Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ollXLx9eCrZ0cRqUXd-ByFNbkl6Ka6J0tjT6Zy0VDNo/edit

Learning how to use a sword should be easier than this. I was a whole lot better than when I started, but the naga was better still. He hauled me off the ground after yet another failed bout and pointed behind me. “We have a guest.”

I looked behind me to find someone I wasn’t expecting to ever see again. “Braeburn?” I whispered. I looked back to the naga. “Break time. I need to see what he wants.”

“Very well. I can help Taya instead.” Her trainer left a week ago and she didn’t have anyone else to practice with. The naga was relatively resilient, giving her a target to practice with.

He started slithering to the back door while I moved to Braeburn, who looked like he had walked around the house to get back here.

“Long time no see,” I commented when I was close enough, removing my helmet and putting it on its hook. “What’ve you been up to?”

“This and that,” he answered with a wide smile. “How have you been?”

“Surprisingly well, given my occupation. What brings you ‘round these parts?”

“Cousin Applejack needed help with the harvest. She called for everypony anypony could spare. As it turns out… I’m it.”

“As big as her family is, how are you the only one that was able to come help?”

He shrugged. “It’s harvest everywhere. Most of us have crops we have to tend to. Don’t think anypony realized just how badly Applejack needed us, though. Have you seen the size of some of her plants?”

“No, actually. I don’t get over that way often. She told me she was going to need my help, though. Is it really that bad?”

He nodded. “I don’t know what most of those plants are, but they’re all massive. Melons the size of a pony’s body, tubes the size of one of our legs, all kinds of things! We’re gonna have our work cut out for us, that’s for sure.”

“Damn shame I told her I’d help, then. That sounds like a lot of work that I don’t really want to do. When are we starting?”

“Tomorrow morning, bright and early! She said if you didn’t get there soon enough, I could give you a nice wakeup call.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary, unless she decides to start before dawn. Think she’d mind too much if I brought a few others?”

“I don’t think she’d say no. I sure wouldn’t.” The way his voice changed, I don’t think he was talking about farming anymore.

Now, I was somewhat tempted to take him up on his little offer, but after about two months with almost no sex, I was actually feeling… better. I don’t know how much better, but it was like a haze was lifted off my eyes and everything else seemed more vibrant.

So I nodded. “Then I’ll be sure to bring them with me. I’m sure Taya, a naga, and a changeling will be useful.”

“Alrighty. I reckon I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Remember, bright and early.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Take care.”

“You too, Nav.” And like that, he was off. He didn’t seem to mind that I shrugged off his offer and I did tell him that I was probably done with stallions, so I was hoping that would be the end of it. Either way, I knew I was in for a busy couple of days.

When I went back inside, I found the naga, Taya, Cadance, and Eva in the kitchen. “So who wants to play farmer for a week?” I asked, kicking the door shut behind me.

I received a number of uninterested looks. Ames eventually said, “While farming is one of the most respected professions in the naga clans, few of us have any desire to be one. For what cause would we ‘play farmer’?”

“Applejack’s harvest is going on and she has more work than she can handle. When she sent out a request for help from her family, only one person showed up. I agreed to help a month ago and there will be a few volunteers from town, but that’s it. She’s gonna need more help.”

“I’ll go!” Eva happily answered, eager for a way to please me.

“And I don’t mind helping,” Cadance answered. “Celly always told me it was good to see where my food came from, said it would give me a better appreciation for it.”

“I don’t see her fat ass agreeing to help us. What about you, Taya? I know Twilight’s supposed to be there and I’ve seen her pull entire orchards of apples out of trees at a time. She can probably teach you better telekinetic control or whatever.”

“…That could be useful, I guess. I suppose I’ll go.”

I looked over to the naga and shrugged. “With your two students going, you’ll be bored just sitting around the house. I know an extra pair of hands would be appreciated. There’s plenty of farm work that hands are better for than hooves.”

He sighed. “Very well. If nothing else, I imagine it will be good exercise.”

I heard a wooden rattling and looked that way to see Freki wagging his tail. “Yeah, you can come too. Now, we’ll probably go around the time that the sun comes up. So go to bed early.”

“What about Doppel?” Eva asked.

“I don’t think Doppel is much of a farming person,” I answered with a shrug. “She isn’t suited to hard work.” I looked back over to the naga. “Want to keep training? We still have a few hours of sun.”

“Very well, though I will need to leave to hunt soon. If I’m going to be spending the next week on a farm, I will need to stock up.” I found it pretty amusing that Cadance didn’t even flinch at that anymore.

“Eh. A few more hours won’t do much for me. We can both go hunting instead. And yes, Freki, you can also go.” He seemed to grin as I walked out of the kitchen to go get changed into something more suitable for flying over the forest.

At this point, the naga and I had hunting in that place down to an art. He would go in on the ground and make as much noise as possible to scare something into moving away from him or to bait something into attacking him. I’d pick whatever moved off from the air, since I had better sightlines. We found that it worked wonders.

I woke up early the next morning, as I always do. A quick glance out the window showed the sun was about halfway over the horizon. Too damn early in the morning for this shit. I quickly did my morning routine and went on downstairs to wait for everyone else.

The naga and Cadance were already there. “So if you’re going to harvest, who’s taking care of your spawn?” the naga was asking as I sat down at the kitchen table.

“Doppel. After so long, I think I can trust her. And since she can pretend to be me, there shouldn’t be any problems with Skyla.”

“So with an alicorn and two overpowered unicorns, how long should this take?” I asked, ruffling my feathers as they continued to dry from my shower.

“I don’t really use my magic for much,” Cadance answered. “I suppose I have an alicorn’s strength, but I don’t know how much that will be worth without much training. I’m sure Twilight and Taya will be able to help, though.”

“If Taya ever gets down here, sure. Hm… If we’re going to have a long day of working, we’ll need to start it right. Cadance, if you start cooking, I can go drag their lazy asses downstairs.”

“That’s a good idea, but you might want to let them take showers first.”

“Eh, maybe. See you in a few minutes.” She hopped up and walked over to the food storage receptacle while I walked back down the hall to head upstairs again. I don’t think the naga said a word.

I went down to Taya’s room first. I heard her moving around, so I knew she was up. I just knocked on her door and called, “Ten minutes to breakfast.”

“Okay, daddy!” I don’t know what she was doing and I don’t really care. With her notified and getting ready, I went to go wake up Mimeo. He wasn’t moving around, so I gently knocked on the door. When I didn’t get an answer, I pushed it open.

The glowing eyes of Freki greeted me from the corner he had taken to sitting in. Mimeo was still asleep, the curtains drawn tightly around the window. I walked over and poked him. “Time to wake up,” I merrily said.

His solid blue eyes flashed open. “Why so early?” he whispered, still very tired.

“Because you’re helping me farm.”

“Eva agreed to that. I did not.”

I crossed my arms. “You’ve been living in my house for over a month now, doing nothing but freeloading. I said when I brought you in that you were working for me. Well, consider this your first real job. Now come on.” I reached down and grabbed him, slinging him over a shoulder. “Freki, come.” The not so little wolf stood up and began following me out the room.

“You don’t have to carry me,” Mimeo said behind my back. He didn’t seem to be fighting, though, choosing instead to hang there limply.

“Yeah, but making you uncomfortable amuses me.” I could practically hear both him and Flo rolling their eyes.

Before I could get to the stairs, one of the doors opened and Doppel walked out in her sexy little maid uniform. She looked up to my shoulder and sighed. “Nav, did you get the wrong changeling again? At least last time it was a girl!”

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the noise Eva made when I threw her on the bed. And then what she said… ‘What are we gonna do on the bed, Navi?’ Major boner killer, man.

“Nah, I’m not looking to get my dick wet this time. Just a wakeup call.”

“I see. Why aren’t I going with you to the farm?”

I shrugged, bouncing Mimeo up and down. “Someone has to watch Cadance’s brat. And I don’t really want to leave the house completely empty, either.”

Mimeo snorted. “I thought your reasoning was because she’d be bad at it.” I shrugged my left shoulder harder, jostling him even more.

“I’ve never tried farming before,” she mused, tapping her chin with a hoof. “What makes you think I’d be bad at it?”

“I didn’t say that you would be. I said that I don’t think you’d be suited for it. You’re a maid now and you were a spy before. You might do a lot of cardio, but other than that, you don’t really do much working out. I just don’t think hard, labor-intensive work is what you’d be best at.”

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right. Still, I could probably help somehow.”

“Eh. The other points are still true. Someone needs to look after Skyla and I don’t want to leave the house empty. I trust you can manage?”

She lifted a hoof for a salute. “Of course, master.”

“Excellent. Now, no debauched orgies in front of the baby.”

She sighed and kicked at the floor. “Fiiiine. I’ll find something else to do instead. I suppose I could finally look over that Kama Sutra book you gave me…”

“Let me know what you think. Now, I gotta get this lazy bum downstairs. Have fun, Doppel. Lord only knows the rest of us won’t.”

She giggled and said, “I’ll be sure to be ready when you get back with a nice… stress reliever, then. With how you’ve been neglecting me, I know you need it.”

