Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 11
Previous Chapter Next ChapterLily Glamerspear
'Holy buck, how is the chow hall so damn busy on a Saturday for lunch?' Seriously, it was like the palace barracks had doubled in population overnight. Why were all these ponies even there? Most of them should have Saturday off!
It was a good thing that Lily had a pegasus recon battle-buddy who could zoom up to the ceiling, spot the only free table left in the room, and then dive-bomb down to one of its chairs to reserve it for them. And it's a good thing for Sparkshower that she had a unicorn battle-buddy who could easily grab both of their plates while she was holding the seats.
Flight-plus-telekinesis combo team for the win.
At that point, Lily's immediate problem was how to route through the crowds over to the far side of the room, where Sparks was eagerly awaiting her omelette. Scanning the room, she decided to try picking her way around the crowded outside edge, even though it skirted the busy buffet line. At least there was a bit of room to maneuver there.
But before she could set off, she heard a soft male voice from behind her.
"Attention on deck, Specialist."
He was so close she could almost feel his breath against her ear, and the shock almost made her drop the field that was holding the two lunch-trays up in the air. Or maybe it wasn't the shock from the proximity, but from recognizing the speaker. And he was an officer, so she snapped to attention, staring straight ahead.
She heard a chuckling in her ear. A white pegasus with a brilliant blue mane stepped around in front of her with a grin on his face.
"Hey, Lil. Long time no see."
Lieutenant Valiant Kilfeather, 11FX Air Superiority.
Her ex.
Lily didn't say a word.
Val cocked his head at her. "Aw, come on, Lil. No love for ol' Val?"
She answered immediately, toeing the line of proper conduct toward an officer.
"No, sir."
"No? Shame. We used to have something together, Lil. Whatever happened?"
Keeping her magical concentration to balance the lunch trays was easy.
It was keeping her composure in front of that bucking asshole that was hard.
"You ruined it, sir."
The pegasus officer was unfazed by Lily's pronouncement. He just looked at her with that smile of his. Friendly on the surface, but Lily knew it for the sneering smirk of self-assured superiority it really was.
"So quick to lay the blame, Lil. But I don't remember being the one who walked out on a good thing."
So he wanted to hear her spit it out? 'Fine, then!'
"No, you're just the one who tried to force me into something I didn't want to do."
Lieutenant Kilfeather feigned ignorance. "What, you mean that thing with the colts from the squadron? Oh, come on, Lil. It's not like you wouldn't have enjoyed it..." His expression darkened as he leaned in, right in front of her face. "... Besides, the way I hear it, these days you'll spread 'em and wink for anypony with two bits to rub together."
'Bucking BASTARD!'
It took everything she had to suppress the urge to jam a telekinetic spear straight up his nose right then and there. Instead, she just narrowed her eyes and clenched her teeth.
Val just stared at Lily, watching her simmer.
When he'd had enough, he leaned back and laughed. "...Hahaha! Oh, at ease, soldier! Foal, I can still rile you up, huh? Maybe there's still something there, after all..."
Lily relaxed her posture and permitted herself to actually look him in the eye instead of staring straight ahead.
"... But I'm not here to pine after bygones, babe."
Almost through clenched teeth, she barely managed not to snarl at him.
"Why are you here, sir?" He arched his eyebrows and wobbled his head, not yet answering her, so she motioned around the room with her head. "...This is the enlisted mess hall, after all."
Val beamed a wide smile. "Oh, as for that, well, Lil, let me clue you in on something about the officers' mess."
Drawing in close, he wrapped a hoof around her shoulder.
She suppressed the urge to hurl.
"... Friday lunch in the officers' club? Good."
He leaned over further, arching his eyebrows.
"... Friday dinner? Great."
The air fighter got in even closer and spoke in a hushed, conspiratorial tone.
"... Friday after-dinner? Fan-bucking-tastic, you dig?"
Val let go of her shoulder and stood up straight again.
"... But as a result of that, Saturday breakfast is so under-attended that the staff don't even put in the effort. And Saturday lunch isn't much better." He looked around the room and waved a hoof. "... Why, I can see at least three dozen officers who were smash-bucking-drunk in the officers' club last night, and are now grabbing lunch -- probably breakfast, for them -- here in the enlisted chow hall, going incognito so as not to bother anypony."
Stepping around back in front of her, he nodded his head in the direction of a table full of other pegasi.
"... That's why I'm here with the squadron..." Looking her up and down, he grinned once again. "... But that's not why I came over to say hello."
‘That pony sure loves to hear the sound of his own voice.’
"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit then, sir?"
