Disclaimer: This Chapter contains explicit use of “Music”. If you are allergic to the emotion invoking power music, please call a doctor before partaking in this chapter. We don't own anything and never said we did, so don't sue us!

A Midnight Legends Press Production

Charmingly Rustic

Written By: Your Antagonist & Starwind Dood

Edited By: TheWattsMan

Chapter 5: If I Ain’t Got You

        I'm here again. Fancy Pants gazed upwards to the tear painted skies of his dream world, waiting for the tears to come down to Canterlot and begin to drown him. Just like every night before. The shadows of the building around him blocked out every shadow of his world. The drops came, like a recording. He predicted everything that came: the buildings moving together, the water level rising, the sky turning that charmingly red haze. "What I would give for an umbrella."

        "Ah've got one we can share, Mr. Pants."

        "What?"

        Big Macintosh smiled at Fancy Pants, a large umbrella strapped to his back. "Rain's comin’."

The first rays of the morning sun poked drearily through the Venetian blinds of Fancy Pants’ penthouse, creeping gradually towards him as he dreamt of a world other than the one he was destined to arise to; no matter how much he wished he could remain in the finite bliss of his fantasies. Sadly, only the dead could sleep forever, and even though he’d trade places with them in an instant to escape from the nightmares that plagued his life for the past three days, his body demanded a reprieve from his obstinately lethargic behavior as of late.

He clenched his eyes reflexively as the first beams of sunlight reached his face, bringing forth an unwanted awareness to the waking world. His body betrayed him and played accomplice to the sun by forcing unwanted hunger pangs upon him. Oatmeal can only hold the body together for so long. “Fine... you win,” he said to nopony in particular as he begrudgingly anchored a hoof to the end of his mattress and physically pulled himself out of bed.

He sat up and dragged a hoof down his face, matting his mane to his forehead, deciding to endure the torture of hunger for just a while longer as trudged towards his bathroom, seeking cleansing relief that only a shower could provide. Every step he landed on his right hoof caused him to wince in pain due to the sheer force of the blow he landed on Hot Tip’s snout. It had been a week since then, but he had never gotten the hoof properly checked. Next time—ow—I’ll make sure to—ow—hold back some.

He slumped into the bathroom, stepped into the bathtub after turning the hot water all the way up, and sat down pensively as he allowed the water to wash over him and remove three days worth of body odor, filth, and tears. Each drop brought with it a thousand negative thoughts that assaulted his mind, each thought bringing with it a pang of sorrow and regret fueled further by self-ridicule for allowing his life to fall to such a low point due to his carelessness. Fifteen minutes of the torture elapsed, and he finally ended the abuse by shutting off the water. Stepping out of the tub, his horn lighting up with magic that enveloped his whole body, pulling away all of the drops of water that clung to his fur.

I may as well be dressed before I subject myself to the hell that awaits me outside. With a sigh, he began trotting towards his wardrobe room to outfit himself in his usual suit jacket. He didn’t bother looking in the mirror to double check his appearance, he reasoned that if he wanted to see himself, he’d just turn his television to a local news station as they took his reputation and dragged it deeper into the mud. Just the other day he was accused of having three other male lovers, two of whom were conjoined zebra twins, the other being a donkey, and Fleur de Lis guest starred on almost every talk show program directly after. He mused to himself what a blatant lie they’d attached to his life’s story today as he made his way to the front door of his penthouse.

I’ve come this far, I may as well commit. He hesitantly reached a hoof towards the handle of the door and jerked it away just as quickly. Opening that door would compromise the sense of security he’d built in here for the past three days. This was his fortress, his bastion from the outside world, he was protected from their harsh opinions, and yet... he still had a job to do. At the very least, being his own boss meant that he didn't need to worry about being fired.

He threw himself back into the outside world, nothing but his own hide to protect himself. He kept his ears piqued for the sudden rush of hoofsteps. Just what am I in store for today? He picked up his pace, hoping to avoid the mass of tabloid insanity, a feat which was beyond him with his sore hoof.

Soon, they were upon him. A mass of cameras, snapping his picture from various vantage points and shadows. Fancy Pants felt cornered, and he only had one way of escaping. With a flash of his horn, Fancy Pants winked off. He didn't have any place in mind when he whisked off, which is considered very dangerous, yet he found himself somewhere his mind always wandered to.

"This is where I first winked off with Big Macintosh," he sighed before trotting off.

