Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n-ILC7d7paSMc8TbPxcq1VCNPsLnFwxWEc4dEnaS9zw/edit

“So is it, like, sexual for you?” I asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rarity stuffily replied, pulling the lace tighter.

“She has a point,” Kat said. “From what I’ve seen, at least.”

“You’re both perverts,” she said. “I’ve come to expect it from Nav, but I thought you would have more class.”

“Well, now that they mention it…” Fluttershy quietly said. Rarity stared at her in shock. “What? Rainbow Dash pointed it out years ago! I just thought it was a coincidence...”

“If my time spent around Navarone has taught me anything, it’s that there are more perverts in this world than I could have ever imagined,” Rarity sighed, shaking her head.

“Yeah, and you’re one of them,” I replied. “I mean, shit, how many has it been? At least three that we know about. Even if it’s not sexual, that’s still not normal.”

“How would it be normal if it was sexual?!” she hissed.

“See, now that’s an angle I could see you going with,” I said. “I mean, if you’re ashamed of it, I can understand not wanting to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” she immediately said.

“Exactly. It’s a weird fetish, but there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Because it’s not sexual!”

“Then why is it that every time you meet a little boy, your first impulse is to dress him up like a girl?” I asked. “Because there’s one hundred percent a fetish for that and I guarantee you at least half the people on our boat think you have it, myself included.” Her face lit up bright red in what was either anger or humiliation. “I mean, Spike? Spider? Me, once you realized how small I was? Like, fuck. Are you telling me there’s nothing sexual in your mind about putting a guy in a dress? That it’s all a complete coincidence?”

It took her several long seconds to reply. When she did, her tone sounded very diplomatic. “I take great pride in my work, Lady Navarone. I take greater pride in knowing that I have helped a friend find who they really are. To me, the ultimate form of generosity is helping a friend be happy with him or herself.”

“Right, and you do that by trying to dress up every little boy you come across.”

“It’s not every little colt!”

“Yeah, just the ones that you have access to for long enough. After enough time, you convince yourself that everything they do proves that they’re really trans and that it’s your job to help them realize it, so you’re able to excuse your fetish away by rationalizing that you’re just helping them. You know it’s wrong and you feel super dirty about it, so you do your best to hide it and deflect every chance anyone might bring it up, then get super defensive when they press the point until they give up.”

“Wow,” Kat said.

“...Do you need to talk about something?” Fluttershy asked me.

“I do not have a fetish for dressing colts up like fillies!” Rarity shouted, slapping a hoof on the floor.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Rarity,” I said. “You’re among friends. You can admit it.”

“Is this how you thank me for taking time out of my schedule to fix your wonderful clothes and prettify you for your trip to Ponyville?” she asked.

“No, this is how I get back at you for forcing me to dress up despite knowing that I hate doing it.”

“You agreed to let us do it!”

“Only because I didn’t have a choice.”

“There is always a choice,” Kat said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “You chose the easy way of letting Rarity prettify you instead of the hard way of listening to her whine all day.”

“Wait, those were my choices?!”

“Of course. What did you think I meant?”

“That I could do it the easy way by agreeing to get prettified or the hard way by getting forcibly prettified!”

“Oh. Well, you misunderstood.”

“God damm—”

“But it’s too late now!” Rarity said, making one last modification. “You look simply divine, Lady Navarone!”

I stared at myself in the mirror. My dead twin sister’s face stared back at me with sullen and haunted eyes. “I will never get used to that,” I sighed, looking lower.

“You can get used to anything,” Rarity said.

“Not seeing my dead twin sister’s face in the mirror,” I muttered. She flinched. I guess at least this way, I can see her grow older with me. The dress Rarity had me in was pink, because of course it was. It was also very frilly, because what better way to make me suffer? She told me it was to help hide the tail. She may have been right, but I knew she really just wanted to watch me die inside. They also had me in bright white stockings and long white gloves, to help keep me warm. There was no insulation that could protect me from my cold heart, unfortunately. The only reason I didn’t have heels on is because I threatened to stab both of them through Rarity’s eyes if she came near me with them. Instead, they had me in some comfortable sandal-type shoes.

When I finished looking myself over, I snatched the flask from Kat’s paw and took a shot. I have a feeling I’m gonna need to import more of this from the griffins.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Rarity sighed.

“It’s the only way I’m gonna make it through the day,” I said, placing the flask back in Kat’s paw.

“I meant trying to ruin your makeup. You must learn to drink from things properly or else you’ll leave lipstick stains everywhere! Besides, if you want a healthier way to make it through the day, just look at how cute Fluttershy is! Surely that must warm your heart and make you want to go on.”

That made Fluttershy blush, of course. It was also true, because Rarity had her looking about as adorable as possible. Her hair had been curled, courtesy of Kat. Her tail had been braided, courtesy of Ava. She was in a pure white dress that hugged her curves but still managed to seem modest. She was also wearing long stockings, but only on her back legs. I had a feeling all the stallions would be staring at her as we walked past.

Well, those who weren’t distracted by my obviously superior beauty.

“I will admit that we all did a good job with her, but it isn’t enough to get me over the intense burning hatred I feel for everything right now.”

“Good, then you won’t need to cover up your wonderful dress with a jacket,” Rarity said with a nod. “Now, are you ready?”

Since Gloomy brought me all the seeds she could find on such short notice already (which happened to be exactly one) and I already had it taped in my belly button, there was no real reason to put it off any longer. “Yes, but I’m definitely bringing a coat. Unfortunately, intensely burning hatred doesn’t really do much to actually keep you warm, it just keeps you going despite not being warm.”

“Which is why I fill my heart with warm love instead,” Rarity said.

“Gaaay.” She rolled her eyes.

“It actually is a little gay,” Kat quietly said.

“It’s good to know your vassals are loyal,” Rarity said. “Even if it means they’re picking up your detestable behavior.”

“Nav’s behavior is not detestable,” Kat said. “She is a lady. That means her behavior is ladylike.”

“Yeah, so go fuck yourself,” I said, flipping her off. “And then help me pick a coat, because we might as well go full retard since we’re already most of the way there.”

“And that is how you ask for my help?”

“...Pretty please with sugar on top?”

She sighed dramatically and used magic to float a white coat over. “You’re welcome. Now let us depart! I would hate to miss the train.” Note to self: Get a chariot that I can hook up to pegasi.

“Then I’ll need one more thing,” I said, walking over to my desk.

“You aren’t paying for anything today, Navi,” Fluttershy said. “Everything’s on us!”

“I don’t need bits to take the train, actually,” I replied, rummaging around in one of the drawers. “Not unless Celestia’s revoked… this.” I pulled out the train pass Celestia gave me ages ago.

“Never say no to free,” Rarity said with a nod. “Now, shall we?”

“After you,” I replied. “I have absolutely no idea how to get to the train station.”

“Oh, Nav, you would be simply lost without me,” Rarity sighed. “Literally, apparently. I would be happy to lead the noble and lovely Lady Navarone anywhere she pleases.”

I snorted and muttered, “Back into bed would be nice.”

“Was that snark I heard?!”

“Yes.”

“Oh, good. I was starting to think you were losing your edge here in Canterlot. Now, no more stalling. Let’s away!”

Thankfully, I didn’t have to try to stall her. Once we got out of my room, we were stalled by a big purple dragon who appeared to be on his way to see me. He froze when he saw us walking out. When his eyes took me in, his mouth dropped. “What do you think, Spike?” Kat asked, trying to sound sly.

That got him to close his trap, at least. “Come on, Navi, do a spin for him!” Rarity said.

I hadn’t put the coat on yet, so I draped it over Fluttershy’s body, held my arms out, and spun around until I was facing him with a grin. “What do you think, Spikey?” I asked.

“I think that for someone who likes complaining about dressing up as a girl all the time, you sure do it a lot.”

“Forgive me for trying to be attractive,” I said, snatching my coat off Fluttershy. “I’m sorry for trying to make the most of a bad situation.”

“The only bad situation I see here is your face,” he said. “What, did Rarity not have time to do your makeup right?”

“Kat, slap him for me as we walk past him in silence.”

“As you wish, Nav.”

“Oh, what, the silent treatment now? Are you sure you’re not taking being female a little too seriously?”

“Hm… Fluttershy, dragon scales are really protective, right?”

“Um. Yes?”

“Good.” I backhanded Spike so hard that he fell over the railing. Fluttershy and Rarity made some strangled sounding noises and rushed to the side to look down. Spike impacted the floor with a very painful sounding thud.

Kat and I very daintily made our way down the staircase until we got to the bottom, where I stood over him as his eyes finally opened. “I… deserved that,” he groaned.

“Kat?” She reached down and slapped him across the face. “You deserved that. Getting knocked off a balcony is just what comes from pushing me when I’m this close to my period. I got all manner of raging hormones going on in my fucked up head right now, you don’t even know. So don’t fuck with me.” I held my hand out for him. He took it and I pulled him off the floor. Thankfully, he didn’t leave an indentation. “Now, would you like to go to Ponyville with us? I’m pretty sure Pinkie’s throwing a party.”

“You don’t know that!” Rarity yelled as she hurried down the staircase. “And what were you thinking?! You could have hurt him!”

“I owe him a few beatings anyway,” I said.

“After what happened in Iceland…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, maybe a few.”

“What… er, what happened in Iceland?” Rarity asked.

“Nav has been remarkably silent on a few of the details,” Kat said.

“Oh, did you meet your parents?” Fluttershy asked. She sounded very excited.

“I uh… met my father,” Spike said. “Then the dragon king almost killed him and Nav put him in an eternal coma.”

“What?!” they both shouted.

“It’s a long train ride back to Ponyville,” I said. “Spike can tell the story on the way.”

“Uh… how much of it?” he asked.

“As much as you want to tell. But we need to leave soon, so we don’t miss the train. I’m sure you can think about it on the way to the station.”

“I want every single detail!” Rarity said, putting her hoof down.

“You can take that up with Spike, who will be telling the story,” I said. “Now, I believe you were the one in a hurry.”

“...Right. Well then, chop chop! Navi, you will walk next to Spike, to make sure he doesn’t stumble since you just threw him down the stairs. Katrina, you may walk with Fluttershy and I. I believe we could have an enjoyable… chat.”

God dammit, that’s gonna be more people conspiring against me...

Once we got to the door, the guard at it cleared his throat and asked, “Going out, my lady?”

“Yep. Heading to Ponyville for the day, apparently.”

“Give me a moment to find a replacement and I’ll go with you.”

“I will be fine,” I immediately said.

“Watcher—”

“Is my vassal,” I finished for him. “My word supersedes his. Besides, Spike is going with me. I’ll be fine.” Although I think Kat will be a better guard than he is.

He sighed and said, “We worry, my lady…”

“How many guards would it take for you to stop?”

“Probably three.”

