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Seeking My Purpose In The World

by The Sleepless Beholder

Chapter 23: Chapter 23: I Hate Winter

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Sunset was absently reading the newspaper while hearing the constant sounds that the train made on the tracks.
Celestia had insisted that she didn’t fly to Ponyville due to her exhausting training, which Sunset had insisted it didn’t affect her, but Cadence managed to convince her at the end.
Still, she felt the travel far more boring than flying, and wished to have something to do or somepony to talk to. On top of that, being in the middle of winter had her clad in a purple coat and beanie along with some brown wool boots and a red scarf, yet still felt an uncomfortable cold.
‘I can’t wait for the next summer. Why do we have winter anyway?’
Her adversity to the cold was reinforced once she finally arrived at Ponyville station, and a cold breeze welcomed her with its freezing touch.

“Hey Sunset!” a voice called out, and she saw Spike and Twilight, also wearing winter clothing, approaching her to give her the welcome back.
Sunset immediately grabbed Spike with her magic and hugged him for all the warmth his little body could give her. The tiny dragon didn’t mind one bit, hugging her back with the same feeling. Twilight smiled at the heartfelt moment between them and couldn’t help but join in too.
After a couple of minutes warming up, Sunset walked out of the station with Spike on her back while she and Twilight talked.

“So, how was your time in Canterlot? We were surprised when you suddenly disappeared one day.”

“Sorry about that, I was running late and didn’t expect that it would take me all day to finally send a letter. Things are going fine; Celestia and Luna have been training me to control my magic. I’ve been talking a lot with Cadence about, pretty much everything. And Shining took me to the training grounds to do a bit of sparring like when we were younger, saying that I needed to exercise my body a bit too.”

“And has it helped you?” Twilight asked curiously.

“Well, I now know how far away from me one has to be if I lose control. I feel more confident, and yeah, Shining was right about being ‘rusted in the joints’, but now I’m better.”

“And what about new spells? Do you have something awesome to show us?” Spike asked with enthusiasm.

“Actually, I haven’t been able to study new spells. Much of our time has been spent making sure my magic can be held in check. And honestly, I’m not sure what more I could learn in terms of magic. In fact, I’ve learned a lot with your friends and my family about things other than magic, and I feel like I should concentrate on them instead of just hoarding more spells.” Sunset continued walking through the fresh snow until she realized she had left Twilight behind, and when she turned around, she saw the unicorn with her jaw hanging low.

“You’re kidding right?” Twilight asked with a half-smile, making Sunset raise an eyebrow. “The Sunset Shimmer has learned enough about magic? Will I finally be able to surpass her and rub it in her-” Twilight was interrupted as a snowball twice her size buried her completely.

“Sorry, but no. The big sister must always be above the small,” Sunset declared with a smirk, walking away before being hit with a snowball right on the back of the neck. “You’re going to regret that,” she warned with a smile.

Twilight grinned while holding aloft a dozen snowballs in her magic. “Let’s see if your magic has also rusted.” A barrage of snowballs flew towards Sunset, but a spray of green flames melted them before they could make contact. “Spike! You traitor!”

Sunset smiled and casted a tiny curling black mustache on her little brother, which he immediately started twirling. “Sorry Twilight, but my side has been chosen.”

Twilight lifted more of the snow and threw it at her siblings, making some of them curve so Spike couldn’t melt them in one breath. Sunset moved to dodge the projectiles while gathering snow to form another big snowball that she threw directly at Twilight’s side.
The purple unicorn lifted a wall of snow to defend herself, but another snowball was already coming at her, so she was forced into defense, not having time to retaliate.
Sunset smiled at her cornered sibling, but she then heard something behind her, and when she turned around, she saw Pinkie’s party canon pointing straight at her chest.

“Snow war!” the pink pony shouted before firing a snow-cannonball that pushed Sunset back and made Spike fall from her back.

Twilight smiled with confidence, preparing another barrage of snowballs. “Now is two vs two.”

