Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IGCrTT0Sp9eCS0lv_DaNkRoDZv5F8ODqAFvwO-ME_eo/edit#

“What the fuck just happened?” I asked aloud, not really expecting an answer.

Then I saw a faint glowing. I whipped my head that way, dropping into a fighting stance. I saw Cadance looking my way in fear.

That fear turned to true happiness. “Thank Celestia, you’re okay! I thought she was going to hurt you!” She rushed forward and hugged me, which was somewhat awkward, what with me holding a dagger and all.

When she let me go, I looked around. “So who was that and where are we?”

She grimaced. “That was a changeling.” I had read about them. They feed on emotions, particularly enjoying love. They can take on the shape of anything they want. “As to where we are… I think we’re in the mines under Canterlot.”

I blinked. “That’s impossible. A city as big as Canterlot produces a lot of weight. If there were tunnels under there, the city would have collapsed. That’s the reason Paris doesn’t have any skyscrapers.”

She looked at me blankly. Oh right. Magic.

“So how do we get out?” I asked.

Her light grew much stronger, illuminating the entire area. After a few minutes of checking, we found that there was no way out. We were stuck.

She started crying lightly.

“Cadance, can’t you just… teleport us out?”

She blinked, her tears stopping momentarily. Her horn glowed brightly for a moment before fizzling. We heard laughter echoing through our little chamber. “There is no escape from your little prison,” we heard Cadance’s voice say. “These stones have magical properties. Short range teleportation is possible, but you can’t get far enough away.”

“Show yourself!” Cadance demanded. We just heard laughter again, and it slowly faded away.

“Well, shit.” She started crying again. I sighed at that. “Save your water, Cadance. If we’re going to be down here, you’re going to need it.” Thankfully, I followed my own advice and got a canteen back in Manehattan before we left. I set it down. “One mouthful every hour. We’ll decrease it as we need.”

She didn’t stop crying. “What’s going to happen to my Shining Armor?” she whispered.

“That lady is pretty bitchy. I’m sure they’ll notice her change in attitude. And when Luna finds out that I disappeared, well… They have ways of finding me. When’s the wedding, anyway?”

“Four days,” she sniffled.

“See there? Plenty of time to be rescued. Celestia can deep-six that changeling bitch, we get freed, and you can have your happily ever after.” That got a smile out of her. “Now come on. How about you tell me about yourself? You’ve apparently heard so much about me, but I didn’t even know there was a third alicorn until a few days ago.”

She looked pensive. “Where should I begin? There’s not too much to tell, but I would like to have somewhere to start.”

I shrugged. “How about starting from where you met Twilight? That seems like a common point of interest.”

She smiled and told me how she was Twilight’s foal sitter. Apparently that’s how she met Shining Armor. We talked about her until she finally passed out, sleeping deeply. To be quite honest, I wasn’t feeling that great either… I put my head down for a moment…

And woke up to Cadance groaning. I shot up. “I was asleep!” I gasped. I guess not having any sun or much light was affecting me pretty harshly.

“And we’re still here!” she moaned. “I need to stop her before she sucks the love out of my groom!”

“Relax, Cadance. It’s only been one night. She probably claimed to have sent me home and then went straight to bed, stating weariness from the journey. There’s still three full days before the wedding.”

She sighed, calming down. “You’re right, of course. We’ll be just fine.” We were silent for a moment. “So tell me about yourself, Nav. We talked about me yesterday. Surely you have some tales about yourself as well.”

“Well, you already know about Luna, so that’s the darkest secret.” I don’t think I should mention the brightest secret of Celestia. “I might as well start at the beginning.” I did just that. We talked until we were tired again. We slept next to each other for warmth. I wasn’t very comfortable with waking up being spooned by a pony, but I’ve been through worse. I extricated myself from her before she woke up and didn’t mention it.

She grew increasingly despondent and I grew increasingly weak as the third day went by. I don’t want to write down some of what was said. It hurt me to see someone so happy and full of life be brought down like that. And it also hurt me to grow so weak from not having any sun.

We woke up the fourth day to the sound of explosions. “Did you hear that?” I asked as I sat up, rubbing my eyes. The canteen was long emptied, meaning we had to deal with crusty mouths.

“It sounded close…” she said.

“A cave-in, maybe.” We heard it again. “That was right next to us!” We went over to the wall we heard it coming from. I tapped my fingers on it. “This is hollow! Can you break it with magic?”

Her horn glowed for a second before the wall exploded. “Good job,” I said to her.

“That wasn’t me,” she whispered, watching as the dust cleared.

“Twilight?” we both said at the same time, seeing her there.

“YOU!” she screamed, jumping at Cadance.

The strength of her tackle sent them a few feet into our chamber. I rushed in and pulled Twilight off Cadance. “This is the real one, Twilight! Calm down.”

“And how do I know you’re real, hm?” she harshly asked.

“Because if you get us out of this I’ll consider forgiving you for letting the dragons almost kill me.”

That calmed her down. “It is you! Thank Celestia! But… if you’re the real Cadance, who is the other one?”

“A changeling,” Cadance answered. “They can look like anypony they want to, and feed off emotion. We have to stop her!”

“Damn right. But first we have to get out,” I said.

Twilight smiled. “I can just teleport us out!”

“Nope. Short range teleportation only down here,” I said. “We tried that when we first got here.”

She sighed and looked back the way she came. We all turned our gaze that way and saw a faraway glint. I felt air stirring gently over my arm hair.

“That way,” we all said, pointing the same direction. We started running.

After a moment, I said, “Do… Do you hear music?”

Cadance began to sing. For fuck’s sake. At least it was a pretty good song, though I felt like we were only hearing half of it. Given that this style of song was often sung with one happy side and one evil side, I figured her doppelganger was up top, singing the opposite stanzas.

Anyway, cue a long run out of the mine shaft, with a trip on a mining cart included. I flew alongside it, not trusting it. It ended with us facing three evil bridesmaids, one of which was Lyra and one of which was Colgate. They were easily taken care of, though sadly my suggestion of punching them in the face wasn’t taken; Cadance actually just distracted them with a bouquet of flowers that appeared out of nowhere.

“Where’s the wedding happening?” I asked as we ran into Canterlot, bypassing the shield around the city. I felt the energy surging through me as the sunlight hit my hair.

“In the Royal Overlook,” Twilight answered, huffing slightly. I knew where that was.

I smiled. “Divide and conquer. You go in and distract them. I’ll come in from behind and kill this cunt while her back is turned.”

They nodded, both too tired to speak. I took off into the air, flying to the outside of the overlook. When Twilight and Cadance burst in, I would be in the perfect position to shoot this changeling in the back. I held on for dear life, hoping no one saw my fingers gripping the edge. After a few minutes, I heard someone barge in, interrupting the ceremony. I heard some pointless exposition and then an explosion. I propelled myself up, letting the air catch my wings and aiming the crossbow at a cylinder of green fire.

I gaped when I saw the changeling’s true form. That is so very, very badass. Why can’t the good guys ever look like that? She was shaped like a pony, with dragonfly-like wings, each one ragged and covered in holes. Not practical, but I guess magic helps. She had a horn on her head that was all kinds of fucked up: It jutted in three different directions, angling sharply. Her four legs had holes drilled through the lower halves so that you could see clear through. Her hair was a long and straight light blue. She appeared to have a crown or something on her head. There looked to be some kind of green saddle or something strapped to her back. She also looked unhealthily skinny. I couldn’t see it at the time, but later I found her eyes were neon green with lizard-like irises. She had large fangs for teeth.

I shook my head and readied the shot, aiming at the base of her neck. She stepped in front of Shining Armor, cutting off my shot. I gripped my crossbow nervously. If I move too much, she might see me. She was going on and on about some plan. God, even her voice is awesome! I ducked behind a pillar until I heard her move again and continue talking. I moved back out. This time Celestia was in my way. For fuck’s sake!

Lacking anything else to do, I actually started listening to her. Apparently she was the queen of the changeling race or something, meaning it was… it was… her job to secure food. I looked at her body again.

As skinny as she was... It looked like she was starving. If I had to guess, I'd say she wasn’t attacking us to be evil, but rather out of desperation. She had no choice, if she wanted to feed her people.

Celestia finally spoke up. “No, you won’t.” In reply to something about taking over Equestria. “You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I will protect my subjects from you!” That last was said while jumping into the air and launching a spell at the queen. The queen countered with one of her own.

Well, Celestia did kind of have a point. What the changeling did was still wrong, even if it was for a good reason. All of that went through my mind very quickly as I readied a shot. I hesitated for an instant, watching the flow of things. For a second, it looked like Celestia would come on top easily, but then the changeling began to push back.

“Nope,” I said aloud as my finger tightened on the trigger, sending a bolt right at the queen’s chest. It bounced off, but it was enough of a distraction to give Celestia the upper hand, bringing her spell down to the queen and knocking her back into a pillar with a nasty crunch. The queen slid to the floor with a thud, knocked clean out.

Most everyone in the room was pretty shocked with this whole turn of events. Cadance reacted first, sprinting up to the stage and doing her best to wake Shining Armor up from his stupor. Her horn glowed for a brief moment and a heart leapt out of it, hitting him in the head. I flinched, reminded of a bad experience with the need it/want it spell. He flinched as well, shaking his head clear.

Celestia and I walked over to the changeling queen, while Twilight ran up to her friends—standing where the bridesmaids would be. “I was wondering when she would show her hoof,” Celestia mused aloud as we looked down on the unconscious queen. “That wasn’t a dog at the party, it was a changeling.”

“I told you that you should have let me question it,” I said, looking down at the queen.

“I knew it was a changeling as soon as I read its memories, Navarone. I didn’t tell anypony because I wanted the queen to show her hoof. They can disguise as anypony they want, so I didn’t know who I could trust. When you disappeared, I knew the queen had taken Cadance. But without knowing where you and the real Cadance were, I didn’t want to risk letting her know I knew. I could faintly see you with the eavesdropping spell, but I couldn’t teleport you out.” I saw a bright pink light behind us and I turned around. Shining Armor was back. Apparently it was his job to keep the protection spell up around the city. It had grown weak while his mind was being corrupted, so he just strengthened it.

“Well, we won. This queen is still very powerful, though. If I hadn’t intervened, she would have won that little duel.”

“You are correct, Navarone. That is why I’m going to banish her to Tartarus before she wakes up.”

I turned to Celestia. “That would be genocide, Celestia. What she did was wrong, yes, but can you honestly say you would have done differently if your people were starving?”

Her eyes hardened. “I would have asked first,” Celestia answered.

“So you’re going to condemn the entire race to death because of the mistakes of their queen? Surely I am not the only one that can see the use of a race that can shapeshift at will. And if all you have to do is feed her love, it shouldn’t be that hard to find an agreement.”

She sighed. “You aren’t wrong. Watch her. If she moves at all, yell.” She walked away and I turned back to the queen, reloading my crossbow. I picked her crown off her head and looked at it. Is this made of… fungus? I put it back on her head, shuddering lightly. As I did so, I couldn’t help but feel her mane. It’s like moss… Just what the hell is this chick made of? I tapped her jet black horn. It felt like every other horn.

I stood back up, hearing others approach. “And you just want me to put her in a bubble?” Shining Armor asked, sounding incredibly surprised.

“Yes, I do,” Celestia answered. “I don’t want your wedding day to be ruined by knowing the pony guilty for almost ruining it is running free. We shall deal with her after the wedding.” The queen shifted. I had my crossbow up in an instant, pointed at her head. “Now!” Celestia commanded. His horn glowed, wrapping the queen in a see-through pink bubble. The bubble gently rose a bit off the ground. The queen shifted again, and then was still.

“Princess, we uh… We have a problem,” Twilight said. We all looked her way. She was looking outside, up.

“Navarone, stay here. Watch her. Shining Armor, come with me.” They walked over to the edge and looked up. I heard Shining Armor whistle lightly. Celestia turned to him. “Can you move that bubble?”

“Yes, Princess.”

Celestia looked at the crowd. “Go to your homes, my little ponies. The wedding will be postponed for one week. Do not panic at the sight awaiting you in the skies; we are all perfectly safe.” They slowly began to filter out. Celestia turned to the collection of bridesmaids and the others. “Rainbow Dash, Cadance, grab Shining Armor. Shining Armor, carry the bubble with the queen. Navarone, come with me and be ready to fight.” We all did as she asked. The bubble drifted over to the group. “Now follow me, everypony.” We walked to the edge and jumped into the air, Cadance and Rainbow Dash carrying Shining Armor.

I looked up. Holy fuck. There was an entire horde of changelings above us. We flew up to the main concentration of them and hovered there. Slowly the horde sorted itself out and one very large one was staring at us standing on the shield.

“Navarone, stick your hand out of the shield,” Celestia ordered.

Are you fucking crazy? I did as she asked, though. The big changeling grabbed it. “Pull him in,” she told me. I did.

“You have our queen,” the guy rasped. He wasn’t angry or sad. Just matter-of-fact.

“She will be well-treated, pending your behavior,” Celestia answered. “If you desire, you may pick one changeling to keep her company. The queen will be staying here for a little while. Depending on how our talks go, she will either be returning home or she will be taking an extended vacation to Tartarus.”

Cadance, Shining Armor, and Rainbow Dash all looked at Celestia like she was crazy.

The changeling nodded. “You are merciful,” he rasped. “I am needed to guide our people until a new queen may be chosen or ours is returned to us.” He looked up. One changeling immediately struck the shield, trying to get to us. He turned to me. “That one,” he said. “Pull her through.” I looked to Celestia, who nodded. I reached up and let the changeling grasp my arm. I tugged her through. The male turned to the new one. “Protect the queen. You will be her only servant for some time.”

“Yes, commander!” the female said.

The commander turned to Celestia. “This is Doppel. She is one of Queen Chrysalis’s maids. She will not misbehave.”

Celestia nodded and turned to Doppel with a smile. “Welcome to Canterlot.”

Shining Armor slipped slightly and Cadance looked down. I knew she was weak from her time in the caves. Celestia said, “Rainbow Dash, take them down. Cadance, get some food in you, and then go get some rest. We can take this from here. Doppel, go with your queen.”

With a chorus of “Yes, Princesses,” they all left. Celestia and I were left with this commander fellow.

She turned to him. “I want your ponies away from Canterlot, commander. I want them away from Equestria entirely, but I don’t think that will be happening…” She thought for a moment. With a bright flash, she summoned a map. “Navarone, where was the entrance to the caves in which you were trapped?”