“Oh. Well, I guess you can just keep worrying, then.” I continued past him and finally got outside. For some reason, it made me sigh in relief. That relief vanished as soon as Spike wrapped his scaly arm around my smooth one. “Um, what are you doing?”

“Using you to keep my balance,” he replied. “I’m suddenly feeling very dizzy. Maybe I hit my head…”

“Uh huh. And are you sure you aren’t just trying to annoy me?”

“That’s just a nice side-effect.”

Well… I did kinda just push him down the stairs… I let him have it and we finally started walking to the train station. “Should we have invited Gilda?” I asked.

“No. She uh… couldn’t walk very well. I left her curled up on her bed.”

“Nice.”

“So… What did you do to her and Rainbow Dash?”

“Left them tied up with vibrators in them for three hours, then had Twilight free them,” I said with a shrug.

“Oh. That’s kinda hot.”

“I know, right?”

“What do you think she’s gonna do to get back at you?”

“I dunno. Kinda looking forward to it, though.”

“Slut.”

“Hey, I am a lady!”

“Yeah, a slutty one.”

“You’re just jealous ‘cause you’ve never boned me.”

“Hey, that’s not—Wait, I never have actually put it in, have I?”

“Not unless you did it that one time when I was really fucked up on shrooms.”

“Which I did not, because you passed out.”

“And then there was that week I spent blue-balling you with the monkeys.” Good times...

“Which sucked. You are such a tease sometimes.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t actually wanna bone me, since I’m apparently too old for you.”

“I mean… I wouldn’t say no.”

“If you tie Gilda up and force her to watch, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.”

“...I will remember that. Slut.”

“That’s no way to speak to a lady, Spike.”

“I’m pretty sure you enjoy being talked to that way, actually.”

“Not in public.” Actually, a little bit in public, but not by him.

“...Oh, right. Um. So hey, what are we gonna do while we’re in Canterlot, anyway?” he asked.

“Whatever we want. So far, I’ve been to one party and thrown another. Once we get back in town, Twilight’s gonna put me in a coma for a little while.”

“Why?”

“To help center me. Don’t worry about the why. It shouldn’t last long. Once that’s done, I’ll hopefully have time to just relax. It’s been something that’s sorely lacking.”

“You had plenty of time to relax on the ship.”

“In a tiny little cabin on a shitty little bed while constantly being bothered or having to do something. I would really like some quiet time to myself.”

“Makes sense. I don’t know if the others are gonna like that, though.”

“They don’t. That’s their problem, though.”

“Are you sure you should be ignoring the wishes of your subjects?”

“Are you sure they should be ignoring the wishes of their lady?”

“When you put it like that…”

“Once I get past this rush of activity, I’m gonna take some time for myself. I need to take some time for myself.”

“But you don’t have any plans at all, aside from that?”

“We’re gonna help Kat take out the assassins in her old guild at some point. Cadance is gonna visit, along with Eva and possibly Shiny. Let’s see, what else… Oh, and I’m gonna…” I made sure to mumble the last part, which was, “Compete in a beauty pageant.”

“You’re competing in a beauty pageant?” Oh right, dragon hearing.

“Yeah.”

“Cool. When’s it gonna be? I wanna make sure to be there to support you.”

God dammit, I can’t get mad at him for that. “No clue yet. Why aren’t you laughing at me?”

“Why would I? I’m your friend, Nav. That means I support you. It may come with some jabs here and there, but nothing malicious or mean-spirited. I know how difficult all of this is for you, so I’m gonna do everything I can to support you however you need.” I opened my mouth, but he continued, “And if you dare say that’s gay, I’m carrying you all the way to the train station.” I closed my mouth.

“I’m happy that you’re my friend, Spike,” I finally said.

“I’m happier that you’re my friend,” he said, pulling his arm away from mine and wrapping it around my shoulder instead. “Even if you do like throwing me over balconies.”

“...I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what I was thinking. It didn’t hurt too bad, did it?”

“Nah, I’m fine. I didn’t realize you were on your period already. I can usually smell it. All I could smell this time was perfume.”

“I’m not actually on it, but it’s coming up pretty soon. It’s already affecting my emotions.”

“Yeah, I can tell. You actually just said you were happy to have me as a friend. Either Twilight’s been rubbing off on you or your emotions are really messed up right now.”

“That’s just me trying to be a more honest and kind person. I’m generally very negative, apparently, which puts some people off. And since some people are super needy, I need to tell them how much they mean to me pretty often. The truth is, I’m happy that I’m surrounded by so many wonderful friends. Saying it just feels really weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“Bad weird. I’ve always looked at self-reliance as the ultimate goal, but I’m learning more and more that there are so many things I either don’t have the time to do or don’t have the ability to do. Learning to rely on other people is difficult. Learning to appreciate their help instead of pushing them away is hard. Everything I was is fighting against what I’m becoming, if that makes any sense.”

“It does,” he quietly replied. “My pony upbringing clashes with my draconic nature all the time. Who I was taught to be clashes heavily with what I am. You’re doing good, Nav. You’re smiling, you’re interacting with everyone, you’re basically in a relationship. Even Taya’s happy. I’m proud of you.”

“Cool beans.”

“Now you just need to work on how to accept compliments.”

“Is blushing and stammering an acceptable response?”

“For fillies Taya’s age, yes. For… women your age, you should aim a little higher.”

“...Kay.”

We walked in silence for a few minutes. I tried to listen in on what the girls were talking about, but I couldn’t hear them over the general ambience of Canterlot. After we had gotten a few blocks, Spike flinched and said, “Oh uh, sorry about the arm. I kinda forgot…”

He started to withdraw it, but I said, “Wait. You’re warm.”

“Well… if you’re sure.” His warm arm slid back into place and I sighed. Sometimes I miss Kumani…

Only sometimes, though.

“Can you hear what they’re talking about?” I asked.

“Probably, but I don’t eavesdrop. I’m sure it’s just about dresses or something.”

Yeah, dresses they can put on me. I guarantee you those harpies are talking about ways to make me suffer.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything I could do about it but stew in warm silence.

Luckily for us, we got to the train station right as the proper train was pulling up. Since my pass didn’t specify a number of people, we were able to bypass the ticket line and just get right onto the train.

Apparently being a lady has some perks, because we got a fairly fancy and sizable private room. The trip wasn’t long enough to come with any room service or whatever, but it was still nice to be looked after.

“So why don’t you have rooms like this on your airship?” Rarity asked once we were settled.

“First, because I stole it from pirates. Second, because it’s an airship. It’s kinda limited on space. The changeling ship I got is nicer, but it’s also much smaller.”

“Changeling ship…?”

“Yeah, Moonie gave me the first airship she built, along with a crew for it, on the condition that I send it all over the place.”

“That is… unexpectedly generous of her,” Rarity slowly said.

“She’s a real sweetie once you get to know her,” I replied with a shrug.

“She wasn’t very nice to me,” Fluttershy muttered.

“You were also trying to shove things in her holes.” That made Rarity and Spike blush.

“I thought she was hurt!”

“And you didn’t notice all the other changelings looked the exact same?”

“...I was just trying to help.”

“Well, that was Chrysalis. Now she’s Moonie, and much… Well, sometimes much nicer.”

“Oh? And what happened to that miner from Appaloosa?” Rarity asked.

“You mean the one who wanted to pay me a lot of money to kidnap you, cut out your tongue, and deliver you to them?”

“Yes.”

“He got turned into a mobile food source.”

“Hm. Nicer, I see.”

“Would you rather they starve?” Kat asked. “Because that is the alternative.”

“The only people they’re feeding on now are criminals,” I said. “And all volunteers, at that. Celestia asked whether they would prefer being food or being locked up for life. Those who agreed to become food were sent to Chrysalis.” Minus all the political prisoners who she threatened with death instead.

“It’s not a very… appealing solution,” Rarity said.

“You got a better one?”

“...No.”

That killed the conversation for a few seconds, which was fine by me right up until I realized that I forgot to bring the book. Fuck. Now what?

Since Spike is annoying, he decided to say, “So did you all know Nav was competing in a beauty pageant?”

“Of course,” Rarity said, waving a hoof. “I’m looking forward to making so many outfits for her and Kat!”

“Why Kat?” Spike asked.

“Because I’m also competing.”

“And so is Kumani,” I said. “She’s the dragon representative. She’s in Canterlot at the moment.”

“...What kinda pageant is this?” Spike asked.

Surprisingly, Fluttershy beat us all to the explanation. “It’s like Miss Equestria, but for every race. Lady Fleur de Lis is putting it together. There are gonna be participants from all over the world!”

“I didn’t realize you were keeping up with it,” Rarity said.

“W-well… Lady Fleur kinda… sent me an invitation.”

“To compete or to attend?” I asked.

“Well, it’s for an interview to compete. Apparently she’s interviewing a lot of ponies and she wanted me to be one of them.”

“When is it?” Rarity asked. “I would love to make your outfit!”

“In a few days, but—”

“Perfect! That’s plenty of time. We can begin tomorrow.”

“But what?” I asked.

“But… Well, I wasn’t… I didn’t really plan on attending…”

“Why ever not?” Rarity asked.

“Didn’t you hate your time as a model?” I asked.

“Um… I wouldn’t say hate, but…”

“But it’s not something you really wanna do again?” She weakly nodded. “Understandable. I don’t really want to do it either. I’m just doing it because Fleur and Kat twisted my arm.”

“I didn’t even touch you,” Kat said.

“Figuratively. You guilted me into it.”

“Oh. Yes, we absolutely did that.” Spike giggled, because he’s sadistic and enjoys watching me suffer.

“Anyway, I’d be happy with more friends competing, but I certainly don’t expect you to,” I said. “If you don’t want to go, don’t go. If Rarity keeps pressuring you, just take her to town circle and spank her.”

“She shall do no such thing!” Rarity hastily said, trying to fight a blush down.

“Right, sorry. Find a big strong stallion and get him to take her into town circle to spank her.” Rarity just glared at me in mortification. I had a feeling I’d pay for it later, but the look on her face made it worth it, short term.

“I don’t wanna hurt my friends, though.”

“Don’t worry, she enj—” I was cut off by a wad of magic in my mouth.

Rarity looked over to Spike, still blushing, and said, “I believe it’s time for that story about Iceland.”

Spike’s version of events was… close to the truth. He spent a little too long talking about how he banged a totally hot female dragon, and nudged me pretty hard when I started to speak up about it. He also said a lot more about how sexy I was as a dragon than he probably should have. And unfortunately, he actually mentioned how I straight up murdered a dude, but it was okay because he was one of the bad guys.

For reference, Fluttershy and Rarity did not seem to agree.

Thankfully, I didn’t give him many details about Momma Tintaglia, so Rarity didn’t get to find out how I was prettified by a giant insane dragoness. He finished the story with enough spare time to answer questions, which we both did since neither of us had anything better to do.

