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Seeking My Purpose In The World

by The Sleepless Beholder

Chapter 15: Chapter 15: Thank you

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Nightmare missed Luna’s mindscape.
She had a thousand years to fully explore it, learning everything about her and the creatures she knew, and it was a place she considered beautiful.
It had its similarities with the dreamscape since it was the place that she frequented constantly, but it was also full of all the things her old host held precious, like memories of her childhood, her first stumbling steps of courtship and romance, the now so distant and shaded memories of her parents, all displayed in detailed paintings that covered the theoretically endless expanse of her mind.
And there also were the bad memories, the ones of jealousy, fear, anger and shame. All the feelings that had cocooned in her mind and eventually birthed her.
Her current host’s mindscape, however, was filled with paper.
Full stacks of disorganized scrolls and sheets containing information about spells and magic mixed with her written down memories and ideas.
It was all strewn about over a shimmering golden floor under a bright red sun, filling everything with a blinding light that bothered her to no end.
It all reminded her too much of Celestia, which sadly made sense considering she raised her, but what really pained her was that with everything being a disorganized mess, it was proving extremely difficult for her to learn about her host and what spells she could use.
And that was before this whole problem.
Her host’s ever-growing instability had finally peaked, and her mind was suffering the consequences. The sun in the sky had been extinguished, and now the only light came from the ethereal body of her host’s mind-projection.
The little bright pony once walked in this ever-growing mass of processed dead trees, adding more to the pile every time her host learned something new or had a new experience.
But right now, it was asleep on the ground, completely vulnerable to her actions.
She wished that she could just replace it and take full control of the unicorn, but she wasn’t really there. She was, as many creatures would call it, a parasite in her host’s body, and could only project herself into her mind and influence it moderately.
But that was just a matter of time, at least if her host didn’t end up destroying itself.
So, looking at her host’s mind-projection, she wondered; “How will I fix you?”

“How many times will I see you in a hospital bed?” she heard through ears that were not hers.

“Oh, don’t start crying Celestia, it never helps,” Nightmare grumbled while trying to think, but the conversation around her host’s body wasn’t helping.

“Are you sure of what you saw?” the traitor asked, probably to the alicorn of love.

“I’m sure of it, which is why I can’t believe it. I’m sure that Sunset loves herself. She’s driven and determined and prideful,” the pink alicorn responded still in a slight panic.

“What if something removed it?” the traitor asked next.

“You mean a spell?... I guess it could be. Maybe her death-defying spell could have a side-effect like that?”

Nightmare sighed. “I shouldn’t have pushed her so much at the mountain. Or drown her.
But how could I’ve guessed she would react this way? Luna had a much tougher skin than this one. She’s just such an unstable mess of anger and-” Nightmare’s rambling stopped as she felt something at the tip of Sunset’s horn. One of the alicorns was trying to form a magical connection with her, probably so they could search for a way to fix her.
She quickly flew off and hid inside the shadows and paper, watching closely as another light appeared in the mindscape, one as bright as her host’s mind-projection.
Celestia.” She almost spat the word from her mouth as she saw the light dim down until she could se the ethereal form of the alicorn’s own mind projection.
Nightmare had to hold herself back from launching an attack on the unsuspecting monarch. She knew that even if she managed to overpower her and take over her mind, trapping her inside her host like she was, there were two alicorns in the room that would put a quick end to her, and there was still the problem of the elements that nearly destroyed her twice.
She knew that she had to take her time, to wait until the right moment to strike. But she was right there.
She had to destroy her and rule Equestria. It was her destiny. It was the reason she was born.
Nightmare found herself clawing at her own skin trying to keep herself in place, fighting her most basic instincts.
Celestia walked up to the little shimmering Sunset and brushed her hair softly, looking at her with a sad expression.
‘Did you really just come in here to cry?’ Nightmare wondered, but then she saw Celestia look away from Sunset, but still facing the floor.

“Are you alive?” the alicorn asked.

‘Did she lose her mind?’ Nightmare wondered.

A couple of seconds passed while Celestia seemed like she was about to cry. “Sunshine?”
The entire mindscape shook violently, and Nightmare could feel the temperature in her host’s body start to rise. ‘What’s happening?’

The tremor didn’t stop for Celestia, who had tears in the corners of her eyes. “I should’ve known this would happen.”

‘She’s still looking down?’ Nightmare moved the papers until she saw the golden floor and tried to dig her claws into it, but a great magical force repelled her efforts. ‘This isn’t a floor. This is a barrier. Why?’

Celestia looked back at the shimmering Sunset for moment before returning to look at the barrier. “Sunshine I wa-” A roar of pure rage resounded from the floor, making it turn red for a second. Tears were finally falling from Celestia’s eyes. “You’re right. I don’t deserve to call you like that.” She held back a sob and continued talking. “But I want you to listen to me.”
A new tremor shook the mindscape, but it was much milder than the ones before.
Celestia took it a yes. “I know I made a horrible decision all those years ago. And I will never expect you to forgive me.” The mindscape trembled in an angry agreement. “And I know that I kept making bad decisions with you. Putting Twilight over you.” The floor shook harder. “Staying distant instead of supportive.” And harder. “Think that my mistake would simply stay silent behind this barrier.” And harder.
Celestia put a hoof against her chest, gritting her teeth with guilt and pain. “But you can’t be free.”
The floor turned completely red, papers flying everywhere, and Nightmare thought that the barrier would explode at any moment.
Celestia lowered her head, her snout against the floor, like if she were trying to calm the thing at the other side of it. “You know what will happen if you continue this. You heard it from Cadence. You will destroy-” A voice from the other side interrupted her, shaking the mindscape with every word.