I looked down at the map, and then up to the surrounding countryside. I pointed a spot out on the map when I found the position. “Around here. But there are three bridesmaids down there, brainwashed. We need to bring them back.”

She muttered something dark. “Go with them, Navarone. Lead them to the cave and bring back the three ponies there.” Celestia turned to the commander. “If the four of them don’t make it back, your queen will suffer.”

He bowed his head. “This one,” referring to me, “is empty. We do not need him. The others have already been sucked dry by the queen; until they are given a chance to recuperate, they are useless to us.”

Celestia didn’t look happy about that, but there wasn’t much she could do. “Go, Navarone. Come back to me as soon as you get back to the city. We have several important things to discuss. And do not let your guard down.”

“I’ll be fine, Celestia.” She nodded, and began to descend back down to the palace. “So what is your name?” I asked the commander.

“I am called Ditto,” he answered. “I am the commander of her majesty’s swarm.”

“Neat. Shall we?”

“The swarm follows you, Navarone,” he answered. I pulled him out of the bubble. When I did, I finally heard the sounds of the changelings. It… It cut into my mind. Think of a swarm of locusts. Now magnify that a hundred-fold, increasing the size of the locusts and the size of the swarm. Beam that sound directly into your brain. Then you’ll know a little bit of the sound of that mass of changelings.

It was disquieting, to say the least. It wasn’t helping that they were all staring at me with blank expressions. “That’s not creepy or anything,” I said aloud. They all continued staring.

“Go, Navarone. We follow,” Ditto said. I turned and flew to where the entrance to the caverns was. I heard the swarm following me. Ditto flew at my side.

I landed right in front of the entrance. “This is it,” I said. “There is a massive cave system down there, with very little light. You’ll want to be careful that you don’t lose many of your people before you have the system mapped out. But for now, wait out here; I need to go get the ponies out.”

“Navarone, what are… people?”

“You and me. We’re people.” I waved my hand over my shoulder at the changeling army. “Those are people.” I pointed to the hole. “The ponies down there are people. ‘Your’ people would mean all of the changelings under your command.” He nodded once. I jumped back into the cave, sliding down the steep incline leading up to the entrance. When I got down, I heard the three ponies still fighting for the bouquet.

I walked over to the three, watching and wondering what to do. Eventually, I sighed and ripped Lyra from the group. She struggled at first until I began tickling her tummy with my fingers. She stopped fighting and starting laughing. After a moment, I saw the green eyes that signified someone was mind-wiped by the queen disappear from her and I stopped.

She quickly calmed down. “Where am I? Navarone, is that you? What am I… what am I wearing?”

“You’re in the caves below Canterlot, yes it is me, and you are wearing a dress.”

“What happened?” she wearily asked, trying to stand to her hooves.

“You were brainwashed by the queen of the changelings and had all of the love slowly stripped from your mind, leaving your body weak and under her control.”

She looked at me like I was an idiot. “That’s stupid. What really happened?”

I shook my head. “Not important. Help me wake the others up.” That was when she noticed them.

“What are you two doing? This is a joyous occasion, not a time to be fighting!” She used her magic to rip the bouquet from their hooves and threw it over the side of a nearby cliff. We actually teleported up it, the drop was so far. “Come on you two, we have to get back to Canterlot for the wedding!”

They looked at her with glowing green eyes that slowly narrowed. “She broke free,” one of them said.

“Not for long,” the other answered.

“Uh, Nav?” Lyra whispered, backing into me. “What are they talking about?”

I popped my knuckles, walking past her. “You’ll find out when you get back to the castle,” I answered.

Two punched out ponies and several new curses added to Lyra’s dictionary later, we got the two of them back to the surface.

“Cave’s all yours, Ditto,” I told him.

He nodded. “Thank you, Navarone. We will settle in shortly. Do you require aid with your charges?”

“I wouldn’t say no to the help. I sure don’t feel like dragging either of them back to Canterlot.”

“Navarone… What are those?” Lyra stammered. I looked at her and saw she was staring at the changelings, completely terrified. I think she was just now able to form words.

“Changelings,” I answered. “Now come on, we need to get back.”

Ditto gestured to a small group of changelings that came towards us. “Four of you go with them. Escort them to the shell. Carry the unconscious ponies.”

Without a word, the changelings picked the ponies up and dropped them on the backs of two of their number. They all looked to me. With a sigh, I led the way back toward the castle.

“Navarone, what happened to us?” Lyra asked, her voice wavering.

“You were brainwashed by the queen of the changelings, helped almost doom Equestria, and tried to keep Cadance, Twilight, and I from saving the day.”

She promptly fainted. One of the changelings threw her over the back of another one. We continued on the way.

As we walked, I tried to draw the changelings into a conversation with no results at all. They all seemed completely blank. After my third attempt, I just sighed. Then a thought hit me. “So you guys can change into anything at all, eh? Can you turn into a human?”

The changelings looked at each other. After a moment, the one without a pony on his back mirrored myself, but was walking on hands and legs. He pushed himself to his feet and promptly fell on his ass. I couldn’t help a smile as he shifted back to the bug-like changeling. I reached out and pulled him to his feet. I shivered at the feel of his skin—it was like an exoskeleton.

“So you can do bipedal, but you can’t stand on two legs without practice. Neat.”

One of them turned into Rainbow Dash. One turned into Cadance. One turned into Shining Armor. One turned into Celestia. I laughed. “Oh man, if you guys could talk, this would be perfect! I don’t suppose you can do magic?”

They looked at each other. Rainbow Dash—the one without a pony on its back—shrugged. I smiled at that. Even as a changeling, she was avoiding work. They all turned back to their real shapes; we were nearing the shell and they probably didn’t want any of the ponies inside seeing them and assuming they were mocking the princess or something. If they could even think.

I walked up to the shell, smiling at the possibilities of an army of shapeshifters. I heard four thuds behind me as the changelings bumped into the wall. I turned and saw them all on their asses, rubbing their heads. The ponies were on the ground, dropped unceremoniously.

An army of really stupid shapeshifters. I shook my head and waved forward a few guards to help me carry the ponies into town. The guards followed me out of the bubble and glared at the changelings.

“Relax, men. We have their queen; they won’t try anything.”

One of the changelings turned into a guard, complete with armor. One of the others smacked him in the face, causing him to change back.

I shook my head with a smile. “These guys are fucking awesome. Now go back to the caves, you four. We have it from here.”

With bad salutes, they took off and went back to the caves.

“You’re getting too close to those monsters,” one of the guards said as he hefted Lyra. “Now what happened to these three?”

“They were reluctant to come back. I had to persuade them. Take them to a doctor. Strap the dark blue one and the white one down until the teal one says they can go.” With much better salutes, the guards trotted off. I flew back to the overlook to find it almost empty.

The three guards posted there saluted as soon as I landed. “I’m not an officer,” I said. “Where’s Princess Celestia?”

“Follow me,” one of them said. I did just that as he led me through the winding palace. We slowly worked our way into the depths of the palace until we eventually got to the dungeons, where he pawned me off to another guard. I followed him deeper into the depths until we got to where the queen was apparently being kept.

It was just her and Celestia in the room, with the queen being in the bubble. The queen had Celestia’s shape.

I watched them glare at each other for a few seconds before loudly closing the door behind me. The both turned their glares to me before the queen gasped. “The void has returned!” she whispered, shifting to her real shape.

“About time, Navarone,” Celestia said. “I am beginning to regret letting you talk me into sparing this changeling. She is incorrigible.”

“You should know this lesson by now, Celestia,” I said. “If you want respect, you must first give it. Queen Chrysalis is a guest, not a prisoner. She does not belong in the dungeons, though she does belong in her bubble until she proves that she is not a threat.” The sound of Celestia’s teeth grinding was rather audible, and the queen smirked at her. I turned my gaze up to her. “The same goes for you, queen. You did nothing at all to represent your interests here. I asked that you be spared because I understand what you did, not because it was right. You acted like a cunt and you deserve whatever punishment you get because of it. But my species has killed enough other species to know that it is a bad idea to do so, and I know that your people depend on you. I believe that a deal can be made between the ponies and the changelings, but for right now, both of you need time to calm down and cool off.”

They both glared at me for a moment before turning to each other and smiling. “I told you he would say something like that,” Celestia said warmly.

“You were right about him, I’ll admit,” Chrysalis said, not warmly but at least not harshly.

With a glow of Celestia’s horn, we teleported to one of the fine rooms for guests in the palace. Chrysalis’s bubble slowly expanded until it covered the entire room. “These are your quarters for now. If you continue acting reasonably, you can stay here. I will try to find a volunteer to… donate… some love to sustain you. Do not harm them overmuch and everything will be fine. We will talk every now and then, and you might receive some visitors. If the visitors are not accompanied by me, Navarone, or Luna, do not let them inside. We will discuss terms in eight days, after the wedding. Now, I would stay, but I must go and fix the mess you made of my kingdom.”

Chrysalis nodded, not looking ashamed or anything like that. “Would you mind if I spoke with the void, before you remove it?” she asked.

Celestia turned to me for a second before looking back to Chrysalis. “You can talk with him later. I need him for now. Come, Navarone.” Celestia turned and left, leaving the door open.

“I’ll send your maid to you when I find her, your majesty,” I said with a nod.

She had already turned, examining her room. I saw her horn flash for a moment before fizzling. She gave a frustrated snarl and I left before she noticed I was still there; she might be unable to use magic, but she still deflected a crossbow bolt with her chest.

I gently shut the door behind me, to find Celestia staring at me. “Be careful with her, Navarone. She is old and wily. She may be here because you requested it, but that does not mean she will feel beholden to you.”

“I’m not worried about her, Celestia,” I answered. “I may be an idiot, but even I am not stupid enough to get close to something like her.” I would be visiting a few times, though; she was probably one of the few people in this blasted world I could have a dark conversation with, without being judged. I was tired of getting looks when I mentioned some things.

“Remember that, Navarone. Now come. We have things to discuss.” I followed her to that evil sitting room that I hate and want to burn down. She opened the door and went inside. I followed her and stopped.

“Celestia, when did Taya get cloned?”

“It’s amazing what happens when you disappear for a week and a half,” Twilight said. I didn’t even notice her; I was too busy looking at the two Tayas that were staring at me.

I looked at them both. One was Doppel, I knew that much. I studied them both for a few seconds. After a moment, I looked to the one on the left. “Daughter, I’m back.” The one on the right shifted to a changeling as Taya ran up to me and hugged me.

“Aww, how did you know?” Doppel asked, somewhat disappointed. “I wanted a snack!”

I heard an intake of breath from Twilight. I looked at Doppel. “Father’s instincts. Your queen desires you.”

“I don’t know the way,” she answered with a shrug. Celestia’s horn glowed for an instant and Doppel disappeared from view.

“Daddy, what’s this?” Taya asked, jerking my medal with magic. I didn’t even realize I was still wearing it. I pulled it off and showed it to her.

“I won a tournament while I was away,” I said. I pulled the bag of bits from my pocket and hefted it slightly. “A raw platinum medal and a large bag full of bits. I don’t think it was worth it, to keep me away from my daughter.”

She looked up at me, beaming.

Twilight said, “You won the tournament, Nav? All by yourself?”

“I sort of cheated, but I did win, yes.”

“‘Sort of’ cheat doesn’t quite cover it, Navarone,” Celestia said with disapproval. “I’ve already had complaints from other participants. What you did was nothing short of brilliant, and yet at the same time so darkly underhanded that I feel dirty congratulating you for it. I’m thinking about changing the rules for the first time in history.”

I smiled. “Why thank you, Celestia. That means a lot, coming from you.” She grimaced.

“Okay, now you have to tell the story!” Twilight said.

I explained to her what I did.

“Correct me if I use this phrase wrong, Nav, but… that’s fucked up,” Twilight said.

I nodded. “You used it correctly. And it most definitely was. Now don’t say that word in front of Celestia again; she’s too young to hear that kind of language!”

“Ahem,” Celestia said. We turned to her. “You didn’t break any rules and you were already declared the winner. And you are hereby banned from competing in any further tournaments of that kind.”

I turned back to Twilight. “This is what I get for winning. Do you think that’s fair?”

“Navarone, shut up,” Twilight simply said.

Human in a pony’s world, man. Just not fair. I shook my head.

Celestia ahemmed again. “Now, Navarone, we need to commission you a suit of armor for your knighting ceremony.”

“Back up.” No one moved. “What was that?”

Celestia smiled at me. “You need a suit of armor to be knighted in. I already have your friend Rarity working on a few designs, but they’ll need your approval.” I felt my wings slowly stiffen at each word she said, until they were sticking out completely.

I opened my mouth, only to have it forced closed by magic.

“You aren’t going to win this argument,” Celestia told me. “I am going to knight you and that is that. The ceremony is going to take place immediately after the wedding, so everypony that’s important will be there. Your armor should be ready by then. I can commission you a new weapon as well, if you desire.”

I felt the magic around my mouth dissipate. “Fuck no.” The magic closed my mouth again.

“No new sword. Fine.” I shook my head. “We’ve already been over that, Nav. You don’t want a sword.” I glared at her. “This isn’t a discussion. I. Am. Going. To. Knight. You. There is no choice here.” She looked pensive for a moment and raised a hoof to her chin. “Well, there might be a choice, actually. You can let Luna knight you instead. Which would you prefer to be, Nav: A Lunar knight or a Solar knight?”

The magic disappeared again. “Neither,” I growled. The magic shut it again.

“Well, you don’t have to choose now.” I heard Twilight giggling behind me. I turned my glare to her, which just made her giggle more. “Now Twilight, that’s no way to congratulate your friend!” Fucking Trollestia. I forced my wings back down. “Princess Cadance will want to speak to you as soon as she wakes up, so you should probably go wash up. And you should get some food in you as well. When you do those, go and talk to Rarity; she’ll want to hear your opinion on the armor.”

The magic on my mouth disappeared again. I opened my mouth but before I could say anything Celestia said, “Your room is to the right of the queen’s.” I shut my mouth.

I left the room and stalked away. I heard a gentle clopping following me, and I knew if I turned, I would find Taya following me. I slowed down for a moment so she could walk alongside me. “Taya, do not go into the room next to ours for any reason, unless it is with me. And if I ever ask you to go in there without telling you the code word, don’t do it.”

“What’s the code word?”

“Bacon. The lady that lives in there feeds off emotions. A lot of bad things just happened because of her. We are trying to help her, but finding a little filly might be too much of a temptation for her.”

“Don’t worry about me, daddy.”