I’m sure they all had more questions by the time we arrived, but stopped asking anyway. “So we’re all kinda following you two on this one,” I said. “Do we have any plans aside from Pinkie’s surprise party?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea of what you’re talking about,” Rarity said as Fluttershy’s eyes got shifty.

“Uh huh, sure, totally. So, first stop is Sugarcube Corner, I take it?”

“Well… I am feeling a little peckish. So I suppose since you’re insisting, we can stop by.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’d rather avoid it if at all possible. I’m like ninety percent sure the Cakes never forgave me for the uh… incident with Gilda.”

“What did you do?” Spike asked.

“Kinda… had a really loud threesome with Gilda and Pinkie during business hours.”

“Are you sure, Nav?” Rarity asked. “I’m sure Kat would love to see the building!”

“She’ll live,” I said before she could speak up. “Besides, the library and your building are much more interesting.”

“Ugh, fine. I suppose I could pick something up from my house anyway. That shall be our first stop!” Rarity took Kat in hoof and led the way, telling her all about the town as we walked.

I did my best to stand up straight instead of trying to hunch over and slink around. Several of the ponies were staring at me more than usual, certainly not used to seeing me in a dress. It felt uncomfortably awkward and I was starting to consider calling it off and flying back to Canterlot when Fluttershy bumped into me. I looked down at her and realized she was smiling up at me. “Something wrong, Nav?” she asked.

“A lot of things,” I sighed, rubbing her back. “But I’ll live.” I always do, somehow. “So I guess Pinkie really didn’t plan a party for this one, huh?”

“She really didn’t,” Fluttershy replied.

“Good. I fucking hate parties. Like, legitimately despise them. I pretty much only ever attend any of them to appease you guys. Or when I get tricked to them, which I hate even more.”

“Um…”

“Yeah, I know I’m boring and unponylike or whatever. Just trying to be more honest. I might rip out half my fucking hair if I have to deal with another one. Thank god Pinkie didn’t plan one.”

“Well…” A blue aura surrounded her mouth before she could say more.

“Stop lying to Fluttershy, Nav,” Rarity said.

“First of all, you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real mom. Second of all, I’m not lying.”

“She’s really not,” Kat sighed. “It’s been a struggle to get her to participate in any in Canterlot.”

“Nav’s never liked parties,” Spike said. “Like, I can’t think of one she honestly seemed to enjoy.”

“Yeah, most ponies just ignore that because they don’t care whether or not I actually like something. As long as they are having fun, they just assume everyone else is having fun, despite the fact that I complain about parties literally every chance I get.”

“Well, perhaps you should be more mindful of what your friends desire,” Rarity said. “If they want to make you happy by throwing a party in your honor, you should enjoy it for their sakes.”

“Why would they throw a party in my honor if they know I hate parties? Best case scenario, they wasted their time by doing something for me that they know I don’t enjoy. Worst case scenario, they actively plan to do something for me that they know I hate just to piss me off. Either way, they’re spending a lot of time, effort, and money on a party that they should know I won’t enjoy.”

“What about Pinkie’s rave?” Fluttershy asked.

“I tolerated it.”

“What about the Europe parties?” Rarity asked.

“Those are less party and more festival. I avoided most of the party-ish parts.”

“What about—”

“Oh look, we’re here,” I said. Rarity’s boutique hadn’t changed at all in our absence. It was still just as ugly and gaudy as ever. Kat seemed somewhat impressed, at least.

“That we are,” Rarity said, walking up to the door. “Come along inside, out of the cold.”

Fluttershy cleared her throat. “Rarity, I’m not so sure—” She was cut off by Rarity’s icy glare. Fluttershy’s ears drooped and Rarity led the way inside.

As soon as I passed over the threshold, about a dozen ponies all jumped out from hiding and yelled “SURPRISE!” Applejack was at their head with a massive grin on her face.

“As I said, Pinkie did not plan a party for you,” Rarity said with a smirk my way.

“You son of a—” Having all the air forced out of my lungs by overenthusiastic hugs cut me off. The first one to get to me was Rainbow Dash, who had her hair adorably braided. The second was Applejack. The only reason Pinkie wasn’t the third is because Spike scooped her up in a hug before she could get to me.

Thankfully, it appeared that the others were all at least marginally less insane, so they hung back. That said, I heard Twilight say, “We really got her, this time.”

“She makes it hard,” Rarity sighed. “But I’m always up to the challenge!”

“I bet stallions say that all the time around her,” Vinyl said. Oh boy, we really got the full crew here.

My attackers didn’t seem to be letting go, so I sighed and finally hugged them back. I would have preferred Pinkie, since she was softer and squishier, but I still enjoyed the feeling of them pressing against my body.

Once Applejack had her fill, she pulled back. Dash jumped back an instant later so she wouldn’t appear clingy or uncool. When she did, she finally got a good look at me. “Oh wow, you’re lookin’ pretty cute, Nav.”

“You’re pretty adorable yourself, Dashie,” I said. “Love the hair.” I can’t believe she actually did it.

“Yeah, well, a bet’s a bet,” she muttered, a large blush covering her face. I don’t remember it being a bet, but whatever.

“You didn’t have to dress up all fancy for us, Nav,” Applejack said.

“Tell that to Rarity.” She smirked. “Please tell that to Rarity. She has a fucking obsession for dressing me up.”

“A perfectly normal obsession!” Rarity said, slapping a hoof on the floor. “And I do it with everypony, not just you.”

“Well, you didn’t have to dress her up all fancy for us,” Applejack said.

“I beg to differ. One must always look their best!”

“Especially my lady,” Kat said. She stepped up and handed me the flask. I grabbed it and started to drink, but before I could swallow, Pinkie snatched me in a hug and I spewed booze everywhere. Some of it went down my throat wrong, which made me start coughing like crazy. “Yep, that’s our lady for you.”

As much as I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, it currently felt like I was dying. Between the burning of the booze, the crushing hug, and possible asphyxiation, I found myself once more questioning my life choices.

Twilight’s a good person and a super-powerful mage, so she pressed her horn against me and somehow healed the burning and pumped air into my lungs. She didn’t do anything about Pinkie, but I was suitably used to that form of torture. Since I was fine again, I finally took another swig and handed the flask back, then hugged the huggiest mare there was.

“I thought you gave up drinking after what happened with Gourd,” Spike said.

“I thought you gave up being nosy after that whole Fizzle thing,” I said. He decided to shut up.

“What thing fizzled?” Twilight asked.

“Just his hopes and dreams,” I replied, finally releasing Pinkie. She hugged me for another few seconds before pulling back, a smile on her face. “So how’s it hanging, Penko?”

She fluffed her hair a little bit, saying, “Heavier than usual. It’s just about time for a manecut!”

Since she let me go, that allowed the next two to hug me. They happened to be Lyra and what I’m about eighty percent sure was Bon-Bon. It’s pretty hard to tell when she’s in changeling form. I hugged them both back because Lyra was squishy enough to offset Bonnie’s hardness.

“It’s about time you came back to Ponyville!” Lyra said. “What took you so long?”

“Being a noble is busy,” I sighed. “Unfortunately. Ain’t nothin’ stopping you from coming to Canterlot, though.”

“You mean like work?” Bonnie asked.

What is this work you speak of? “Play hookie. You’re self-employed anyway.”

“Says the richest mare alive,” Lyra said, pulling back.

Bonnie hopped back next to her and nodded. “Not all of us can buy fancy mansions in Canterlot at the drop of a hat, Nav.”

“Yeah, but at least you’re living in a fancy mansion.”

“On the edge of the scariest forest on the planet,” Bonnie said with a scoff. “You know how often we get woken up by strange howls or ominous rustling?”

“Apparently not often enough to change your mind about living there.”

“The foals really like the pool,” Lyra said, rubbing the back of her neck.

“No, you really like the pool,” Bonnie said.

“Well, so do they.” Bon-Bon rolled her eyes. “They also like having rooms to themselves, a big backyard, and fresh vegetables from the garden. Plus, the walk to school is good exercise.”

“The best part is, you don’t have to invent excuses not to invite anyone over since no one wants to go out there anyway,” I said.

“How’s that a good thing?” Bonnie asked.

“Well, it’s a good thing if you’re as antisocial as I am.”

“If you’re antisocial, why did you come to the party?” Lyra asked.

“It wasn’t consensually. That’s why it was a surprise party.”

“I’d say we got you good,” Vinyl said, finally stepping forward.

“What, no hug from you?” I asked.

“I’m not all that huggy.”

“Too bad.” I stepped up and hugged her, since I knew it would make her die a little on the inside. She sighed reproachfully, but let me have it.

“So who’s the cat lady?” Bonnie asked while I was still wrapped around Vinyl. I waited for Kat to introduce herself, but she didn’t say anything after a few seconds. I turned my head and discovered that she was speaking to Dash and Applejack.

“That would be Katrina, one of my vassals,” I said.

“Are you done hugging me now?”

“Are you gonna hug me back?”

“Uh. No?”

“I’m not letting go until you hug me back.” She either isn’t as stubborn as I am or she was really desperate to get out of that hug, but she hugged me back for just a second before letting go. That was good enough for me, so I pulled away with a smile. “I’m surprised you’re actually in town. I figured you’d be back to doing concerts.”

“Winter’s kinda an off season for me. I still do the occasional gig, but things slow down and I usually try to take a breather. What about you? I figured you’d still be out and about in the world.”

“I need time to recuperate and get used to my super fucked up body. This stupid tail is driving me crazy.” It was hard to see under the dress, so I lifted it up and swung it around so they could get a look.

Their mouths dropped, of course. “How did you get a tail?!” Bonnie asked.

“That’s so bucking cool!” Lyra said, grabbing it with magic and yanking it (and me) closer.

“Is it sensitive like a dragon’s?” Vinyl asked.

“Magic, it’s definitely not cool, and yes it is.”

“So if I…” Vinyl reached over, eyeballed the tail and figured about where the base would be under the dress, and pressed down on it. My legs shivered. “How’s that feel?”

“Thank you for molesting me in the middle of a party. That’s exactly what I needed.”

“Happy to help,” she replied as she pulled the hoof back. “You know, Octavia never thanks me. Maybe I should do it to you more often instead…”

“It seems you’re not handling your extra additions well,” Bonnie said. “What about your uh… gender swap? Rarity seems to think you’re happy, but some of the others aren’t so sure.”

“Rarity is sadistic and mean. I’m doing a lot better than I was when it first happened, but I’m far from happy about it. I’ve come to accept it, but given the choice, I’d much rather still be a guy.”

“Why?” Lyra asked. “You could join us at the Clam Jousting club now!”

“I thought the first rule was to not talk about it,” Vinyl said. “Or was that another club? I’m a part of so many that I forget sometimes.”

“That is the first rule,” Bonnie said, glaring at her wife.