…only you.

Celestia recoiled, clearly shook from the response.

I hate you! only you!

The alicorn closed her eyes. “But doing that, you will destroy Sunset too. that’s why I want to fix things with you. I want to do better. To make your life, from now on, the happiest it can be.”

You don’t deserve it!

Celestia’s tears continued hitting the floor. “I know. But this is not about me asking for your forgiveness. You can, and have every right, to hate me for the rest of my days. But your hatred at me, at Twilight, her friends, and… yourself. Has to stop. You’ve seen what it did to you. Do you really believe that keeping this up will end well for any of us?”

Nightmare had to hold her mouth shut to stop herself form laughing. ‘Celestia, pathetic waste of an alicorn. Just how many of me did you create with your stupid decisions? No wonder it was so easy to push my host towards destruction. It was all already here, just waiting for the chance to get out.’
It all started to make sense now. A piece of her host was working against the rest, trying to erase all that Celestia had made her into.

The alicorn stood up, drying her tears before speaking. “I can only promise to do better for Sunset. And I only ask you to let her grow without hatred.” Celestia took some air. “I beg you. Let her be happy and heal.”
The alicorn lowered her head until her horn touched the floor, and a miniscule hole appeared in the barrier. “The choice is in your hooves.”
With that, the alicorn floated towards the sky, and exited the mindscape.

Nightmare finally let out a laugh, rejoicing in her opponent’s pain and misery. “You’re a fool Celestia. She will never go against her instinct. She will do anything to destroy you.” She felt another connection being made, this time one familiar to her, and as the pink magic reached the sleeping form of her host’s mind-projection, the colors and strings appeared again.
Nightmare’s smile disappeared as a string came out of the hole in the barrier and made its way towards Sunset.
“No… No!” She launched herself forward and cached the string before it could make the connection. “You dare mock me? You think yourself better than me? That you can go against your very nature at your own will? Well let me tell you something, ‘sister’.”
Nightmare took the string with both hands. “I don’t need the competition.” And snapped it in half.
The entire mindscape shook violently, and red flames shot out of the hole in the barrier, threatening to expand it enough for an escape, but Nightmare sealed it back up with her magic. She then looked at the string in her hand, and then at the sleeping Sunset.
“I guess it doesn’t matter to which part of you is connected.”


Cadence looked intently at Sunset’s body, hoping that whatever her aunt did would have a positive effect.
Her eyes went wide as a new string came out of Sunset’s heart, and slowly but surely, looped back to reconnect with it.
“It worked!” she screamed getting close to the bed, and a new development took her by surprise. The infection of anger started to rapidly recede from all her body back to it’s apparent origin, Sunset’s cutie mark, before disappearing completely. “Her anger… is gone too.” She teared up as she saw that with the anger gone, other feelings managed to make presence and push back the rest into a much safer stability.

“That’s most excellent! Isn’t that right dear sister.” Luna looked at Celestia, who despite the clear smile of relief and happiness, she could tell something else was hiding behind her eyes.

Celestia spoke in almost a whisper, but her voice had a very unusual commanding tone, especially for her family. “Everything is alright for now. But when Sunset goes back to Ponyville, I will need to speak with you two. I will need your help.”
The two other alicorns were surprised at the request but nodded in agreement.
Just then, Sunset’s eyes slowly opened, groggy and trying to determine where she was. “What happened?”

Cadence took her hooves into hers, tears of joy running down her cheeks. “Celestia fixed it. You’re okay now, and you will be even better from now on.”

Sunset seemed to have problems processing the news. “W-what? Really?”

“It would appear we found a way to nullify your anger. I can’t say that its forever fixed, but you shouldn’t explode anytime soon.”

Sunset joined Cadence with her own tears, and looked at the third alicorn, standing there with a warm smile. “Thank you. thank you so much.”

Celestia broke at the words and used her magic to take Sunset out of the bed and into her arms, hugging her with borderline desperation, her own tears finally flowing out of her physical eyes.
Cadence quickly joined in the hug, and Luna settled with brushing Sunset’s mane with a smile.

Sunset felt a joy that she never felt before. She felt like a completely new pony. “Thanks, All of you. I love you so much.”

Author's Notes:


Sunset’s morale ̶̖̜͘e̷̹͉̒ͅr̸͇̹̩͆r̵̺͆͠ọ̶̜̓̅̈r̸͙̪̂̋: ë̷̫̠͍͆̓ȓ̵͉̝͛͝r̸̝̗͚͛̇̚ȍ̴̮̏̏̕ŗ̵̺̖̏͋̈́̓͝

C̷̼̼̿̅̎̓͆u̶̫̱̎̊r̷͎͉̘͒ȓ̴̢̦̖͎͔̈́͌̊͝ḛ̸̞̯͂̋̕n̵̞̗̖̒͝ṱ̴̪͇̝̉͊̆̈́̕ : -80/100
Current m̷̠͂̄̅̆͌ǫ̴̭̙͎͘͠r̸͈͑̅̎͝ą̷̰̰̪̝͆l̷̢̤̤̪̖͌̃̀̏̅ḙ̷̫͌͛̎: 100/100
Current morale: 0̷̫̝͂̔̒͋͠3̷̢̩͓͚͋́͒͜/̷̨̞̗̯̌͒̈͜9̴͈̮̼́̓̀͊̚9̸̪͚̫̬̹͋̈́9̵̦̼͂͝
Current morale: 0/100


Now that I've written this one, I wonder if it would've been better if this one and the last chapter were just one big chapter.
What do you think?

I will be watching you.

Next Chapter: Chapter 16: Getting Back to Business Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 28 Minutes
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