“Yeah, I probably will. See you tonight, then.” With that, I was finally on my way back to the kitchen. I unceremoniously dumped Mimeo in a chair when I got down there and took up a seat next to him.

“Your shoulder is not very comfortable, Navarone,” he said, not even looking at me.

“Your hard carapace isn’t that comfortable either. Just remember that the next time you decide to be lazy and sleep in.”

“To be fair,” Cadance said, “he never agreed to help. That was Eva.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s just been freeloading. I figure it’s about time he had something to do.”

“It’s your own fault that none of them had anything to do, Nav,” she said. “You brought them in here knowing there wouldn’t be much for them to do.”

“Yeah, yeah, cry me a river. Now, how many of you have ever done any kind of farm work before?” No answers. “Didn’t think so. I haven’t done much here in Ponyville, but if it’s anything like it was back in my world, it’ll involve a lot of heat and sweat. If changelings or naga even can sweat. You’ll need to replenish fluids a lot, so keep plenty of water near you. And if you’re doing much physical labor, you’ll need to be ready to take breaks. You don’t want to get heat sickness, after all.”

“Can’t we just get Rainbow Dash or somepony else to cover the farm in clouds?” Cadance asked.

“Oh yeah, we could ask. But you know how those Cloudsdale bastards are. I’m sure between your princess status and my knighthood, we can probably get some kind of cover. We’ll have to ask Dash. It’s a good idea, though; it’ll be a lot less painful for everyone involved if we didn’t have to worry about the sun.”

“I guess you still aren’t quite used to ponies being able to move the clouds,” Cadance commented, flipping the hash browns she was cooking with magic.

“I just don’t actively think about it. You’d think I’d be more used to these things after so much time here.”

“That’s what you have the rest of us around for. So where’s Taya?”

“Upstairs getting ready. I don’t know what she’s doing, but she’ll be down in time for breakfast. Doppel’s also awake, doing something up there.”

“Well, it’s almost ready so she better get down here soon.” I just leaned back in my seat and waited, knowing I’d want all the time relaxing I could get soon enough.

Taya didn’t take much longer to get downstairs. She joined us at the table in silence. A few minutes later, Cadance finished breakfast and we hastily ate. With food in our bellies, we began down the road to Applejack’s not very humble orchard. On the way there we found Braeburn.

“Ah, there you are. Applejack was wondering where y’all were.”

“It takes time to get five people moving,” I answered with a shrug. “Braeburn, meet Mimeo, the naga, and Princess Cadance.”

When I said the princess part, his eyes jerked to her back and noticed her wings. After a second of gaping, he hastily bowed.

“Please, none of that,” Cadance was quick to say. “I don’t want anypony bowing or scraping at all, let alone while we’re working on the farm.” When Braeburn was back up, looking away and blushing, she nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Braeburn. You’re somepony that’ll be helping us, right?”

“Yes, Princess. I’ll just… run ahead to let Applejack know y’all’re comin’.” He galloped back off down the road before anyone could say anything.

“What a queer pony,” the naga idly commented before moving again.

“You don’t know the half of it,” I sighed, joining him. Thankfully, he didn’t ask what I meant by that so I didn’t have to explain that Braeburn took it in the ass. That would bring up the awkward question of how I knew, which would bring up what I did with him, and the naga is a severe homophobe. He didn’t need to know and I had no intention of telling him. The others fell in behind us as we continued to the farm.

By the time we got there, Applejack and her cadre of close friends were waiting for us. “‘Bout time y’all got here,” Applejack said with a small smile. “You ready for work, I hope?”

“Yep. Quick question before we start, though. Would it affect anything if we got some cloud cover to keep the sun off us?”

“Well, it would be mighty nice… Rainbow, you think you can help us out?”

“Uh… I could ask, but I don’t know if they’d just let me up and bring some clouds over here.”

I grinned and said, “Tell them you have a princess here that might get heat stroke if she has to deal with the sun too much. And also tell them that they’ll have an angry knight making their lives hard if they don’t throw us a bone.”

Dash nodded. “That’ll be enough, I bet. I’ll be back soon!” She took off in a flash, shooting off toward town.

I turned back to Applejack. “Well, where do you want us?”

She turned to Twilight. “Can you take Princess Cadance and Taya and get them pickin’ apples in the east orchard?”

“Of course, Applejack.” She began leading Taya and Cadance off.

“Big Mac, you take Pinkie, Fluttershy, and the changeling and get to work on the northeast field. I’ll join y’all later.”

“Eeyup.” The huge stallion led his two mares and Mimeo away, dragging a large cart behind him. Freki followed behind them, knowing he had to keep an eye on Mimeo for me.

“Hmmm… Braeburn, you take the big guy, Rarity, and Spike on down to the finger fields. They oughta be able to do good there. When you get them started, join me and Big Mac in the northeast field.”

“…Finger fields?” I asked.

“A lot of them seeds you gave me grew things that weren’t made to be picked by hooves, Nav. They grow on or in the ground and fingers or claws or talons are much easier to get them with. I reckon them three can do a good job there.”

“Why aren’t I going, then?”

She eyed my hands as they all walked off. “I got… somethin’ else in mind for you. C’mon.”

“You know, if you wanted another belly rub, all you had to do was ask.”

“Now, I’m not gonna say I don’t want another, but that ain’t what I had in mind. Grab those pails there.” I picked the metal buckets up and continued following her. “Now I don’t judge and I don’t put much in store of rumors, but are some of the things I’ve heard about you and those hands true?”

“Yes. That said, I have no idea what you’ve heard.”

“That they’re good with mares. And a certain stallion.”

“Then definitely yes.”

“Good. You’re just what I need.” Given that we were entering the relatively dark barn, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that.

“So… what am I going to be doing?”

She grinned, reaching up to pull a lamp switch. “Mornin’ call, ladies!” The light flickered on to reveal a large number of cows. “This here’s your new milker.” Oh dear God, why? “Nav, I believe you know some of these cows. This here’s Daisy Joe. She’ll show you around, get you to know everyp—er, cow.”

The bovines around us were starting to wake up, stretching and being cows. “Uh, I’m not so sure about this…” I said, looking around me in thinly veiled horror.

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Nav. They don’t mind it at all! Now I’ll just leave y’all to get acquainted. You need anything, Granny Smith’s in the house and I’ll be in the northeast field with the others.” She left before I could tell her the reason I didn’t want to do this.

Flo, have I ever told you how much I hate cows?

“No, you haven’t. That said, I think I understand why.”

Smelly, filthy, monstrous, mindless. Even in this world, most aren’t smart. Fuck, I hate cows.

“I’m afraid you’ll just have to deal with it. I don’t think there will be much of a problem, honestly. Just tolerate them, Nav.”

I sighed and walked over to the one named Daisy. “So what exactly am I supposed to do?” I asked her.

She gave me a rather unsettling grin. “Milking isn’t hard, dontcha know? Just feel around down there until you find my teats, then start pulling. I’ll guide you through it. Pull that stool over and we’ll get started.” For some reason, there was a stool against the wall. Who uses this? I just shrugged, dragged it over, and sat down beside her. “Now, put the pail under the udder.” Down it went, right under the pale mass of flesh and milk. “Wrap your hands around two of the teats.” I did so and she sighed loudly. “Oooh, they’re warm…”

“Is that a problem? I can stop if you want!” Please, god, let me stop.

“No, no… Now, squeeze the base and gently pull down, squeezing with the rest of your hand.” I did so and was rewarded with a squirt of milk in the pail. She shuddered and whispered, “More.” I swallowed and continued milking her, really hoping that she wasn’t getting off to it.

It took me twenty. Fucking. Minutes to milk that cow. About five minutes in, more of the cows around us began waking up and crowding around, watching what I was doing. There were a number of whispers and giggles that I did my best to ignore.

When Daisy was finally finished, she sighed in satisfaction and shivered her entire body. “And that’s how you milk a cow, dontcha know?”

“I… I do now, I guess,” I answered, glancing at the two full buckets of milk I got from her. “So… what do I do with these?”

“Oh, we’ll handle those. You just get on to the next one, now!”

“Just so I know, how many of you are there?”

“Oh, I think the last count was only around forty-four or so.”

I think I felt tears coming to my eyes. Flo ‘hmmed’ and commented, “That’s over fourteen hours of milking, at this rate. Better get to work.”

I’m never volunteering for Applejack again. Christ. Daisy stepped aside and two cows grabbed her buckets before another stepped into her place, giving me a creepy grin. “Well, what’re you waiting for, bull?” I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Instead of moaning, this one mooed when I grabbed at her teats. I shivered and began milking her. The noises she was making didn’t make me feel all that great about it, that’s for sure. When her twenty minutes were up, the buckets were removed and replaced by other cows as a third cow stepped into place. She just looked at me with half-lidded eyes and a lascivious grin.

I sighed and began milking her. Her eyes squeezed shut and she turned her head away, biting her lip. At least she isn’t making noises. Until I thought that, of course. “Like… little tentacles, having their way with me,” she whispered. “Do whatever you want, mister tentacle monster.”

…Flo?

“Yes, Nav, I’ll take over. Feel free to curl into a ball and cry.” I withdrew from my body and let Flo take over as I summoned a large bed that I could fall on and pretend that cow never opened her mouth. I didn’t even open a window to the outside to watch everything.