“I always worry about you. That’s my job.” She smiled at that. “When did you get here?”

The smile dropped. “Three days ago. Twilight brought me here to be a… flower filly. I told her that you wouldn’t make me do that, but she said that you weren’t here. Celestia agreed with me.”

Damn right. “I didn’t like doing stuff like that as a child, either. God, I hate weddings. I much prefer funerals, but I got banned from them back home; I cracked one too many jokes and my family decided enough was enough.” It wasn’t quite as strong as the legal order I had banning me from singing, but when the entire family gets behind banning someone from a family event, you don’t tend to get invited to many.

“It sure is a shame you’re going to be the guest of honor, then!” Pinkie said, jumping out from behind Taya.

Yes, I am aware that doesn’t make sense. This is Pinkie Pie.

“Ooh, you reek! Where have you been these past few days?”

“Trapped in some caverns with Cadance,” I answered. “It was awful. She wouldn’t shut up about love! It was love this and love that. I really wanted to smack her.”

“Well duh! She’s getting married, Nav! Of course she’s talking about love so much. Besides, it’s her special talent! Did you see what she did to Shining Armor at the botched wedding?”

“No, I was too busy watching Queen Chrysalis.”

“Oooh, is that her name? I was just on my way to visit her now!”

“How did yo—never mind.” How did she know where her room was? “I was going to visit her after I take a shower. Wait in my room and we’ll go together.”

She waved a hoof. “I don’t need a foal-sitter, Nav. I’m an adult too!”

“She isn’t allowed visitors that aren’t accompanied by me, Luna, or Celestia. I’m shacked up right next to her for that reason.”

She frowned. “That doesn’t seem very fair, Nav. How is she supposed to make friends like that?”

“I don’t know.” I felt sorry for Chrysalis, at the look of determination I saw on Pinkie’s face. “Where is Rarity staying? I will need to talk to her after I visit the queen.”

She smiled. “I can lead you there. I have plenty of spare time since the reception is already fully planned, but Rarity is working overtime now that the real Princess Cadance is back!” And when that is done, I’ll need to eventually talk to Luna.

Pinkie Pie proceeded to repeat the word “Blah” several hundred times in rapid succession while we continued walking to my room. I nodded a few times and giggled when she paused and looked at me expectantly. At one particularly fierce round of them, I shook my head. “I disagree, but I understand why you think that.” She glared at me and continued saying ‘blah.’ When she paused I shrugged. “I’m sorry, that’s just my opinion. I don’t judge you for it, and I hope you don’t think ill of me.” She shook her head with a sigh and gave a few conciliatory blahs, and then launched into another quick round. I nodded my head at the end and she clopped her front hooves together quickly, beaming.

I saw Taya next to me staring straight ahead with a thousand yard stare, trying to ignore Pinkie. I felt Taya’s pain; I had no idea what was going on. I just found that it’s best to humor her sometimes.

When we got to my room, I led the way in and immediately stopped. Pinkie bumped into me and let out a much darker blah. I pushed her out the door and slammed it shut.

On my bed was a very naked female version of me. It was horrifying.

“Doppel, I swear to God if you do not change yourself and get out of my room, I will kill you so hard you die to death.”

My lips were not made to pout like that. “Don’t you want to love me?”

I felt like vomiting. “GET OUT! And if I ever catch you doing this shit again, your queen will be punished! You are here as a boon to her, not to satisfy your own desires!” She sighed as she shifted to her changeling form. I nodded. “Tell your queen to expect visitors shortly. I’m bringing two ponies to meet her after I get out of the shower. And if you do not inform her of this incident, I will. Now go.” She shifted to Taya’s form again as she stood to go. I grabbed her by her throat and lifted her up to my face. “You will not change forms away from your queen’s rooms without permission. At all. Or you will be banned from leaving her rooms as well. Do we have an understanding?”

She nodded weakly. I let her fall to the floor. She changed back to her changeling form. “Now get out.” She walked to the door, tail between her legs. She opened it and left without a word. Pinkie bounced in and Taya followed.

“What was that about, Nav?” Pinkie asked.

I grimaced. “The queen’s maid was not clear on a matter of decorum. I informed her of it.” I started emptying my pockets. The medal and the bag of bits I had left went to the bed. A large dragon scale followed them. An empty canteen clicked when it bounced off the medal. I started removing weapons and turned to Pinkie. “Touch whatever you want, but don’t break anything.” I saw a gleam in her eyes. “Whatever, not whoever.” She sighed. I looked around the room. “Damn, I’m going to need some clothes.”

Taya used magic to open a drawer. I looked inside. I kicked the drawer shut. “DAMMIT!” It was full of brightly colored clothes stamped with Celestia’s royal seal. Taya magicked another drawer open and it was full of dark clothes with Luna’s seal. “That’s not making me any happier, Taya!” She smiled and opened a third one. It had some of my clothes from Ponyville. “Much better,” I said to her. “Thank you.” She nodded.

“So… what were in the other two drawers?” Pinkie asked as I pulled some clothes out.

“Look for yourself,” I sighed as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

A shower later, I stepped back into my room to find a tea party going on. Knowing Pinkie was there, I wasn’t entirely surprised, but I was quite surprised with the party guests: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, and Taya.

I looked at Applejack and Rainbow Dash. “I swear to God, if one of you is Doppel, I’m going to drag you to her room and chain you to the fucking floor.”

“Relax, Nav,” Rainbow said. “That crazy shapeshifter can’t match up to me!”

“She sure can’t beat the ego,” Applejack slyly said, sipping at some tea. “But who is Doppel? One of them freaky bug things?”

“She’s the maid of Queen Chrysalis,” I answered.

“Queen who-now?” AJ asked.

“The big evil thing we captured today,” I said.

“Oh, her. Why does she have a maid, again?”

“Because she’s a queen?” Pinkie said. “Duh, AJ.”

“What she means,” Rainbow Dash said, “is, why are we treating her so nicely? She tried to take over Equestria and she totally ruined the wedding!”

How can I explain this in a way that will make them not hate Chrysalis? Time for conjecture, I guess. “Alright, all of you listen: Did you look at her when she transformed?”

“Yeah, she was really creepy!” Applejack said.

“And evil!” Rainbow Dash added.

“She was starving,” Pinkie Pie whispered into her cup of tea.

The other two looked at her in surprise. Applejack nodded in understanding after a moment. “She was awfully skinny.”

“I don’t get it,” Rainbow Dash said. “She had all the food a princess could need!”

I shook my head. “She’s a changeling, Rainbow Dash. They can’t survive off regular food.” She blinked. “They eat emotions.” Rainbow Dash and Applejack gasped.

“So that’s what she was talking about!” Applejack said, putting the words of the evil speech together with what I just told her.

“Applejack and Pinkie understand, Rainbow. Do you?”

“So she was trying to… eat Shining Armor?”

“She was trying to help her subjects, Rainbow. It is her job to obtain food. But when you have a species that eats love, food is hard to obtain; it’s hard to convince someone to feed you something like that when it means they have to go without. Chrysalis isn’t evil, she’s just desperate, and is trying to be a good ruler for her people. She migrated to where there is an abundance of food so her people won’t be starving anymore.” She looked at me blankly. “Think back to the founding of Equestria. All three pony races moved from their barren, freezing land to a new paradise. They moved here because food could be grown and their people could flourish. It wasn’t perfectly good for the environment, but the ponies didn’t think about that because to them, the environment was just a way of securing food. But to Chrysalis, ponies are the trees and love is the crop. She might not want to hurt them, but she has to in order to feed her people.”

Although to be quite honest, I think she might enjoy her job a little bit too much. I wasn’t about to say that in front of them, though. After all, I wanted them to think Chrysalis wasn't completely evil. I know how much Celestia values the input of Twilight, and I know how much Twilight values the input of her friends. Even if most of them aren't overly intelligent.

“She couldn’t have just asked?” Rainbow Dash questioned.

“Chrysalis has been the queen of her people for a long time. How many races do you think she has asked for help, and how many times do you think she has been rebuked? Think about it: Would you willingly give up some emotions just so something as creepy looking as her can sustain herself?” She blinked.

“Well…” She stopped.

“Think about it,” I said, walking over to my bed. I began to strap weapons back on. “It is always good to keep an open mi—Pinkie, what the fuck is this?” I held up a sheath with a rubber chicken stuffed into it.

“That’s a chicken, Nav,” she said. “Are you okay? I mean, that was a pretty stupid question.”

I dropped the chicken and threw my sword belt over my shoulder. “I’m ready when you are, Pinkie.” I turned to find them all staring at me. “What?”

There was a chorus of ‘nothing.’ I shrugged.

“So Nav, where did you get this?” Pinkie asked. I flinched when I realized she was suddenly right next to me and holding the medal I got from the tournament.

“I won it.”

She read off it, “512th European Grand Combatant Tournament Winner. What does that mean?”

Rainbow Dash spit out her tea all over an instantly disgusted Applejack. Before anyone could react, Rainbow Dash was in my face. “You won that? What happened to the ponies? Spitfire was in that tournament this year!”

I shrugged. “They got their asses kicked. The unicorn put up a large fight, but the other two were put down before they could even fight back. I think the unicorn scored two kills before getting waxed himself.”

Rainbow Dash moaned in disappointment. “What happened?” she groaned.

“Oh, I betrayed them all. It was pretty awesome. Every team that participated asked me if I wanted to help them fight the other teams, and I said yes to each one and told them to all meet me in the same place. They all showed up there and found each other, so it was a glorious and brutal melee. Ponies have no place in something like that. The only team that walked away from that whole was the dogs, and that’s because I told them where not to go because I wanted them to help me mop up the angry survivors.”

Applejack was staring at me in horror and Rainbow Dash was staring at me in disgust. Pinkie Pie was trying to catch her reflection in the dragon scale. “So where did you get this?” she asked, holding it up.

“A friend,” I answered.

“A special friend?” she asked with a grin.

“Yes.” She gasped, dropping the scale and her grin. I picked it up and stared at it before putting it back on the bed. “I’ll probably never see her again, though. No great loss.” Her grin picked up again. “Now, we are expected. We really do need to go.” I turned to Rainbow Dash and Applejack. “Enjoy the hospitality of my room. I don’t know when we’ll be back, but I expect you’ll be seeing Pinkie Pie shortly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Pinkie demanded.

“She’s going to be a friend like Cranky Doodle,” I answered. If she doesn’t immediately try to ban me from bringing Pinkie back, at least.

“Well, at least she’ll be a friend!”

“Who are y’all gonna go see?” Applejack asked.

“Chrysalis,” I answered. AJ nodded and Rainbow Dash blanched. “Come along, Taya.” She didn’t move. “Bacon.” She trotted to me.

“You can’t take a filly to see her!” Rainbow Dash cried.

“You would be surprised at what I can and cannot do, Rainbow Dash,” I answered. “Wait here if you want.” I led my little group out and down the hall. It wasn’t a long walk. “Any doubts, now’s your chance,” I said.

Pinkie Pie and Taya nodded at me. I knocked. Half a second later, the door opened wide and Princess Celestia wearing a French maid dress opened the door. Pinkie giggled.

“We’re here to see her majesty,” I said.

Celestia shifted to Chrysalis. “What do you want, void?” she practically hissed at me.

“You said you wished to talk to me. I brought a friend full of life and a child full of love so my presence wouldn’t hurt you so much.”

Her gaze turned to Pinkie Pie and she snarled. “I remember you, pink one.” Her eyes turned down to Taya. “You, I do not know. How did the void con you here, purple one?”

“If you mean my dad, he asked me to come see you. I don’t know why, though; you seem pretty rude.”

Chrysalis jerked back, her gaze returning to me. “Interesting. You and the purple one may enter. I request that the pink one never return.”

“I’ll give you this warning for your own benefit: It’s better to humor Pinkie Pie a few times than it is to try to rebuke her. She’ll find increasingly improbable ways to annoy you until you either go insane or finally give up,” I told her. Pinkie’s smile grew impossibly wide and she nodded at what I said.

“I will take my chances.”

I shrugged. “That is your right. Pinkie, head on back; I’ll still need you to take me to Rarity.”

Her entire body seemed to deflate, but her eyes took on a very sharp focus on Chrysalis. “Soon. You,” she said, before slinking down the hall, staring the entire way.

“Enter, void.” The door opened further, allowing Taya and I inside. She silently closed the door and followed us in. “I do not approve of this décor, but given my options, I suppose I cannot complain.” Her options were Tartarus, dungeon, or this. “And I believe I have you to thank for what little I do have.”

I turned to her, to find her staring out the window. “I cannot make up Celestia’s mind. I can merely offer advice. She chose to take it. I thought you deserved a chance to present your case in a manner that did not make you appear insane and dangerous. You still have a chance of ending up in Tartarus, don’t get me wrong. But now, at least, you can seek to help your people in a way that doesn’t involve torturing another race.”

“Let me tell you a story, Navarone.”

“I don’t like stories.”

“Then I’ll tell you this: I petitioned Celestia for aid nine hundred years ago. She denied me. She told me that if any of my changelings were caught in her territory posing as a pony, it would mean war, and that was something we could not win at the time. I could go into all the history of it, but it boils down to that one event right there. I asked for help and she told me no.”

“There is history on your side and there is history on her side. A hundred years before you asked her, she was forced to banish her own sister to the moon, using powers they were supposed to only be able to wield together. For a long period of time, Celestia was in a massive depression that only started to wind down around a hundred and fifty years after the event. Fifty years after you asked for her help.”

Chrysalis turned to me, then. “And does that excuse the thousands of mine that died of starvation? The depression and arrogance of one ruler, versus thousands of my subjects?”

“You could ask yourself the same question, Chrysalis.” She stiffened when I said her name. “You risked your entire race when you enacted this plot. Your arrogance in thinking you could win this single-handedly almost landed you in Tartarus. Every one of your subjects would have starved without you there to lead them.”

She glared at me.

“But to answer your question, no, it doesn’t. Celestia’s actions in the past were not good and they were not just. But you are not so clean yourself. If you had succeeded, you would be guilty of genocide just as surely as Celestia would have been if you had all died after she sent you packing nine hundred years ago. Ponies require love to survive, just as your kind does. They do not eat it, but if they don’t feel it, they will shrivel and die, lose the will to survive over time. You were with Shining Armor for around four days, and he became so weak in that time that he could barely perform magic.”

She growled. “So that leaves us with no food source yet again! Why am I even here, then, if you are just telling me I cannot take the love from a pony?”