Val took a deep breath and tilted his head back, licking his teeth. "Well... I was just wondering about your cute little pegasus friend over there in the far corner."
‘Oh, buck no.’
She had to shut this down as soon as possible.
"She's not your type, sir."
The lieutenant's face turned pouty. "C'mon, Lil. Why don't you carry on calling me 'Val?’ Or 'Icepone' at least. Let's try to stay friends, huh?"
The obvious emphasis was her cue to relax even her 'parade rest' position. But if he thought allowing her to call him by his nickname or his call-sign was going to ingratiate him to her, he was dead wrong.
"I said she's not your type, Val."
He licked his lips and turned sideways to be able to look over at Sparkshower. Through the crowds, you could see her sitting there with a contented look on her face, scanning the ponies around her like she was on a recon mission.
"No? Soft, cream-colored coat... Pretty hay-colored hair... Big, beautiful blue eyes. Mmmm...."
Val glanced back at Lily. "... I do love the filly-next-door type."
The thought of that pegasus taking advantage of her new best friend Sparkshower sent a chill down her spine. "Whatever you want, I'm not doing it."
Val put a hoof up to her lips, causing her to scrunch up and recoil in disgust. "Sh-sh-shhh! Don't jump the gun on me, Lily..."
She pushed his hoof out of her face, but he went on talking.
"... I'm not asking you to set up a date, or even introduce me. Nothing like that."
He took a step forward towards her.
"... All I want you to do… is go bring her that omelette you've got floating around up there before it gets cold, and just... point me and the squadron out to her." Val rolled his head forward and lifted his eyebrows at her. "... She's probably heard of us, you know. Just let her put the names to faces, that's all."
Lily could not believe he was seriously asking that. "You want me to sell out my squadmate? That's pretty low, even for you, Val."
He put two hooves up and pouted his lips. "Whoa-whoa-whoa! 'Sell out?’ C'mon, Lil. I'm just asking you to let her know about some of Canterlot's finest air superiority fighters, that's all. She is new here, isn't she...?"
Lowering his hooves, he raised his eyebrows.
"... But since you mentioned 'selling', well, maybe I can make it worth your while..." He grinned. "... Like, say, maybe an invitation to one of the aforementioned fantastic Friday nights at the Officers' Club?"
She was through listening to him.
"No, thanks, Val. I've got my own ticket."
She set off to leave, only to hear him call out softly after you "What, you mean Captain Mailedhoof?"
Lily whipped around, leveling a stony gaze at Val, who had sat down and was now nonchalantly inspecting one of his hooves.
"... Be a real shame if someone talked you down to him. He's very sensitive about his social appearance, you know."
'What the buck! This bucking bastard!' She could barely stop herself from loudly shouting back.
"You're blackmailing me?"
Luckily, over the din of the chow hall, nopony could have heard her even if she'd yelled.
Val shook his head and smirked. "No, no, not blackmail. Black-ball, maybe." The smirk turned sinister. "... Or I guess blue-ball in your case."
That was it! She'd had enough! Lily turned around and left him there, still grinning at her. Pushing through the crowd, she went straight for Sparkshower. Valiant had her so riled up, she just plowed through the gaps between the tables with a menacing scowl on her face. Somehow, she made it over to where her squadmate had saved a table without knocking anypony over.
"Hey, Glamerspear!"
The little time it had taken to get over there hadn't dulled Lily's anger any, but she inhaled deeply, put a smile on her face, and did her best not to take it out on her friend.
"Hey, Sparks, order up!" She lowered the two trays out of the air and gently placed them on the table before taking her seat. Even with Val's words still ringing in her ears, the scent of a nice, hot plate of the chow-hall's finest did much to soothe her anxieties.
'He wouldn't really trash-talk her to Captain Mailedhoof, would he?'
"Boy, it sure is busy in here, isn't it?" Across from Lily, Sparks was already digging in, still glancing around at all the new faces.
Lily grimaced. "Yeah."
If he did start trying to wreck her chances with one salt-lick Captain, who's to say he wouldn't start blabbering about her to everypony? Would he do that? He definitely had the capacity for it. But she doubted he would bother keeping it up for long. 'Icepone' was strictly interested in short-term advantage.
"Do you think the crowd has anything to do with Day Court?"
While Lily had been ruminating over her past and future, Sparkshower had managed to figure out the present. It took the Unicorn a second to comprehend the Sparks' words, but once she did, Lily nodded her head and grinned.
"Aw, of course! I forgot that Day Court runs on Saturdays from now until the Grand Galloping Gala." Turning around, she took in the crowd. "... Yeah, they must need another two hundred guards on duty just to manage the line-up. Sometimes it can go all the way outside, ya know."