Fancy Pants slowly dragged himself into his own emporium, a place he might hope would act as a second fortress against the maelstrom of prying hooves trying to tear into every inch of his life. He looked around the room, noting the one thing he might have left in this fickle world: his suits. "You won't run out on me, right?" he asked half-heartedly . Upon closer inspection, he realized his inventory was running low. "Assistant!"

"Sir!" a young white unicorn with an orange mane appeared at his side. "You called?"

Fancy Pants gave the assistant a casual pat on the shoulder before he continued. "Yes my boy. Send a letter to Hoity Toity; we're running low on inventory."

"Actually, sir, Hoity Toity said he wasn't going to do business with us now... sir."

Fancy Pants sighed. Hoity Toity's opinion of the same-sex couples was neither a secret nor nice. I should have guessed this would happen. "Then I'll need to start looking for another supplier, it seems."

“Zere ees no need for zat, Fancy Pants,” called an irkingly familiar voice from behind.

Fancy Pants grit his teeth as two of the last ponies he would ever want to see just waltzed into his store. He hid his disdain for them behind an eerily false smile, turning to greet the source. "Hello, Photo Finish," he said, venom dripping from his voice.

An ecstatic Photo Finish danced into the store wearing her usual dress and a smirk, with solemn-faced Fleur De Lis in tow. “Hello, Fancy,” Fleur de Lis spat at Fancy Pants.

Fancy Pants grimaced for a moment, keeping himself from attacking Photo Finish and composed himself to face the mares who began to circle him like sharks on a bleeding tuna. “Fleur, Photo, as lovely and conniving as ever I see. So, how goes the continued besmirching of my reputation?”

“Oh, ve ‘ave just started with you, Fancy Pants. You may ‘ave been able to avoid us for zree days, but now zat we’ve found you, we’re going to give you an ultimatum: make a public apology and admit zat you are a theiving, mare manipulating, talentless hack, and I might not release these photos of you eloping with Prince Blueblood.”

        "Really, Blueblood?" Fancy Pants scoffed, punctuating his disgust by sticking out his tongue. "If you're going to incriminate me, at least match me with a pony of taste, but, then again, I guess you wouldn't know what taste is."

        "Vould you prefer a colt?" Photo Finish spat back, prompting a look of disgust from Fancy Pants. "You only have yourself to blame."

        "You're right. I had no idea the world of fashion was composed of nothing but leeches." Fancy Pants stepped up to Photo Finish, letting his proud and intimidating size talk for him, imposing on the snide mare that he wanted her out of his sight. "So, are you going to leave, or should I escort you out, the hard way?"

        "And zen vat?" Photo Finish shot back, not backing down to Fancy Pants, who didn't have an answer.

        "Just give up, Fancy Pants," Fleur de Lis added. "You're playing a game you can't win."

        "That's because I'm not cheating." Fancy Pants turned to Fleur de Lis, who did jump a little to the sudden shift. "Telling everypony I'm a lousy ‘performer’? Really, I thought you were better than that."

        "You're quite mistaken."

        "Quite right, you're just another marionette at the whims of some master. Just try and enjoy your life, Fleur de Lis, because it's not going to be a happy one." Fancy Pants glared disapprovingly at the mare he once called his fillyfriend, and he could see her begin to balk under him. She wasn't a strong pony, and he knew that. "You'll just be at the whims of--"

        "Enough of zis!" Photo Finish interrupted him. "I came here to give you a choice."

        "I made my choice!" Fancy Pants shouted at her, struggling to keep his boiling rage under control. "I am not going to make any such false declarations. Go ahead, release the photo. I imagine Blue Blood will have a field day with you in court. If you want to make the royal family your enemy then by my guest."

        Photo Finish paused, not expecting Fancy Pants to be so resilient. "It matters not," she finally said. "Pictures can be spliced anyway, and all of Canterlot knows you're a colt-cuddler--"

        "Don't say it."

"Vat? Colt cuddler?"

        "I said," Fancy Pants hissed, "don't say it."

        "Oh, zis is perfect," Photo Finish laughed, almost falling over from the laughter she was consuming herself in. "You're 'ashamed. Vat a pathetic sight you are, colt-cuddler."

        "Honey," a new voice called to Photo Finish, who turned to address the voice.

        "I am not honey," Photo Finish spat. Sapphire Shores' grimacing face was the last thing Photo Finish saw before the pop-star slugged her across the face, leaving Photo Finish convulsing on the floor and holding her snout. "Vat vas that!" she shouted.

