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Seeking My Purpose In The World

by The Sleepless Beholder

Chapter 18: Chapter 18: Forgiveness

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Applejack looked closely at Rainbow, trying to tell if the pegasus was lying. “You and Sunset had a perfectly normal day?”

“Yep,” Rainbow responded, eyes closed and hooves behind her head.

The farm mare raised an eyebrow. “And yah didn’t have any kind of great revelation about her person?”

“Or help her overcome some of her defects?” Pinkie added.

Rainbow kept her poker face. “Nope.”

“I’m starting to think these little reunions in the library are not helping a lot,” Twilight deadpanned.

“At least you’re not hiding in the shadows anymore,” Spike pointed out while he dusted the bookcases of the library. “It was kind of creepy.”

Twilight sighed. “I just want to help her. After everything that she has done for me, I owe it to her.”

“Twilight,” Rainbow called out, her posture changing from laid back to completely serious. “We are helping. You are helping her.”

The purple unicorn shook her head. “I know, but I want to do more. I never saw this Sunset that you girls are describing. I always saw her as the strong, arrogant bully that pushed me around to be better and annoyed me every time she could. Knowing now that she felt so isolated, that she always pushed herself so hard, maybe even harder than me, that she hid her pains to everypony, that she was willing to…”

Twilight finally realized that she had started rambling her thoughts and stopped, but Rainbow continued for her. “Protect you. She has always protected you. Just like she fought Nightmare Moon she would’ve fought anything that threatened to hurt you. Other than herself that is.” She added at the end with a smile to keep a high mood.

Twilight rubbed her eyes. “I guess I need to show her that I don’t need protection then.”

Rainbow chuckled. “I doubt that will stop her trying. Just be yourself Twilight. And be there for her when she finally opens up to you.”

Twilight smiled. “Thank you Rainbow.”

“So yah did have a heart to heart with Sunset,” Applejack said with a smug half-smile.

“Pinkie Promise,” Rainbow stated.

“No more to be said!” Pinkie exclaimed, ending any kind of argument instantly. “So, who’s turn is it now?”

Fluttershy cowered a little, hiding behind her hair. “Uh, it’s Rarity’s t-”

“Sorry darling, but I won’t be able to do it right now, I’ve a couple of orders that require my attention. So you will have to take my place,” explained the fashionista, the wink she gave to the rest of the group hidden from the pegasus by her pink mane.

Fluttershy got more nervous. “Oh… well… I…”

“Don’t worry Shy, you will do great,” Rainbow reassured her with a smile.

“She’s more scared of you that you are of her,” Pinkie added.

“She’s not a bear,” Twilight deadpanned.

“I think a bear would be easier,” Fluttershy muttered, still feeling insecure.

Applejack put a hoof over her friends back. “She said in her letter that she just wanted to understand yah. That’s all yah have to do. It will be fine.”

Fluttershy sighed, trying to gather some valor. “Okay, I will do it. Uhm, can somepony tell her to go to my house?”

“On it!” Rainbow exclaimed before flying out the door.
The rest of the girls exited the library, and Twilight walked to the stairs to go to her room and return to her studies.
“Twilight…”

The voice stopped her dead in her tracks. “Yes Spike?”

The tiny dragon descended the ladder and rubbed his arm nervously. “You and Sunset are sisters… even if you’re not related, right?”

“Well… yeah. We were raised together, we grew together, she taught me, tried to lecture me.” Twilight smiled at the memory. Sunset’s lecture had paled to the one Celestia gave to Sunset for it. “We clearly share a bond that has grown over the years. So, yes, in my eyes and hers, we’re both of the same family,” she said with a bit of pride.

Spike looked at her in the eyes. “Am I Sunset’s brother too?”

The question took Twilight completely by surprise, but she gave him a warm smile. “Do you want to be?”


Fluttershy was close to walking on the walls with how nervous she was.
Her animal friends looked at her with worry, even the bunny Angel had tried to calm her down, but she kept silently panicking while the time of day grew shorter.
Suddenly, they all felt a shiver run down their spines. Something was approaching them. Something dangerous.
Angel quickly jumped to lock the door while Harry picked Fluttershy up in a tight and literal bear hug.
Even if they all wanted to protect their caretaker, as the sense of danger got closer, the most fragile animals started to flee, leaving as many exits open as they could in case the larger animals needed a quick retreat.
“Uhm, what’s going on?” Fluttershy asked, very confused at how her animals were acting.
There was a knock on the door, and all but the pegasus took a step back, ready to fight.
“Oh, that must be Sunset. Uhm, Harry, can you let me go for a minute?” The bear just growled menacingly at the entrance.