Just then, she caught a glimpse of Val at his table with his little entourage of pegasi air fighters. As if sensing her attention, Val looked in her direction, grinned, and nodded his head. Suddenly it felt a bit warmer in the room.
It must have been the press of all those extra ponies.
Returning to her plate, Lily immersed herself in her lunch once more.
A thought crossed Lily's mind. "You know what this means, right?" Sparkshower shook her head at her. "... It means every single noblepony will be avoiding the palace like the plague. Heck, when Day Court runs like this, lots of 'em get out Friday afternoon and don't come back until Monday." She jammed her fork in her food again and took another bite. "... They don't want to be around a huge crowd of 'common' ponies if they can avoid it."
"Wow."
Driven by some unknown compulsion, she glanced sideways towards Val's table again. He was still there. This time, he didn't turn to look at her. One of his cronies must have just told a roaring joke, because everypony at the table suddenly burst into laughter. They managed to be so loud that she could actually make them out over the din of the bustling chow hall. It looked like there were at least five of them together.
"Who's that you keep looking at over there?"
'Buck, busted!' Now it really felt like somepony had the heat on! Lily turned back to look at Sparkshower, with a growing sense of guilt. She had that inquisitive, bright-eyed look on her face again.
...'Big beautiful blue eyes'...
Lily shuddered.
And then she made a decision.
"That table of pegasi over there has the First Canterlot Air Wing sitting at it."
Sparkshower's eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped open. Lily paused to let it sink in for a moment. Her comrade looked like she'd just had Celestia personally show up to her birthday.
"Holy thundershowers! Are you serious!?"
Lily nodded her head.
"... Wow! The First Air Wing... Those are the finest fliers in the Guard!" Suddenly, she looked a little embarrassed. "... I mean, besides the Wonderbolts. But Wonderbolts aren't regular fighters like them!"
An idea came to mind, and Lily leaned in before looking over at the table and pointing with one hoof.
"Yeah, well, don't let it get out, but... I used to hang with them a bit."
Turning her attention to Val's table, Sparks reacted just as Lily expected. "Cool!!"
She only barely contained her excitement enough to take another bite of her omelette.
"You see the one in the middle with the brilliant blue mane? That's Valiant 'Icepone' Kilfeather, the wing commander. He used to be my coltfriend."
And the omelette almost came right back out of her mouth in her exuberance.
"REALLY!? Wow! What's he like?"
'Bingo.' Time to reel her in.
"Well, he's clever, well-dressed, likes to be the center of attention, knows how to party..."
Lily turned to her with a deadpan look.
"... And he's about fifteen pounds of armor and twenty pounds of charm, wrapped around a hundred pounds of pure, full-strength, unadulterated, psychopathic creep."
The words took a half-second to register, but when they did, Sparkshower furrowed her brow and quickly looked back at Lily. She reached up and forcefully turned Sparkshower's head back towards Val.
"Keep smiling like everything's fine, Sparks..."
It took her another half-second, but she started smiling towards the lieutenant's table.
"... Because everything is fine as long as everybody around him does exactly what he tells them to. And his ability to have fun and live the high life is part of what made me want to play 'the game'..." Leaning in even more, she turned to face her ex with a smile on her face. "... But the minute anybody turns him down, things get ugly. He made me do some things I regret, and when I refused to do something that I would have really regretted, he got violent."
Val glanced in their direction, and smiled when he saw both of them looking back.
"... He doesn't give a buck about anypony but himself. So, unless you're looking for a quick gallop in the garden--" Lily sat back up. "Actually, no, even if that's all you wanted, you can do way better, Artemis. So please, keep smiling, turn away, and then promise me you'll stay away from him?"
She did as Lily asked.
She sighed. "... Now let's just finish our lunch and get out of here."
"Sparkshower! Glamerspear!"
'What the...'
Lieutenant Temper Violetta was trotting up from behind them. Instantly, Sparkshower had a hoof up in salute. Lily raised her own hoof and turned around in her seat. The lieutenant was carrying her own lunch-tray as well.
"Carry on, Specialists! Sorry to interrupt you gentlemares at chow-time, but I figured you'd want to know."
Both of them lowered their hooves and relaxed again.
"Know what, Ma'am?"
"New orders for tomorrow! The Royal Engineer is undertaking a mission to Bitsmount. All three of you will accompany him for the entirety of the voyage, under Corporal Bound's leadership."
'Now what was going on?'
"... You'll be taking a coach first thing at dawn. Understood?"
The two of them spoke in unison.
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Good. Now I've got to find a seat somewhere in this zoo."