Sunset stood up and lifted Pinkie’s snowball with her magic. “Come at me then.”
Pinkie shot another cannonball to her left while Twilight’s barrage came from her right, so she blasted the cannonball with her magic while using her snowball to block Twilight’s attack.
With the snow that her weapon gathered, she split it into two and sent it against her opponents, forcing Twilight to block it with another wall, and Pinkie had to dodge it while moving her cannon away.
Pinkie fired again, and Twilight copied her idea and used her barrage of snow to make the cannonball bigger. Sunset caught the ball with her magic, but Twilight added her own to push her back, trying to pin her to the ground.
Spike finally got up and quickly used his flames against the snowball, but instead of melting, it disappeared in a familiar green smoke.
A looming shadow covered Pinkie as the massive snowball appeared above her before falling towards her with speed, but before it could crush her, a powerful flying kick sent it away from her.

“Welcome back Sunset,” Applejack said while adjusting her hat after falling back to the ground. “Mind if ah join in?”

Sunset smiled confidently. “If this continues, I might need to get serious.” She joked before lighting up her horn, and the snow around her was raised in the form of a snake that immediately launched itself towards Twilight.
Applejack quickly pulled out a rope and lassoed the snake, moving it away from Twilight with her strength while the purple unicorn blasted it into pieces.
Pinkie fired her cannon once more, forcing Sunset to block while her sister prepared another barrage. Spike mounted Sunset again and took some air before sending a large ball of fire in front of his opponents, melting the snow so they had less ammunition at hand. Twilight quickly put up a shield and her two teammates got closer as she made an attack plan.

By this time, a large crowd had gathered to observe the battle, with Rarity going around collecting bets and Fluttershy looking worried that somepony would get hurt.

Twilight finally lowered her shield and started a new, more intense barrage, doubling the number of snowballs to force Sunset and Spike to defend.
Pinkie pointed her cannon straight up and fired, only for the cannonball to be caught by Applejacks rope. The farm pony started to move in circles, making the compacted snow accelerate in the air with centrifugal force.
Twilight and Pinkie changed places, and now Sunset was being held back by powerful blasts of snow coming from the canon that instead of forming a heavy ball, sprayed dozens of small projectiles at them.
Meanwhile, Twilight used her magic to prevent the snowball that Applejack was gyrating to break and started adding more mass to it.
Seeing what they intended, Sunset sent another snow-snake towards Pinkie, making the pink pony jump aside, abandoning her canon to be swallowed by the snow.
Deciding it was now or never, Applejack threw the by now triple her size snowball towards Sunset at increased speed, making it impossible to block, dodge or melt.
However, a small blizzard picked it up, and the dangerous projectile was sent skyward.
All ponies and dragon looked up, finding Rainbow Dash looking at them with a cocky grin. “You thought you could have all the fun by yourselves?”

“Hey, that’s not fair, you should be in our team!” Applejack complained.

Rainbow shrugged. “Hey, with Pinkie out of the fight, it’s still three against three.”

“Wait what-” was the only thing Sunset got to say before she and Spike were buried under a heavy load of snow.

“I finally got to crush you!” Gilda exclaimed with a smile as she flew away.

Sunset lifted the snow out of her and looked at the griffon. “What are you doing here?”

Gilda cracked her neck. “Came to visit Rainbow and couldn’t pass the chance to get some revenge.”

The two teams lined up, looking at each other as a small pause was given to accommodate the newcomers. Bets were rising with the new inclusion of two great flyers with control over the weather, and Pinkie had quickly joined them, betting everything on Rainbow Dash.

“So, what’s the plan now egghead?” Gilda asked. “Sad to admit it, but pegasi can control the weather better than griffons.”

Twilight nodded, her mind busy forming a strategy. “We definitely need to keep her occupied so she doesn’t turn the entire terrain against us.”

“Leave her to me.” Applejack tensed her rope with determination. “Ah will keep her on the ground.”

“I already confronted Sunset once, she’s too fast for me to hit her even if I managed to get into close quarters.” Gilda took a step forward, sizing up her opponents. “I guess I will go for the dragon then.”

“Please go easy on him, he may be a dragon but his still a baby, and my little brother,” Twilight warned her.

Gilda nodded. “Don’t worry, I will just pin him down, the difficult part will be to dismount him from your friend.”

Twilight tried to read Sunset’s lips to guess what she was saying to her teammates, but she was getting distracted with her eyes. They seemed to be distant from the action, which could mean that she was overconfident about winning, or maybe she was still scared to go over the edge. Admittedly, things had been escalating quite a bit, but that had become normal after so many challenges between Rainbow and Applejack. However, maybe Sunset wasn’t fully aware of this.
Twilight considered calling the whole thing off, but if what Sunset needed was confidence in her control over her magic, that would only worsen it.
An idea crossed her head. All her friends had helped Sunset in their own way, giving a part of the element that they represent.
But she could give something that they couldn’t… a magical challenge.