“You have to take it in small doses, and from several different ponies. You are like a vampire; you cannot expect to survive from one donor, but if you have several to sustain you, you will do much better. And if your kind can survive on other emotions, aside from love, all the better. If you can suck the anger or sorrow from someone, you will be well-received.”

She got a faraway look in her eyes. “I tried feeding on anger, long ago. It ended poorly. Sorrow, though… I don’t think I’ve ever tasted that.”

“Taya, come here.” She slowly walked to me. “Do you want to try an experiment?” Her eyes flicked from me to Chrysalis. She nodded. I looked to Chrysalis. “If you hurt her, I will kill you.”

“I have been doing this for a long time, Navarone. I know how to take just what I need.”

“Avoid the love. Focus on something else.”

She glared at me. “I know what I am doing.” Her twisted horn glowed neon green and slowly pulsed down to Taya’s head. After a moment, both of their eyes widened and Chrysalis recoiled, cutting off her magic. Her wide eyes darted everywhere in the room before settling on me. With a terrifying scream, she latched her hooves on me and moved her horn to my head. It pulsed green and the beam hit me. I felt… nothing. She was like that for half a minute before finally calming down.

“Better?” I asked when she released me.

“Never. Again,” she gasped.

“Bitter?” I asked.

“No, her sorrow was sweeter than love. But the things I saw…” Her body shook. “That she is still standing is amazing.”

“Wait, the things you saw? What?”

“When we steal emotions, we see glimpses of the causes of those emotions. When I was pulling the love from the mind of that fool, I saw constant glimpses of that annoying mare, Mi Amore Cadenza. I saw some of what is in her mind,” she said with a gesture to Taya. “It is not something I want to try on her again. If you can find me somepony that is suffering from sorrow for a different reason, I will be happy to try it.”

“Then what did you do to me?”

“Embraced the emptiness. Your mind is blank, I could feel it as soon as I saw you.”

I nodded slowly. “Try me now.”

“There’s no—wait.” She gazed at me. After a second her horn glowed and the light hit me. She gasped. “Love… It’s watered down, but it’s there! How is this possible?”

I smiled. “Keep going.” Her eyes narrowed as she probed further. She let out another gasp.

“Sorrow! Unpolluted, raw…” Her eyes went wide. “What sorcery is this? How is this here?”

“Try it,” I told her. “Tell me what you see.”

I felt something tugging from my mind. I ignored the sensation. “Odd…” she whispered. I saw her facial expression harden momentarily before she gave a triumphant smile. “Another… whatever you are. It looks different and has longer hair of a different color.”

“Yep. Take all of it.”

“What? That would… I don’t think that would be a good idea, Navarone.”

“Not all of my smart ideas are good. Take as much of it as you can bear, if you refuse to take all of it.” I felt a gentle trickle of something leaving my mind. The feeling was indescribable.

She finally pulled away. “I do not want to take any more until I see what side-effects may come from this, Navarone. I am here on the condition that I do not hurt anypony. I will not risk hurting you, as I believe that would quickly end up with me in Tartarus.”

I felt my hands tighten into fists. “Very well. In that case, check my mind again.”

She smiled and did as I asked. She gave another gasp. “What are you doing to me? Why can I feel nothing from you sometimes and feel so much at others it’s almost overwhelming?”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to answer that question some other time. I unfortunately have somewhere else I need to be. If you ever desire to speak, my quarters are next door to yours. I believe your maid knows the way.”

At the mention of Doppel, Chrysalis frowned. “She will not disturb you again, Navarone. I did not know she was going to do what she did.”

“Thank you. I do not wish her to further damage Taya’s mind. And if you saw what she looked like a few minutes ago, you would understand my fear.”

“She told me that she mimicked you, which is horrifying enough as it is.” Gee, thanks. “You have my thanks for snipping her antics in the bud; I would not want to risk her angering Celestia or Luna.”

“Just trying to make sure my species doesn’t have anything to do with killing off another species.”

“You will have to tell me more about that in our next talk as well, Navarone.”

“I look forward to it, your majesty. Until next time,” I finished with a nod. I opened the door and led Taya out, gently closing it behind me. “That could have gone worse,” I said as we walked back down the hall.

“She doesn’t seem very nice,” Taya commented.

“She’s also not used to talking to anyone; from what I saw, most of her subjects have no intelligence. But no, I also don’t think she’s a very nice person anyway. I don’t think she’s evil, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t bad. It’ll be nice talking to her, but I don’t think I’ll bring you to her anymore.”

She stopped moving. “You’re just using her, aren’t you?”

I stopped, turning back to her. After a moment, I smiled. “Don’t tell anyone else.” The thought to use her didn’t actually enter my mind until a few minutes ago, but I was beginning to think I could use Chrysalis to cure my depression. Who says parasites have to be bad?

Taya continued following me as we walked the rest of the way to my room. When we stepped inside, we found that the tea party had turned into a war planning session. “What,” is all I was able to say as I saw Pinkie poring over maps, a camo helmet on her head. Rainbow Dash and Applejack were still there, trying to look official.

“If you aren’t going to help me talk to Queen Chrisa—Chry—Bug Lady, I’ll have to figure out how to do it myself!” Pinkie said.

“Dammit, Pinkie. Leave her alone. She is too useful to risk antagonizing her and getting her banished to Tartarus.”

“I’m not going to antagonize her, Nav. I’m just going to befriend her!”

I face-palmed. “Rainbow Dash, tell her what is wrong with her statement.” I’ve heard Rainbow Dash describe what Pinkie does well.

“You mean Pinkie’s over-the-top super-hyper antics?” Rainbow asked.

“Yes, those,” I answered. “I’m not even going to try to ask you to understand the politics involved, Pinkie, but trust me when I say that Chrysalis is too useful to be cast aside for hurting a pony. And you are too useful to allow yourself to be hurt by Chrysalis. So just don’t bother her.”

Pinkie looked hurt. “But she needs friends! It’s just her and her maid, and she can’t leave. Surely she’s lonely!”

“I will visit her when I am able. I’m sure Celestia and Luna will as well. And you know Twilight will want to stop by at some time to try to study her. She’ll be fine.” Pinkie still looked ready to argue. “Celestia forbade visitors that weren’t accompanied by me, Luna, or her. If you try to get to her against that proclamation, you might be punished.”

“It would be worth it, to give somepony a smile!”

“Leave off, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “If that monster wants to be alone, let her be alone! She deserves to be a bit lonely for what she did.”

Applejack spoke up, “I know what Nav here said is true, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be punished for her actions. Dashie’s right. She deserves some kind of punishment, and a bit of loneliness seems fitting for trying to break up a marriage before it even started.”

“Honestly, I think being defeated and captured by her prey is punishment enough for someone as proud as she is,” I commented. “But they are still correct, Pinkie. Despite my words, she is not a good person. She did what she did out of desperation, but that doesn’t mean she thinks it was wrong. Just leave her alone.”

Pinkie sighed and slipped her helmet off, leaving it on the table. I knew the helmet would be gone the next time I looked away, so it wasn’t a problem. She slipped down to the floor. “Let’s go find Rarity,” she said, her voice sounding sad.

“Can we stop by the kitchens first?” I asked. “I haven’t eaten in about five days.”

Applejack perked up. “There’s plenty of grub left, from the failed wedding. Since it’s being postponed for so long, we were thinkin’ we’d have to scrap most of it. What’s there is yours, though.”

Oh hell yes. Wedding food without having to actually go to the wedding? I am so down with that. “Lead the way. Taya, you can stay or go.” She went, of course. Free food and the chance to be with me? No way in hell she’d be staying here. I grabbed the medal and the bits off the bed before we left and slipped them into a pocket.

I couldn’t help but hum a bit on the way to the kitchens. I was back home—or close to it—I was with friends, I was set for life in terms of money, and I was about to get some awesome food. Today was a good day.

Then I noticed the three friends were staring at me. “What?”

“I haven’t heard you do that in a long time, is all,” Pinkie said. Then she gasped. “And I haven’t seen that smile in a long time either!” I noticed I had a small smile on. “Girls, the queen kidnapped Nav and replaced him with Doppel!”

“Pinkie, don’t be silly,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Then why is he smiling?” Pinkie demanded. “I can’t get that smile from him, so why could she?” She sounded a bit indignant.

“I could answer that question, but I think it’s more fun not to,” I said.

“I’ll find out one way or another, Nav,” Pinkie said, suddenly serious. “It might be easier on yourself if you just told me now.”

“You’re good, Pinkie, but I’ve beaten you before. I escaped you in the cellar and I can escape you again.”

She grimaced at that. She never did forgive me for getting away from her. “You only escaped because you had Luna there to help you. I won’t make that mistake again. I’ll learn what it takes to get you to smile like this if it’s the last thing I do!”

With that, she threw something on the floor that created a large amount of smoke. When it all cleared, Pinkie was still standing there, smiling. “I love those things!” she said, giggling.

We continued to the kitchens. “Now I have at least two ponies on my case,” I sighed. “Cadance about love and Pinkie about smiles. Wait, three: Celestia wants to fucking knight me.” I heard three gasps. “Life here sucks.”

Cue Rainbow Dash in my face again. “You’re getting knighted? When?”

“Right after the wedding, apparently. For some reason, Celestia told Rarity to design the armor. After I grab some food, I’m going to make sure she keeps it simple and inexpensive since I’ll never wear it again.”

“Oh this is so cool! You’re going to be a knight! Wait, what do you mean you’ll never wear your armor again?”

“My main advantage when it comes to close quarters fighting is my ability to move quickly and avoid getting hit. Armor will kill that advantage, and render me useless in a fight. Besides, I’m not strong enough to move around in that stuff.”

She waved a hoof, landing. “That’s easy! Just start coming with me when I go to work out! We’ll have your wings and body strong enough to carry boulders in no time.”

“Not even close to interested,” I said. “I wouldn’t mind getting in shape, but I don’t care about being strong. Being dangerous is enough for me, and as long as I have this,” I said, lifting up my crossbow a bit, “I’m one of the most dangerous things out there.”

She looked at it dismissively. “I could break that with one hoof, Nav.”

“You’ve seen me use it before, so I don’t need to tell you that you would probably be unable to get close enough to destroy it. And even if you do, you would be hard-pressed to use hooves against a sword,” I said, letting the crossbow drop to its sling and drawing the sword from my back.

She just rolled her eyes.

“So how many weapons do you carry, Nav?” Applejack asked, concern evident in her voice.

“A bunch,” I answered, sheathing the sword.

“How many is a bunch?” Rainbow Dash asked.

I opened my mouth for another smartass response when Pinkie said, “Twenty throwing knives, three fighting daggers, a falchion, the crossbow, and seventy bolts. Two throwing knives are concealed up each sleeve and six are strapped to his belt. The other twelve are in two belts he keeps around his chest. He has one dagger on each leg and one strapped to his belt. Most of them have never been used.”

I closed my mouth when she started. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were alternating their stares from Pinkie to me. When she finished I shrugged. “Yep. There you go.”

“How does she know that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“It’s Pinkie Pie,” I answered. “She just knows.”

“Doesn’t that seem like a bit much?” Applejack asked.

“It’s better to be careful,” Taya said. They looked at her in confusion.

“She’s right,” I said. “I don’t know if any of you were paying attention, but when I shot Chrysalis with the crossbow, the bolt bounced off her. My next attempt would have been lopping her head off with a sword. It’s better to have a bit of variety for different kinds of combat.”

They just shook their heads and we walked on in silence.

I remembered something. “Oh yeah, Pinkie, if I end up going to that big party next year, do you want to come with me?”

She exploded.

Like, one moment she was standing there, and the next moment Taya, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack went flying in different directions. I flew backwards several meters and landed with a pink blur on my chest. What is it with ponies and tackling me?

“YES YES YES YES YES!” She said it a few more times, but I think the message was made clear.

“Then can you get off me?”

“Well I could, but I don’t know if I want to.”

“Would it help if I said please?”

“It might, but I know something that would help much better…” she said with half-lidded eyes.

“I think please will be sufficient,” I said, struggling under her weight.

She sighed and got off me. Hooves on your chest really hurt, man. Well, hooves on your everything hurt, I should rather say.

I sat up and saw the others doing the same. Rainbow Dash had actually been thrown out a nearby window, which was thankfully open. She flew back in and gently preened her wing for a moment. “Let’s not do that again,” she said when she got the loose feather out of the way.

“You said it!” Applejack agreed, picking herself up from the heap she was in.

Taya nodded.

We continued on our way to the kitchens with no further shenanigans. Applejack and Rainbow Dash left us there, to see what they could salvage from the food supplies. I grabbed a bag of stuff for Rarity because I know how she gets when she works. Pinkie led me up to a pretty tall tower. I noticed an open window at the top and grinned.

“You two head on up. I’ll go and surprise Rarity.”

Pinkie mimicked my grin and off they went. I jumped into the air and flew my way up to the window and peered in. I saw Twilight and Rarity gathered around a table on the far side of the room, facing the other way. I slipped in and snuck up behind them and peered over their heads. On the table were several designs.

“Which do you think the real Princess Cadance would like, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“Oh, you know I trust your intuition better than my own in things like these, Rarity,” Twilight answered. “And it’s been so long… She doesn’t appear to have changed much, but I haven’t had a chance to really talk with her since we got back.”

“Well, I’ll just go with my original design. I’m sure since that horrid beast hated it, Princess Cadance will just love it!”

“I’m sure she will, Rarity. All of your work is just lovely.”

“Now, onto our favorite human’s new armor…”

I could see Twilight grinning. “Whatever it is, you’ll have to make sure it can help him sneak better.”

“I know! There’s just no way he can stay silent with that horrid getup he’s wearing. I could hear the disturbance in fabulosity a kilometer away!” They turned to face me, both smiling. Well, that was disappointing.

“You made these clothes, Rarity,” I reminded her.

“I made the clothes, but you put together the outfit. And whoever told you those two things match lied. Why didn’t you wear any of the new clothes I made you?”

“I assume you mean the… liveries… in my drawer?” She nodded, smiling. “Because I am not nor will I ever be a servant. I do not wear the mark of another. I have ideas for my armor, but I will need to find the correct supplies. And you will never ask me where I got them or what it’s made of.”

She frowned. “I’m afraid that isn’t an option, Nav. Princess Celestia sent me word with the specifications already. I know what the armor will be made of, but it is up to me to decide the design.”

“Merde…” So much for making it from leather. “At least I only have to wear it once, and then I can scrap it.” I held up a bag of food. “Here. I know how you get when you start working.”