        Sapphire smirked and turned to the numerous reporters, photographers, and groupies behind her. "Have the headlines say something like 'Sapphire gleams photographer', baby!" She turned to Fancy Pants and grabbed him around a foreleg, pulling him closer. "Be sure to capture my good side as I run off with Fancy Pants now. Make the next paper... SE-E-EN-SATIONAL, OW!" She winked, bat down on Fancy Pants' tail, and ran off, pulling Fancy Pants away with more strength than he ever gave her credit for before.

        "Ms. Shores!?" Fancy Pants babbled as the scenery raced past him, barely registering what had just happened. "What are you doing?"

        "What I always do, baby, cheering up one of my adoring fans!"

Fan? No. Adoring? Hardly... Fancy Pants thought as Sapphire pulled him further and further away towards the boutique. “Where are we going anyhow, Ms. Shores, and you’re more than welcome to drop me any— OOF!” Sapphire had dragged Fancy Pants over a rock, “time you know. I’m perfectly capable of moving by myself!”

“Uh-uh, baby, you might try to escape, and I’m tryin’ to help you face your problem straight on! We’re going to Canterlot Gardens, actually we’re already here,” Sapphire explained as she released Fancy Pants’ tail.

Fancy Pants rose to his hooves unsteadily and shook out all of the discomfort that had accumulated itself during the “ride”. His ears picked up on whispers and talking, and he turned to come face to face with a mass of ponies, crowded and huddled around a stage covered with a giant curtain, waiting eagerly for something.

“Follow me Fancy, or else we’ll be late, and my assistant just hates tardiness,” Sapphire said as she strutted off towards the stage.

Late? Stage? Me? Sapphire Shores? "Ms. Shores, I have to ask if you've lost more of your mind? You're asking me to follow you out onto a stage?" His addled mind struggled with the erratic thought process of Sapphire Shores.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Fancy Baby." Sapphire Shores grabbed him around his shoulders and forcibly dragging him onto the stage and roaring crowd. "Oh, this is going to be one for the world."

"You are insane, truly insane!" Fancy Pants yelled as his heart almost stopped, all eyes were focused on him. Oh dear...

"Oh, baby, don't be an amateur," Sapphire Shores laughed as she strutted to the microphone, ready to welcome her ponies to what was going to be her favourite concert yet.

The gazes of all of the ponies in the crowd below began boring into Fancy Pants’ very being, as Sapphire spoke, “Hello everypony, how are you doing today?” Her voice boomed across the garden, and a response of cheering that was twice as loud as Sapphires' introduction emanated from the crowd below. “That’s what I like to hear! Now, You all may be wondering why I’ve decided to hold a free concert debuting some of my newest songs before a huge tour. Well, to answer that question please turn your attention to this very handsome stallion to my left.”

The crowd once again fixed their collective attention upon Fancy Pants, and he began to feel as nervous as ever. Sure, he could handle the occasional paparazzi swarm, being interviewed on national television even, but being in front of a crowd this massive due to the current condition of his life and his reputation, brought with him a case of wracked nerves that would give any less-composed pony a migraine. I hope she knows what she’s doing...

“This is my good friend Fancy Pants, and he's been having a pretty bad week. I'm sure y'all know about the going-ons and rumors happening here in Canterlot? Fancy's life here, has been a wreck, and why? Well, he kissed a stallion, and he liked it. So this is for him, and anypony else out there who kissed a pony and liked it. It don't matter if you like stallions or mares or anything in-between. We all only got one life to live to the highest! So, I'm asking you all now, everypony, to remember the one thing that binds us together! That makes Equestria such a magical place! Friendship and love. So give the pony next to you a hug, baby, and don't feel ashamed if you like it. It's okay to be anypony you want to be, and that means even if you're gay." The crowd cheered for Sapphire Shores, and even Fancy Pants. “And now, without further ado, I’m bringin’ back old school, baby!” Sapphire turned towards the curtain behind her and nodded; just as quickly the curtain split in two and revealed an all earth pony band consisting of a drummer, a guitarist, bassist, three female background singers on similar microphones to Sapphire’s, and one pony on a trumpet. As Sapphire shouted “This one’s for you, Fancy-baby! Hit it!” the guitar and trumpet paved the way into the song and were soon accompanied by the drums, and the background singers chimed in with the bassist.

“I’m Com-ing Out! I want the world to know, got to let it show!”

Ponies in the crowd began dancing, and as they were overtaken by the rhythm the background singers belted out the second repetition.

“I’m Com-ing Out! I want the world to know, got to let it show!”

Sapphire turned to Fancy Pants and winked at him before she began singing her verse to the song.