Sunset raised an eyebrow as she watched her sister walking directly towards her. “Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of hiding behind your teammates you’re coming right to me?”

Twilight smiled confidently. “I can’t make you get serious if I don’t.”

Sunset doubted for a moment, thinking about giving up before things got out of hand, but her old competitive instincts won over, and she smiled. “Very well, I accept the challenge.” She got Spike off her back and marched towards Twilight.
Both unicorns lighted their horns, and the townsfolk could see that Twilight’s magical aura was glowing with the same intensity as when she pacified the ursa minor, making them start to give more space just in case.
The snow around the sisters turned purple and cyan, slowly rising before forming hundreds of snowballs.
“200 bits on the librarian!” was shouted from the crowd, functioning as the unintentional starting whistle for the fight.
A huge barrage of snowballs was launched by both opponents, making them impact on each other trying to get one to slip past and land a hit.
A wall of snow was quickly formed by the spent ammunition, and two large balls of snow where launched from behind it towards Twilight.
The purple unicorn dove into the snow to dodge and quickly stood up, jerking her head upwards as her magic took hold of the white wall and sent it towards Sunset like a heavy blanket.
Sunset teleported right above it and sent four more snowballs against her sister, but Twilight also teleported away before making the wall move to trap her in a ball, forcing her to jump away from it.
As soon as her hoof touched the ground, Sunset span around and sent one of her snow serpents against Twilight which she blasted right away, so she kept sending more and more in different angles to keep her pinned down.
Suddenly, a rope got hold of her legs and made her fall, breaking her concentration.

“Don’t forget that we’re still in this!” Applejack shouted while Gilda throwed a heavy snowball at Sunset, but Spike’s fire intercepted it.

The dragon was now mounting on Rainbow Dash, holding a trash can lid as a shield and a
cardboard tube as a lance. “Then we will keep you out of it.”

Sunset teleported out of the ropes, leaving her teammates to deal with the other two opponents while her attention went back to her sister. “Do things always get this hectic in this town?”

“Pretty much.” Twilight’s face of confidence fell a little to show a more caring one. “I’ve missed you.”

Sunset smiled in the same way. “Yeah, me too. And I’ve got to admit, as chaotic as this place is, I think it’s starting to feel like home.”

Twilight shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I missed this side of you, the one I grew up with. Ever since Nightmare Moon, I felt like you slowly turned into a completely different pony. And even if some of it was for good, I don’t want you to lose this part of you; the one that could challenge the world without fear and win every time.”
‘Especially because of me.’ She added in her head. ‘You need to be confident. You need to be strong. I don’t want to lose you again, even if you can come back.’

Sunset was silent. With all the time she had spent with her friends, she didn’t know how Twilight was truly feeling about her. She knew she was worried. She knew she was willing to forgive her for hurting her. But there was something else.
Back in the mountain, Sunset had admitted, in the worst possible way, her secret to her. Vague as her threat was, Twilight was smart enough to put the pieces together about how she had been looking at her since they first met, but it didn’t seem like it was affecting her at all.
‘Why hasn’t she even brought it up? Is she hiding it like I did? Does she think that I was just delusional? Rainbow didn’t seem to know, but what about the others? Did Twilight tell them? Does she simply not care about it?’
A thought crossed her mind that made her heart feel hollow, pumping smoke instead of blood.
‘Is she just… pitying me? Trying to be the better mare? Setting an example of friendship?’

After a few long seconds of silence, Twilight started to get worried about Sunset’s reaction, but suddenly she lifted a large ball of snow, ready to attack.
Twilight prepared a heavy barrage of snowballs, and both unicorns launched their attacks at the same time. But Sunset’s snowball missed by a wide margin, and she also didn’t bother dodging the barrage, getting buried under it.
Twilight watched stunned at the pile of snow over her sister, hoping for some sort of trap or underhanded tactic, but she just laid there, unmoving.

“Looks like victory is ours!” Gilda shouted, holding Rainbow and Spike in her claws, who had been tied together by Applejack’s rope. Half the crowd cheered while the other half groaned at their lost bets.

