Dear Twilight [CENSORED],

You massive [CENSORED], you [CENSORED] poisoned my hot coco! What the [CENSORED] is wrong with you! I’ve been throwing up all [CENSORED] morning and I feel like [CENSORED].

I was going to go [CENSORED] easy on you, but this is a declaration of total [CENSORED] war!

When the [CENSORED] day comes, you will regret ever been [CENSORED] born, you massive piece of [CENSORED], [CENSORED], [CENSORED] [CENSORED].

Your [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED],
Starlight Glimmer.

Dear Starlight Glimmer,

Due to your more than colorful language, I took the liberty of casting a censoring spell on this and any future letter you or Twilight write.

Your watchful monarch,
Princess Celestia.

PS: I will also have a talk with Twilight about this more than unnecessary action.

Dear princess Celestia,

I’m not apologizing.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

The Chewed Letter

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I proudly inform you that while you were busy at the Gala, I’ve acquired my own army of minions to help me in my endeavor to destroy your pathetic existence.
I have not only tamed the rock-rats living in the walls of your castle, but I’m in the process of awakening their minds so they become smarter than any help you may gather to defend yourself.
Expect plagues, chewed books, and waking up covered in tiny paws before being bitten by a piranha-like swarm of tiny rodents.

Your skillful enemy,
Starlight Glimmer.

PS: How was the Gala? I never got the opportunity to go to one.

Dear Starlight Glimmer,

I thank you for foolishly making me aware of your plan. I’ve already ordered a large batch of rat poison along with an extensive fumigation of the entire castle so I can finally get rid of you and your poor attempts at revenge.

Your unimpressed foe,
Twilight Sparkle.

PS: Galas are extremely boring, but they have their moments.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I heard that you were planning to “get rid” of some rodents in your house. I politely ask you that you don’t go through with this plan, since it would really make me sad and damage our friendship.

Your worried friend,
Fluttershy.

PS: I’m serious Twilight, don’t hurt the little things. I have the Lord of Chaos on my side.