“Oh puh-lease! This is Nav we’re talking about. Even if she somehow didn’t already know, she’d be delighted to join anyway.”

“I do know and I’m not interested,” I said.

“It would be a hard sell for some of the other members anyway,” Bonnie said. “First off, at the moment, it’s only ponies. There isn’t a rule against non-ponies, but convincing some of the others might be difficult. Second, you used to be a stallion.”

“I’m not interested in rocking any boats. Besides, I got plenty of people to scratch any itch I have.”

Lyra sighed in disappointment and began muttering until her wife elbowed her. “Ugh, fine. But you better make some hands tonight, honey.”

“There are times I regret coming out as a changeling,” Bonnie said, shaking her head.

“Make sure to rub her belly, too.”

“I get forced to do that all the time. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“They’re only the best!” Vinyl said. “Er. Not that, you know, I’ve ever had one…”

“You know you like being my little tummy slut. There ain’t a pony alive who doesn’t.” That made her blush, of course.

“Then you can keep your hands off my wife,” Bonnie said.

“‘Kay.” Lyra sighed again. “Anyway, I need to go speak to Rarity for a moment. I should be back shortly.”

They all said their versions of ‘see you later’ as I tracked down the marshmallow horse. She was seated in her little drama chair thing, watching me and smiling.

“So what do you think of the party?” she sweetly asked when I got closer.

“I think we need to have a little chat,” I said. “In private.”

“Oh my, our dear Lady Navarone asking innocent little me into a private area? I dread to think of the rumors!”

“I’m not above dragging you to another room by one of your ears.”

She rolled her eyes. “Very well, if you insist. Come along, then.” She slid off the lounge thing and led the way into one of her little storage rooms. “Now, what is so important that it can’t wait until Applejack’s masterfully planned party is over?”

“This needs to stop, Rarity.”

“Hm? What needs to stop?”

“You need to stop pretending you don’t know what I do and don’t like.”

“I haven’t the slightest—”

“Don’t play dumb. You’re arguably the most mature one out of all your friends and you’re definitely the least socially retarded. Stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“But… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Why the fuck are you being so stubborn? “We were literally just talking about how much I hated parties while on the way to this bullshit surprise party. Now, you either think I’m a liar or you think I’m a big joker, but neither is the case. I. Hate. Parties. I don’t like attending them, I don’t like planning them, and I most certainly don’t like being surprised by them. Ever. You know this, because you’ve been around for several of the parties I’ve been forced to attend and got to listen to me complain about them.”

“I know that you like pretending you hate parties, but—”

“Rarity, do I look like someone who plays make-believe?” Her eyes shot to my fucked up wings for a moment. “I ain’t pretending shit. I legitimately, honestly, truthfully, one hundred percent hate and despise parties. If I had my way, I would never go to another one. I’m not pretending that I don’t like them to keep up some kind of reputation. I actually don’t like them. Same goes for pretty parties, makeovers, dresses and skirts in general, and a whole list of other bullshit that you and my supposed ‘friends’ keep forcing on me. I’m sick of this shit, Rarity. You can either be my friend and respect what I do and don’t like or I can fuck right up outta here.”

“...That leaves something of a vacuum, Nav.”

“How?”

“Well, you don’t exactly give us many opportunities to do anything with you! And after everything you’ve done for us, we need some way to show our gratitude. Cutting out everything you say you hate leaves the table pretty empty for us, Nav. You don’t like ‘hanging out’, you don’t like parties, you don’t like letting me make you over… What else are we supposed to do for you?!”

“Uh, nothing?” She blinked. “If you want to express gratitude, a simple thank you is more than enough. I don’t do things expecting a reward. I do things because I want to do them. All the same, I’d be happy if the things I do for others just go unmentioned. And I guaran-goddamn-tee you there’s some way we can spend time together that doesn’t involve doing things that I hate.”

“...It’s not like ponies to hide their gratitude, Nav.”

“Then I hope your imagination is pretty good, because you’re gonna need to find some other way to show it. I wasn’t joking when I said attending another party might make me rip out half my hair. I’m stressed the fuck out and dealing with more bullshit that I hate, especially after I literally just went on a rant about how I hate it, isn’t helping.”

“And just what am I supposed to tell the others, hm? Applejack and Pinkie will both be crushed if they know you truly do hate their parties!”

“It’s not their fault that I hate them, it’s my fault for being a boring anti-social homebody.” And, you know, kinda their fault for throwing lame parties. “Pinkie might pretend to not understand, but I know both of them actually will. Also, did all of you honestly think I secretly enjoyed parties but was too ashamed to admit it?”

“Yes.”

“That’s dumb.”

“You don’t usually make any social interactions simple and you’re usually so darkly sarcastic that it’s impossible to tell when you are or aren’t being serious. We just came to the conclusion that you were playing hard to get…”

“I feel like we’ve been down that road before.”

“Well forgive us for trying to make our friend happy!”

“Despite your friend telling you how much he despises parties?”

“Which, I will admit, is a mistake on our part.”

“What the fuck ever. Back to the point, this needs to stop. You guys need to unfuck yourselves. I have enough bullshit on my plate that I certainly don’t need more from people who are supposed to be my friends. I’ll participate in this one because I’m nice, but this better be the last surprise party I ever have. Preferably the last party in general, but I know Pinkie would probably explode if she had to cancel everything she has planned.”

“...As you wish. I will speak to the others after I figure out how to tell them without devastating them.”

“Good.”

“However, I feel I should point out that you also need to… uncoitus yourself in some ways. You may not like receiving gratitude, but your friends certainly like showing it. If you cut us off from our standard avenues, we’ll be left with two options: Getting creative or doing things we know you like. There aren’t many of those, so we’ll probably be forced to get creative unless you can give us more things you actually enjoy.”

“I take it there’s no way to get you guys to just skip it?”

“No way at all.”

“Then I’ll try to think of things I actually enjoy. I’ll get back to you on that. Now, shall we get back into the fray before they think we’re playing seven minutes in heaven?”

“Ugh, ew. Yes.”

We finally left the storage room. Rarity went straight to Twilight, so I assume she was tattling on me. I walked over to Dash and Spike. He was toying with her braided mane and she was pretending she hated it.

“I honestly didn’t think you’d braid your hair again,” I said. “But I’m happy you did.”

She slapped Spike with a wing and he finally let it go. “It’s awful,” she said. “I can’t believe you made me do this.”

“I like it, too,” Spike said. “But I’m kinda curious how you did it.”

“Pinkie did it,” she sighed. “She didn’t stop giggling the entire time.”

“I’ll definitely remember it, Dashie,” I said.

“So about that other thing we agreed on…”

“Having second thoughts?”

“What? No! I already have everything planned. I just need a time.”

“It’ll be at least two weeks, probably closer to three or four. I’m going to a festival in Gryphus, then I’m breaking into a super secure vault, then I’m going into a coma. Once all that’s done, I’ll have time.”

“Oh… Well, I guess that gives me more time to plan!”

“What are you two doing?” Spike asked.

“Going on a—” Dash shut me up by shoving her hoof in my mouth. It tasted awful.

“Camping trip,” she finished for me. “Just the two of us.”

“Why did you shove your hoof in Nav’s mouth? You know she hates that.”

“Because I knew she was about to lie to make me seem super girly. Duh.”

I finally grabbed her leg and forcefully removed her disgusting hoof. “That doesn’t give you permission to violate my holes,” I said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find something to get the taste of your filthy hoof out of my mouth.”

“It’s not that filthy,” she muttered as I walked off. There was a refreshment table set up along one of the walls, so I made that my destination.

Since I’m not allowed to have any peace and quiet, Pinkie intercepted me right as I made it. “Welcome back to Ponyville, Navi! How was Iceland?”

“Shitty.” I filled a cup up with punch and used it to clean the unwashed hoof out of my mouth. “I got tortured and almost raped to death. How’s Ponyville been?”

“Super duper awesome! Ooh, you should stay for a sleepover!”

“Can’t, unfortunately.”

“...Can’t or won’t?”

“I kinda have a daughter to tuck in tonight. And, you know, responsibilities.”

“Does that mean we can have a sleepover at your house? Twilight told me your bed was huge!”

“I also have plans tomorrow. Besides, it was just explained to me that going to Canterlot isn’t something the average person can just do on a whim.”

“Are you calling me average?”

“Well, that depends on what you mean when you ask if we can have a sleepover. If you just mean me and you, then no, you aren’t average. But if you mean we as in everyone here, then there are some average people here. Either way, I’m gonna pass on the sleepover.”

“Well… maybe later.” Fat chance. One sleepover episode was enough. “So, need any super special date ideas? I know all the most romantic places around Ponyville!”

“For me and who, exactly?”

“Oh, you know, Dash or Twilight. Or maybe Fleur. Oooh, just think: You could introduce Queen Chrysalis to everybody here!”

“Uh huh. And what makes you think I’d want to date a few of them?”

“Psh, good one. Dashie isn’t subtle, Navi! I knew precisely why she wanted her hair done so cutely! And who doesn’t know about you and Twilight? Of course, you and Fleur are all over the newspapers. And you seem so close to Queenie that I just assumed!”

“She prefers Queen Moonbeam now.”

“Unless it’s you, then I bet it’s something cute, like Moonie!”

“Well, if I need date ideas, I’ll be sure to ask.”

“You know, Twilight already did ask…” she slyly replied.

“Uh huh. And what did you tell her?”

“You’ll just have to find out on your own, silly!”

“I’ll give you a belly rub if you tell me.”

“You’ll give me a belly rub anyway! You like giving them to me the most.”

“Uh huh. And why do you think that?”

“‘Cause I’m the squishiest and the second softest. Plus, you can’t deny my begging face. And of course, I can’t forget that you love surprises! If I tell you, it’ll give her plan away.”

“I actually don’t like surprises. You just pretend I do so you can justify giving them to me all the time.”

“Eh, tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to. So when are we going to Tartarus?”

“Dunno yet. You have plenty of time to visit your family or go on any vacation, if that’s what you have in mind. I’d suggest getting any unfinished business out of the way.”

“Don’t you worry about me, Navi. Focus on getting yourself ready. How’s the tail?”

“Annoying as shit. About the only redeeming quality it has is being able to hit people with it.”

“Spike can make barbs come out of his. Can you?”

“I… have not tried, actually.” I lifted my tail and concentrated. I wasn’t exactly sure how to make them appear, but I had an idea. With a nudge of effort, several sharp spikes covered the tip of it. “Well well, ain’t that something?”

“How have you never tried this?”

“Never occurred to me. Thanks for the idea. I have a feeling I’ll get to kill somebody with this.”

“Aww…”

“I’m sure whoever it is will deserve it. You know, probably.”

“Does anybody really deserve to die, though?”

“I mean… yeah?”

“Oh, okay! Say, do you still have Blaze in you? Aerie wanted me to ask in front of Twilight.”