“Fluttershy, are you in there?” Sunset’s voice called out, confusing the animals with the non-menacing tone in it.

“Guys, it’s fine, Sunset’s a…” ‘Friend? Good pony? Are they right in being worried? What if they hurt her? What if she hurts them? Why did I invite her here?!’
Her small mental panic only reinforced the ones in her animals, and her two otters helped Angel push small furniture against the door to lock the pony out.

Sunset’s voice called out again. “Look, if you don’t want to do this, I can understand. Just… I hope I can leave a better impression on you from now on.” There was a long pause, where no creature made a sound, until she spoke again. “Thanks for… trying…”

Fluttershy heard her walking away, and her animals relaxed as the threat retreated.
The pegasus felt a pang in her chest, and she freed herself from Harry’s hug, flew to the door, throwing away the flimsy barricade, and unlocked the door before going out.
Sunset, hearing all the commotion, turned around just in time to see the very worried pegasus stopping right in front of her.
Fluttershy immediately lost her words. “Sorry, I was…”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “About to lie an excuse?”

The pegasus lowered her ears. “Yes… the truth is that I’m just really nervous about this. And my animals are too. I never saw them like this.”

Sunset sighed. “We can just cancel it if you want. I just want to know something.” Fluttershy landed on the ground to listen to her, ready to answer her question. “Am I… still that pony in the mountain?”

Fluttershy blinked confused. “What?”

“You were the first that stood up to me. The first that recognized the menace I was. Even now it seems like your instincts tell you to stay away from me and hide your animals. So, I guess I still am that pony. That menace to the world.” Sunset looked dejectedly at the ground. “I… I can promise you to try and be better than that. I don’t know if it’s enough.”

“But, you’re already better than that,” Fluttershy responded still confused at her words. “You said that the anger consuming you is gone now. And we won’t feed it again. You’re better now.”

Sunset still looked at the ground. “Do you remember the dragon?” Fluttershy’s doubts disappeared. “That wasn’t anger, was it?”

The pegasus couldn’t help frowning at her. “No. You were… you were enjoying hurting him.” Fluttershy got angrier. “You wouldn’t have stopped if I didn’t say anything, would you?”

Sunset shook her head slowly. “I don’t know. I can’t remember what I was thinking then. I just remember anger, and him hurting you.”

Fluttershy got closer to her. “Regardless, you didn’t have to go that far, you could’ve stopped. You’re a very powerful unicorn, powerful enough to make a choice between hurting somecreature and helping them be better.”

Sunset felt tears trying to escape her eyes. “I’m sorry. I want to do better next time.”

Suddenly, Fluttershy hugged her, putting her head over her shoulder. “You already have. With Rainbow’s and Applejack’s dispute. And before that, you did it with Gilda, and with the manticore and the sea serpent. You can, have, and will do better if you want to Sunset. That’s what makes you an amazing pony.”

Sunset was confused. ‘Why is she suddenly being so nice to me?’ “But at the mountain I- I wasn’t better then.”

Fluttershy pulled her away so they could see each other eye to eye. “I also wasn’t better that day. If I had helped instead of cowering, you wouldn’t have needed to come save us. Nopony would’ve been hurt. We both failed that day.”

Sunset shook her head. “But… You said I was enjoying it.”

“Yeah, and none of us know why, and I will probably be upset for it for a time.” Fluttershy gave her a little smile. “But just like you, I can choose to give other chances and forgive you.”

Sunset looked at her, not fully believing her words. “I- I can’t… I don’t… I don’t deserve it.”

“You regret it a lot, don’t you? You want for it to never happen again. Keep that promise. And you will do better.”

Sunset still had conflicted feelings inside her, but she felt some relief at her words. If she believed she could do better, maybe she could too.
Shinning also believed her. And Twilight. And Luna. Cadence surely would too, and maybe even Celestia.
Sunset slowly smiled, and her tears stopped coming.

“Do you want some tea?” Fluttershy offered.

Sunset chuckled. “You don’t have coffee?” The pegasus shook her head. “I will ask Celestia to make it a necessity in Equestria.”

They both laughed and walked up to the cottage, where Fluttershy’s animals were looking at them with worry and confusion. Her caretaker walked up to them pointing at Sunset. “All of you say hi to Sunset. She’s a friend. She’s just as scared of you than you’re of her.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “I’m not a bear. No offence.”