She pulled the bag from my hands with magic and opened in. Her eyes lit up. “You know, I am rather hungry… But it can wait.” She started to send the bag away.

“No it can’t, Rarity. I know you. You’ll start again and then you’ll forget that’s over there. Eat.”

“He’s right, Rarity,” Twilight said. “You do get awfully into your art.” Rarity rolled her eyes and pulled something from the bag.

I wandered the room a bit, looking around at some of the creations adorning the area. The wedding dress from earlier today was burned in the fire surrounding Chrysalis when she showed her true form, but Rarity was already making new designs. And there were six other dresses here. Five were from the bridesmaids, Twilight’s five friends. I guess the sixth was for Twilight. I saw a suit on one mannequin, and I assumed it was for Shining Armor. I can’t believe they made the poor bastard wear that tacky getup. But then, what do I know about fashion? I saw that a few smaller mannequins had the flower girl dresses, which reminded me of something.

“Twilight, Taya said you tried to make her be a flower girl.”

“I was… convinced… that it would be a bad idea,” Twilight said, blushing. “But Princess Celestia didn’t say why. She explained some things to me, after you left with the changelings.”

“In the future, if Taya says no to something, I suggest listening to her. There is only so far you should push someone out of their comfort zone.”

Rarity said, “If you had been there, you could have spoken up for her.”

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.” Rarity stuck her tongue out at me.

Which made for a pretty funny scene when Pinkie and Taya came in.

“Ooh, are we making faces at Nav?” Pinkie shouted, jumping next to Rarity and making one of her own.

Rarity backed away from Pinkie and tittered. “No, no. Just… You know.” She waved a hoof.

Pinkie looked at her and smiled. “That doesn’t seem very lady-like, Rarity.”

“Well, I can’t be perfect all the time! Even a lady needs some time to let her hair down.”

They continued some manner of discussion or another. I went over to Twilight. “Where’s Spike?” I asked her.

“He’s in the library I believe. Why?”

“I need someone sane to talk to. The others are all consumed about the wedding or my approaching knighthood or both. Luna is probably still asleep so I can’t get her to tell Celestia to cool it.”

“I don’t think Luna will side with you on this one, Nav. She probably wants to see you knighted as much as Celestia does.”

“Do you think I could approach Chrysalis for succor, then?”

“That seems like a terrible idea, Nav.”

“I know. But I don’t want to be knighted. I wonder if that griffin’s offer for generalship still stands…”

“What?”

“Oh, after I won the tournament thing, one of the griffins offered to make me an officer in their army. I turned him down, but I bet he would still take me if I asked.”

“That’s… interesting. Does the princess know about that?”

“Fuck all if I know. I’ve had one conversation with her in the past few days, and that was just me convincing her to not banish Chrysalis.”

Twilight grimaced. “Which was a mistake, I believe.” I opened my mouth to retort but she continued, “I know why you did it; Celestia explained it well. But if she was just acting in the best interests of her changelings, I probably never would have realized she wasn’t really Cadance. I think she really is a bad pony, Nav.”

I nodded. “She definitely is. But that doesn’t mean she can’t be useful. And I believe it would be very useful to have an army of shapeshifters on our side, dependent on us. Even if they are all dumber than dirt.”

“You stopped the princess just because you thought we could use her?” Twilight asked, dumbfounded.

“No. That’s one of the arguments I used on Celestia, though. I stopped Celestia because I understood what she did. I’m glad I did, too; I had a talk with her earlier and she is quite interesting.”

“You don’t say.” It wasn’t a question. “I might have to pay her a visit one day, then. I have a few choice words for her about what she tried to do to Cadance.”

“You’ll have to go in with me, Celestia, or Luna. And if you start antagonizing her, any of the three of us will drag you out.”

“How can you possibly defend her like that?” Twilight asked, sounding slightly hurt.

“Because she and I are somewhat alike,” I said. “We are both species higher in the food chain forced to live among species lower than us. It took me a while to adjust and I know it will take her longer.”

She looked disgusted at the thought. “You would never eat a pony.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t. You are prey and I am a predator. Chrysalis is shaped like a horse, but you can tell by looking in her eyes and in her mouth that she is a predator. There’s a reason you are supposed to only enter her room with an escort.”

I think she was grinding her teeth. “She better apologize to Cadance,” she growled. Her entire demeanor seemed to shift. “I wonder if I could study her… Hm.”

“I don’t think Cadance would mind you studying her, but why would you study an alicorn when there’s a changeling here that you could study?”

“You know what I meant, Nav. Stop being a grammar griffin.” Well, I guess that sounds better than grammar Nazi.

Heh. “I did Nazi that coming,” I said.

“What?”

“What?”

“Nav, you can be really weird sometimes.”

I ruffled her mane. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.” Saying that always pisses her off and it’s always funny. “Whenever you want to visit Chrysalis, just let me know. Or let Celestia or Luna know, I guess. I don’t know what her sleep schedule is, though, so you might want to be hesitant about asking Luna.”

“It won’t be any time soon. I don’t know if I can look at her without wanting to hurt her.”

“You don’t have to look at her if you don’t want to; she can change shapes, remember? She answered the door earlier as Princess Celestia in a maid outfit.”

Twilight went bright red.

“Relax, Twilight! I’m sure she’ll probably answer it as Luna or someone else next time. As long as I never see another female version of me, I’m fine with it. Now that almost made me sick.”

“Nav, that’s completely disrespectful!”

“I know! I mean, after all that effort I went through, they still mock me like that? Sometimes I wonder why I ever bother.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re really as dense as you act, and just occasionally pretend to be smart.”

“I wonder the same thing. It’s fun, either way. I suggest it wholeheartedly.”

“But I thought you didn’t have a heart,” she said.

“I don’t. I really don’t want anyone else acting like this, trying to muscle in on my territory. There’s not enough room here for two smartasses.”

“I think that’s quite enough of this. My head is starting to hurt.”

“Agreed.”

“So do you know what a bachelor party is?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I haven’t thrown one or been to one, though. Why?”

“Well, Spike was supposed to throw one for Shining Armor, but… Spike doesn’t know what a bachelor party is.”

“Oh man, it’s a good thing the queen showed up, then! I can’t imagine getting married for the first time without a bachelor party!”

“Married for the first time? Why would you ever get married a second time?”

“Divorce, widowed, there are probably a few other reasons.”

She grimaced. “Oh yes. I had forgotten about those human customs. Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that here.”

“I guess when you have magic and potions that force love, things are a bit easier.”

“You know we don’t do that to each other, Nav.”

“Unless you’re Princess Luna, apparently. I still can’t believe she did that to me. Or rather, tried to do that to me.”

“You know, you never did let me test that on you. I still want to see if I can recreate the effects and test the poison that was made afterwards.”

“That actually gives me a very interesting idea. What if we gave a pony a love poison and let them look at Chrysalis? She would get all the love she could need.”

“But what about the pony? That seems pretty cruel.”

I shrugged. “We can use a criminal or something. Instead of hard time, they can be harvested for love.”

She looked pensive. “If you can sell the idea to the princess, I can make the poison. And I can siphon a bit on the side to test on you.”

“I’ll go talk to her, then. And then I’ll go talk to Spike. Can you look after Taya for a bit?”

“Of course. There’s a spell she was having trouble with that we can work on when we’re done here.”

“Good. Tell Rarity that we can work on the design later.” She nodded. I walked over to the window and defenestrated myself.

It’s times like these that make me happy I invested in a quiver long enough to have a top on it that I can take off when I need to. I fell straight towards the ground and opened my wings right next to the bottom, letting myself glide to the main palace. I landed right at the entrance and let my momentum carry me forward a few steps into the open doors.

I walked to the throne room and asked the guard, “Is Celestia seeing visitors?”

“She’s in a meeting right now. When she is fi—” The door opened and Shining Armor strode out. “You may enter,” the guard told me.

Shining Armor was looking very ragged. Given what he had just been through, I understood that. “Navarone,” he said, noticing me, “I have things to talk to you about. Several things, but some of them are more important than others.”

“I’m heading to the library next. Meet me there in a few minutes; I have to talk to Celestia.”

He nodded. “I will see you there, then.” He walked off, still looking kind of dazed, and I went into the throne room.

“Navarone, I am surprised to see you back so soon. Has the queen been acting up?” Celestia asked.

“Nah, she hasn’t. I believe I might have come up with a solution for her problem, though: Love poison.”

She didn’t look impressed. “Navarone, it is called love poison for a reason. The drinker will be consumed with love for only the first pony they see, and they are unable to act rationally while under its effects. It could ruin the life of anypony that we let drink it.”

“Which is why we use criminals instead. We give them the option of being harvested for love or doing hard time. When we get two that volunteer for the love option, we lock them in a room, give them the love poison, let them drink it, separate them, then bring in a changeling that looks like the other person that drank the poison. The changeling can get all the love it needs and then leave the room so another changeling can get their dose.”

“Navarone, that solution is incredibly cruel, very evil, and exactly the reason I keep you around. You will be the first person tested with it, as soon as a batch can be made.”

“Love poison doesn’t work on me, actually,” I said. “Someone already tried using it on me. My body… reacted negatively.”

She blinked. “Why was I not informed of this?”

“You’ll have to ask your sister about that, I believe,” I said.

She frowned. “I will. Is there anything else you needed to discuss?”

“Well, I really don’t want to be knighted.”

“Too bad. You are dismissed.” I looked around to find that there were no open windows. I think I got addicted to defenestrating myself.

Lacking that option, I just sort of walked out. Like a boss. Okay, I’ll stop…

I went on to the library, wondering what Shining Armor wanted to talk about. I found him and Spike there, talking together. I walked in and joined them at their table.

“There you are, Nav!” Spike said when he saw me. “Shining here says you’re going to be knighted! How cool is that?”

“It’s terrible,” I said. “Celestia won’t even listen to me when I try to give reasons it’s a bad idea and why I don’t want to be one.”

“Well, yeah,” Spike said. “That’s because you’re really persuasive when you want to be. She doesn’t want to be dissuaded from this.”

“She can’t always get what she wants, Spike,” I replied and turned to Shining Armor. “Do you think you can help me change her mind?”

He was grinning. “I’m the one that gave her the idea.”

“I’m going to have to think of a new insult for you. Give me a little while, I’ll think of something.”

“I can wait.” His grin dropped. “But I did need to talk to you.” His eyes flicked to Spike. “Alone.”

“Very well. The garden is usually empty around this time. Spike, I’ll want to talk to you later as well.” I pulled the bag of bits out and dropped it in front of him. “Hold onto these for me for now.”

He opened the bag and his eyes went wide. “Where did you get this?” he asked, voice filled with wonder.

“I won some tournament or something. There’s more, but Cadance is watching it for me. I’ll tell you more about it later. And I have a bit to add about female dragons, too.” He gave a dirty grin at that. “Let’s go, Shining Armor.” He led the way out and I followed him to the gardens. We saw Fluttershy in the distance, playing with some birds or something.

“I really don’t know where to begin,” he started.

“Try at the beginning. That’s usually a good starting point.”

He barked a laugh. “The beginning… Sure, why not. The beginning of my relationship with Cadance… my beloved.” He looked down for a moment, and then looked back up at me with haunted eyes. “We swore to remain pure until we were wed.”

“Not uncommon, back where I come from. Those that swear usually fail to uphold it, though.”

He looked down again. “I know I failed. Cadance—No, the changeling—came to me the night before the wedding… Last night. She tried to get me to… Well, you know. I reminded her of our oath. She laughed and said we were practically married already, and that she wanted it. Wanted… me.” He looked up at me and I saw that he was crying. “I broke my oath with a monster!”

What can you really say to that? “You didn’t know, Shining Armor. And she was messing with your mind the entire time. There’s a chance she used a spell to weaken your mind so you would give in easier.” I didn’t believe that, personally, but it’s what he needed to hear. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He looked back down. “What am I supposed to tell Cadance?” he muttered.

“Nothing.” He jerked his head back up to me. “She’s not going to notice and she doesn’t have to know. If she ever goes to talk to Chrysalis and she rubs it in Cadance’s face, just tell her that the queen is lying. One night isn’t going to make you great in bed, and ponies are ridiculously bad at sex anyway. Cadance will never know the difference.”

“That’s not very honest, Navarone.”

“I’m not a very honest person. If you want better advice on how to deal with something like this, you should have went to Twilight or Rarity. Both of them know the minds of girls better than I do. But I will tell you this right now: Whatever you do, Cadance will always love you. The entire time we were in that cavern, she was moaning about wanting to save you from the changeling. Her heart is yours no matter what you do, oath or not. As long as you aren’t a complete idiot, you’ll have your happily ever after no matter what.” Although, knowing how these ponies are, I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to fuck it up somehow.

At least that got a smile out of him. “So why do you think ponies are bad at sex? And… how do you even know that? Aren’t you single?”

“Man, you really don’t get out much. Let’s just say I’ve been around the block a few times. Of every race I’ve been with, ponies consistently know the least and are the worst partners. Hell, most of them only know one position, the poor bastards. I taught a few of them some things. I’ll say this for your honeymoon: Go slow, because it can hurt virgins. If you want more advice, come to me after your first time together. I’ll not ruin it.”

“I’ll think about it. Now, how about you tell me how you won the tournament? Cadance mentioned it, but was so tired that she couldn’t get the entire story out.”

I told him.

“I was wrong about the reasoning I gave Celestia to knight you,” he said when he finished. “But I wasn’t wrong about actually getting you knighted. Equestria needs somepony like you.”

“I’m still working on my insult for you. I think I’ll just use man whore until I think of the real one.”

“What’s… a whore? And a man?”

“Oh my God, you are innocent as fuck. You really need to get a life, man. Oh, and things with penises are men. A whore is someone that has sex with little or no cajoling.”

He flinched, but countered, “So what does that make you?”

“Oh, it’s not an insult to me. I had sex outside your fiancée’s door at the party.” I giggled. “Kept her awake all night, too. Dragons sure do like to moan.”

He stared at me with a mix of shock and disgust. “You realize dragons mate for life, right?”

I laughed. “Oh man, Cadance tried the same thing on me! I know more about dragons than just about every pony out there combined, aside from maybe Celestia and Luna.”

He stamped a hoof down. “I thought I had you, too!”

I shook my head. “You and Cadance are going to be perfectly fine. Here’s another hint, just for getting me to laugh: Pegasus—and alicorn—wings are very sensitive. Give her a massage before you get started.”