With the victor decided, Sunset immediately stood up and walked away without saying anything, leaving Twilight with a heavy weight in her chest. ‘What did I do wrong? Did I say something bad? Was it not the right moment to talk? Did I just make things worse?!’
Twilight started hyperventilating, and her friends quickly ran to her to offer help, not noticing Sunset escaping from the crowd.


“Just when it was getting good,” Nightmare complained, laying on a bed made of the papers she had been reading. “Do you think she would’ve beaten her?” she asked to the barrier.
Her sister had been ignoring her since their last chat. The truth of her words apparently had crushed her pride, which intrigued her greatly.
The truth was that even herself, being over a thousand years old, didn’t know much about their nature. She knew a few things, but having another being like her to talk to had put various questions in her mind:
How was she resisting her reason to exist? Why was she willing to form a bond with her host if she hated her so much? Why was her magic linked to fire? Would she have the same form as her? How did growing under the barrier affect her? How many of these questions is she asking herself?
No response came from the barrier, making her growl in frustration.
She could be very useful, especially after demonstrating that she shares her host’s intelligence, but it was also quite dangerous since if she managed to free herself, she would undoubtably fight her. Is she more powerful than me? was another of her questions.
‘Maybe I should try a more ‘friendly’ approach. We share a hatred towards Celestia, but her rebellion against her nature is making it difficult to convince her to cooperate. I need to show her that there is no point in resisting it. We were created with an objective, and we need to complete it.’
“My offer for answers still stands,” she said, turning her head away form the barrier. “I’m sure you’ve many questions to ask. What do you lose by simply asking them? Even if I had a reason to lie to you, which I don’t, you can simply ignore what you don’t like.”
More silence, but it didn’t matter, Nightmare had spent a thousand years on the moon, she could be patient and wait until she cracked and talked.

“I have one.”

Nightmare smiled, maybe she didn’t need to. “Ask it then.”

“What is your ‘objective’, your ‘desire’, your ‘nature’, or whatever you want to call it?”

“It’s quite simple. Overthrow Celestia, claim vengeance for Luna’s mistreatment by sending her to the sun, and rule in her place with what’s left of my followers,” Nightmare responded like if she had practiced it for years.

“Vengeance for Luna you say. Wouldn’t she be the one to rule then? Wasn’t her desire to take the throne the thing that birthed you?”

Nightmare frowned with anger. “She lost that right when she decided to betray me. But I will not give up so easily. I will have Equestria in my hands, and she will regret choosing the wrong side.”

“So, your objective was to put Luna in power, but now it’s you who will take it.”

Nightmare looked suspiciously at the barrier. She could tell something was off in her sister’s tone of voice. “Yes. And if you help me do it, we can-” she suddenly stopped. Shew could feel her sister smiling on the other side.

“You changed your objective. You were forced to adapt against a problem. You made a choice.”

Nightmare growled menacingly. “It wasn’t a choice. There was no other option.”

“Maybe in the moon or behind this barrier there is no choice, but there are plenty of choices out there in Equestria.”

“Why are you so insistent on making choices? What do you want to choose? What else can you desire other than the destruction of the one that imprisoned you?” Nightmare asked, not being able to understand her sister’s way of thinking.

“I don’t want to be shackled to this barrier. This mind. This body. And certainly not your so-called natures and desires.”

This time, Nightmare was the one that silenced her sister with a smile. “I see. You desire freedom more than vengeance. That would certainly explain your flawed logic and false hopes. But I will assure you again; there is no choice that will change what you or I are. You should know pretty well that Celestia will destroy you if you ever got out to the world.”

“Then I will just burn her, and any creature that could threaten me.”

“Would you like some help with that? I will be in a similar situation one day, possibly the same day as you. We can fight together, and if we win, as long as I am queen, you can have all the freedom that you want.” Nightmare leaned back on her bed of paper, waiting for an answer that didn’t came, but the lack of refusal was enough for now. ‘It’s just a matter of time until she realizes how the real-world works.’

Author's Notes:


Sunset's morale went down: -10

Current morale: 45/100


I have to confess; this chapter was supposed to be about Sunset and the CMC. I spent a good while planning the start, but as soon as Sunset and Twilight started talking I got derailed so hard I had to move them to next chapter while some other things I wanted to touch upon in future chapters ended up showing up here. So, sorry about that, I hope you like it anyways.

PS: this is what I'm referring to when I say 'volatile inspiration'

Have a nice existence.

I will be watching you.

Next Chapter: Chapter 24: We Need to Talk Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 57 Minutes
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