, Lily."

Taking a deep breath, the pink unicorn sighed and looked around at the other guests as their little group came to a brief halt once more. "Well, Miss Purity insists she's got her own eyes open, and Miss Artemis wants to wear blinders until it's dance o'clock, so I guess that just leaves one other party member to try to hook up in advance."

She rolled her head over to face up at their VIP. "So, what's your pleasure, Anon? After your session in the 'Well of Life,' Honour told us you could be interested in ponies, but she was a little short on the details about what specifically interested you."

The Royal Engineer's mouth hung open for a moment before he answered. "That's a good question. I mean..." Taking a look around himself, he inhaled through his nose, then smacked his tongue against his lips. "...I don't really know what I should be looking for. What's actually considered attractive -- to ponies?"

Glamerspear snorted, and Artemis couldn’t help but raise a forehoof to her muzzle. Even Ebonshield tittered a bit, but the Royal Engineer took it in stride. "Without getting too technical, I'd have to assume some of the same general physical attractiveness rules apply: bilateral symmetry, particularly of the face, youthfulness, things like good teeth. But beyond that, the rules aren't so clear. Larger eyes are often considered attractive among my people, but pony eyes are off the scale. Long hair is usually another positive trait for females, yet just about every pony has long manes and tails. And your colors are way out of spectrum."

He smiled amiably. "It's all a bit confusing, physically. I assume I'd focus first on finding someone with whom I could build a mental rapport. Perhaps a fellow inventor or engineer."

With a sly grin, Lily stepped out in front of the Royal Engineer, gathering Artemis and Ebonshield up in her forehooves, drawing them both in close beside her. "Oh, yeah, sure, having the same interests and such is important in the long run, but you can't ignore the physical needs, ya know?"

She glanced conspiratorially between the two ponies still beside her. "We've got a nice little spread here, I think. On my left, you've got an exotic beauty, graceful and athletic, experienced and determined."

Eb fluttered her eyes, then covered her muzzle and started to chuckle like she could see where this was going.

"On my right, you've got small-town mare-next-door. Sweet, and maybe still a bit innocent, but strong and committed."

Artemis wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.

‘Why is she introducing me like this?’

Anonymous knew who she was, especially after the talks they’d had -- in his office, in the garage, even the rambling, progressively-more-drunk, barely-remembered conversation Tuesday night, in-between bars and nightclubs.

"And in the middle, you've got the party mare, emotional and headstrong."

Purity stopped giggling long enough to speak up. "And who likes to play the games childish and silly!"

"And who likes to play silly children's games, sure. But you got a little spread of marely body shapes and personalities here before you, so why don't you take another look, and tell us which of us speaks loudest to that other part of you, the one that isn't your mind, ya know?"

As she waggled her eyebrows and pursed her lips, Artemis struggled in her grasp. "Lily! That's not a very polite question!"

Eb joined the unicorn in fluttering eyelids and making kissy-faces, and the pegasus ceased resisting, wondering if maybe she was in the wrong, but Anonymous just shook his head, laughing.

"Come now, you're asking me to play favorites. We're informal tonight, but we do have to work together afterwards."

‘That's right!’

Their VIP was a gentlecolt!

Relenting, Lily released Ebonshield and patted Artemis on her shoulder. "Hey, I'm just trying to break the ice by lightening the mood. Sorry, Sparks. I just don't want Anon to feel uncomfortable spilling some of the beans on his desires. I mean, everypony's got their preferences, right?"

That mollified her a bit, and Lily looked up at the Royal Engineer. "...So don't tell me you don't have any, Anon. You don't pick your partner based on what society says you should find attractive, you pick 'em based on what you do find attractive. And none of us are gonna laugh at you for what you prefer, right?"

Purity nodded. "Certainly."

Artemis was still a bit flustered from the question, but she nodded, too. "Of course."

Lily rubbed her forehooves together. "So how about it? There's lots of mares out here. What do you find interesting? Help us help you."

Anonymous took the aggressive assistance in stride, taking a sip of his drink and slipping his free hand into his pants pocket. "Okay. If you want the honest truth, most ponies look pretty 'cute' to me. The bright colors, the body fuzz, the long mane-and-tail hair, the height difference... It's 'cute' like the way a puppy or kitten is 'cute,' though, which is a bit of a psychological hill to surmount."

He cleared his throat. "...I mean, a puppy or kitten is adorable, but you wouldn't, you know..."