I saw his horn glow for a second and I felt a bit of air run down the side of one of my wings, making me flinch. “And what about human wings? Are they sensitive as well?”

“Yes. Now quit it; I don’t want to get a boner because a guy was molesting my wings.”

He grimaced. “I don’t know what that is, but I don’t think I want to cause it. Now, when is your knighting ceremony? I want to be there for it.”

“Right after your wedding, apparently. It’s ‘kiss the bride’ and then ‘ruin Nav’s life.’”

“Good! The honeymoon won’t get in the way! After all the pain and suffering you put me through, it’ll be great to see you get to suffer a bit for it.”

I sniffed. “And they called me a monster. You and Cadance are both sadistic; she actually laughed when she realized I was going to be fighting alone in the tournament. I swear she just wanted to watch me get my ass kicked.”

“And yet you won anyway. And you won easily, if what you said was any indication.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that by all rights I should have lost.”

“Well, it would be pretty funny, watching you get beaten down. As arrogant as you always are, it would be good to have you knocked down a peg or two. Or seven. Or twenty.”

“Have you ever stopped to think that there might be a reason I am so arrogant? I mean, I am pretty awesome.”

He rolled his eyes. “You definitely need to get knocked down a bit. And I know a lot of the guards have been wanting to ever since you beat the princesses in their contest.”

“I’ve already been punished for that, thank you very much. Besides, I just had to spend a week with your bride-to-be, three days of which were locked in an underground cavern with nowhere to go. Surely that’s punishment enough?”

“Are you saying she’s unpleasant to be around?” His voice was rather challenging.

“Let’s just say that we disagree on a number of things. I think I get along with Chrysalis more than I do Cadance, and I think Cadance is the kind of person that would disagree with that statement.”

“I am the kind of pony that would disagree with that statement, Nav. Chrysalis is a monster! How can you possibly get along with her?”

“Because I have more in common with her than I do with Cadance, I believe. But I also haven’t spent too much time with her, so I am not yet certain about that. Still, I will have several more conversations with her soon, I believe. Especially since I think I found a way to give her as much food as she needs.”

He looked disgusted at the thought. “The princess explained to me—very thoroughly and for quite a long time—about why the changeling was spared, but must we resort to feeding the monster as well? She tried to kill me and Cadance and take over all of Equestria!”

I’ve written down my arguments for this multiple times already, so I’m not going to do it again. I talked to him about it and he disagreed out of rote. I understand why he did, but that doesn’t mean he’s right. We parted on relatively amiable terms, at least.

That done, I went back to the library, hoping to find Spike. I was disappointed that he was stuck on the whole me being a knight thing, but I was hoping I could skirt around that.

No such luck. “So what are you going to do when you become a knight?” he asked when I found him again. “Go around smiting evil?”

“Oh come now. I’ve only killed one dragon, and even then only if you count little deaths.” Heh. It’s funny because we were in France.

You know, because of la petite mo—Forget it. Fucking ponies don’t know French.

I know Spike sure looked confused. “When did you kill a dragon? Is that how you won the tournament?”

“It’s a joke that you won’t understand. Let’s just say I had sex with a dragon when I was in France. I totally suggest it.”

He looked at me blankly.

“I know you know what sex is, Spike. I’ve explained it to you in the past.” Much to Twilight’s chagrin.

“I’m just… imagining you having sex with that dragon lady we met during the migration.”

“…This dragon was a lot smaller. A little bit smaller than the teenagers.”

He looked pensive for a moment, and then shocked. “Dude, she was probably, like, thirteen!”

Now that he mentioned it... Am I accidentally a pedophile? I waved a hand. “Chillax, bro. She competed in the tournament, and I’m sure they wouldn’t let a child do that.”

He calmed a bit, but still didn’t look that enthused. “Well, how was she, at least?”

I smiled. “She put her snake tongue to incredible use. I could tell you more, but if Twilight ever heard about it, I would probably never hear the end of it.”

“I’m not a hatchling, Nav. You know that.”

“Yeah, yeah. How goes planning for the bachelor party?”

His face lit up. “It’s going to be so awesome! I have it planned for after the wedding, because I know everypony is going to be so busy before it. We’re going to ha—What’s so funny?”

I was laughing. “You realize the bachelor party is supposed to be before the wedding, right? That’s why it’s a bachelor party.”

He was confused by that. “So what’s a bachelor?”

“A guy that isn’t married. Back where I come from, the bachelor party is supposed to be the best man throwing a kickass party for the groom, a way for all the groom’s friends to get their last bit of freedom and partying done with the groom before he’s stolen away forever by his evil wife.”

“Does that mean Shining Armor doesn’t need a bachelor party? Cadance isn’t evil, after all. Well, not anymore.”

“Nah, that’s another tradition from back where I come from. Unmarried men treat getting married like the end of the world, while married men pretend to be slaves of their wives while around their friends. But either way, the point remains: The bachelor party is supposed to be before the wedding. You might want to move it up a bit, bro.”

“Hm… What else does it usually entail?”

“A lot of booze and a lot of strippers. But that shit won’t fly here; Shining Armor is too straight-laced for strippers, and I’m not going to get the only person keeping the changelings out drunk. I suppose the rest of the partiers could get trashed, but we need to keep him mostly sober. Oh, and another thing: No chicks but the strippers are allowed in, unless they’re willing to join the strippers if they get drunk enough.”

I noticed that he was taking notes. After a moment he looked up. “Okay, now what’s a stripper?”

Oh right. Ponies don’t wear clothes. “Don’t worry about it; we aren’t going to do that for Shining Armor and if Twilight—or Rarity, or Celestia, or Luna, or Cadance, or pretty much anyone—hears that I told you to hire strippers it’ll mean my hide. Just go forward with your plans and move them forward a few days. Make sure Shining Armor is free.”

“You said Shining Armor can’t get drunk, but what about the rest of us? I remember that party Pinkie threw for us back when we got back. That was a lot of fun!” Spike didn’t actually get drunk during that party; Twilight wouldn’t let him take more than a few sips.

I scratched at the beard that was coming in. “You breathe a word of it to Twilight and I’ll come down on you harder than she will on me. I think Applejack might have just enough for one more party. You might just want to make sure we’re not going to be in too public a place.”

“You’re going to be there, right? I don’t know a lot of the ponies he asked me to invite…”

“I can if Shining Armor wants me there; it’s a party for him. We just had a bit of a disagreement, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me being there.”

“You mean about that bug lady?”

“Yep. I don’t see what everyone’s problem with her is. I mean, surely you of all people understand, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Spike. You’re a dragon. If things were different, you would be eating these ponies as well. The only reason you’re friends with them instead of eating them is because you were raised by one. Did you even see her eyes? The only difference between her eyes and yours is that hers glow.”

He blinked. “But I would never…” He swallowed. “I wouldn’t…” He sighed. “I wouldn’t conquer all of Equestria, though.”

“You’re also only one dragon. She has an entire nation to feed.”

“I… I don’t want to think about it, Nav.” I can understand that.

“Fair enough. In that case, you want to hear how I cheated to win the tournament at the party?”

“You never cheat, Nav. You just don’t… well, play fair, I guess.”

“Didn’t stop Celestia from punishing me. I’m banned from competing next year. But I think it was worth it.”

“Oh come on, now you have to tell it!”

I did. He was laughing before I was got finished, too. “Oh man, Nav, you’re evil! No wonder you got banned from competing again! The others would tear you to shreds!”

“Oh, I’m not complaining. I know exactly what would happen to me if I competed again. I wasn’t planning on it anyway, but the option to have been able to would have been nice. Still, if I go next year, I’m bringing Pinkie, so at least I’ll have someone else to talk to.” I swear I heard laughter when I said that.

Spike didn’t seem to notice. “It certainly sounds like a fun party, if a bit slow at times. I wouldn’t mind meeting some more dragons, that’s for sure.”

“There weren’t that many there, and most of them were younger. I don’t think you’d have much luck if you went.”

He shrugged. “Maybe I’d get lucky.” Once again, I couldn’t help but smile at his word choice.

“Man, I really need to find some darker people to talk to. I wonder if Chrysalis is still awake… Hey, how do you check books out in this place?”

He shrugged. “I usually just use Twilight’s name and the librarian lets me take as many books as I want. He knows she always returns them, even if it takes a while.”

“Well, I don’t want to potentially ruin Twilight’s good name. What kind of books do you think an evil queen that feeds off emotions would enjoy?”

“Cheesy romance novels. Definitely cheesy romance novels.”

“Alright, I’ll tell her you suggested them. I’m sure she’ll be pleased.”

“Go ahead. I never plan on seeing her again.”

I smiled.

Half an hour later, I was carrying a small stack of books back to Chrysalis’s room. Only one of them was actually a cheesy romance novel; I may be stupid sometimes, but I’m not crazy.

I found Fluttershy waiting at my door. She had some saddlebags around her. I pushed my door open with my foot and led us both in. “What do you need?” I asked as I set the books down for a second. I threw the medal onto the bed next to the scale; I was going to show it to Rarity and ask if she could use it in the armor, but I didn’t get the chance.

“I… I was wondering if you could… Well, if you wouldn’t mind… Um.” She hid her face in her hair.

I walked up to her and removed the hair from her face so she couldn’t hide. “What do you need?” I asked again.

“I want to visit the bug lady,” she whispered.

I let her hair drop back down and she jumped back, squealing lightly. “Sure.”

She peeked back out. “Really?”

“Yeah. She can have visitors. I’m honestly kind of surprised how word got out about her being shacked up next to me so soon.”

Her eyes went wide. “S-s-s-he’s r-r-r-right next d-d-d-door?”

“Yup. Come on.” I grabbed the stack of books and stepped back outside. She slowly followed me. I led her next door and gave the door a shave and a haircut.

I didn’t get two bits in return, though. It just opened and we saw a manticore glaring at us. I nodded to it. “We would like to speak with the queen,” I said.

Fluttershy stared at it, horrified. The manticore turned its head inside and said in Doppel’s voice. “Visitors, your highness.”

We heard a frustrated sigh. “Send them in, if they have an escort.”

The door opened wider and the manticore moved, becoming Twilight. We stepped inside. Chrysalis looked at us from her spot on the couch. “The void has returned and brought yellow-quiet. How fun.” She didn’t sound very enthusiastic.

Fluttershy gasped when she saw Chrysalis and flew up to her. “Oh, you poor thing! Here, let Fluttershy help you…” Fluttershy dropped her bags and began rummaging inside.

Chrysalis looked at me. “What is yellow-quiet doing?” she demanded.

I looked at Fluttershy and then in her bag. “If I had to guess, I would say she thinks the holes that cover your body are wounds, and is going to try to patch them up.”

“What.”

“Just lie back, this shouldn’t take long,” Fluttershy said warmly, pulling out some bandages and disinfectant.

“Void, help me!” Chrysalis was starting to look alarmed.

I sighed and set the books down and walked over to Fluttershy, who was now struggling with an increasingly irate Chrysalis.

“This… is… for your own good!” Fluttershy breathed, trying to juggle a roll of bandages, a bottle of disinfectant, and a very pissed off bug-pony thing.

“Stay away from me!” Chrysalis broke away and got across the room and transformed into me, including all the clothes and weapons. She pulled out the falchion on her back. “Stay back!” she demanded in my voice.

Fluttershy was glaring at her, slowly inching forward. “You’re hurt and I’m going to help you!”

“Fluttershy, stop it. I don’t want to clean your blood off my clothes,” I said. “And I really don’t want to watch myself kill you.”

Fluttershy turned her glare to me. “But she’s hurt! I just want to help her!”

“I’m pretty sure that’s how her body is supposed to look, Fluttershy,” I said.

Her glare dropped. “Huh?”

I thought quickly and made something up off the top of my head. “It’s evolution,” I answered. “Their natural bodies aren’t nearly as strong as some of the other things they can turn into, but they probably don’t gain complete control over their transforming powers until they hit a certain age. Until then, they need some manner of defense mechanism. With holes in their legs, they can make a whistling sound when they fly to scare predators that are chasing them. And I’m sure the wings were just a personal thing.”

Fluttershy said in a very quiet voice, “Oh.” Then she smiled sheepishly, blushing a bright scarlet before hiding in her hair again. “Um… S-s-s-sorry… your majesty…”

Chrysalis was still using my body to glare at her. “I would appreciate it if you left, Fluttershy,” she said.

Fluttershy bolted out the door, leaving the bandages and disinfectant she was still holding spinning in the air. I rolled my eyes and grabbed them before they fell—no, I don’t know how that worked. I carried them over to her bag and dropped them in and then threw it over my shoulder.

While I was doing that, Chrysalis turned back into her own shape and walked over to the pile of books I brought in. “What is this, Navarone?” she asked me.

“I figured you might get bored, so I brought you something to do when you don’t have visitors.”

She kicked part of the small pile aside so the trashy romance novel was on top. “And this?” she asked. “Are you insulting me?”

I shrugged. “I figured Doppel could use some light reading.”

Her left eye twitched. She walked back to her couch. “You do know everything you said to yellow-quiet was a lie, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I figured if she kept it up, she would have killed you, so I thought it best to stop her.”

“Her kill me? I believe you might have been knocked a bit too hard on the head.”

“Fluttershy can be very vicious when she wants to be or when she thinks someone she likes is in danger. She actually beat the crap out of a unicorn a few years ago when he was trying to kill me.”

“A unicorn, trying to kill you? I thought you were practically one of these ponies, with the way you act towards them.”

I pulled my lips back and showed her my canines. “I’m a bit like you,” I said, letting my lips fall back. “And I wasn’t always accepted here.”

“I see. Sit.” There was an armchair near the couch. I set the bags down and eased myself into it, cursing my wings. “I saw a little bit from your mind. Enough to know you aren’t from here. Tell me more about your homeland.”

“I don’t know. Your mind might be too innocent for it; I certainly wouldn’t want to scar you.”

“Navarone, I detest jesters. Tell me or get out.”

“I swear, no one is in a good mood today. I just got out of a cavern I was trapped in with an insipid wretch and I feel fine!” She was starting to look angry. “Fine. I come from a fun little place called Earth.” I told her quite a bit about it. From the looks she gave me while I was talking, I could tell that she was definitely a naughty girl.

“Your people sound marvelous,” she said when I finished. “I could hide among them for centuries and I don’t think a single one would notice. All the food I could ever need…” She sighed in desire.

“Well, we think we might have found a way to get you infinite food anyway. There’s something out there called a love poison that creates intense feelings of love in anyone that consumed it. We will probably test it sometime in the coming week.”