“Ahem.” Twilight stepped forward, her eyes lit up uncomfortably red. I had a feeling Aqua had taken the reins. “I believe I misunderstood you, Pinkie. It sounded like you just asked if Nav still had Blaze in her.” I really hate Aerie.

“No, you understood her just fine,” I said. “And the answer is no, I don’t.”

“What possessed you to do such a reckless thing?!” she shouted, making half the party stare at her in shock.

“I don’t need your approval to do anything, Aqua. And I certainly don’t need the attitude. Blaze has not slapped me around. Blaze has not disrespected me.”

“And you never thought about the consequences?!”

“All you do is treat me like a child, Aqua.”

“That’s because your behavior is very akin to one, Navarone. You need proper guidance. Every action you take sends horrific ripples through society. Having you loose without a sister to guide you does more to aid Chaos than the airs ever could!”

“You’re really mean,” Pinkie said. “And you certainly weren’t invited to this party! Put Twilight back in charge.”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed at me. “This action will have consequences, Navarone.” Once she said the last words, her eyes went back to their standard pretty purple.

“If that’s how you insist on treating Nav, I’m done with you,” Twilight said. “Once you return to Canterlot, you’re getting out of my body.”

Instead of waiting, Aqua seeped out of one of Twilight’s ears and shot out of the building. “God, what a bitch,” I said as she left. “What do you think she has planned?”

“I don’t know,” Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry I forced you to put up with that for so long, Nav.”

“I’m pretty worried about whatever she has in mind, but that’s a problem for tomorrow me.” If only I had known how true that was. “For now, I’m just happy you finally saw how much of a bitch she was, Twilight.”

“She had her moments, but she honestly wasn’t giving me that many benefits. A part of me wonders if she was still in me just to spy on you.”

“Well, whatever.”

“So are you two gonna kiss now or what?” Pinkie excitedly asked.

“I mean…” Twilight didn’t wait for permission. She used magic to pull me down and just kissed me in front of everyone. Pinkie started giggling.

Once she was done molesting my mouth, she pulled back with a grin. “Wanna go for a walk with me, Navi?”

I noticed that Pinkie was nodding her head expectedly, so I assumed I was about to go on whatever date suggestion she had. “Sure.” Lyra and Bon-Bon were distracting Kat and Applejack was distracting Spike, so she was able to drag me out alone. Soon enough, we were walking side by side through Ponyville. “Thank you for rescuing me. I hate parties.”

“Happy to help, honey.” I grunted. “Hm, is that too weird? I know you said Navi annoyed you…”

“I don’t mind when you call me that. Being in a relationship is still a little foreign.”

“It is for me, too. But I kinda like it. I’m okay with you dating other mares for now, but there’s gonna be time for a choice, Nav.”

“Yeah, I know. There’s gonna be a lot of hard choices in our future.” Several of the ponies we were passing were very pointedly staring at me in surprise, but I was definitely used to that by now. I’m sure the news had spread to them that I was a chick now, so I guess they just felt like being rude. “So what’s gonna happen tomorrow?”

“We’ll discuss our roles more in-depth, then I turn you into a pony and we catch the train to Gryphus. I already have a room booked. We’ll play things by ear while we’re there, but remember that I am in charge.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Twiley. I’m definitely looking forward to it,” I said, tousling her hair.

“So am I. I think it’ll be very therapeutic. I’ll get to try out several of the fetishes you’ve recommended.” I can’t believe Twilight actually said that out loud. Though given that the ponies were all giving me wide berths, I don’t suppose it really mattered that much.

“You’re getting bold.”

“I’ve learned a lot from you, Nav. I used to be ashamed of my desires. Now, I’m happy to own them.”

I reached over and smoothed her hair back into place. “Good. So where are we going?”

“Are you feeling hungry? There wasn’t much at the party but sweets.”

“I could eat, but I was told not to bring bits.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re dating a wealthy mare. Let’s go get dinner.”

Free food is always good, though I kinda had a feeling there were gonna be strings attached. “Lead the way.”

She figuratively did so. “How’s it feel to be back in Ponyville in a dress?” she asked as we walked. “I know you were worried about it before.”

“Weird, and I don’t really like it. I get that they already know, but seeing me in a dress just makes it… a lot more final.”

“I mean… It kinda is pretty final. Despite everything, I haven’t found any way of reversing genders. The elementals and Athena couldn’t help you. Unless Hera can do anything, you’re stuck.”

“Even if she could do anything, I don’t know if I’d want to ask for her help. Not after what she did to the unicorns from the tower.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“One died in the maze. I went in to check on them while the other two were resting. I spoke with them and the stallion got pissy. He ended up insulting Hera and threatening Athena, so Hera skinned him alive and made the mare watch. Athena ended up letting her go, but kept her horn as a trophy.”

“That’s awful!”

“Yeah. We did warn them that it would be a bad idea, and the dude was a pretty big dick about the whole thing, so it’s whatever. I just hope there won’t be any retaliation for it.”

“If anything happens and you need my help, just let me know. I know you might be hesitant, but Celestia would probably also be happy to help. The tower has given her trouble in the past.”

“I’m not sure Celestia would help me at the moment,” I sighed. “She and I aren’t on the best of terms.”

“You should try speaking to her again before we leave. Now that she’s had a few days to recover from Discord’s appearances and you… slapping her, she might be easier to talk to.”

“I think that might be wise. What time are we leaving tomorrow?”

“It’ll be fairly late. The festival actually starts in two days. I want some time to rest before the festivities begin.”

“Cool, then I’ll see if she’s available tomorrow morning. I really want her back on my side, but she’s not making it easy.”

“Consider it from her point of view, Nav. Luna did some pretty horrible things involving you. You’ve also done so much with Celestia herself. Then you started causing all kinds of problems for her and weakening her power at every turn. You’ve also strengthened those that were once her enemies. Now she finds out that you were created by Discord. I can see why she thinks you’ve been working against her from the start. I don’t think you have been, but I see why she might think that.”

“I don’t like seeing injustice, intolerance, and evil. Celestia’s pretty much the poster child for all three. I’m just undoing some of the bullshit that she’s done.”

“I know, Nav,” she sighed. “Believe me, I know. Unfortunately, we need her on our side.”

“Do we really, though?” I slowly asked. She looked away and didn’t answer. “Don’t get me wrong, I definitely want her on our side, but I think we can get by without her.”

“I don’t think she’ll let you get by without her.”

“Despite what you may think, she is most definitely not a god. She may be powerful, but she is not all-powerful.”

“Nav, you’re playing a very, very dangerous game. There’s no way you could stand in her way. She’ll crush you without a backwards glance.”

“And how would you feel about that, Twilight? I don’t want to fight Celestia, I truly don’t. I want her to become better. But let’s say, hypothetically, Celestia finally had enough of me and decided to make an example of me. What would you do?”

“To begin with, I wouldn’t let it devolve that far. But if it really did come to that…” She slowly tapered off.

“I know that Princess Celestia means a lot to you, Twilight. And I would never ask you to pick between the two of us. But I have a feeling that the time for hard choices is coming soon, whether we want them or not. I want things to go well and I want to work with Celestia, but I honestly don’t know if she can look past who created me and what I’ve done.”

“...If you can get a soul, it won’t matter who created you.”

“Yeah, but you also gotta remember that I’m asking her to give up a lot of her power. If she tells everyone the truth about the sun, they’ll know her for a liar.”

“And I bet if she doesn’t tell them, you will.”

“Do you really think we can kill Discord while lies like that rule everyone’s minds?”

“I honestly don’t know,” she quietly replied.

Thankfully, she finally picked a small cafe and we let ourselves in. The place wasn’t busy and there was only one server out and about, so he just had us pick our own table. Soon enough, one lilac juice and one water were on their way.

That killed the dreadful conversation that it was way too early to have. “So what did you think of your party?” she asked.

“Cast that lie detecting spell.” She lifted an eyebrow. “The sky is green.” Her horn lit up. “I absolutely hate parties.” The light around her horn died. “Especially surprise parties. If I had my way, I would never go to another. I certainly never want another thrown for me. They piss me off and I absolutely dread them.”

“Huh. How did you beat the lie detector spell? Is your ring on your toe or something?”

“Twilight, don’t play dumb.” She sighed. “I had to spell it out for Rarity, too. What is it with you mini-horses and thinking I’m just playing hard to get or some stupid shit like that? Is it really that hard to believe that I hate parties?”

“Yes, actually. When ponies throw a party for someone, they do it specifically to make that someone happy. Finding out that you hate parties is akin to finding out that you hate someone else spending time and effort on something nice for you. Parties, especially Pinkie’s parties, are ways of showing love and friendship. Saying you hate them is like saying you hate love and friendship.”

“I don’t hate love or friendship, but I do kinda hate it when people spend time and effort on me, especially when it’s something that they know I don’t like. What’s the point of throwing parties for someone who constantly says he hates parties?”

“To throw one so wonderful that she has to admit she actually likes them, duh.”

“Well, I don’t. You can tell Pinkie to stop wasting her time now. She should move on to someone who actually appreciates them.”

The server returned with our drinks and Twilight ordered. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t looked at the menu at all. I gave it a quick once-over and realized that there was only one thing on there I could eat anyway. Everything but the spaghetti had flowers or grass in it.

Once dude-bro was gone, Twilight leaned forward and asked, “Why do you hate parties?”

“Too many people in too small of an area. It doesn’t help when they all crowd around me. I’m also usually forced to be social and I usually have to pretend to be some kind of normal. Since a good chunk of the ones I attend are surprise parties, I never have time to mentally prepare.”

“Why would you need to? Have you ever gone into one just expecting to have a good time?”

“No, because most of them are surprise parties. I go into them expecting some time to relax or something normal and then I’m suddenly forced to deal with a bunch of people I wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with, which stresses me out and throws me way the fuck out of my comfort zone. And for the ones that aren’t surprises, I’m left dreading them in advance, looking for any manner of excuse to get away from it.”

“That sounds like really bad social anxiety.”

“Yeah, prolly.”

Given by the silence, I think she expected a follow-up. When I didn’t say anything else, she cleared her throat. “Do you… want to work on that?”

“No.”

“Uh. Why not?”

“Because I don’t wanna?”

“...What if I want to go to parties while we’re in Gryphus?”

“Then I’ll have fun, because I’ll be playing a role. It won’t be me at the party, it’ll be whoever you tell me to be.”

“That makes…”

“Perfect sense?”

“Absolutely no sense at all, actually. How can you be happy pretending to be someone else at a party when you can’t even be happy as yourself at one?”

“Because if I fuck up and say or do the wrong thing as someone else, it won’t matter since that person stops existing whenever I want. If I fuck up as myself, I’m stuck with the consequences.”

“Which are what, exactly? In your mind, what are the consequences for a social faux pas?”