Taking another sip, he shrugged. "Beyond that, I admit I've thought a bit about wings and horns. Feathered wings cross into genuinely 'pretty'; something about the splendor of the arrangement of all those feathers, I think. And unicorn horns, well, physically they don't really do anything for me, but magic is pretty interesting, and, uh, I can imagine some, let's say, exotic applications."

That comment about 'splendor' made Artemis feel a bit tingly, but Lily shook her head. "Boss, I hate to tell ya, but you ain't the first wingless colt to be dazzled by pegasus plumage or wondering what'd be like to get a glow-job."

‘...Glow-job?’

‘Is that because when a unicorn 'holds' something telekinetically, it glows?’

Artemis had no doubts about what was being 'held' in that act.

Ebonshield quickly extended her wings out of her red dress. "And the wings of leather, you have not considered them? Certainly enough of them have been flapped in your direction."

Anon glanced down into his glass, swirling the dregs of punch around. "They certainly have. You, Carmen, Sister Lucretia... I can't really say bat wings do anything particular for me, though I've nothing against them, either."

The batpony gracefully folded her appendages back up in good humor. "I understand, naturally. I find the feathers of the pegasi most majestic also, and while my Gilberto has yet to make use of his horn in bed, I look forward to when he finds the confidence and attentiveness to do so."

Glamerspear held up a forehoof. "In the interest of fairness for the pony species not represented in present company, let me remind you that you've managed to tire every one of us out in combat training, with the exception of our earth pony, Honour. And, while we don't know anything about how your species does gland-to-gland combat, from how you handled the hoof-to-hoof variety, you might find yourself pining for that hardy breed of pony."

‘Oh, my!’

"¡Ja-ja-ja-ja-jaa!"

The unicorn's forward comment about sexual endurance got Artemis’ cheeks rosy and sent Ebonshield into high-pitched tittering again.

‘To imagine a colt tiring out their mare in bed…’

Anonymous looked about as embarrassed as Artemis was by the current trend in conversation, with Glamerspear and Ebonshield practically ganging up to uncover his sexual preferences.

It really wasn't very nice of Lily to do this.

And it wasn't very nice of Purity to go along with it, either.

The batpony dabbed a forehoof at her eyes to wipe away tears, then playfully reached up a little to tap Anon's ribs with the back of her hoof. "Our Anonimo is a 'good sport' to suffer stoically the slings and the arrows of our propositions outrageous. But let us now--¡¡¡Sombras!!!" Purity's eyes went as wide as dinner plates and the purple color seemed to drain right out of her face as she stared at something behind Sparkshower and Glamerspear.

Everypony turned to look at the object of her horror.

Just stepping out from the palace into the gardens was a young colt with a dark-grey coat and a thin black mustache, wearing a white jacket with black lapels bearing elegant floral embroidery. Accompanying him was a slender older mare with a red dress with four layers of ruffles in the back, each one trimmed with black and a thin ribbon of gold.

And that's when Artemis noticed that both of them had leather wings folded up against their sides. "Batponies!"

Lily furrowed her brow. "What? Batponies? You mean, more than just the one we brought?" But when she saw them too, her jaw dropped, and she almost dropped her drink as well.

While the three ponies gawked at the two foreigners, their Very Important Pony just shrugged. "What's the problem? I invited one, why couldn't somebody else? Perhaps they're members of the Night Guard?"

That would make a lot of sense, but regardless, Artemis felt certain that there had never been any of their kind at the Gala before. Surely, in spite of Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell, which only applied to soldiers anyways, and given that the batponies had only been in Equestria for two years now, word would have gotten out if any of them had attended a previous gala. Especially if they didn't even try to hide their bat wings!

Not that Ebonshield was particularly trying to hide hers, but Artemis had imagined that she would have been the sole exception.

As the pegasus tried to process things in her head, she barely registered her own leather-winged companion's speech. "Those two are not members of the Guardia de la Noche. And we have met at least one of them before."

Nor did Artemis notice her tall VIP's reply. "Ah, yes. I see now."

She could only watch, stunned, as the well-dressed duo approached their group, the mare beaming a wide smile. "Why, if it isn't our dear friend the Royal Engineer of Equestria! How are you this evening?"

Artemis recognized that flowery Canterlot voice. Her VIP didn’t miss a beat in replying. "Good evening, Reverend Mother Superior. I'm very well, thank you. What a pleasure to meet you here at the Grand Galloping Gala."

It was Carmen, the religious and political leader of the batponies.

Without her coating of white body-powder, she was almost unrecognizable to Artemis, but Anon had met her unpowdered before -- in the Well of Life, inside the Lunar Sanctuary, where she'd given him a massage. The pegasus didn't know the colt she was with; perhaps he was one of those hooded lunars who accompanied her entrance into the Grand Hall of Stars?