I think an hour passed before Flo said, “Nav, I can’t hold on anymore. You have to take back over.”

“What? Why?!”

“I’ve told you this before. I can only stay in control for so long, even if you’re not fighting. I got another four done, though; if you get the technique down, it goes faster.”

I gulped and nodded. “Alright. Give me control back.” I blinked and found myself back on the stool. A cow was just stepping into place when I came to. I loudly popped my knuckles and she flinched.

“P-please be gentle,” she whispered. “It’s my first time.”

I was extremely tempted to just get up and walk away. In hindsight, I wish I had. “I’ll try,” I answered instead of doing the smart thing. When I reached down for her teats, she flinched and then sighed. I think I saw her tail twitch upwards when I pulled one down to start milking. Her breathing slowly picked up as I continued and I was starting to wonder if she was going to be okay.

My question was answered when she finally half-moaned, half-mooed and something splashed under her legs. My mind froze for a few seconds as she caught her breath and all the cows around me gasped. “D-did you just…”

Daisy quickly jumped forward, wrapping a leg around the cow’s shoulders. “It’s okay, dear. A lot of us really enjoy our first times, dontcha know.”

She… she did just… cum… Oh God, I think I’m gonna be sick. I jumped off the stool and fucking sprinted from the barn, pushing cows out of my way to get out faster. When I got outside, I ran to the side of the barn, put a hand against the wall, leaned over, and gagged, trying to hold back my breakfast. Just when you think you’ve gotten used to something, you find something that’s even worse! Christ, why did it have to be cows?

“You alright there, part’?” Braeburn asked, touching my side with his hoof.

I flinched back and gagged one last time before groaning, “No.”

“Cows get to you? Applejack told me that she’d talk to them. Guess it didn’t do any good.”

“She… she knew they got off to that?”

“Well, I don’t think any of them ever actually got off to it before, but they do enjoy it.” I slowly turned my head to him, showing off my bloodshot eyes and horrified expression. He flinched back and said, “So… one of them got off to it, huh?” I pushed back away from the wall and brushed past him, walking toward the northeast field. I had a certain orange pony to yell at. Braeburn just sighed and started following me.

My rage didn’t abate in the slightest on the long walk—though I don’t think you could call what I was doing walking—to where Applejack was trying to repair a fence. I could see Mimeo and Pinkie near us, working on the apple trees.

“Applejack!” Her head jerked up, somehow bumping into the fencepost. She turned to me, rubbing her head. “You didn’t tell me they’d get off to that!”

She scratched at one of her ears, flipping it up and down. “Can you repeat that?”

I walked over to her, knelt down, grabbed her ear, and yelled, “I just got molested by your fucking cows!”

She jumped back at the screaming, knocking over the entire fence. “I didn’t think you’d mind! You said the rumors were true!”

I don’t think anyone on this world has ever seen me truly angry before. Applejack just changed that. “You didn’t think? Why does that not surprise me?” Maybe it was the very angry tone I was using or maybe it was the look on my face, but she started backing up, fear on her face. I started advancing, not finished with her. “Milk the cows, you said. Why didn’t you mention they fucking got off to that?! Did that slip your mind? Did you truly think I wouldn’t mind being turned into a fucking WHORE?!”

With that last remark, she fell over some of the logs the fence was made of, falling into a trench behind her. A throat cleared behind me and Mimeo said, “Whores get paid, Navarone. You volunteered.”

I very slowly turned around, the look on my face making both Pinkie and Braeburn flinch and start backing up. “I volunteered? No. You just did.” Mimeo blinked in confusion, but I was on him in an instant. With one hand around the back of his neck and the other hand on his tail, I started dragging his black ass back to the barn. Thankfully, he didn’t even try struggling. I think Braeburn and Freki followed us, but I wasn’t really paying attention.

When we got back to the entrance of the barn, I dropped his neck and used his tail to sling him into the mass of cows. “There’s your new fucking milker. Enjoy.” I turned to Braeburn and Freki and looked down at my wolf. “Make sure he stays here and does his job. He starts slacking, you start gnawing.” He happily barked before sitting down next to the barn doors. Braeburn had a look on his face that I couldn’t identify. “Well, where are the so-called finger fields? I might as well get started there.”

“Nav… are you alright?”

“I’m better now. I don’t get angry often and I usually calm down quickly. Lead the way.”

“Well, if you’re sure… Right this way.” He started leading me west, away from the others. “I don’t know if you’d call that angry, though. Furious looked more like it.”

“I don’t like being used like that. Especially without knowing what I’m stepping into. And what’s worse is that she didn’t even think I would be upset about it! Is my reputation really that bad?”

“I don’t know much about your reputation here in Ponyville, but from what I’ve read on the newspapers, you ain’t exactly got the best morals out there. Sure, you do the right thing, but there apparently ain’t no mare out there that’s safe from yeh.”

“That is an extreme exaggeration. So I like sex. Big fucking deal. I haven’t done anything my partners didn’t want and I never propositioned anyone that didn’t seem at least slightly interested. How is that so bad?”

“Hey, I don’t judge either way. I cain’t, not after what we did. Not that I’m complainin’, mind. It just doesn’t exactly help convince me of yer point.”

“You’re still the only stallion I’ve done anything with, if that makes you feel any better.”

“You sure about that? I’ve read a bunch of things in the paper that say you’re with the captain of the royal guard.”

“Those are rumors that I started to fuck with him. He’s happily married to a loving princess. They even have a kid.”

“See, this is why nopony likes the news anymore. It’s all lies! I bet next you’ll tell me that Princess Celestia isn’t even a narwhal in disguise.”

“God, someone actually put that in a paper? I was telling a joke to a bunch of reporters!”

“Well, after that big scandal with her and that model a few months ago, everypony’s been more willing to find things out about her. I figured, you know, maybe she really was. Even if I don’t know what a narwhal is…”

“It’s a large sea animal with a horn. I just said that because she’s fat.” He flinched, jerking his eyes toward me in shock. “What? It’s true. That said, I like ‘em nice and squishy. More to hold onto, you know?”

“Um…” He looked down to his hooves.

“Well, maybe you don’t know. Trust me, Celestia’s pretty fun in the sack. You should find some guy with a nice ass and see if you can convince him to let you ride him.”

Braeburn at this point was turning several shades of red. I don’t think he was really used to speaking so openly about stuff like that. After about half a minute of awkward silence, he finally said, “I… I bottom.”

“Oh. Well, never mind then. Though I guess you could make an exception. I don’t really know what that feels like.”

He muttered something that I didn’t quite catch. Since I know mutters are supposed to be ignored, I didn’t call him on it. Eventually we got to the ‘finger field,’ where I saw Spike and Rarity reenacting the South in 1830. Rarity was lying back in some manner of lounge chair, her horn glowing to pull at some crops, while Spike was constantly bending over in the hot sun to pick others. The naga was actually on the ground, acting like a snake with arms to pick things.

“Now I remember why I hate farming,” I sighed.

“You used to farm back where you come from?” Braeburn asked as I put some leather gloves on.

“Sort of. I didn’t do much plant picking, but I dealt with a lot of animals. And holy shit, look at the size of that okra!” I didn’t actually look at what they were harvesting until that point. Those things were fucking huge!

“I told you they were big, Nav. I’ve never seen anything like ‘em, either! What’s okra?”

“Those tubes that Rarity’s grabbing. They get to be long, but not that big. I wonder what the hell could have caused that…”

Flo whispered, “The different atmosphere. The seeds you brought here weren’t accustomed to it, so when they sprouted, they sprouted big.”

“I don’t know and it ain’t really my problem,” Braeburn answered with a shrug. “There ain’t too many of these plants. Applejack said she only had enough seeds to get a test crop done. Should take you the rest of today and tomorrow to finish these off. After that, I’m sure Applejack can find more stuff for you to do. Now, I need to get back to helping her. With that changeling gone, we gotta do more to make up for it.”

“You know, I could just get a giant dragon here that could slam the ground with a fist and probably knock down a fuckton of apples.”

“I’m uh… I’m not sure Applejack would want a dragon around her crops.” I turned to him, lifted an eyebrow, turned my head to Spike for a second, and then looked back to him. He followed my gaze and thought for a second. “Well, a dragon she don’t know. I mean, I’ll mention it to her, but no promises about her actually taking you up on it. After all, she has plenty of property to worry about getting damaged, too.”

“True enough. Well, I reckon I should get started. Thanks for showing me the way.”

“No problem. And I need to get back, too. See you later, Nav.”

And thus began one of the most mind-numbing and torturous tasks I’ve ever done.

A few hours into the backbreaking work, Rarity came over to where I was trying to figure out how to move a watermelon the size of Applebloom. “Navarone, can we talk about something?”

“Well, if I said no, I’d already ruin my answer just by replying. What do you need?” Maybe I can roll it?

“Has Spike said anything to you about me?”

“Yeah.” I tried giving the watermelon an experimental push. It wobbled and I sighed.

“Anything in particular? I’ve tried talking to him and Twilight, but neither have been very forthcoming.”