Sparkshower cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, Ma'am, why are you eating in the enlisted mess hall, anyways?"
Temper Violetta scrunched up her face as she looked around for a seat. "Because Saturday breakfast & lunch in the Officer's mess is just reheated Friday dinner." Their commanding officer shook her head in confusion. "... No idea why. Friday dinner's a good meal before a pony turns in, but I'm not looking to see the same food when I wake up first thing on a glorious Saturday morning, I can tell you that."
She resumed her usual, stern demeanor. "... Be team players and don't tell anypony about me being in here, would you? Wouldn't want to cause a scandal."
"No, ma'am."
"No, ma'am."
The lieutenant gave a curt nod and then trotted off to find a free seat.
Huh, guess Val wasn't lying about the food situation over at the officers' mess. Did that mean he wasn't lying about the threat to Lily’s social life? Well, either way, there was nothing more to do on that front, now; she'd made her choice. Lily had growing confidence that it was the right one as she got back to her lunch.
"Come on, let's hurry up and finish so we can get out of this over-packed barn."
Sparkshower nodded as she dug back in.
Valiant 'Icepone' Kilfeather
The lunch rush was coming to a close as a blond-maned pegasus with a mustache sauntered over to Valiant Kilfeather’s table and sat down.
"She trashed-talked you, Ice."
Callsign 'Applewood'; he was one of the Lieutenant Junior Grades under his command.
"She trash-talked me, huh?"
After he'd seen that cream-colored young beauty walk in with Lily Glamerspear, he'd been interested. When she dive-bombed one of the few remaining tables, he’d sent Applewood over to grab as close a seat as he could, intending him to hold it for them. Just in case the talk with Glamerspear went better than he'd expected.
Applewood smiled softly. "Yeah, Val. I guess she didn't want to leave bygones as bygones."
'Icepone' shrugged. "Ah, well, what are you gonna do."
Over to his right, 'Duck', another junior Lieutenant on his squadron, spoke up.
"Whaddya mean, 'what are you gonna do'? I thought you were gonna talk to Captain Mailedhoof about that mare?"
Across the table, Lt. 'Joker', Kilfeather's second-in-command, laughed. "Have you met Mailedhoof, Duck?" It was a little quieter in the cafeteria, so he leaned in a bit, and everypony else leaned in with him. "... That colt's so eager for salt, you could tell him a mare's coming over to chop off his dick, and he'll get all excited and ask if she's cute."
Everypony started giggling, and Joker kept going, a huge grin on his face.
"... I'm serious, that dude can't keep it in his sheath. Drives his wife nuts."
Val shook his head and took a sip from his drink. "Yeah, sorry, Duck, I'm afraid that was a bluff so big it belongs on a damn map." He looked over at Applewood. "... Hear anything else interesting?"
He shrugged. "A little. They're under Violetta, working bodyguard duty for the Royal Engineer."
Duck furrowed his brow and piped up. "Wait, that hairless monkey colt? I heard about him."
Icepone looked over. "Yeah? What've you heard?"
Duck just stared back. "Uh... that he's, uh... y'know, the Royal Engineer?"
Joker started giggling and just shook his head.
After a long silence, Applewood continued. "Well, I also heard Violetta say they're all heading over to Bitsmount tomorrow at dawn."
Icepone's ears perked up. "Bitsmount, huh?"
"Yeah. Must be going to inspect the place after that tunnel collapse, I guess."
The tactical air defense map of Canterlot materialized in Icepone's mind's eye. "The only way to Bitsmount is over the Hobble river..." He licked his lips. "... And the closest way over the Hobble river is Newstirrup bridge."
Everypony else at the table was looking over quietly at Kilfeather. He ignored them while he put the pieces together in his head. Newstirrup bridge, the only way up to Bitsmount. And the Royal Engineer was a member of the privy council. That meant, hairless monkey or not, he was technically a member of the noble class.
'Yeah.'
'Yeah, it could work.'
He put a hoof on the table and started to grin. "Gentlecolts, if you've got a clear schedule for Sunday, what with us all being on libo, I have a plan that'll get us some fun, some glory, some action..." He bobbed his head to the side. "... And maybe something extra for your fearless leader."
Around the table, everypony looked interested. Icepone put his hoof in the center of the table. "... All I need to know is, are you with me?"
Without much delay, the whole squadron had their hooves on top of his.
Joker looked at Icepone with a big grin on his face. "Ice, we're your wingponies, anytime."
He smiled right back. The best part of his plan was that it was going to work out great, even if it didn't get him exactly what he wanted. That was the best kind.
Suggested interlude music: AC/DC - Let Me Put My Love Into You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehS5qtwA9OY