“A memory that haunts me forever and the eternal shame to go with it.”

She blinked a few times before just saying, “...What?”

“On average, humans have okay-ish memories for the boring, day to day shit. But we remember every single mistake we make, every little social blunder, and every awkward moment perfectly. They haunt us our entire lives. Every time we’re alone, we risk getting trapped in a horrific memory spiral of shame and suffering.”

She stared at me in silence for a few more seconds before slowly shaking her head. “First of all, every race does that, not just humans. Second of all, you’re being way too dramatic right now. Third, that’s honestly just silly. You may remember every little mistake you made, but I bet you don’t remember any of the mistakes others have made. Your honor or whatever you want to call it is intact because none of your friends will hold anything you do against you. Since they’re all having a good time at the party, they usually either won’t even notice whatever you did or get over it by the time they leave.”

“I’m afraid that’s a chance I just can’t afford to take, Twiley.”

“...Are you being sarcastic again?”

“Maybe a little.”

She sighed and shook her head. “It can be really difficult to have a conversation with you, Nav.”

“I don’t like parties. Why do I need a reason?”

“Because identifying why you don’t like something is the best way to change your attitude. Once we deal with the root cause, you can start enjoying them.”

“But I don’t want to start enjoying them. I prefer hating them. Logically speaking, that should be great for everyone. Pinkie can stop spending time planning them for me and no one has to invite me to them anymore. Everyone wins.”

“Except for your friends, who want to spend time with you and who want you to be happy.”

“Yeah, but no one really wants to spend time with me. They just invite me to things so I’ll feel included and then do their best to avoid me while I’m there so they don’t actually have to deal with me.”

“...It’s really hard to tell when you’re being sarcastic sometimes.”

“I wasn’t. I’ve been working under the assumption that for the most part, no one really likes me and they just do stuff with me to make me feel included. There are obvious exceptions, but that’s generally how it goes.”

“Nav, no offense, but that’s really dumb. I knew you hated yourself, but this goes way beyond that.”

“Not really. It’s pretty standard self-hatred, actually. I hate myself so much that I don’t see any reason anyone else would like me, so I automatically assume no one does and am surprised whenever someone shows that they do. It didn’t help that everyone kept throwing me parties after I explained how much I hated them so many times. I figured everyone hated me and wanted to piss me off and decided to do it by pretending to be nice so they could get away with it.”

“...Wow.”

“I know, it was really dickish of them to keep throwing me parties.”

“No, I just… Wow. Your logic took several pretty big leaps, Nav.”

“I think it all fits together nicely, myself.”

She lifted a hoof to massage her temple for a moment before sighing again. “I’m so sorry, Nav.”

“I forgive you, Twilight. Just please get your friends to stop throwing me parties. Or worse, beautifying me.”

“Not about that and you know it. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do. I’m sorry that you think the way you do. I wish there was something I could do or something I could say to change your mind, but I know it’s so deeply ingrained in you that fixing it is going to take time. But I want you to understand that I’m willing to give you all the time you need. I want you to be happy with who you are, Nav. And honestly, I also kinda want you to stop being such a sarcastic sad-sack.”

“...What if I like being a—”

“Do you? Or is that just all you’ve ever known and you’re too afraid to try new things?”

I was saved from having to answer by the arrival of food. It kinda sucked that I didn’t have any money, because I would have left a pretty nice tip just for the timing. As soon as the waiter walked off, I decided to change the subject before she had a chance to keep pestering me. “I wouldn’t go into Athena’s book without me, if I were you,” I said.

“Why do you say that?” Twiley asked. “Athena isn’t worried that the ponies want to hurt her now, is she?”

“No, it’s just that Hera is legitimately psychotic and doesn’t think the other races are anything but animals for her to play with. She tried keeping the last unicorn as a pet and asked me to kidnap someone else when Athena wouldn’t let her.”

“Nav, that’s… a great way to change the subject. You are way too good at that!”

“Thanks. I thought it was a great move, too. But I’m being serious. Please don’t go there without me. There’s no telling if Athena would protect you or not.”

“I will remember that,” she sighed. “Hera has been trapped alone for quite some time. I know how you were when you first came here. With luck, her views will change over time.”

“If I remember my mythology correctly, Hera’s been psychotically insane all her life. If you wanna try your friendship bullshit on her, whatevs. If she turns you into a pet, I’ll be sure to come by and rub your belly often.”

That apparently didn’t merit a response. She finally got to eating her hay and flower sandwich. My spaghetti was looking pretty delicious, so I joined her.

Honestly, it was kinda mediocre. Since Twilight’s a normal woman, she stole several strands of it while she thought I wasn’t looking. As soon as I saw my chance, I leaned forward and snatched one of the strands with my mouth right as the other side entered hers. She blinked in surprise and didn’t have time to react before I had slurped my end down to the base and was kissing her.

Before she could get into it, I pulled back and booped her on the nose. She was blushing up a storm, of course. “Spaghetti tax,” I said. “That’s the price of stealing my food.”

“W-well… It’s not stealing if you tax it…”

“I love making you turn bright red,” I said with a grin. “You’re even cuter when you’re blushing.”

“I love it when you kiss me,” she softly said. “You’re even cuter when you remind me you’re mine.”

“Then I’ll be sure to do it more often, Twiley. In front of your friends, in front of Taya, maybe in front of Celestia or your parents…” Her ears shot straight down. “Ooh, how about in front of Moonie and Fleur? They can both watch while you have your way with me.” She actually bit her lower lip. “Maybe something to think about, anyway.” I went back to eating, happy to leave that warm and gooey thought worming around in her head.

“...Tease.”

“Oh, you know I hate being called a tease. I give it up too easily for that.”

“Speaking of…” Her horn lit up and I felt something caressing my privates. I went right on eating in silence as she magicked me. My breathing definitely picked up and I whimpered a few times, but let her do everything she wanted while continuing to eat and doing my best to look her in the eyes. “You’re not the only one who can tease.” Her magic withdrew right as I started getting really hot and bothered and she went back to eating as well. I stuck my tongue out at her. “Keep up that attitude and you’ll be sleeping alone tonight, Navi. I’ll tell Doppel you need to be punished.”

“You think Kat will give up her turf that easily? You’d have to pry her off my bed with a crowbar. If she thinks I’m sleeping alone, she’ll be joining me.”

“Hm, maybe. But if I decide you need to be punished and I find out you sleep with Kat tonight, you’re wearing a chastity belt the entire time we’re in Gryphus.”

“...That’s cruel and unusual.”

“I can be a cruel mistress. It seems you enjoy it, if Moonie is right.” She teased my lower lips with magic again. “Being left panting.” She slowly eased them open. “Breathless.” One of her hooves suddenly shot forward and she booped me on the nose. “And begging for more.” Her magic pulled away again. “How’s that sound?”

“Like a dream come true,” I sighed.

“Good. So if you want to feel that way tonight, you’re going to tell me exactly why you hate yourself.”

“Wait, what?”

My ginormous bed isn’t nearly as much fun when I’m not sharing it with anybody. I crossed my arms in sheer disappointment as I tried to fall asleep without anyone holding me. God dammit, Twilight. Your punishments suck.

I woke up very alone the next morning. It surprised me for a moment before I remembered why. Being put in the figurative doghouse the night before a big vacation wasn’t my idea of fun, but neither was forcing me to talk about something I didn’t want to discuss, especially in a public setting.

But whatever, I guess.

There was no hurry for me to do anything, so I sat in the tub until I knew Taya would be waking up. One of the best parts about her being in school is that her schedule finally seemed to normalize. I quickly got dried and threw on a robe so I could walk to her room with decency.

Several outfits were arranged on her bed and she was standing next to it, looking them over. “Go with the left one,” I said as I continued in. “It shows more flank.”

That made her blush bright red, of course. “M-mommy, I—”

I didn’t stop walking and shut her up with a hug. “Good morning, honey,” I said. “Hm, you smell nice. Is that honey and coconut?”

“Um, w-well… It’s what D-Doppel got…”

“She chose well.” I pulled away and looked the outfits over again. “So who are you trying to impress? A teacher? A possible friend? Or maybe a special colt?”

“Nobody! I just…”

“Taya, you can trust me. I promise I won’t tease you too much.”

“W-well… I saw a few colts looking… One of them was handsome.”

“Definitely the left one. What you wanna do is wear thin panties and get yourself a little worked up before you see them, then find some reason to bend over in front of him to—Wait, no, that only works for humans. Shit.” Her face turned even more red as I spoke, of course. “Hell, maybe you should ask Fleur for tips. She knows all about picking up stallions.”

“I… I thought you… didn’t want me to… you know… with colts.”

“Taya, I want you to be happy. Sex is a lot of fun. Now, I absolutely don’t recommend having a ton of mindless sex and living life in a haze of pleasure. I’ve been down that path. It can be fun, but it destroys your body, your mind, and your self-worth over time. But the occasional fling is pretty fun as long as you take precautions and do everything you can to be safe. I’ve already given you the pregnancy talk, so I know I don’t need to warn you about that. Diseases aren’t really an issue here in horse world, so you don’t have to worry about that. But I want you to be careful with your heart, Taya. Some boys are only interested in your body and don’t want to actually be in a relationship with you. Should you ever choose to engage in relations with any of them, make your expectations clear from the get-go, and make sure you understand theirs.”

“Um. Okay.”

“Anyway, can you cast that spell to see if someone’s eavesdropping?”

“Oh, of course.” Her horn lit up and then pulsed out. “Looks like nothing, as far as I can tell.”

“Good. Go ahead and start getting dressed. I can talk while you do.” She grabbed the left outfit, which was a fairly standard skirt and blouse combo, and began putting them on. “I read through some of that book Athena gave me. The only skill I’ve learned so far is the ability to clone myself in the event of my death.” Her ears perked up as she slid some long stockings up her back legs. “I’m working on putting that one into effect now. The first test should be ready by the time I leave. Now, this cloning process ain’t perfect. I’ll only have the memories I have at the time I make the clone. And obviously, I’m not gonna be in a hurry to test it. But I want you to go ahead and get it in play while I’m gone.”

“What do I need to do?”

“When I leave, I’m going to give a seed to Kat to give to you. You are going to take that seed, go somewhere safe, and plant it. Once two weeks pass, it’ll grow into a tree that will give me a new body should I ever die.”

“That sounds… fantastic!”

“I know, right? Tell no one, not even me, where you planted it. If anything ever happens to me and my mind is ever compromised, I want one backup I know I can count on.”

“With pleasure, mommy! But why can’t you go ahead and give it to me now?”

“It’s not ready yet.” I undid the robe a little so I could show off my belly. “I had to keep a seed in my belly for twenty-four hours. It’s been… Oh, about twenty or so. I’m planning on walking you to class, coming back for a few more hours, taking it out, and then going to have a chat with Celestia. I figured I should have my backup prepared in case things go poorly with her.”