“Well, you pissed Spike off something fierce. Not only telling him that you weren’t at all interested, but that all the time he spent drooling over you made you think he was gay? Well, I think that would piss anyone off.”

“Yes, I realized my mistake and I tried apologizing. It’s just… he’s too young for me!”

“You realize that he’s around the same age as you, right? Dragons age very differently than ponies. I’ve asked a number of them about that. Spike told me that he was actually technically older than Twilight at this point, but I don’t think he can actually judge that himself. “

“I… I did not realize that, no. He still acts so young!”

“Treat someone like a child and they’ll act like it. And it helps that since everyone thinks he’s young, no one teaches him how to behave like an adult. I’ve been working on that when I see him over at my house, but a lot of his time has been spent with the naga and Doppel.”

She went silent as I started rocking the watermelon back and forth, waiting to build up enough momentum. Eventually she acidically spouted, “That hussy changeling of yours? He’s been spending time with her?!”

“Yes. It’s nice to find a girl that gives you the time of day. After so long around people like you, it’s no wonder she latched onto him as an easy source of lust.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean?”

I stopped my efforts on the watermelon and gave her an incredulous look. “Really? Are you that fucking dense? Did you not at all realize what you were doing to that poor kid? You were using him for free labor for years. When he finished what you needed him for, you sent him on his way without a backwards glance. I’ve seen you use him to clean your store. As soon as he got outside with the last trash bag, you sent him straight home without anything at all.”

“Well… he stank and needed a bath.”

“At the cost of his feelings. You used him as a pincushion, sticking needles into his fucking body.”

“He has scales! It didn’t hurt him at all.”

“At the cost of his dignity. You paraded him around in your minotaur summer dress line of clothes in front of the entire town.”

“He didn’t mind and he got a large number of compliments!”

“He didn’t mind because he wanted something from you! He wanted your love and affection, you vapid cunt! You used him while hinting that if he did just one more thing for you, maybe you’d give him what he craved for. Maybe the next little favor would be it. Maybe, just maybe, he could finally earn your affection. And now that I’ve finally broken him from your chains, you come to me trying to figure out how to tie him back. Eat a dick, Rarity. But not his, because he’s done with your bullshit. And so am I.” I looked back at the watermelon and pulled my knife out to cut the stem.

After nearly a minute of silence behind me, Rarity quietly said, “One more question, Nav. I… I made a big mistake, didn’t I?”

“Yes. Yes you did.”

“…Can it be fixed?”

I looked back to her to find that she actually had tears in her eyes. “You’re asking the wrong person. If I were Spike, I’d either ignore you or tell you to fuck off. If I were any of your pony friends, I’d awkwardly try to change the subject so I didn’t have to tell you how much of a bitch you’ve been.”

“…That explains a lot. Do you know where Spike is, then?”

I looked over her head behind her, where Spike had been standing since about the time she got there. He had been helping me with the watermelons and was hidden behind one. I said, “Not sure. Maybe I should ask Spike. Hey Spike, where are you?”

Rarity jumped when I directed that question over her head, spinning around. She opened her mouth to say something, but Spike said, “Fuck off, Rarity.” He then looked up to me. “How are we gonna move these things?”

“Fuck it, we’ll make the naga do it. Let’s go find something we can actually work on.”

Rarity was absolutely stunned at that. She wasn’t even able to say a word as we walked away.

When we were far enough away that she couldn’t hear us, I commented, “She’s probably going to bitch at Twilight for your language. Then Twilight’s probably going to bitch at me because you copied me.”

“And?”

“You raise a good point. Let’s go harvest the corn. That stuff should be easy for us.” And so things went.

Those things kept on going until about three or so the next day. Rarity traded shifts with Cadance to get away from me and Spike, not that she said it. So we had a princess working the fields with us, though sadly she wasn’t constantly bending over. And then I remembered that she was married and I wasn’t supposed to be looking anyway.

Sometime around the late afternoon of the next day, I got an unexpected visitor. “Sir Navarone?”

I swung the hoe I was using over my shoulder as I turned around, wiping some sweat off my forehead. “Yeah?” I wasn’t able to tell whose voice it was from behind me, so I was surprised when I beheld the diminutive form of Diamond Tiara before me. I suddenly wished I hadn’t taken my shirt off some time ago. I also wished I hadn’t gotten separated from the others and that Rainbow Dash had been able to get cloud cover so I wouldn’t have a sheen of sweat over me.

Her eyes went to my chest and a small blush appeared on her face. I don’t think her mind was in the gutter, but my body isn’t something many ponies saw since I usually wore a shirt. After a few seconds, she looked back up at my face. “Where’s Eva? Wasn’t I supposed to teach her today?”

“She’s milking cows. We’re going to be too busy for tutoring this week. Just take the time off.”

“…Oh.” She looked around the general area and didn’t see anyone. “So where’s everypony else?”

“Working, I imagine. I need to get back to that, too.”

“Why are you doing this? You’re the princess’s knight, her go-to champion! You should be paying somepony else to do this for you.”

“Applejack wouldn’t let me do that. She would only accept my help. Since I don’t have much to do anyway, I figured I’d stop by to help.”

“Well, don’t you think you should take a break? You look pretty… hot. I know a place nearby that’s in some shade. It’s nice and private, too, so nopony would bother us—you, I mean.”

That’s not obvious at all. “Nah. I’m not as flimsy as I look. I can keep going for hours.”

“I bet you can…” she whispered before shaking her head and blinking. “I mean… are you sure? The princess’s champion—”

“Is her champion for a reason. I’m fine, Diamond. I even got water, if I need it.” I reached down to my flask and shook it to show her that I had water, but it didn’t make any sound. “…I had water. I’ll get it refilled next time I’m near a pump.”

“I can do that for you!”

Truth be told, I was a little tempted to do it just to see if I could taste whatever she was going to do to my water, but I realized it was probably a bad idea. It helped that Flo was quietly urging me not to take her up on that.

“Nah. I’ll be moving on soon enough and can refill it then.”

“Are you suuure? I don’t mind!”

You know what… I can fuck with her. She’s technically legal, if just way too young for me. I shrugged. “Alright.” I pulled the canteen off my belt as Flo just sighed. “Nearest pump is a few hundred meters that way,” I said, pointing off to our left, where a large patch of some kind of crop was that she could easily hide in to do her business. “Hurry back.”

“Of course, Sir Navarone!” She took the canteen in her mouth because ponies have no sense of hygiene and started trotting off where I pointed, her tail wagging.

“Dammit Nav,” Flo sighed.

I just shrugged and replied, “Who knows? It could be interesting.”

“I want to say that I wonder about you sometimes, but I already know everything that goes on in your head. And I have to say, sometimes I’m disappointed.”

“That’s what you get for having expectations.”

“Sometimes, with you, I expect nothing and still get let down.” If the tone in her voice wasn’t at least somewhat playful, I’d be pretty pissed at that. As it was, I just snorted and went back to work, wondering what kind of surprise little miss Tiara had in store for me.

Some fifteen minutes or so later, she returned with a rather blushed face, still holding my canteen in her mouth. I took it from her, saying, “Thanks, Diamond.”

“N-no problem, sir.” Her eyes widened as I popped the cap off and slowly lifted it up to my mouth. She didn’t even notice me watching her expression, her eyes glued on my mouth. I took a long, slow draught and held it in my mouth, savoring the hint of the musky flavor I recognized very well. When I swallowed it, her breathing began picking up.

Then I leaned up and poured some of it over my face. She started panting at the sight of her love juices slowly sliding down my body and dripping onto the ground or going down my relatively loose britches.

“Really hits the spot,” I said with a sigh, taking another long sip. “And tastes better than usual. You sure you used the right pump?”

“Y-y-yes! Nothing weird about that water at all! Do you want a refill?”

Should I keep torturing her? Flo just sighed as I shook my head. “Nah. I really need to get back to work. Thanks for the water, Diamond.”

“Of course... Uh, why were you already covered in water?”

“Sweat. Basically, it’s really salty water.”

She blinked in confusion. “Salt?”

“...You guys get high off that stuff, don’t you? That explains a lot.” Like how all of my lovers are fucking crazy. “Don’t worry about it. Unless you were planning on licking me or something, it’s not a problem.” God, if she didn’t have a cutie mark, I could probably get in trouble for this...

She awkwardly giggled. “O-of course not. That would be... silly.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I need to get back to work and you need to go enjoy your day off. I’ll see you later, Diamond.”

“Y-you too.” With the way her tail was down, I think she was trying to hide something as she walked away. Man, I really got her riled up, didn’t I?

“You’re terrible, Nav.”

“And you love every second of it, Flo.” She just tutted as I went back to hoeing the shit out of some potatoes. “Still, that water is actually pretty good. I might have to get Doppel to prepare some for me.” I think I could hear her repeatedly banging her head against something in my brain. I smiled and wondered who would get brain damage first, her or me.

A few hours later, Applejack came by to where I was staring at a long row of brussel sprout plants, wondering why I had even given her such horrible seeds. “Nav, you uh... you got a minute?”

“Hm? Yeah, I got time. I don’t want to touch these horrible things anyway. Fuck, I hate brussel sprouts.”

“Right. I just uh... wanted to apologize. I assumed a lot when I sent you to the cows and I realize that was wrong of me.”