“Surely your beloved princess wouldn’t allow any of her ponies to become mindless sources of food for my armies, at least not without some kind of catch.”

I shrugged. “I just came up with the plan. It’s up to her to implement it. I suggested that we use criminals. Either way, if it works, you’ll probably be set for life, as long as you stick to what you are allowed.”

She nodded. “I want what is best for my changelings, of course.” I don’t think she was telling the truth, but I also didn’t really care. “I am sure we can make do with a few ponies, as long as the effects of the poison are strong enough.”

“Good. I would not look forward to meeting an army of changelings on the field of battle. Though I probably wouldn’t be on the field of battle; my talents lie more in assassination.”

She grimaced and rubbed her chest. “Yes, you left a dent on my carapace with that nasty invention of yours. If you had hit me just about anywhere else, it probably would have punched through.”

I raised an eyebrow. “If you are in pain, there is probably something in this bag that would alleviate it.”

“No, Navarone. I am fine. Now, explain something else to me. What is it that you do with your mind that enables you to hide your emotions?”

“I partition it, essentially. With a force of will, I can push back everything I don’t want to deal with and concentrate on the matter at hand. If you dug enough, I’m sure you could get past the barrier that I keep up. Hell, as long as you’ve been doing this, you could probably push past it instantly, now that you know it’s there.”

“I would like to try.” She stood and I followed. She walked over to me and pushed me back into the chair. “I have fought subjects for control before. This might hurt.”

“Then if I tell you to stop, stop.”

She didn’t answer, just lowered her horn to my head. I let my eyes glaze over and stared straight ahead. “Interesting,” she whispered after a moment. “You aren’t actively fighting, just hiding.” She was silent for a moment. “Where oh where would you put something like that… My my, what’s this?” Her entire body shivered. “I’ll have to remember that. Kat, was it? Not quite what I was looking for…” She was silent again. “You are good at this. Have you been mind probed before?” I didn’t react. “Ah, there it is.”

I pushed back, doing my best to lock my mind down. “Oh, now you fight?” she mocked. I saw her hooves rear up as she kicked the chair back. “I see my goal, and I will have it.” Her horn moved forward again as she stood over me. “You might have a strong mind, but I’ve been doing this since before your species owned your planet.”

I felt her in my mind, this time, digging through the defenses I set up. “Now would be a good stopping point,” I forced out of my lungs.

She didn’t stop. “Not just yet…” She dug a little deeper. “I almost see a name. I am curious, now.”

She was concentrating so hard that she didn’t notice what I was doing until I kneed her in the damaged part of her carapace, backing her up a few steps. It felt like my knee was dislocated, but I forced myself to my feet and drew my sword as she took a step forward, glaring at me.

She took another step forward. “You wouldn’t da—” My sword was at her horn.

“Take another step and you’ll starve to death,” I said, my voice empty.

She smiled as her form began to shift into one I hadn’t seen in too long. I heard a sweet voice say, “You wouldn’t hurt your sist—” I reared back and punched her in the face. She fell back, stunned into changing back into the queen.

I took a step forward, to find my way blocked by Doppel. “That’s enough,” she hissed, turning into a small dragon.

I heard the door creak open behind us. “If I ever see that shape again, there won’t be enough changelings in the world to save you.” It felt good to feel anger again. An old friend, in a way, that I hadn’t seen in way too long.

“Am I interrupting?” I heard Luna ask.

I slid my sword into its sheath. “I think I was just leaving, actually,” I answered. “I’ll see you tomorrow, your highness.” I turned and grabbed Fluttershy’s bag as I walked to the door. “I’ll be right next door, Luna. I would like to talk to you before the night is gone.”

“See you soon, Nav. I just need to talk with our… guest.”

Before I had the door closed, I heard a voice say, “I like him.” I assumed it was Doppel.

I walked back up the hall to my room and set Fluttershy’s bag on my floor. I put the scale and the medal on the drawer and went to the bathroom to fill up the canteen. I hooked it on my belt and sat on the bed, letting my mind slowly clear. I stopped before I even got started and began to unstrap most of my weapons, leaving most of them in a pile next to my bed and only the throwing knives on my belt. I walked over to my window, my shirt still off, and let my wings and body soak in the gentle wind blowing in from the gardens outside.

I heard the door gently ease open behind me and Luna’s voice say, “If you are going to let her anger you, Nav, you should not visit her.”

“She chose the wrong form,” I answered, turning to face her and leaning gently on the window sill. I crossed my arms over my bare chest. “She was in my mind long enough to know how it would make me react.”

“Well, you sure made an impression on her, that’s for sure.”

“A good one or a bad one?”

“A physical one. Her chest was already dented from when you shot her. Now the dent is actually noticeable. Or rather, it was; I popped it back out for her with magic, though I was tempted to leave it there as a punishment for doing something to anger you enough to actually strike her. I’ve never seen you do that before.”

“I don’t think I ever have done that before. The insolence of that woman is just… unbelievable. I know I am disrespectful and occasionally rude, but have you ever actually wanted to hurt me because of it?”

“Well, I was kind of tempted to hurt you today when you told Celestia I gave you a love poison. Since it was kind of true, though, I decided to spare you.”

“Kind of true? Or very true?”

She waved a hoof. “One or the other, I don’t remember which. Anyway, I need to tell you the duties of a knight, for your ceremony.”

“About that…” I felt my mouth clench shut as her horn glowed.

“The ceremony is simple enough. Celestia or I—one or the other—will call you forward and you will kneel before us. We will tap you on each shoulder with our horn and present you a new weapon—usually it’s a set of specially crafted shoes, a set of razor-sharp wing covers, or a steel covering for the horn—and you will pledge your life to our service. That part is simple enough.”

I glared at her.

“The actual duties of a knight are nothing you aren’t already doing, really. You act as our representatives in the field. You will have all of our authority behind you and will be supported by any Equestrian you find. Your weapon will be your badge of knighthood, so I suggest keeping it with you. You will have to help the weak, of course. Being noble is optional, but highly desired. You can be devious, but it isn’t recommended. I don’t think that’ll stop you, though, if what I heard about the tournament was any indication.”

Her horn glowed brighter and the medal on the drawer floated to her. She smiled at it. “Yes, you are definitely ready to be a knight.” The medal set itself back on the drawer. She pulled me away from the window with magic and brought me to her and hugged me. “And the best part is, no pony will judge their princess for falling in love with a knight.”

I returned her hug. “You’ve been talking to Cadance, haven’t you?”

“That insipid wretch? I can’t stand being in the same room with her for more than five minutes. I don’t know how you managed to do it for a week.” She let me go and I went back to the window; it felt nice out. “Celestia has been awfully cruel to you.”

“Yeah. Open the first drawer on the left,” I said, pointing at it.

Her magic opened the drawer, revealing the bright clothes stamped with Celestia’s mark. “What is this? Is she trying to steal you now?”

“No, I think she’s just trying to get me used to the idea of wearing stuff like that. Open the middle drawer.”

It opened, revealing the dark clothes with Luna’s mark. She smiled. “You have all these lovely clothes to wear and yet you’re still wearing that horrid getup? I bet your fashion friend was most displeased with you.”

“Yeah, she was. It was kind of funny. Now, about the whole knighthood thing…”

She sighed. “I will give you one chance to explain your position on the matter. One. After that, I do not want to hear you bring it up again.”

“What would it take to get you both to agree to not—and never—knight me?”

“Either a double wedding in a week or a very good argument.” Oh shit.

“Alright… I really don’t want to. I don’t make oaths. I am not noble. I am always devious. I am a cheater, a liar, a murderer, and a few other bad things. I would have no compunctions with stabbing both you and Celestia in the back if Chrysalis gave me a deal good enough and I believed her. There’s a chance I’ll leave Equestria entirely if you try to force me to do this. I don’t think the common people will readily accept me. I don’t want to be tied down by an oath made at the start of a very long life. Pony kind in general is starting to seriously irk me.”

She didn’t look impressed. “Are you done?”

I shrugged. “I can probably come up with a few more.”

“I’ll save you the time. They won’t work. This is going to happen, like it or not.”

“I’ve heard that before. It is usually a prelude to rape.” Or a Pinkie Party. Sometimes I don’t know which is worse.

She grimaced. “It’s not as bad as that, Nav. It’s honestly more ceremonial than anything else. We just want to reward you for all the service you’ve done for Equestria!”

“Are you trying to reward me, or are you trying to reward yourselves with full access to me due to the oath I’m going to be forced to take?”

“Navarone, you aren’t on Earth anymore. Neither of us wants to use you.”

“Bull fucking shit. You both know your way around politics and I’m sure you’ve both used plenty of pawns in the past. How am I to know I’m not just another pawn in your grand game?”

“Because I didn’t love those I used to use.”

I deflated a bit. “I really don’t want to do this, Luna,” I said with a sigh.

“Will you?” She paused a moment. “For me?”

I closed my eyes and leaned back a bit more. After a while I said, “Can you promise me you won’t require me to do something you know I wouldn’t normally do?”

“No. I can’t.” I opened my eyes to see that she was looking down. After a moment she looked up to me again. “But I can promise that I will never order you to your death.” Oh yeah, that makes me feel better.

“I’ll think about it,” I answered.

She leaned back up to her full height. “You are going to be knighted. The only thing for you to think about is who knights you and to whom you swear. Now, I believe I have things to take care of.”

She turned to go. I said, “Before you leave, can you heal my knee? Her chest was painful.”

She turned back and looked at my busted knee and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t leave her in pain, so I guess I shouldn’t leave you in pain either.” She stepped close and brought her horn to my knee. I felt the pain ease quickly.

She pulled her head up and looked at me. I quickly reached around her neck and pulled her in close and kissed her deeply. She fought for a moment before practically melting in my arms. Since she was so unused to it, she didn’t even fight my tongue, just let me dominate her.

After nearly half a minute, I pulled back. “Thank you, Luna. I don’t suggest eating cupcakes for breakfast, though; it’s unhealthy.”

She was blushing rather heavily. “Uh…”

“I believe you had things to do?” I commented, unable to hold back a bit of a smirk.

“Um. Yes. Things. Important princess things. I will… I’ll see you later, Nav.” She walked out in a daze, leaving the door open behind her.

Now, just what the hell was that? Seriously, where did that even come from?

I’m being knighted and I’m going to live forever. The chances of me ending up with Luna are pretty close to one. Might as well get started now.

Yeah, I’m an idiot. I’m okay with that.

I turned back to the window and bumped noses with Fluttershy. “I believe I have something of yours,” I said, fighting back the small panic I was feeling.

She pulled back and I noticed how brightly she was blushing. I backed away from the window to let her in and she landed with her usual grace. I went over to where the bag was laying and picked it up for her. When I turned back she said, “I… I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry, Nav.”

“You already knew, so there was no harm done.”

“Are you two… finally together?”

“Not really. She’s still going to be here for a few years, and my place is in Ponyville for now.”

“But with you as a knight, it won’t cause any problems. So there’s no reason you can’t be happy together.”

“Nothing preventing it but myself, no. It should be interesting, to see how everything turns out.” I handed her the bag and she set it over her flank. “And Chrysalis was not very amused with your attempts to… help… her.”

She blushed at that. “I just thought… Well, never mind. But are you sure she’s okay? She seemed like she was in a bit of pain.”

“She was, actually. When I shot her earlier, it bent her armor. Luna fixed it, though, so don’t worry.” Honestly, I didn’t even notice that she was in pain. I also didn’t care, but meh. And I didn’t think mentioning the little altercation we had would be a good idea.

“And did she hurt you?”

“I think she would have to be an idiot to hurt me.” That wasn’t a lie.

“Then why was Luna healing you?”

“Just how long were you outside my window?”

“Oh, you know… So the healing?”

“I hit my knee on something.”

“I see. And what did you hit it on?”

“What is this, twenty questions? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I think this is important, Nav. If you got in a fight with Chrysalis, it should be reported to the princess at once!”

“If I give you a hug, will you go to bed and just drop this?”

“Well…” I bent down and gripped her tightly, enveloping her with both my arms and my wings. After a moment I stood up. “I’ll just… go to be—Eep!” She was looking behind me.

I whirled around, drawing a knife without even realizing it and almost loosing it before I realized it was just Doppel. Then I almost released it at her anyway. “What?” I asked, not putting the knife away.

“The queen wishes to speak to you, Navarone,” she said, ignoring the knife.

“I bet she also wishes today had gone a little bit differently, but she can’t always get what she wants, can she?”

“One of the benefits of maid training for the changeling queen is a large amount of martial arts training as well. I am her last defense, and probably one of her best. The queen wishes to speak with you, Navarone. Will you go willingly, or will I have to drag you there?”

I was about to respond when Fluttershy jumped in front of me. “Don’t you dare touch him, you monster!”

“Fluttershy, stand down. Even if she was telling the truth—which she’s not—she would still probably kick your ass.”

Doppel was grinning like a fool. “You’re good at this, Nav. Are you going to come with me or not?”

“I will. But if she is in the shape of my sister again, neither of you will survive this night.” I heard Fluttershy gasp. I continued, “Lead the way, Doppel.” She did, and I grabbed a shirt and my sword belt and followed her out.

Fluttershy said, “Nav, you can’t—” The closing door cut her off. Yeah, yeah, I’m a bad person. She said she was going to bed anyway.

Doppel led me the short way down the hall. I slid the shirt on while we walked. I just carried the sword belt; it would be easier to draw like this anyway. Before she opened the door, she said, “You were right about me lying about being trained. But if you lay another harmful hoof on the queen, I will hurt you.”

“Then let’s just hope she doesn’t piss me off.” Doppel pushed the door open and let me enter first. The door closed behind me. Doppel didn’t follow me inside.

“Navarone, come in. Please, sit.” Chrysalis was on the couch again, and she nodded to the armchair I was in before. It was standing up again, and closer to the couch. I walked over and sat. “You are more useful to me as an ally than an enemy.”

“That was the shittiest apology I have ever heard.”

So changelings turn green when they blush. Interesting. “I am unused to… apologizing. You have been… nice, I suppose is the correct term. And you have been understanding. That is more than I have received from most races in a long time. Because you have been so understanding for me, I wish to understand you as well. When I changed into… her… why did you strike me?”

“You insulted my memories. I know what is real and what isn’t. You are no more her than your servant is my daughter when she changes shape. I don’t mind you taking my memories, but I will not have you ever attempt to use them against me. And if you ever find my name, you will never use it; that is one of the few things I hold over those that own me now, and I do not want to give them the satisfaction of hearing it.” That wasn’t entirely true, but I think the only magic that she could use in this room was stealing emotions, so she wouldn’t be calling me on it.