“Smart. Who else knows you can even do this?”

“Athena and Kat should be the only two. I’m going to make more seed clones later, but for the moment, one seed is all we could find. With luck, I should have time to read more of that book while I’m in Gryphus.” If I’m not getting railed by hot griffins the entire time. “Once I’m done with it, you’re free to read it all you want.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just read it while you’re gone? I could knock it out in a day or two so you can focus on relaxing.”

“...As a matter of fact, that might be better. Not because I want to make you read it or I don’t want to, but because I don’t want to take such a valuable book with me on a trip like this. So feel free to read it, if you don’t mind. But your schoolwork comes first, Taya. And so does planting that seed. I’ll read it myself once I get back and have some time.”

She beamed, of course. “I love being your little guardian angel, mommy!”

“I know, honey. Now give me a moment so I can get dressed, then I’ll come back and do your hair again.”

“Yes mommy!”

Kat was just coming up the stairs as I left Taya’s room. She met me at mine and let herself inside. “So what’s the plan for today, my lady?”

“I’m gonna walk Taya to school, come back for a few hours, then go see Celestia. After that, I’ll come back here and wait for Twilight to come by. I’ll be leaving after that.”

“Would you like me to go with you while you talk to Celestia?”

“Yes, but it’s better that I go alone. She’s nervous and angry. I think I’ll be able to reason with her better if it’s just me.”

“...As you wish, my lady. And are you sure you don’t want me going with you to Gryphus?”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Kat. Especially not one who sticks out so much. You’d give me away in a heartbeat.”

“Not if I wasn’t seen.”

“Let me rephrase that. I don’t want a babysitter. I don’t want people following me around, ready to bail me out of whatever kind of trouble falls my way. You should trust in me by now, Kat. I can handle myself.”

“As a human. How well can you handle yourself as a pony, Nav? Because there are going to be a lot of very strong, horny predators who are going to have a hard time taking no for an answer, especially from a weak little prey animal. If Twilight isn’t there to help you, you’ll be helpless.”

“Then I won’t say no.” I dropped the robe and started hunting down clothes. “I’m going to have fun. Why would I ever say no anyway?”

She sighed and shook her head. “I think this is unwise.”

“Do you think it’ll be fun?”

“Until I’m proven right.”

“Well, here’s hoping that’ll take a few days.” There was no point in trying to impress Celestia with my clothes. She knew what I was capable of. I didn’t even bother with a dress, just a leather cloak, flower crown, and a set of brown clothes. Honestly, it felt strange to be back in regular clothes after so long in dresses and skirts. Thankfully, it was a good strange.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help you pick an outfit?” Kat asked as I looked over myself in the mirror.

“You have a problem with the way I look?”

“It’s not exactly… ladylike.”

“Good. Shall we?”

“As your vassal—” I held up a hand, cutting her off.

“Kat, I appreciate your loyalty. I really do. And I know you’re very intelligent and your advice is usually pretty spot on. It’s not that I don’t trust you to know what you’re talking about. Right now, it’s that I honestly don’t give a single fuck. I want to take risks and do stupid things. And I am super fucking tired of looking ladylike. Forget my reputation for today, because I’m taking a break.”

“Oh. Well why didn’t you just say so, then?”

“I did. Now, again, shall we?”

“After you, Nav,” she said with a grin. I led the way to Taya’s room, where she was now fully dressed.

“So what do you want to do with your hair today?” I asked.

Taya looked up and saw Kat with me. She grinned and asked, “Can you curl it again?”

“Of course, my lady. Let me go get my curling iron.” She hurried off to do that.

“You should let her curl yours too, mommy. It’ll be cute for Twilight when you leave on your date.”

“I might let her do it when we get back, but we’ll need to hurry to get you there on time after this.”

“Aww…”

“So, did you think about what kind of reward you want for being such a sweet filly?”

“Oh, yes. I want a pet!”

“...Really?” It honestly surprised me.

“Yeah. Why did you ask it like that?”

“It surprised me, is all. I mean, are you sure you want a pet? That’s a lot of responsibility. I’ll definitely help you take care of it, but it’ll mostly be on you.”

“I’m okay with that. It’ll be for the entire house, though I’ll definitely take care of it.”

“Good, I guess. If that’s what you really want, okay. I do have a few rules, though. Nothing that Fluttershy wouldn’t keep as a pet, first off. Second, nothing that gets larger than, say, you. Third, nothing that would like to eat, say, you. Fourth, something that’s either smart enough to house break or that we can keep in a cage.”

“Sounds perfect!”

“Alright, cool. I definitely suggest starting with Fluttershy. Most of her animals probably left, but she would have some suggestions for the perfect pet for you. She’s pretty good at matching animals to ponies. And if she doesn’t have what you’re looking for, she’ll probably know where you can find it.”

“Can I use your train pass?”

“Yep. It’s in my desk. Feel free to grab some bits while you’re there, too. You might get hungry while you’re in Ponyville.”

She jumped over and hugged me right as Kat walked in. “You’re the best mommy ever!”

I didn’t quite agree with that, but I hugged her back anyway. “If you say so.”

“You’re both so adorable,” Kat sweetly said, reaching over to pinch one of my cheeks.

I slapped her with a wing. She grabbed it and stroked it, sighing in delight. Tch, pervert. That was long enough to hug my daughter, so I let her go so Kat could do her hair. My little girl stood there with a huge grin while Kat made her even cuter.

“You know, you probably never woulda let me do this to you a few months ago,” I said.

“Seeing you get all dolled up so often made me realize how nice it could be,” Taya said. “Your friends are so nice, mommy. They just love making you look so pretty all the time!”

“They just do it to make me suffer,” I sighed.

“Actually, we do it to make you look your best,” Kat said. “Because even if you might not care how you look, we do. We want you to be at your best at all times, because you are our lady. You might take a break from caring, but we never do.”

“So, you ready to go?” I asked Taya.

“Yep! Let me just grab my books.” She slung a bag over her shoulder and nodded. “Let’s go.”

And so we did. It was fun. Taya got to act all cute on the way. Kat continued to be a little passive aggressive, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle.

Once Taya was safely ensconced at school, I left before the Four could send someone out to make me talk. Putting that off for a few weeks sounded great. It would also give me time to think about how to approach Athena about Hera.

When we got back home, I went upstairs and tried to dick around on the laptop, but got stopped by a knife wielding Kat. Instead of procrastinating the time away, I got to fight her for ages instead. It was kinda shitty, but about par for the course.

As soon as an alarm clock went off in my room, I cut the training session off and pulled the seed out. “I want you to give this to Taya as soon as she gets back,” I said.

“You don’t… want me to keep it?”

“I’m going to give you one as soon as I get more seeds. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that she’s my daughter, and I’m afraid daughter trumps vassal and blood servant.”

“That is true, I suppose. I will give it to her. Does she know what it is?”

“Yes, I gave her instructions for it this morning. I know I don’t need to remind you, but tell no one about this. Don’t even bring it up around me.”

“As you wish,” she said with a nod. “Are you going to see Celestia now?”

“Yes. It’s time I put this behind me.”

She nodded. “Good luck. If you don’t come back, I’ll plant the seed immediately.”

“If I don’t come back, you get Taya and you run. Plant that as you run, but you take my daughter and you disappear.”

“Right, of course.”

“Once I get more of these seeds, we’ll come up with a system and some plans for worst-case scenarios. We’ll include Gourd, Watcher, Doppel, and Taya in those talks. For now, I guess just think about it. Anyway, I’ll see you when I get back. With luck, I’ll still be in one piece.”

“I’ll see you soon, Nav.”

Bringing a weapon would make me look scared, so I didn’t bother. I did tuck the ring away some place safe, though I really hoped I wouldn’t need it. When I thought I was ready, I slipped out the back door so no one would follow me.

The guards at the palace didn’t even acknowledge me. That felt pretty disconcerting, but I continued anyway. I didn’t know where exactly Celestia would be, so I asked one of the guards in front of the throne room where she was.

He didn’t even look my way, just stared ahead unblinkingly. I looked at his partner and found that he was doing the same.

“...You know what, I’ll come back another time.”

One of the guards flinched and said, “She is in her dining room, Lady Navarone. I will escort you.”

“Actually, you know, I think I’m good,” I said. “I’m just gonna—”

The other guard flinched and said, “We will escort you. Right now.”

“Um…” I heard something behind me that sounded uncomfortably like gold-shod hooves.

“We all will escort you.”

“I mean, I appreciate the offer, but I think I know the way.”

“Just in case. You are bad at following directions.” That guard’s eyes flashed blue. “Aren’t you, Navarone?”

“...Oh.”

“I warned you, Navarone. I told you there would be consequences.”

I felt myself go very numb as they led me to Celestia. This was not how I was expecting the talk to go. When I got to the dining room, one of the guards held open the door. I hesitated and one of the ones behind me prodded me. There was no other option, so I slowly entered.

What I saw disconcerted me quite a lot. Celestia was seated at one of the side chairs. What I’m pretty sure was Aqua had her place at the table, with an arm in Celestia’s ear. Celestia’s eyes were a pale blue.

“Sit,” Aqua said, waving an arm at the chair across from Celestia.

I pulled out a seat and sat. “Sooo…”

“You desperate fool,” Aqua said. I know you’re the bad guy because you just called me a fool. “I could sit back and watch you self-destruct all day. It’s so amusing to watch. But becoming a host to a fire elemental was too far.”

“So, quick question, how long have you been mind controlling Celestia? Hell, I thought you were still in Atlantis.”

“Not long enough,” Aqua replied, turning slightly red. Celestia shivered and looked away. “I came back early to take a more active hand in running things here.”

“Is she in danger?” I asked.

“She is behaving, for the most part. I suggest you consider behaving as well.”

“Am I in danger?”

“I have warned you many, many times, Navarone. I never wanted it to come to this. You were never to know. But I’m afraid you went too far.”

Oh man. I really do not need this right now. “Can we maybe talk about this?”

“What is there to talk about, hm? How you corrupted one of my sisters? How you almost started a war? How you’ve behaved so terribly your entire time here? You are too important to keep acting this way! You must be guided!”

“Is that why… you took over Celestia?”

“She was mismanaging her power. I like where you were going with admitting the truth about the sun. That would have made it easier for us to step back in as goddesses.”

“Oh, so you’re like, legit evil now, huh?”

She turned bright red and slammed a hand onto the table. “AM I?!” she screamed. Celestia and I flinched and Aqua turned pink. “Sorry, I got a little too into it. It’s just, I’m really enjoying this.”

“I mean, I get it. This is a pretty big jump up for you. Sure, you had Celestia, but she’s old and ugly. Now I guess you get to make me your slave too, and I’m way cooler and prettier.”

“Right?” She patted Celestia on the head. “I’m sorry, but Nav’s my new favorite.” Celestia actually sighed in relief. “But only because I hate her more.”