Harry looked at his companions and Fluttershy before giving her a friendly wave, which the rest of the animals soon did too.
A little more confident, Sunset got closer and was finally allowed entrance to the cottage, although the animals chose to remain outside and watch her just in case.
“You’ve a lot more animals than what I was expecting.”

“Yeah, I take care of them and whoever needs it.” She then remembered something. “Wait, you’ve seen the animals in Celestia’s garden, right?”

Sunset was confused at the sudden enthusiasm. “Uhm, yeah. They are an attraction there for some reason.”

Fluttershy almost pounced on her. “How are them? What species do they have? Can you get a tour? Can you pet them?”

Sunset pushed the exited pegasus away from her personal space. “I don’t know, they aren’t pets, they just live there.”

Fluttershy looked confused. “What?”

“Some rich noble ‘acquires’ them, they get bored of it, Celestia adopts them and keeps them in the garden, they become wild again,” Sunset explained. “They won’t attack you, but they prefer to be left alone.”

Fluttershy got watery eyes. “Oh, poor things, I must see them at the gala.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. ‘Why is everypony obsessed with that thing?’ “You mentioned tea?”

Fluttershy snapped out of it. “Oh, yeah, I will go prepare it, make yourself at home,” Fluttershy offered before walking to the kitchen.

Sunset took a seat at a nearby table and looked at the small cottage. It was packed full of animal habitats, and the smell yelled that they were all being inhabited by somecreature, but something quickly caught her eye.
There was a small hole in the wall where she saw a small book hidden inside. She picked it up with her magic and brought it to her.
“SunLight? Is this some sort of novel?” She opened it and started reading. “Yeah, definitely a romance novel.” She continued reading it while she waited, really getting into the story, until she read who the main characters were.

“Don’t read that!” Fluttershy screamed coming from the kitchen, face completely red. “How did you find it?”

“There was a hole in the wall,” Sunset pointed out, and the pegasus realized her animals had revealed the hole when they moved the furniture for the barricade. “You know Twilight and I are sisters, right?”

The pegasus started to stammer nervously. “Well, I wrote it after the ticket incident, and finished it before you two made it official and…” Fluttershy realized Sunset wasn’t screaming at her, in fact she was still reading the book. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

“Oh, totally, I would never see Twilight in this way.” Sunset flipped to the next page. “And I will burn it, and your house, if somepony else sees it.”

Fluttershy’s blush was completely gone by now. “Why are you still reading it then?”

“Because… this is good. I don’t know much about literature other than magical encyclopedia, but I think this is very well written, and the plot is interesting.” She flipped another page. “I just wish you didn’t have to make it about me and Twilight.”

“Uhm, well…” Fluttershy pulled out a few more books from the hole. “I made some of other ponies if you’re interested.”

Sunset looked at her, closed the book, and chuckled. “Bonding time!”

After spending most of the day reading and chatting, Sunset walked back to her house with a smile. Today had been a lot of fun in the end. And that relief she had felt before hadn’t gone away.


The day was turning into night when Sunset heard a knock on the door to her house, and quickly went to open it, seeing nopony in front of her.

“Hi Sunset.”

The unicorn lowered her head, seeing the small form of Spike. “Hey Spike. What brings you here?”

“Uhm, well…” He fidgeted with his claws a little, avoiding her gaze, making Sunset worry about what could be happening to him. “Since Rarity is going to be too busy to see you tomorrow...” He finally looked her in the eyes. “Could you have one of those days with me?” Sunset was clearly surprised, so he backed down to explain. “I wa-” But was interrupted by a hug from the unicorn.

“Of course Spike. Any time you want.” She looked back at her house. “In fact, if you’re not busy, you can spend the night with me. Like when we- well, you, were little.”

“Please don’t remind me of that night,” Spike pleaded, the memory making him hug her back to feel her warmth, but something was off.

Sunset smiled. “Hey, you never made me promise to not bully you.”

Spike snapped his fingers. “Drat.”

They both shared a laugh before going inside the house, happy to spend time together after so long.

Author's Notes:


Sunset's morale has gone up!: +10

Current morale: 26/100


Find out about Spike’s and Sunset’s past experiences in the next chapter: Warmth


Have a nice existence.

I will be watching you.

Next Chapter: Chapter 19: Warmth Estimated time remaining: 6 Hours, 56 Minutes
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