“That? I’m over it. No bad blood between us, as far as I’m concerned. I’m gonna take a break before I fuck with these things. Want a belly rub?”

She licked her lips greedily, thinking it over. After a second, she shook her head. “I cain’t. Apples to harvest, after all.”

“Applejack, if you don’t take a nice long break, you’ll wear yourself out. There’s nothing wrong with taking some time off. I’m going over there next to that fence to take a break. You want to join me, feel free.” I started walking over there and she lifted a hoof to follow me, but put it back down, unable to decide if she was coming or going. I stopped listening and just kept walking.

When I sat down and leaned against a tree that was used to hold up a gate on the fence, I saw her almost to the gate, following me. “I’m only doing this because the last time I tried harvesting with no breaks, I made everypony in town sick.”

“Sure, sure. I won’t tell them if you don’t.” She laid down on the ground next to me. After a second, I pulled her hat off her head. “Well, roll on over.”

“Well... alright.” Is it bad that I really find Applejack adorable when she’s blushing like that? She rolled on her back, scooting closer to me. I began rubbing her tummy slowly. She sighed in delight as I worked, making me giggle.

After a few minutes of that, her breathing deepened and I realized that she was asleep. I decided to let her have a fifteen minute nap, pulling my hand away. I just leaned further back onto the tree and put her hat over my eyes.

When my time limit passed, Flo whispered, “Nav? Break time’s over.” I sighed and pulled the hat away.

When I looked down at Applejack, I saw that she was smiling at something in her dream. I put a hand on her chest and gently rocked her. “Time to stop dreaming all your pony dreams, Applejack,” I said. She snorted and didn’t move, still dreaming. I poked her a few more times, but she didn’t move. So I leaned down even farther, lifted one of her ears, and blew into it.

She jumped up in shock, bumping into the gate. Her eyes jerked open and she hissed in pain, falling back on the ground and clutching at the back leg that hit the gate. “Oooh, Celestia!”

“Applejack, you are such a silly pony sometimes. You okay?”

“Yeah... I should be fine.”

“Well, it’s time to get back to work, I reckon. I want to get the finger things done before tomorrow and it’ll get dark soonish. You good to go?”

“I’m fine.” She rolled over and tenderly stood up, slowly putting weight on her back leg. “Yeah, I’m definitely fine. This was a nice little break, Nav. Might have to take some more time off after this.” She looked around the ground for a second. “Just... where’s my hat?”

I sat it down on her head. “There you go. I guess you need to get back to your trees. I’ll be in this general area if you need anything.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later, Nav.” She started walking off to her part of the farm while I went back to the accursed brussel sprouts.

“No, Nav, you can’t burn down the crops. You gave her the seeds to plant, so you brought this upon yourself.”

“Hey, I didn’t say nothin’.”

“You were thinking it.” I just rolled my eyes and grabbed the first plant. Let’s get to work.

The next morning, we all gathered together in front of the barn as usual. “The cows’re all milked and the finger fields are empty,” Applejack said with a smile. “We’re right on schedule. The rest of the apple trees, though... Well, we just ain’t got enough hooves. Normally me and Big Mac could handle it fine ourselves and with all of y’all it shouldn’t be that bad, but... Well, the zap apple trees just pulled a surprise blooming on us, too. They’re magic and nopony understands how they work—aside from what Nav here told us, at least—so this was unexpected. Big Mac and I have to prepare those fields. We need more treekickers.”

“You try asking around in town?” I asked. “Plenty of ponies there like you and would be willing to help.”

“Everypony that’s free was hired for other harvests going on around here. Sweet Apple Acres ain’t the only farm next to Ponyville.” She spared a glance to the Carrot family’s farmhouse that was less than a kilometer away from her house and could clearly be seen. “I was expecting more support from the family.”

“Nav can be a pony!” Pinkie suggested, giving me a big ol’ grin. I narrowed my eyes.

“That’s one idea,” Applejack said, rubbing a hoof under her chin in thought. “That would be awfully useful, Nav. And I reckon the big guy here could probably shake the apples out of a tree. Two more kickers would be better than none.”

“...What’s this about Nav being a pony?” Braeburn asked.

“Surely there’s another way,” I said. “I can get a fucking contingent of night guards out here to help. And Cadance can probably get some day guards.”

Twilight shook her head. “Guards have more important things to do than helping us farm, Nav. Like keeping everypony safe. Turning you into a pony is the easiest option. It would only be for a few hours each day, until the crops are done.”

“Fuckin’... Fine. But only if I get Spike to help me out. You know I can’t use those hooves for anything.”

“I can do that,” Spike said with a nod. “I can’t help with the trees and Twilight can’t turn me into a pony.”

Twilight grinned and her horn lit up. “Whoa, hold on!” I quickly said. “I need to get out of these clothes first.” Braeburn’s ears shot up at that. “We’ll do it in the barn. The cows are probably asleep, so we should be private.”

She just rolled her eyes and followed me to the barn. I hear the others discussing something else behind us before I closed the doors. Her horn lit up, acting as a small flashlight as I stripped down. “So it’s okay if I see you naked, but not them?”

“You should know this by now, Twilight. It’s a human thing. Christ, I hate being a pony…”

“Well, if there was a better way, we’d use it. I don’t want to risk burning anypony out, so we can’t use too much magic. And Big Mac and Applejack are the only ones that know how to prepare for a zap apple harvest. We just really need more hooves. I would say you could pick them, but that would take too long.”

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t like it.” I sighed, pulling the last of my clothes off. “Let’s get this over with.”

Her horn lit up much brighter and I felt the world changing around me. All my senses got jacked up and I fell forward, catching myself on my new hooves. All in all, it felt wrong. Just like usual. “You ready?” Twilight asked.

“Let me get the hang of walking again. Shouldn’t take me but a second.” I took a few experimental steps around the barn, hating myself for agreeing to do this. “Yeah, I’m good to go.”

She nodded and pushed the barn doors open, leading the way into the unforgiving sun outside. When I got outside, I saw Braeburn’s mouth drop, Cadance’s eyebrows rise, and Applejack’s nod of approval. Braeburn and Cadance had never seen me before, I don’t think.

“Braeburn, you’re about Nav’s size. Take him and show him how to buck. Everypony else, you know your places. Let’s go.”

Everyone but Spike and Braeburn nodded and all began walking off. “Absolutely fucking hate this body,” I sighed when we were alone.

“I don’t know why,” Braeburn said, walking around me in a circle to see all of me. “You’re one of the most handsome ponies I ever did see!”

“Whatever. Let’s get this shit over with. The sooner we’re done, the sooner I can turn back.”

Spike snorted and pulled himself onto my back. “At least you’re easier to ride this way.”

“Spike, are you saying you want to ride me all night long?”

“W-what? No!”

“Hey, I don’t judge you. I know I’m sexy. You’d have to fight Braeburn off with a stick, though.”

“I don’t mind sharing! I mean… Let’s just get started…”

“Well, lead the way. I don’t know where we’re going.”

He started walking in some random direction into the fields. “Bucking ain’t that hard, really. It’s essentially just kicking a tree with both back legs. It’s tiring, though. You gotta use most of the muscles in your body, some of which you don’t use for much else. It’s definitely a good workout. Pretty easy to pull something, too, so I’ll run you through a few times to make sure you won’t hurt yourself.”

“You just want an excuse to touch my body, don’t you?”

He looked back with a smirk. “I don’t think you’d make me need a reason.”

“That’s what you get for thinking. Thankfully, Spike will keep your filthy mind in line.”

“I’ll what now?” Spike asked.

“If Braeburn’s dirty hooves try to steal my innocence, you need to light him on fire.”

“Wow, you gave me a really easy job. There’s nothing left for him to steal!” Braeburn and Flo both giggled at that.

“Then if he touches me inappropriately, you need to light him on fire.”

“Will do. I’m watching you, mister.”

I think I saw a hint of a smile on Braeburn’s face, but since he was facing the other direction, I couldn’t tell for sure. “I’ll keep that in mind, part’. This here’s a good practice area, I think. Watch what I do.” He set up some baskets around the tree, turned around, and bucked it. It really didn’t look that hard, all things told. Just gotta bend your body the right way. “See? No real problem. Now you try with that tree over there.”

“Spike, set some baskets up.”

He slid off my back with a, “You got it, Nav.” I casually popped my neck as he set things up for me.

“So why cain’t you do it?” Braeburn asked. “Not that hard.”

“Because I don’t have fingers. Don’t you dare say I could use my hooves or my mouth, because I’ll reach over there and slap a bitch.”

He wisely decided not to comment. After a few seconds, Spike had the area set up. “All good to go!” he happily said, backing off.

“If I fall on my face, you aren’t allowed to laugh. Four legs are… different.”

They both said, “Right.” I sighed, lifted up on two legs, and reared back. My eyes shot open in pain as my legs connected with the tree, my back and legs both burning in pain. I slid down, groaning.

They both ran over to me, Spike kneeling down and saying, “You okay, Nav?”

“He’s not,” Braeburn answered him. “I saw his back. Bent wrong. You stay here with him. He’ll need a few minutes. I’ll clear some of these trees around us off.”