"Oh, believe me, my Lord Engineer, the pleasure is all mine..."

Carmen actually bowed to the Royal Engineer -- she curtsied, in fact, using her wing-fingers to spread out the bottom of her dress. Purity was already stunned just from seeing her subterranean-dwelling mother at the Gala; this act of deference to their VIP seemed to shock her even further into utter disbelief.

‘Wasn't this the pony to whom our entire group had to bow when she visited?’

Granted, Anon was considered an 'honorary Lunar' now, but even so.

The slender batpony rose up from her bow, still wearing a smile. "...After all, I must thank you for enabling us Children to attend this most magnificent of Equestrian festivities."

‘Enabling them to attend?’

‘What did the Royal Engineer do to get Reverend Mother Carmen an invitation?’

"I'm not sure I understand, Your Reverence."

Carmen stepped up and indicated her still-flabbergasted daughter with one forehoof. "No? Then allow me to explain. Since the previous Gala, The Great Mother had considered issuing tickets to some fine representatives of the Children, but she was concerned about the possibility of an incident. Even though it has been two years since we clashed with our Equestrian kin, and even though I proposed to bring only Lunars with me, the Great Mother still demurred. And while the Night Guard were established soon after the Great Mother's return, with a pledge to renounce past animosities, they have twice been denied the honor of executing their duties on the night of the Grand Galloping Gala."

That same forehoof turned back to touch a little bit of tuft showing above the cut of her dress. "But for this year, when it was clear that one of the Children would already be attending, and a Star at that, the Great Mother demurred no longer. Your action, as Her chosen in the matter of reconciling our two peoples, spurred Her to agree to our presence earlier this week."

Ebonshield finally found her balance once more, stammering out incredulously. "The Guardia de la Noche patrols the palace walls tonight? How many of the Children attend the Gala?"

Carmen looked at Purity as if she was just noticing her daughter for the first time. "Such impatient questions! Do you not trust in the Great Mother's wisdom, Stellar Seventh? Regardless, I will answer you: Yes, the Night Guard will patrol the walls of the palace tonight, though the security of the Gala itself remains in the capable hooves of the Royal Guard. And as for Children attendees, I have brought with me three Sisters and three Brothers of the Lunars."

She looked over at her escort, one of the 'Brothers.' "Altogether, including the two of us, we are eight, the sacred and auspicious number."

Artemis felt like she was missing something -- something important.

‘The presence of batponies at the Gala, the use of the Night Guard for the palace walls…’

That's when it hit her.

"You're the 'unspecified threat' to the Gala!"

The pegasus’ sudden outburst shocked her companions almost as much as when they saw Carmen and her escort in the first place.

But if the religious leader of the batponies was taken aback, she didn’t show it. "I beg your pardon, miss Sparkshower?"

‘Oops.’

‘I may have pushed this cold front a bit too fast.’

"I'm sorry, your Reverence. I had overheard at the First Air Division that they've been on high alert due to 'unspecified' threats to the Gala passed down from Intelligence." Feeling like a soldier once more, Artemis furrowed her brow and looked over at Sergeant Ebonshield. "Intel would have known of the potential of the Night Guard going on duty and tickets being issued to the Children, but because of Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell rules, they couldn't inform the soldiers. So the threat was just left as 'unspecified.' I've been wondering what it was all this time since; it has to be you and your kin."

Carmen fluttered her eyes and shook her head. "If you say so. I certainly couldn't pretend to understand the complexities of Equestria's defenses. But, as for being a threat, my child, neither myself nor any of my Lunars have brought with us any weapons, for to wield a weapon is anathema to the Lunars. In fact, I would imagine the only armed batpony here at the Gala is the one accompanying you."

She slyly looked over at Purity, who acknowledged the statement with a nod.

Glamerspear cut in accusingly. "Yeah, well, maybe none of you are armed, but you'll excuse me if I keep my eyes open and my horn lit for any Night Guards straying over here from the outer walls. Like, ya know, the fifteen bats who tried to murder all of us a week ago."

The Reverend Mother Superior took even this accusation in stride, reassuring the unicorn as a mother would a child. "It pains me to know that their deplorable actions on that awful day still haunt you, my dear. If you would permit it, I would be privileged to welcome you into the Lunar Sanctuary for the purposes of helping to heal that trauma. I'm sure that the Lord Engineer and your comrade Corporal Bound could attest to the Well's curative properties. Until then, it may perhaps reassure you to know that the entire Temple of the Swarming Meteors, from whose ranks Marcos drew his accomplices, have been punished for their malfeasance by being banned until further notice from Night Guard duties."