“So, look, I’m legitimately scared right now. Like, this is mindblowing. Can we call this my last warning and I’ll promise to shape up?”

“I’ll let you talk to Celestia.”

“Uh, no, I think we can skip that. I’d be happy to see myself out.”

“As with so many other things, you thought very, very wrong.” She withdrew her arm from Celestia’s head. Her eyes went back to pink and then blinked.

“Why didn’t you talk to me, Navarone?” she asked. “Why didn’t you ask me before you unleashed these things upon the world?”

“I don’t exactly have a good track record with trusting you. How many times have you let me get fucked over?”

“Well, I hope being petty is worth it to you. This is what your distrust has wrought!”

“Look, I’ll admit we both made mistakes.”

“Hm. It’s time to stop making mistakes, Nav. As much as I hate to admit it, this is an opportunity, even if the one offering it to us is a monster. We were doing well together while I was still free. If we behave, she’ll let us continue that relationship. Discord needs to die and you know our power combined could do anything. With you as our hooves in the world, we could change fate itself.”

“See, small problem with that. I really don’t like slavery, especially when I’m the slave.”

“Tell that to Kat,” Celestia said.

“She volunteered for that! I didn’t even know until a few days ago!”

“And yet every night you let her rut you.”

“Not last night!” Which I’m still a little bitter about.

“Get to the point,” Aqua sighed, caressing one of Celestia’s ears.

“We could be wed, Navarone,” Celestia said. “You and I. We could own the entire planet, eradicate Discord for good!”

“Yeah, as slaves to this thing.”

“You’ve been a slave all your life,” Celestia said. “A slave to a family. A slave to Luna. A slave to Kat. A slave to me. A slave to yourself, to that disgusting code of honor you have. What have all of them offered? Because this master is offering the entire world.”

“I have changed things in this world, Celestia. Anyone who can do that is no slave.”

“They can if they are a slave of Discord. How has he guided you, unknowingly? How has he pulled your strings? If you knew, would you even tell me?”

“She did not know,” Aqua said. “Flo confirmed that Nav had no idea she was a puppet.”

“All the same,” Celestia said, waving a hoof. “We’ve all seen what it is capable of. You’ve unleashed these elementals upon the world, so we might as well use them as best we can. If she can help us unite the world against Discord, I say let her do it. I never truly cared for power, Navarone. Power was just a means to an end, a way to help me protect my ponies. Between the three of us, we can change the world. You have seen to that. Let us guide you instead of Discord. If you are going to have strings, let them be on the right side.”

“There’s the carrot,” I said. “What’s the stick?”

“If you do it willingly, I will allow you to choose your fate, for the most part,” Aqua said. “If you do it unwillingly, I will force you down the best path. If you choose to fight me and make things difficult, or try to tell anyone about this, well… let’s just say you don’t want to know.”

“...I kinda do, actually.”

“I’ll admit, it was originally Celestia’s idea, but I improved upon it. I have a feeling you’ll actually approve. I’ll wipe your memory entirely, turn you into a pony, blindfold you, and give you to Chrysalis to turn into a food pony. If I ever need you again, I’ll give you your memories back, leave you in the hive for a few more days, then come get you. If you misbehave again… Well, we’ll do that to someone you care about. Permanently.”

“Is it okay to insult you?”

“I accept constructive criticism.”

“That was legitimately the most evil thing I have ever heard in my life. So how are we on taking this as a warning? Can this please be a warning?”

“What’s so bad about it, Nav?” Celestia asked. “As long as we both obey, we could be happy together. You know that. We’ve had our differences. I’ve done things I regret. But now we’ll have someone guiding us.”

“Is that you talking, Celestia? Or is that her? You don’t tend to say someone.”

“...Well, I’m changing. I realized such a thing was inappropriate in this day and age.”

“See, now that doesn’t sound like you. The Celestia I know is really stuck to her racist guns. So I kinda gotta wonder, how much of that in there is you and how much of that is what she made you?”

“That is fire elemental propaganda!” Aqua shouted. “We would never do that!”

“Yeah, uh huh. Tell that to Kat.”

“As I said, you corrupted a water elemental. Flo has become something twisted, a mockery of what we are.” Yeah, Flo is the mockery. “Her injury and time in the ground made her unstable. She was at a weak point and your mind ruined her. She deserved better than you.”

“Wow, okay, forgive me for getting dragged into a war I didn’t want. She asked for my help. Those consequences are hers. She knew the risks.”

“She thought she could control you, but she was too weak-willed to guide you properly. I will not make the same mistake. You will become a better person, like it or not.”

“So uh… I’m gonna ask again. How about that warning?”

“You have a choice to make, Nav.”

“...I want full autonomy in my personal life.” You never get anything if you never ask, right?

“One exception. I will control how you treat Taya. Your behavior with her is disgusting.”

“I want to be able to pursue my own interests and be my own person. If you promise to leave that to me, and only because I have literally no other choice, I’ll let you handle major decisions regarding the mission. And I guess Taya. But once this is done and Discord is dead, I want to be freed, on the condition that I retire completely from the world.”

“That will depend entirely upon your behavior. Are you ready?”

“I mean, no.”

She reached over and patted my face. “I’m so sorry it came to this, Nav.”

“It’s not too late,” I quietly said.

“You would go straight to Brook. I’m afraid she wouldn’t understand what I had to do to Celestia and she certainly won’t understand what I have to do to you. Like I said, you were never to know. I honestly thought our best chance was for you to change on your own. But I see now that it won’t happen. You are too hurt, too broken to change. I want you to be happy, Nav, but you’ve disappointed me. I think this is the best way to make that happen.”

“I want you to know that I think this is wrong and evil.”

“Soon enough, you’ll realize I’m right.” Her hand finally went to my ear and I felt a new presence in my head. “It’s time to begin healing, Nav.”

“Congrats, way to make that sound super ominous.”

Celestia flinched and then gasped. “Nav! Are you… Oh no, what did… Did she…”

“Did you… Were you not…”

“Celestia has misbehaved,” Aqua said, caressing Celestia’s hair. “Sometimes I have to take a more direct role with her. That won’t be an issue with you, will it?”

“Navarone, what has she done?”

“She kinda just forcefully turned me into a host.”

“Then we are doomed, slaves for eternity to this thing.”

“Yeah, that’s not so good,” I said. “So, I’m gonna go ahead and apologize for not asking you about freeing these things first. My bad.”

“That in no way makes up for this! But I appreciate that you understand you were wrong.”

“Hm, interesting,” Aqua said. “Nav was planning to depose you, Celestia.”

“You were WHAT?!”

“You were planning to kill me!”

“That is true,” Aqua said. “Before I took her over, she had a plan in place to put you down. It was very extensive.”

“I was only gonna do it if she tried to hurt me,” I said.

“And I was only going to do it if you tried to depose me!”

“Look, I’ll admit we both made mistakes. But that’s apparently behind us now.” Until we get free and kill Aqua. My new elemental giggled in glee at my optimism.

She snorted. “Whatever. At least I know I could have stopped any attempted coup in its tracks.”

“Actually, Navarone would have annihilated you,” Aqua said.

“Woo!” I shouted, shooting my hands up.

“Ugh, maybe this is for the best,” Celestia said.

“Silence,” Aqua said. “There is no maybe. This is for the best. Now, all of Discord’s tools are in our control. Moonbeam is taking directions well from Naiad. You two are in my direct control. We finally have a fighting chance, if you two just obey me. I would be happy to let you keep your independence in most things, as long as you listened to me when it mattered. Not even you can deny you need this, not after murdering that shaman.”

“He’s the one who—”

“Was appeasing his master, the fire elemental you elected to save. If you had actually talked to Blaze, you would have realized he was going to use Gilda to try to reach out to save himself. All you did was murder a kobold who was forced against his will to sacrifice another. If you had just taken a moment to think and a moment to talk, that death could have been avoided. It will take years to repair that damage!” She scoffed. “You feel nothing, no remorse at all for what you did. I should have taken you over as soon as you told me you were suicidal.”

“You’re what?” Celestia hissed.

“Navarone has wanted to die for years,” Aqua said. “Since well before she came here. If not for Taya, she would have already slain herself.”

“I… suspected as much,” Celestia sighed. “I’m so sorry, Nav. I know you were afraid. I wish I hadn’t betrayed you so much. I wish I could have earned your trust.”

“Planning to kill me doesn’t exactly do you any favors.

“That would be after Discord was dealt with. And, well, kill is a strong word. I would have made you disappear.”

“...Wow, so Aqua was telling the truth. That was your idea.”

“You were planning on killing me!”

“Yeah, that’s quick and final! That’s not turning me into an eternal sex slave!”

“I have to side with Nav on this one,” Aqua said. “I would have made the process reversible, in case she could prove her worth again.”

“At least then she could make up for her crimes against Equestria,” Celestia said. “Not to mention her numerous murders!”

“Look, at least half of those were premeditated self-defense or the other person just straight up deserved it.”

“Nobody deserves to be killed,” Aqua said.

“What, and people deserve to be enslaved instead?” I asked.

“If it’s for their own good, yes. I am protecting you from yourself and Discord.”

“I think I was doing fine on my own.”

They both shrugged and said, “Eh.”

“Fucking whatever. So are we done here? Can I go now, massa?”

“I don’t much care for your tone, Navarone,” Aqua coldly said.

“What, did you think I would be happy about getting turned into your pet human? What happened to treating your hosts properly and never taking a host without his or her permission?”

“Extreme times call for extreme measures, I’m afraid. We now know for certain that you were created by Discord. How could we possibly trust you without guidance? You may not be happy about it now, but I want you to think about that, Nav. You were created by Discord. Every move you make could be something he premeditated. Am I really so evil for wanting to protect the world from his tools?”

“You can make anything sound right when you move words around all day. You turned me and Celestia into slaves.”

“Don’t even bother trying,” Celestia sighed. “She’s insane.”

“You’re the crazy ones!” Aqua shouted, turning bright red and slamming one of her hands down on the table again. When we both flinched, she giggled and turned blue again. “Sorry, I’m just really enjoying this. Just think of how much good you’re going to get to do now that you’re being guided by the righteous once more, Nav!”

“Oh yeah, she’s definitely crazy,” I said. “Since I guess we’re kinda back together again, you interested in a quickie before I go?”

Celestia blinked, then sighed and said, “I guess. Might as well burn some stress off. And some of that anger about you PLANNING TO KILL ME!”

“That’s my mare,” I said. “Put that anger to good use on my vagina.” She grinned darkly and we both teleported to her room.

The horrible things she did to me helped take my mind off getting violated in the worst possible way by an evil brain leech, at least. They left me with a limp that I knew Twilight would ask about, but I was okay with that.

As I flew back home, I steadily pondered just how I was going to get rid of Aqua. She mocked me the entire time.