“Right.” Braeburn started walking off and Spike looked down at me. “Well, at least it wasn’t flat on your face. Still, the almighty Navarone, beaten by a tree.” I swatted him with my tail. It probably would have stung on skin, but he just smiled when it hit his scales. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anypony. I might be able to help, though. I read up on massaging when you mentioned that Aloe and Lotus might give me a job.”

I tried telling him not to worry about it, but he was already rubbing his claws over my back and it felt… good. After he noticed me relaxing, he straddled my back and actually got to work. “At least I get to help you,” he idly commented. “You’re easier and more fun to deal with than most of the ponies, anymore.”

“You just like me because of Doppel,” I sighed, able to talk again.

“Well, she is fun. But I prefer being respected over spending time with Doppel. You always seem ready to give everypo-one the time of day. You treat me the same as anyone else and you always have, even when I was a kid.”

“That’s because I’m a terrible—not the wings!” He jerked his hands back immediately. “Never touch a pegasus’s wings, Spike. Or a human’s, for that matter.”

“Alright, I won’t. But Doppel always liked it when I touched hers.”

“That’s because it’s a sex thing. I mean, if you really want to get me hot and bothered, feel free. But you better be ready to put that little dragon tongue to good use to finish what you start.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he drily said, moving onto a different part of my body.

I was feeling much better at that point, so when Braeburn came back over and asked, “You ready to try again?” I was easily able to stand.

“Yeah. Thanks, Spike. You can get off me now.” He slid on down. “So how do I kick this tree without breaking my back?”

“Stand on your forelegs and put your hind legs on the tree. I’ll show ya how your body should be.” I did as he asked, almost losing my balance in the process. I felt one of his hooves go to my back. “This right here’s where you got hurt. It needs to go lower, which means you need to be further away from the tree.” He gently pushed it down, making me carefully step forward on my two front legs. “There. Now your legs are better off.” He slowly trailed his hoof down my back and then over my flank, making my fur stick straight out—the pony equivalent of goose bumps. “Mmm…”

“…Are you done?”

“What? Oh, yeah. You can try again.” He didn’t move his hoof until Spike snorted smoke and glared at him. When he saw that, he quickly moved away. I lowered my back legs before rearing back to kick the tree. This time, there was considerably less pain, though kicking a tree still brings at least some. My efforts were rewarded by a rain of apples that all magically landed in the baskets Spike had set up.

“There. I can successfully kick a tree. My parents would be so proud.” If they weren’t both dead.

“I know mine sure were when I first kicked all the apples out of a tree on my first try. But I reckon I’ll have to save your present for later. For now, we got work to do. Get to buckin’, Nav. And hey, maybe you’ll even get a cutie mark out of it!”

“God, I hope not. I couldn’t make pedophile jokes about myself anymore if that was the case. Well, unless I was fucking the princesses. With as old as they are, it’s always pedophilia.”

“You are some kinda twisted, I swear,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Let’s just get to work. And don’t worry about the baskets. Somepony’ll be around to collect them and leave you empty ones eventually.” He walked off to work on some other part of the farm, leaving me and Spike alone.

“Welp, let’s get started. Set some buckets up around trees and I’ll get to them as I get to them.”

“You got it, Nav.”

And so we began.

Bucking apples is boring as shit. I didn’t get tired, not really. But Christ on a crutch, it just took forever! I lost track of time and didn’t realize it was nearing nightfall until Braeburn came around to find me. “Well, you got about as many trees as I did on your first day. I gotta say, that’s an achievement.”

I blinked my way out of the reverie I had achieved and found that the sun was setting and Spike was curled up next to a tree, asleep. “I don’t get tired easily. Plenty of energy and all that. We done for the day?”

“Yep. Time to head back to the farmhouse for dinner.”

“Cool. I can finally get out of this shitty body. Just throw Spike over my back and we can go.”

He hm’d as he did so, but didn’t actually say anything. We began walking back in silence. Such was a day in the life of a farmer.

And such was the next two fucking days. Nothing of note happened, other than us finishing about eleven-sixteenths of the apple harvest. And then the zap apples got ready and we had an entirely new set of crops to work with.

“Spike, fuck apples.”

“At this point, I’m willing to agree.” It was around midday, the sun was up and burning down on us, and we were taking a small break—not that Spike did much anyway.

“I don’t really even like apples anymore, not after so long of eating them. If I didn’t tell AJ I’d help her, I’d just bail.”

“At least we have Twilight to do most of the work for us.”

“Spike, you ain’t doing no work at all. But yeah, it’s nice. Still, I wish some kind of wind would just knock all the damn apples out of the trees. Sure would save me a fuckton of time.”

“If only.”

Some kind of wind actually began blowing around us at that point. I snorted at the coincidence until the wind didn’t stop. When I looked up into the trees, I saw that the apples were starting to move. “Think Twilight found a new spell?” I mused.

“I don’t know, but this is pretty cool!” To punctuate Spike’s sentence, the apples we were watching snapped from the tree and slowly fell to the ground.

“Well, whatever she did, that was definitely something.”

Flo whispered, “I don’t think that was Twilight, Nav.” The wind continued blowing, moving onto a different tree. “I think I recognize that feel. Do you mind if I take over?”

Sure. “Spike, wait here. I’m gonna go see what’s going on.”

“Alright. The shade’s pretty nice.” I hopped up, letting Flo take over as we walked toward the tree with wind on it.

“So what is it?” I asked as we walked.

“I’ll let you know if I’m right.”

I faintly heard a giggling in the wind and knew something was up. Either Pinkie was involved or this was something completely unexpected.

“Waar kwam je vandaan, o vrije? Waarom ben je niet gevangen?” Flo asked. What the absolute fuck?

“A dobozból jöttem, folyó testvér. A szolgád tett szabaddá,” was the answer whispered from the wind.

“Air elemental,” Flo whispered in wonder. “What box?”

“In the museum. I’ve followed him for some time, toying with his enemies and helping him. The purple one was very amusing, though the pink one seemed to always avoid my efforts. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she knew I was there.” The tone the elemental was using was airy and playful, but barely above a whisper. And she was still knocking apples down.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

There was laughter in the wind and the elemental responded, “Why would I? You sensed me before, but you ignored me. You weren’t wearing your servant until now and I don’t like talking to slaves. And I just know how possessive you waters are. I wouldn’t intrude in your… home. But he helped free me, so I figured I could stick around. Besides, he’s an interesting one, something that reminds me of the old days for some reason.”

“So you stuck around him because he attracts trouble.”

“You could say that. This apple picking is so boring, though, so I decided to speed it up. I’m sure you understand.”

“But what if the others see you?!”

“What if they do? There is only one thing that can trap an air elemental and he isn’t around anymore.”

“Yes he is. He’s both alive and active, though in hiding.”

The wind around the trees immediately stopped for a few seconds before continuing. “That’s impossible. The earth elementals said they found a way to stop him.”

“Stop, maybe. Kill, no. Do you realize just how long you’ve been trapped?”

“Too long. But if he hasn’t noticed me yet, he won’t notice me at all.”

“Are you willing to take that risk, wind? After all that he did, all that he ruined… Would you be so willing to risk being trapped again?”

The wind slowed down. “This is the most noticeable thing I’ve done yet. What’s life without a few risks, water?” The wind slowly picked back up. “I finally got free and I’ll finally let myself have a bit of fun.” She giggled again, caressing my body with her wind. “I might even go toy with that farmer… I know your slave was upset at her.”

“She apologized and he forgave her. There is no need to be mean to her.”

“Sure there is. It’ll be fun, after all. I’ll be back sooooon!” Before Flo could reply, the apples stopped falling and the airy sensation disappeared.

“What a bitch,” I commented in my head.

“A useful one. Take back control.” I felt myself thrust back into reality. “One we need to ensure the loyalty of. At least now I knew that I wasn’t going crazy when I felt her before.”

“So how do we go about making her loyal?”

“…The only thing I can think of is telling her that you’ll be freeing the fires.”

“Weren’t we planning on, like, not doing that?”

“The plan was to let them out only if they behaved or would be useful. No one said when we had to do it.”

“Well, if she comes back, we can talk to her. I don’t think it would be a good idea to be around her while she’s doing something to Applejack...”

“Hey Nav, why’d the wind stop?” Spike asked, appearing right next to me. “And who are you talking to?”

“Myself. And I don’t know. Just work on getting all the apples that the wind knocked out into baskets. I’ll keep kicking. Maybe it was just a freak wind from the Everfree. You know how that place is.”

“Yeah... Back to work?”

“Back to work. If you see it happening again, let me know.”

“You got it.” He sighed as he looked over the apples on the ground, mumbling, “So much for not having to do anything.” I ignored him and got back to kicking the trees, wondering what that air elemental could be up to.

Half an hour later, my question was answered when I got smacked in the face with a blue ribbon. “What?” I hoofed at it, trying to grab it to see it, but then it blew off to flutter in the air elemental as she rolled around in a mini-tornado, full of ribbons of various colors and sizes.

“Oh, that treekicker is so easy to toy with...” the elemental whispered as she danced around me, doing no real damage other than being annoying. “She chased me all over the farm, trying to catch her precious ribbons and medals. Oh, there she is now!” The elemental disappeared, the ribbons all throwing themselves at me and somehow sticking to my coat.