She didn’t look entirely happy about that. “I do not like being told what to do.”

“I have two things to say to that. Welcome to my world, and that’s what you get for losing.”

“I would not have lost if you had not intervened. I was winning that war of the wills, Navarone. We both could have been free if you had just let me win.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Chrysalis. You would have killed me as soon as you had Celestia beaten; you didn’t see any food in me and I was a danger to you as an unknown element.”

“But if you had helped me, I would have given you anything—or anypony—that you desired. You would have been free to come and go as you pleased. You could have even ruled at my side…”

“You imprisoned me in the caverns without a thought as soon as you saw me. And yet you still expected me to fight Celestia for you? Without even talking about it first?”

“As I recall, when we first met, you were trying to stab me.” Well, she did have a point. She would have had a sharper one if I had my way then. “And now here we sit, both slaves to something that should be our food or our servant.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I am being punished for my part in helping stop you; Celestia is not only forcing me to go to the wedding, but at the end of it I am going to be knighted.”

“You poor thing.” She didn’t sound very sympathetic. “I don’t suppose you could get me an invitation to the wedding? I would very much like to see the two… lovers… wed.”

“I’m not a wedding planner. You would have to ask Cadance, or maybe Celestia. And I suggest not mentioning despoiling the groom; it might not end well for you.”

She smiled, flashing her fangs. “Ah, you heard of my work, then? Yes, he was most pleased with my efforts… By that point, I had him so brainwashed that I didn’t even need the disguise. He was sleeping with Mi Amore Cadenza, but he was screaming my name.” She ran her tongue over her fangs. “These ponies have such outdated concepts of love and loving. Do they all hold to that foolish notion of saving themselves for marriage?”

“Nope. I’ve slept with a few of them. They all suck at sex, though.” I leaned back in my seat. “I must say, I admire your work. To have twisted his mind so far from the true love he feels for Cadance in only three and a half days?” I gently clapped my hands. “Given the chance, how long do you think it would take you to corrupt Celestia or Luna?”

She smiled even deeper. “I do not often attempt the same sex. With them, I think it might take a few years. Most of it would be cautiousness, though. I think Luna would be much easier, given her lonely state.” Her grin turned sly. “But then, she isn’t so lonely anymore, is she?”

I steepled my fingers and met her grin with my own. “You could say that. I accidentally corrupted her in… oh… about six months.”

“And Celestia?” she whispered.

I just smiled.

“My, my. Who is the servant here, and who is the master?”

“I’m afraid I won’t answer that question. Just because I am forced to follow their orders in public doesn’t mean the same applies in private.”

“You know, if you had met me first, we could have had a very profitable relationship.”

“Perhaps. There is much I could do for you. But what could you do for me that I would actually want? Or that I couldn’t get for myself?”

“Power. A way home. Freedom. Anything you desire, really.”

“I have no desire for power. My home is lost to me now, with few regrets. Freedom… Perhaps. But what kind of freedom would I have when I am shackled to your throne instead of Celestia’s?”

Her smile slipped a bit. “I forgot what I was dealing with. You will never support me here, will you?”

“I am supporting you right now, Chrysalis. But I am also supporting the ponies. I am one of the only go-betweens you have. You have burned every other bridge. You made the one cardinal mistake you could make when dealing with Celestia: You threatened her ponies. Luna doesn’t have any real power yet, so sucking up to her won’t do you any good. Cadance is beyond pissed and all of the royal guards hate you right now. Everyone else that has Celestia’s ear is not pleased with you at all. The only two that might have been willing to have compassion on you have been sent away when I tried to bring them. Twilight will probably come by to try to study you, but she is Cadance’s friend and will still be angry at you. I am your only friend right now.”

Her smile slowly slipped away during that little speech. “Friend. I have not used that word in a long time. What would you… What should I do, Navarone? I must be strong to represent the interests of my subjects. But I must be humble to receive aid, since I have no way to steal what I need right now. You say I have… burned bridges. Can they be rebuilt?”

“It will be hard. You won’t like some of what you have to do.”

“If I must, I will.”

“Pinkie Pie wants to throw you a party. The ‘pink one,’ as you call her. The one that is planning the reception for the wedding.”

She grimaced. “Why would she want to… throw me a party?”

“She does that for everyone. It is… annoying as piss, really. But that’s just the way it is. She’ll want to meet you first, though. I can probably bring her here tomorrow, if you want me to. You can use the party to try to talk to some of the others, if they attend.”

“And at the party?”

“We’ll get to that. Do you remember the yellow one from earlier that tried to patch up your legs?” She nodded. “I can bring her by tomorrow as well. Let her look at your chest, where I shot you and then kneed you. I know Luna healed it, but Fluttershy goes giddy over hurt people.”

She sighed. “This is going to be painful.”

“We’re just getting started. Celestia shouldn’t be that hard to win over, honestly. I’ve done half of the work for you, when I told her that you were doing what you did for your people; she is a ruler too, you remember. Even though you and I both know you were doing this more out of revenge and a sick desire to have domination over a weaker species, the fact still remains that in doing so you were helping your own people.”

“I take offense to that.”

“Are you denying it?” She didn’t answer. “That’s what I thought. Applejack should be easy to win over. There’s no point on bothering with Rainbow Dash, Rarity, or Twilight. At least, not until you’ve apologized to Cadance.”

Chrysalis glared at me. “Why would I ever want to do that?”

“Because Celestia is sadistic enough that she might not give you anything until you make peace with those that you ‘wronged.’ A lot relies on getting Cadance to forgive you; you’ll never get Twilight or Rarity without her, and Shining Armor might be a lost cause no matter what you do.” I paused for a moment. “Oh, and you should probably apologize to the three bridesmaids you brainwashed, too. Honestly, they’re pretty much redshirts, but I’m sure it might be important to someone that you do.”

“I don’t remember any of the three of those fools wearing shirts, and none of them were red.”

“It’s a word from my world. Don’t worry about it.”

“So how would you suggest I go about… apologizing… to Mi Amore Cadenza?”

“You know… I honestly don’t know. She is rather upset with you. Maybe she’ll feel better tomorrow. I’ll think of something. And if I don’t, you’re just going to straight up apologize. And I suggest not mentioning what you did to Shining Armor.”

“I am not suicidal, Navarone. I have no defense here aside from my good looks and my carapace.”

“You forgot your winning personality.”

“Quite. At the very least, will you arbitrate our meeting? I know I will not be able to meet alone with her, but I am not so certain Celestia or Luna will be as quick to jump to my defense as you will.”

“I don’t have magic and I have no defense against it. I don’t know how strong a mage Cadance is, but if she starts using magic against you, I’ll have to put her down the hard way. And if she starts using magic against me, we’re both fucked.”

“Do you really think she would do that?”

“On the way out of the caverns, we ran into a batch of that damnable song magic. She was singing about saving her Shining Armor the entire time. I’m pretty sure she’s more than a bit peeved at you. I don’t know if she would resort to attacking you, but she might goad you into attacking her so you’ll get banished.”

“I am a queen, Navarone. I have been queen for a long time. I will freely admit that I am arrogant. But I do have patience and I do have intelligence; she will not anger me enough for me to strike her.” She gave another smile. “Maybe you could learn from me.”

“I told you to stop. You didn’t. You are lucky all you got out of that was a bruised ego; I’ve killed for less.” I still regret what I did to Calix, sometimes.

“And punching me in the face?”

I shrugged. “We all need a few knocks in the pride sometimes.”

“Today I was captured by my prey and locked in a bubble in front of my entire army. Was that not enough damage to my pride for you?”

“Well, I also hadn’t reached my quota for punching things in the face today. You put me at three.”

“And the other two?”

“Two of the three bridesmaids guarding the entrance to the mines. It had been a while since I last got to punch a pony. It felt good.”

“You just like beating up mares, don’t you?”

“After what a few of them have done to me, I think it’s only fair.”

“Ah yes, I remember your friend, Kat. I didn’t get much of what she did, but oh, her well was deep.”

“She was the most physically painful, but not the worst. No, the worst was when two of my friends betrayed me.”

Her lips pulled back in an evil smile. “Can I have a taste?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m saving that pain. I’m keeping it there to remind me why I never trust. You can take anything else from me, but I need to keep that.” Not one hundred percent true, but I was still telling lies to get her to trust me at that point.

She nodded, letting her smile drop. “I understand that, Navarone. I have memories of my own that I keep. Though I don’t suppose you could let me have at least a small snack? I will need to sleep soon, but I don’t like going to bed on an empty stomach.”

“And your maid?”

“She could survive on the morsels I give her. But she has earned a bit of favor for volunteering to be with me in this prison. If you wouldn’t mind, I would ask that you feed her as well, though you’ll find her tastes a bit different from mine.” I felt a strange pulse in my mind. A second later, the door opened. “Enter, Doppel. Our guest has promised to feed us before he leaves.” Her eyes turned back to me. “If you desire to leave, of course. You are… welcome to stay.”

“Several spells have been put over me. One of them disables my ability to sleep in spring and summer. We can have our fun later, though, if you are still interested.”

She smirked. “As long as you are better than that fool Shining Armor. Now sit still. This won’t hurt as long as you don’t fight it.” She stood up and walked over to me as Doppel gently shut the door behind her. Chrysalis lowered her horn to my head and I saw it glow green.

“So what are you in the mood for?” I asked conversationally, letting my mind empty a bit so that everything was hidden.

“You know I can break through your defenses and take what I want.”

“I want you to ask. Surely you can spare that nicety.”

“Hm. I’ve tasted your love and your sorrow. I still have bad memories about anger and hate. What about… happiness?”

My eyes glazed over and I thought back. That’ll do. I pulled that memory forth for her and let the warmth spread.

“Not as concentrated as the sorrow… But yes, it is quite tasty.” After a moment, she pulled back. “Doppel, step up.” She came forth with a massive grin on her face. “Navarone, before I let her at you, there is something I should tell you about changelings: We all have our certain tastes. Most of us prefer love, but a few of us have other tastes. We can, of course, take any emotion, but surely as a creature with refined tastes, you know what it is like to survive on something you don’t like. Doppel here prefers lust.”

Back up. I looked at Doppel. “Why the hell did you disguise as my daughter?”

Chrysalis answered, “She can eat love too. It still tastes good for those that have other preferences.”

Doppel looked at me with wide eyes. “Lust is so much more fun when taken fresh,” she whispered. “I don’t suppose…” Her eyes flicked to my pants.

“No. You will be fine with my memories.”

Doppel sighed and stepped closer. Her small horn gently touched me. I smiled, letting my mind clear. “Should I make her work for it, Chrysalis?”

“I do not want to be here all night, Navarone. Your mind is difficult to traverse even when you give me what I want; there is no order and it is all chaotic. If you want her to find what she is looking for, we will be here until the sun rises.”

“I can do it!” Doppel said, sounding a bit hurt.

“I agree with the queen,” I said. “I don’t feel like being in this position for hours. Here.” I thought of Kumani. “That should be recent enough for you.”

I saw Doppel’s shape shift as I felt a trickle leave my mind. I leaned back and saw that she was now Kumani. “I quite like this form,” she said, stretching her body. “Lithe. Quick. Strong. Strong enough to…” She looked down at me and giggled.

I stood. “I believe that is my cue to leave. If you need me for anything, well… Good luck finding me, actually. My room is next to yours, but I don’t sleep. If you actually need me, Celestia or Luna can easily find me.”

“Until tomorrow then, Navarone.” Chrysalis said. “It has been… nice, talking to someone like you.”

“Any time, Chrysalis.” I let myself out, feeling Doppel’s eyes on me the entire trek to the door.

The trek back to my room was, as ever, short. I found Fluttershy inside, pacing. I walked in and set my sword down. “I thought you were going to bed.”

She looked up at me. “Did you hurt her?” Her voice had a bit of an edge to it.

“Why would I hurt her? Chrysalis is too sweet to ever do anything to anger me.”

Her eyes went wide. “She brainwashed you too!” She looked ready to fly out the window.

“No she didn’t. That was a joke. She apologized for angering me.” Fluttershy slumped a bit. “And I think she wanted to apologize to you as well, for threatening you. But she’s going to bed right now, I believe, so it will have to wait until tomorrow.” I looked her up and down. “You’re pretty weak and helpless, right? Would you be interested in helping us with an experiment?”

“What… kind of experiment?”

“We want to test a love poison with Chrysalis, to see if we can use that to keep her people fed. If we use people that are easier to restrain, the test will be easier.”

“I… I don’t know about that, Nav. It sounds… dangerous.”

I shrugged. “You don’t have to. I’m sure it won’t be hard to find… ‘volunteers.’”

“That sounds… ominous, Nav. You won’t hurt anypony, will you?”

“Well, those under the effects of love poison supposedly forget what happened to them while they were out. So it wouldn’t be that hard to find two servants or something and just slip them the poison. They would never know.”

“That’s evil, Nav!”

“You say that like I should care. I mean, you read my journals. Do you honestly think that something like this isn’t in keeping with something I would do?”

“But… you’re supposed to be getting better! I thought you said Taya was helping you!”

“Just because I’m slowly remembering how to love doesn’t mean I’m going to automatically turn into a good person. The darkness on my soul has etched itself in, now, and I believe it will always be there. It sucks, too; that’s why I’m getting punished by getting knighted.”

“Well, I hope you learned your lesson.”

“Yeah, don’t do favors for princesses. They’ll punish you for it.” She muttered something that it’s probably best I didn’t hear. “You need to go to bed, Fluttershy. You’re getting cranky.”

She gave me a stern look. “And you need to grow a heart, Nav.” With that, she trotted over to the door and left.

I’m a really bad influence on her.

I went back over to the window and looked out. Night had fully fallen. Well, what now? Taya was probably with Twilight, wherever they were. Luna was apparently doing princess things. Everyone else was probably sleeping.

I started searching my room. I found what I was looking for and smiled.

I’ve been meaning to do this for way too long. I started plagiarizing a novel from home. I didn’t remember it perfectly, but when I read books, I tend to remember the plot. I figured I could become a writer and show these ponies some real fiction books, instead of the crap like ‘Daring Do’ that they read.

I smiled grimly and set aside the first paper. On second thought, starting straight at House of Leaves is a bad idea. Romeo and Juliet will be fine, but not even I can capture Shakespeare perfectly.