“There’s a new me coming out, and I just have to live, I just wanna give, I’m completely positive! And I think this time around, I am gonna do it, like you never knew it, oh I’ll make it through! The time has come for me to break out of my shell, and I have got to shout that I am coming out!”

As Sapphire sang the chorus with the background singers, Fancy Pants soaked in every word of the song, taking the lyrics to heart, and realized that there was no reason to fret over something silly like his reputation if it meant having to sacrifice his own happiness. He looked out to the crowd of cheering and dancing ponies and noticed something about them as he watched an orange earth pony, and a rainbow maned pegasus near the front share a kiss: They were mostly same-sex couples.

"Fancy Pants! You rock!" A sea green unicorn shouted out, her candy maned lover clinging onto her with adoration and contentment playing across her features. She turned around, to address the large red stallion behind her. "Is that him, Big Mac?"

"That he is, Lyra," Big Macintosh replied back.

"He don't look so bad," Big Macintosh's cousin, Braeburn, placed a hoof on his shoulder, encouraging him forward, behind him an awkward looking buffalo cow on one side of him and a orange topped mare on the other, looking territorially at the other. "Go get him, cousin." his cousin and the buffalo pushed him forward.

"Cousin, isn't this too forward!" Big Macintosh protested.

"We didn't come all this way to hold back!" Braeburn and Little Strongheart nearly tossed Big Macintosh onto the stage with one last push.

Sapphire grinned at the scene unfolding before her as she began singing  the second verse: I’ve got show the world all that I want to be and all of my abilities, there’s so much more to me! Somehow I’ll have to make them, just understand, I’ve got it well in hand, and oh how I have planned! I’m spreadin’ love there is no need to fear, and I just feel so good evertime I hear!

Sweetie Belle watched as Big Macintosh was nearly thrown onto the stage "Sis, what’s going on with Mr. Macintosh?”

Pipsqueak spoke up from next to Sweetie Belle “Yes, Ms. Rarity, why are they all pushing him to the stage?”

Rarity blushed and realized she’d never explained to her sister the concept of same sex couples. “Well, you see, it’s... um... Mr. Macintosh feels the same way about that stallion... umm... well, the way you two feel about each other.”

Sweetie Belle spoke up and voiced her opinions on the subject “So Mr. Macintosh is that stallion’s ‘knight’? Is that stallion a princess then?” She inquired while wrapping one her forelegs around one of Pipsqueak’s, causing the pinto colt to blush under his fur.

Rarity smiled and laughed at her sister’s response before continuing “In a manner of speaking, yes to both of those.”

“That’s really sweet, I think every princess should have a knight!” Sweetie Belle shouted enthusiastically while pulling Pipsqueak closer as Pipsqueak’s red only intensified in color that could rival a tomato.

Rarity sighed, relieved that she had explained the concept of homosexuality to her sister and was met with positive results. “That’s right Sweetie Belle, now watch and you’ll see something wonderful happen.”

Big Macintosh finally made it onto the stage, staring deep into Fancy Pants' eyes as the music hit the breakdown riff. "Hello, Mr. Pants."

        "Good evening, Big Mac." Fancy Pants felt his heart begin to flutter as reality finally came up on him. Here he was, the stallion of his dreams, being cheered on by hundreds of ponies, as some of the most beautiful music he’d ever heard played. "You're back."

        "Ah... Ah forgot something here. Something important." Big Macintosh took a deep breath, trying to tune out his sister and cousin's cheering. "Ah forgot you. Mr. Pants... Ah... Ah love you."

        "Big Macintosh, I love you too." I said it. "And... I don't care what anypony has to say."

        "Neither do I." Big Macintosh and Fancy Pants came together at last, nuzzling each other's neck a moment that would last both forever and not long enough.

        "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" the crowd cheered. Ponies everywhere cheered for the two, and for many Fancy Pants and Big Macintosh became a symbol. A symbol that love can blossom regardless of status in life, regardless of where we were born, and regardless of gender. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

        "I think they're waiting on you, Fancy Baby," Sapphire Shores egged him on. "Give him some sugar."

        "This is hardly my style," Fancy Pants laughed. "Kissing somepony, anypony for that matter, in front of so many."

        "I can't say I'm comfortable with it either," Big Macintosh laughed as he scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

        "Just do it, you big lug!" Applejack yelled out.

        "Well... if you don't mind, Mr. Pants." Big Macintosh turned to Fancy Pants, smiling with embarrassment.

        "No, I don't mind." They leaned forward to each other, and met each other's lips in the second true kiss Fancy Pants had ever made in his entire life: a kiss full of passion, warmth, courage, and love.

Chapter 5 End.