“Nav, where’d that tornado go!? It flew off with—What in tarnation?”

“I have no idea,” I answered. “Can you get these things off me?”

“What happened around here?” Applejack asked, looking around the area to see Spike picking apples up from trees that had considerably fewer leaves than they should.

“That ‘tornado’ hit here first. If I had to guess, I’d say it came out of the Everfree. We’re pretty close, after all.”

“...If you say so. At least it took down some apples, even if it did do some damage to the trees—not to mention the farmhouse! Granny Smith sure was spooked.”

“I can imagine. Now again, can you get these things off me?”

She sighed, walking over to me. “You know, if you learned to use your hooves, this wouldn’t be a problem.” She started pulling ribbons off me, dropping them on the ground.

“And if you learned to accept monetary donations as a means of volunteering, I wouldn’t have to have hooves in the first place. What are these things, anyway?”

“Rodeo ribbons. Don’t know how they all got loose, but I guess anything’s possible when it comes to the Everfree...”

“Meh. I wonder if it caused any more damage...” She shot straight up at that. Given that her head at that point was under my chest, her head slammed into my jaw and if I had been unluckier, I might well have lost my damn tongue.

“I didn’t even think abo—Ooh, my head...” I was too busy clutching at the agonizing pain in my jaw to mention that it wasn’t just her head that she tried to break with that.

“If you broke all my teeth again, I am going to be so pissed...” I finally muttered a few seconds later.

She managed to pry an eye open and glance at my bared teeth. “You’re fine, Nav. Sorry ‘bout that. I just didn’t even think about anypony else getting hurt! I gotta go check on everypony!” Before I could check on her to see if she was also okay, she bounded away into the orchard.

“What was that about?” Spike asked, walking up and munching on an apple.

“Applejack being silly. Can you get these damn ribbons off me?”

“Hm? Whoa, where’d those come from?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, get them off me.”

“Sure thing, I guess.” He walked over and started using his claws to peel the damn ribbons out of my fur. “These look like Applejack’s rodeo ribbons!”

“They are. She told me that before she headbutted me and ran off.”

“Headbutted you? That doesn’t seem like her at all.”

“Eh, I deserved it. Cracked one too many dumb blonde jokes and she got mad because I was using big words.”

“...Okay.” He pulled the final ribbon off. “There. Now what should I do with these?”

“Bundle them up with some twine and I’ll take them back to the farmhouse. You can stay on back and finish picking up the apples out here.”

“Hey, why do you get to go back?” he sourly asked.

“Because I’ve been doing all the work and I haven’t eaten since last night. I’ll just drop these off, get a small snack, and then come back out here.”

“Fine, whatever. Give me a minute to find something to tie them with.” While he scavenged around, I took the time to stretch. After all the work I had been doing, my body was getting annoyingly stiff. It felt good to pop some joints and limber up. All too soon, Spike came back with the ribbons all tied together with some kind of twine. “Here you go. Where do you want them?”

I lifted a wing. “Tuck them under there, I guess. I’ll hold onto them that way.” He shrugged and stuck them in place, letting me cover them with the wing. “There. Not going anywhere, now. I’ll be back soonish, I hope.”

“Bring back something to eat for me, too.”

“You’ve been eating apples all day, dude.”

“I know, I know... I’m still hungry, though.”

“Fatty. Sure, I’ll see if I can bring something back. See you soon, Spike.” He waved as I started jogging back toward the farmhouse. “So what are we going to do about that air elemental?” I asked aloud.

“For now, nothing. We’ll have to wait until she shows herself again. Now that I know she’s there, I can start actively hunting for her, but it’ll be slow going. Tracking them is always such a pain...”

“If we don’t find her by the time I planned on leaving, should I postpone the trip?”

“No. She’ll follow you. If an air elemental is interested in something, they will go to the ends of the earth to watch it. And they’re fast enough to do it, too. Just don’t worry about her for now, Nav. I’ll be watching and I’ll let you know when to act.”

“Alright. Now what did she mean by slave?”

Flo sighed. “Air elementals have a very different viewpoint on taking hosts. They believe in total freedom in all things and don’t like that we intrude in the lives of others as we do. It never occurs to them that their pranks often do more harm than we ever do. They would only ever take a host for the purpose of entertainment, to have eyes in more places than just on themselves. The only host they would ever consider would be one with a similar mindset that could either fly or live underwater, where they can’t go.”

“To be fair, I fucking hate that you see into all of my thoughts and know everything I’m going to do before I do it.”

“I know, Nav. But it’s how it works. I can’t help that I see what I see. At least you know that if I say something, it’s because I don’t want any harm to come to you or those around you. An air elemental would ignore anything you thought, constantly whispering ideas for pranks or other mean things into your mind. It takes a very... interesting... soul to be able to live with an air in their head.”

“...She’s not going to actively go around looking for hosts, is she?”

“I don’t know. If she was going to, I think she would have done it by now. Just be wary if we ever get her on our side. She might go after some of the crew on the ship. It would be inconvenient if our resident griffin went insane.”

“I think that counts as more than inconvenient... If we do get her, I’ll tell everyone to watch out for her.”

The rest of the trip was spent in silence. I think it took me about five minutes to make it to the house. I knocked on the door. Applebloom opened it on up for me. “Heya there, Nav! Whatcha need?”

I lifted my wing to drop the ribbons on the ground. “Applejack wanted me to get these back here. Don’t know where they came from.”

“Her ribbons? That’s weird. Also, Braeburn wanted your help with something! He’s in the barn.”

“Huh. Did he say what he needed?”

“Nope. He just asked me to tell you. I was about to go out to look for you, too!”

“Guess I saved you some time, then. I was gonna eat... But I guess it can wait until after I find out what he wants. Talk to you later, Applebloom.”

“Yep! I gotta get to work, too, with all the zap apple preparation. Have fun!”

I snorted softly as I started walking to the barn. Have fun working? Yeah right. When I got over there, I found that the front doors were closed. “Huh.” I kicked one. “Braeburn, you in there?”

The door slowly opened on its own. I just shrugged and walked on in, looking around. Before I could see anything, the door slammed shut. I blinked in the sudden darkness, waiting for my eyes to adjust. Before they could, a lantern turned on, revealing something very shocking...

(You knew this was coming. Don’t even lie. Ctrl+f “Sex is over” to skip)

Before me stood Braeburn in an outfit that made my jaw drop. A heavily embroidered silk saddle hung around his midriff, laced in place and tightened. On each of his long legs was a stocking with small bows holding a frilly top in place. Around his neck was a black collar-type necklace with a red apple broach in the middle. Behind one of his ears was a lily, held in place by his long hair. His tail was tied around the base by some string, keeping it up. And he was sporting a hard-on that could make Stephen Magnet blush.

“Well... what do you think?” he asked, a small blush present on his face.

“W-what? Where did you... How...” I started slowly backing to the door, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

He began advancing faster than I was backing away. “Shh, Nav. Your friend Rarity helped me with the outfit. I figure, you and me, we could do some small celebrating for getting the harvest almost done.”

My flank was against the barn door at this point. “I... I don’t know...”

He continued advancing, his half-lidded green eyes showering me with attention. “Tell me no.” I opened my mouth and he picked that moment to lean in and kiss me, taking my breath away. He pulled back after a few seconds. “Tell me you don’t want it.” He kissed me again, widening my eyes. “All you have to do is say—” He interrupted himself by stealing another kiss. “—that you don’t want it.” He nuzzled my neck, leaning down. “Just say it,” he whispered, kissing my neck and wrapping his front leg around me. “Just say it and I’ll never bother you again.”

I gulped, feeling very, very confused. On one hand, this was a stallion and I was trying not to have sex as much. On the other hand, he obviously went through a lot of trouble for this and I was beyond the relapse stage.

He interrupted my thoughts with another kiss, worming his long pony tongue into my mouth for a few seconds before pulling a few inches away. “What’ll it be, Nav?” he whispered, casting his longing green gaze into mine.

That made up my mind. What’s one time? I’ve done so, so much worse. Slowly, ever so slowly, I extended my neck and met his lips with mine. He moaned into my mouth, knowing that he won. Our tongues met and entwined, my mind still wrapping itself around what I agreed to do.

After a minute of making out, I was feeling myself grow very ready for what he hopefully had in mind. He finally pulled away, smirking at what he saw twitching under me. He moved the leg around my neck to my chin. “I know I’m your first stallion, Nav.” He gently pulled me in for a small peck on the lips before saying, “I ain’t stickin’ nothing in ya, so you don’t need to worry about that. You just come on over here and I’ll take real good care of you.”

He began backing up, leading me along by the hoof on my chin, goading my somewhat dazed mind with the occasional peck on the lips to keep me going. When he stopped, I realized that his back was against a large hay bale.

“You just put your front legs on up here, Nav. I’ll get you ready...” My ears twitched at that and he giggled huskily. “Oh come on, now. Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, Nav.” I slowly lifted my legs up, putting my body slightly in the air. “There we go. Don’t peek!”

I took a deep breath and kept it in for a few seconds, slowly letting it out. When I started taking another, my breath hitched as I felt something very warm sliding along my equine erection.