She looked to Artemis and gave a small nod. "And I should note that each Night Guard patrol tonight will be accompanied by representatives of the Royal Undermountain Constabulary, as an additional concession to safety for all concerned."

In spite of Sergeant Ebonshield's friendliness with the border agents in that strange outpost hidden in an orchard shed, the impression the pegasus had always gotten was of coldness between the batponies and the R.U.C who guarded access to the Rookery, almost like the relationship between prisoners and their jailers. She couldn’t imagine that adding Royal Guards into each Night Guard group would reduce tensions; if anything, they would increase it. But if anypony in the Night Guard had had designs to disrupt the Gala, she supposed that the presence of Royal Guards should dissuade them.

The Reverend Mother Superior beamed a warm smile to everypony in the group. "Well, this has been a pleasant encounter. It is always reassuring to greet familiar faces at a party. But I'm sure you must all have your own destinations and desires for tonight, and I would not dream to impose upon them. And I must admit for my own part that, as I have so rarely been in the great Palace of Canterlot, I wish to take full advantage of this invitation so as to socialize and establish rapport with our Equestrian kin. After all, the Great Mother surely does not expect you to shoulder the entire burden of reconciling our peoples, my Lord Engineer."

Anonymous bowed. "Of course. I wish you an excellent and enjoyable evening, Your Reverence."

Carmen curtsied again, and the unnamed and so-far silent 'Brother' similarly gave a bow, and then they departed, heading off through the gardens, along the outer face of the palace.

Glamerspear scrunched up her muzzle. "Crazy seeing her here. D'you think they introduced her at the door as 'Reverend Mother Superior'?"

Artemis shook her head. "The attendant did introduce Purity with her full title."

Eb nodded. "This is so. I cannot imagine Carmen permitting anything less."

Lily turned to their senior comrade. "Look, I know she welcomed us to the Rookery, and we're all honorary Stars and Lunars and all that, smiles all around, and nopony's accosted us since your brother attacked us, but do you really trust her and her cronies here?"

The batpony chuckled. "That is a question most open. If you mean, do I trust that she has not come to stab anypony with the blades, then yes, I do trust that she spoke the truth in this. Lunars do not carry weapons, generally. I believe she plans indeed to conduct the diplomacy and the politics, as she has said." She sniffed, and finally seemed to re-compose herself after the shock of seeing her mother here in the Palace garden. “I did not think that the Great Mother would so soon permit the presence of my kin in the public. But I likewise did not think that Equestrians would be allowed to enter the Rookery so soon as well, particularly without an escort."

Eb looked up at their VIP. "Matters between Equestrians and Children have progressed quickly since I have entered your service, Anónimo."

Anonymous sighed. "They're about to progress a lot quicker, I suppose. Songwell sent word earlier today that he'd found an excellent potential location for my foundry, and I have to admit it looked good enough on paper that I forwarded it to Purse Strings for review. We might visit the place tomorrow afternoon, if any of us are in a fit state to go out."

That got Glamerspear grinning again. "Oh? So you are coming around to ponies, after all?"

Their VIP just smiled. "Ask me again after the Lipizzaner Waltz, when I've got a few more drinks in me. I'm not quite loose enough right now to start babbling about what floats my boat."

"Oh, I will, Anon, I promise!"

Lily and Purity started tittering again between them, and all Artemis could do was shake her head. With Honour elsewhere, did that make Artemis the 'responsible one,' even though she was the youngest?

Not that she wasn't also interested in hearing what, uhm, 'floated' the Royal Engineer's 'boat.'

‘He liked wings…’

‘Did he like anything else?’

‘Maybe something he saw?’

Artemis was the furthest in size from a puppy or kitten...

Suddenly she didn't feel so big-in-a-bad-way any more.

She felt big-in-a-good-way.

‘Yep.’

‘I am a big mare, and yes, Glamerspear was right, I do need a big, strong colt.’

Maybe even somepony she already knew, and who already knew her. If only she could have a serious conversation about things. With all this joking and ribbing from Lily and Purity, though...

...Well, it sure wasn't making it easy.

Suggested interlude music: Massari - 'Be Easy' [2006]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf7SHew7yc4

Well folks, after six months and half a million words, we are now all caught up with the Greentext of Everyday Life With Guardsmares! Unfortunately, we've also reached the end of regularly scheduled updates; future updates will be posted As They Come. Don't worry, the story is not abandoned!

Thank you for being with us so far, and I hope you continue to enjoy Everyday Life With Guardsmares!