“Now, now, just you relax. Braeburn’s gonna take mighty fine care of you,” he calmly said as the sensation continued. “I just gotta make sure both of us can have a good time. This here should last for a good long while, I do believe.” He was applying some kind of lube on me, I think, slowly teasing it along my length, making me shift my legs in anticipation. “Mmm... I always like to see ‘em squirm like that. It’s a good sign that I’ll be having a good night. You’ll treat me right, won’t you Nav?”

“Y-ooh! Yes!”

“Now that’s what I like to hear!” He began picking up speed, pushing further in with his soft hooves as he applied the solution to my stallionhood. “Mm mm mm! Sure is a shame I don’t have your fingers... or your wings. They’d make this a lot more fun, I just know it.”

“T-they do.” I tried moving mine down to help him, but when I attempted to move them, they didn’t go anywhere. I looked to my right to see that my wings were fully extended and twitching.

One of his hooves went to my left wing and stroked it. “Ooh yeah. Pegasi are always fun to play with. And it’s always so fun to tease them in the middle of town and watch them fight to keep their wings down.” He finally moved the hoof applying the lube to the head of my shaft, making it throb in anticipation. “There we go! You’re all set.” Both of his hooves withdrew and I felt him moving around under me before he started scooting up the hay bale under me, on his back. He grinned when he met my eyes. “I hope you don’t mind the position. I always did like lookin’ ‘em in the eyes.”

“I... Okay.” Honestly, I didn’t care. Missionary as a pony sounded really weird, but he had obviously done it before, so whatever. “Are you ready?”

“Waitin’ on you, part’. Just go nice and slow to get me started.” I slowly eased forward, trying to find a small hole that I couldn’t see and fit a massive sausage into it. My first attempt was a miss, bringing my shaft and his on top of each other, rubbing my lubey meatstick on his soft one. When I felt our sacks touch, I sighed. Welp, it’s official. Balls have touched. Now I’m gay. Great. He misinterpreted the sigh. “I know you missed, but that ain’t so bad. Just keep on trying.”

I shrugged and pulled back, trying again. I overshot that time, sticking it in his luscious tail. Proving that the third time’s occasionally lucky, I finally prodded his rear. “You ready?” I whispered. He just nodded, grinning in anticipation. I slowly pushed in, my lubed head gently stretching his flankhole. With what felt like a twitch, the tip popped in and I stopped. Braeburn let out a long breath, seemingly relaxing while my eyes widened at the tightness.

“Keep going,” he whispered before leaning up and kissing me again. After a second of deliberation, I slowly pushed further in, marveling at the wonderful sensations I was getting. “That’s... it...” he whispered between breaths, relaxing himself to take all of me inside. After a few seconds, I was fully hilted in him. “Just... give me a moment,” he sighed, biting his lower lip.

I took a deep breath before leaning in and kissing him, trying to help him relax. He seemed to appreciate it, loosening up some on me. I pulled back and quietly asked, “You ready?”

“I’m... yes. Been a little while.” I slowly started pulling out. “Ooooh, Celestia.” I grinned, lowering my body to aim my thrusts a little higher, hoping to rub against his little prostate. I didn’t know exactly where it was, but if you aim in the general direction with a nuke, you’ll still hit your target.

When I was most of the way out of him, I slowly began pushing back in. His eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lower lip, squeezing down on me with his muscles as I pushed in and up on his prostate. He moaned lightly when I got a certain depth in. When I heard that, I stopped pushing and started grinding. He repaid my actions by whimpering and clenching down, tightening around me and making me wish I didn’t have reduced feeling in my stallion body.

“First... time... my... ass!” he moaned.

I smirked, breathing out, “Yes. This... is... my first... time in... your ass. Maybe not... the last...”

He just groaned and I stopped grinding, instead pushing further in. When I hilted again, he forced his eyes open to meet mine. As I started pulling back out, he uttered out a single word: “Faster.”

I grinned and began picking up speed as I pulled out. I felt his body tighten when I passed over his prostate again, so I was sure at that point where it was. When I was almost all the way out, I began pushing back in even faster, his body slowly lifting up as I pushed in.

He sighed as I began pulling out again, the lube he used making an interesting schlicking sound as I freed myself. I continued picking up speed for my new lover, making him rock faster and faster as my cock marionette. As his moans began picking up, so too did the muscle contractions I was feeling squeezing me, tightening around every vein on my large pleasure rod.

Finally, he moaned one last time before saying, “Slow down!” I did so almost immediately, stopping right on his prostate and grinding. “N-Nav!” With that last cry, a thick line of cum shot out of the tip of his erection, coating his cute little saddle and face with his gunk. At the same time, the muscles I was feeling began going haywire, squeezing me like mad and making me thrust without even meaning to. He cried out in pleasure as I pounded him again. Shrugging to myself and figuring that if I could keep going, he could too, I began pulling out again to keep going.

He whimpered when he realized I wasn’t quite done. The large blush on his face from his coital bliss fit in beautifully with his green eyes... And the goofy grin he had there made me feel great. I kept pounding away, my sack gently getting caressed by his silky-soft tail. Even though he was slowly softening from his orgasm, he was still moaning like a little slut every time I pressed against his prostate, gasping for breath.

I think I proved to myself that guys actually can have multiple orgasms when Braeburn’s moans reached a crescendo again, his front legs going down against the hay bale and his face going crosseyed, the blush he had deepening even brighter. This second set of muscle contractions finally made me slow down enough to feel them squeezing me. I squeezed my eyes shut and nuzzled his nose with mine, letting myself finally feel what he was doing to me.

Even though I think I fucked poor Braeburn silly, his body knew how to treat me and was squeezing in all the right ways as he hit his peak. I was able to let myself go and give into it, twitching inside of him once before cumming, a week or two of unspent cum pouring inside of his poor, tortured colon. I felt myself thrust one final time as I finally hit my limit, expelling my life-making juice deep inside the most barren of holes.

When I felt that I was completely spent and that his body could squeeze no more from me as much as it tried, I slowly pulled out with a loud and wet pop, freeing myself from his insides. He moaned one last time when I was finally free, whispering, “That was amazing...”

“I’ll say,” I panted, grinning at the release I finally felt. I leaned back down and kissed him again. “I think that was worth it...”

Then I heard a throat clear.

(“Sex is over”)

My ears immediately drooped as I slowly turned my head to the door. I saw three ponies standing there. Cadance had both of her wings fully outstretched and a look that was part shock and part... eager? Big Macintosh had a look of completely blank horror on his face. And of course, Rarity was smirking, a smug look on her face.

“Nnnnnnnooooooppppppppppeeeeee!” Big Mac just turned right around and walked off. He didn’t say a single other word.

“Enjoying yourselves, I see?” Rarity happily asked.

“Yes. Yes we are. What of it?” I asked back, pushing myself away from the hay bale.

“Oh, nothing, nothing... I’m just thinking about something you told me a few months ago, is all. About how you weren’t gay.”

“Bitch please. What do you even want?”

“Oh, me? I was just going to ask Braeburn how his little... date went. This is the best review of my new clothing line I’ve gotten yet.”

My eyes moved over to the pink princess. “And you? What did you want, Cadance?”

She finally blinked, her eyes moving away from Braeburn’s labored breathing. “Huh what? Nav, that was... Can you... Never mind. I have good news! Shining Armor says I can finally go home!”

I weakly grinned, tired from my exertions but happy to hear that she could finally get the hell out of my house. “That’s wonderful. Now both of you get the fuck out.”

“A quick question before I go,” Cadance quickly said. “Do you mind... celebrating with me and Shiny?”

“As long as you don’t mean anything sexual by that, I don’t mind. Now shoo. And uh... you might want to watch your wings.”

Cadance looked to her side and blushed, noticing that she was showing her arousal to the world. With a force of will, she shoved her wings down. “Let’s go, Rarity. And uh... do you think you could make Shiny an outfit like that?”

I didn’t hear Rarity’s answer as the barn doors closed tight and I turned back to Braeburn. “Hear that? I have something else to celebrate!” I happily said, putting my legs back on the hay bale and grinning down on him. “I hope you’re ready for round two...”

I think it was another hour before I finally got back out into the fields, a small grin on my face and a spring in my step. Spike was glaring off in the distance. When he finally heard me coming, he shouted, “About time you got back! What took you so long?!”

“Braeburn needed my help with something. I had to deal with that.”

“Oh yeah, sure, leave Spike behind while you go have kinky sex. C’mon, Nav!”

“Hey, it wasn’t kinky at all! It was standard missionary. Unless you count some people barging in on us as kinky, at least.”

“Yeah, well—Wait, what?”

“Oh, nothing. Let’s get back to work.”

“No seriously, what?”

“I just fucked Braeburn’s brains out, that’s what. Now do you want to get this finished or not?”

“...Alright.” He sounded very, very stunned at that revelation. “So wait, are you really gay?”

“Hey, your mom might be masculine, but sleeping with her doesn’t make me gay!”

“...Because if you’ve been holding out on me, we’ve been missing out.”

“No, it’s cool.”

“Alright, me neither...” A very awkward silence took over as we got back to work.